英语短文笑话(带翻译)

第一篇：英语短文笑话(带翻译)

1、How much English can you speak?

“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around.What's more, he only speaks a few words of English.” The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?” The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

中文翻译

“法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。” 法官看了看被告，问道：“你会说多少英文？” 被告抬起头，说：“把你的钱包给我！” 2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day.She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.He said, “What?” 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。

妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问：“什么？” 3

Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.男孩：这个座位是空的么？

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

4、“Tom, what's the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen.“He's crying.” “Oh, nothing, Mum,” replied Tom.“I'm eating my cake.He is crying because I won't give him any.” “But has he finished his own cake?” “Yes.” said Tom.“And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.” “汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。” “没事儿，妈妈，” 汤姆答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。” “他已经吃完自己的了么？” “是的。” “我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, “Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.” The friends says, “If I guess right, will you give me one of them?” The first guys says, “If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!” 路人甲对路人乙说，“猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？” 路人乙说：“我猜对了，你能给我一个不？” 路人甲说：“你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！”

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的区别

“I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,” said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course.“When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down.” 一个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说：“我一眼就能看出来哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。” “我说'下午好'的时候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生则把这句话记在本子上。”

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days? Tom: Every month.爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？ 汤姆：每个月都有啊！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that”.Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.” 史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。

这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说：“博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。” 博比抬头看了看老师，说：“史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。”

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, “Thanks for the peanuts.” She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.”

一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。

当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说:“谢谢您的花生。” 结果祖母说:“唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。”

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.“All right, son,” asked the father, “What does that show you?” “Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.” 一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。

“所以，儿子啊，”父亲问道，“得出什么结论？” “恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！”

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.“Doctor,” he said, “you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.”

“Good heavens, man!” said the doctor.“Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?”

“To tell you the truth, Doctor,” the poor man replied, “I didn't need the money so badly then.”

中文翻译：

一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

“大夫！”他说，“帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！”

“天哪，”大夫说，“早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？”

“实话告诉您吧，大夫，”穷人说，“我当时还不缺钱！”

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice? Girl: Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice.男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。

女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, “What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?” “To be deaf,” replied the boy.“Nonsense!” said the teacher angrily.“Why, sir!Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?” the boy asked in reply disdainfully.在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问其中一个男孩：“音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？” “耳聋，”男孩答道。

“胡说！”老师气愤地说。

“怎么了，先生！难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子吗？”男孩轻蔑地反问道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.Bartender: “What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?” The man: “We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month.” Bartender: “That should make you happy.” The man: “No, the month is up today!” 一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

酒吧招待：“你怎么了？跟老婆闹矛盾了？” 男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。” 酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊！” 男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”

【Laughter】2009-5-27 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.女人找了老公之前都在担忧未来。男人娶了老婆之前从来不为未来担忧。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.男人想要的东西，要是值1块钱却卖2块，他也会买；而对于女人，即使是不想要的东西，要是值2块钱却只卖1块，她也会买。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa.“Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.Anybody caught breaking this rule the

2nd time will be fined $60.Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180.Are there any questions?” At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Umm...How much for a season pass?” 女生宿舍将全面禁止男生进入，男生宿舍也同样不得女生光临。

“不论是谁，一旦违规，初犯将被罚款20美元。再犯要被罚款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罚款。还有什么疑问么？” 这时人群中一个男同学问道，“那么一个季度通行证需要多少钱？”

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.Patient: It should.I've been practicing all night.医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: “The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind.” Bob: “Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from.” 皮特：“我上次出去打猎，跌下了很高的悬崖，信不信由你，当我跌落的时候，我脑海里浮现了我做过的所有蠢事。” 鲍勃：“你一定是从万丈高山上跌落的吧。”

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime.The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:“I PRAY FOR A BIKE...I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD...” His older brother nudged him and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!” 2个男孩与祖父母一起过夜，他们跪在床边做睡前祷告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: “我祈求一辆自行车，一张新DVD……” 哥哥用肘轻推他: “你为什么大喊着祈祷？上帝又不聋。” 弟弟答道:“上帝是不聋，但是奶奶聋。”

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time.Coming up beside her, he said, “Pull over!” “No,” she replied, “a pair of socks!” 巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣，便开车上前，说：“靠边停车(套头衫)！” “不，” 她回答，“是一双袜子！”

In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died.The teacher asked a student,“what does this show?”

The student answered,“It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol.”

酒的好处

为了证明酒精对生物的危害，老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里，虫子很快就死了。老师问一个学生：“这说明了什么？”

学生答道：“说明人多喝酒，就不会长虫子。”

1.Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?

Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.把乌龟换成狼

老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？

小明：因为它睡觉了。

老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？

小明：把乌龟换成狼！

Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared.Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.There was no sign of the lion.“What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?” asked the chief.“Forget the damn lion!” he howled.“Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?” 伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”

————————————————————————————————————————

Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“Don't know,” he said.“Radio is broken.” 天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说“明天下雨.”第二天果然下雨了.一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,“明天有风暴.”果然,第二天下了雹暴.“印度人真神,”导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.最后,导演派人去把他叫来了.“我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,”导演说,“这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?”

印度人耸了耸肩.“我不知道,”印度人说,“收音机坏了.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.But he soon found himself being battered by

frantic women.He stood it as long as he could;then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.“You there!” challenged a thrill voice.“Can't you act like a gentleman?”

“Listen,” he said, “I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.From now on, I am acting like a lady.”

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”

第二篇：英语短文带翻译

The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鸽子

A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard.Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly.Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.Zeal should not outrun discretion.有只鸽子口渴得很难受，看见画板上画着一个水瓶，以为是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飞过 去，不料一头碰撞在画板上，折断了翅膀，摔在地上，被人轻易地捉住了。这是说，有些人想急于得到所需的东西，一时冲动，草率从事，就会身遭不幸。

The Raven and the Swan乌鸦和天鹅

A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage.Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools.But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.Change of habit cannot alter Nature.乌鸦非常羡慕天鹅洁白的羽毛。他猜想天鹅一定是经常洗澡，羽毛才变得如此洁白无 瑕。于是，他毅然离开了他赖以生存的祭坛，来到江湖边。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 点都没洗白，反而因缺少食物饥饿而死。

这故事是说，人的本性不会随着生活方式的改变而改变。

A woman got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun.So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.After 15 minutes of this, a lady－one of the woman's friends came over and asked what she was doing.“I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.”

“Duh you have to roll up the windows first!”

一位女士把车撞了一个坑,于是就去修车。

修理工决定幽她一默。他告诉她,她只需把车开回家,然后从排气管里往车里吹气,直到凹陷处自己鼓起来。

这位女士如法操作了15分钟。这时,她的一位女性朋友来拜访她,并问她在做什么。

“我正在试着让那个坑鼓起来,但这个办法似乎并不管用。”

“嗯……你必须先把车窗摇上去！”

1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable.We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles.We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought.We happily spent a happy day.今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。

2。Today Mailehaoduo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things.Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy.I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love.`` 今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的 关心和爱戴了。

October 1st is the National Day of the People ' Republic of China,our country.I love our country and I'm so pround of I am Chinese.On the National Day,I went out with my mother and saw there were a lot of national flags in front of many shops.I was so happy to see that because that shows the Chinese people 's love for China.There were also a military parade(阅兵式)in the Tian'anmen Square in Beijing on that day.I saw it on TV and I was so excited.I hope our country will be stronger and stronger.10月1号是中华人民共和国成立的日子。我热爱我们的国家。作为一个中国人我感到无比骄傲和自豪。在国庆节这一天我和我妈妈出去逛街看到许多商店的门口都挂着国旗。看到这种情景我十分高兴因为它显示出了中国人民对祖国的爱。今天在北京天安门

广场有阅兵式。当我从电视上看到阅兵式的时候感到十分激动。我希望我们的国家变得越来越强壮。

My family

I love my family, because I have a happy family.My father is an English teacher.His name is Jacky.He is thirty-eight.He likes playing basketball.What’s my mother job? Is she a teacher? Yes, you’re right!My mother is very kind and nice, she is thirty-seven.My mother is always laborious work.I love my parents!On Saturday and Sunday, I often go to the library and play the piano, My father go to play basketball.Sometimes, we watch TV and listen to music at home.I love my family.Because I’m very happy to live with my parents together!

我的家庭 我爱我的家庭,因为我有一个快乐的家庭.我的爸爸是一名英语教师,他的名字叫Jacky.他今年38岁.他非常喜欢打篮球.我的妈妈是赶什么呢?她是一名教师吗?是的.你说对了!我的妈妈是一个很亲切、友善的人,她今年37岁.我妈妈总是勤劳的干活.我爱我的父母.在星期六和星期天里,我经常去图书馆和弹钢琴.我爸爸去打篮球.有时侯,我们都在家看电视和听音乐.我爱我家.因为我和爸爸妈妈一起生活得很开心!

My Room

This is my room.Near the window there is a desk.I often do my homework at it.You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen.On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat.There is a clock above the end of my bed.I usually put my shoe under my bed.Of course there is a chair in front of the desk.I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.我的房间

这是我的房间。在窗口附近有一张书桌。我经常在那做我的家庭作业。您能看有些书，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和笔。在墙壁在书桌有猫的图片。有一个时钟在我的床上的末端。我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。当然有一把椅子在书桌前面。我坐那里，并且我能看外面的树和路

Skating

Mom bought me a pair of skating shoes at my fifth birthday.From then on, I developed the hobby of skating.It not only makes me stronger and stronger, but also helps me know many truths of life.I know that it is normal to fall, and if only you can get on your feet again and keep on moving, you are very good!

滑冰

妈妈买了我一双冰鞋鞋子在我的第五个生日。从那时起，我爱好滑冰。它不仅使我越来越加强，而且帮助我知道生活许多真谛。我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起来，就是非常好!

The Sea

What do you know about the sea? Some people know about it, but others don’t.The sea looks beautiful on a fine sunny day, the sea is very big.In the world, there is more sea than land.Do you know Hainan Island? It’s really very nice.We can see beaches, trees and the sea.We can swim and visit a lot of beautiful places.海

你对海知道些什么？ 某些人知道关于它，但其他不。海看起来美丽在一个美好的晴天，海是非常大的。在世界上，比土地有更多海。您是否知道海南岛？ 那非常好。我们能看海滩、树和海。我们可以游泳和参观很多美好的地方。

Computers

Computers are changing our life.You can do a lot of things with a computer.Such as, you can use a computer to write articles, watch video CDs, play games and do office work.But the most important use of a computer is to join the Internet.We don’t need to leave home to borrow books from a library or to do shopping in a supermarket.Computers help us live a more convenient life.计算机

计算机改变我们的生活。您能做很多事用计算机。例如，您能使用计算机写文章，手表录影CDs，戏剧比赛和完成办公室工作。但对计算机的最重要的用途是加入Internet.我们不需要离开家去从图书馆借用书或在超级市场做购物。

计算机帮助我们居住更加方便的生活。

Smiling

I think smiling is as important as sunshine.Smiling is like sunshine because it can make people happy and have a good day.If you aren’t happy, you can smile, and then you will feel happy.Someone may say, “But I don’t feel happy.” Then I would say, “Please smile as you do when you are happy or play with your friends happily.You will really be happy again.”

Smiling can let you have more friends.So I say, smiling is like a flower.It will give you happiness.微笑

我认为微笑是一样重要的象阳光。微笑是象阳光，因为它可能使人愉快和有一个早晨好。如果您不是愉快的，您能微笑，您然后将感觉愉快。某人也许说，“但是我不感到愉快”。然后我会说，“请微笑，您，当您愉快地是愉快或戏剧与您的朋友。您真正地再将是愉快的”。

微笑可能让您有更多朋友。如此我说，微笑是象花。它将给您幸福。

Sunday

It was Sunday and I didn't have to go to school.I finished my homework the day before.So I decided to help mother do housework.I washed some clothes after I got up.Then I went shopping with a basket.I bought some meat, eggs and some vegetables in the market.After I came back, I started to cook dinner for the whole family.In the evening, I sat at the table and began to write down on my notebook what I had done during the day.星期天

它是星期天，并且我没有必须去学校。我前一天完成了我的家庭作业。如此我决定帮助做家事。在我起来了之后，我洗了一些衣裳。然后我带着篮子去购物。我在市场上买了一些肉、蛋和有些菜。在我回来了之后，我开始为全家烹调晚餐。在晚上，我在我的笔记本写下什么我白天做了什么。

春天：Spring

Spring is a delightful season.The temperatures are moderate, and the blooming trees and flowers make the city bright with colors.This is the time when we can begin to wear lighter and more brightly colored clothes and go outdoors more often.Smaller children like to bring their kites out to the spacious square.Also I enjoy going back to the village on this holiday after being in the city for the winter months.春天是个让人欣喜的季节.气温适中,挂满绿叶的树和盛开的花朵给城市增添了明亮的色彩.在这个时节里,我们可以穿上轻便靓丽的衣服经常出门去了.小孩子们则喜欢在广阔的天空中放风筝.在城里呆了一个冬天之后,我也喜欢回到村子里度假.夏天：

Summer is the great season for all sports in the open air.It is the season for football which is often called the national sport because of its popularity.I usually watch television and read the newspaper reports about the football results of the little leagues.During the summer I like to go to the beach often because it is very close to my home.I usually go there during the summer vacation to relax after many months in school in the city.I feel very comfortable with the familiar quiet life of the villagers.夏天是户外运动最好的季节.这是一个橄榄球的季节,橄榄球由于广受欢迎被称为全民运动.我常常看电视,看报纸,从报道中获得小联盟橄榄球赛的比赛结果.夏日里,我喜欢经常去海滩,因为那里离我家不远.在城里的学校呆了几个月后,暑假我常常去那里放松一下.此处有我很熟悉的村民们的宁静生活,这让我倍感舒适.秋天：Autumn

For me the autumn or fall starts in September when school starts its new term.I usually do some shopping.The mild weather made it very nice to study outside under the trees in a small park close to my house.I like to look up the leaves changing colors from green to red and yellow, and then brown colors.The park also has many bright fall flowers;sometimes I see a small squirrel coming down from the tree to hunt for food on the ground.On the weekends, I sometimes like to fly my kite.Usually on the street corners you can see street peddlers selling warm baked sweet potatoes.This is a nice time of the year.我觉得秋天是在9月份新学期开始的时候来临.我常常要去买一些东西.宜人的天气让我感觉在离家不远的小公园的树下学习是件非常惬意的事.我喜欢抬起头看蓍枝头上的树叶由绿变红,变黄,然后再变褐.公园里还有许多鲜艳的秋花.有时我会见到小松鼠从树上跳到地上觅食.在周末,我有时会去放风筝.在街头的拐角处,常常会有街头小贩在卖烤红薯.秋天是一年中的好时节.冬天：Winter Winter is very cold and windy in most parts of China.I usually look forward to the Spring Festival and the winter holiday when I can go to the south where the climate is warmer during these holidays.Also, I look forward to seeing my grandparents and my friends.Winter is the time everyone is in a festive mood.In the city, I usually do a lot of reading at home in the winter because of eh cold weather outside.中国大部分地区的冬天是即冷又有风的。我总是盼望着春节或寒假，到时候我就可以去南方了，当地的气候在这时会暖和的多。我也盼望着去探望我的祖父母和我的朋友。冬天，每个人都怀着喜庆的心情。在城里，冬天的时候我经常待在家里尽情地看书，因为外面的天气非常的冷。

How time flies ,It has past half an month since beginning of the summer holiday.As the weather getting hotter and hotter ,my parent and me go to the seaside.Last week we are go to the Xiamen.It's a beautiful city , bule sky and bule sea.The Xiamen is an island neal the Taiwan.From top of the Riguan rock we can see jinmen island.We spent a happy day in Xiamen.时间过的很快，从放暑假到现在已经半个月了．

由于天气越来越热，我们全家一起到海边度假，上星期我们就到了厦门，那是一个很美丽的城市，有蓝天大海，厦门是一个岛屿离台湾岛很近．从日光岩上面还可以看到金门岛．

我们在厦门度过了一个很开心的假期．

我的妈妈

我的妈妈叫XX.她中等体格,中等身高..她不是非常漂亮,但在我心中却很美丽.她爱笑,她同样希望我也笑得灿烂..她很平凡,是一名人民教师.她从小就培养我坚强的品格,教我做人的道理.她给我自由,让我过上幸福的声国，让我拥有了一个快乐的童年.生活中的很多事情,她总是很宽容.我很感谢她,我永远都不会忘记,在她老的时候,好好照顾她.My mother<人教英语初一翻译法＞

My mother is xx.She is of medium build and is of medium height(这是第七单元的最新语法）.She isn't very good-looking（用于修饰人，而beautiful大用于修饰物或动物）,but I think she is really very pretty（这不仅是漂亮，还有在心里的善良等好性情，也有聪明的意思）.She loves laughing(love to do sth.一般表示一段时间类喜欢做的事），and she also hopes I have the same bright smile．She is ordinary，(common虽普遍，但英语

中有粗俗的意思，容易引起异议）she's a teacher.She teaches me to be strong and teaches me how to be a true man from my yonth(这里指青年时代）.She let me free so I have a lovely life,and I remember I had a lovely childhood,too.She is always very good-tempered.I am thinkful to her for everything.I will never forget her.When she is old,I'll take good care of her.风和太阳(The Wind And The Sun)

One day the wind said to the sun, “Look at that man walking along the road.I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can.”

“We will see about that,” said the sun.“I will let you try first.”

So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak.He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself.“I give up,” said the wind at last.“I cannot get his cloak off.” Then the sun tried.He shone as hard as he could.The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.(有一天风跟太阳说: “看看那个沿着路上走的人.我可以比你快让他把披风脱下来.)(“我们等着看吧,”太阳说, “我让你先试.)

(因此风尝试让那个人把披风脱下来.他用力地吹,可是那个人把披风拉得更紧.)

(“我放弃了,”风最后说, “我无法让他把披风脱下来.”然后由太阳试试看.他尽可能地晒他.不久,那个人很热就把披风脱下来了.)第一篇：THE NEWSPAPER 报 纸

Nowadays the newspaper possesses considerable value Everybody should read it.It supplies us with a variety of news every day.It tells us the political situation of the world.If we form the habit of reading the newspaper, we shall(will)get enough knowledge to cope with our circumstances.现今报纸拥有极大的价值，人人都应该看它。它每天提供我们各种类类的消息。它告诉我们世界政治局势。如果我们养成看报的习惯，我们就能得到足够的知识来因应我们的环境。学生虽然每天须做功课，但他们至少应该匀出一两个小时来看报。哪些，他们不但能增加知识而且也能赶上时代。总而言之，看报对学生很有益处。

------------------第二篇：MY DAILY LIFE 我的日常生活

Though my daily life is extremely monotonous, I try hard to adapt myself to it.Why? Because I intend to be a good student.I wish to render service to my country.I get up at six o’clock every day.After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I begin to review my lessons.I go to school at seven o’clock.After school is over, I return home.We usually have supper at seven o’clock.Then I begin to do my homework.I want to finish it before I go to bed.虽然我的日常生活十分单调，但我却竭力设法去适应它。为什么？因为我打算做一个好学生，希望将来为国家服务。

我每天六点起床、洗脸刷牙后，就开始复习功课，七点钟我就去上学。

放学后，我就回家了。我们通常在七点钟吃晚餐，之后我就开始做家庭作业，希望在睡觉前把它做完。

第三篇：A MODEL STUDENT 模范学生

Do you mind being called a bad student? Of course not.So far as I know, everybody intends to be(become)a model student.However, to be a model student is by no means an easy thing.First, he must do his best to obtain knowledge.A man without sufficient knowledge will not succeed.Secondly, he must remember to improve his health.Only a strong man can do great tasks.Thirdly, he should receive moral education.If his conduct is not good, no one will consider making friends with him.你价意被称为坏学生吗？当然不。就我所知，每个人都打算做模范学生。

然而，做模范学生却不容易。第一，他必须尽力获得知识（求知）。一个没有足够知识的人是不会成功的。第二，他必须记住促进健康。只有强壮的人才能做大事。第三，他应该接受道德教育。如果他品行不好，没有人会考虑和他交朋友的。

第四篇：HOW TO GET HAPPINESS 如何获得快乐

There is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the world.Without it, life will be empty and meaningless.If you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the following two points.First, health is the secret of happiness(the key to happiness).Only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of life.Secondly, happiness consists in contentment.A man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.无疑的快乐是世界上最宝贵的东西。没有它，人生将是空虚的而且毫无意义的。如果你希望知道如何获得快乐，你须注意下面两点。

健康是快乐的要诀。唯有身体强壮的人才能享受人生的乐趣。

快乐在于知足。一个不满于现状的人终是处在痛苦之中。

第五篇：BOOKS 书籍

As is well known, books teach us to learn life, truth, science and many other useful things.They increase our knowledge, broaden our minds and strengthen our character.In other words, they are our good teachers and wise friends.This is the reason why our parents always encourage us to read more books.Reading is a good thing, but we must pay great attention to the choice of books.It is true that we can derive benefits from good books.However, bad books will do us more harm than good.如众所周知，书籍教我们学习人生，真理，科学以及其它许多有用的东西。它们增加我们的知识，扩大我们的心胸并加强我们的品格。换句话说，它们是我们的良师益友。这是为什么我们的父母终是鼓励我们要多读书的理由。

读书是一好事，但我们必须多加注意书的选择。不错，我们能从好书中获得益处。然而，坏书却对我们有害无益。

第六篇：A TRIP TO THE COUNTRY 乡村游记

One Sunday my mother(Mother)had(made)me take my little young brother to the a trip to the country.She bade me take good care of him.While we were walking along the road, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing gently.We saw the beautiful flowers smile(smiling)at us and heard the

birds sing(singing)their sweet songs on the trees.The scenery was indeed very pretty(beautiful).When we felt tired, we returned home.We saw Mother(our mother)wait(waiting)for us at the door.有一个星期日，我母亲叫我带小弟弟去乡村游历。她吩咐我要好好照料他。

当我们沿着道路行走的时候，太阳灿烂地照耀着，微风轻轻地吹着。我们看见美丽的花儿对我们微笑着，并听见鸟儿在树上唱着悦耳的歌曲，风景实十分美丽。

当我们感觉到疲倦的时候，我们就回家了。我们看见母样正在门口等候我们。

第七篇：BE PATRIOTIC 要爱国

It is the duty of every citizen to make the country rich and powerful(To make the country rich and strong is...).In order to accomplish this object one must be patriotic(love his country).I consider this an unchangeable truth.How can a student love his country(be patriotic)? I find my answer very simple and clear.He must study hard and store up knowledge so as to serve his(the)country in the future.If every student can do according to what I said, the country will certainly be rich and powerful.要使国家富强是每个公民的责任。为了达到此目的，必须爱国。我认为这是一条不易的定理。

一个学生如何才能爱国呢？我发觉答复很简单明了。他必须用功读书并积储知识以便将来服务国家。如果每个学生能按照我所说的去做，国家一定会富强。

第八篇：THE VALUE OF TIME 爱惜时光

An English proverb says that time is money.I consider it(this)wrong.Why? Because we all know that we can earn money be work but can not in any way get back time(in anyway).For this reason, we may(can)say that time is more valuable than money.Many people do not know the value of time.It(this)is indeed a great pity.We must bear(keep)in mind that wasting time is equal to wasting your life.英国有句谚语说，时间就是金钱。我认为这是不对的。为什么？因为我们大家都知道我们能够用工作赚钱，但无论如何却无法把时间争取回来。基于此种理由，我们可以说时间比钱钱更宝贵。

许多人不知爱惜时光。这确实是可惜的。我们必须记住浪费时间等于浪费生命。

本文的题目叫Love Your Life 热爱生活，希望大家会喜欢这篇英语小短文。

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty

like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.英语小短文译文：不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮；在那门前，积雪同在早春融化。我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们；可是事实上他们是往往利用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而像圣人一样耕植它吧！不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。

第九篇：WHY SHOULD WE STUDY ENGLISH 为什么我们要学英文

If you want to ask me why we should study English, my answer will be simple and clear.Now let me enumerate the reasons one by one in the following.In the first place, English has become an international language.If you know English, you van make a trip round the world without being misunderstood.In the second place, most valuable books, newspapers and magazines are written in English.If you wish(hope)to get knowledge, you must learn English.如果你要问我们为什么我们要学英文。我的答复很简单明了。现在让我来把我的理由一一列举在下面：

英文已成为一种国际语言。如果你通晓它，你可以环游世界不会被人误解。

大多数有价值的书籍，报纸和杂志都是用英文写的。如果你希望获得知识，你必须学习英文。

第十篇：MY BIRTHDAY 我的生日

Yesterday was my birthday, so some of my classmates sent me presents.Mother prepared a tea party for me.I invited all of them to come and take part in it.The tea party began at half past six.There were cold drinks and refreshments.We ate, talked and laughed.We felt that we were the happiest men in the world.Time passed quickly.In a twinkling, the clock on the wall struck nine.We could not but say “Good-bye” to one another.昨天是我生日，所以有几位我的同班同学送我礼。母亲给我准备一个茶会。我邀请他们都前来参加。

茶会下午六点半开始。有冷饮和点心。我们又吃又谈又笑。我们觉得是世界上最快乐的人。时间过得很快。转瞬间，墙上的钟敲九点了。我们不得不互道再见。

本文的题目叫Love Your Life 热爱生活，希望大家会喜欢这篇英语小短文。

However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is

not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.英语小短文译文：不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮；在那门前，积雪同在早春融化。我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们；可是事实上他们是往往利用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而像圣人一样耕植它吧！不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。

第三篇：英语小笑话 带翻译

One day a person meet god......God suddenly decide to give the man a wish......God asked......What wishes do you have......The man thinking......Heard that cats have9 lives......Would you please give me9 lives......God said......Your wish come true......One day, the boring...Want to say one death to die......There are9 life lying on the tracks......The results of a train in the past......The man was dead......Why is this?

Because the train compartment having10day......有个人一天碰到上帝......上帝突然大发善心打算给那人一个愿望......上帝问......你有什么愿望吗......那个人想了想......听说猫都有9条命......那请您赐给我9条命吧......上帝说......你的愿望实现咯......一天，那个人闲来无聊......想说去死一死算了......反正有9条命嘛 就躺在铁轨上......结果一辆火车开过去......那人还是死了......这是为什么呢？

因为那列火车的车厢有10节......Music class the teacher played a Beethoven song

Xiao Ming asked her:“ do you understand music?”

Xiaohua:“ yes”

Xiao Ming:“ you know what teachers do in the shells?”

Xiaohua:“ piano.”

音乐课上 老师弹了一首贝多芬的曲子

小明问小华：“你懂音乐吗？”

小华：“是的”

小明：“那你知道老师在弹什麼吗？”

小华: “钢琴。”

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run.It left fifteen minutes ago.旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？

售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。

第四篇：英语演讲稿带翻译笑话

we are the world ,we are the future someone said “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.i don’t know who wrote these words, but i’ve always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all.we are young.“how to spend the youth?” it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask “what do you understand by the word youth?” youth is not a time of life, it’s a state of mind.it’s not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.it’s the matter of the will.it’s the freshness of the deep spring of life.a poet said “to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.i’d like to share it with all of you.let’s show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, let’s make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves.we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, we’ve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.we’ve learnt that we can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder.as what i said at the beginning, “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, let’s be the owners of ourselves, and speak out “we are the world, we are the future.”

世界是我们的，未来是我们的

一些人说“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”我不知道谁写了这些话，但是我一直很喜欢它，因为它提醒了我，我们能够创造我们想要的未来。我们都是农夫。如果我们播下好的种子，我们将会丰收。如果我们的种子很差，有很多草籽，收割的将是无用的庄稼。如果我们什么也不播种，什么收获也没有。

我们是年轻的。“怎样度过青春？”这是个有意义的问题。为了去回答它，我首先要问“从?青春?这个词中你能理解到什么？” 青春不是人生的一个时期，而是精神的一种状态。青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志。青春是生命的深泉在涌流.一位诗人说“从一粒沙看世界，从一朵花看天堂，把无限放在你的手掌，永恒在一刹那里收藏”。几天前，我有了一个听讲座的机会，从中我学到了很多东西。现在，我想把这些与大家共享。让我们伸出右手，我们可以看到手掌中的展示我们的爱，事业和生活的三条线。我在生活方面这条线很短，那你们的呢？我想知道我们是否可以用这种办法去看我们的未来。好的，让我们一起握拳。我们的未

来在哪儿？我们的爱、事业和生活在哪儿？告诉我！是的，它们就在我们的手中。它们被我们自己掌握着。

我们所有人都希望未来能比过去更美好，但是未来能自己变得更好。不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。从过去来看，生活是艰苦的，但我们是更坚强。我们知道我们不能选择感觉，但是我们能选择和它相关的东西。失败并不意味着你不拥有成功，它只意味着你应该用另一种方式去做这件事。失败并不意味着你应该放弃，只意味着你应该更加努力。

正如我在前面所说的“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”过去的已经过去，无论我们无力改变，但是未来却在我们前方。相信“我们给了世界什么，世界也将给我们”。并且从今天起，让我们一起做我们自己的主人，一起大声说出“世界是我们的，未来是我们的。”篇二：中英文幽默演讲

幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照））

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。

poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program---and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness.eyestrain.yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。personally, i have never been conceited---and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。

我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。

i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。

如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject---me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。

第五篇：简单的英语笑话带翻译

Blonde's Appendicitis-金发美女的阑尾炎

A blonde has sharp pains in her side.The doctor examines her and says, “You have acute appendicitis.”

The blonde says, “That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.”

一个金发美女的腹部侧面感到剧痛。医生检查之后告诉他：“你得了急性阑尾炎。（金发美女听成acute 以为是a cute，一个可爱的阑尾炎）”

金发美女说：“您真贴心，医生，但是我是来求医的。”

Little Johnny...Finding Jesus 小强尼-寻找耶稣

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”Steven raises his hand and says, “He's in Heaven.”Mary answers, “He's in my heart.”Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He's in our bathroom!”The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'”一名主日学校的老师担心他的学生们有可能对耶稣感到困惑，于是他问他的学生们：“耶稣今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬举起他的手，说道：“他在天堂。”玛丽回答：“他在我心里。”小强尼用力挥了挥手，脱口而出：“他在我们浴室里！”大吃一惊的老师问小强尼他怎么知道这个。“这个嘛，”小强尼说：“每天早上，我父亲起床后，都会敲浴室的门喊着„基督-耶稣，你还在里面啊？‟”

Little Johnny...Know It All 小强尼什么都知道

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, “Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question.”Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, “Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question.”The boy then asks, “Why did Daddy leave you?”To this, the mother says, “You shouldn't ask that,” and sends him to his room.On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse.When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.Johnny runs back into the room.“I know all about you now.You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!”小强尼问他母亲的年龄是多少。她回答道：“绅士们是不会问女士们这个问题的。”于是强尼问他母亲她的体重是多少。他的母亲再一次回答：“绅士们是不会问女士们这个问题的。”于是这孩纸问：“为什么爸爸离开了你？”对于这个问题，这位母亲说：“你不应该问这个问题。”然后把他送回他自己的房间。在走的时候，强尼被他母亲的钱包绊倒。当他把钱包捡起来的时候，她的驾照掉了出来。强尼跑回母亲的房间说：“现在关于你的问题我都知道答案了。你36岁了，体重127磅，还有爸爸离开你的原因是因为你在sex上的考评是F！”（got an 'F' in sex，孩纸啊，你想歪了，那是“性别：女”啊……）

Little Johnny...Definite Definition 小强尼-肯定的定义

The preschool teacher says, “We're going to do vocabulary today.Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?”Mary raises her hand and exclaims, “Me me me!”The teacher says, “Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, ”The sky is definitely blue.“"That's good, Mary,” says the teacher, “but the sky can also be gray or white.”Sam raises his hand and states, “Grass is definitely green.”The teacher says, “That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too.”Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Do farts have lumps in them?”

The teacher says, “No Johnny, why do you ask that?”Little Johnny replies, “Well, I definitely sh*t my pants.”幼儿园老师说：“我们今天要做词汇题了。谁能在句子里运用“肯定”这个词？”玛丽举了手大声说：“我我我！”老师说：“你说吧，什么句子？”玛丽回答：“天空肯定是蓝蓝的。”“回答得不错，玛丽”老师点评道：“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的。”山姆举手说道：“草地肯定是绿色的。”老师说：“回答得不错，山姆，但是草地也可能是棕色的。”小强尼举手问道：“屁会结成块儿吗？”老师说：“不会的，强尼，你为什么问这个问题？”小强尼回答：“好吧，我“肯定”大便在裤裆里了。”

经同意转载自：