大学英语演讲稿幽默

第一篇：大学英语演讲稿幽默

新初中幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.because im a woman, she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别,篇二：大学英语演讲稿范文

《大学英语演讲稿例文》 lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such drinkin coke is wonderful, despite the undesirble consequent hiccups.its bitter, sour and peppery, but also sweet.and youll even feel excited after gulping down a glass.a college experience university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it!我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。

大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。我知道,我喜欢它!篇三：中英文幽默演讲 幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。

我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。people always ask me why i wear a big red ten gallon hat(or some other very noticeable article of clothing)and i tell them.it has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life.for instance, i know that no matter what happens, the good lord is watching over us.then again, there are now six billion of us, so i want to make darn sure he can pick me out of the crowd.篇四：大学英语演讲稿 大学英语演讲稿:面对压力 good morning , boys and girls.i am pu lijuan and glad to give you a speech about stress.psychologist tell us that stress is a state of worry caused by the problem of living , such as too much work or study , heavy responsibilities.the chief problem we should face to is our attitude towards stress.people usually say they can not live in the sun except they escape from stress.it’s stress , they may feel very satisfied with the current life but lack of power to discover new things.too much satisfaction result in nothing except a countermarch of the society.no stress , no development.so a certain amount of stress is good.it can stimulate us and increase our level of alertness.and our answer to stress is another vital problem.how to do with ourselves when stress suddenly break into our life ? to wave the white flag and admit our unability , to give up to our ideality , or worsely , just to suicide as to put an end to everything … of cause not.the principle is to tackle with stress gently and harmoniously.we should try our best to release ourselves.such as to do some exercise , to listen to t music to ease our minds and to learn to view these changes of life as challenges.it’s no use crying over spilt milk.only to accept what has happened can solve the problem.ok , i think i was under large stress ５ minutes before , that is all.thank you very much!《大学英语演讲稿范文》 i have been in university for about one year.during my stay here, i came to realize that university life is like drinking coke.we experience all tastes of life here, sour, sweet, bitter and hot.lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such activities not only make our life more colorful, but also help us improve all kinds of skills.the university is a society miniature, what we learn here will benefit our future life.university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it!我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。

我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。

大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。

第二篇：三分钟英语演讲稿幽默

幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.because im a woman, she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇二：3-5分钟英语演讲稿(30篇)最好英语演讲稿汇总3——5分钟英语演讲稿汇总（30篇）

六、周怡雪，19岁，上海 i believe in our future honorable judges, fellow students: good afternoon!recently, ther is a heated debate in our society.the college students are the beneficiaries of a rare privilege, who receive exceptional education at extraordinary places.but will we be able to face the challenge and support ourselves against all odds? will we be able to better the lives of others? will we be able to accept the responsibility of building the future of our country? the cynics say we care for nothing other than grades;and we neglect the need for character cultivation.but again, the cynics are wrong.we care deeply for each other, we cherish freedom, we treasure justice, and we seek truth.last week, thousands of my fellow students had their blood type tested in order to make a contribution for the children who suffer from blood cancer.as college students, we are adolescents at the critical turning point in our lives.we all face a fundamental choice: cynicism or faith, each will profoundly impact our future, or even the future of our country.i believe in all my fellow classmates.though we are still inexperienced and even a little bit childish.i believe that we have the courage and faith to meet any challenge and take on our responsibilities.we are preparing to assume new responsibilities and tasks, and to use the education we have received to make our world a better place.i believe in our future.我对未来充满信心

尊敬的评委，各位同学：

下午好！

最近，社会上有一场很激烈的争论。大学生是一种稀有特权的享有者，在很棒的地方接受高等教育。但是，我们能面对挑战而无所畏惧吗？我们能够改善他人的生活吗？我们能够承担建设祖国未来的重任吗？

怀疑论者说大学生是被宠坏的一代，一丁点挫折都受不了。但是他们错了，我所看到的大学生正在努力的学习独立生活。我们互相帮助打扫卫生，一起上街砍价购物，一起参加兼职工作来赚零花钱。

怀疑论者说我们除了成绩什么都不关心，从而忽略了性格的培养。但是，他们又错了。我们彼此关心，我们向往自由，我们珍惜公正，我们追求真理。上个星期，很多我的同学去验血，为了给患血癌的孩子贡献自己的力量。

作为大学生，我们是处在人生分水岭的青年。我们都面临一个重要的选择：怀疑人生还是相信自己，每一种都会给我们的人生带来重大的影响，甚至影响我们祖国的未来。我相信我们的同学们，虽然我们依然缺乏经验，甚至有些志气，但是我相信我们有勇气和自信来面对生活的挑战并承担我们的责任。我们正努力准备接受新的任务，用我们所学习的知识将世界变得更美好。我对我们的未来充满信心。

大学生英语演讲稿17 change the ingredients of your life

十七、王晨，20岁，安徽 change the ingredients of your life if kindness is added to a strange you will have a friend;but if hostility is added, you will have an enemy.if love is added to a pile of red bricks you will have a home, but if hatred is add to those bricks , you will have an concentration camp.so my dear friend, if faith, hope, love, endurance are added to your life, you will find the confidence to conquer your limitation and embrace new challenges.and hopefully with my speech included, you will have a fantastic speech contest.改变生活的味道

这是一杯白开水，平淡无味，对吧？可是加上点糖呢，他尝起来会有甜味；如果加的是苏打水，味道就会变苦。人生同样如此——个中滋味在于我们的选择。

善待他人，你会拥有朋友；但如果充满恶意，则会多个敌人。将爱赋予一堆红砖，你会拥有一个家；用仇恨来浇铸这堆红砖，就会铸成一座集中营。

因此亲爱的朋友们，不要抱怨人生乏味，世间无望。不喜欢生活的味道，那就换一换生活的调料吧！

三年前，我重达100多公斤，这给我带来了很多尴尬和挫折：体育课老是不及格，总被女孩们嘲笑，更不敢当众发表意见。幸而由于祖母的鼓励，我不在消极人生，而是充满自信。她曾经说过：“孩子，如果体形无法改变，为什么不把它看做自己独特的风格呢？” 我开始这样来审视人生，通过改变生活的视角，我信心大增地去改变我的人生，很快就发现一个崭新的世界。

朋友们，将信念，希望，爱意和忍性溶入生命，你就会找到自信，克服缺点，迎接人生新的挑战。最后我的演讲包括在内，希望你会看到一场精彩的演讲比赛。

大学生英语演讲稿16

十六、杨颖，21岁，海南 when two cultures meet, there may be things in one culture, which do not fit into the tradition of the other.when this happens, we need to learn to understand and respect the customs of another culture.then there are certain things some people may not like.to this, i will say, if you do not like it, please try to tolerate it.to learn to tolerate what you personally don’t like is a great virtue at a time when different cultures mix and merge.before us, there are two rivers, eastern and western cultures.at present, they may run in different courses.but eventually, they will converge into the vast sea of human culture.right now, i can see peoples of eastern and western cultures, standing side by side, singing the olympic theme song: we are hand in hand, heart to heart, together we will shape a beautiful tomorrow!thank you!让我们共同感受东西方的融合吉卜林说过:东方是东方，西方是西方，二者永不相聚。但是一个世纪后的今天，东西方相汇了!它们相聚在经济领域，它们相聚在教育领域，它们相聚在艺术的殿堂。有人争论说:这种融合需要我们在东方和西方之间做出选择，但我却坚信最美好的未来在于东方和

西方创造性的融合。我们可以将西方的思想，观念和技术变为我们自己所用的东西。我喜爱京剧和河南豫剧，因为它们经常使我想起自己是谁。但我也热衷于流行音乐，特别是英文歌曲。于是我将东方的旋律和西方的语言结合到了一起，它叫做西方版的河南豫剧。

当两种文化相结合的时候，也许一方的文化中的某些东西不适应另一方的传统文化。当此种情况出现时，我们需要试着理解并接受另一种文化中的风俗习惯。然而，也许有些东西你并不喜欢，对于此，我可以说，如果你不喜欢它，请试着去容忍它。当两种文化融合的时候，试着去容忍你个人不喜欢的东西是一种美德。

在我们面前有两条河流，东方文化和西方文化。现在，它们也许正朝着不同的方向流去。但是最终它们将汇合到人类文化的海洋里。

就在此时此刻，我看见东方和西方的人肩并肩的站在一起，高唱奥林匹克主题曲:我们手拉手，心靠着心，共同创造美好的明天!大学生英语演讲稿英语风采大赛半决赛选手自备演讲赏析(大学成人组)

十五、黄扬，21，福建 farewell, indifference who was the most well-known figure in china last month? it’s ma jiajue—the college student who murdered 4 of his roommates.many people attributed his crime to his poverty and deficient education.in my opinion, his crime also has much to do with his classmates’ indifference.indifference is a terrible disease in today’s colleges and the whole society.it’s not rare that two students who have studied together for 4 years have never spoken to each other.it’s not rare that a student who has been absent from class for several days is not noticed at all.it’s also not rare that a student who has severe psychological problems is not cared about at all.some people may say ‘what the students with psychological problems like ma jiajue need is not care but psychotherapy.” however, when people are ill, what they need most is not only medical treatment, but also care from people around them.every smile and every caring word will bring sunshine to their life.篇三：三分钟英语演讲稿 家推荐一篇优秀的3分钟英语演讲稿的范文，供大家学习！good evening ,ladies and gentlemen: 晚上好，女士们，先生们：

非常感谢你傅聪来选择在这样一个寒冷夜晚.今天我的话题是关于选择和process.a研究表明，一个人必须作出的选择73一一天，如此众多的选择，有一天，人们容易混淆，因此害怕作出错误的选择，他们毫不犹豫地并最终错过了真正的生活的一部分。在我看来，下面的部分是更重要的不是选择。没有绝对的对错选择，但精彩或乏味的生活，这使得该进程的差异。

生活是一盒巧克力，你永远不知道下一步你会得到。阿甘正传作出任何决定，并为自己的成就，但他取得巨大成功与他坚强的意志的进程。这个过程是不是道路本身，而是态度和感情，谨慎，勇气和毅力，我们作为我们遇到了新的经验和意想不到的障碍。以自己作为一个例子，我改变了我的主要当我成为一个研究生。经过选择，天已经严厉的me.i无法理解新的经验在所有。因为他们是密切相关的数学，我的教训面前只字不提。然而密集的信念，这是很好的机会，我的经验新思想和新的挑战我自己，我依然存在。我要求帮助每一个通道和reorgonized我的生活。渐渐地，我能理解一些地方，甚至发现数学 interesting.moreover，我学到采取行动而不是抱怨。回想起来，选择没有留下任何痕迹在我的脑海，但幸福和痛苦的过去4个月成为一个难忘的经验，我的生活。

无论选择是，享受这一过程。在这个过程中，您可能会得到启发和新发现，改善和进步将来找你。这些都是最美丽的风景，只有道路上能看到it.these让您的生活多姿多彩。

没有必要，我donnot要判断是否正确或错误，我来这里，但我祝贺我自己，因为我增益和享受这美妙的经验。因此，我亲爱的朋友们，永远不会担心您的选择和享受的过程。我相信你会得到一些新的和有趣后，今晚你选择到这里来。谢谢您!ideal society。good evening, ladies and gentlemen: i’d like to start with a group of pictures.modern and advanced? this society forgets, and ignores the other two thirds of human beings.its far from the ideal!we call ideal as a utopian, a place where reality does not exist.a few people still look forward to the ideals.we make fun of them, considering they are naive.will we still be content to live in such a society, if misfortune drops to us? no!of cause not!when we feel the warmth of the sun, these people, endure great sorrows and pains.can we imagine that? they are our brother and sisters!facing them, will we still have the mood shouting for our own freedom? facing them, will we still want to have more and more unnecessary stuff? they are unable to meet their needs, even the basic needs of survival!everyone, as a member of humanity, shouldnt feel ashamed? our luxury deprived their lives, our indifference violated our soul, and our barbarity destroyed human civilization!whats the ideal society? its a society no one worries about their living, a society no one is refused from education, a society everyone can pursue his/her own happiness!the ideal society is filled with love, joy and kindness.in that society, we can touch the others hearts, we can share our dreams and most important, we can just be the true men!lets break the ethnic divide, bridge the gap between rich and poor, hand in hand, to build a great wall, protecting us from evil;to construct a steady bridge, connecting reality to the ideal society!lets pursue for that, thats the only way to the bright future!they are watching us!thank you!smoking is a greater cause of death and disability than any single disease, says the world health organisation.according to their figures, it is responsible for approximately five million deaths worldwide every year.tobacco smoking is a known or probable cause of approximately 25 diseases, and even the who says that its impact on world health is not fully assessed.heart attack and stroke uk studies show that smokers in their 30s and 40s are five times more likely to have a heart attack than non-smokers.if you smoke for a lifetime, there is a 50% chance that your eventual death will be smoking-relatedlong term survival rates are poor.smoking also increases the risk of oral, uterine, liver, kidney, bladder, stomach, and cervical cancers, and leukaemia.the lung damage which causes emphysema is irreversible, and makes it extremely difficult to breathe.harm to children smoking in pregnancy greatly increases the risk of miscarriage, is associated with lower birthweight babies, and inhibited child development.smoking by parents following the birth is linked to sudden infant death syndrome, or cot death, and higher rates of infant respiratory illness, such as bronchitis, colds, and pneumonia.nicotine, an ingredient of tobacco, is listed as an addictive substance by the us authorities.although the health risks of smoking are culmulative, giving up can yield health benefits regardless of the age of the patient, or the length of time they have been smoking.future impact by 2020, the who expects the worldwide death toll to reach 10 million, causing 17.7% of all deaths in developed countries.there are believed to be 1.1 billion smokers in the world, 800 million of them in developing countries.篇四：三分钟英语励志演讲稿

三分钟英语励志演讲稿

演讲稿一：三分钟英语励志演讲稿 good afternoon，ladies and gentlemen！im very honored to stand here and give you a short speech!to begin with ,i want to ask a question.does everybody dream a good dream last night? actually ,today i want to talk about dream with you.of course, what i want to talk is not a dream you have last night,but a dream—— about life.everyone has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support us.dreams are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners（水手）,we can chart our course by them.with the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer confused.with the dream, there is hope,with hope, we have the strength to fight.my breath swallows the sky and make the yellow river overflow, my sword is famous in kyushu and it can collapse the five sacred mountains.at some time in the past i also had am bitious words and i had some achievements.each achievement results from my hard work.i always believe that if you want to have more achievements than others, you must work harder.hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow.so my dear friends, think of your old and maybe dead dreams.whatever it is, pick it up and make it alive from today.lets---move----out!thank you for your listening!演讲稿二：三分钟英语励志演讲稿——catch the star catch the star that holds your destiny, the one that forever twinkles w ithin your heart.accept the fact that not ev eryone is going to approve of the choices youve made.have faith in your judgment.catch the star that twinkles in your heart and it will lead you t o your destinys path.value your capabilities and talents for they are what make you truly unique.the greatest gifts in life are not purchased, but acquired through hard work and determination.演讲稿三：三分钟英语励志演讲稿——we are the world ,we are the future someone said we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.i dont know who wrote these words, but ive always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all.we are young.how to spend the youth? it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask what do you understand by the word youth? youth is not a time of life, its a state of mind.its not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.its the matter of the will.its the freshness of the deep spring of life.a poet said to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.id like to share it with all of you.lets show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, lets make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves.we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, weve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.weve learnt that we cant choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesnt mean you dont have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesnt mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder.as what i said at the beginning, we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, lets be the owners of ourselves, and speak out we are the world, we are the future.篇五：英语演讲稿 an ideal[a?di?l] friend help each other相互帮助；fight side [sa?d] by side并肩作战；happiness and sorrow快乐与痛苦 friends can be classified[kl?s?fa?d] into two kinds, good friends and evil[ivl] friends.evil friends lead us astray[?stre] and may destroy[d?str??] our life, while good ones drive[dra?v] us towards[t?rdz] the right and make our life successful[s?ks?sfl].two of them exist[?ɡz?st] in our daily life.however, ideal friends exist in peoples mind.they should be diligent[d?l?d??nt], successful and loyal[l???l].when you need help, they will stand beside you and be delighted[d?la?t?d] to give you a hand.also you can share[?e?] your happiness[h?p?n?s] and sorrow[s?r??] together.理想的朋友 朋友可以分为两种，益友和狐朋狗友。狐朋狗友会使我们误入歧途，毁了我们的一生；而益友会使我们明辨是非，使我们成功。

日常生活中这两种朋友都存在。然而，在人们心目中仍存在理想的朋友。这种朋友勤奋、成功并忠诚。当你需要帮助时，他们会与你并肩作战，伸出援助之手。他们还可以与你分享快乐与痛苦。我认为朋友要分享一些东西但也要保留自己的秘密，所以我希望我的朋友不会过多地介入我的私事。从另一方面来说，我的朋友和我应有共同之处，同时又有各自的特点。这样我们才可以互相吸引，互相学习。

第三篇：美式幽默英语演讲稿

演讲中的美式幽默

美国人爱幽默，特别是大庭广众之中，演讲者丢包袱、甩噱头，营造出一种轻松欢快、与听众互动的氛围，已经是现代美国文化的一种常态。马克-吐温的幽默细胞，已俨然浸入到美国文化的血液中。

市长的幽默

崔永元先生介绍了波斯顿市长在与中国市长同僚们会面时演说的幽默，波斯顿市长说道，他绝对没有中国市长们那么威风，他在波斯顿当市长，更多的时候感觉自己就象个“墓地看守”，“看起来人挺多”但——“没有一个听我的”。呵呵。那是当然的啰，在美国是个人主义得道，强调天赋人权，人人平等。不象中国，千年来儒家的“君臣父子长幼有序”，人的尊严完全奠立于手中握有权力的大小。当了官，尤其当了个“高官”，周围多半会有一批马屁精们围绕。马屁精们放弃自己的尊严，整天把领导的官衔挂在嘴上，使得我们领导的感觉不要太好哦！

看看山东作协里的“作家”——在四川汶川地震时为追思被埋葬在废墟下的学生写的诗——对领导的吹捧和赞美到了不知人间羞耻的地步！

没看现在国内，大家千军万马争当“公务员”—— 其中必

有不少人恐怕为的就是想要出人头地，期待身边有人来给他溜须拍马嘛！

可在美国，是不流行拍马屁的哎！牧师的幽默

去过美国教会听礼拜的大凡都有体会，美国牧师大多讲道时比较幽默，气氛活跃；不象国内牧师那样常常板起脸教训人，把讲道搞得枯燥无味。

有一次去教会参加美国朋友的一个婚礼，主持婚礼的牧师认真地向这对新人祝福，愿他俩“making love everyday!” 这句话，直白点的翻译便是：做爱每一天！当然也可以有柔和点的翻译：恩爱每一天！

完全木有过去在国内婚礼上主持人对新人的励志话语：共同携手——抓革命、促生产、为国家多做贡献（其实也只让生一个），，哈哈！

葬礼上的幽默

美国人演讲的幽默甚至连葬礼也不放过。

我在美国通过电视直播观看了苹果公司创建人乔布斯去世后的葬礼现场，苹果公司的一位高管，在葬礼上发表激情演说，他谈到乔布斯一向追求细节的完美，不能容忍任何的细节疏忽。演讲者说他“曾经多次陪乔布斯外出公干”，每到一地在宾馆住下，他把自己携带的行李中的衣物取出、摆放好，就立马会接到乔布斯打来的电话，乔布斯对这家宾馆房间乃至对这

个宾馆的某个细节不满意，要他“收拾行李”，准备跟他“换宾馆饭店”。以致后来他再陪乔布斯外出，到宾馆住下后，他连自己的行李都不敢打开，就坐在房间电话机旁边等——等乔布斯打电话来，准备换宾馆，“这样比较方便”，省得把东西刚拿出来，又要放进去。

会场一片笑声，哎，这哪像“葬礼”啊？ 有木有搞错？ 偶滴油墨 幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.because im a woman, she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇三：【英语】美式幽默 1.is she big-boned? 她是不是很魁梧啊？ big-bone看字面解释就知道是指骨架很粗大。这对美女(美国的女人)来说是见怪不怪的。在电影something about mary中就有这一句，is she big-boned? 那娇小的女子怎么说？娇小就是petite。很多从亚洲来女生来美国都抱怨买不到合适的衣服，其实很多店都有一区petite。去那里找找，保证你会有意想不到的收获。若是真的找不到，就试试teenager那儿也有许多合适的衣服。2.we have a female shortage here。

我们这里闹女人荒。

由于我的学校是理工学院，所以男女比例自然是不均匀，有一次连老美也不禁感叹道，we have a female shortage here。这样的说法是不是听来很特别？其实我看根本就不只是female shortage而是 female drought。或是更夸张一点的讲法，we have a female extinction here。3.you are a freaking yankee。

你是怪怪的北方佬。

老美彼此之间很喜欢拿对方的出生地作文章。因为南北的差异，所以或多或少北方人看不起南方人，南方人也看不起北方人。yankee 是南北战争时北军的士兵叫yankee, 现在一般指北方佬。而freaking是说这人很怪，或者解释成怪胎也可以。4.i am laying low。

我躲起来了。

有一次我问一个老美，how are you doing? 结果他回我i am laying low。结果在场的老美都在笑，但是只有我听不懂。其实laying low就是说躲的低低的，怕被别人看到，就是想办法混就对了。事后老美跟我解释说这句话其实没那么好笑，主要是因为我听不懂，大家才又觉得更好笑。5.i cut the cheese。

我放屁了。

一般人说放屁这个字都会用fart这个字，但是cut the cheese也有放屁的意思在里面。为什么呢？因为大家想想切cheese时会发出什么声音？是不是和放屁很像呢？但是这样的用法似乎并不常用，我只在某部很烂的片子：mysterious man里听过一次。6.do you go out with your gun loaded? 你要带著你上膛的枪出门吗？

此枪非彼枪。大家应该知道我指的是什么样的 枪, 这句也是我去看something about mary这部电影时学到的。使用时机就是有些男人出去跟女人约会，满脑子想的就是如何跟她上床，你要糗糗他，就可以这么说 do you go out with your gun loaded? she probably will get hurt。7.she is a big gossip。

她是八卦夫人。

gossip平时指的是八卦新闻，但它也可以拿来形容一个人很八卦。所以she is a big gossip就是说她是个八卦夫人。或是你也可以说，she is gossipy。中文里讲的广播电台在美国倒是不常见，反而是有另一种说说 she is an information bureau(她是情报局)也蛮有趣的。8.if the boys stare at you, they have guts to suck your teeth!如果男生盯著你看，他们就有胆亲你。

这是我看电视full house学来的，是二个姐妹的对话，这句话有三个地方我觉的很棒，第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯著人家看的意思，have guts 就是说有胆子的意思，(这是一个巧合，中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思！)而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指亲嘴的意思，很有趣，但是像这种句子是小孩子说的，难登大雅之堂。

亲嘴还有另外一个口语的用法：smooch 例如 i didnt smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。9.she is vertically challenged 她的身高受到了挑战

这样的说法就是说人家很矮的意思，但是是比较婉转(political correctness)的说法。什么challenged 就是说有某方面的障碍，如mentally challenged就是说心智障碍，也就是低能儿的意思。

关于这个political correctness老美也常用，不过中文并没有适当相对应的翻法。所谓的 political correctness就是说为了不得罪某一族群的人，而在用辞上加以修饰，让它听来不会歧视某一族群。例如 chairman这个字，可能会得罪某些女性主义者，所以就发明了chairperson这个字。这样子的转变，就可以算是 political correctness。10.where can i dump these white elephants? 这些无用的垃圾我要丢到哪里？

比如说家中的286计算机用之无味，弃之可惜，放在那里一摆就是好几年，这种垃圾就叫white elephant。只是这样的说法比较少见。不过有些人还是会这么用，我曾听一个老美他说，the fountain is a white elephant.意思是，这个喷水池真是废物。

有些老美会在自家的庭院前办所谓的garage sale, 就是把一些家里很少用到的东西拿出来卖。有些人的告示上会写white elephant sale。如果你不知道whte elephant指的是无用之物的话，你可能会觉得蛮奇怪的，为什么有人在卖白大象呢？篇四：美式幽默 美式幽默

中国式笑话与美国式笑话有很大的区别，你可以试着看看一下几个小故事，如果觉得真心好笑。那么说明你具有美式幽默哦！jack told his wife, helen, that he wanted to spend his vacation where he had never been before.helen said, “how about the kitchen?” charles came home at four in the morning and found his wife lying awake in the bed.where you until this hour of the morning? she screamed.ignoring what she asked, charelrs opened his bedroom closet and found a naked man cringing on the floor.chareles asked, who is this man? dont change the subject!replied his wife.篇五：美式幽默的字幕翻译论文

毕 业 论 文

学生姓名

学位层次 学 士

院 系 外 语

专 业 英 语

指导教师

完成日期 contents

abstract.........................................................................................1 abstract(chinese)..........................................................................2 i.introduction................................................................................3 ii.the principles of film subtitling translation of american humor.4 2.2 cultural return...................................................................6 2.3 colloquial domestication.....................................................7 ⅲ.the translation methods of american humor.............................8 3.1 the translation methods of the style dislocation.................8 3.2 the translation methods of irony........................................8 3.3 the translation methods of exaggeration.............................9 3.4 the translation methods of allusion..................................10 ⅳ.conclusion..............................................................................11

reference.....................................................................................12 abstract key words: american humor;film subtitling translation;translation principle;translation method 摘 要 电影在现今变得越来越流行，中国人被外语电影包围者，而外语电影业给中国人的生活带来了特别的美式幽默，全新的文化模式也给字幕翻译者带来了挑战，这篇文章围绕美式幽默字幕翻译展开的。美式幽默在外语电影作品中无处不在，它对幽默的字幕翻译处理也是颇有难度。电影中不同类型，不同形式的美式幽默为剧情增加了很多亮点。电影字幕这一文化载体要对其进行研究必定要置身于整个社会历史大环境下，不能只考虑语言文本的对等。这也对传统的翻译三原则提出了挑战，它在翻译上的难度也引起了人们对字幕翻译原则与方法的思考。

第四篇：幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother

爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?

你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.“because i'm a woman,” she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.“i don't understand,” he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said，“and you never will, but that's o.k.”.......妈妈拥抱了他说,“你永远也不会明白,但没关系...”

later the little boy asked his father，“why does mom seem to cry for no reason?”.后来小男孩问他的父亲“妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?”

“all women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say......“所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣”,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man，still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候，他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked “god, why do women cry so easily?”

最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问“上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?”

god answered......上帝回答:

“when i made woman，i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders

strong enough to carry

the weight of the world, yet，made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...”当我创造女人的时候，我决定把她造的很特别，我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是，却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength

to endure childbirth

and the rejection

that many times will come

even from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛，也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害，甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness

that allows her

to keep going and take care

of her family and friends，even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without

complaining....我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进，并且照顾自己的家人和朋友，甚至当每个人都放弃的时候，她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults

and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．

for all of this hard work，i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use

whenever needed and

it is her only weakness....when you see her cry，tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though

she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰．

she is special!

please send this to women you know, and those with mothers，sisters, and special women in their lives.她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.each day is a mountain that must be climbed;with courage each step gets easier.但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．

每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．

love your mother always

永远爱你的母亲，and keep her smiling

并且使她微笑常在

第五篇：幽默的英语演讲稿

英语演讲幽默开场白

作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。

作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常

紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么 开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？篇二：幽默英语演讲稿

幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.because im a woman, she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系...later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special.i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed.it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives.她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇三：中英文幽默演讲

幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。

我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。

如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。