奥巴马幽默拜年：山羊绵羊都要快乐

第一篇：奥巴马幽默拜年：山羊绵羊都要快乐

Michelle and I send our warmest wishes to everyone celebrating the Lunar New Year here in America and all around the world.I’ll always remember the parades, fireworks, and gatherings that surrounded the Lunar New Year when I was growing up in Hawaii.And now as President, this celebration is a perfect reminder of the many cultures and faiths that make us who we are as Americans.米歇尔和我要向在美国和世界各地庆祝农历新年的人们致以最温暖的祝福。我永远记得，当我在夏威夷长大时，人们庆祝农历新年时的游行、烟花、聚会的场景。现在，我当上了总统，当时的画面提醒我，正是多元的文化和种族构成了今天的美国人民。

We are a nation of immigrants.Our vast array of traditions and perspectives and backgrounds – our melting pot – is what makes America unique.It’s what keeps us fresh and dynamic and entrepreneurial.That’s why last year, I took action to help fix our broken immigration system.But our work isn’t finished.We’ve still got to come together to pass a comprehensive immigration bill so that we can expand opportunities for more people to study, and serve, and contribute to our nation.Those are the aspirations that have attracted families to our shores for generations.And that story continues today.So whether you’re celebrating the Year of the Ram, the Year of the Goat, or the Year of the Sheep, may we all do our part to carry forward the work of perfecting this country that we love.我们的民族是移民者构成的。美国是一个大熔炉，正是我们多元的传统、视角和背景，才让美国人与众不同。正是这一点让我们永葆青春，活力无限，乐于创业。这也是为什么去年我采取行动，帮助修复美国支离破碎的移民体系。但我们的工作尚未结束，我们仍然需要团结起来，通过一项综合性移民法案，这样我们可以为更多的人提供来美学习、工作、做贡献的机会。正是这样的期待，吸引无数家庭一代又一代人移民美国，这样的故事今日依旧在上演。不管你庆祝的是公羊年、山羊年还是绵羊年，衷心希望每个人都能贡献自己的力量，推动这个我们深爱的国家变得更加完善。Happy New Year, everybody.再一次祝大家羊年快乐。

第二篇：奥巴马白宫晚宴幽默演讲上演单口相声

奥巴马白宫晚宴幽默演讲上演单口相声

自爆齐刘海搞怪照

美国总统奥巴马4月27日晚上出席白宫记者协会晚宴，公布自己的齐刘海搞怪照片，爆猛料拿自己开涮。晚宴上，奥巴马公布了一批修改的搞怪图片。图片中，第一夫人米歇尔的齐刘海发型转移到了奥巴马脑门上。奥巴马说，希望在第二届任期中做出改变，提升形象，不知道偷师米歇尔“换发型”算不算其中之一。奥巴马当晚尺度大开，不断自嘲。此前，他在复活节庆祝活动上，打篮球曾经22投2中，惨不忍睹的命中率是难得的笑料。总统先生也大方的主动提起，博得在场各位一笑。

Remarks by The President at The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner 英语演讲稿：

Washington Hilton Hotel, Washington, D.C.10:14 P.M.EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.(Applause.)Thank you, everybody.(Laughter.)How do you like my new entrance music?(Applause.)Rush Limbaugh warned you about this--second term, baby.(Laughter and applause.)We're changing things around here a little bit.(Laughter.)

Actually, my advisors were a little worried about the new rap entrance music.(Laughter.)They are a little more traditional.They suggested that I should start with some jokes at my own expense, just take myself down a peg.I was like, guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left?(Laughter.)

I want to thank the White House Correspondents.Ed, you're doing an outstanding job.We are grateful for--(applause)--the great work you've done.To all the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the dais--I especially want to say thank you to Ray Odierno, who does outstanding service on behalf of our country, and all our men and women in uniform every single day.(Applause.)

And of course, our extraordinary First Lady, Michelle Obama.(Applause.)Everybody loves Michelle.(Laughter.)She's on the cover of Vogue, high poll numbers.But don't worry--I recently got my own magazine cover.(Laughter.)

Now, look, I get it.These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.(Laughter.)Time passes.You get a little gray.(Laughter.)

And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes.Like, I'm out in California, we're at a fundraiser, we're having a nice time.I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country.(Laughter.)As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home.(Laughter.)Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?(Laughter and applause.)

And then there's the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids.I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots--made two of them.(Laughter.)That's right: two hits, 20 misses.The executives at NBC asked, “What's your secret?”(Laughter and applause.)

So, yes, maybe I have lost a step.But some things are beyond my control.For example, this whole controversy about Jaz-Z going to Cuba--it's unbelievable.I've got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one.(Laughter and applause.)That's another rap reference, Bill.(Laughter.)I'll let you know.(Applause.)

Of course, everybody has got plenty of advice.Maureen Dowd said I could solve all my problems if I were just more like Michael Douglas in “The American President.”(Laughter.)And I know Michael is here tonight.Michael, what's your secret, man?(Laughter.)Could it be that you were an actor in an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy?(Laughter.)Might that have something to do with it?(Applause.)I don't know.Check in with me.Maybe it's something else.(Laughter.)

Anyway, I recognize that this job can take a toll on you.I understand--second term, you need a burst of new energy, try some new things.And my team and I talked about it.We were willing to try anything.So we borrowed one of Michelle's tricks.(Laughter and applause.)I thought this looked pretty good, but no bounce.(Laughter.)

I want to give a shout-out to our headliner, Conan O'Brien.(Applause.)I was just talking to Ed, and I understand that when the Correspondents' Association was considering Conan for this gig, they were faced with that age-old dilemma: Do you offer it to him now, or wait for five years and then give it to Jimmy Fallon?(Laughter.)That was a little harsh.(Laughter.)I love Conan.And of course, the White House press corps is here.I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate.(Laughter and applause.)

Some of my former advisors have switched over to the dark side.For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.(Laughter.)

The History Channel is not here.I guess they were embarrassed about the whole Obama-is-a-devil thing.(Laughter.)Of course, that never kept Fox News from showing up.(Laughter.)They actually thought the comparison was not fair--to Satan.(Laughter and applause.)

But the problem is, is that the media landscape is changing so rapidly.You can't keep up with it.I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m.(Laughter.)It's true.(Laughter.)Recently, though, I found a new favorite source for political news--these guys are great.I think everybody here should check it out, they tell it like it is.It's called whitehouse.gov.(Laughter.)I cannot get enough of it.The fact is I really do respect the press.I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do.My job is to be President;your job is to keep me humble.Frankly, I think I'm doing my job better.(Laughter and applause.)

But part of the problem is everybody is so cynical.I mean, we're constantly feeding cynicism, suspicion, conspiracies.You remember a few months ago, my administration put out a photograph of me going skeet shooting at Camp David? You remember that? And quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped.But tonight I have something to confess: You were right.Guys, can we show them the actual photo?(Laughter.)We were just trying to tone it down a little bit.(Laughter.)That was an awesome day.(Laughter.)

There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs.Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads? You've got to really dislike me--(laughter)--to spend that kind of money.I mean, that's Oprah money.(Laughter.)You could buy an island and call it “Nobama” for that kind of money.(Laughter.)Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race.(Laughter and applause.)I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I'd have thought about it.(Laughter.)Michelle would have taken it.(Laughter.)You think I'm joking?(Laughter.)

I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities.And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with.(Laughter.)Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know?(Laughter.)See how it goes.(Laughter.)

If they won't come to me, I will come to them.Recently, I had dinner--it's been well publicized--I had dinner with a number of the Republican senators.And I'll admit it wasn't easy.I proposed a toast--it died in committee.(Laughter.)

Of course, even after I've done all this, some folks still don't think I spend enough time with Congress.“Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” they ask.Really?(Laughter.)Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?(Laughter and applause.)I'm sorry.I get frustrated sometimes.I am not giving up.In fact, I'm taking my charm offensive on the road--a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.(Laughter and applause.)

My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what's going on in Congress--it turns out, absolutely nothing.(Laughter.)But the point of my charm offensive is simple: We need to make progress on some important issues.Take the sequester.Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can't stop talking about how much they hate it.It's like we're trapped in a Taylor Swift album.(Laughter.)

One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don't know about 2016.I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he's ready to be President.(Laughter and applause.)Kids these days.I, on the other hand, have run my last campaign.On Thursday, as Ed mentioned, I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas.It was a wonderful event, and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another edifice right next to the Bush Library--can we show that, please?(Laughter.)

I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library.And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States.(Laughter.)Did anybody not see that joke coming?(Laughter.)Show of hands.Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?(Laughter and applause.)

Now, speaking of presidents and their legacies, I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend, Steven Spielberg, and Daniel Day-Lewis, who are here tonight.(Applause.)We had a screening of their most recent film, Lincoln, which was an extraordinary film.I am a little nervous, though, about Steven's next project.I saw a behind-the-scenes look on HBO--well, let's just check it out.Roll the tape.(Video is shown.)(Laughter and applause.)

It's a remarkable transformation.Do I really sound like that, though, honey?(Laughter.)

Groucho Marx once said--and, Senator Cruz, that's Groucho Marx, not Karl.That's the other guy.(Laughter.)Groucho Marx once told an audience, “Before I speak, I have something important to say.”(Laughter.)And along those same lines, I want to close on a more serious note.Obviously, there has been no shortage of news to cover over these past few weeks.And these have been some very hard days for too many of our citizens.Even as we gather here tonight, our thoughts are not far from the people of Boston and the people of West, Texas.There are families in the Midwest who are coping with some terrible floods.So we've had some difficult days.But even when the days seemed darkest, we have seen humanity shine at its brightest.We've seen first responders and National Guardsmen who have dashed into danger, law enforcement officers who lived their oath to serve and to protect, and everyday Americans who are opening their homes and their hearts to perfect strangers.And we also saw journalists at their best--especially those who took the time to wade upstream through the torrent of digital rumors to chase down leads and verify facts and painstakingly put the pieces together to inform, and to educate, and to tell stories that demanded to be told.If anyone wonders, for example, whether newspapers are a thing of the past, all you needed to do was to pick up or log on to papers like the Boston Globe.(Applause.)When their communities and the wider world needed them most, they were there making sense of events that might at first blush seem beyond our comprehension.And that's what great journalism is, and that's what great journalists do.And that's why, for example, Pete Williams' new nickname around the NBC newsroom is “Big Papi.”(Applause.)

And in these past few weeks, as I've gotten a chance to meet many of the first responders and the police officers and volunteers who raced to help when hardship hits, I was reminded, as I'm always reminded when I meet our men and women in uniform, whether they're in war theater, or here back home, or at Walter Reed in Bethesda--I'm reminded that all these folks, they don't do it to be honored, they don't do it to be celebrated.They do it because they love their families and they love their neighborhoods and they love their country.And so, these men and women should inspire all of us in this room to live up to those same standards;to be worthy of their trust;to do our jobs with the same fidelity, and the same integrity, and the same sense of purpose, and the same love of country.Because if we're only focused on profits or ratings or polls, then we're contributing to the cynicism that so many people feel right now.(Applause.)

And so, those of us in this room tonight, we are incredibly lucky.And the fact is, we can do better--all of us.Those of us in public office, those of us in the press, those who produce entertainment for our kids, those with power, those with influence--all of us, including myself, we can strive to value those things that I suspect led most of us to do the work that we do in the first place--because we believed in something that was true, and we believed in service, and the idea that we can have a lasting, positive impact on the lives of the people around us.And that's our obligation.That's a task we should gladly embrace on behalf of all of those folks who are counting on us;on behalf of this country that's given us so much.So thank you all, to the White House Correspondents for the great work you do.God bless you all.May God bless the United States of America.END 10:36 P.M.EDT

第三篇：习近平幽默称“转达”米歇尔的问候 奥巴马被逗笑(图)

原标题：习近平在海牙会见奥巴马时强调美应在东海南海问题上分清是非

国家主席习近平24日在海牙会见美国总统奥巴马。习近平强调，今年是中美建交35周年。面对当前纷繁复杂的国际形势，中美正在合作、需要合作和能够合作的领域更加广阔。中方愿同美方一道，始终坚持构建新型大国关系正确方向，推动两国关系持续健康稳定向前发展。

习近平表示，去年以来，我们通过各种方式保持密切沟通，达成了一系列重要共识，推动中美关系取得了重要积极进展。你日前给我来信，表示始终致力于发展中美新型大国关系，我对此表示赞赏。双方应该坚持不冲突不对抗、相互尊重、合作共赢原则，以更加积极的姿态、更加有力的行动，加强双边、地区、全球各层面协调合作，有效管控分歧和敏感问题。

希望美为中国企业提供公平竞争环境

习近平表示，今年中美各自国内都有重要议程，双方将举行一系列重要交往。希望双方共同办好新一轮中美战略与经济对话、人文交流高层磋商、商贸联委会，力争取得更多积极成果。希望双方加快推进双边投资协定谈判。希望美方高度重视并认真对待中方关切，切实放宽民用高技术物项对华出口，并为中国企业赴美投资提供公平竞争环境。

双方加强打击跨国犯罪等执法合作

习近平表示，中美双方应继续加强两军各领域各层级对话交流，不断加深相互了解和信任，防止误解误判，开展更多联演联训和务实合作。我赞赏你明确谴责各种形式的恐怖主义。中方愿同包括美方在内的世界各国继续开展反恐合作。双方还要加强在打击跨国犯罪、追逃追赃等方面的执法合作。

习近平强调，在台湾、涉藏问题上，美方应该恪守尊重中国主权和领土完整、不支持旨在分裂中国活动的承诺。东海、南海问题上，美方应该采取客观公允态度，分清是非，多做有利于推动问题妥善解决和局势缓和的事。

习近平表示，中方高度重视应对气候变化挑战，为此采取了一系列重大举措。双方要落实好商定的应对气候变化合作项目，并在多边领域加强政策协调以及同其他国家的沟通和交流，积极推动找到各方都能接受的解决方案。

奥巴马谈昆明暴恐表示加强反恐合作

奥巴马表示，建交35年来，美中关系取得了长足进展，双方交往日益密切，两国利益紧密相关，美中关系已经成为当今最重要的双边关系之一。我愿继续同习近平主席就一系列重大问题保持沟通，共同推动美中新型大国关系建设。美国无意破坏中国的稳定，无意遏制中国，支持中国改革进程。对双方之间存在的分歧和摩擦，美方愿以建设性的方式处理。美方愿同中方一道，释放双方共同致力于发展美中关系的积极信息。

奥巴马重申，在台湾、涉藏问题上，美方尊重中国的主权和领土完整，这一立场没有变化。近来美中两军关系取得稳步进展，我赞成两军深化实质性对话和务实合作。美方愿加快双边投资协定谈判进程，为两国带来更多贸易、投资和就业机会。美方希望加强两国在应对气候变化领域的协调与合作，将其打造成美中积极合作新领域。

奥巴马再次对前不久发生在昆明的严重暴力恐怖事件表示谴责，表示美方反对一切形式的恐怖主义，无论它们发生在何处，都要予以强烈谴责。美方愿同中方继续加强合作。

双方谈到朝核问题和乌克兰问题

关于朝鲜半岛问题，习近平指出，解决朝核问题唯一正确途径就是谈起来、谈出成果。当务之急是尽快重启六方会谈，切实落实“9·19”共同声明确立的各项目标。中国在半岛有重大利益关切，坚定致力于实现半岛无核化，维护半岛和平稳定。中方愿继续同美方及其他有关各方保持密切沟通和协调。

奥巴马介绍了美方立场，表示美方赞赏中方劝和促谈的建设性努力，愿同中方保持沟通和协调。

习近平重申了中方对乌克兰问题的看法和立场，强调中方一直秉持公正、客观态度。推动政治解决乌克兰问题符合各方利益。中方已提出了自己的建议主张，包括尽快设立国际协调机制，各方均不采取恶化局势的行动。中方支持国际社会为缓和局势所作的建设性努力，对一切有助于局势缓和和推动政治解决的方案持开放态度。

奥巴马介绍了美方看法，表示美方赞同中方立场和原则，重视中方作用，愿同中方保持沟通与合作。

双方还就知识产权保护、人民币汇率、网络安全、伊朗核等问题交换了意见。文/新华社记者钱彤陈贽供图/新华 “习奥会”取得十项成果

新华社电（记者潘治李斌）外交部发言人秦刚认为，两国元首会晤深入坦诚，富有建设性，双方达成的共识可归纳为以下10方面：

一、双方积极评价中美建交35年来两国关系取得的历史性发展，愿继续致力于构建中美新型大国关系，推动两国关系持续健康稳定向前发展。

二、中美将于年中在华举行中美第六轮战略与经济对话和第五轮人文交流高层磋商。

三、双方同意加快双边投资协定谈判进程。双方支持彼此国内进行的改革议程。美方表示愿为中国企业赴美投资创造公平竞争环境。

四、双方同意继续加强两军对话与交往。双方同意尽早建立两军重大军事行动相互通报机制和制定公海海域海空军事安全行为准则。

五、双方将尽早启动中国公安部与美国国土安全部部级会晤机制，加强打击跨国犯罪、追逃追赃等方面的执法合作。

六、双方将继续加强在气候变化、清洁能源、环境保护等领域对话与合作。

七、双方愿本着相互尊重、平等相待的精神处理分歧和敏感问题。

八、双方认为两国在亚太地区拥有重要共同利益，共同维护地区和平、稳定与繁荣。

九、双方表示坚定致力于推进朝鲜半岛无核化、维护半岛和平稳定，通过对话协商和平解决问题。双方就推动早日重启六方会谈进行了深入沟通，同意共同为此创造积极条件。

十、核安全是两国在国际安全领域的合作亮点。双方同意稳步推进核安全示范中心建设、高浓铀研究堆低浓化改造等重点合作项目，并进一步深化在核安全领域的双边合作。双方将继续在包括核安全峰会在内的国际核安全进程中保持沟通与协调。

习近平幽默调侃全场大笑

当地时间24日，习近平在荷兰海牙会见了美国总统奥巴马。会议期间，习近平幽默地说：“我在与米歇尔临别时，她让我正式转达对总统先生的亲切问候。”在听到英文翻译后，包括奥巴马在内的全场人员都被逗笑了。

习近平表示：“在我来荷兰之前，我和我的夫人与你的夫人米歇尔、你的岳母罗宾逊女士、你的两个可爱的女儿玛利亚和莎莎都见了面，我们进行了愉快的谈话。我了解她们已经访问了北京、访问了西安，现在可能已经飞到成都去了。我相信这是亲善之旅、友好交流之旅，她们也会留下难忘的印象。在我与米歇尔临别时，她让我正式向总统先生转达她对你的亲切问候。”

整理/本报记者邹春霞