白宫记者年会 奥巴马上演精彩喜剧脱口秀（精选）

第一篇：白宫记者年会 奥巴马上演精彩喜剧脱口秀（精选）

白宫记者年会 奥巴马上演精彩喜剧脱口秀

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.Good evening, everybody.Good evening.I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight--at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.This is great crowd.They’re already laughing.It’s terrific.Chuck Todd--love you, brother.I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here.And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man.What’s so funny?

My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary.Last year at this time--in fact, on this very weekend--we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season.And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to reintroduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas.My father was born in Kenya.And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges.Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush.Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences;yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots.And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.Let’s give them a big round of applause.Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office.Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton.Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider.Four years later, I’m at this dinner.Four years ago, I looked like this.Today, I look like this.And four years from now, I will look like this.That’s not even funny.Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom--or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment.I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference.Unbelievable.Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C.--a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel----who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic--people who fall asleep during Nightline.Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.And plenty of journalists are here tonight.I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize.You deserve it, Arianna.There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day.Give them a round of applause.And you don’t pay them--it's a great business model.Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show--which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.A little soy sauce.Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.Newt, there's still time, man.But I'm not going to do that--I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates.Take Mitt Romney--he and I actually have a lot in common.We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.We also both have degrees from Harvard;I have one, he has two.What a snob.Of course, we've also had our differences.Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show.Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games--some of you have seen it.It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing.I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him.I have not seen The Hunger Games;not enough class warfare for me.Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits.Dogs, however, are apparently fair game.And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly, I think crossed the line.I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick?

That’s pretty rough--but I can take it, because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the----let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right.So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.In my first term, I sang Al Green;in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy.MRS.OBAMA: Yeah.THE PRESIDENT: Michelle said, yeah.I sing that to her sometimes.In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq;in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.In my first term, we repealed the policy known as “don't ask, don't tell”----wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men.In my first term, we passed health care reform;in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note--whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face.And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin----who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time.So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do.I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time--and I certainly like to return the favor--but I never forget that our country depends on you.You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners.In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.

第二篇：白宫记者年会 奥巴马上演精彩喜剧脱口秀

白宫记者年会 奥巴马上演精彩喜剧脱口秀

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.Good evening, everybody.Good evening.I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight--at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.This is great crowd.They’re already laughing.It’s terrific.Chuck Todd--love you, brother.I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here.And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man.What’s so funny?

My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary.Last year at this time--in fact, on this very weekend--we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season.And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to reintroduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas.My father was born in Kenya.And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges.Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush.Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences;yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots.And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.Let’s give them a big round of applause.Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office.Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton.Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider.Four years later, I’m at this dinner.Four years ago, I looked like this.Today, I look like this.And four years from now, I will look like this.That’s not even funny.Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom--or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment.I was just relieved to learn this was not

a GSA conference.Unbelievable.Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C.--a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel----who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic--people who fall asleep during Nightline.Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.And plenty of journalists are here tonight.I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize.You deserve it, Arianna.There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day.Give them a round of applause.And you don’t pay them--it's a great business model.Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show--which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.A little soy sauce.Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.Newt, there's still time, man.But I'm not going to do that--I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates.Take Mitt Romney--he and I actually have a lot in common.We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.We also both have degrees from Harvard;I have one, he has two.What a snob.Of course, we've also had our differences.Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show.Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games--some of you have seen it.It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing.I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him.I have not seen

The Hunger Games;not enough class warfare for me.Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits.Dogs, however, are apparently fair game.And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly, I think crossed the line.I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick?

That’s pretty rough--but I can take it, because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the----let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right.So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.In my first term, I sang Al Green;in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy.MRS.OBAMA: Yeah.THE PRESIDENT: Michelle said, yeah.I sing that to her sometimes.In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq;in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.In my first term, we repealed the policy known as “don't ask, don't tell”----wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men.In my first term, we passed health care reform;in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note--whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face.And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin----who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time.So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas,I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do.I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time--and I certainly like to return the favor--but I never forget that our country depends on you.You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners.In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.

第三篇：奥巴马2012白宫记者年会演讲

奥巴马2012白宫记者年会演讲：精彩吐槽脱口秀

2012年05月03日 09:53 来源：沪江英语网

字号:T|T

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大选年，奥巴马为了赢得选举自然不肯放过任何一个推销自己的机会。在这次的白宫记者协会招待晚宴的演说中，奥巴马犀利吐槽、大度自嘲，用幽默给自己加分不少。

Host：Could someone back there please turn off the President's mic? I think the President's mic is hot, please turn it off.Thank you.Thank you.后台哪位帮忙把总统的麦克风关一下？我觉得总统的麦克风没有关，请帮忙关一下，谢谢，谢谢。

（首尔核峰会上奥巴马与梅德韦杰夫的私聊由于没关麦克风被曝光，之前的G20戛纳峰会中同样因为没关麦克风而曝光了他与萨科齐的私聊，两次事件都在国内掀起轩然大波。）

Obama：Great.I gotta get warmed up.I...I'm so in love...God!I totally had that.Seriously guys, what am I doing here? 太棒了，我来个热身。我„„我太爱你„„（一月份演讲时他唱过Al Green这首歌）天哪！我真是擅长唱歌！说正经的各位，我来这是干什么的？

I'm the President of the United States, and I'm openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclear codes, why am I telling “knock knock” jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway? 我可是美国总统啊，我竟然为吉米·凯莫（ABC电视台深夜脱口秀主持人）热场？我是手握核武器的统领（美国总统有一只广为流传的“核按钮手提箱”，里面存放着启动美国核武器的密码），干嘛要来这给卡戴珊讲“敲门”笑话？她到底为啥出名呢？

（卡戴珊最著名的标签是“帕丽斯·希尔顿的好友”，她是罗伯特·卡戴珊的女儿，奥多姆的大姨子。卡戴珊因性爱视频而出名。）

That's it.Next year we send Biden.Now you're right.It's way too risky.我受够了。明年让拜登替我来好了。你说得对，这么干太危险。（拜登可是口误帝）

Wow, look at my hair.It really went gray.Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the “Just For Men” scale.I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.哇，看我的头发。一片灰白啊！你说我要是染黑一点会有人发现不？按照“Just For Men”（著名染发产品）的标准，我如今只剩5分黑了。我觉得我要是染成6分黑也应该不会有人注意吧。

Is the teleprompterworking? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what I'm saying tonight.提词器准备好没？（自嘲演讲全靠提词器）开什么玩笑？那我一会上场怎么说话啊？我根本不知道今晚要说点什么。

Man!I could really use a cigarette right now.唉，现在真想抽根烟！（自嘲以前是烟鬼）

Okay, okay, I'm going.God forbid we keep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.好了好了，这就上场。谁敢让查克·陶德（美国国家广播公司政治中心主管）和Glee剧组久等啊！

Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.女士们先生们，掌声有请美国总统！

Obama：Thank you!Good evening everybody.Good evening!I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight at the White House Correspondents'Dinner.That is great crowd.They're already laughing.It's terrific.谢谢！晚上好各位，晚上好！今天我怀着无比激动的心情来出席白宫记者晚宴。这观众太好了，还没开始就笑成这样，太好了！

Chuck Todd--love you, brother.I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here.And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man.What’s so funny? 查克·陶德，哥们我爱你哦！我很高兴见到Glee剧组也到场了。还有吉米·凯莫，真是荣幸啊!有啥好笑的？ My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary.Last year at this time--in fact, on this very weekend--we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notoriousindividuals.亲爱的美国同胞们，我们欢聚在这具有历史意义的周年纪念日。去年的这个时候，实际上正是在同一个周末，我们终于将世界上最臭名昭著的恶人正法。（“大恶人”Trump中枪，去年晚宴被猛烈吐槽）

Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season.And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas.My father was born in Kenya.And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.今年，在白热化的大选季我们再次聚首，Axelrod（奥巴马的顾问）说我不应该错过任何重新向美国人民介绍自己的机会。所以今晚我打算就这样开场：我名叫贝拉克·奥巴马，我母亲出生在堪萨斯，我父亲出生在肯尼亚，而我出生在：当然是夏威夷。（自嘲出生证明事件）

In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormouschallenges.Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush.Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences;yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots.And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.Let’s give them a big round of applause.2009年我就任总统时面临众多艰巨挑战。现在许多人说我把太多问题归咎于前任身上，但大家别忘了，这样的做法是小布什首创的。（这句本身就是推给 前任）从那时起，国会跟我就矛盾不断，但我尽量保持风度，从不阴损吐槽。所以我今天要特别感谢那些从无所事事的百忙之中抽空到场的国会议员。（这就是 cheap shot阴损吐槽啊）大家把热烈的掌声献给他们吧。

Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office.Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton.Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.尽管险阻重重，但自我上任以来，许多事都有所改变，四年前，我跟希拉里在初选中斗得你死我活；四年后，她一喝多就从Cartagena给我发短信（希拉里最近走红的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓门的发生地）。

Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider.Four years later, I’m at this dinner.Four years ago, I looked like this.Today, I look like this.And four years from now, I will look like this.That’s not even funny.四年前，我是首都政界圈外人；四年后，我出现在白宫晚宴上。四年前，我长这样；四年后，我长这样；再过四年，我就会长成这样了（摩根·弗里曼）。一点也不好笑。

Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom--or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment.I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference.Unbelievable.Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.总之，我很高兴今晚来到这宏伟辉煌的希尔顿舞厅，或者用罗姆尼的话来说叫“日久失修的小破屋”（暗指罗姆尼是富二代）。我想说，瞧这派对，有穿着燕 尾服的绅士，穿晚礼服的淑女，醉人美酒和一流演出——听说这不是GSA大会我才放心（联邦政府总务署公款吃喝事件）。难以置信啊！连读心术都看不到他们脑 子里的想法（指脑袋空空）。

Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the promof Washington D.C.--a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.当然了，白宫记者晚宴又被成为“首都毕业舞会”。发明这个词的记者显然从没真正参加过真正的毕业舞会。

Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel--who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic--people who fall asleep during Nightline.Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.我们今晚的“监护人”是吉米·凯莫（指毕业舞会的成年监护人），他是这个职位的不二人选，因为今晚观众都是他的目标人群:那些看 Nightline（凯莫节目之前播出的晚新闻）睡着没关电视的人。吉米多年前在“男人秀”出道。在华盛顿，“男人秀”是关于女性避孕药品的国会听证（听 证会全是男人出席）。And plenty of journalists are here tonight.I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize.You deserve it, Arianna.There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day.Give them a round of applause.And you don’t pay them--it's a great business model.今晚众多媒体人到场，我必须要恭喜“赫芬顿邮报”获得普利策奖。Arianna（该报女掌门），你们当之无愧！没人能像你们一样每天“链接”到这么多的犀利新闻（指赫芬顿邮报的新闻都是盗用别家链接）。请把掌声献给他们。你们还不付原作者钱，这是伟大的经营模式啊！

Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show--which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.A little soy sauce.连佩林都重返舞台了，在“今日秀”做嘉宾主持。这使我想起一句老话：“冰球老妈和牛头犬有什么不同”（这句的内涵是说二者一样）。牛头犬的味道好极了。（自嘲6岁吃狗肉事件）再加点酱油。Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.Newt, there's still time, man.But I'm not going to do that--I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates.Take Mitt Romney--he and I actually have a lot in common.We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.We also both have degrees from Harvard;I have one, he has two.What a snob.现在，说道这里我知道很多人都在期待我出言攻击未来的对手，金里奇。纽特你还来得及啊！但我不会那么做。我不会攻击任何共和党候选人。比如鲁姆你，我们两个其实有很多共同点，我们都认为自己的老婆比自己更优秀。而且民意调查显示，令人震惊而难堪的是，很大一部分美国人也这样认为（他俩都没老婆受欢 迎）。我们都有哈佛的学位，我有一个，他有两个。真是势利小人。

Of course, we've also had our differences.Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show.Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games--some of you have seen it.It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing.I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him.I have not seen The Hunger Games;not enough class warfare for me.当然我俩也有不同之处，近年来他的竞选团队批评我和吉米·法伦表演的“最慢新闻风”。实际上，我知道罗姆尼州长气疯了，一直问手下能否上“Merv Griffin秀”（1986年就停播的电视节目）也来这么一长段。而且我举得罗姆尼最近的心情还是不错的，因为前几天他抽时间去看了“饥饿游戏”，有些 人看过了，电影讲述的是一群人围了取悦赞助人残忍搏杀，直到剩下最后一位幸存者的故事。他看了这片子绝对可以转换心情啊。我还没看过“饥饿游戏”，对我来 说片中的“阶级斗争”还不够（共和党将税务问题称为“阶级斗争”）。Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nastyelection, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits.Dogs, however, are apparently fair game.And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly,I think crossed the line.I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick?(Video is played.)当然我知道大家都认为本届选战将会不择手段，幸好，我们都同意不可殃及家人。但是对于狗，显然就是公平竞争了。双方阵营都拿这事玩得很开心。某天我 看到这段外围组织制作的视频，说实话，我觉得过分了。我知道罗姆尼自称跟他的“超级PAC”绝无串通，我们来看一下这段宣传广告吧。（播放视频）That’s pretty rough，but I can take it,because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.这一段太凶残了，但我还能忍受得住。因为我的继父经常教导我，这是个“童咬狗”的世界（被罗姆尼阵营曝光的6岁吃狗肉事件）。

Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the--let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right.So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.现在，如果我真的赢得连任，我想告诉所有热爱阴谋论的右派朋友，你们认为我企图进行某些秘密计划，你们说得一点没错。所以结尾部分我要预告一下在我的第二任期内将出现的秘密计划。

In my first term, I sang Al Green;in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy.Michelle said, yeah.I sing that to her sometimes.In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq;in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.In my first term, we repealed the policy known as “don't ask, don't tell”--wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men.In my first term, we passed health care reform;in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.在我的第一任期我唱了Al Green的歌，在我的第二任期，我要唱Young Jeezy。米歇尔说：“好啊。”我有时候会给她唱。在我的第一任期我们结束了伊拉克战争，在第二任期，我们会打赢“圣诞之战”（共和党上纲上线捏造的战 争）。在我的第一任期，我们推翻了“不问不说”政策（军队的歧视同性恋政策），先别急，在我的第二任期，我们会将此政策替换成“漫天男人”（经典的同性恋 歌曲）。在我第一任期，我们通过了医保改革；在我的第二任期，我想我得再通过一次（共和党企图推翻医保改革）。

I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note--whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face.And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.其实我想用正经点的内容做今晚的结语，无论明年一月谁宣誓就职都会面临严峻的考验，但他也会继承使我们能战胜考验的传统精神。今晚各位所代表的就是这样的传统精神。媒体自由让我们不怕质疑，敢于调查，直言批判。而为了这样的目标，你们所有人都做出了牺牲。Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin--who made the ultimatesacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time.So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do.I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time--and I certainly like to return the favor--but I never forget that our country depends on you.You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.今晚，让我们来纪念像Anthony Shadid和Marie Colvin这样的勇敢记者（都是在国外报道时去世），他们为了将当代最重大的新闻公诸于世做出了崇高的牺牲。所以无论你是博客作者还是广播主持，无论你 是在国内尽力报道还是在海外身处险境，我都对你们的事业表示最高的尊敬和赞赏。我知道有时候你们让我不好过，我也非常想让你们不好过。但我从未忘记我们的 国家要仰仗你们。你帮助捍卫我们的自由、我们的民主和我们的生活方式。

And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners.In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.最后说正经的，我确实喜欢参加这样的晚宴。事实上我还准备了很多段子，但我得让特勤工们早点回家跟妻子报到。

Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.非常感谢各位，谢谢！

第四篇：2015白宫记者协会晚宴奥巴马演讲全文

任期将尽的奥巴马在今年White House Correspondents Dinner(白宫记者协会晚宴)上火力全开，不仅吐槽了老冤家共和党各路人马，连民主党的希拉里和O’Malley等战友他也没放过。CNN, Fox News和MSNBC更是被黑的体无完肤。

Good evening everybody.Welcome to the white house correspondents' dinner.The night when Washington.Celebrates itself.Somebody's got to doit.And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency.It's true iron.Those were sheltering.Factors that film moreloose and relaxed whenever.Those.Joseph Biden shoulder massages theirlike magic.Well you have.I am determined to makethe most.Every moment.Have left.After the midterm electionsmy advisor let me Mr.President you have a bucketlist.And I served well.Something the lions would bucketlist.Take executive action on immigration.Bucket.This woman look.My new.But in my Cuba policy.The Castro Brothersare here tonight.The fulfill.What.If for capsules fromTexas.All.Iowa scream.Hi Leon.Anyway.Big Brother isnever easy and I still have to fix a brokenimmigration system.Issue veto threats to negotiate with the Ron.All while finding time to pray five times a day.Wonder that people keep pointing out how the president CNamazement.Alex old John Maynard Carter invited Netanyahu speaking myfuneral.Meanwhile Michelle has amazed today.Have to order figuredshe just says.Fresh fruits and vegetables.It's aggravated.Factis though at this point my legacy is finally beginningdetection.Their economy is getting better.Mind that in tenAmericans now have health coverage.It's.Good.No longer haveto worry about losing your insurance if you lose yourjob.You're welcome senate Democrats.Not look it is trueI have not managed to make everybody happy.Six yearsand in my presidency some people still say I'm arrogant.And aloof.Condescending.Some people are so don't.They wouldn't.And that's not all people say about.A few weeksago Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst presidentof his lifetime.What is interesting because I think DickCheney is the worst president in my lifetime.What appointments.America got some of them say these days.Mike Huckabeerecently said people should enjoy our military until a trueconservative is elected president.Think about that.It was sooutrageous 47 Ayatollah wrote us a letter.Trying to explainto Huckabee how our system works.They get worse.Doesthis week Michelle Bachmann.Ash.Actually predicted.That I wouldbring about the biblical and debates.How about the legacy.I'm in Lincoln Washington and let them do that.Okay.But you know I just have to put this stuffoutside I'm gonna stay focused on my job.Because formany Americans this is still time of deep uncertainty.Forexample I have I have one friend just a fewweeks ago.She was making millions of dollars a yearand she's now living out of abandoned Iowa.Meanwhile.Backhere our nation's capital we're always dealing with a newchallenge us and I'm happy to report that.The SecretService thanks to some excellent reporting by a White Housecorrespondents.They're relieved.Focusing on.Some of the issues thatcome up and they finally figured out a full proofway to keep people off my lawn.That works.Asnot just fence jumpers.Some you know a few monthsago drone crash landed.Back that was pretty serious butdon't worry.We've installed a new state of the artsecurity system.You know what.Let me set the recordstraight if I tease Joseph sometimes but he has beenat my side.For seven years I loved that man.Not good to great vice president he has a greatfriend.We got so close in some places and Indianathey want service pizza anymore.I want to thank ourhosts for the men Chicago girl an incredibly talented it.Syphilis around.Bond the Saturday Night Live Sicily impersonate CNN64.anchor Brooke Baldwin.Which is surprising because usually the onlypeople impersonate journalists on CNN.Are journalists on CNN.ABCis there was some of the stars from their bignew comedy black fish.I.As a great show whetherto give ABC fair warning.Being black issue only makesyou popular for so long trust.There's a shelf lifecommitment.As all us.The reporters here have a lotto cover over the last year here on the EastCoast.One big story with the brutal winner.The polarvortex because so many record lows they renamed it.MSNBC.But of course.Let's face it there is one issueon every reporters' minds matters points sixteen.Already we've seensome missteps.Turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanicback in 2009.Which annoyed look I understand there's anit was a mistake.Reminds me of when I identifiedmyself as American Bakken.1961.Ted Cruz says they're denyingthe existence of climate change.Maybe there.Mayhem like Galileo.That's not really an apt.Compare us.Galileo believed theearth revolves around the sun.Ted Cruz believes the earthrevolves around Ted Cruz.I and handel's messiah don't wantone out when a guy.Who have this based ona hope poster called you self centered.You know you'vegot a problem.Most of the men veterans.Creeping upall through high.Meanwhile Rick Santorum announced that he wouldnot attend the same sex wedding of a friendor a loved one.Towards gays and lesbians across thecountry responded that's not going to be a problem.Don'tlet them.And Donald Trump is it.Still.Anyway.It'samazing how time flies.Soon the first presidential contest willtake place.And I for one cannot wait to seewhom the Coen Brothers crack.But the plan.Marco Rubioand Rand Paul that crews Jeb Bush Scott Walker.Whowill finally get that red ropes.The winner gets abillion dollar war chest.Runner up gets to be.Thebachelor on the next season of the bachelor.Mention thislike a billion dollars.From death to guy.It's justme or does that feel a little excessive.Ms.Almostinsulting to the candidates.Both that could cope Brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folksto like one of these people.Gotta hurt their feelingswell it.And look I'm drivers lot of money tobut.The offense my middle name is Hussein.The trailhasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either.As weall know Hillary's brother emails that are in trouble.Franklinup I was going to be your private instead Grahamaccount that was gonna cause a bigger problems.Hillary thingsoff by going completely unrecognized.And it's a poll what.Not to be outdone.Martin O'Malley kicked things off bygoing completely unrecognized that it Martin O'Malley campaign.And BernieSanders might run.I'm Mike Vernon birds bears and apparentlysome folks really wanna see a pot smoking socialist inthe White House.We could get a third Obama terminalpro.And where is always on a close up moreserious note.I often joke about tensions between me inthe press but.Honestly what they say doesn't bother meI understand we've gotten adversarial system.I'm mellow sort ofgod.And that's why I invited.Looper my anger translator.The American.Paul dollar to yen nearly Y book.Inour fast changing world traditions like the white house correspondents'dinner are important.Us.Because despite our differences we counton the press to shed light on the most importantissues of the day.They're not on behalf all whileHaiti with.I.We want only.There is much littleball while he bona but the whole way we don'tstep.Yeah.Probably what did you notice.And now.ButI felt physically.Appreciate the work that you do.All in the bottom of Mexico.It's strictly know whenthat woman.That night being.While what was it whatit looked at all to them.Protecting our democracy.Ismore important than ever.For example Supreme Court ruled thatthe donor who gave Ted Cruz six million dollars wasjust exercising free speech yet.That's the kind of speechlike this I just waste is six million dollars.TheRepublicans.Hillary will have to raise huge sums of moneyto Lowell he.So don't get that money.Sealed andArnold about it.Tell me it's tough and so wasmorale.And nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problemsfor our democracy and.Yeah.Whitman.We do need tostay focused on the big challenges like climate thing.I'vegot opponents.Did and Iraq.Yeah that's what happened thatwill be up and Ned.Bradley Cooper.It does hewants the appointment but not.The player nine.Out ofthe ten hottest years ever came in last Beckett.Doesand an audit candidate.Rising seas.More violent storms gottenus.Don't sweat it people on the trains bank inand out.Business is now that's it.I meant whatlittle what.Look at what's happening right now.Every seriousscientist says we need.The Pentagon says it's the nationalsecurity risk.Miami was gonna funny event.Instead doing everythingabout it we got elected official points not club inthe sun it's.Got a bright and has quietly.Whatabout our kids what kind of stupid short sighted airliftbond above all.I.Good.Out all the respect her.You'll need an Internet that.Unit got us.I'm alot of him.Trying to get an audit.I havefriends whether.Now that I got that off my chest.You know investigative journalism.Explanatory.Journalism.Journalism that exposed corruption.And injustice.And gives voice to the different and themarginalized.The voiceless.That's power.It's a privilege.It's asimportant to America's trajectory.To our values or ideals thananything we could do in elected office.We remember journalistwe lost over the past year.Journalists like Steve and166.saw Lofton James Foley.Murder for nothing more than trying167.to shine light into some of the world's darkest corners.The journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world including.Our ownJason.Raising.Jason has been imprisoned and Tehran heard nothingmore than write about the hopes and fears of Iranand people.During their stories to the readers of theWashington Post in an effort to bridge our common humanity.As was already mentioned Jason's brother Ali is here tonightand I have told him personally we will not restuntil we bring him home.Whose family sick so.He'sjournalists and so many others do their work is morethan just profession.But as a public good.An indispensablepillar of our society.Are giving the toast of raiseyour glass to them and all of you.The wordsof the American foreign correspondent north of Toms.It isnow the fact of liberty.But the way in whichliberty is exercise that ultimately determines.Whether liberty itself survives.Thank you through devotion exercising our liberty and the tellingour American story god bless you.God bless the UnitedStates of America.

第五篇：奥巴马2014白宫记者协会晚宴演讲稿中英文全文

奥巴马2014白宫记者协会晚宴演讲稿中英文全

文 2014年5月3日，美国总统奥巴马在华盛顿希尔顿酒店出席一年一度的白宫记者协会晚宴（White House Correspondents Dinner, WHCD），这是奥巴马第六次出席白宫记者协会晚宴。Remarks by the President at White House Correspondents' Dinner 10:21 P.M.EDT THE PRESIDENT: Thank you so much, everybody.Have a seat, have a seat.Before I get started, can we get the new presidential setup out here?(Aides bring out two ferns.)It was worked before.(Laughter and applause.)That’s more like it.It is great to be back.What a year, huh? I usually start these dinners with a few self-deprecating jokes.After my stellar 2013, what could I possibly talk about?(Laughter.)I admit it--last year was rough.Sheesh.(Laughter.)At one point things got so bad, the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize.(Laughter.)Of course, we rolled out healthcare.gov.That could have gone better.(Laughter.)In 2008 my slogan was, “Yes We Can.” In 2013 my slogan was, “Control-Alt-Delete.”(Laughter.)On the plus side, they did turn the launch of healthcare.gov into one of the year’s biggest movies.(Laughter.)But rather than dwell on the past, I would like to pivot to this dinner.Let’s welcome our headliner this evening, Joel McHale.(Applause.)On “Community,” Joel plays a preening, self-obsessed narcissist.So this dinner must be a real change of pace for you.(Laughter.)I want to thank the White House Correspondents Association for hosting us here tonight.I am happy to be here, even though I am a little jet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia.The lengths we have to go to get CNN coverage these days.(Laughter and applause.)I think they’re still searching for their table.(Laughter and applause.)MSNBC is here.They’re a little overwhelmed.(Laughter.)They’ve never seen an audience this big before.(Laughter.)But, look, everybody is trying to keep up with this incredibly fast-changing media landscape.For example, I got a lot of grief on cable news for promoting Obamacare to young people on Between Two Ferns.But that’s what young people like to watch.And to be fair, I am not the first person on television between two potted plants.(Laughter and applause.)Sometimes I do feel disrespected by you reporters.But that’s okay.Seattle Seahawk cornerback Richard Sherman is here tonight.(Applause.)And he gave me some great tips on how to handle it.Jake Tapper, don’t you ever talk about me like that!(Laughter.)I’m the best President in the game!(Laughter.)What do you think, Richard? Was that good? A little more feeling next time? While we’re talking sports, just last month, a wonderful story--an American won the Boston Marathon for first time in 30 years.(Applause.)Which was inspiring and only fair, since a Kenyan has been president for the last six.(Laughter and applause.)Had to even things out.(Laughter.)We have some other athletes here tonight, including Olympic snowboarding gold medalist Jamie Anderson is here.We’re proud of her.(Applause.)Incredibly talented young lady.Michelle and I watched the Olympics--we cannot believe what these folks do--death-defying feats--haven’t seen somebody pull a “180” that fast since Rand Paul disinvited that Nevada rancher from this dinner.(Laughter.)As a general rule, things don’t like end well if the sentence starts, “Let me tell you something I know about the negro.”(Laughter.)You don’t really need to hear the rest of it.(Laughter and applause.)Just a tip for you--don’t start your sentence that way.(Laughter.)Speaking of Rand Paul--(laughter)--Colorado legalized marijuana this year, an interesting social experiment.I do hope it doesn’t lead to a whole lot of paranoid people who think that the federal government is out to get them and listening to their phone calls.(Laughter.)That would be a problem.(Laughter.)And speaking of conservative heroes, the Koch brothers bought a table here tonight.But as usual, they used a shadowy right-wing organization as a front.Hello, Fox News.(Laughter and applause.)I’m just kidding.Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone.(Laughter.)It will be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.(Laughter and applause.)A lot of us really are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics.I remember when a Super PAC was just me buying Marlboro 100s instead of regulars.(Laughter.)Of course, now that it’s 2014, Washington is obsessed on the midterms.Folks are saying that with my sagging poll numbers, my fellow Democrats don’t really want me campaigning with them.And I don’t think that’s true--although I did notice the other day that Sasha needed a speaker at career day, and she invited Bill Clinton.(Laughter.)I was a little hurt by that.(Laughter.)Both sides are doing whatever it takes to win the ruthless game.Republicans--this is a true story--Republicans actually brought in a group of consultants to teach their candidates how to speak to women.This is true.And I don’t know if it will work with women, but I understand that America’s teenage boys are signing up to run for the Senate in droves.(Laughter.)Anyway, while you guys focus on the horserace, I’m going to do what I do--I’m going to be focused on everyday Americans.Just yesterday, I read a heartbreaking letter--you know I get letters from folks from around the country;every day I get 10 that I read--this one got to me.A Virginia man who’s been stuck in the same part-time job for years;no respect from his boss;no chance to get ahead.I really wish Eric Cantor would stop writing me.(Laughter.)You can just pick up the phone, Eric.(Laughter.)And I’m feeling sorry--believe it or not--for the Speaker of the House, as well.These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me, which means orange really is the new black.(Laughter and applause.)But I have not given up the idea of working with Congress.In fact, two weeks ago, Senator Ted Cruz and I, we got a bill done together.And I have to say, the signing ceremony was something special.We’ve got a picture of it I think.(Laughter.)Look, I know, Washington seems more dysfunctional than ever.Gridlock has gotten so bad in this town you have to wonder: What did we do to piss off Chris Christie so bad?(Laughter and applause.)One issue, for example, we haven’t been able to agree on is unemployment insurance.Republicans continue to refuse to extend it.And you know what, I am beginning to think they’ve got a point.If you want to get paid while not working, you should have to run for Congress just like everybody else.(Laughter and applause.)Of course, there is one thing that keeps Republicans busy.They have tried more than 50 times to repeal Obamacare.Despite that, 8 million people signed up for health care in the first open enrollment.(Applause.)Which does lead one to ask, how well does Obamacare have to work before you don’t want to repeal it? What if everybody’s cholesterol drops to 120?(Laughter.)What if your yearly checkup came with tickets to a Clippers game?(Laughter.)Not the old, Donald Sterling Clippers--the new Oprah Clippers.Would that be good enough?(Laughter.)What if they gave Mitch McConnell a pulse?(Laughter.)What is it going to take?(Laughter.)Anyway, this year, I’ve promised to use more executive actions to get things done without Congress.My critics call this the “imperial presidency.” The truth is, I just show up every day in my office and do my job.I’ve got a picture of this I think.(Laughter and applause.)You would think they’d appreciate a more assertive approach, considering that the new conservative darling is none other than Vladimir Putin.(Laughter.)Last year, Pat Buchanan said Putin is “headed straight for the Nobel Peace Prize.” He said this.Now I know it sounds crazy but to be fair, they give those to just about anybody these days.(Laughter.)So it could happen.But it’s not just Pat--Rudy Giuliani said Putin is “what you call a leader.” Mike Huckabee and Sean Hannity keep talking about his bare chest, which is kind of weird.(Laughter.)Look it up--they talk about it a lot.(Laughter.)It is strange to think that I have just two and a half years left in this office.Everywhere I look, there are reminders that I only hold this job temporarily.(Laughter.)But it’s a long time between now and 2016, and anything can happen.You may have heard the other day, Hillary had to dodge a flying shoe at a press conference.(Laughter and applause.)I love that picture.(Laughter.)Regardless of what happens, I’ve run my last campaign and I’m beginning to think about my legacy.Some of you know--Mayor Rahm Emanuel recently announced he is naming a high school in Chicago after me, which is extremely humbling.I was even more flattered to hear Rick Perry, who is here tonigh, is doing the same thing in Texas.Take a look.(Laughter.)Thank you, Rick.It means a lot to me.(Laughter and applause.)And I intend to enjoy all the free time that I will have.George W.Bush took up painting after he left office, which inspired me to take up my own artistic side.(Laughter.)I’m sure we’ve got a shot of this.(Laughter.)Maybe not.The joke doesn’t work without the slide.(Laughter.)Oh well.Assume that it was funny.(Laughter.)Does this happen to you, Joel? It does? Okay.On a more serious note, tonight reminds us that we really are lucky to live in a country where reporters get to give a head of state a hard time on a daily basis--and then, once a year, give him or her the chance, at least, to try to return the favor.But we also know that not every journalist, or photographer, or crewmember is so fortunate, because even as we celebrate the free press tonight, our thoughts are with those in places around the globe like Ukraine, and Afghanistan, and Syria, and Egypt, who risk everything--in some cases, even give their lives--to report the news.And what tonight also reminds us is that the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance to ask a question.As Steve mentioned, decades ago, an African American who wanted to cover his or her President might be barred from journalism school, burdened by Jim Crow, and, once in Washington, banned from press conferences.But after years of effort, black editors and publishers began meeting with FDR’s press secretary, Steve Early.And then they met with the President himself, who declared that a black reporter would get a credential.And even when Harry McAlpin made history as the first African American to attend a presidential news conference, he wasn’t always welcomed by the other reporters.But he was welcomed by the President, who told him, I’m glad to see you, McAlpin, and I’mvery happy to have you here.Now, that sentiment might have worn off once Harry asked him a question or two--(laughter)--and Harry’s battles continued.But he made history.And we’re s proud of Sherman and his family for being here tonight, and the White House Correspondents Association for creating a scholarship in Harry’s name.(Applause.)For over 100 years, even as the White House Correspondents Association has told the story of America’s progress, you’ve lived it, too--gradually allowing equal access to women, and minorities, and gays, and Americans with disabilities.And, yes, radio, and television, and Internet reporters, aswell.And through it all, you’ve helped make sure that even as societies change, our fundamental commitment to the interaction between those who govern and those who ask questions doesn’t change.And as Jay will attest, it’s a legacy you carry on enthusiastically every single day.And because this is the 100th anniversary of the Correspondents’ Association, I actually recorded an additional brief video thanking all of you for your hard work.Can we run the video?(Video fails to play.)THE PRESIDENT: What’s going on?(Laughter.)I was told this would work.Does anybody know how to fix this?(Laughter.)(Secretary Sebelius enters from backstage.)THE PRESIDENT: Oh, thank you.(Laughter and applause.)You got it? SECRETARY SEBELIUS: I got this--I see it all the time.There, that should work.(Video plays.)THE PRESIDENT: Thank you very much, everybody.God bless you.And God bless America, and thank you, Kathleen Sebelius.(Applause.)

我要感谢白宫记者协会举办今晚的活动。来到这里我很高兴。虽说我还没从马来西亚之旅中倒过时差。如今不这么干，CNN都不报道你啊【谷大白话注：吐槽CNN对马航的长期连续报道】 我觉得他们还在“搜寻”自己的座位呢？MSNBC也来了，他们有点太激动了，他们从来没见过这么多的观众。不过你看大家都在试图跟上媒体飞速变革的脚步。比如说，做客“蕨间访谈”向年轻人宣传奥氏医保的事被有线新闻台指责。但这是年轻人喜欢看的节目。公平来讲，我不是首位在电视上坐在两株盆栽植物之间的人。

有时候我确实觉得你们记者不大尊重我，不过没关系。西雅图海鹰四分卫Richard Sherman今晚也到场了。他给了我对付媒体的妙计：

Jake Tapper不许你这样说我！【谷大白话注：Tapper是CNN记者】我是天下最棒的总统！！【谷大白话注：这两句都是Sherman的经典怒吼】 Richard你觉得如何？够霸气不？下回感情再激烈点。

说到体育，就在上个月，很赞的故事。30年来，美国人首次在波士顿马拉松中夺冠。多么励志啊。肯尼亚人都做了六年总统，这样才公平嘛，我们就扯平了。【谷大白话注：自嘲出生地问题，善于长跑的肯尼亚人当了美国总统，那美国人就该拿个长跑冠军】

今晚在场的还有其他体育运动员，包括冬奥会滑雪板金牌得主杰米•安德森。我们为她骄傲，极有天赋的年轻女士，我跟米歇尔看奥运比赛时，我们简直不敢相信他们的动作。挑战生死极限的壮举啊。很久没见过谁能如此迅速地180度转身了。上次是Rand Paul拒绝那位内华达农场主出席今天的晚宴。【谷大白话注：武装对抗政府的农场主Bundy在发表种族言论后，Rand Paul等右派跟他翻脸划清界限】

一般来说，你一句话的开头要是这样说肯定会出事的：“我跟你们讲讲我对黑鬼的了解”【谷大白话注：农场主Bundy的名言】后面的话就不用听了。给大家的温馨提示哦，说话是千万别这样开头。说到Rand Paul，今年科罗拉多州将大麻合法化，有趣的社会实验，我希望这不会让很多人出现妄想，认为联邦政府要迫害他们，窃听他们的电话什么的那就麻烦了。【谷大白话注：自嘲NSA窃听门事件】

说到保守派的英雄，Koch兄弟今晚买了张台子【谷大白话注：Koch兄弟是共和党金主，石油大亨】但跟以往一样，他们用神秘的右翼组织来打掩护，福克斯新闻，你们好啊，我是开玩笑啦。【谷大白话注：吐槽福克斯新闻是右翼喉舌】承认吧福克斯新闻，我卸任后你们会想念我的，要让国人相信希拉里出生在肯尼亚可要困难的多啊【谷大白话注：出生地的梗，并暗示希拉里能拿下2016】。

2014奥巴马演讲中文全文

很多人在担忧巨额献金对政治的影响，我记得在过去“Super PAC”只是我买的万宝路100s装而不是普通装而已。【谷大白话注：超级政治行动委员会可无限捐款，pac谐音pack】 当然了，现在是2014年，华府政客满脑子都是中期选举。人们说，我的支持率如此萎靡，民主党同仁都不愿意让我为他们助选。我觉得不是这样，但我确实注意到，有天我女儿的学校“职业日”需要演讲者，结果她邀请了比尔•克林顿，这事让我有点受伤啊。

两党都竭尽全力要在这场无情的比拼中获胜，共和党——这是真事啊——共和党找来一群顾问来教导候选人，如何对女性说话，这是真事。我不知道这样对女性是否奏效，不过我发现全国的少男们都成群结队来申请竞选参议员了。【谷大白话注：调侃少男不会泡妞】

总之，在你们全心全意忙着对战时，我要去做我该做的事，我会专注于普通美国人的生活。昨天我看到一封令人心碎的信。每天我都会收到全国各地人民的来信，我会阅读10封。这一封是说弗吉尼亚男子一份兼职工作干了好多年，老板不尊重他，前途没有希望，我真希望Eric Cantor以后别再给我写信了，Eric 你直接打电话就好了啊。【谷大白话注：Eric Cantor共和党大佬，奥巴马在这里吐槽他被共和党人士抨击】

而且我也……信不信由你，为议长而感到遗憾，如今，众议院的共和党人对博纳比对我还凶残，这说明“橘色”如今真的算是“黑色”了。【吐槽博纳晒成橘色，且博纳如今被当成奥黑一样被喷】 但我还没有放弃跟国会合作的愿望。实际上两周前，Ted Cruz参议员和我合力通过了一项法案。我得说，签署仪式真是与众不同。你看，我知道，华府正处于史上最瘫痪的时期，这里的堵塞如此之严重，你不禁会想，我们到底做了什么克里斯蒂会如此生气啊？【谷大白话注：此处吐槽克里斯蒂滥用权力堵塞大桥的事件】

我们无法达成一致的问题之一是：失业保险。共和党一直反对延长这项保险。你猜怎样，我开始觉得他们有道理。如果你想又不干活又能拿钱，那你就该跟其他人一样通过竞选进入国会啊。当然了，有一件事让奥巴马医保很头疼。他们进行了50多次推翻奥氏医保的尝试。尽管如此，800万人在首轮公开申请中注册了医保。这就让人不禁要问，医保要做到多么好你们才不想废除呢？让所有人的胆固醇指标都降到120如何？体检赠送快船球票如何？不是过去斯特林的快船队啦，是奥普拉新买的快船队【谷大白话：吐槽近期斯特林的种族主义言论，而NBA联盟最近在呼吁斯特林卖掉快船队，奥巴马顺便又吐槽了下美国著名主持人奥普拉是土豪】

这样够好了吗？给Mitch McConnel来点脉搏如何？【谷大白话注释：这里奥巴马吐槽共和党大佬McConnel半死不活】要怎么样你们才满意啊？ 反正吧，今年我承诺要更多利用行政手段来绕开国会处理问题。批评者称，这是帝国主义总统，实际情况是，我只是每天到办公室上班而已。本以为，他们会喜欢更独断的做法，因为保守派的新男神是普京啊。

去年Pat Buchanan说，普京是直奔诺贝尔和平奖而去啊。【谷大白话注：Pat Buchanan是美国保守派政客】他是这么说的，我知道听起来很疯狂，不过实事是，如今和平奖是见人就给的，所以，这是可能的。不过，不只是Pat，Rudy Giuliani说普京那才叫真正的领导人呢，Mike Huckabee和Sean Hannity总提起他裸露的胸膛。【谷大白话注：三者分别是前纽约市长、08年总统候选人、福克斯名嘴】你去搜搜，他们说过很多次的，嘿嘿嘿。

想到我只剩两年半的任期，感觉很奇怪，身边的一切都在提醒，我只是临时工。不过，从现在到2016年大选期间，什么事情都有可能发生。你们可能听说了，希拉里前几天在新闻发布会上被人扔鞋。

不管会发生什么，我是已经选完最后一次了。我开始考虑自己给后人留点什么了。芝加哥市长Rahm Emanuel最近宣布要用我的名字命名一所高中【谷大白话注：Rahm曾是奥巴马幕僚长】，这事让我很受宠若惊，更让我感到开心的是Rich Perry他今晚也来了【此人是得州州长】，在得州也要这样做，瞧瞧吧，这对我来说太重要了。我打算享受我卸任后所有的自由时间，小布什卸任后开始作画，此事激励我也去发掘自己的艺术天赋，我们肯定有图片的吧，或者没有，没有幻灯片这段子就讲不了啊。哦，那好，大家就假设这段子很好笑吧。

Joel你也遇到过这样的情况吗？你也是吗？好吧，我们来说点正经的。

今晚提醒我们，我们有幸能生活在这样的国家。在我国，记者们可以每天抨击国家领导人，然后每年一次，领导人能有机会以其人之道还治其人之身。但我们也知道，并非所有的记者、摄影师或团队人员都如此幸运，因为就在今晚欢庆新闻自由的同时，我们仍然心系全球各地的新闻人，比如在乌克兰、阿富汗、叙利亚、埃及，他们奋不顾身，为了新闻报道，他们有时甚至要牺牲生命。

今晚还提醒我们，为全面而公平的采访权的战斗，不只是提问的机会而已。正如Steve所说，几十年前，黑人记者若想报道总统新闻，可能会被新闻学校开除。受到吉姆•克劳法的压迫【谷大白话注：种族隔离的法规】，还曾经被华府禁止出席新闻发布会，但是经过多年努力，黑人编辑和出版人接触，罗斯福的新闻秘书Stephen Early，之后他们跟总统本人会面，总统宣布授予黑人记者报道的权力。虽然Harry McAlpin创造历史，成为首位出席总统新闻发布会的黑人记者，但其他同行对他并不欢迎。

不过总统欢迎了他，总统告诉他“McAlpin见到你我很高兴”，“很高兴你能到这里来”，当然在Harry向他提了几个问题之后，他高兴的感觉就会消散，Harry的抗争还在继续，但他成就了历史。我们也很自豪，Sherman和家人今晚出席。

白宫记者协会以Harry的名义创立了奖学金，一百多年来，在白宫记者协会讲述美国的进步之时，你们也同样在经历着进步，逐渐给予女性、少数族裔、同性恋和残障人同等权利。是的，不论是广播、电视、还是网络记者都是一样。你们的努力确保了即便社会改变，我们对领导者和提问者之间互动的基本承诺是不会改变的。

Jay可以作证，这是你们日复一日充满激情传承下去的遗产，因为这是记者协会的百年庆典。我额外录了一段小视频来感谢大家的辛勤工作，请放视频……怎么回事啊？不是告诉我说能播的吗？！谁知道怎么修好它？

（此处插入设计桥段：前卫生部长Sebelius走上舞台帮助奥巴马解决问题，她因医保网站瘫痪备受抨击）

Sebelius说：我会弄，遇到无数次这样的故障了【谷大白话注：还是医保网站故障的梗】。奥巴马：好了，向白宫记者协会表示祝贺，希望你们能把精彩的报道再坚持一百年。非常感谢大家，上帝保佑你们。