奥巴马白宫晚宴幽默演讲上演单口相声（精选多篇）

第一篇：奥巴马白宫晚宴幽默演讲上演单口相声

奥巴马白宫晚宴幽默演讲上演单口相声

自爆齐刘海搞怪照

美国总统奥巴马4月27日晚上出席白宫记者协会晚宴，公布自己的齐刘海搞怪照片，爆猛料拿自己开涮。晚宴上，奥巴马公布了一批修改的搞怪图片。图片中，第一夫人米歇尔的齐刘海发型转移到了奥巴马脑门上。奥巴马说，希望在第二届任期中做出改变，提升形象，不知道偷师米歇尔“换发型”算不算其中之一。奥巴马当晚尺度大开，不断自嘲。此前，他在复活节庆祝活动上，打篮球曾经22投2中，惨不忍睹的命中率是难得的笑料。总统先生也大方的主动提起，博得在场各位一笑。

Remarks by The President at The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner 英语演讲稿：

Washington Hilton Hotel, Washington, D.C.10:14 P.M.EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.(Applause.)Thank you, everybody.(Laughter.)How do you like my new entrance music?(Applause.)Rush Limbaugh warned you about this--second term, baby.(Laughter and applause.)We're changing things around here a little bit.(Laughter.)

Actually, my advisors were a little worried about the new rap entrance music.(Laughter.)They are a little more traditional.They suggested that I should start with some jokes at my own expense, just take myself down a peg.I was like, guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left?(Laughter.)

I want to thank the White House Correspondents.Ed, you're doing an outstanding job.We are grateful for--(applause)--the great work you've done.To all the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the dais--I especially want to say thank you to Ray Odierno, who does outstanding service on behalf of our country, and all our men and women in uniform every single day.(Applause.)

And of course, our extraordinary First Lady, Michelle Obama.(Applause.)Everybody loves Michelle.(Laughter.)She's on the cover of Vogue, high poll numbers.But don't worry--I recently got my own magazine cover.(Laughter.)

Now, look, I get it.These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.(Laughter.)Time passes.You get a little gray.(Laughter.)

And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes.Like, I'm out in California, we're at a fundraiser, we're having a nice time.I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country.(Laughter.)As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home.(Laughter.)Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?(Laughter and applause.)

And then there's the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids.I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots--made two of them.(Laughter.)That's right: two hits, 20 misses.The executives at NBC asked, “What's your secret?”(Laughter and applause.)

So, yes, maybe I have lost a step.But some things are beyond my control.For example, this whole controversy about Jaz-Z going to Cuba--it's unbelievable.I've got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one.(Laughter and applause.)That's another rap reference, Bill.(Laughter.)I'll let you know.(Applause.)

Of course, everybody has got plenty of advice.Maureen Dowd said I could solve all my problems if I were just more like Michael Douglas in “The American President.”(Laughter.)And I know Michael is here tonight.Michael, what's your secret, man?(Laughter.)Could it be that you were an actor in an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy?(Laughter.)Might that have something to do with it?(Applause.)I don't know.Check in with me.Maybe it's something else.(Laughter.)

Anyway, I recognize that this job can take a toll on you.I understand--second term, you need a burst of new energy, try some new things.And my team and I talked about it.We were willing to try anything.So we borrowed one of Michelle's tricks.(Laughter and applause.)I thought this looked pretty good, but no bounce.(Laughter.)

I want to give a shout-out to our headliner, Conan O'Brien.(Applause.)I was just talking to Ed, and I understand that when the Correspondents' Association was considering Conan for this gig, they were faced with that age-old dilemma: Do you offer it to him now, or wait for five years and then give it to Jimmy Fallon?(Laughter.)That was a little harsh.(Laughter.)I love Conan.And of course, the White House press corps is here.I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate.(Laughter and applause.)

Some of my former advisors have switched over to the dark side.For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.(Laughter.)

The History Channel is not here.I guess they were embarrassed about the whole Obama-is-a-devil thing.(Laughter.)Of course, that never kept Fox News from showing up.(Laughter.)They actually thought the comparison was not fair--to Satan.(Laughter and applause.)

But the problem is, is that the media landscape is changing so rapidly.You can't keep up with it.I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m.(Laughter.)It's true.(Laughter.)Recently, though, I found a new favorite source for political news--these guys are great.I think everybody here should check it out, they tell it like it is.It's called whitehouse.gov.(Laughter.)I cannot get enough of it.The fact is I really do respect the press.I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do.My job is to be President;your job is to keep me humble.Frankly, I think I'm doing my job better.(Laughter and applause.)

But part of the problem is everybody is so cynical.I mean, we're constantly feeding cynicism, suspicion, conspiracies.You remember a few months ago, my administration put out a photograph of me going skeet shooting at Camp David? You remember that? And quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped.But tonight I have something to confess: You were right.Guys, can we show them the actual photo?(Laughter.)We were just trying to tone it down a little bit.(Laughter.)That was an awesome day.(Laughter.)

There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs.Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads? You've got to really dislike me--(laughter)--to spend that kind of money.I mean, that's Oprah money.(Laughter.)You could buy an island and call it “Nobama” for that kind of money.(Laughter.)Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race.(Laughter and applause.)I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I'd have thought about it.(Laughter.)Michelle would have taken it.(Laughter.)You think I'm joking?(Laughter.)

I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities.And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with.(Laughter.)Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know?(Laughter.)See how it goes.(Laughter.)

If they won't come to me, I will come to them.Recently, I had dinner--it's been well publicized--I had dinner with a number of the Republican senators.And I'll admit it wasn't easy.I proposed a toast--it died in committee.(Laughter.)

Of course, even after I've done all this, some folks still don't think I spend enough time with Congress.“Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” they ask.Really?(Laughter.)Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?(Laughter and applause.)I'm sorry.I get frustrated sometimes.I am not giving up.In fact, I'm taking my charm offensive on the road--a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.(Laughter and applause.)

My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what's going on in Congress--it turns out, absolutely nothing.(Laughter.)But the point of my charm offensive is simple: We need to make progress on some important issues.Take the sequester.Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can't stop talking about how much they hate it.It's like we're trapped in a Taylor Swift album.(Laughter.)

One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don't know about 2016.I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he's ready to be President.(Laughter and applause.)Kids these days.I, on the other hand, have run my last campaign.On Thursday, as Ed mentioned, I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas.It was a wonderful event, and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another edifice right next to the Bush Library--can we show that, please?(Laughter.)

I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library.And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States.(Laughter.)Did anybody not see that joke coming?(Laughter.)Show of hands.Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?(Laughter and applause.)

Now, speaking of presidents and their legacies, I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend, Steven Spielberg, and Daniel Day-Lewis, who are here tonight.(Applause.)We had a screening of their most recent film, Lincoln, which was an extraordinary film.I am a little nervous, though, about Steven's next project.I saw a behind-the-scenes look on HBO--well, let's just check it out.Roll the tape.(Video is shown.)(Laughter and applause.)

It's a remarkable transformation.Do I really sound like that, though, honey?(Laughter.)

Groucho Marx once said--and, Senator Cruz, that's Groucho Marx, not Karl.That's the other guy.(Laughter.)Groucho Marx once told an audience, “Before I speak, I have something important to say.”(Laughter.)And along those same lines, I want to close on a more serious note.Obviously, there has been no shortage of news to cover over these past few weeks.And these have been some very hard days for too many of our citizens.Even as we gather here tonight, our thoughts are not far from the people of Boston and the people of West, Texas.There are families in the Midwest who are coping with some terrible floods.So we've had some difficult days.But even when the days seemed darkest, we have seen humanity shine at its brightest.We've seen first responders and National Guardsmen who have dashed into danger, law enforcement officers who lived their oath to serve and to protect, and everyday Americans who are opening their homes and their hearts to perfect strangers.And we also saw journalists at their best--especially those who took the time to wade upstream through the torrent of digital rumors to chase down leads and verify facts and painstakingly put the pieces together to inform, and to educate, and to tell stories that demanded to be told.If anyone wonders, for example, whether newspapers are a thing of the past, all you needed to do was to pick up or log on to papers like the Boston Globe.(Applause.)When their communities and the wider world needed them most, they were there making sense of events that might at first blush seem beyond our comprehension.And that's what great journalism is, and that's what great journalists do.And that's why, for example, Pete Williams' new nickname around the NBC newsroom is “Big Papi.”(Applause.)

And in these past few weeks, as I've gotten a chance to meet many of the first responders and the police officers and volunteers who raced to help when hardship hits, I was reminded, as I'm always reminded when I meet our men and women in uniform, whether they're in war theater, or here back home, or at Walter Reed in Bethesda--I'm reminded that all these folks, they don't do it to be honored, they don't do it to be celebrated.They do it because they love their families and they love their neighborhoods and they love their country.And so, these men and women should inspire all of us in this room to live up to those same standards;to be worthy of their trust;to do our jobs with the same fidelity, and the same integrity, and the same sense of purpose, and the same love of country.Because if we're only focused on profits or ratings or polls, then we're contributing to the cynicism that so many people feel right now.(Applause.)

And so, those of us in this room tonight, we are incredibly lucky.And the fact is, we can do better--all of us.Those of us in public office, those of us in the press, those who produce entertainment for our kids, those with power, those with influence--all of us, including myself, we can strive to value those things that I suspect led most of us to do the work that we do in the first place--because we believed in something that was true, and we believed in service, and the idea that we can have a lasting, positive impact on the lives of the people around us.And that's our obligation.That's a task we should gladly embrace on behalf of all of those folks who are counting on us;on behalf of this country that's given us so much.So thank you all, to the White House Correspondents for the great work you do.God bless you all.May God bless the United States of America.END 10:36 P.M.EDT

第二篇：奥巴马白宫演讲 2

Take executive action on immigration.在移民问题上采取执行行动。

Bucket.去他的。

New climate regulations.新气候规定。

Bucket.去他的。

It's the right thing to do.这么做才对。

My new attitude is paying off.我的新态度是回报。

Look at my Cuba policy.看看我的古巴政策。

The Castro brothers are here tonight.卡斯特罗兄弟今晚在这里。

Welcome to America, amigos.欢迎来到美国，朋友。

Que pasa? 怎麽了？

What? 什么？

It's the Castros from Texas.他们是来自德克萨斯州的卡斯特罗兄弟。

Oh.Hi, Joaquin.哦。嗨，杰奎因。

Hi, Julian.嗨，朱利安。

Anyway, being president is never easy.无论如何，当总统都不是件容易的事。

I still have to fix a broken immigration system, issue veto threats, negotiate with Iran.我仍然需要修复一个破碎的移民制度，发布否决威胁，与伊朗谈判。

All while finding time to pray five times a day.同时还要每天腾出时间来祈祷五次。

Which is strenuous.频繁了。

And it is no wonder that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me.难怪人们一直说担任总统让我变老了。

I look so old, John Boehner's already invited Benjamin Netanyahu to speak at my funeral.我看起来如此之老，以至于约翰·博纳已经邀请了本雅明·内塔尼亚胡在我的葬礼上致辞。

Meanwhile, Michelle hasn't aged a day.然而，米歇尔却一点儿都没有老。

I ask her what her secret is and she just says “fresh fruits and vegetables.” 我问她秘诀所在，她说“新鲜水果和蔬菜。”

It's aggravating.真是太可恨了。

Fact is though, at this point my legacy is finally beginning to take shape.事实就是，我的遗产渐渐显出雏形了。

The economy is getting better.经济正在好转。

Nine in ten Americans now have health coverage.如今百分之九十的美国人有了医保。

Today thanks to Obamacare you no longer have to worry about losing your insurance if you lose your job.今天，正因为奥巴马医改，你们才不用担心失业后没有保险。

You're welcome, Senate democrats.不用谢，民主党议员们。

第三篇：2015白宫记者协会晚宴奥巴马演讲全文

任期将尽的奥巴马在今年White House Correspondents Dinner(白宫记者协会晚宴)上火力全开，不仅吐槽了老冤家共和党各路人马，连民主党的希拉里和O’Malley等战友他也没放过。CNN, Fox News和MSNBC更是被黑的体无完肤。

Good evening everybody.Welcome to the white house correspondents' dinner.The night when Washington.Celebrates itself.Somebody's got to doit.And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency.It's true iron.Those were sheltering.Factors that film moreloose and relaxed whenever.Those.Joseph Biden shoulder massages theirlike magic.Well you have.I am determined to makethe most.Every moment.Have left.After the midterm electionsmy advisor let me Mr.President you have a bucketlist.And I served well.Something the lions would bucketlist.Take executive action on immigration.Bucket.This woman look.My new.But in my Cuba policy.The Castro Brothersare here tonight.The fulfill.What.If for capsules fromTexas.All.Iowa scream.Hi Leon.Anyway.Big Brother isnever easy and I still have to fix a brokenimmigration system.Issue veto threats to negotiate with the Ron.All while finding time to pray five times a day.Wonder that people keep pointing out how the president CNamazement.Alex old John Maynard Carter invited Netanyahu speaking myfuneral.Meanwhile Michelle has amazed today.Have to order figuredshe just says.Fresh fruits and vegetables.It's aggravated.Factis though at this point my legacy is finally beginningdetection.Their economy is getting better.Mind that in tenAmericans now have health coverage.It's.Good.No longer haveto worry about losing your insurance if you lose yourjob.You're welcome senate Democrats.Not look it is trueI have not managed to make everybody happy.Six yearsand in my presidency some people still say I'm arrogant.And aloof.Condescending.Some people are so don't.They wouldn't.And that's not all people say about.A few weeksago Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst presidentof his lifetime.What is interesting because I think DickCheney is the worst president in my lifetime.What appointments.America got some of them say these days.Mike Huckabeerecently said people should enjoy our military until a trueconservative is elected president.Think about that.It was sooutrageous 47 Ayatollah wrote us a letter.Trying to explainto Huckabee how our system works.They get worse.Doesthis week Michelle Bachmann.Ash.Actually predicted.That I wouldbring about the biblical and debates.How about the legacy.I'm in Lincoln Washington and let them do that.Okay.But you know I just have to put this stuffoutside I'm gonna stay focused on my job.Because formany Americans this is still time of deep uncertainty.Forexample I have I have one friend just a fewweeks ago.She was making millions of dollars a yearand she's now living out of abandoned Iowa.Meanwhile.Backhere our nation's capital we're always dealing with a newchallenge us and I'm happy to report that.The SecretService thanks to some excellent reporting by a White Housecorrespondents.They're relieved.Focusing on.Some of the issues thatcome up and they finally figured out a full proofway to keep people off my lawn.That works.Asnot just fence jumpers.Some you know a few monthsago drone crash landed.Back that was pretty serious butdon't worry.We've installed a new state of the artsecurity system.You know what.Let me set the recordstraight if I tease Joseph sometimes but he has beenat my side.For seven years I loved that man.Not good to great vice president he has a greatfriend.We got so close in some places and Indianathey want service pizza anymore.I want to thank ourhosts for the men Chicago girl an incredibly talented it.Syphilis around.Bond the Saturday Night Live Sicily impersonate CNN64.anchor Brooke Baldwin.Which is surprising because usually the onlypeople impersonate journalists on CNN.Are journalists on CNN.ABCis there was some of the stars from their bignew comedy black fish.I.As a great show whetherto give ABC fair warning.Being black issue only makesyou popular for so long trust.There's a shelf lifecommitment.As all us.The reporters here have a lotto cover over the last year here on the EastCoast.One big story with the brutal winner.The polarvortex because so many record lows they renamed it.MSNBC.But of course.Let's face it there is one issueon every reporters' minds matters points sixteen.Already we've seensome missteps.Turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanicback in 2009.Which annoyed look I understand there's anit was a mistake.Reminds me of when I identifiedmyself as American Bakken.1961.Ted Cruz says they're denyingthe existence of climate change.Maybe there.Mayhem like Galileo.That's not really an apt.Compare us.Galileo believed theearth revolves around the sun.Ted Cruz believes the earthrevolves around Ted Cruz.I and handel's messiah don't wantone out when a guy.Who have this based ona hope poster called you self centered.You know you'vegot a problem.Most of the men veterans.Creeping upall through high.Meanwhile Rick Santorum announced that he wouldnot attend the same sex wedding of a friendor a loved one.Towards gays and lesbians across thecountry responded that's not going to be a problem.Don'tlet them.And Donald Trump is it.Still.Anyway.It'samazing how time flies.Soon the first presidential contest willtake place.And I for one cannot wait to seewhom the Coen Brothers crack.But the plan.Marco Rubioand Rand Paul that crews Jeb Bush Scott Walker.Whowill finally get that red ropes.The winner gets abillion dollar war chest.Runner up gets to be.Thebachelor on the next season of the bachelor.Mention thislike a billion dollars.From death to guy.It's justme or does that feel a little excessive.Ms.Almostinsulting to the candidates.Both that could cope Brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folksto like one of these people.Gotta hurt their feelingswell it.And look I'm drivers lot of money tobut.The offense my middle name is Hussein.The trailhasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either.As weall know Hillary's brother emails that are in trouble.Franklinup I was going to be your private instead Grahamaccount that was gonna cause a bigger problems.Hillary thingsoff by going completely unrecognized.And it's a poll what.Not to be outdone.Martin O'Malley kicked things off bygoing completely unrecognized that it Martin O'Malley campaign.And BernieSanders might run.I'm Mike Vernon birds bears and apparentlysome folks really wanna see a pot smoking socialist inthe White House.We could get a third Obama terminalpro.And where is always on a close up moreserious note.I often joke about tensions between me inthe press but.Honestly what they say doesn't bother meI understand we've gotten adversarial system.I'm mellow sort ofgod.And that's why I invited.Looper my anger translator.The American.Paul dollar to yen nearly Y book.Inour fast changing world traditions like the white house correspondents'dinner are important.Us.Because despite our differences we counton the press to shed light on the most importantissues of the day.They're not on behalf all whileHaiti with.I.We want only.There is much littleball while he bona but the whole way we don'tstep.Yeah.Probably what did you notice.And now.ButI felt physically.Appreciate the work that you do.All in the bottom of Mexico.It's strictly know whenthat woman.That night being.While what was it whatit looked at all to them.Protecting our democracy.Ismore important than ever.For example Supreme Court ruled thatthe donor who gave Ted Cruz six million dollars wasjust exercising free speech yet.That's the kind of speechlike this I just waste is six million dollars.TheRepublicans.Hillary will have to raise huge sums of moneyto Lowell he.So don't get that money.Sealed andArnold about it.Tell me it's tough and so wasmorale.And nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problemsfor our democracy and.Yeah.Whitman.We do need tostay focused on the big challenges like climate thing.I'vegot opponents.Did and Iraq.Yeah that's what happened thatwill be up and Ned.Bradley Cooper.It does hewants the appointment but not.The player nine.Out ofthe ten hottest years ever came in last Beckett.Doesand an audit candidate.Rising seas.More violent storms gottenus.Don't sweat it people on the trains bank inand out.Business is now that's it.I meant whatlittle what.Look at what's happening right now.Every seriousscientist says we need.The Pentagon says it's the nationalsecurity risk.Miami was gonna funny event.Instead doing everythingabout it we got elected official points not club inthe sun it's.Got a bright and has quietly.Whatabout our kids what kind of stupid short sighted airliftbond above all.I.Good.Out all the respect her.You'll need an Internet that.Unit got us.I'm alot of him.Trying to get an audit.I havefriends whether.Now that I got that off my chest.You know investigative journalism.Explanatory.Journalism.Journalism that exposed corruption.And injustice.And gives voice to the different and themarginalized.The voiceless.That's power.It's a privilege.It's asimportant to America's trajectory.To our values or ideals thananything we could do in elected office.We remember journalistwe lost over the past year.Journalists like Steve and166.saw Lofton James Foley.Murder for nothing more than trying167.to shine light into some of the world's darkest corners.The journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world including.Our ownJason.Raising.Jason has been imprisoned and Tehran heard nothingmore than write about the hopes and fears of Iranand people.During their stories to the readers of theWashington Post in an effort to bridge our common humanity.As was already mentioned Jason's brother Ali is here tonightand I have told him personally we will not restuntil we bring him home.Whose family sick so.He'sjournalists and so many others do their work is morethan just profession.But as a public good.An indispensablepillar of our society.Are giving the toast of raiseyour glass to them and all of you.The wordsof the American foreign correspondent north of Toms.It isnow the fact of liberty.But the way in whichliberty is exercise that ultimately determines.Whether liberty itself survives.Thank you through devotion exercising our liberty and the tellingour American story god bless you.God bless the UnitedStates of America.

第四篇：奥巴马在2012年白宫记者协会晚宴的演讲

奥巴马在2012年白宫记者协会晚宴的演讲

Remarks by the President at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner

Washington Hilton Hotel

April 29, 2012 Thank you.(Applause.)Good evening, everybody.Good evening.I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight--(laughter)--at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.This is great crowd.They’re already laughing.It’s terrific.Chuck Todd--love you, brother.(Laughter.)I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here.(Laughter.)And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man.(Laughter.)What’s so funny? My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary.Last year at this time--in fact, on this very weekend--we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.(Applause.)Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season.And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to reintroduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas.My father was born in Kenya.And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.(Laughter and applause.)In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges.Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush.(Laughter.)Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences;yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots.And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.(Laughter.)Let’s give them a big round of applause.(Applause.)Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office.Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton.Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.(Laughter.)

Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider.Four years later, I’m at this dinner.Four years ago, I looked like this.Today, I look like this.(Laughter.)And four years from now, I will look like this.(Laughter and applause.)That’s not even funny.(Laughter.)Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom--or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.(Laughter and applause.)I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment.I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference.(Laughter.)Unbelievable.Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.(Laughter.)Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C.--a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.(Laughter.)Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel--(applause)--who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic--people who fall asleep during Nightline.(Laughter.)Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.(Laughter and applause.)

And plenty of journalists are here tonight.I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize.(Applause.)You deserve it, Arianna.There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day.(Laughter and applause.)Give them a round of applause.And you don’t pay them--it's a great business model.(Laughter.)

Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show--which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.(Laughter and applause.)A little soy sauce.(Laughter.)Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.(Laughter.)Newt, there's still time, man.(Laughter.)But I'm not going to do that--I'm not going to attack any of the Republican candidates.Take Mitt Romney--he and I actually have a lot in common.We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.(Laughter.)We also both have degrees from Harvard;I have one, he has two.What a snob.(Laughter and applause.)

Of course, we've also had our differences.Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show.(Laughter.)Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games--some of you have seen it.It's a movie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing.I'm sure this was a really good change of pace for him.(Laughter.)I have not seen The Hunger Games;not enough class warfare for me.(Laughter.)

Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, and thankfully, we've all agreed that families are off limits.Dogs, however, are apparently fair game.(Laughter.)And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly, I think crossed the line.I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do, but can we show the ad real quick?(Video is played.)(Applause.)That’s pretty rough--(laughter)--but I can take it, because my stepfather always told me, it's a boy-eat-dog world out there.(Laughter.)

Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the--(applause)--let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friends on the right who think I'm planning to unleash some secret agenda: You're absolutely right.(Laughter.)So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obama administration.In my first term, I sang Al Green;in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy.(Laughter.)Michelle said, yeah.(Laughter.)I sing that to her sometimes.(Laughter.)In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq;in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.(Laughter.)In my first term, we repealed the policy known as “don't ask, don't tell”--(applause)--wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, it's raining men.(Laughter.)In my first term, we passed health care reform;in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.(Applause.)

I do want to end tonight on a slightly more serious note--whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also inherit traditions that make us greater than the challenges we face.And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that isn't afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin--(applause)--who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time.So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harm's way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do.I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time--and I certainly like to return the favor--(laughter)--but I never forget that our country depends on you.You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.And just to set the record straight, I really do enjoy attending these dinners.In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.(Laughter.)

Thank you very much, everybody.Thank you.(Applause.)

第五篇：奥巴马的白宫开斋晚宴讲稿（模版）

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary

August 13, 2010

REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT

AT IFTAR DINNER

State Dining Room

8:37 P.M.EDT

THE PRESIDENT:Good evening, everybody.Welcome.Please, have a seat.Well, welcome to the White House.To you, to Muslim Americans across our country, and to more than one billion Muslims around the world, I extend my best wishes on this holy month.Ramadan Kareem.I want to welcome members of the diplomatic corps;members of my administration;and members of Congress, including Rush Holt, John Conyers, and Andre Carson, who is one of two Muslim American members of Congress, along with Keith Ellison.So welcome, all of you.Here at the White House, we have a tradition of hosting iftars that goes back several years, just as we host Christmas parties and seders and Diwali celebrations.And these events celebrate the role of faith in the lives of the American people.They remind us of the basic truth that we are all children of God, and we all draw strength and a sense of purpose from our beliefs.These events are also an affirmation of who we are as Americans.Our Founders understood that the best way to honor the place of faith in the lives of our people was to protect their freedom to practice religion.In the Virginia Act of Establishing Religion Freedom, Thomas Jefferson wrote that ―all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of religion.‖The First Amendment of our Constitution established the freedom of religion as the law of the land.And that right has been upheld ever since.Indeed, over the course of our history, religion has flourished within our borders precisely because Americans have had the right to worship as they choose — including the right to believe in no religion at all.And it is a testament to the wisdom of our Founders that America remains deeply religious — a nation where the ability of peoples of different faiths to coexist peacefully and with mutual respect for one another stands in stark contrast to the religious conflict that persists elsewhere around the globe.Now, that's not to say that religion is without controversy.Recently, attention has been focused on the construction of mosques in certain communities — particularly New York.Now, we must all recognize and respect the sensitivities surrounding the development of Lower Manhattan.The 9/11 attacks were a deeply traumatic event for our country.And the pain and the experience of suffering by those who lost loved ones is just unimaginable.So I understand the emotions that this issue engenders.And Ground Zero is, indeed, hallowed ground.But let me be clear.As a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country.(Applause.)And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances.This is America.And our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakeable.The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country and that they will not be treated differently by their government is essential to who we are.The writ of the Founders must endure.We must never forget those who we lost so tragically on 9/11, and we must always honor those who led the response to that attack — from the firefighters who charged up smoke-filled staircases, to our troops who are serving in Afghanistan today.And let us also remember who we’re fighting against, and what we’re fighting for.Our enemies respect no religious

freedom.Al Qaeda’s cause is not Islam — it’s a gross distortion of Islam.These are not religious leaders — they’re terrorists who murder innocent men and women and children.In fact, al Qaeda has killed more Muslims than people of any other religion — and that list of victims includes innocent Muslims who were killed on 9/11.So that's who we’re fighting against.And the reason that we will win this fight is not simply the strength of our arms — it is the strength of our values.The democracy that we uphold.The freedoms that we cherish.The laws that we apply without regard to race, or religion, or wealth, or status.Our capacity to show not merely tolerance, but respect towards those who are different from us –-and that way of life, that quintessentially American creed, stands in stark contrast to the nihilism of those who attacked us on that September morning, and who continue to plot against us today.In my inaugural address I said that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness.We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers.We are shaped by every language and every culture, drawn from every end of this Earth.And that diversity can bring difficult debates.This is not unique to our time.Past eras have seen controversies about the construction of synagogues or Catholic churches.But time and again, the American people have demonstrated that we can work through these issues, and stay true to our core values, and emerge stronger for it.So it must be — and will be — today.And tonight, we are reminded that Ramadan is a celebration of a faith known for great diversity.And Ramadan is a reminder that Islam has always been a part of America.The first Muslim ambassador to the United States, from Tunisia, was hosted by President Jefferson, who arranged a sunset dinner for his guest because it was Ramadan — making it the first known iftar at the White House, more than 200 years ago.(Applause.)

Like so many other immigrants, generations of Muslims came to forge their future here.They became farmers and merchants, worked in mills and factories.They helped lay the railroads.They helped to build America.They founded the first Islamic center in New York City in the 1890s.They built America’s first mosque on the prairie of North Dakota.And perhaps the oldest surviving mosque in America — still in use today — is in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.Today, our nation is strengthened by millions of Muslim Americans.They excel in every walk of life.Muslim American communities — including mosques in all 50 states — also serve their neighbors.Muslim Americans protect our communities as police officers and firefighters and first responders.Muslim American clerics have spoken out against terror and extremism, reaffirming that Islam teaches that one must save human life, not take it.And Muslim Americans serve with honor in our military.At next week’s iftar at the Pentagon, tribute will be paid to three soldiers who gave their lives in Iraq and now rest among the heroes of Arlington National Cemetery.These Muslim Americans died for the security that we depend on, and the freedoms that we cherish.They are part of an unbroken line of Americans that stretches back to our founding;Americans of all faiths who have served and sacrificed to extend the promise of America to new generations, and to ensure that what is exceptional about America is protected — our commitment to stay true to our core values, and our ability slowly but surely to perfect our union.For in the end, we remain ―one nation, under God, indivisible.‖And we can only achieve ―liberty and justice for all‖ if we live by that one rule at the heart of every great religion, including Islam — that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us.So thank you all for being here.I wish you a blessed Ramadan.And with that, let us eat.(Applause.)

各位晚上好，各位请坐，欢迎大家来到白宫。值此伊斯兰神圣的斋月，我谨向在座的各位、向我们国家的全体穆斯林，以及向全世界10多亿穆斯林同胞送上我最美好的祝福——Ramadan kareem（斋月吉庆）。

我要感谢各位莅会的外交使节，以及本届政府成员和各位国会议员。包括拉什·霍尔特（Rush Holt），约翰·科尼尔斯（John Conyers），还有两位国会议员穆斯林安德烈·卡森（Andre Carson）和基斯·埃利森（Keith Ellison）。欢迎你们。

正如我们在这里举办圣诞聚会（基督教）、逾越节家宴（犹太教）和排灯节（印度教）庆祝活动的传统一样，在这白宫里我们举办穆斯林开斋晚宴的传统已经保持了数年之久。这些庆祝活动，在美国人民的生活当中扮演着信仰的角色，它时刻在提醒我们：我们都是上帝的子民，我们都是通过信仰来汲取力量与意志的支撑。

这些传统亦是对于我们美国人民的一种肯定，我们的先辈们意识到对待人民的信仰生活这一块，最好的方式就是竭力保护他们宗教信仰的自由。关于起草《弗吉尼亚宗教自由法》里边，托马斯·杰斐逊写道:“所有人应有对宗教事务表白、和据理力争保持他们的意见的自由。”《美国宪法第一修正案》将宗教自由作为一项国家律法收录在内，这项权利已经保留并且延续至今。

确实，在我们历史的长河中，正是由于美国给予了人民充分的宗教自由的权利，宗教在美国境内一度呈现出蓬勃发展的趋势。也包括无宗教信仰的自由。不同信仰的人们在这块土地上和平共存。

但这并不意味着宗教是没有争议的。最近的一段时间里，人们的目光聚焦在一些社区修建清真寺的问题上，特别是在纽约。现在，我们必须要承认并且需要关注有关曼哈顿低地的一些敏感话题。9/11事件的确是我们国家一个巨大的创伤，它给那些在事件中丧失亲人的人们带来的伤痛是无法想象的。所以，我理解并且包容人们因此而流露出的情绪，事实上，“归零地”（9/11之后美国人将这里称为Ground zero归零地）也是一片神圣的土地。

但是，请允许我说两句，作为一个公民，一个总统，我相信穆斯林跟这个国家里的任何公民一样，他们同样有权利去信奉他们所信仰的宗教（掌声）。这些权利包括遵照当地法律法规，他们有权在曼哈顿任何私有地方修建敬拜场所和社区中心。这——就是美国，我们对宗教自由的承诺是坚定不移、恒古不变的。我们欢迎任何不同信仰的人来到美国，他们绝对不会因为持不同信仰而被政府另眼相待，这——就是我们的原则，它代表着一个真实的美国，我们将会延着先辈的道路继续坚定地走下去。

我们永远不会忘记那些在9/11惨剧中逝去的人们，我们向那些曾经应对此次事件而做出牺牲的人们永远表示敬意；向那些冲锋在浓烟弥漫的楼梯间的消防员们表示敬意；向那些今天战斗在阿富汗前线的士兵们表示敬意。还有，让我们不要忘记我们与之战斗的敌手是谁，我们为何而战。我们的敌人不尊重宗教自由，基地组织的事业不是真正的伊斯兰，它已经被严重的扭曲和异化，他们也不是什么宗教领袖，他们只是一群杀害无辜的恐怖分子。事实上，基地组织所杀害的穆斯林是其他任何宗教所不及的，也包括在9/11事件中丧失生命的穆斯林。

所以，他们才是我们的敌人，我们要想赢得这场战争不仅仅是依靠我们军事装备的力量，还需要依靠我们价值观的力量。依靠的是我们所坚持的民主，还有我们珍视的自由，以及不分种族、不分信仰、不分贫富、不分地位，一律一视同仁的律法。

我曾经在我的就职演说中说过，我们的多元化遗产是一个优势，而不是弱势。美国是由基督徒与穆斯林、犹太教徒与印度教徒还有无神论者共同组成的一个国家。它吸收了各种语言和文化，是由来自于世界上每一个角落的语言和文化塑造而成的，而这种文化上的多样性难免会产生一些摩擦。这个问题不是我们这个时代所独有的，在过去的这段历史上，曾经也就修建犹太教堂和天主教堂而同样产生过诸多的争议。但是，美国人一次又一次的证明了，我们是能够解决这些问题的。保证我们的核心价值观的同时，我们在解决这些问题上表现的游刃有余。所以，今天我们同样能够解决它，一定能！

今天晚上，我们应该注意的是莱麦丹是一个拥有多样性的宗教的信仰庆典，它提醒我们伊斯兰从来都是属于美国文明的一部分。曾经在莱麦丹月，第一位突尼斯驻美利坚的穆斯林大使被杰佛逊总统作为贵客而款待，成为200年来首次在白宫举办的开斋晚宴。（掌声）

像其他许许多多的移民一样，穆斯林的后代们来到这里追求他们的未来，他们有的成为了农民，有的成为了商人。他们帮助我们建设铁路，为建设美国而添砖加瓦。在1980年，他们在纽约成立了第一个伊斯兰中心，并在北达科他州的大草原上建成了美国的第一座清真寺。美国现存最古老的，如今依旧在使用的清真寺应该是在赛大拉皮兹城的罗瓦清真寺。

今天，我们的国家因为数百万擅长于各行各业的穆斯林而更加繁荣昌盛。美国穆斯林共同体——包括全美50个州的清真寺同样也在为他们的邻居而服务着。美国的穆斯林警察，穆斯林消防员，穆斯林的积极响应者们忠实的守

卫着我们的社区。美国穆斯林教职人员言之凿凿的斥责恐怖主义与极端主义，一再强调伊斯兰倡导拯救生命，而不是剥夺生命。还有那些在军中服役的美国穆斯林军人们。下个星期在五角大楼举办的开斋晚宴上，我们将会授予三名军人以勋章，他们在伊拉克献出了宝贵的生命，如今安息在阿灵顿国家公墓的英雄们中间。

他们是为我们所崇尚的自由而亡，为我们所依赖的安全而亡。他们属于美国上溯到建国之初，永不间断的纽带的一部分。

最后，我们始终坚持“一个国家，上帝庇护下的，永不分割的”原则。

感谢大家莅临，祝福各位斋月吉庆，那么，让我们开始用餐吧。（掌声）