第一篇：8人英语小品后果好
8人英语小品《喜羊羊与灰太狼——一把“枪”》
道具：两把玩具枪。人数：五名男生，三名女生（其中一名稍胖）
出场人物：喜羊羊Pleasant Goat 美羊羊Pretty Goat 懒羊羊Lazy Goat 沸羊羊 Force Goat暖羊羊Warm Goat 慢羊羊 Slowly Goat(Village Head)灰太狼 Big Big Wolf 红太狼Red Big Wolf（旁白：在一个阳光明媚的一天，青青草原上依旧是过着那么和平的生活，在青青草原上他们就是一朵朵白云，在无边的草原上，任由他们翱翔，看！，他们来了。）情节对话：
（喜羊羊、美羊羊、沸羊羊、懒羊羊、慢羊羊还有暖羊羊在一起；灰太狼和红太狼在旁边隐蔽）
沸：Pleasant Goat.!Look, I am very strong!(得意的样子！)喜：Please look here!(笑眯眯的)，Force Goat, Do you think that you are strong than lazy Goat? 沸：画个圈圈诅咒你！美,暖：（无奈的摇头！）
喜：What can we play today?
美：We have nothing to play.It’s dull!
懒：I have a good idea.（睡意朦胧）
喜、沸：What idea do you have?（好奇）
懒：Let’s sleep!（自信满满）
暖、慢：Oh,no!You are very lazy!（无奈指责）
灰：Ha!Dear goats,I’m coming!（灰太狼小声→大声，出现在羊面前）
美：Ah!Look,Big-big-wolf!Run away!（惊恐了一大跳）
（羊们开始逃跑，灰太狼追着美羊羊）
灰：Ha-ha!I’m sure that it’s a good and delicious goat!
（灰太狼紧追美羊羊）
美：Pleasant-goat!Please help me!Help,help,help!（神情紧张）
灰：It’s too late!My favourite goat.（十分贪婪，并抓住了美羊羊）
喜：Pretty-goat,I have nothing to do.But I’ll save you!
（灰太狼抓住了美羊羊后，又开始抓其它羊）
懒：Don’t touch me!Help me!（也神情紧张）
灰：Ha!Little fat goat.I am hungry now.My wife is waiting for me.Haha!（灰太狼又抓住了懒羊羊,于是逮着懒羊羊，美羊羊走向
狼堡，最后进入了狼堡）
（旁白：转眼间，青青草原的平静被灰太狼打破，懒羊羊，美羊羊被灰太狼抓走带回了狼堡。）
-------------------地点转换（在狼堡）----------------------------
红：Wa!Big big wolf!You are very good!Oh,two goats!（激动）
灰:Wife.I’m going to cook them soon!Today we’ll have a super dinner，I’m looking forward to eating goats the first,oh,yeah,wife,which goat can we eat frist?
红：the Pretty-goat!
灰：Pretty-goat?why?
红：why?because she is more pertty than me ,I hite someone more pertty than me!
灰：OK, Wife.let us bake(烤)her!I thing that it will be more delicious!
红：I want to cook her,quickly , idiot,(愤怒的语气，并拿出平底锅)
灰：（吓得退到墙边，神情紧张的样子！）
懒：Big big wolf, you are Pa er duo(火巴耳朵)!{看不起，鄙视地语气！} 灰：（飞快的冲到懒洋洋的面前，发飙了，很吓人的那种）懒：（毫不畏惧的继续说Pa er duo，嘲笑的那种）灰：（一个耳光下去）Little fat goat，say it again！懒：（继续说）灰：（又一巴掌下去），懒：（有些害怕，突然想打喷嚏了），灰太狼被喷了一脸可是可水； 灰：“这羊够味”，好 红：（拿起平底锅把懒洋洋拍晕）
懒：I see many stars on the head!I am sleeping!红: 八嘎，idiot，Cook Goat qulickly!
灰：嗨,I konw,I know.（灰太狼准备煮羊,神情紧张）
（旁白：在此时，青青草原上的伙伴们正在商议这对付灰太狼的计划。）
-----------------------地点转换（在青青草原）----------------------
慢：What to do?Pleasant-goat,find a way quickly,be quick!（着急）
沸：Pleasant goat!Find a way!
喜：There’s only one key.Let’s goto wolf’s houseand save them!
暖：What?I am very worried about that!It’s too dangerous!
（表现出害怕的样子）
慢：Ng.This is only one key.I’m wating for you.You must save Pretty-goat and Lazy goat.And this is a special chinese
kongfu.Big-big-wolf won’t move for an hour.i will teach you,Pleasant goat and Force goat.（慢羊羊摆了几招，教会了喜羊羊和沸羊羊）
喜：That’s great!Let’s go.Warm goat and Force goat!（握住拳头）
暖,沸：Ok,let’s go to wolf’s house!（气势磅礴）
（喜羊羊它们向狼堡走去；灰太狼与红太狼正得意洋洋）
（旁白：在计划完成后，他们决定去狼堡救出懒洋洋和美羊羊。）
-----------------------地点转换（在狼堡）---------------------------
红：Two Little goats.You will finish!I’ll eat you!（贪婪野蛮）
美：Oh,no.I believe Pleasant goat can save me!Yes?Lazy goat?What are you doing?（无助）
懒：Let me sleep,xu.（乐观派）
美：Ah!Don’t sleep!I am very afraid!If you don’t sleep,I will give you candy!
懒：Really?I love candy!（懒羊羊突然醒了，美羊羊点点头）
（喜羊羊，沸羊羊，暖羊羊到达，并使劲敲门）
灰：Who?Oh, wife.Maybe are the other goats!Let me catch them.灰：Oh,it’s pleasant goat！I’ll get you for my dinner!
喜：Big-big-wolf.Goodbye!葵花点穴手!
（灰太狼突然动不了了）
暖：Wa!Pleasant goat,you are very great!（赞美）
灰：Pleasant-goat!What do you do? Why can’t I move?!
沸：Ok!...Ng.Red big wolf！you will finish!
（喜羊羊救了美羊羊，懒羊羊,沸羊羊对着红太狼施招）
红：What are you going to do?little fat goats?（害怕）
沸：Goodbye,Red big wolf!葵花点穴手!
（沸羊羊对着红太狼施招；红太狼动不了了）
美，懒：Thank you,Pleasant-goat!（感激不尽）
暖：Lazy goat, pretty goat,Run away quickly!
(美羊羊，懒羊羊逃了出来)
红：Big-big-wolf,I hate you!Ah!（红太狼挣扎）
美：Mr.Big-big-wolf and Red big wolf,goodbye!（亲切）
懒：Pretty-goat,where’s my candy?（天真好奇）
美：Oh!Lovely lazy goat,I have no candy.Sorry?Don’t blame me!（违约）
懒：What?My candy!My God!...Ai,Let me sleep,xu.（无奈的）
暖：Don’t sleep!Lazy goat!We willgo to our house!（命令）
（懒羊羊随即被叫醒，并打了个哈欠，之后羊群到达羊村）
慢:Pleasant goat,you’re very good!（迎接）
沸：Village Head.慢：Ah,that’s not ture the special gun.This is ture!（激动地拿出真枪）
暖：Ah?If this„„（疑惑无比）
慢：If this false gun,Big big wolf can’t move for ten days!（大声）
懒：Ha ha.Ng„„And do we win?
喜，沸，暖，美：Yes!We win!（羊们笑着说）
（旁白：让我们再次将目光聚焦到狼堡，看看他们的情况。）
-----------------------地点转换（在狼堡）---------------------------
红：Big-big-wolf,Where are our goats?Where?you, you,I hate you!Ah!You are foolish!（动不了了）
灰：Wu„„Awful pleasant-goat,I must eat you the first!And I’m sure come back soon（哭着说）
文章英语小品《喜羊羊与灰太狼——一把“枪”》 结束语：
太阳出来喜洋洋，我来祝你美羊羊，学习舒心沸羊羊，周末在校懒羊羊，时间过的慢羊羊，火锅吃的暖洋洋，出门小心灰太狼！祝大家笑可常开，百事可乐！
第二篇：英语小品
Christmas Parry A： Today is Christmas, we have a Christmas party, let's have a look!
（今天是圣诞节，我们一个圣诞聚会，一起来看看吧！）(敲门，好朋友问好)B：hi！marry！Happy Christmas AC：hi！linda！Happy Christmas！（进门）
DC；WOW！how beautiful!C: Why wear so many things in the room? B :You don't know!This is a Christmas tree.Christmas tree is a celebration of the most famous Christmas traditions.Modern Christmas tree originated in Germany.Usually people are around to a Christmas evergreen trees such as pines get into the house or outdoors, and use Christmas lights and colorful ornaments decorated(圣诞树是圣诞节庆祝中最有名的传统之一。近代圣诞树起源于德国。通常人们在圣诞前后把一棵常绿植物如松树弄进屋里或者在户外，并用圣诞灯和彩色的装饰物装饰。并把一个天使或星星放在树的顶上。)D ：Do you know the origin of the Christmas ? Christmas is a Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus
Christ.The story of Christmas comes chiefly from the Gospels of Saint Luke and Saint Matthew in the New Testament.Christians celebrate Christmas, and later spread across the globe(你知道圣诞节的由来吗？圣诞节是基督教的节日。圣诞节的故事主要来自圣卢克和圣马太的福音书新约。基督徒庆祝圣诞节,后来在全球范围内传播)E:I know about Santa Claus。In the United States, children will hang Christmas stockings on the fireplace on Christmas Eve.what do you know,Alice?(我知道圣诞老人。在美国,孩子们会把圣诞袜挂在壁炉在圣诞前夜,你知道些什么？)C：I also know some.At Christmas people have a hearty dinner, usually people like Turkey, ginger bread, etc.。（我只知道一些，在圣诞节人们有一顿丰盛的晚餐，通常人们喜爱火鸡，姜饼等）
B：That’s great!Let's listen to the music!(真好！让我们听点儿音乐！)MUSIC。。。谢幕！
第三篇：英语小品
对白：几年前来中国的外国老师有来到中国执教了，今天她想去逛一下超市，顺便看一下中国的变化。
Vicky: Wow!The city has changed a lot.The flowers are beautiful.The buildings are so high.I want to buy a new skirt for my brother.独白：Vicky外国老师来到了佳乐家超市，进入了卖裙子专区。
Vicky: Hello!
卖家：How do you do?
Vicky: How do you do? I want to buy this skirt.卖家：（赞扬的表情）This skirt is so beautiful.You must buy it for yourself.Vicky: No, no, no.I buy it for my brother as present.卖家：（大笑）哪里会有卖男士裙子的？哈哈哈哈哈哈，还有男的穿裙子啊？？！哈哈哈哈哈
Vicky: No, I’m from Scotland.In my hometown, men have skirts in festivals.卖家：（恍然大悟状）哦，在春晚上，小沈阳就是穿的苏格兰裙子的。Oh，I see.Vicky: That’s it.独白：Vicky 仔细端详了一下裙子
Vicky：This one is great.I’ll buy it.How much is it?
卖家：Five hundred.(卖家包装裙子)This is your skirt and it’s our gift.Welcome to China.独白：经过一上午的购物，到了午饭的时间，Vicky 决定去吃当地的小吃。Vicky 外国老师来到了一处卖我烤肉串的地方。
Vicky(指着一串烤肉)：How much?
店主：哇，来了块大肥肉啊，这老外不知道价格，我要狠狠的宰她一下，哈哈哈（窃喜）Vicky: How much?(动作：伸出一根手指头)
店主： Five Yuan.Vicky: 别人家（动作：指向别的店铺）Two Yuan.YouFive Yuan.It’s expensive.不公平。（用外国人的口音说）
店主：（小声说）（惊奇的表情）这老外居然还懂点汉语啊。
This is my dad’s dad’s dad’s dad’s 烤肉秘方，Delicious , this is delicious very much..这烤肉千里飘香，吃一口保准你想再来一口。
Vicky: Really?? 真的么？？ Deal
店主 包装食品
A few minutes later
独白： Vicky老师捂着肚子，脸色发黄，她回来找店主了。
喜羊羊与灰太狼 主题曲伴奏开始
Vicky 老师唱： 别看我是个老外，我就是一直肥羊，店主是一只灰太狼。
Lilei：(对Vicky 说)I’m a primary school student.What’s wrong with you?
Vicky: I bought the meat, but it makes me sick.I have called a friend to help me.She is going to come here.(做打电话状)
Lilei：（对店主说）我已经看到事情的经过了，你怎么能卖的一样的东西却比别人的贵呢？？而且还有质量问题，这不是丢我们国人的脸么？
店主：（作自夸状）我经营烤肉店数十载，历史悠久，味道独特，当然价格要贵了，还用得着你这个小娃娃来教育我么？？！
独白： Vicky的朋友来了（The friend comes）.Lilei：（惊讶表情）Miss Hou, It’s you!
Miss Hou:(惊讶表情)Lilei，What are you doing here?
Vicky: You know each other?
Miss Hou:(微笑)（对着Vicky说）He is my student.(对lilei说)This is our new teacher.Lilei：我本来要去图书馆的，但是我刚才看到了卖烤肉的店主卖坏的烤肉给这位老师。Miss Hou:(对店主说)How can you do that? 你怎么能做这样的事呢？怎么可以欺骗我们的外国友人呢？
店主 低头，作反思表情
Miss Hou:(对lilei说)You are honest.I take pride of you.店主：(道歉，悔恨的说)I’m sorry about that.I shouldn’t ask a high price for you.I will refund the money.I’m also sorry about the meat.I would like to undertake your lose.Vicky:(原谅的表情)I accept your apology.I also feel your honesty.独白： 店主真诚的向Vicky 老师道歉了，Vicky老师也接受了道歉，同时lilei也发扬了我们中华民族诚信的美德，值得我们大家学习。
Miss Hou, Vicky, lilei鼓掌赞扬店主知错能改。
第四篇：英语小品
《Psychology sharing》
角色分配：
Doctor1=D1 Doctor2=D2 Patient1=P1Patient2=P2 Patient3=P3 Patient4=P4 正文对白（无旁白）
D1、D2: Hello everyone,we are the psychology assistants of Zhejiang University.D1: We are responsible to give an ear for you,our dear classmates, to share puzzles or disappointments you meet.D2: Study, emotion, love, whatever in your daily life.D1、D2: And we will provide as much as we can to help you overcome the peak in your mind.Section1: D1: You look so down, poor boy.P1: I can’t believe that.(低声默念)D1: Pardon me please.I will try to catchit this time.P1: I can’t believe that!（大声嚷出）
D1: Got it.（低声无奈）But, what’s the matter with you? If you speak it out, it may be not as serious as you thought.P1: But it really is.I have never imagined this shamed<羞耻的> thing occurs to me and I have no dignity<尊严> to face everyone surrounding me.I’m not the focus of others anymore because my grades drop from4.9 to 4.8 this term.（双手抱头作绝望状）
D1: Oh, my goodness!I have to take back my words;you are not a poor boy…（低声无奈）You know, I have only got once 4.0, while, in a math-class dream.（难为情）P1: What a poor boy!（捂脸作无奈状）
D1: However, I still lead a happy life.One thing you must be clear is that marks are not the whole of your life and there must exist<存在> something more meaningful.Put down those endless exercises and go outside the tight classroom, maybe you’ll find another sky of college.P1: I’ll take a risk.Thank you.D1: Good luck to you.You need a new life.Section2: D1: What’s your problem? P2: I find myself useless.D1: What happened? Maybe I can give you a favor.P2: I noticed her at the first sight.I tried to know everything about her, her major;her hobby, her favorite song,but she never pays any attention on my…（沉默状）
D1: You mean your hidden love? Because you never talk to her!
P2: Sorry, I can’t make it.（惭愧状）You know, I’m an engineering student, so I haven’t talked to female for one year except my mother on the phone!D1: Well…（无奈状）You really need more practice.Now try to imagine me as your dreaming girl.P2: If she looks like the same as you, I guess I’ll never talk to her.D1:（自取其辱状）I mean, just imagine and try.P2: Imagine…（假想陶醉状）Darling!Do you know how I love you!I can’t fall asleep when I think of your charming<迷人的> smile and I am always dreamed about walking along the lake hand in hand.Believe me, I’m your future.I will devote whatever I have in loving you.Give me a chance, please, please, please……（作更深一步陶醉状）（P2抓住D1的手不放，D1吓得神魂错乱，起身逃离现场，P2紧追不舍并保持陶醉状）Section3: P3: She doesn’t need me anymore…（委屈绝望状）D2: Hey, man, cheer up!What’s the matter? P3: I joined the Student Union of our school and I was set in a working group including a pretty girl.We stay connection every day and go for dinner together after finishing the assignment.And I always consider her just as a companion at work.But my girlfriend doesn’t believe that.D2: What a pity!Have your girlfriend evercome cross you two together? P3: Never...（作犹豫状）Except for yesterday...D2: Then what happened? P3: She ran away and texted me at night,everything is over.（惋惜状）D2: Do you love her now?（此句及下句要说清，下段有铺垫，重音一定要加强）
P3: Of course the answer is yes, that is why I come here.I don’t know what I can do to save it.D2: Perhaps it was all caused by her compulsion at the time, if you say sorry to her and explain for your working relationship,maybe she will take back her words.P3: ….（默许点头，轻轻离座，坐在离主表演台较近的地方不要离开）Section4: P4:（哭泣状，声音哽咽）I should have given him the chance to explain.I was so annoyed and compulsive that time, so….I took out all the photos we took together and all the gifts he gave to me and I found myself really can’t put down all unforgettable experience with him.It was my fault but I can't own him anymore.D2: Do you love him now? P4: Of course the answer is yes, that is why I come here.I don’t know what I can do to save it.D2: Oh, what the hell!You are definitely<显然的> the couple.Then follow me, quickly, he can’t be so far from here.（推门而出，发现P3就坐在外面）
P3: I heard what you had said in.I love you, honey.P4: I will never let it go.（P3与P4相拥许久，D1用手机播放My heart will go on最好多几个手机不然声音太小）全体: Welcome to share your problem.my fault but I can’t own him anymore.
第五篇：英语小品
（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
(This short play is set in a restaurant named “Scottish Taste / Feel.” Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)赵本山：到了。毛毛：
到了。
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。毛毛：
爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。毛毛：
爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？ 毛毛：
我没拿包啊。赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。毛毛：
完了，让我落炕上了。
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗？ 毛毛：
兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。毛毛：
这也不能够啊。
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao Here we are.Yadar
Here we are.Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: “Scottish Tease / Fool.” Yadar
You got it wrongfrom the inside out.Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt? Shenyang
Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style.See, it's no skirt but Capri pants.Look at this, look.Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry.No wonder I feel different while walking.Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah!I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute.You should do you' best.Shenyang
No problem.Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad? Shenyang
Why so / What's wrong? Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.Shenyang
About 10,000 to 20,000.Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow? 小沈阳：打白条儿啊？
赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。小沈阳：啥意思？ 赵本山：小费。
小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。赵本山：给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。小沈阳：咋兜呢？
赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......小沈阳：我就说没有呗。
赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。赵本山：谢谢。小沈阳：放心吧。
毛毛：
爷爷，我有点饿了。赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。小沈阳：呃，78一碗。赵本山：啥面？这么贵。小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。赵本山：是不是卤子贵？ 小沈阳：卤不要钱。
赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。
赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。Shenyang
You'll give me an IOU? Uncle Zhao Not that.I've got the money anyway.Take this.Shenyang
What's it? Uncle Zhao A tip for you.Shenyang
You do understand people / things / the world, sirZhujun!Oh sorry.Bai Yansong? Oh no.Or a Bi something!Are you Mr.Bi? CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.Shenyang
Come here everyone, it`s Mr.Bi here.(To CCTV Man)Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up!Come here!He can go elsewhere at any minute.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fussy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf? Shenyang
He's Mr.Bi...Uncle Zhao I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.Shenyang
Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr.Bi? Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)Wait, wait.(To CCTV Man)Welc'me, Mr.Bi.CCTV Man Nice to meet you.Uncle Zhao I've been waitin' all this time for you.CCTV Man Thanks a lot really.May I have your name please? Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see? CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.Uncle Zhao You got it.Here's his daddy and I'm...Yadar
Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.Uncle Zhao An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy.Aren't you lookin' for a dad...I mean it's right to be looking my way.CCTV Man Hi, daddy...I mean buddy.So where's your son? Uncle Zhao He's at the township waitin' for you.Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you.With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle.Flowers all around.CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy? Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow.Lots of folks' waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin' all over.CCTV Man Why's that? Uncle Zhao They're excited.CCTV Man Let's go there, then.Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first.How abut that? 3rd 毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？
赵本山：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。
毕福剑：别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。
赵本山：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。小沈阳：毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。毕福剑：你是男服务员？ 小沈阳：嗯哪。
毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。
赵本山：我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？ 毕福剑：刚到，刚到。赵本山：咱是老乡。毕福剑：是吗？
赵本山：你不是大连人吗？ 毕福剑：对对，大连人。赵本山：你住哪儿？
毕福间
我住大连老鳖湾。
赵本山：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕。毕福剑：你姥爷叫毕什么？ 毛毛：
毕门庭。
毕福剑：你姥爷打麻将肯定是高手。赵福剑：咋的？ 毕福剑：闭门听嘛。
赵本山：正好你叫闭门炮。
CCTV Man Why here? Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling.Do c'me this way please.CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.Shenyang
A picture of the two of us, please.CCTV Man(to Shenyang)You're...a male waiter? Shenyang
Yup.CCTV Man
You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came.How funny he is dressin' up like this? Sit down here.Did you enjoy your trip? CCTV Man Yes, quite.Uncle Zhao We mus' be fellow townsmen.CCTV Man
Are we? Uncle Zhao Ain`t you from Dalian? CCTV Man Sure.Uncle Zhao Which part? CCTV Man Old Turtle Bend.Uncle Zhao Where her mummy's daddy used to live, too.So we're even relatives.CCTV Man(to Yadar)What`s his name? Yadar
Bi Menting.CCTV Man Your grandpa must be good at playing mahjong.Uncle Zhao Why? CCTV Man The name sounds like a mahjong term.Uncle Zhao That matches you' nickname “Bi Mengpao,” as you're a mahjong man you'self.毕福剑：我叫毕福剑。
赵本山：这也是的，没准儿都......实在......哎呀，这一笑，你看看，多像你姥爷临走那张照片。毛毛：
爷爷，你快看，不笑更像。毕福剑：我今儿个躲不开了。
赵本山：孩子这一辈子，跟爷爷不行，就跟姥爷亲。姥爷临走把她哭完了。快认姥爷。毛毛：
姥爷好。
毕福剑：别别别，起起......。大过年的，你要来这个，我得给你压岁钱了。赵本山：不用，不用。哎呀，这家伙，来......小沈阳：毕老师，你给我照个相呗。
赵本山：这没吃饭呢，你先揣起来。点菜，快点。小沈阳：照完再点呗。赵本山：点完再照。小沈阳：要跑了呢？ 赵本山：。谁跑啊？毕老师都低调来的，你别跟人这样说。她姥爷，这都......实在亲戚，你就点吧。
毕福剑： 不不不，咱随便吃点饭就可以了。您来，您来。
赵本山： 现在咱家都富了，农民生活跟过去不一样了。你就铆劲儿吃，你说吃能吃多少钱哪。我点。
毕福剑：随便来。
赵本山：澳洲鲍鱼四只。小沈阳：对不起，没有。
毕福剑：算了，别点那么贵的。你往下来。赵本山：四斤的龙虾。
小沈阳：对不起，没那么大的。
CCTV Man Just Bi Fujian.Uncle Zhao Yeah, whut an...well, I'm really...(To Yadar)Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.Yadar
Look, even more like it when he doesn't.CCTV Man So I'm hopeless either way.Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me.Sort of cried her heart out when he died.Say hello to you' new grandpa.Yadar
(kneeling down / with a kowtow)How do you do, grandpa.CCTV Man Don't, please.It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money.Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir.You're indeed...Shenyang
We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)We haven't ordered our dishes yet.Put this damn' thing away.We'll see whut to eat first.C'me.Shenyang
Just one picture, please.Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first.Shenyang
What if he runs away after the meal? Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr.Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance.Don't you say a thing like that.(To CCTV Man)I'm whut they call a “country pumpkin,” my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest.So you please order the dishes.CCTV Man Don't be too polite.You do it.Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before.Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway.Please give me the menu.CCTV Man
Don't be extravagant, buddy.Uncle Zhao
Australian abalones, four.Shenyang
Sorry, they're out of stock.CCTV Man Too expensive anyway.Let's move on down.Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each.Shenyang
Sorry, nothing that big.4th 赵本山：有多大的？ 小沈阳：有一斤多的。
赵本山：一斤多的......有吗？ 赵本山：有......还是没有啊？
赵本山：这个......我跟你说，有没有，这是你开的店呢，你还不明白？这不差钱。小沈阳：哦......那没有。
毕福剑：下边我看看，鱼翅就更别点了。
赵本山： 鱼翅有也别吃了，我吃鱼翅有一回就卡住了，后来用馒头噎，用醋泡，都不好使，到医院用镊子拿出来的。不吃那玩意儿。毕福剑： 他也没有。
赵本山： 你这酒店怎么要啥啥没有呢？干什么玩意儿吃的？这毕老师容易来一趟？把你老板找来
小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：你就记住一个没有了，是不？老板。小沈阳：啊，老板哪？老板出去了。赵本山：上哪儿去了？ 小沈阳：不知道。
赵本山：啥玩意儿呀你？你说吃啥呀？ 毕福剑：来点儿家常便饭。民间的。
赵本山：民间的是吧？来民间的吧，孩子，来个小野鸡炖蘑菇。小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：这个可以有。小沈阳：这个......真没有。
Uncle Zhao Whut kind do you have? Shenyang
Half a kilo each.Uncle Zhao Somethin' you really have? Shenyang
Yes we do...or no? Uncle Zhao C'me on, boy, it's you take care of things here.Don't you know whut you've got an' whut not? I'll ne'er shortchange you.Shenyang
So no, we haven't got lobsters.CCTV Man Let me have a look.Even less need for ordering shark's fin.Uncle Zhao I won't.Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my t'roat.I tried to remove it by swallowin' lumps of rice an' softenin' it with vinegar.It didn't work, though.I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with s'me tweezers.So, sharp stuff jus' won't do.CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway.Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothin' to serve.You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy.A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr.Bi.Where's you' boss? Get him here.Shenyang
No boss, sir.Uncle Zhao Run out of a boss as well? Shenyang
Well...the boss is out.Uncle Zhao Where's he? Shenyang
No idea.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell shall we have to eat, then? CCTV Man Just something homely.Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then.A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms.Shenyang
I'm sorry, sir.Uncle Zhao That's whut you can have.Shenyang
Something we really don't have.赵本山：我给你带来了啊，咱有。来，丫蛋，把这拿来。哎呀，多亏带来了。毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：我是给你往北京带的，现在你拿不走了，赶紧得在这儿吃了。毕福剑
野山鸡不能吃。
赵本山：这是家养的。都是野蘑菇。把这个炖了，高压锅啊，时间长点，来。好了，这儿有一个菜了。来，笨蛋。小沈阳：你说谁笨蛋？！
赵本山：不是，我说再点个笨鸡蛋。小沈阳：没有。
赵本山：我有。这样......毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：这鸡蛋和大葱一炒。
毕福剑：你怎么下一趟饭店，材料都自己备？
赵本山：不是，他没有啊，问题是。给他钱都没处找去。几个菜了？俩了，这样吧，给你们点机会。毕老师来一回，你们饭店表示不？
小沈阳： 赠送一个呗。哎呀妈呀，大爷你咋这么抠呢？你说你一个没点，完了我们还得搭一个，啊？
赵本山：我说小伙子，咱们不是一个没点。我点完之后，鲍鱼、龙虾你都没有。小沈阳：有没有，你心里还没数吗？ 赵本山：我有啥数，你不是说没有吗？
小沈阳： 别说话了。一说万一要有，咋整啊？ 赵本山： 你到底有没有？这差钱还是咋的？
Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought.Get it here, Yadar.Lucky we didn't c'me with empty hands.CCTV Man No, buddy...Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijin'.As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now.CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption.Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home.Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-pressure cooker till they're th'roughly done.So far we've got one dish ready.C'me here, dumb bell.Shenyang
What did you say? Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg.Shenyang
We don't have any, sir!Uncle Zhao I do.All right...CCTV Man Buddy...Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions.CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant? Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here.Not even if you're willin' to pay.See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine!(To Shenyang)Now I'm givin' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr.Bi here.Shenyang
We'll serve one dish for free.You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy.But whut did you have, abalones or lobsters? Shenyang
Is it up to me to say yes? Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!Shenyang
Cut it out, sir.If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next? Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money.5th 小沈阳：我知道大爷不差钱。我的意思，毕老师好容易来一回，咱吃喝不能在乎钱，大爷。你看我今年岁数小，但是我总结了，人这一生其实可短暂了，有时候一想，跟睡觉是一样一样的。眼睛一闭，一睁，一天过去了；眼睛一闭，不睁，这辈子就过去了。毕福剑：小伙子，精辟。赵本山：精辟啥，他是屁精。小沈阳：大爷，我没别的意思。赵本山：你啥意思？
小沈阳：我的意思，人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情，你知道是什么？
赵本山：嗯？
小沈阳：人死了，钱没花了。
赵本山：人这一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么吗？ 小沈阳：啥呀？
赵本山：是人活着呢，钱没了。不差钱，放心吧，啊。把菜好好做上。小沈阳：哎，好嘞。赵本山：这孩子。
小沈阳：这一天......这也太抠了。
赵本山：他姥爷，这菜呢，得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了，这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。毕福剑：艺......艺术细胞。
赵本山：给看看，能不能上你的大道。毕福剑：她......赵本山：才艺，那是了不得。
毕福剑：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到这儿来，就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。赵本山：可不是嘛，它有这么个关系。毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么？
赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。服务员，拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗？拿来。站好了。
Shenyang
This I know, sir, but with Mr.Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep.Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over.Eyes closed but never opened againbecause I've found my grandpa.Grandpa's great, he can take me to the Star Splashed Walkway.CCTV Man Starlight Broadway.Uncle Zhao Starlight Broadway.Yadar
Broadway or whatever, I'm grateful to grandpa for this chance.I'll be very thankful if you can take me to your Broadway.I'll thank your ancestors...I mean I'll thank you on behalf of my own ancestors of long, long years ago.I won't forget this great favor you've done me.I owe this new life of mine to you.I'll go on chasing you even after I die to become a ghost.CCTV Man(to Uncle Zhao)Grandpa...I mean you.The way she spoke sort of upset me.Uncle Zhao Eh...I guess she jus' wants to revenge you...CCTV Man Is that so? Uncle Zhao No, I mean to repay you.Or reimburse you or whute'er.One should repay those who've generously helped him or her.When the girl becomes famous, she really shouldn`t forget you.(To Yadar)Go ahead and sing.CCTV Man Can she sing a song? Uncle Zhao Sing “The Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau” by Li Guyi.Yadar
It`s by Li Na.Uncle Zhao Whoe'er it is.6th 毛毛现场演唱《青藏高原》。）毛毛：
“是谁带来远古的呼唤？
是谁留下千年的期盼......” 赵本山：中间的不用唱了，最后那个。哦哟啦，那个。毛毛：
“......那就是青藏高原。” 毕福剑：年龄不大，嗓门真高。
赵本山：来来，再长一个调儿。“那就......”。毛毛：
爷爷，卤子有点吃咸了。（小沈阳忍俊不禁）毕福剑：好好。
赵本山：还有呢？后面连哭带唱的。毕福剑：等一下。赵本山：连哭带说。
毕福剑：老哥，我问一下，连哭带说是什么节目？ 赵本山：就后面“我家庭怎么困难，怎么不容易”那段。毕福剑：不不，那叫获奖感言。《星光大道》都是真人真事。你这还没有上北京，没参加《星光大道》，就获奖感言了。赵本山：这关系，另外这条件，她不获奖能行吗？他姥爷在这儿，我还没底吗？来来来，哭，哭。这孩子可厉害了。差仨数，她马上就哭。一、二、三--哭！毛毛：
咋哭？
赵本山：哭啊，丫蛋，在家哭那么快，真完蛋了。毛毛：
明儿也哭不出来。
赵本山：不跟姥爷有感情吗？来，看姥爷，姥爷照片在这儿。毛毛：
呜呜，嘻嘻，嘻嘻。赵本山：完蛋了，笑什么！
毛毛：
太有了意思了，哪照片呀这。
毕福剑：不说了，不说了。才艺很不错，唱得很不错。Yadar
(starting to sing)
“Ah, who brings here the earnest call of remote antiquity?
Ah, who leaves behind the expectations of the millennium?”
Uncle Zhao Skip the middle part and move on to the final climax.(Trying to imitate)Yo-la-la.See? Yadar
“...That's Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau，The highland of my soul!” CCTV Man What a high pitch you've got for your age.Uncle Zhao Push higher up.Like this.Yadar
Grandpa, the sauce's hurt my voice a bit.(Shenyang giggles again)CCTV Man(to Yadar)That's enough.Uncle Zhao Next, the game of ravin' in tears after the show.CCTV Man Wait a minute.Uncle Zhao Gabbling between sobs.CCTV Man What exactly? Uncle Zhao Like “I'm from a poor family an' life's been extra hard for me.” CCTV Man Not that yet.Hold it off till after she's got an award in Beijing.The Starlight Broadway's about what people actually experience in real life.They're not supposed to act things out beforehand.Uncle Zhao See whut support she's got an' how truly marvelous she is at singin'? It'd be funny if she goes there without winnin'!With you her grandpa here, I've got nothin' to worry about.(To Yadar)C'me on, Yadar.Show Grandpa Bi how you cry.(Back to CCTV Man)The girl's fantastic.You only count to t'ree and she'll sure break down.(Back to Yadar)One, two, t'reethe click rate is just fuckin' high.The girl with the cyber name “Yadar” is her.CCTV Man
So she's the Yadar netizens're talking so much about? Uncle Zhao
Sure.毕福剑：太好了。你马上上菜，今天这顿饭我包了，我请客。丫蛋，你明天跟着大哥一起去北京，上《星光大道》。你们搞一个组合，就叫“不差钱”。毛毛：
我也能去了？ 毕福剑：可以啊。毛毛：
谢谢姥爷。小沈阳：谢谢姥爷。
赵本山：我跟你说，毕老师，你们《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗？谁都可以参与嘛。他们都要了，把我也接收得了呗。
毕福剑：搜狐网上也有您的名字？
赵本山：你点一下试试呗。另外，我有个重要秘密没跟您透露。毕福剑：什么秘密？
赵本山：其实我姥爷也姓毕。（演员谢幕）
CCTV Man
Fantastic!(To Shenyang)Serve the meal quick.It's going to be my treat today-I'll pay the bill.And Yadar, you go off to Beijing tomorrow along with Shenyang, and join the rest of us there at Starlight Broadway.The two of you shall team up and prepare a comic piece with the title “Got the Money Anyway.” Yadar
Can I really go? CCTV Man Of course.Yadar
Thank you, grandpa.Shenyang
Thank you, grandpa.Uncle Zhao Dear in-law, I know the Starlight Broadway's a stage for common people to play on.If you can take the two youngsters with you, why can't you take me too? CCTV Man Are you famous, too, on the internet? Uncle Zhao You can click an' see.An' there's a little secret I haven't told you yet.CCTV Man What's it? Uncle Zhao My maternal grandpa, too, was surnamed Bi.(The entire cast exeunt after courteously bowing to the audience.)
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