英语幽默：THREE WISHES 三个愿望

第一篇：英语幽默：THREE WISHES 三个愿望

three wishes 三个愿望

a federal office worker finds a lamp in an old file drawer, and as he examines it a genie pops out.for his first of three traditional wishes, he wants to be on a beautiful deserted island.poof!there he is.next, of course, he wants the gorgeous babes, and poof!there they are.finally, he realizes he must sustain this great life and wishes he would never have to work.poof!he's back at the office.一名政府工作人员在一个放文件的旧抽屉里发现了盏油灯，在他检查这盏油灯的时候，砰的一声一个妖怪冒了出来。他的第一个愿望是要去一个美丽的荒岛。砰！他就在那了。第二个愿望，他想要几个漂亮的女郎。砰！她们出现了。最后，他想永远过着无忧无虑的生活不用工作。砰！他回到了办公室。

第二篇：羊的三个愿望

羊的三个愿望

上帝想了解地球上动物的和谐程度和生存现状，于是把自己变成一只老虎。

上帝在调研途中发现路边躺着一只伤痕累累、气息微弱的羊。经过询问，上帝得知羊被狼所伤，于是深表同情，承诺可以满足羊的三个愿望。

羊使劲抬起头，用感激的眼神看着上帝说：“我想变成一只狼！”

上帝指着地上浑身是血的羊说：“变！”濒临死亡的羊，一下子变成了一只凶暴强悍的狼。

于是，上帝带上狼跟随自己一起巡查。刚刚走出几十米远，狼发现前面山坳有一群正低头吃草的羊，它狼性大发，毫不犹豫地扑了上去„„看着满嘴毛和血的狼，上帝诘问狼为什么要猎杀自己同类。狼坦诚反问上帝：“我现在是狼不是羊，是狼就要吃肉，吃谁的肉不都一样吗？”

上帝摇了摇头，表情复杂地引着狼继续朝森林深处走去。

上帝所到之处，森林里大小动物或纷纷避让，或热情欢迎，或阿谀奉承。狼看着前面威风凛凛万人敬仰的上帝，心里不免失去平衡，于是它迫不及待地说出了第二个愿望：“我要变成一只老虎。”谅你不至于同类相残，上帝犹豫片刻之后，满足了羊的第二个愿望，羊由狼变成了一只跟上帝一样威震山林雄霸一方的山大王——老虎。

老虎跟在上帝后面继续巡山。老虎看着走在前面的上帝，越看越不顺眼，几欲偷袭扑杀，无奈胜算不大心存恐惧，只好忍气吞声忍辱负重。有道是“一山不容二虎”，今日有你无我，有我无你，老虎苦思冥想计上心来，于是向上帝提出了第三个愿望。

“君子一言，驷马难追。”听到老虎提出的第三个愿望，上帝显得有些为难，但转而一想，自己是上帝，绝对不能失信于动物。于是上帝犹豫片刻，仰天长啸：“变——”顿时狂风大作，树叶飘飞，动物遁藏，霎时一位健壮魁梧、荷枪实弹的猎人站立在上帝面前。

当猎人黑洞洞的枪口对着自己脑袋的时候，上帝突然意识到自己还是一只普普通通的老虎，情急之下慌忙把自己变回万能的上帝，怒指凶相毕露的猎人大吼三声：“变——变——变！”猎人立马变成老虎，然后由老虎变成狼，最后由狼还原成那只遍体鳞伤垂死挣扎的羊。

上帝心有余悸冷汗涔涔，后悔在没有准确掌握动物“畜性”的情况下，不该轻易许愿，贸然行事。

第三篇：幽默英语

英语幽默对话buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.)

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don't you already have one?（为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）经典对话三：

男：I'm a photographer.I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I'm a plastic surgeon.I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）经典对话五：

男：Haven't I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes.That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：Sorry.I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

第四篇：英语幽默

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的).His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气).Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked.No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Englishman

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water.The servant did as he was asked.The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water.The servant brought him another glass of water.Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water.“Nothing,” the Englishman answered imperturbably, “It’s simply that my room is on fire.”一个英国人

一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后 他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。半小时之后．这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么．只不过是我的房间里起火了。“

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?”The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“Don't know,” he said.“Radio is broken.”

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说“明天下雨.”第二天果然下雨了.一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,“明天有风暴.”果然,第二天下了雹暴.“印度人真神,”导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.最后,导演派人去把他叫来了.“我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,”导演说,“这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?”

印度人耸了耸肩.“我不知道,”印度人说,“收音机坏了.”

第五篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him „The Boss.‟”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？” “没有，我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了”