第一篇：貂婵用英语编写的小品。
《貂婵》用英语编写的小品。
characters of the play diao-chan貂婵 adopted daughter of wang-yun, a very beautiful lady.------played by qian jinglu(main actress)钱晶露饰(女主角)dubbed by huang yulin黄煜琳配
wang-yun王允 prime minister of han dynasty, a mercy official.------played by yi si易思饰 dubbed by jiang mingqing江铭卿配
lyu-bu吕布 adopted son of dong-zhou, one of the greatest fighters during the time.------played by liu hang(main actor)刘行饰（男主角）dubbed by huang jixiang 黄吉祥配
dong-zhou董卓 a cruel, brutal, and powerful courtier controlling the royal government.------played by sun fan 孙帆饰 dubbed by xia xin夏鑫配
soldier------played by jiang yan姜岩饰 dubbed by xia xin夏鑫配 introducer-----xia xin夏鑫 storyteller-----jin beifang金蓓芳(in front of the curtain)preparing introducer[五位演员一起登场，由一位讲解员进行介绍.] hello, everybody here.this is a story about diao-chan.now i want to introduce all the characters for you.the first role is diao-chan, the female hero in this play.this is wang-yun, diao-chan’s father.and our lovely soldier.a brutish man, dong-zhuo.the last is the greatest fighter in our story, lyu-bu, general lyu.now let’s begin our story.[演员、讲解员回到幕后]
(curtain up)[幕拉开，灯光不开，同时我们的storyteller 开始道来] storyteller: ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls，now come along and enjoy my show.today i’m going to tell you a story--a story about diao-chan, a marvelous beauty;a story about love;a story about hate, and a story about loyalty and betrayal.[说到这里，幕已全开。然后后灯打开，从观众角度来看可以看到黑色的人影] some 1500 years ago, it was the last regime of the han dynasty.at a quiet late midnight, wang-yun, the prime minister of the time, was worrying about the future of his country.act 1 地点：王允家 人物：王允，貂禅
scene 前灯打开，观众角度可以看到舞台上的一切。音乐响起，伴随着《三国演义》的主题歌，王允在来回踱着步哀叹。wang-yun: 心理独白 now those ambitious courtiers started to scramble for power, profit and influence.wang-yun: but there’s nothing i can do because of dong-zhou’s adopted son, lyu-bu.he is the greatest fighter ever since and will protect his father!oh my lord, what am i going to do?(说完王很心痛得走，貂禅出现，双手合十，默默祈祷）
diao-chan:(sigh)[my lord, please help my father out.[王允听到了声音,循声而去.] diao-chan: since i was three my father wang-yun had treated me just like his own daughter!it’s time for me to repay his kindness.and, and…
wang-yun:(王允走了一圈，发现貂）what are you doing ,my dear? diao-chan: well… i have an idea about how to kill dong-zhou.wang-yun: oh, that’s great!but…… diao-chan: but daddy, that is the only way!wang-yun: but……
diao-chan: [diao-chan nods her head, with a firm and determined expression on her face.] dont worry!just trust me.dad.let’s get the whole thing started.wang-yun：[深深吐了一口气，缓缓地道出]o---k(灯光暗后复亮，表示场景的转换)act 2 地点：王允家
人物：王允，貂蝉，吕布，董卓，士兵
storyteller: and according to diao-chan’s plan, wang-yun has invited both lyu-bu and dong-zhou separately to his house.scene 灯光亮起。at wang-yun’s home.a wooden chinese table is set in the middle of the stage;some chinese wine pots and small wine cups are on it.also, two wooden chairs are placed next to it.wang-yun talking to the servant with anxious wang-yun: what time is it? servant: its eight.wang-yun: it s time for his coming.have a look!servant: yes sir.oh, sir, general lyu is at the door.wang-yun: hurry, my dear.lyu-bu is already here.diao-chan: don’t worry about me.let me go inside and prepare myself, ok? [she walks in.] [她进去了。同时，响起butterfly乐曲，貂跳起了跳舞毯,作为热身准备的交代。] wang-yun: [to the servant] let him in.servant: yes, sir.[the servant goes out and leads lyu-bu in] wang-yun : [觉得butterfly的声音太响，不堪忍受回头说了句]oh, my dear, turn down a bit.[音乐转轻至停止] lyu-bu: [walk towards wang-yun and hug him] long time no see, mr.wang.how have you been these days? wang-yun: fine, thank you.please take a seat.in fact, the main reason why i invited you today is that my daughter, diao-chan, has been an admirer of you long time ago.she would really love to see her hero.i was wondering weather you would like to meet her? lyu-bu: definitely!i’m delighted to do so.wang-yun: diao-chan, diao-chan…
diao-chan: [walks out from the painted screen.using her sleeves to cover her face, pretending to be shy.] yes, daddy.[diao-chan 以一个漂亮地步子走上前，看到lyu-bu 害羞地低下头。王允开始介绍] wang-yun: this is my daughter, diao-chan.and this is general lu, the greatest fighter in the world!diao-chan: [putting her sleeves down.] nice to meet you, general!i’ve admired you for a long time, a man full of power and grandeur!lyu-bu: [shocked by her beauty.] uh…wang-yun, this is your…your daughter? of course, you see.how lovely she is!and how deep i am in love with her just at the first sight!diao-chan: [躲到父亲的身后] thank you for your compliment, general lu.wang-yun: lyu-bu, since you are in love with diao-chan, then i now betroth my daughter to you!what do you think? lyu-bu: [心不在焉]pardon? wang-yun: marry.lyu-bu:(激动万分)oh,really? that would be my greatest pleasure!thank you so much!i will go and prepare for the wedding, and will be back soon![he looks at diao-chan and reluctantly left from the right.] [吕布回去，王允和貂禅对话] wang-yun: [making sure that lyu-bu has left, looking very relieve.] thanks god that things are going fine!diao-chan: [smiles at her father.] yeah…so far so good!wang-yun: but dear, i can’t stop worrying about you.here you are.in case you are in dangerous.[给刀子] diao-chan: [突然听到有人来了]hush…i heard someone coming.i shall stay behind the painted screen right now.[she walked behind the screen.] soldier: his highness dong-zhou enters [dong-zhou 抬着头。傲慢地走进来。王允被吓倒地] wang-yun: welcome!welcome!almighty mr.dong!it’s my greatest honor to invite you to my humble house!please come in and take a seat.dong-zhou: no.this is my name card.please call me dr.richard dong.i have graduated in school of business and economic in ecust，received doctor degree[拿出毕业文凭，大笑] wang-yun: oh…yes!so great!by the way, mr.dong, my daughter diao-chan would like to perform a dance for you.what do you think? dong-zhou: sure!why not![diao-chan跳舞而出，响起‘至少还有你’，然后演貂禅的演员跳起一段民族舞蹈，相信可以让大家心旷神怡。] [舞罢] dong-zhou: [applauds happily] charming!absolutely charming!diao-chan: thank you, mr.dong.i am glad that you enjoy my performance.[迎上，董卓赠于她一块玉佩] thank you.you have always been a hero in my heart.dong-zhou: [very glad] really? come here![diao-chan approaches him and dong-zhou gives her a closer look.] dong-zhou: you are such a beauty, my dear.wang-yun: do you really think so? what if i dedicate her to you as a token of our respect? i believe that it must be her dream to be at your side and to serve you.dong-zhou: wonderful![turns to the soldiers] soldiers take diao-chan back to my residence and provide her whatever she needs.her beauty deserves all the best![倒上桂林三花酒] [turns to wang-yun] cheers!for your beautiful daughter!wang-yun: cheers![diao-chan walks away with the soldiers while dong-zhou and wang-yun keep chatting and drinking.]
(灯光暗后复亮，表示场景的转换。背景道具变化，表示场景的较大变化)act3 地点：董卓安置貂禅的别院 人物：吕布，士兵，貂禅，董卓
storyteller: filling himself with anger and fury, lyu-bu goes directly to his father’s residence, searching for diao-chan.灯光亮起
scene at dong-zhou’s residence.a huge pavilion is at the right of the stage, with a horizontal inscribed board saying “dong’s pavilion” hanging on it.around the pavilion are some plants and chinese garden settings.a soldier stands at the right of the stage.diao-chan sits in the pavilion, reading peacefully.[lyu-bu rushes out of the stage.] soldier: sorry, general lu.miss diao is now in the garden.no one can go in to disturb her.it is mr.dong’s order.lyu-bu: get out of my way!i need to see diao-chan![拿出一包银子] soldier: ok.[吕布进] [士兵走到一旁满足的笑笑。吕布气势汹汹冲到貂房里。貂哭] lyu-bu： my dear.don’t cry.tell me.what had your father done to you? diao : he forced me to stay here with him.a soldier is always out there to prevent me from escaping.[吕布愤怒的看看士兵，走上前，一推] 士兵[倒地]：ahh.you have destroyed me.lyu-bu: shut![拿出了又一包银子给他] soldier： i must see my doctor at once.[走开] 貂[哭着]：i know that he is your father, and i know that i shouldn’t tell you about his terrible acts.but …… lyu-bu [火冒三丈]：it’s all right.don’t blame yourself.in fact i never know that man whom i called father is such a brutal animal!dong-zhou已在身后，冷笑：who is such a brutal animal?!lyu-bu退后三步
(灯光渐渐变暗直到看不见为止.lyu-bu walks out slowly from the right of the stage, 灯光只打在他身上)lyu-bu：（心里）[looking troubled, with a sword on his hand] to be or not to be, that is always the question.on one side, it is my own father, but the other, my dearest lady.(响起“左右为难”高潮段音乐，“一边是友情，一边是爱情”)oh, lord!what should i do? dong-zhou is so brutal and heartless, but he is my father after all!i can’t kill him.[puts down the sword] but, what about diao-chan? i can’t live without her!she is so helpless under dong-zhou’s control.i must save her.yes, i must save her, despite of anythinglyu-bu: father, i want diao-chan back.dong-zhou: no way.she belongs to me.lyu-bu: but i love her!i want her to be with me, despite of anything!dong-zhou: never.she is mine!lyu-bu: [charges dong-zhou with the sword] then, this is what you deserve![刀刺向董卓] dong-zhou: what are you doing, my son? don’t be foolish…auh…(be killed by lyu-bu.)lyu-bu: [his hands shaking] i…i have killed my own father!i have killed my own father.…what have i done? [ 他重重地蹲了下去，垂头丧气。灯光变得很昏暗，只有追光灯打在他身上] diao-chan： general lyu.[lyu-bu听到diao-chan的声音，突然抬起头。] diao-chan： let’s go.leave away from here.lyu[沉思片刻,使他从伤感中走了出来]: yes, my dear.[lyu-bu走到dong-zhuo跟前重重地踢上一脚，然后和diao-chan 慢慢地小步离去，舞台上剩下dong-zhuo的尸体和lyu-bu & diao-chan 的背影。
introducer(背景音乐起)：after dong zhou’s death, the turbulent country had restored into a peaceful lank.diao chan, the matchless beauty, the plain slave-girl.she sacrificed her own happiness for the best of her country.and gained her position in the man-controlled era.today, we still remember the love story of lyubu and diao-chan, not for its sincerity, its heartbreak effect.but for its concern with the future of the country.we extol diao-chan ,nor as much she was one of the 4-beauties of ancient china as she was a real heroine.the end
第二篇：英语小品
对白：几年前来中国的外国老师有来到中国执教了，今天她想去逛一下超市，顺便看一下中国的变化。
Vicky: Wow!The city has changed a lot.The flowers are beautiful.The buildings are so high.I want to buy a new skirt for my brother.独白：Vicky外国老师来到了佳乐家超市，进入了卖裙子专区。
Vicky: Hello!
卖家：How do you do?
Vicky: How do you do? I want to buy this skirt.卖家：（赞扬的表情）This skirt is so beautiful.You must buy it for yourself.Vicky: No, no, no.I buy it for my brother as present.卖家：（大笑）哪里会有卖男士裙子的？哈哈哈哈哈哈，还有男的穿裙子啊？？！哈哈哈哈哈
Vicky: No, I’m from Scotland.In my hometown, men have skirts in festivals.卖家：（恍然大悟状）哦，在春晚上，小沈阳就是穿的苏格兰裙子的。Oh，I see.Vicky: That’s it.独白：Vicky 仔细端详了一下裙子
Vicky：This one is great.I’ll buy it.How much is it?
卖家：Five hundred.(卖家包装裙子)This is your skirt and it’s our gift.Welcome to China.独白：经过一上午的购物，到了午饭的时间，Vicky 决定去吃当地的小吃。Vicky 外国老师来到了一处卖我烤肉串的地方。
Vicky(指着一串烤肉)：How much?
店主：哇，来了块大肥肉啊，这老外不知道价格，我要狠狠的宰她一下，哈哈哈（窃喜）Vicky: How much?(动作：伸出一根手指头)
店主： Five Yuan.Vicky: 别人家（动作：指向别的店铺）Two Yuan.YouFive Yuan.It’s expensive.不公平。（用外国人的口音说）
店主：（小声说）（惊奇的表情）这老外居然还懂点汉语啊。
This is my dad’s dad’s dad’s dad’s 烤肉秘方，Delicious , this is delicious very much..这烤肉千里飘香，吃一口保准你想再来一口。
Vicky: Really?? 真的么？？ Deal
店主 包装食品
A few minutes later
独白： Vicky老师捂着肚子，脸色发黄，她回来找店主了。
喜羊羊与灰太狼 主题曲伴奏开始
Vicky 老师唱： 别看我是个老外，我就是一直肥羊，店主是一只灰太狼。
Lilei：(对Vicky 说)I’m a primary school student.What’s wrong with you?
Vicky: I bought the meat, but it makes me sick.I have called a friend to help me.She is going to come here.(做打电话状)
Lilei：（对店主说）我已经看到事情的经过了，你怎么能卖的一样的东西却比别人的贵呢？？而且还有质量问题，这不是丢我们国人的脸么？
店主：（作自夸状）我经营烤肉店数十载，历史悠久，味道独特，当然价格要贵了，还用得着你这个小娃娃来教育我么？？！
独白： Vicky的朋友来了（The friend comes）.Lilei：（惊讶表情）Miss Hou, It’s you!
Miss Hou:(惊讶表情)Lilei，What are you doing here?
Vicky: You know each other?
Miss Hou:(微笑)（对着Vicky说）He is my student.(对lilei说)This is our new teacher.Lilei：我本来要去图书馆的，但是我刚才看到了卖烤肉的店主卖坏的烤肉给这位老师。Miss Hou:(对店主说)How can you do that? 你怎么能做这样的事呢？怎么可以欺骗我们的外国友人呢？
店主 低头，作反思表情
Miss Hou:(对lilei说)You are honest.I take pride of you.店主：(道歉，悔恨的说)I’m sorry about that.I shouldn’t ask a high price for you.I will refund the money.I’m also sorry about the meat.I would like to undertake your lose.Vicky:(原谅的表情)I accept your apology.I also feel your honesty.独白： 店主真诚的向Vicky 老师道歉了，Vicky老师也接受了道歉，同时lilei也发扬了我们中华民族诚信的美德，值得我们大家学习。
Miss Hou, Vicky, lilei鼓掌赞扬店主知错能改。
第三篇：英语小品
（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
(This short play is set in a restaurant named “Scottish Taste / Feel.” Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)赵本山：到了。毛毛：
到了。
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。毛毛：
爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。毛毛：
爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？ 毛毛：
我没拿包啊。赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。毛毛：
完了，让我落炕上了。
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗？ 毛毛：
兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。毛毛：
这也不能够啊。
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao Here we are.Yadar
Here we are.Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: “Scottish Tease / Fool.” Yadar
You got it wrongfrom the inside out.Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt? Shenyang
Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style.See, it's no skirt but Capri pants.Look at this, look.Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry.No wonder I feel different while walking.Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah!I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute.You should do you' best.Shenyang
No problem.Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad? Shenyang
Why so / What's wrong? Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.Shenyang
About 10,000 to 20,000.Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow? 小沈阳：打白条儿啊？
赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。小沈阳：啥意思？ 赵本山：小费。
小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。赵本山：给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。小沈阳：咋兜呢？
赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......小沈阳：我就说没有呗。
赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。赵本山：谢谢。小沈阳：放心吧。
毛毛：
爷爷，我有点饿了。赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。小沈阳：呃，78一碗。赵本山：啥面？这么贵。小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。赵本山：是不是卤子贵？ 小沈阳：卤不要钱。
赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。
赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。Shenyang
You'll give me an IOU? Uncle Zhao Not that.I've got the money anyway.Take this.Shenyang
What's it? Uncle Zhao A tip for you.Shenyang
You do understand people / things / the world, sirZhujun!Oh sorry.Bai Yansong? Oh no.Or a Bi something!Are you Mr.Bi? CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.Shenyang
Come here everyone, it`s Mr.Bi here.(To CCTV Man)Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up!Come here!He can go elsewhere at any minute.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fussy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf? Shenyang
He's Mr.Bi...Uncle Zhao I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.Shenyang
Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr.Bi? Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)Wait, wait.(To CCTV Man)Welc'me, Mr.Bi.CCTV Man Nice to meet you.Uncle Zhao I've been waitin' all this time for you.CCTV Man Thanks a lot really.May I have your name please? Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see? CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.Uncle Zhao You got it.Here's his daddy and I'm...Yadar
Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.Uncle Zhao An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy.Aren't you lookin' for a dad...I mean it's right to be looking my way.CCTV Man Hi, daddy...I mean buddy.So where's your son? Uncle Zhao He's at the township waitin' for you.Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you.With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle.Flowers all around.CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy? Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow.Lots of folks' waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin' all over.CCTV Man Why's that? Uncle Zhao They're excited.CCTV Man Let's go there, then.Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first.How abut that? 3rd 毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？
赵本山：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。
毕福剑：别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。
赵本山：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。小沈阳：毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。毕福剑：你是男服务员？ 小沈阳：嗯哪。
毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。
赵本山：我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？ 毕福剑：刚到，刚到。赵本山：咱是老乡。毕福剑：是吗？
赵本山：你不是大连人吗？ 毕福剑：对对，大连人。赵本山：你住哪儿？
毕福间
我住大连老鳖湾。
赵本山：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕。毕福剑：你姥爷叫毕什么？ 毛毛：
毕门庭。
毕福剑：你姥爷打麻将肯定是高手。赵福剑：咋的？ 毕福剑：闭门听嘛。
赵本山：正好你叫闭门炮。
CCTV Man Why here? Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling.Do c'me this way please.CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.Shenyang
A picture of the two of us, please.CCTV Man(to Shenyang)You're...a male waiter? Shenyang
Yup.CCTV Man
You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came.How funny he is dressin' up like this? Sit down here.Did you enjoy your trip? CCTV Man Yes, quite.Uncle Zhao We mus' be fellow townsmen.CCTV Man
Are we? Uncle Zhao Ain`t you from Dalian? CCTV Man Sure.Uncle Zhao Which part? CCTV Man Old Turtle Bend.Uncle Zhao Where her mummy's daddy used to live, too.So we're even relatives.CCTV Man(to Yadar)What`s his name? Yadar
Bi Menting.CCTV Man Your grandpa must be good at playing mahjong.Uncle Zhao Why? CCTV Man The name sounds like a mahjong term.Uncle Zhao That matches you' nickname “Bi Mengpao,” as you're a mahjong man you'self.毕福剑：我叫毕福剑。
赵本山：这也是的，没准儿都......实在......哎呀，这一笑，你看看，多像你姥爷临走那张照片。毛毛：
爷爷，你快看，不笑更像。毕福剑：我今儿个躲不开了。
赵本山：孩子这一辈子，跟爷爷不行，就跟姥爷亲。姥爷临走把她哭完了。快认姥爷。毛毛：
姥爷好。
毕福剑：别别别，起起......。大过年的，你要来这个，我得给你压岁钱了。赵本山：不用，不用。哎呀，这家伙，来......小沈阳：毕老师，你给我照个相呗。
赵本山：这没吃饭呢，你先揣起来。点菜，快点。小沈阳：照完再点呗。赵本山：点完再照。小沈阳：要跑了呢？ 赵本山：。谁跑啊？毕老师都低调来的，你别跟人这样说。她姥爷，这都......实在亲戚，你就点吧。
毕福剑： 不不不，咱随便吃点饭就可以了。您来，您来。
赵本山： 现在咱家都富了，农民生活跟过去不一样了。你就铆劲儿吃，你说吃能吃多少钱哪。我点。
毕福剑：随便来。
赵本山：澳洲鲍鱼四只。小沈阳：对不起，没有。
毕福剑：算了，别点那么贵的。你往下来。赵本山：四斤的龙虾。
小沈阳：对不起，没那么大的。
CCTV Man Just Bi Fujian.Uncle Zhao Yeah, whut an...well, I'm really...(To Yadar)Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.Yadar
Look, even more like it when he doesn't.CCTV Man So I'm hopeless either way.Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me.Sort of cried her heart out when he died.Say hello to you' new grandpa.Yadar
(kneeling down / with a kowtow)How do you do, grandpa.CCTV Man Don't, please.It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money.Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir.You're indeed...Shenyang
We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)We haven't ordered our dishes yet.Put this damn' thing away.We'll see whut to eat first.C'me.Shenyang
Just one picture, please.Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first.Shenyang
What if he runs away after the meal? Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr.Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance.Don't you say a thing like that.(To CCTV Man)I'm whut they call a “country pumpkin,” my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest.So you please order the dishes.CCTV Man Don't be too polite.You do it.Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before.Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway.Please give me the menu.CCTV Man
Don't be extravagant, buddy.Uncle Zhao
Australian abalones, four.Shenyang
Sorry, they're out of stock.CCTV Man Too expensive anyway.Let's move on down.Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each.Shenyang
Sorry, nothing that big.4th 赵本山：有多大的？ 小沈阳：有一斤多的。
赵本山：一斤多的......有吗？ 赵本山：有......还是没有啊？
赵本山：这个......我跟你说，有没有，这是你开的店呢，你还不明白？这不差钱。小沈阳：哦......那没有。
毕福剑：下边我看看，鱼翅就更别点了。
赵本山： 鱼翅有也别吃了，我吃鱼翅有一回就卡住了，后来用馒头噎，用醋泡，都不好使，到医院用镊子拿出来的。不吃那玩意儿。毕福剑： 他也没有。
赵本山： 你这酒店怎么要啥啥没有呢？干什么玩意儿吃的？这毕老师容易来一趟？把你老板找来
小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：你就记住一个没有了，是不？老板。小沈阳：啊，老板哪？老板出去了。赵本山：上哪儿去了？ 小沈阳：不知道。
赵本山：啥玩意儿呀你？你说吃啥呀？ 毕福剑：来点儿家常便饭。民间的。
赵本山：民间的是吧？来民间的吧，孩子，来个小野鸡炖蘑菇。小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：这个可以有。小沈阳：这个......真没有。
Uncle Zhao Whut kind do you have? Shenyang
Half a kilo each.Uncle Zhao Somethin' you really have? Shenyang
Yes we do...or no? Uncle Zhao C'me on, boy, it's you take care of things here.Don't you know whut you've got an' whut not? I'll ne'er shortchange you.Shenyang
So no, we haven't got lobsters.CCTV Man Let me have a look.Even less need for ordering shark's fin.Uncle Zhao I won't.Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my t'roat.I tried to remove it by swallowin' lumps of rice an' softenin' it with vinegar.It didn't work, though.I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with s'me tweezers.So, sharp stuff jus' won't do.CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway.Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothin' to serve.You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy.A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr.Bi.Where's you' boss? Get him here.Shenyang
No boss, sir.Uncle Zhao Run out of a boss as well? Shenyang
Well...the boss is out.Uncle Zhao Where's he? Shenyang
No idea.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell shall we have to eat, then? CCTV Man Just something homely.Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then.A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms.Shenyang
I'm sorry, sir.Uncle Zhao That's whut you can have.Shenyang
Something we really don't have.赵本山：我给你带来了啊，咱有。来，丫蛋，把这拿来。哎呀，多亏带来了。毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：我是给你往北京带的，现在你拿不走了，赶紧得在这儿吃了。毕福剑
野山鸡不能吃。
赵本山：这是家养的。都是野蘑菇。把这个炖了，高压锅啊，时间长点，来。好了，这儿有一个菜了。来，笨蛋。小沈阳：你说谁笨蛋？！
赵本山：不是，我说再点个笨鸡蛋。小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：我有。这样......毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：这鸡蛋和大葱一炒。
毕福剑：你怎么下一趟饭店，材料都自己备？
赵本山：不是，他没有啊，问题是。给他钱都没处找去。几个菜了？俩了，这样吧，给你们点机会。毕老师来一回，你们饭店表示不？
小沈阳： 赠送一个呗。哎呀妈呀，大爷你咋这么抠呢？你说你一个没点，完了我们还得搭一个，啊？
赵本山：我说小伙子，咱们不是一个没点。我点完之后，鲍鱼、龙虾你都没有。小沈阳：有没有，你心里还没数吗？ 赵本山：我有啥数，你不是说没有吗？
小沈阳： 别说话了。一说万一要有，咋整啊？ 赵本山： 你到底有没有？这差钱还是咋的？
Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought.Get it here, Yadar.Lucky we didn't c'me with empty hands.CCTV Man No, buddy...Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijin'.As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now.CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption.Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home.Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-pressure cooker till they're th'roughly done.So far we've got one dish ready.C'me here, dumb bell.Shenyang
What did you say? Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg.Shenyang
We don't have any, sir!Uncle Zhao I do.All right...CCTV Man Buddy...Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions.CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant? Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here.Not even if you're willin' to pay.See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine!(To Shenyang)Now I'm givin' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr.Bi here.Shenyang
We'll serve one dish for free.You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy.But whut did you have, abalones or lobsters? Shenyang
Is it up to me to say yes? Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!Shenyang
Cut it out, sir.If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next? Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money.5th 小沈阳：我知道大爷不差钱。我的意思，毕老师好容易来一回，咱吃喝不能在乎钱，大爷。你看我今年岁数小，但是我总结了，人这一生其实可短暂了，有时候一想，跟睡觉是一样一样的。眼睛一闭，一睁，一天过去了；眼睛一闭，不睁，这辈子就过去了。毕福剑：小伙子，精辟。赵本山：精辟啥，他是屁精。小沈阳：大爷，我没别的意思。赵本山：你啥意思？
小沈阳：我的意思，人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情，你知道是什么？
赵本山：嗯？
小沈阳：人死了，钱没花了。
赵本山：人这一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么吗？ 小沈阳：啥呀？
赵本山：是人活着呢，钱没了。不差钱，放心吧，啊。把菜好好做上。小沈阳：哎，好嘞。赵本山：这孩子。
小沈阳：这一天......这也太抠了。
赵本山：他姥爷，这菜呢，得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了，这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。毕福剑：艺......艺术细胞。
赵本山：给看看，能不能上你的大道。毕福剑：她......赵本山：才艺，那是了不得。
毕福剑：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到这儿来，就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。赵本山：可不是嘛，它有这么个关系。毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么？
赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。服务员，拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗？拿来。站好了。
Shenyang
This I know, sir, but with Mr.Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep.Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over.Eyes closed but never opened againbecause I've found my grandpa.Grandpa's great, he can take me to the Star Splashed Walkway.CCTV Man Starlight Broadway.Uncle Zhao Starlight Broadway.Yadar
Broadway or whatever, I'm grateful to grandpa for this chance.I'll be very thankful if you can take me to your Broadway.I'll thank your ancestors...I mean I'll thank you on behalf of my own ancestors of long, long years ago.I won't forget this great favor you've done me.I owe this new life of mine to you.I'll go on chasing you even after I die to become a ghost.CCTV Man(to Uncle Zhao)Grandpa...I mean you.The way she spoke sort of upset me.Uncle Zhao Eh...I guess she jus' wants to revenge you...CCTV Man Is that so? Uncle Zhao No, I mean to repay you.Or reimburse you or whute'er.One should repay those who've generously helped him or her.When the girl becomes famous, she really shouldn`t forget you.(To Yadar)Go ahead and sing.CCTV Man Can she sing a song? Uncle Zhao Sing “The Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau” by Li Guyi.Yadar
It`s by Li Na.Uncle Zhao Whoe'er it is.6th 毛毛现场演唱《青藏高原》。）毛毛：
“是谁带来远古的呼唤？
是谁留下千年的期盼......” 赵本山：中间的不用唱了，最后那个。哦哟啦，那个。毛毛：
“......那就是青藏高原。” 毕福剑：年龄不大，嗓门真高。
赵本山：来来，再长一个调儿。“那就......”。毛毛：
爷爷，卤子有点吃咸了。（小沈阳忍俊不禁）毕福剑：好好。
赵本山：还有呢？后面连哭带唱的。毕福剑：等一下。赵本山：连哭带说。
毕福剑：老哥，我问一下，连哭带说是什么节目？ 赵本山：就后面“我家庭怎么困难，怎么不容易”那段。毕福剑：不不，那叫获奖感言。《星光大道》都是真人真事。你这还没有上北京，没参加《星光大道》，就获奖感言了。赵本山：这关系，另外这条件，她不获奖能行吗？他姥爷在这儿，我还没底吗？来来来，哭，哭。这孩子可厉害了。差仨数，她马上就哭。一、二、三--哭！毛毛：
咋哭？
赵本山：哭啊，丫蛋，在家哭那么快，真完蛋了。毛毛：
明儿也哭不出来。
赵本山：不跟姥爷有感情吗？来，看姥爷，姥爷照片在这儿。毛毛：
呜呜，嘻嘻，嘻嘻。赵本山：完蛋了，笑什么！
毛毛：
太有了意思了，哪照片呀这。
毕福剑：不说了，不说了。才艺很不错，唱得很不错。Yadar
(starting to sing)
“Ah, who brings here the earnest call of remote antiquity?
Ah, who leaves behind the expectations of the millennium?”
Uncle Zhao Skip the middle part and move on to the final climax.(Trying to imitate)Yo-la-la.See? Yadar
“...That's Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau，The highland of my soul!” CCTV Man What a high pitch you've got for your age.Uncle Zhao Push higher up.Like this.Yadar
Grandpa, the sauce's hurt my voice a bit.(Shenyang giggles again)CCTV Man(to Yadar)That's enough.Uncle Zhao Next, the game of ravin' in tears after the show.CCTV Man Wait a minute.Uncle Zhao Gabbling between sobs.CCTV Man What exactly? Uncle Zhao Like “I'm from a poor family an' life's been extra hard for me.” CCTV Man Not that yet.Hold it off till after she's got an award in Beijing.The Starlight Broadway's about what people actually experience in real life.They're not supposed to act things out beforehand.Uncle Zhao See whut support she's got an' how truly marvelous she is at singin'? It'd be funny if she goes there without winnin'!With you her grandpa here, I've got nothin' to worry about.(To Yadar)C'me on, Yadar.Show Grandpa Bi how you cry.(Back to CCTV Man)The girl's fantastic.You only count to t'ree and she'll sure break down.(Back to Yadar)One, two, t'reethe click rate is just fuckin' high.The girl with the cyber name “Yadar” is her.CCTV Man
So she's the Yadar netizens're talking so much about? Uncle Zhao
Sure.毕福剑：太好了。你马上上菜，今天这顿饭我包了，我请客。丫蛋，你明天跟着大哥一起去北京，上《星光大道》。你们搞一个组合，就叫“不差钱”。毛毛：
我也能去了？ 毕福剑：可以啊。毛毛：
谢谢姥爷。小沈阳：谢谢姥爷。
赵本山：我跟你说，毕老师，你们《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗？谁都可以参与嘛。他们都要了，把我也接收得了呗。
毕福剑：搜狐网上也有您的名字？
赵本山：你点一下试试呗。另外，我有个重要秘密没跟您透露。毕福剑：什么秘密？
赵本山：其实我姥爷也姓毕。（演员谢幕）
CCTV Man
Fantastic!(To Shenyang)Serve the meal quick.It's going to be my treat today-I'll pay the bill.And Yadar, you go off to Beijing tomorrow along with Shenyang, and join the rest of us there at Starlight Broadway.The two of you shall team up and prepare a comic piece with the title “Got the Money Anyway.” Yadar
Can I really go? CCTV Man Of course.Yadar
Thank you, grandpa.Shenyang
Thank you, grandpa.Uncle Zhao Dear in-law, I know the Starlight Broadway's a stage for common people to play on.If you can take the two youngsters with you, why can't you take me too? CCTV Man Are you famous, too, on the internet? Uncle Zhao You can click an' see.An' there's a little secret I haven't told you yet.CCTV Man What's it? Uncle Zhao My maternal grandpa, too, was surnamed Bi.(The entire cast exeunt after courteously bowing to the audience.)
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第四篇：英语小品
《Psychology sharing》
角色分配：
Doctor1=D1 Doctor2=D2 Patient1=P1Patient2=P2 Patient3=P3 Patient4=P4 正文对白（无旁白）
D1、D2: Hello everyone,we are the psychology assistants of Zhejiang University.D1: We are responsible to give an ear for you,our dear classmates, to share puzzles or disappointments you meet.D2: Study, emotion, love, whatever in your daily life.D1、D2: And we will provide as much as we can to help you overcome the peak in your mind.Section1: D1: You look so down, poor boy.P1: I can’t believe that.(低声默念)D1: Pardon me please.I will try to catchit this time.P1: I can’t believe that!（大声嚷出）
D1: Got it.（低声无奈）But, what’s the matter with you? If you speak it out, it may be not as serious as you thought.P1: But it really is.I have never imagined this shamed<羞耻的> thing occurs to me and I have no dignity<尊严> to face everyone surrounding me.I’m not the focus of others anymore because my grades drop from4.9 to 4.8 this term.（双手抱头作绝望状）
D1: Oh, my goodness!I have to take back my words;you are not a poor boy…（低声无奈）You know, I have only got once 4.0, while, in a math-class dream.（难为情）P1: What a poor boy!（捂脸作无奈状）
D1: However, I still lead a happy life.One thing you must be clear is that marks are not the whole of your life and there must exist<存在> something more meaningful.Put down those endless exercises and go outside the tight classroom, maybe you’ll find another sky of college.P1: I’ll take a risk.Thank you.D1: Good luck to you.You need a new life.Section2: D1: What’s your problem? P2: I find myself useless.D1: What happened? Maybe I can give you a favor.P2: I noticed her at the first sight.I tried to know everything about her, her major;her hobby, her favorite song,but she never pays any attention on my…（沉默状）
D1: You mean your hidden love? Because you never talk to her!
P2: Sorry, I can’t make it.（惭愧状）You know, I’m an engineering student, so I haven’t talked to female for one year except my mother on the phone!D1: Well…（无奈状）You really need more practice.Now try to imagine me as your dreaming girl.P2: If she looks like the same as you, I guess I’ll never talk to her.D1:（自取其辱状）I mean, just imagine and try.P2: Imagine…（假想陶醉状）Darling!Do you know how I love you!I can’t fall asleep when I think of your charming<迷人的> smile and I am always dreamed about walking along the lake hand in hand.Believe me, I’m your future.I will devote whatever I have in loving you.Give me a chance, please, please, please……（作更深一步陶醉状）（P2抓住D1的手不放，D1吓得神魂错乱，起身逃离现场，P2紧追不舍并保持陶醉状）Section3: P3: She doesn’t need me anymore…（委屈绝望状）D2: Hey, man, cheer up!What’s the matter? P3: I joined the Student Union of our school and I was set in a working group including a pretty girl.We stay connection every day and go for dinner together after finishing the assignment.And I always consider her just as a companion at work.But my girlfriend doesn’t believe that.D2: What a pity!Have your girlfriend evercome cross you two together? P3: Never...（作犹豫状）Except for yesterday...D2: Then what happened? P3: She ran away and texted me at night,everything is over.（惋惜状）D2: Do you love her now?（此句及下句要说清，下段有铺垫，重音一定要加强）
P3: Of course the answer is yes, that is why I come here.I don’t know what I can do to save it.D2: Perhaps it was all caused by her compulsion at the time, if you say sorry to her and explain for your working relationship,maybe she will take back her words.P3: ….（默许点头，轻轻离座，坐在离主表演台较近的地方不要离开）Section4: P4:（哭泣状，声音哽咽）I should have given him the chance to explain.I was so annoyed and compulsive that time, so….I took out all the photos we took together and all the gifts he gave to me and I found myself really can’t put down all unforgettable experience with him.It was my fault but I can't own him anymore.D2: Do you love him now? P4: Of course the answer is yes, that is why I come here.I don’t know what I can do to save it.D2: Oh, what the hell!You are definitely<显然的> the couple.Then follow me, quickly, he can’t be so far from here.（推门而出，发现P3就坐在外面）
P3: I heard what you had said in.I love you, honey.P4: I will never let it go.（P3与P4相拥许久，D1用手机播放My heart will go on最好多几个手机不然声音太小）全体: Welcome to share your problem.my fault but I can’t own him anymore.
第五篇：小品英语
English Learning 第一部分
报幕员台词：
W: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.Both: 大家晚上好。
W: With the opening up of China and the development of its tourism industry, English, as an international language, is becoming more and more important.M: 随着中国的对外开放，旅游业的迅速发展，英语，作为国际语言，在我们的身边变得越来越重要。
W: The Government of the Baoji City calls on the whole city to learn English.M: 宝鸡市委、市政府号召全市人民兴起了学习英语的新高潮。
W: Now, you can see everyone, men and women, young and old, learning English everywhere.M: 如今，在宝鸡，您随处可见男男女女、老老少少都在学英语。我们金口才外国语学校里的学生都特别的爱学英语，这不，在我们的课余时间里两位同学就对英语学习进行了一番讨论。Ok.Let's enjoy the performance, “English learning”.请欣赏我们的小品《学英语》。
第二部分
剧本台词：
（时间：星期一早晨 地点：校园里）
Li Le:（出场）My name is Le le, I am a student of our training School.But I just came here yesterday, I know nothing about English.SUN: My name is Le le。
LI:（乐乐上。练读旅游英语300句）How do you do(好赌有赌)? How do you do(好赌有赌)? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）.Me，too.I can't speak Chinese（爱砍他死屁踩你死）.Can（砍）you（油）speak English(英国历史)? Yes, a little（啊里头）.What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）? 这不，中国的发展这么快，人人都在学英语，我也要更加努力学好English„..芳芳，芳芳！
SUN: 你好，乐乐。LI: 你好，你再听我读一遍，看看还有什么地方读得不好。（读旅游 英语300句）How do you do(好赌有赌)? How do you do（好赌有赌）? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）.Me，too.I can't speak Chinese.（爱砍他死屁踩你死）.Can you speak English(砍油死屁英国历史)? Yes（爷死）, a little（啊里头）.What can I do for you（我砍爱读佛油）?（他边读边摇头晃脑，很自豪的样子）
Fang: 奶奶，什么“好赌有赌”，是“How do you do? ”。不是“英国历史”，是“English”。是“ Chinese”，不是“踩你死”。跟我读。How do you do?(奶奶跟读)不行，How do you do?（奶奶跟读）好，再读 一 遍，（奶奶读）好,很 好.I can't speak Chinese.Can you speak English?（奶奶跟读）再来，I can't speak Chinese.(奶奶跟读)好的，再来。（奶奶读）Can you speak English?(奶奶跟读)好，再练一下。
A:Do,do,do,how do you do? See, see, see, nice to see you.ABCDEFG, I must 攻克you。Yeah.B:Hey, hey,hey.挺认真的呢！在干什么？英国老鼠,很时代感呀！
A：哎，不学也不行了。往事不可提呀，太伤我们中华民族的自尊了。B：这么惨，说来听听。
A：哎，有一次我在广州和daddy, mummy去广州乘bus.B：guangzhou bus, wow，many people.A：对了，人都快被挤成相片了。那bus go,stop,go, stop，我是东摇西晃前赴后继,啊，一不小心—— B：撞死了。
A：你咋就不能说一句好话啊！撞死了谁做你的搭档啊！踩到后面人的脚了。我回头一看，原来是一个身材魁梧，黄头发，蓝眼睛，白皮肤—— B：你说老外得了呗！
A：我一看是老外，咱可不能丢我们中华少年儿童的良好传统，于是我露出一个真诚的、迷人的微笑，说：I’m sorry!B:Oh,I’m sorry ,too!
A:我这心一想：啊，人家老外sorry two, Oh, I’m sorry three.B:What are you sorry for? A:哎呀！这老外是寸步不让啊，他都Sorry four了，不行，我好歹也是学了五六年的英语了，我连忙说Oh,Oh,Oh,I’m sorry five!B:Sorry five? HA!HA!HA!A:这老外还敢取笑我，气刹吾也！I’ll give you some colour to see see!B：（模仿老外口音）什么？你要给我一点颜色看看！
A：我一听，太伤自尊心了，于是一横心就打算把这破英语搞好。听说您最近英语学得很有心得，是不是真的呢？
B：不敢，不敢，只不过是学得了一点儿皮毛，说不上一级棒！A：那这样子好了，让我来考考您！
B：沒问题，尽管考～（一副很有自信的样子）
A：注意听了：I am the apple of my parent's eye."是什么意思？
B：apple,那还不容易吗？我们学校一年级的小朋友都会了，还考我：苹果啦。eye:就是眼睛。苹果眼睛，苹果怎么在眼睛呢？错了，肯定是句错句。那些老外的眼睛那么大的吗？往你父母的眼睛放苹果？ A：Ｎo-No-No-------
B：Oh, please.（哀求狀）到底是什么了？
A:嘿嘿，不懂了吧。你想想，我的爸爸妈妈最疼哪个呀？ B：当然是你啦。
A：对了，在他们的眼里，我是什么了？ B：小宝贝，小皇帝。
A：汝子可教，汝子可教呀。那么: I am the apple of my parents' eye.就是说： A/B：我是我父母的小宝贝，我父母的掌上明珠。
B：英国老鼠的知识实在太有趣了，我一定要好好地学习。A：对。让我们天天read，天天listen,天天进步！yeah.
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