英语剧本：三顾茅庐

第一篇：英语剧本：三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage————By FRIENDS Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.Our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group FRIENDS.In this play, we add many modern and funny elements.For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play.Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue.But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group.So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottage

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs.Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's home Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Guanyu: Brother!We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!

Liubei:

Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope.Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles.It's very hard to get work now.No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about? Zhangfei: Oh, Brother!ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother!Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.Liubei: Alas!How did I forget this? Let's go!Go~~ go~!Hurry up!Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house Actors:

ZhuGeliang Wife ZhuGeliang: Good morning!I am the genius ZhuGeliang.But I feel so morose recently.Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6.What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience)I’ve never heart about that.And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts.It’s ridiculous.My major is military advice, not English.Why should I read this? Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze.I’m dizzy.Wife：Darling!Now, competition is so serious.If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job.I have stayed here for half of a lifetime.But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you.Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!

Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk? ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am!(crying)I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning.I shouldn't marry here.If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now, ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife(laugh): That's the spirit!Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6.I even borrowed money from the gate keeper.What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei? Wife: Oh!Yes!Come on quickly!Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam? Wife: Listen carefully!My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so

you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England..Keeper: Yes!Madam!Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper Zhangfei: Let me strike the door!Open!Open！!Keeper:(Check from the peep hole)Are these men asking for the debt?(Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei!We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En Keeper: Oh!No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK!We are waiting for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!

Aside: The three men went away with disappointed.After a month, the deeply autumn came!They came here at the second time.Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang again.Two month passed, the cold winter is coming!It is heavy snow

and very cold outsides.ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here

three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.SCENE4

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you.It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god!Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6.Please wait for a

moment!

Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu!Come out!Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece.Get out, or I will burn your house down!Guanyu: Sunflower press!AI.Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are

intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life.If you will kill

him, where is our money? Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!Zhangfei(Bat eyes)Guanyu: sunflower press！！!Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu? Guanyu: Hehe!I get it from a TV program called “My Own Swordsman”, which is so popular

with lots of people in China!Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we

had know that before!Guanyu: Oh！That is a good idea！！Keeper: Don’t interrupt！！Boss is reading！!Liubei: Keep quite！!Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last.Ha ha ha ……….Wife: Wof!Darling!He may come here to ask me to repay his money.We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry.I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue.Liubei: Mr.ZhuGeliang.I have hunted you for a long time!Zhu: Oh!You are Liubei.What can I do for you ?

Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder.We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao.At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei: I’m so surprised!I don’t know you are so ideal.ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money? Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us? ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t.Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently.If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: En…..Zhangfei:(Pull)Brother, come here.Everything is fake now such as the milk.Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?

Guanyu: Yes!We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: Wife Keeper Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god.CET6 has got 600 scores.Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh!Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window;Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you.After your Master graduates, happy life will approach.Cars, house, money!SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Wife：Honey!

ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition.You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey.Please take care of yourself.(Turn around)Don’t worried, never miss you！(Run)ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour.I should be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go！！!Aside: The three men go down to the hill.That is the end of the whole story.Thank you for your attention.本文来自: 教客网剧本大全(http://)详细出处参考：http://

第二篇：三顾茅庐剧本

白：在隆中道上，风雪交加，天寒地冻，刘备与关羽、张飞骑马急行，远远地看见了茅庐，刘备早早下了马，与关羽、张飞牵马朝茅庐疾步而去，三人至庄前，刘备轻轻敲柴门，有一小童开门。刘备：有劳转报，刘备前来拜见先生。小童：先生虽在家，却在草堂午睡未醒。

刘备悄声对关羽、张飞说：你二人在门外等候，先生未醒，不便惊动！小童：外边寒冷，将军何不进堂内等候？ 刘备：等先生醒来再进。

白：小童轻轻进屋了，刘备一动不动立在门外。

时间不知过了多久，张飞显得烦躁不安，见刘备站着，张飞大怒。张飞：这先生怎么这么傲慢，我们第一次来说出去了，第二次来又不在，现在第三次来，我哥哥站在屋外等候，他竟然高卧不起，等我去屋后放一把火，看他起还是不起？（动作）

关羽马上死死拉住张飞，说“不可，不可”，张飞叹了声“唉”恼得抱头蹲下。白：草堂内，孔明长嘘一声，只见刘备紧张得忙站直酸累的身子，谁知孔明只是翻个身子，又朝里睡着了。（门外两人已烦累难忍）

（动作）关羽耷拉着脑袋靠着门柱呆呆看着天，张飞索性一屁股坐在地上打瞌睡，刘备一动不动。白：又过了一个时辰。

孔明：大梦谁先觉，平生我自知，草堂春睡足，窗外日迟迟。刘备（动作）：来了精神，整衣理冠。孔明：有俗客来否？

小童：刘皇叔已在堂外候立多时了。孔明：何不早报，让我换件衣服相见。

屋外：刘备站在门口准备行礼，张飞、关羽站直了。

刘备（行大礼）：汉室后代，久闻先生大名，如雷贯耳，两次拜访，不得不见。孔明（还礼）：我乃南阳野人，疏懒成性，几次让将军来访，不胜惭愧。两人进屋内入住，张飞、关羽刘备身旁站。刘备：司马德操、徐元直早已向我推荐过先生乃高人，请赐教诲？

孔明：德操，元直都是当今高士，我是一个种地的农民，怎么敢谈天下大事呢？将军何必舍弃美玉而寻求顽石呢？

刘备：大丈夫身怀惊世才华，怎么能在山林中老去呢？请先生以天下苍生为念，赐教刘备。

孔明：那么，我想听将军的志向。

刘备：当今天下汉王室名存实亡，奸臣当道，刘备自不量力，想伸大义于天下，只是才疏学浅，到现在还无法成就，想让先生帮助我刘备。

孔明：当今的天下，自从董卓之乱开始，天下豪杰并起，北方曹操势力不如袁绍，却能够打败袁绍，并不是有天时，而是在于善于用兵，现在曹操已经拥有百万兵马，又扶子以令诸侯，不可和他交锋，孙权占有江东已有三代之久，地势险要，也深得民心，对于孙权只可联合不可以攻打。

刘备连连点头。

孔明：但是荆州北接汉，南到南海，东边连着吴会，西面通向巴蜀之地，这是块可以用兵的地方。益州地势险要，土地肥沃，是天府之国，当年汉高祖也是以此为基础成就事业的，将军如果占有荆益两地，那么大业可成，汉室可兴也。

刘备（激动）：先生未出茅庐，已知天下三分，真万古人不及备，刘备我虽然名气小德行微，请先生不歉弃我鄙贱，出出相助。

孔明：我喜欢在这里过着耕种子的日子了，不想出去。刘备（焦急）：先生真的不想出出相助吗？ 孔明：实难从命啊。

刘备大惊（愁容满面）：先生不出山，天下苍生怎么办啊？ 说完，用袖擦眼，似哭泣。

孔明站起身走了几步，慢慢转过身，说：将军如不嫌弃，我诸葛亮愿效犬马之劳！刘备大喜，站起慢慢将拳头抱起向孔明深深鞠了一躬。

第三篇：学生原创剧本：三顾茅庐

学生原创剧本：三顾茅庐

时间：三国时期

地点：刘备家、诸葛亮的家

人物：刘 备：蜀汉开国皇帝

关 羽：刘备的结拜兄弟

张 飞：刘备的结拜兄弟

诸葛亮：着名的政治家、发明家、文学家、军事家

童 子：诸葛亮的学生

［刘备两次去拜访诸葛亮，但都没有见着。冬去春来，刘备决定第三次去拜访诸葛亮，但关羽和张飞却强烈反对。］

张飞：（不满地嚷）这次用不着大哥亲自去，他这个草民要是不来见我哥哥，我就用一根麻绳把他捆来了。

关羽：（也在一旁附和）是呀，大哥！诸葛亮这种草民，我和三弟去就够了。

刘备：（生气地）岂不闻周文王谒姜子牙之事乎？文王且如此敬贤，你二人等怎么如此无礼！今番你们休去，我自己去。

张飞和关羽：（异口同声）尔等知错，请哥哥见谅。

刘备：你二人既已知错，就一起上路吧。

[幕落]

[幕起，刘备三人来到卧龙冈，离诸葛亮的住处还有半里多路，刘备就下马步行。]

刘备：（对关、张二人）离诸葛亮家就剩半里路了，我们走过去吧。

[张飞刚想反驳，只见关羽拉拉他的衣角，又摇了摇头，只好不说了。到了诸葛亮的家，刘备轻轻地敲响了门，一位童子出来了。]

刘备：请问诸葛先生在否？

童子：在家，但诸葛先生此刻正在草堂午睡。

刘备：既如此，且休通报。（对关羽、张飞）你二人在门口休息，我自己进去。

[刘备轻轻地走进去，恭恭敬敬地站在草堂的台阶下等候。过了半晌功夫，诸葛亮翻了一个身，又朝里睡着，张飞见半天没有动静，就要进去，关羽再三劝阻，这才不动了。又等了一个时辰，诸葛亮才悠然醒来。]

诸葛亮：有俗客来否？

童子：刘皇叔在此，立候多时了。

诸葛亮：（生气地）何不早报！（转身对刘备）且容更衣。

[更完衣冠，诸葛亮令童子取来一幅图。]

诸葛亮：（对刘备）知道你此来何意。此西川五十四州之图。将军欲霸业，北让曹操占天时，南让孙权占地利，将军可占人和。先取荆州为家，后即取西川建基业，以成鼎足之势，然后可图中原。

刘备：但荆州刘表、益州刘璋，皆皇室宗亲，安备夺之？

诸葛亮：我夜观天象，刘表不久于人世，刘璋非立业之主，久后必将归将军。

[刘备再三请求诸葛亮出山相助，孔明见他态度诚恳，便同意了。]

诸葛亮：将军既不相弃，愿效犬马之劳。

[诸葛亮和刘备三人一同出山。幕落]

第四篇：《三顾茅庐》小品剧本

三顾茅庐

旁白：话说这天下大势，是分久必合，合久必分，刘关张自桃园结义以来，开了个超市，名字叫**，一时间风头无二，引无数群众竞掏腰包。但东吴孙权开了个家乐福，魏国曹操开了个大润发，呈三足鼎立之势。这个故事说的就是刘关张三人去请诸葛亮出山的故事。

[刘关张三人出场]

张飞：大哥，这都正月了，年前发的年终奖都花完了，剩下的啥时候发啊？

关羽：三弟你有所不知，最近我们大举扩张经营范围，什么装修啊、人员工资啊，今年赚的钱都花的七七八八了，实在是有点HOLD不住了啊。

张：那还不好办，多引进些供应商收点费用呗。

刘：三弟休要胡说。(唱(爱情买卖调))：收费不是你想收，想收就能收，还要安慰供应商，把他留下来。(三人合唱)：收费不是你想收，想收就能收，去年收了今年又收跑光怎么办!

[三人摊手叹气状]

关：那大哥有何高见啊？ 刘：我前几天看集团报，有篇报导是写一个叫诸葛亮的人。你们知道不，诸葛亮这小子智商很高，大概80左右，江湖人称计谋帝，只要有了他，我们一定能一统天下!

张：那咱们快去请他呗。

刘：“GO!GO!GO!”

关、张：“奥来奥来奥来”

[刘关张三人下]

旁白：三人踏上了前往隆中卧龙冈的路上。俗话说：车到山前必有路，有路必有拦路虎，这不，山路上出现了三个可疑的身影。[供应商三人上]

供A：“我家本在庐州府，天天送货到**。”

供B：“只因去年成本高，年终一算赚一毛。”

供C：“为了养活家老小，改行扮作拦路虎。”

[刘关张三人上]

供A：“站住!此山是我开，此树„„”

供B、供C[鄙视手势]：“切~~”

供B：“打劫都打的这么没有创意，一看你就是OUT曼，这段去年品牌部就演过了，我们要与时俱进。”

供C[跳出]“我们刚刚做出了一个非常艰难的决定，你们懂的!”

供B：“IC、IP、IQ卡，统统告诉我密码!”

关：“大哥，好象有人打劫!”

张[摩拳擦掌状]：“哪个不知死活的，我来!”

刘：“贤弟且慢动手，以德服人。”

刘：“报告打劫的，没有IQ卡。”

供B：“ 怎么没有!”

刘：“我有IQ，你没有。”

供B：“把你的给我，我不就有了吗。”

刘：“给你你也用不了。”

供B：“把密码给我我就能用!”

刘：“没有密码，IQ是智商。”

供B：“智商是什么东西？拿来!”

刘[指着自己的头]：“智商是脑子”

供C：“哎呀真笨!他说你没脑子!”

供B：“谁说我没脑子!有种我们来对对子，对上就让你们过!”

刘[面对观众]：“就他那智商还对对子。”[转向供B]“一言为定，请出题!”

供B：“那我可出了啊，听好了啊~天王盖地虎!”

[刘关二人露出轻松的笑容]

张[上前一步]：“我知道我知道，跳个钢管舞!”

[刘关二人呈崩溃状]

关[打张头]：“叫你去读书，你非要去喂猪!是宝塔镇河妖!”

供B[喷血状]：“这么高难度的对子都被他们对上了!”

供A：“管他那么多，兄弟们，动手!”

[双方打斗，关张二打三，刘爬到一边][供应商衣服被撕开，露出供应商名称]

张：“咦，这不是我们**的供应商吗？”

关：“几位兄台，你们为何要在此打劫啊？”

供A：“唉，去年成本太高了，我们没赚到钱啊，只好在此打劫补贴点家用了。”

刘：“供应商兄弟，你们和我们**向来合作愉快，感谢你们去年一年对我们的支持，有了你们，我们的经营工作才能顺利开展。你们放心，今年我们会新增门店100家，销售额增长N倍，你们一定会赚的盘满钵满，保证让你们数钱数到手抽筋!”

供A：“真的？!那可得早点回家练练手指头去。”

供C：“我们这就回去给**送货去了!”

刘关张三人唱[做手语]：“感恩的心，感谢有你，给我送货，让我销售额再创新高。” 众人合唱：“感恩的心，感谢命运，共创共享我们一定会共赢。”

[供三人下场]

关：“大哥，今天天色已晚，我们还是改天再去卧龙冈吧。”

刘：“好。”

[三人下]

旁白：过了几天，三人再度出发，来到了隆中卧龙冈诸葛亮的草庐前。

刘[敲门状]：“当当当，卧龙先生在家吗？”

[孔容、丫环翠花上]

翠：“小姐，有人来找诸葛先生。”

容：“今天**打特价，表哥他一早就去抢大白菜了，到现在还没回来。不知来者何人那？” 翠：“好象是那皇叔刘备。”

容：“素闻刘备有贤良之名，我且去会他一会。”

翠：“小姐您是女儿家，哪能轻易抛头露面呢。”

容[略一思索]：“好办，我女扮男装。翠花，开门去。”

[容换男装上]

容：“请问刘皇叔来这干啥来了？”

刘[做揖]：“备久慕先生，无缘拜会，今特来请先生下山，助刘某成一统天下之大事。” 容：“我乃卧龙之弟诸葛孔容也。”

张：“什么，恐龙？[仔细端详容]是有点象。”

翠[推开张]：“去去去，是孔容!”

张：“哇~~美女!姓名？年龄？三围？”

翠：“呸!你个臭流氓!”

张：“哎~说啥呢，这谁家孩子，这么没礼貌。”

翠：“你管呢，这是你家啊？”

[两人做动手状，关将张拉开，容将翠拉开]

刘：“别吵了别吵了，麻烦通知一声，就说刘备来看Mr诸葛亮。”

翠：“送你三个字!”

刘：“里面请。”

翠：“不在家!”

刘：“啊？”

容[把翠拉到一边]：“翠花，那边那个大胡子还挺帅的!”

翠：“是吗，我来看看。[做寻找状往关那边走]帅哥在哪里？”

关[从口袋拿出梳子和镜子]：“我每天早上都会被自己帅醒!”

翠、容[花痴状]：“好帅哦~~”

容[把翠拉到一边]：“我好喜欢他哦。”

翠：“还想见他？”

容：“嗯。”

翠[转向刘关张]：“想见卧龙先生，明天再来吧!”

刘[三人作揖]：“那刘某就先告辞了!”[三人下]

[容依依不舍状，被翠拉下]

旁白：第二天，刘关张三人又冒着风雪踏上了前往卧龙冈的路上。

[刘关张上]

刘唱(回娘家调)：“风吹着杨柳他沙啦啦啦啦„„”

关唱：“小河的流水他哗啦啦啦啦啦„„”

张唱：“兄弟三人，他提着大礼包啊，”

合唱：“他们要去卧龙家啊~咿呀咿得儿喂~”

张唱：“左手嘉士利，右手饭遭殃，”

合唱：“腰里还别着一张会员卡呀，咿呀咿得儿喂~”

张：“大哥，到了。”

刘[敲门状]：“当当当，卧龙先生在家吗？”

[亮、容、翠上场，容抢着上前，被翠拉住]

亮：“在下便是诸葛亮，哎呀，这不是刘皇叔吗？是哪阵风把您给吹来了，我说今儿早上喜鹊怎么叫个不停呢？”

刘：“我这可是夜猫子上宅--无事不来呀。[拿出礼品]一点小意思，不成敬意，请笑纳。” 亮[假意推辞]：你看你，来就来吧，还拿什么东西，见外了不是？

关：“这是我们**采购自采的商品，品质好，味道佳，这不过年了吗，带给您尝尝。” 亮[收下礼物]：“那亮就笑纳了。[礼物给容翠放起来]不知皇叔来找亮所为何事啊？” 刘：“久闻先生大名，如雷贯耳，不知先生可知超市经营之道？”

亮：“略懂。”

刘：“那商品结构呢？”

亮：“略懂。”

刘：“门店管理？”

亮：“略懂”

刘[做正准备说话状]：“那~~~~~”

关、张：“略懂~~”

刘[转向关张]：“去去去，我还没说话呢~~

亮[羽扇轻摇]：“什么都略懂一点，生活会多彩一些。”

刘[转向亮]：“先生真是奇才啊!求先生出山助我一臂之力!”

亮：“常言道良禽择木而栖，想我出山，我先测测你智商。”

刘：“先生，我就觉得，你肯定没见过我这么高的智商。四大名著我是倒背如流。” 翠：“吹吧你!”

容：“那你背一下我们看看。”

刘[沉思状]：“听好了。著名大四!”

[众人晕倒]亮：“行了行了，我们这时候四大名著还没出来呢。”

刘[得意状]：“先生不知道最近流行穿越吗？我没事的时候把上下五千年都穿了一遍。” 亮：“行，那我看好你呦~~第一题[竖起一根手指]：这是什么？”

刘：“手指头。”

亮：“手指头这么简单，还能问你么？”

关：“那么是一么？”

亮：“俩人一对笨蛋![手往上指] 这是啥？”

刘：“啥？”

亮：“天花板嘛!”

刘：“你这手指头太短了。”

亮：“这没办法，这是原装的，改不了。那再给你出道题。”

刘：“刚才是我疏忽了，这回我肯定没问题，你出吧。”

亮：“第二题，也是最后一题。”

刘：“就两道题啊？”

亮：“打破常规，就两道题。论述题：请问何为礼、义、诚、信？”

刘[和关对视]：“这„„”

张[跳出来]：“哈哈，这太简单了!”

[全场都看着张]：“你知道？”

张[得意]：“打架我让人家先动手，谓之礼，有肉咱们兄弟三人分着吃，是为义，打麻将从来不出千，就是诚，这信嘛，就是输了钱从来不赖帐。”

刘关[二人抬脚踢张]：“去~~~~”

刘[思索半天]：“不行，我得请外援。[面对观众]场下的观众朋友们有木有知道的啊~~谁上来帮帮忙啊~~”

**员工[从观众席走上台]：“亲情待客童叟无欺是为礼，回报社会服务社区是为义，诚实经营货真货实是为诚，有诺必践可退可换是为信。”

刘：“太给力了!”[台上所有人鼓掌]([如果台下没人鼓掌]刘再问：“大家说他说的对不对啊!”

[台下喊对!])

刘关张[摆胜利POSE]：“耶~~~”

刘：“卧龙先生，现在你可以出山了吧!”

亮：“既然答对了，我就答应你出山。”

容：“表哥且慢!”

[容和翠把亮拉到一边耳语，亮做不允状，容拉衣袖撒娇，亮点头，走到刘面前] 亮：“皇叔要想亮出山，还得答应亮一件事。”

刘：“什么事？”

亮：“我家容儿对关将军很是爱慕，想和他结秦晋之好。”

[翠扶容害羞的走到关面前]

关：“关某只对美女感兴趣，不喜欢男人。”

容[扯掉帽子把头发披散]：“人家本来就是美女嘛~~~”

[全场呕吐状]

刘：“二弟，为了**能够冲出安徽开遍全国，你就从了吧!”[看一眼容，再呕吐] 关：“罢了罢了，为了我们**，我答应了~~”

容：“相公~~”[向关扑过去]

关：“救命啊~~~”[关下场]

容：“相公等等我~~~”

[追关下，翠追容下]

刘：“先生，这事成了，我带你去参观一下我们门店吧~”

亮：“好!”

刘、张：“走!”[全场下]

第五篇：7人搞笑版英语话剧剧本-三顾茅庐

7人搞笑版英语话剧剧本-三顾茅庐 three visits to the cottage

————by friends

three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the four great classical chinese novels——the three kingdoms.zhugeliang is one of the main characters in the original.also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in chinese history.another main actors——liubei, who visited zhugeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.finally, zhugeliang was moved by liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——liubei, guanyu and zhangfei to establish the shu kindom.he devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group friends.in this play, we add many modern and funny elements.for example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like infernal affairs(中文名无间道), my own swordsman（中文名武林外传）,the flirting scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play.also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue.but this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group.so we present our script to you and wish you will like it.three visits to the cottage

aside: after their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——liubei, guanyu and zhangfei-had to be janitors in caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs.meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character zhugeliang who had been forced to attend cet-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.scene 1: liubei's home actors: liubei guanyu zhangfei guanyu: brother!we three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? it's so terrible!

liubei:

yu, it's impossible that i don't feel painful, isn't it? but as the proverb says it is hard to sit in rome and strive against the pope.now we come down to caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles.it's very hard to get work now.no diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about? zhangfei: oh, brother!zhugeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s cet-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.guanyu: yeah, brother!or we'll be as poor as church mouse.liubei: alas!how did i forget this? let's go!go~~ go~!hurry up!follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!aside: and then the three brothers climb the mountain to find zhugeliang.scene 2: zhugeliang’s house actors:

zhugeliang wife zhugeliang: good morning!i am the genius zhugeliang.but i feel so morose recently.because my wife forced me to pass the cet-6.what’s cet-6? do you know? you?(ask the audience)i’ve never heart about that.and she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts.it’s ridiculous.my major is military advice, not english.why should i read this? wife: darling!zhugeliang：my wife is coming，she is so long-winded that i can never bear her.wife：my dear, how about your study? zhugeliang：these books make me want to doze.i’m dizzy.wife：darling!now, competition is so serious.if you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job.i have stayed here for half of a lifetime.but never visit a bigger place like yangling.zhugeliang：don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.wife：are you sure? let me have a test to you.listen，read and see!zhugeliang：a piece of cake!

wife：listen, can you spell apple? desk? zhugeliang: sorry i can’t.wife：you can’t? oh, how unfortunate i am!(crying)I’m wrong, I’m really wrong, I’m wrong from the beginning.i shouldn't marry here.if i didn’t marry here, i'll never in this heartrending place now, zhugeliang：don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!i ‘m going to study hard at once.wife(laugh): that's the spirit!do you know? we are in the red for your cet6.i even borrowed money from the gate keeper.what can i do when they dun for debts.zhugeliang: are you pointing to that gatekeeper liubei? wife: oh!yes!come on quickly!boy!keeper: what is the matter? madam? wife: listen carefully!my husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so

you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in england..keeper: yes!madam!aside: while it is going on, liubei guanyu zhangfei have come to the gate of zhugeliang’s house.scene3

outside zhugeliang’s house actors: liubei guanyu zhangfei keeper zhangfei: let me strike the door!open!open！!keeper:(check from the peep hole)are these men asking for the debt?(open the door)liubei: this is liubei!we are calling on zhugeliang and his wife.keeper: zhu said he is not in.liubei: en keeper: oh!no!...i mean …i mean my boss is studying english in england for the exam of cet-6,and he may not be come back this month.liubei: ok!we are waiting for him here!guanyu: nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!

aside: the three men went away with disappointed.after a month, the deeply autumn came!they came here at the second time.unfortunately, they didn’t see zhugeliang again.two month passed, the cold winter is coming!it is heavy snow

and very cold outsides.zhugeliang knows the reason that why they come here

three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.scene4

outside zhugeliang’s house actors: liubei guanyu zhangfei keeper zhangfei: please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you.it really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.liubei: these days, the borrower is the god!let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(knock the door)keeper：my boss is at home today, but he is reading books about cet-6.please wait for a

moment!

zhangfei：xiao zhu!come out!brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece.get out, or i will burn your house down!guanyu: sunflower press!ai.litter brother, big brother has said several times, we are

intellectuals, understand? don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life.if you will kill

him, where is our money? liubei: the submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? if you know, please bat your eyes!zhangfei(bat eyes)guanyu: sunflower press！！!zhangfei: where did you get this kongfu? guanyu: hehe!i get it from a tv program called “my own swordsman”, which is so popular

with lots of people in china!zhangfei: why not say it earlier? we three brother could run a company of chinese kongfu if we

had know that before!guanyu: oh！that is a good idea！！keeper: don’t interrupt！！boss is reading！!liubei: keep quite！!aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.scene 5: zhugeliang’s home

actors: zhugeliang wife liubei zhangfei guanyu zhugeliang: thank goodness, here's liubei at last.ha ha ha ……….wife: wof!darling!he may come here to ask me to repay his money.we can’t let him in.zhugeliang: my darling, please don’t worry.i can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue.liubei: Mr.zhugeliang.i have hunted you for a long time!zhu: oh!you are liubei.what can i do for you ?

liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? i have starved for several days.zhugeliang: i owe you $500? who can testify? please give me a chance, i want to be an honest man.liubei: how can i give you a chance? speak it to the judge.zhu: please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder.we can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack caocao.at last i believe that we can reign the whole country.liubei: I’m so surprised!i don’t know you are so ideal.zhugeliang: if i give you a map, could i not repay your money? liubei: en…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us? zhugeliang: but i can’t help you, i have accustom the life at present.liubei: if you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.zhugeliang: en……sorry, i can’t.because my wife forces me to pass the cet-6 recently.if you can help me to resolve the problem, i will help you.liu: en…..zhangfei:(pull)brother, come here.everything is fake now such as the milk.why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?

guanyu: yes!we can overdraft our salary from caocao to buy the key at first.scene 6: zhugeliang’s home actors: wife keeper aside: because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, liubei guanyu zhangfei have been starving for one month.keeper：（happy）sir , you are really a god.cet6 has got 600 scores.be really to startle the universe and move the gods.wife：what happened? 600 scores? oh!do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window;do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you.after your master graduates, happy life will approach.cars, house, money!scene 7: outside zhugeliang’s house aside: after receiving the master degree, zhugeliang will go to work with liubei to establish a new kingdom.so the couples apart.actors: zhugeliang wife liubei guanyu zhangfei wife：honey!

zhugeliang：darling!wife：excellent man have a long-range ambition.you should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.zhugeliang：i will have a long journey.please take care of yourself.(turn around)don’t worried, never miss you！(run)zhugeliang：(to liubei)your majesty, i will never forget your favour.i should be loyal and devoted to the last.liubei guanyu zhangfei: let' go！！!aside: the three men go down to the hill.that is the end of the whole story.thank you for your attention.