TED2013 Meg Jay20岁,不可挥霍的光阴（大全）

第一篇：TED2013 Meg Jay20岁,不可挥霍的光阴（大全）

20岁,不可挥霍的光阴

我20多岁的时候，见了我第一位心理诊疗的客户，那时我是伯克利大学临床心理学的博士生。一名26岁的女士，名叫亚历克斯，第一次诊聊时，亚历克斯穿着牛仔裤和宽大松垮的上衣走进我的办公室，一屁股坐在沙发上，剃掉她的平底鞋，然后告诉我她要谈谈男人问题。听到这，我大松一口气，我同学的第一个客户是个纵火犯，而我的是个20多岁的姑娘要聊男人问题，我想这我肯定应付得了，但是我没有。对于亚历克斯带来的有趣的故事，我所用的缓兵之计很简单，便是点头应和。亚历克斯说“30岁时一个新的20岁”，就那时我所认为的，她是对的。之后会有工作，会有婚姻，再有了儿女，最后是死亡。像我和亚历克斯这样的20多岁的人，有的是时间。但没过多久，我的导师催促我，让她认真考虑她的感情生活，我拒绝了。我说：“没错，她的对象很差劲，她在和一个傻瓜交往，可是没有迹象她要嫁给她。”然后我导师说：“她不嫁给这个但可能嫁给下个（傻瓜）。再说，给亚历克斯有帮助的建议的最好时机是在她结婚之前。”那就是心理学家所谓的“顿悟”时刻。那一刻我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。

没错，现在人们结婚的年龄比以前大一些，但这并没有使亚历克斯的20岁成为发展的搁浅期，这使亚历克斯的20岁成为发展的关键时期，而我们却在挥霍它。那一刻我意识到这种善意的忽视是个严重的问题，而且是有后果，不仅对亚历克斯和她的感情生活，而是对所有处在20多岁年龄的人的事业、家庭及未来。

现在，美国有五千万20多岁的人，我们在讨论总人口的15%，或者你这样想，所有的人都要经历过他们的20岁才能进入成年。我专长于20多岁的青年是因为我相信这五千万20多岁的人都应该知道心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事。20岁对于你来说，是你能对你的感情、幸福，甚至这个世界能做的最简单但最有影响力的事之一。

这不是我的观点，这是事实。我们知道人生80%的决定性时刻发生在35岁，这意味着十分之八的能够决定你人生的决定、经历和那些“顿悟”时刻出现在30岁中旬，40多岁的人，无需惊慌，我认为，你们没问题的。事业前十年发展，对今后的收入影响，有很大的影响，我们知道，一半以上的美国人在30岁的时候结婚或是在和他们今后的伴侣同居或交往。我们知道大脑在你20多岁时结束第二次也是最后一次发育高峰，然后它开启成年人的模式，这意味着，不管你想改变你自己的什么，现在就是时候。

我们知道20多岁时性格的改变要远远多于别的时期，我们还知道女性的生育能力在28岁时达到高峰，在35岁之后会变得棘手。所以20多岁就是培养自己的时候，对于自己的健康和今后的选择。

当我们想到儿童的发展，我们都知道前五年是脑部语言区和大脑中其它部分发育的关键时期，那段日子看似平常普通，却对你以后的成长有深远的影响。但是我们对成年时期的发展知道的却很少，而20多岁时成年发展的关键时期。但是很少有人告诉20多岁的人这些话。报纸说20多岁时成年的过渡期，研究人员说20多岁时青春的延长期，记者为20多岁的人起的外号是“夹在中间者”和“成年孩子”。这是真的，我们已经习惯忽视了成年期中这个具有决定性的十年。伦纳德·伯恩斯坦说想要有大成就，你需要一个计划和很少的时间。说得很对！你想想，如果你拍着一个20多岁的年轻人的脑袋说：“你还有十年的时间开始你的生活”，会发生什么？什么也不会发生。你已经偷走了他的紧迫感和雄心，所以当然的什么也不会发生了。日复一日，像你或者你们的儿子和女儿一样，聪明、有趣的20多岁的人来我的办公室，说这些话：“我知道我男朋友不适合我，但是这段感情不作数，我只是在消磨时间”，或者说“每个人都说只要我能在三十岁的时候开始我的事业，就没问题”。渐渐地，开始变成这样：“我都快30岁了，我没有什么拿得出手的，我大学毕业时候的简历比现在都好”。再后来变成这样：“20多岁的时候谈恋爱就像玩抢椅子，每个人都东奔西跑的玩乐，但是在30岁左右时音乐停止了，每个人都开始坐下，我不想只有我站着，所以有时候我想我嫁给我丈夫是因为他是我30岁时离我最近的椅子。”

很多人在不得不面临他们的三十岁时，会有巨大的压力，从而迅速开始一个事业，选一个城市，结婚，然后在很短的一段时间内有两个或三个孩子。这些事很多是互不相容的，并且研究开始表明，在30多岁的时候一下子都完成这些是很困难、压力很大的。千禧年后的中年危机不是买一台红色跑车，是意识到你不能拥有你现在想要的事业，是意识到你不能拥有你现在想要的孩子，或是不能给你的孩子一个姐妹。大多30多岁的人和40多岁的人，看着他们自己，看着坐在房间另一端的我，回忆他们的20多岁“我那会在做什么？我那会在想什么？”

我想改变20多岁人的所做和所想，我举个例子，关于一个名叫艾玛的女人的故事。艾玛在她25岁时来到我的诊疗室，因为她有，用她的话讲，身份认同危机。她说她原以为她会在艺术界或是娱乐界工作，但是她还没想好，所以她做了几年的服务生，为了省些钱，她和她的脾气比志向大的男朋友住在一起，即便她20多岁的时候那么辛苦，但是她小时候的生活更艰辛。在诊疗过程中她常常哭，但最后悔安慰自己说：“你不能选择你的家人，但你可以选择你的朋友。”

有一天，艾玛来到我的诊疗室，把头埋在膝盖里，哭了差不多一个小时，她刚买了一本新的通讯簿，早上的时候她在填写通讯信息，但是她盯着那片空白，上面写着“如果遇到紧急情况，请联系„„”愣住了。她看着我，几乎歇斯底里说：“如果我发生了交通意外，会有谁帮我？如果我得了癌症会有谁照顾我？”那一刻我努力地忍住，没有说：“我会。”但是艾玛需要的不是一个非常非常关心她的心理医生，艾玛需要一个更好的生活，而我知道她时机到了。

从亚历克斯起，只是坐在听着艾玛定义她的十年时光流逝，我已经听太多了，所以在接下来的几周和几月里，我告诉艾玛三件事，这三件事是所有的20多岁的人，男人或是女人都应该知道的。首先，我告诉艾玛忘掉身份认同危机，获得一些身份资本，获得身份资本，我指的是去做一些可以增加你自身价值的事，对你以后想成为什么样的人投资。我并不知道艾玛未来的事业，没人知道以后的工作，但是我知道：身份资本会成为身份的资本，因此，现在正是开始那个横跨全国的工作的时候。正是时候开始实习，开始你做想做的事。我并不是在说20岁的探索冒险，我是在劝诫你们不要做无谓的探索，那不是探索，那是拖延。我告诉艾玛，开始工作，并使它有意义，第二，我告诉艾玛不要坐井观天，好朋友是可以载你一程去机场，但是20多岁的人如果只和想法相同的同龄人交往，限制了他们的交际圈、他们所知、所讲、所想和他们的工作地点。新的资本、新的恋爱对象几乎都是来自圈子外的，新事物来自于我们所谓的弱连接，我们朋友的朋友的朋友。所以的确，20多岁的人有一班没有工作或是面临失业，但另外一半有工作，而通过那些不那么直接的关系，就是你进入那个群体的途径。有一半的新工作是没有招聘信息的，所以去问你邻居的老板是你得到那个没有招聘信息的工作的方法。这不是走后门，信息就是这样传播的。最后，艾玛认为你不能选择你的家人，但你可以选择你的朋友，在她小时候是这样的，但是作为一个20多岁的人，很快地，需要在创建自己的家庭时选择她的家人，我告诉艾玛现在就是选择你家人的时候。现在你可能认为在30岁时安定下来要比20岁甚至25岁更可靠，我同意，但是随便抓一个你正在交往或是同居或是社交网络上的人走进婚姻的殿堂是行不通的。经营婚姻的最好时期是在你结婚前，这就意味着选择爱情要像选择工作一样的积极，选择你的家人就是要理智地选择你想要和谁过什么样的生活，而不是为了应付和消磨时间，才和一个正好选了你的人在一起。

艾玛后来怎么样了呢？我们查看了那本通讯薄她找到一个前室友的表亲，这个人在另一个州的一家艺术博物馆工作，她通过这个关系在那找到了一份工作，这份工作给了她一个离开那时男友的理由。五年过去了，她现在是博物馆特殊活动的策划者，她谨慎地选择了她的丈夫，她热爱她的新事业，爱她的新家庭，在她寄给我的卡片上，她说：“现在那个空白的紧急情况联系栏没那么可怕了。”

艾玛的故事听起来简单，但这是我喜欢和20多岁的人一起工作的原因，帮助他们很容易，20多岁的人们就像是一架刚从洛杉矶国际机场起航的飞机，向西飞去，刚起飞时，航道上一个小小的改变导致目的地的不同，有如阿拉斯加和斐济之间的差别。同样的，在21岁或25岁甚至是29岁时，一次好的谈话，一个好的假期，一个好的TED演讲，会在今后的岁月，甚至对以后的几代人中产生不可估量的作用。这是值得告诉每一个你所认识的20多岁的人的事，就像我学会告诉亚历克斯一样简单，也是我现在每天都会对象艾玛一样的20多岁的人说的话：“30岁不是一个新的20岁，所以认清你的成年期，获得一些身份资本，利用你的不那么直接的关系（弱连接），选择你的家人，不要被你不知道的或是没有做过的事所限制，生活的决定权在你”

第二篇：二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴

二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴（中英字幕）

Meg Jay Ted英语演讲：

kira86 于2013-06-09 20岁，不可挥霍的光阴。在这个点击过百万的TED演讲中，心理咨询师Meg Jay说不能因为婚姻、工作和子女是以后的事情，现在就可以无规划的生活。她提供三条建议帮助20多岁的年轻人重新审视自己的生活，不要做后悔的决定。

为什么要听她演讲

近期观点认为，25岁似乎太过年轻，无法做重大决定。临床心理学家Meg Jay藉由心理学实务和著作《20世代，你的人生是不是卡住了》阐述，许多二十世代深陷《时代》杂志所谓「我我我世代」的迷思和误导中。她认为「三十世代是新二十世代」的说法使人们轻忽成年阶段最具可塑性的时光。

撷取十余年来与数百名二十世代个案及学生咨商的经验，Jay将科学融入一段段引人入胜、不为人知的故事中。精彩、生动的故事发展，显示为何二十世代并非发展停滞期，而是仅此一次的发展高峰。二十世代是个关键期，我们所做之事－及未做之事－对未来人生、甚至后代都将产生巨大影响。

Meg Jay：二十几岁，不可挥霍的光阴 英语演讲稿：

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client.I was a Ph.D.student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems.Now when I heard this, I was so relieved.My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.(Laughter)And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys.This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it.With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road.“Thirty's the new 20,” Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right.Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later.Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life.I pushed back.I said, “Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy.”

And then my supervisor said, “Not yet, but she might marry the next one.Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one.”

That's what psychologists call an “Aha!” moment.That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20.Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime.That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it.That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now.We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.I really want to see some twentysomethings here.Oh, yay!Y'all's awesome.If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay.Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.This is not my opinion.These are the facts.We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35.That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and “Aha!” moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s.People who are over 40, don't panic.This crowd is going to be fine, I think.We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn.We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30.We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it.We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35.So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain.It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become.But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood.Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence.Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like “twixters” and “kidults.” It's true.As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time.Isn't that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, “You have 10 extra years to start your life”? Nothing happens.You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: “I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count.I'm just killing time.” Or they say, “Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine.”

But then it starts to sound like this: “My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself.I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college.”

And then it starts to sound like this: “Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down.I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.”

Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high.When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car.It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling.Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, “What was I doing? What was I thinking?”

I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go.It's a story about a woman named Emma.At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition.And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder.She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, “You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.”

Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour.She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words “In case of emergency, please call....” She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, “Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?”

Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, “I will.” But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared.Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital.By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are.Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next.I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration.That's procrastination.I told Emma to explore work and make it count.Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work.That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends.So yes, half of twentysomethings are un-or under-employed.But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group.Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job.It's not cheating.It's the science of how information spreads.Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own.I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you.But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state.That weak tie helped her get a job there.That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend.Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums.She's married to a man she mindfully chose.She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, “Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough.”

Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings.They are so easy to help.Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west.Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know.It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex.It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family.Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.You're deciding your life right now.Thank you.(Applause)

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第三篇：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴演讲稿

这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多ted粉丝的讨论，来自tedx组织团队的davidwebber就说：meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。”30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。当时我是berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。我的第一位顾客是名叫alex的女性，26岁。第一次见面alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。我觉得我可以搞定。但是我没有搞定。

alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。”没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。但修复alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。”

这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。更晚安定下来，应该使alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。我专门研究20多岁的人，因为我坚信这五千万的20多岁的人，每一个人都应该去了解那些心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事实：你的20多岁是极简单，却极具变化的时期之一。你20多岁的时光决定了你的事业、爱情、幸福甚至整个世界。

这不是我的看法。这些是事实。我们知道80%决定你生活的时刻发生在35岁之前。这就意味着你生活的重要决定、经历和突然的领悟，有八成是在你30多岁之前发生的。那些超过40岁的朋友不要惊慌，我想这群人会没事的。

我们知道职业生涯的前XX年，对你将来的收入有重大影响。我们知道到了30岁的时候，超过半数的美国人会结婚，或者和未来的另一半同居或者约会。我们知道人在20多岁的时候，大脑停止第二次也是最后一次重组，以适应成年世界的快速发育阶段。这就意味着不管你想怎样改变自己，现在是时间改变了。

我们知道在20多岁的时候，性格的改变多于生命中任何时期。我们也知道女性的最佳生育时期，在28岁的时候达到顶峰，35岁之后生育变得困难。所以你的20多岁正是了解你自身和选择的时期。

当我们想到孩童的成长时，我们都知道1—5岁，是大脑学习语言和感知的重要时期。这个时期，日常的普通生活，都会对你的未来道路影响巨大。但是我们却很少听到成年发展期，而我们的20多岁正是成年发展期的关键。

但是20多岁的人却听不到这些，报纸讨论的只是成年年龄界线的变更。研究者称20多岁是延长的青春期。记者就引用傻傻的外号称呼20多岁的人，比如“twixters”（twenty—mixters）和“kidults”（kid—adults）。这是真的。作为一种文化，我们的忽视的正是对成年起到决定性作用的十年（从20岁到30岁）。

雷昂纳德·伯恩斯坦说过：要想取得成就，你需要一个计划和紧迫的时间。这是大实话啊！所以当你拍着一个20多岁的人的脑袋，跟他说，“你有额外的XX年去开始你的生活”，你觉得这改变了什么？什么都没改变。你只是夺走了那个人的紧迫感和雄心壮志，绝对没有改变什么。

然后每天，那些聪明有趣的20多岁的人，就像你们和你们的儿子女儿一样，走入我的办公室开始说：“我知道我的男朋友对我不够好，但是我们的关系不算数。我只是在消磨时光而已。”或者说“每个人都告诉我，只要能在30岁的时候开始我的事业，这就足够了。”

但是实际听上去却是：“我马上就要三十了，却根本就没有东西展示。我只是在大学毕业时，有过一份最漂亮的简历。”或是这样：“我20多岁时的约会，就像找凳子。每个人都绕着凳子跑，随便玩一玩，但是快30的时候，就像音乐停止了，所有人开始坐下。我不想成为那唯一站着的人，所以有时候我会想我和我丈夫之所以会结婚，是因为在我30岁的时候，他是当时离我最近的那张凳子。”

20多岁的人呐，千万不要这样做。这个做法听起来有点轻率，但是不要犯错，因为风险很高。当很多事都被挤到你30多岁的时候，就会有巨大压力，在很短的时间内快速启动一项事业，挑一个城市，找到伴侣，生两三个孩子。这些事大多是不能同时完成的，正如研究表明，在30岁的时候，要想工作、生活一步到位，难度很高，压力很大。

千禧年后的中年危机并不是一辆红色跑车。而是意识到你不能拥有你想拥有的事业，意识到你不能拥有你想要的孩子，或者给你的孩子添个兄弟姐妹。太多30多岁40多岁的人，看看他们自己，看看我，坐在屋子里谈论自己的20多岁，“我当时都干么了？我当时都想啥了？”我想改变现在20多岁人的所思所为。

这里我想讲个故事说明问题。这个故事是关于名叫emma一个女人。她25岁的时候，走入我的办公室，因为用她自己的话说，她有自我认识危机。她说她也许想从事关于艺术或者娱乐的工作，但是她还没决定。所以取而代之的是，她花了过去几年的时间当服务员。为了减少开销，她和她的，一个脾气暴躁而无志向的人。

正如她悲惨的20多岁，她早年的生活更加悲惨。她经常在谈话过程中哭泣，努力镇定下来后说“你没办法选择你的家庭，但是你可以选择你的朋友。”有一天，emma走进来，她双手抱头于膝盖，然后抽泣了几乎一个小时。她刚买了一个新的通讯录本子，然后花了一整个早上的时间，填写她的联系人信息。当她填到“万一发生紧急情况，请联系…”的时候，她没有任何人可填。

她几乎崩溃地看着我并说，“如果我被车撞了，谁会在那里？假如我得癌症了，谁会在那里？”在那种情况下，我花了好大力气才忍住说“我会。”emma所需要的，并不是理疗师所真正关心的。她需要一个更好的生活，我知道这是她的机会。自alex开始，我从这份工作上学到了很多，不能只是坐在那里看着emma十年黄金定型期白白消逝。所以接下去的几个星期几个月，我告诉emma三件事，所有20多岁的男生女生都值得听一听。

首先，我告诉emma忘掉她的自我认识危机，去获得一些身份认定的资本。

身份资本是指做增加自我价值的事。为自己下一步想成为的样子，做一些事一些投资。我不知道emma的工作将来是什么样的，也没人知道将来的工作是什么样的，但是我知道：身份资本会创造出更多身份资本。

现在是时候去尝试你想要的海外工作、实习或者新起点。我不是轻视20多岁的自我探索，而是轻视那些随便玩玩无所谓的探索，或者从某种意义上说那不是探索。那是拖沓！我告诉emma去探索工作，让她的探索有所回报。

第二，我告诉emma不要高估自己的朋友圈。

好朋友会载你去机场，而和“志同道合的朋友”瞎混的20多岁的人，他们的交际圈、知识面、思维方式、说话方式和工作层面都被限制住了。新的资本或者新的约会对象，往往是从内部交际圈之外来的。新的事情来自我们所谓的“远的关系”，我们朋友的朋友的朋友。

没错，半数20多岁的人，处在失业和半失业的状态。但是另外一半的人却不是这样的，“远的关系”正是你融入一个新的群体的纽带。有半数的新工作从来不公示出来，所以联络你邻居的老板，是你找到那些未公示工作的方式。这不叫作弊，这是信息传播的科学方式。

最后一点也很重要，emma相信你无法选择你的家庭，但是你可以选择你的朋友。可这只是她成长时期的状况。

作为一个20多岁的人，emma很快会与某人为伴组建她自己的新家庭。我告诉emma现在就是你选择你家庭的时候。现在你也许会想相比于20岁，25岁或30岁时组建家庭会更好。我同意你的看法。但是当你facebook上的朋友，都开始步入婚姻殿堂时，你随便抓一个人一起生活、睡觉，绝对不是组建家庭的过程。

经营你婚姻的最佳时间，是你还没结婚的时候，这意味要像你为了工作一样精心谋划。选择你的家庭，是有意识地去选择你想要的人和事，而不是为了结婚或者消磨时光，任意选择一个正好选择你的人。

emma发生了什么变化呢？

我们翻了一遍通讯录，她发现她原来的舍友的表妹，在另一个州的一家艺术博物馆工作。这层远关系帮助她在那里得到一份工作。这份工作给她一个理由离开她那同居的男友。现在五年过去了，她是一名博物馆特别活动策划者。她和一个她用心选择的男人结婚了。她爱她的事业，她爱她的新家，她寄给我一张贺卡写道，“现在紧急联系栏似乎不够填呢。”

emma的故事听起来简单，这正是为什么我爱和20多岁人打交道。帮助20多岁的人很容易。20多岁就像离开洛杉矶飞往西部某处的飞机，起飞之后，一点小小变化，都会影响到它最终将降落在阿拉斯加还是斐济。

同理，在你21岁，25岁甚至29岁的时候，一次好的谈话、好的休息、好的ted演讲，能在未来的几年甚至几代人的时间里，带来巨大的影响。因此这个想法值得传达给每一个你所认识的20多岁人。这想法就像我后来告诉alex的话一样简单。

我每天都对像emma这样的20多岁的人说：30岁不是一个新的20岁，所以规划好你的成年生活，获得一些身份认同资本，利用你的远关系，选择你的家庭。不要被你所不知道的，从未做过的事所禁锢。你现在的作为决定着你的人生。

第四篇：青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴

这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。我觉得我可以搞定。但是我没有搞定。Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。Alex说：30岁是一个新的20岁。没错，我告诉她你是对的。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。而我的导师说：不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。

这就是心理学家说的顿悟时刻。正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。我专门研究20多岁的人，因为我坚信这五千万的20多岁的人，每一个人都应该去了解那些心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事实：你的20多岁是极简单，却极具变化的时期之一。你20多岁的时光决定了你的事业、爱情、幸福甚至整个世界。

这不是我的看法。这些是事实。我们知道80%决定你生活的时刻发生在35岁之前。这就意味着你生活的重要决定、经历和突然的领悟，有八成是在你30多岁之前发生的。那些超过40岁的朋友不要惊慌，我想这群人会没事的。

我们知道职业生涯的前10年，对你将来的收入有重大影响。我们知道到了30岁的时候，超过半数的美国人会结婚，或者和未来的另一半同居或者约会。我们知道人在20多岁的时候，大脑停止第二次也是最后一次重组，以适应成年世界的快速发育阶段。这就意味着不管你想怎样改变自己，现在是时间改变了。我们知道在20多岁的时候，性格的改变多于生命中任何时期。我们也知道女性的最佳生育时期，在28岁的时候达到顶峰，35岁之后生育变得困难。所以你的20多岁正是了解你自身和选择的时期。

当我们想到孩童的成长时，我们都知道1-5岁，是大脑学习语言和感知的重要时期。这个时期，日常的普通生活，都会对你的未来道路影响巨大。但是我们却很少听到成年发展期，而我们的20多岁正是成年发展期的关键。

但是20多岁的人却听不到这些，报纸讨论的只是成年年龄界线的变更。研究者称20多岁是延长的青春期。记者就引用傻傻的外号称呼20多岁的人，比如twixters(twenty-mixters)和kidults(kid-adults)。这是真的。作为一种文化，我们的忽视的正是对成年起到决定性作用的十年(从20岁到30岁)。雷昂纳德·伯恩斯坦说过：要想取得成就，你需要一个计划和紧迫的时间。这是大实话啊!所以当你拍着一个20多岁的人的脑袋，跟他说，你有额外的10年去开始你的生活，你觉得这改变了什么?什么都没改变。你只是夺走了那个人的紧迫感和雄心壮志，绝对没有改变什么。

然后每天，那些聪明有趣的20多岁的人，就像你们和你们的儿子女儿一样，走入我的办公室开始说：我知道我的男朋友对我不够好，但是我们的关系不算数。我只是在消磨时光而已。或者说每个人都告诉我，只要能在30岁的时候开始我的事业，这就足够了。

但是实际听上去却是：我马上就要三十了，却根本就没有东西展示。我只是在大学毕业时，有

过一份最漂亮的简历。或是这样：我20多岁时的约会，就像找凳子。每个人都绕着凳子跑，随便玩一玩，但是快30的时候，就像音乐停止了，所有人开始坐下。我不想成为那唯一站着的人，所以有时候我会想我和我丈夫之所以会结婚，是因为在我30岁的时候，他是当时离我最近的那张凳子。

20多岁的人呐，千万不要这样做。这个做法听起来有点轻率，但是不要犯错，因为风险很高。当很多事都被挤到你30多岁的时候，就会有巨大压力，在很短的时间内快速启动一项事业，挑一个城市，找到伴侣，生两三个孩子。这些事大多是不能同时完成的，正如研究表明，在30岁的时候，要想工作、生活一步到位，难度很高，压力很大。

千禧年后的中年危机并不是一辆红色跑车。而是意识到你不能拥有你想拥有的事业，意识到你不能拥有你想要的孩子，或者给你的孩子添个兄弟姐妹。太多30多岁40多岁的人，看看他们自己，看看我，坐在屋子里谈论自己的20多岁，我当时都干么了?我当时都想啥了?我想改变现在20多岁人的所思所为。

这里我想讲个故事说明问题。这个故事是关于名叫Emma一个女人。她25岁的时候，走入我的办公室，因为用她自己的话说，她有自我认识危机。她说她也许想从事关于艺术或者娱乐的工作，但是她还没决定。所以取而代之的是，她花了过去几年的时间当服务员。为了减少开销，她和她的男朋友同居，一个脾气暴躁而无志向的人。

正如她悲惨的20多岁，她早年的生活更加悲惨。她经常在谈话过程中哭泣，努力镇定下来后说你没办法选择你的家庭，但是你可以选择你的朋友。有一天，Emma走进来，她双手抱头于膝盖，然后抽泣了几乎一个小时。她刚买了一个新的通讯录本子，然后花了一整个早上的时间，填写她的联系人信息。当她填到万一发生紧急情况，请联系&的时候，她没有任何人可填。

第五篇：二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴中英Meg Jay

二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴（中英字幕）Meg Jay Ted英语演讲： kira86 于2013-06-09 20岁，不可挥霍的光阴。在这个点击过百万的TED演讲中，心理咨询师MegJay说不能因为婚姻、工作和子女是以后的事情，现在就可以无规划的生活。她提供三条建议帮助20多岁的年轻人重新审视自己的生活，不要做后悔的决定。为什么要听她演讲

近期观点认为，25岁似乎太过年轻，无法做重大决定。临床心理学家Meg Jay藉由心理学实务和著作《20世代，你的人生是不是卡住了》阐述，许多二十世代深陷《时代》杂志所谓「我我我世代」的迷思和误导中。她认为「三十世代是新二十世代」的说法使人们轻忽成年阶段最具可塑性的时光。

撷取十余年来与数百名二十世代个案及学生咨商的经验，Jay将科学融入一段段引人入胜、不为人知的故事中。精彩、生动的故事发展，显示为何二十世代并非发展停滞期，而是仅此一次的发展高峰。二十世代是个关键期，我们所做之事－及未做之事－对未来人生、甚至后代都将产生巨大影响。

Meg Jay：二十几岁，不可挥霍的光阴英语演讲稿：

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client.Iwas a Ph.D.student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.She was a 26-year-oldwoman named Alex.Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and abig slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off herflats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems.Now when I heardthis, I was so relieved.My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.(Laughter)And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys.This Ithought I could handle.But I didn't handle it.With the funny stories that Alex would bringto session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can downthe road.“Thirty's the new 20,” Alex would say, and as far as Icould tell, she was right.Work happened later, marriage happened later, kidshappened later, even death happened later.Twentysomethings like Alex and I hadnothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her lovelife.I pushed back.I said, “Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with aknucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy.”

And then my supervisor said, “Not yet, but she might marry thenext one.Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she hasone.”

That's what psychologists call an “Aha!” moment.That wasthe moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20.Yes, people settle down later thanthey used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime.Thatmade Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowingit.That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a realproblem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life butfor

the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States rightnow.We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if youconsider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.I really want to see sometwentysomethings here.Oh, yay!Y'all's awesome.If you work withtwentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep overtwentysomethings, I want to see — Okay.Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that everysingle one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know whatpsychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists alreadyknow: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative,things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for theworld.This is not my opinion.These are the facts.We know that 80 percentof life's most defining moments take place by age 35.That means that eight outof 10 of the decisions and experiences and “Aha!” moments that makeyour life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s.People who are over40, don't panic.This crowd is going to be fine, I think.We know that the first10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're goingto earn.We know that more than half of Americans are married or are livingwith or dating their future partner by 30.We know that the brain caps off itssecond and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood,which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is thetime to change it.We know that personality changes more during your 20s thanat any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28,and things get tricky after age 35.So your 20s are the time to educateyourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the firstfive years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain.It'sa time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who youwill become.But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adultdevelopment, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.Newspapers talkabout the changing timetable of adulthood.Researchers call the 20s an extendedadolescence.Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like“twixters” and “kidults.” It's true.As a culture, we havetrivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a planand not quite enough time.Isn't that true? So what do you think happens whenyou pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, “You have 10 extrayears to start your life”? Nothing happens.You

have robbed that person ofhis urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you orlike your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this:“I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn'tcount.I'm just killing time.” Or they say, “Everybody says as longas I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine.”

But then it starts to sound like this: “My 20s are almost over,and I have nothing to show for myself.I had a better résumé the day after Igraduated from college.”

And then it starts to sound like this: “Dating in my 20s waslike musical chairs.Everybody was running around and having fun, but thensometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody startedsitting down.I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes Ithink I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.”

Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakesare very high.When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormousthirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, andhave two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.Many of these thingsare incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder andmore stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car.It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.It's realizing youcan't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling.Toomany thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me,sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, “What was I doing? Whatwas I thinking?”

I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go.It's a story about a womannamed Emma.At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, havingan identity crisis.She said she thought she might like to work in art orentertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few yearswaiting tables instead.Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend whodisplayed his temper more than his ambition.And as hard as her 20s were, herearly life had been even harder.She often cried in our sessions, but thenwould collect herself by saying, “You can't pick your family, but you canpick your friends.”

Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, andshe sobbed for most of the hour.She'd just bought a new address book, andshe'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been leftstaring at that empty blank that comes after the words “In case ofemergency, please call....” She was nearly hysterical when she

looked atme and said, “Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck?Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?”

Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, “Iwill.” But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, reallycared.Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.I had learnedtoo much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's definingdecade went parading by.So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things thatevery twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and getsome identity capital.By get identity capital, I mean do something that addsvalue to who you are.Do something that's an investment in who you might wantto be next.I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows thefuture of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startupyou want to try.I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I amdiscounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is notexploration.That's procrastination.I told Emma to explore work and make itcount.Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.Best friendsare great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddletogether with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how theythink, how they speak, and where they work.That new piece of capital, that newperson to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New thingscome from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends.Soyes, half of twentysomethings are un-or under-employed.But half aren't, andweak ties are how you get yourself into that group.Half of new jobs are neverposted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-postedjob.It's not cheating.It's the science of how information spreads.Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family,but you can pick your friends.Now this was true for her growing up, but as atwentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered withsomeone and created a family of her own.I told Emma the time to start pickingyour family is now.Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better timeto settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you.But grabbing whoeveryou're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walkingdown the aisle is not progress.The best time to work on your marriage isbefore you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you arewith work.Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what youwant rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to bechoosing you.So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book,and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in anotherstate.That weak tie helped her get a job there.That job offer gave her thereason to leave that live-in boyfriend.Now, five years later, she's a specialevents planner for museums.She's married to a man she mindfully chose.Sheloves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card thatsaid, “Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough.”

Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love aboutworking with twentysomethings.They are so easy to help.Twentysomethings arelike airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west.Right after takeoff,a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, onegood TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations tocome.So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know.It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex.It's what I now have theprivilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty isnot the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use yourweak ties, pick your family.Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn'tdo.You're deciding your life right now.Thank you.(Applause)