7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐

第一篇：7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage

Aside: Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four

Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.Our script is revised from this story.In this play, we add many modern and funny elements.For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own SWordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play.Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue.But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group.So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottage

Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the

three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs.Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's home

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Guanyu: Brother!We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!Liubei:

Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope.Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles.It's very hard to get work now.No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?

Zhangfei: Oh, Brother!ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother!Or we'll be as poor as church mouse Liubei:

Alas!How did I forget this? Let's go!Go~~ go~!Hurry up!Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside:

And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors:

ZhuGeliang

Zhu’s Wife

ZhuGeliang: Good morning!I am the genius ZhuGeliang.But I feel so morose recently.Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6.What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience)I’ve never heart about that.And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts.It’s ridiculous.My major is military advice, not English.Why should I read this? Wife:

Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：

My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze.I’m dizzy.Wife：

Darling!Now, competition is so serious.If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job.I have stayed here for half of a lifetime.But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry)ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.Wife：

Are you sure? let me have a test to you.Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.Wife：

Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?

Wife：

You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am!(crying)I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning.I shouldn't marry here.If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now，ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife(laugh): That's the spirit!Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6.I even borrowed money from the gate keeper.What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei? Wife:

Oh!Yes!Come on quickly!Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?

Wife:

Listen carefully!My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so

you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei

Guanyu

Zhangfei

Keeper

Zhangfei: Let me knock the door!Open!Open！!Keeper:(Check from the peep hole)Are these men asking for the debt?(Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei!We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En Keeper: Oh!No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK!We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed.After a month, the deeply autumn came!They came here at the second time.Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well.Two month passed, the cold winter is coming!It is heavy snow and very cold outsides.ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE4

Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper

Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you.It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god!Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6.Please wait for a moment!

Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu!Come out!Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece.Get out, or I will burn your house down!Guanyu: Sunflower press!AI.Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life.If you will kill him, where is our money?

Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!Zhangfei(Bat eyes)Guanyu: sunflower press！！!Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu? Guanyu: Hehe!I get it from a TV program called “My Own SWordsman”, which is so popular

with lots of people in China!Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we

had know that before!Guanyu: Oh！That is a good idea！！Keeper: Don’t interrupt！！Boss is reading！!Liubei: Keep quite！!Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu

ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last.Ha ha ha ………

Wife: Wof!Darling!He may come here to ask me to repay his money.We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry.I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr.ZhuGeliang.I have hunted you for a long time!

Zhu: Oh!You are Liubei.What can I do for you ? Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder.We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao.At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei: I’m so surprised!I don’t know you are so ideal.ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money? Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us? ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t.Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently.If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: En…..Zhangfei:(Pull)Brother, come here.Everything is fake now such as the milk.Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ? Guanyu: Yes!We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home

Actors: Wife Keeper

Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god.CET6 has got 600 scores.Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh!Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window;Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you.After your Master graduates, happy life will approach.Cars, house, money!

SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house

Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei

Wife：Honey!

ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition.You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey.Please take care of yourself.(Turn around)Don’t worried, never miss you！(Run)ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour.I should be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go！！!Aside: The three men go down to the hill.That is the end of the whole story.Thank you for your attention.旁白——话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波 一时间找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生 而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试 因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6

场景一 刘备家

刘备 关羽 张飞上

关羽——大哥 咱们都饿了好几天了 这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊 哎 刘备——二弟 这 大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低头 我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门 这年头工作这么难找 我们三兄弟学历又不高 好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了 哪还有什么奢求呀 张飞 ——大哥 对了 上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了 都好久没还 我们是不是应该去要回来

关羽——是啊大哥 不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了

刘备——哎 就是 我怎么这岔给忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟随我这就上山（收拾家伙 挽袖子）

旁白——兄弟三人就此上山

场景二 诸葛亮家诸葛亮上

诸葛亮——大叫好 我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮 可我最近却很是郁闷 我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试 六级考试是个什么东西 我怎么听都没听说过 还要我看这么厚的书 做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮）我以后可是要当军师的！又不是这个专业的 干嘛还要要看这种书

老婆——相公（远处喊）诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦）

诸葛亮——娘子来了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样 说起话来我可受不了 快老实看书（装作认真状）

老婆——相公 你的书背的怎么样了

诸葛亮——娘子啊 这些书看得我头昏眼花 光想打瞌睡

老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 现在外面竞争这么激烈 你要是不好好考六级 将来拿个硕士文凭 以后找不到工作可怎么办呀 我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了 你看我连稍微大一点的城市 像铁岭都没去过

诸葛亮——娘子 你看老公我这么有才华 以后还愁找不到工作么 这些书太简单了 统统不用看（扔书）

老婆——哼！你说简单 那我考考你

诸葛亮——怎么 还要考我 舌战群儒我都不怕 小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）老婆——我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状）听着 apple怎么写 desk怎么写 诸葛亮——（不会 抓耳挠腮）

老婆——相公啊 你连这都不会 可怎么办呀 哎呀 我错了 我真的错了 我从一开始就不应该嫁过来 如果我不嫁过来 就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方 我好后悔呀

诸葛亮——崩溃了（捂耳朵 忙劝）

诸葛亮——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看书就是 老婆——（马上变脸）这还差不多 你知道么 为了供你读书 咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债 连看大门的我都借过 如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀

诸葛亮——娘子 你说看大门的 ？ 莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备（抓胡子 兴奋 点头）老婆——正是此人 书童你快过来

书童上

书童——主人 有何吩咐

老婆——书童 听着 相公近日温习功课 外人一律不见 来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了书童 遵命

旁白——话正说着 刘关张三人已经到了诸葛亮家门口

场景三

诸葛亮家门口刘关张上

张飞——大哥我来叫门（气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）

书童——（从猫眼里看看 跟张飞头对上 幻灯片配李逵的黑脸 吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的（思考 开门）

刘备——在下刘备 特来拜访诸葛卧龙先生和她老婆 书童——主人说他不在家

刘关张——恩？？？

书童——哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回来 也可能十多天不回来 刘备——那我们就在这等他

关羽——他呢么贪玩 谁知道他什么时候回来 大哥 我们还是走吧

旁白——三人离去 又过了一个月 已是深秋 三人第二次登门拜访 可是仍然没有见着 第三次已经是冬天 屋外下着鹅毛大雪 诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情 趁这会老婆黄氏不在 赶紧命书童前去开门

场景四

诸葛亮家门口（下大雪）刘关张 书童上

张飞——大哥 下次要见诸葛小儿 你先给我老三说一声 我把他绑来见你 如此劳烦哥哥 甚是无礼

刘备——哎 二弟三弟 现在欠钱的都是大爷 我们还是再去一回吧 一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪 幻灯片放杨白劳与黄世仁 咚咚咚敲门）书童——主人今天在家（诸葛亮拿着金瓶梅从身后走过）但是正在看书 请你们等一等

张飞——（等不及了）诸葛小儿 快出来 大哥二哥 帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。。你要是不出来 我就一把火把你这房子烧了！

关羽——葵花点穴手（幻灯片配合 张飞定住 眼睛睁得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥说了你几次了 我们是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低调懂不 别一上来就舞刀弄枪的 我们是来要债的 又不是来要命的 你把人家砍死了 谁来给我们还债呀

刘备——二弟呀 现在次贷危机呢么严重 怎么这点道理你还不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛

张飞——（眨眼）关羽 葵花解穴手

张飞——哎 二哥（耸耸肩）你这点穴是那里学的关羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的电视剧 武林外传学的

张飞——二哥 你怎么不早说 要早知道你会这么一身手艺 我们三兄弟不如去开个武官 早就发财啦

关羽——是呵 这主意不错书童 主人在看书 不可无礼 刘备——哎呀你们俩就别打岔了 安静点

旁白——诸葛亮正在兴奋的时候 老婆黄氏突然回来

场景五

诸葛亮家诸葛亮 老婆 刘备上 诸葛亮——刘备 我终于把他给等来了 哈哈哈

老婆——哦！！相公 这准时我们向我们讨债的 可不能让进来

诸葛亮——老婆大人放心 凭我三寸不烂之舌 定能让刘备空手而归 哈哈哈

刘备—— 卧龙先生 我可找到你了诸葛亮 阁下可是刘备 不知找我所为何事（装）（此时刘备用枪指着诸葛亮头 幻灯片放无间道）

刘备——哥们儿 你欠我的500块钱什么时候还呀 我们兄弟都饿了好几天了（找个乞丐的幻灯片放放）

诸葛亮——我欠你钱 谁证明 给我一个机会 我想做个好人（无间道台词）

刘备——怎么给你机会诸葛亮 主公请看(扇子指向幻灯片 幻灯片放西农地图 谁有激光灯啥的)刘皇叔胸怀大志 但是现在却在这里看大门 我们就以这里为根据的 先发展自己的势力 然后进攻曹操便可一统天下

刘备——（若有所思）看不出诸葛先生如此有见地 诸葛亮——如果我把这张地图送给主公 不知可否抵债

刘备——先生身居山林 却对天下大事了如指掌 不知先生可否随刘备一同下山 共图霸业诸葛亮（眼珠子转转）可是我已经习惯了现在的生活 看来不能帮你。。刘备——（急）如果先生不帮我 天下的百姓又要受苦 请先生莫要推辞

诸葛亮——这。。这也不是不行。只是家家都有本难念的经，小弟近日正在为英语六级烦恼，贱内逼的紧啊，如果刘皇叔能将此事帮在下了结，在下必随刘皇叔下山，赴汤蹈火再所不辞。

刘备——（面有难色）这。。

张飞 ——（拉刘备到身边耳语到）大哥，这年头，牛奶都有假货了，我们找枪手，买答案怎么不行啊。（幻灯片武状元苏乞儿作弊呢段）关羽——要不我们让曹操预付我们两个月的工资，先把答案给他买了说。（假答案图片）

场景六 诸葛亮家

旁白——一个月后，因为所有的钱都拿去买了答案 刘关张已饿的面黄肌瘦，破衣烂衫。书童——好消息好消息 主人六级考了600分

老婆——什么！600分！这下终于可以毕业了 太好了 不负我十年寒窗苦，不负我夜夜伴君读 我的美好生活就要来了 房子！车子！钞票！！（房子、车子的图片）

场景七 诸葛亮家

老婆——老公 好男儿以事业为重 你去吧 不要想我。

诸葛亮——亲爱的 我要远行了 你要照顾好自己（转身悄悄说）别担心 肯定不想你！（出门拜倒在久侯的刘备 关羽 张飞脚下）主公 您的大恩亮永世难忘 定当鞠躬尽瘁死而后已

刘备——快快请起！

旁白——三顾茅庐的故事就此完结。结束 谢谢观赏（结束时放猫和老鼠的结尾）

第二篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great

classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty 三兄弟上场，关羽（戴着头巾粘着纸条），刘备（戴着墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）

刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）刘：嗯？没点着，你个废物（伸手打张飞）。En? It dosen’t burn on.you are the follish 张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem.刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人(本幕诸葛亮饰)：Heng!(哼)仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up!Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。仆人：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course.仆人：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。立正。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）You three!Be clever this time!屋子中„„

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God！Why do you punish me?!旁白：老大别难过，班长不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my boss.As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination.诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）旁白：谁啊

Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（悲伤歌曲放起，屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.刘：What?！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„（关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。）

第三幕

（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐）（诸葛亮又赢了）

旁白：老大你真NB You are the man!诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s company to find a job after Spring Festival.旁白：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you want to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.旁白：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。

（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出发。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money!闭幕。。

第三篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great

classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）

三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem.刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼)仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up!Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course.猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat!刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。立正。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）You three!Be clever this time!屋子中„„

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God！Why do you punish me?!猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my boss.As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination.诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）猪不亮：谁啊

Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）

（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。（你见，或者不见我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter）

（猪不亮转身关门，站不稳）刘：What?！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„（关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。）

第三幕

（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语）（诸葛亮又赢了）猪不亮：老大你真NB You are the man!诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。

猪不亮：说来就来了

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出发。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money!（猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊）猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状））Oh, Please take me away.闭幕。。

第四篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

英语话剧剧本

新 三 顾 茅 庐

王金元 俄语11-2班

田

跃

王富远

三顾茅庐

张功绪

盛加俊

薛光耀-1-

三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮---盛加俊

关

羽---薛光耀

张

飞---张功绪

诸葛亮仆人（诸不亮）---田跃

旁

白---王金元

刘

备---王富远 时间：10分钟

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.Now，let’s go into the story.第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty.诸不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）

三兄弟上场，关羽，刘备，张飞。刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布

刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem.-2-

三顾茅庐

刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼)仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese? 刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up!Who are you? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。诸不亮：你们怎么来的啊 How did you come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding horses ,of course.诸不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 诸不亮推开刘备，关上门 三人面面相觑，刘备突然明白了，“money！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

屋子中……

诸葛亮：My god,my god!Why do you punish me? 诸不亮：Don’t be sad,our monitor doesn’t pass the examination.诸葛亮：I know,but...（音乐响起）三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品 关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们

三顾茅庐

I think we’ll manage it this time.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他。

What?!If you don’t pull me,I will kill him easily by my strong throat!刘备：Stop stop!What are we doing here？！At ease-attation!Be calm you two.Be clever this time!(门铃响，诸不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）诸不亮：谁啊 Who’s this? 张飞：收电费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity.（开门）刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.（诸不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）（屋子里传来悲伤的气息）

张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a him ,please.诸不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。（你见，或者不见我）

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter if you love me or not）（诸不亮转身关门，站不稳）刘：What?！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

talk with

三顾茅庐

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die...第三幕

（诸葛亮和诸不亮玩三国杀，诸葛亮又赢了）诸不亮：老大你真厉害 You are the man!诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.诸不亮：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.诸不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。

诸不亮：说来就来了 Speak of the devil.（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧

Boss!I ached for you so much, please help me!刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!（出发。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.刘备：没钱。NO money.关羽张飞上前拉住诸葛亮。No money!Let’s go!

第五篇：英语搞笑话剧剧本

二人用版本

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman.He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students.He has a lot of money now.But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you.I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate.My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why.The foolish students always come here.I’ll be a boss soon!Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops!It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……

Oh, my dirty hands!Never mind!Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……

Oh, my god!Never mind!Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces

加旁白1人属于4人用）

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本 旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous.She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：(Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)皇后：I’m the new queen.I’m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔镜：Yes, I’m coming.Your Majesty!What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all? 魔镜：Yes.Your Majesty!You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.四人用版本

Global warming

A． Class begins, good afternoon everyone.B． C.D ：Good afternoon, teacher.A.First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ? B.I think it’s the problem of environment pollution.A.It’s related to our correct answer.But it isn’t correct one.B.Is it the problem of population increasing? A.No.C.Oh.I got it.It’s global warming.A.Right!Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays.Because……

B.Teacher.I have a question.It was very cold indeed this winter.I think it’s global cooling!

A.You got the wrong concept.Global warming doesn’t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control.So it will be sometimes very cold.B.Teacher.What causes “ global warming”?

C.I know.Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature.It causes global warming.A.You are right.Do you know what will happen with the global warming?

B.Yes.The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water.Human will have no places to live.C.Surely, we don’t want that will happen.A.What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?

B.I think we can protect the environment from ourselves.We can plant trees C.When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.A.Ok.Students, we can’t only speak but not do later.Let us go planting trees.D.Oh, teacher!Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it’s tree-planting day!

A.Yes!Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment.B．C．D．Let us do our best to stop “Global warming” and make our earth a lovely homeland!

A.That is good.I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment.Now the class is over bye-bye students!B.C.D.good bye.Teacher.（4人版本）

Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company.This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo!I finally finish this case.It is really tough!I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too.I always get so busy in this season.I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much.What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case? Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right.Let’s pig out on junk food!

Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown.I miss German food!Ca: so do I.how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before.Do you have any recommendation? Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse Ci: They all sound yummy.But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families? Wing&Ca: No Ci: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted.Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me.what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together.I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great!That is fantastic.Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplings Wing: Very good idea!We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”

Ca: sure, here you are.what s next? Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together.be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it.shall I blend them? CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well.A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared.lets start!CiCi: Wait!I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these? Ca: Wow!Cheese!Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God.Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!

CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life.Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!