甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥).(跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状), 乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.乙:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 丙:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name? 丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute.Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door, 丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is(回头,对甲)10 thousand years.甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here, 三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right? 丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right? 三人同声:we are past,right? 甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you....(接电话)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!
王颖乐:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, I'm the director--applaud , 自己拼命拍掌然后一边说谢谢谢谢。thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and three actors who will get the chance.OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.张敬宝:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,director, the most beautiful charming,girl is coming , every body knows me, right? open your eyes as big as you can,自己做深呼吸状 there will be a unique dance show for you, 嘿嘿嘿 奸笑。（打个响指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥).(跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 王颖乐:(作目瞪口呆状)张敬宝:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 王颖乐:eh...my god, have you use some drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.张敬宝:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)王竞羲:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.王颖乐:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.王竞羲:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards ,and(做沉思状)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(张敬宝，赵文鑫同学鼓掌,张敬宝抱头痛哭),抚摸张敬宝头说oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....王颖乐:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 王竞羲:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on(王颖乐stop stop,王竞羲不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.王颖乐:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying,next one, next one.急切叫下一个上场 赵文鑫:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起他的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear prince.王颖乐(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name? 赵文鑫:My name? Oh, wait a minute.Do you know Lady GaGa ?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Obama?(摇头),and Marilyn Monroe 玛丽莲梦露 ?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.王颖乐(指门,气愤状),you you you.....赵文鑫:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you don’t need to learn about them, but you must know me, i will become the greatest poet---oprah!王颖乐:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.赵文鑫:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to her “I love you”!王颖乐(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door, 赵文鑫(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is(回头,对甲)10 thousand years.王颖乐:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actor.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here, 三人跑进来，张敬宝妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 王竞羲镇静状:director,you like my singing,right? 赵文鑫深情状:princess,you like my poet,right? 三人同声:we are past,right? 王颖乐:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you....(接电话)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!张敬宝(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)王颖乐:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!王颖乐伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin.At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指)come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥).(跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状), 乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok? 甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous.Get out , next one.乙:oh no...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious.God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状)oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award,(同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin 丙:OK！!I'll use my first signature song to conquer you--my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you are i believe that the heart does go on once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise（丁上场）
甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise.What an ugly woman!(Of course, I won’t let you pass.)Why do you come here? 丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance.I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview.Please give me a chance, please.甲():OK, so what’s your name? 丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s.OK? 丁:OK, that’s enough.Thank you, thank you.I’ll just present a poem I love best.The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离
Is not between life and death 不是生与死
But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前
Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你
The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离
Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你
But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起
The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离
Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念
Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）
乙：Honey, you like my dance, right? 丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right? 丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem? 甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er..You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no.Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly.We are far better than her.NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances.But I have to say I learn a lot from her.We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent.One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.
四人搞笑话剧剧本《缘分》
时间:2011-03-29 21:59来 源:搞笑话剧剧本 作者:川子
王二丫出场，唱《I believe》：I believe，土豆到那里去挖….（拿着一瓶红茶）
唱了一句，就开始比较自我的介绍（河南方言）：俺叫王二丫，芳龄二十八，挣了一万五，买瓶冰红茶。（然后喝了一口）哇！好茶.接着掏出自己的新钱包，（炫耀）：这是俺的新钱包。
这时，从钱包里掉出一样东西，王二丫低下身捡了起来。(笑了)：这是他的照片，呵哈哈。看，你们看看，这是俺的对象，长的可帅里，灰主流，实不相瞒大家，俺可是有对象的人（娇羞）俺俩约好了今天在这里见面，然后一起回家。咋还不来啊。算了，还是先买票吧。
王二丫坐掏右掏，结果钱包掉了也没有发现。心里一直想着自己等会就可以见到他，然后就可以回家了。
王：咦？石家庄火车站欢迎你。我去买票。下场
李狗剩上场（河南方言）：俺叫李狗剩，咦！火车站人真多。咦！你看那个哥，长的真让人尴尬。（指着观众）你们都是来买票的吗？是不是都等的烦了，都。那俺给你们来个单田芳的评书吧。来一个吧，你看咱们能在一个站买票，缘分，真的。
李往前站了站，清清嗓子：单田芳的评书啊，应该这样。~~~出卖我的爱，你背了良心债。哎呀，你看，光听光看不鼓掌也没啥意思啊。其实，我唱不准音，但我就是喜欢这首歌的旋律！
李：今天俺和俺对象越好了在火车站见面一起回家，咋还不见人啊，说起我和他认识的过程，就两个字，缘分，真的。（扫了眼大街）在如今的世道上啊，俺就希望捡一个钱包
这时，李想要吐痰，下意识看了下地面，发现有钱个吧，使劲又咽了回去，走过去，一屁股坐在上面，然后慢慢地拿起来，抱进怀里，偷偷看了一下里面的钱。
李(低头偷笑，然后看着大家):缘分，真的。这么多钱。（然后又抬头看了看）真灵验，我发现我爱上你了。既然你这么宠爱我，那就…..在给个女的吧。
突然回过身看了看四周，没人，甲经过：小伙子，住店吗？
李（失落）：不住不住。你弄啥里这是。
低头走了……甲见状就追了过去：小伙子，住店吗？
过了会，王又回来了，（很是着急）：俺的钱包怎么没有了，刚刚就在这站了会，咋没了里？
老板路过，王上前就把他拽住：哥，钱….钱
老板：哎嗨嗨！你松开，我有媳妇。
王：不是，大哥，俺钱包丢了，打工一年的钱啊，没了
说完又拉扯上了
老板：干什么玩意，扯我衣服，还冲我要钱，你什么职业啊？
王（愣了一下）：纯农民工
老板（仔细瞅瞅她）：算了吧，怎么看怎么你想骗子，像你们这种人啊，我见多了。装！
王：大哥，俺不是骗子，我发誓（拉着老板的衣服）
老板：别缠着我，还发誓，骗子都是靠发誓赚的钱。你们这种行骗的人，那就是撑杆跳茅坑---太过份了。
甩开王，撩了撩头发，回头看了看王：让人讨厌。
老板下场
王（颤抖）：咦！原来是个姐姐
（紧接着）我的钱啊，我的一万块钱啊，天啊。
记者和摄像的上场
王失落而又有些气愤地蹲了下来，后来心想钱还得找回来，刚一起身，不小心撞到记者身上
记者：哎呦，你没事吧，对不起啊
王擦了擦脸，揉揉眼睛，又大量了一下他们两个。眼前一亮
王（兴奋）：咦！哥
记者（看了看王）：什么，我是80后的 王：我比你笑，我是70后的 记者（吃惊）：嗯？？！！
王（赶忙）：记者同志，俺钱包丢了，你给播一播呗。
记者：这，这怎么播啊，我们都没有见过你的钱包。
王：没见过，那你给想法播播，不就见着了吗？
记者：这，这确实没法播，这个啊….摄像的（拦住记者，小声）：你给他弄个词，完了说说，忽悠忽悠，这就行了。反正她又不懂
记者（好像明白了，转身）：这样啊，我给你想想
王（像遇见贵人）：谢谢啊，谢谢啊。如果真能找回来那一万块钱，俺请你喝冰红茶。
摄像的：那到不用，我戒了
记者：那，那开始吧。（低头想了想，抬起头对着摄像机）：
王（走到摄像机前）：哥，你这个盖，不打开也能摄像吗？
摄像：哦，不好意思。这个原本我也戒了，但是，今天破戒（把盖打开）
记者：别打乱，别打乱。咳，（接着对着摄像机）：观众朋友，感谢您在这个时刻准时把电视锁定在农民频道。为何茫茫火车站只有她一个人在这？为何打工妹的钱不翼而飞？是盗窃？还是复仇？请看本期《法眼》之《打工妹的心酸血泪史》
之后安慰地拍了拍二丫：尽力了，但我们会有后续的 说完就大步走了，王（大声）：哎，还有冰红茶！
摄像的：戒了
王还是压抑，低头又哭了
李狗剩上场，看见蹲着的人，走进一看，竟是二丫
李：咦！二丫
王（抬头，有些惊喜）：狗剩哥！
随后，大哭起来
李：你，你这是弄啥里，哭啥里
王不理他，接着哭
李：俺的娘哎！求求你别哭咧！你看这么多的人，哭多不好啊
（拉着王）走，买票，回家哭
王一听买票，哭的更大声了
李：你这，咋不听话啊。咱们能在这遇见，缘分，真的。别哭啊，俺有个好消息告诉你
王还是哭
李（叹了口气，大声叫）：你给俺把声音关了！！
王当即无声
李：说，到底怎么了？
王：狗剩哥，俺钱包丢了，里面的钱也丢了，李：钱都丢了？
王：没有，俺兜里还有几千
李：那个，俺今天踩狗屎运，捡了个钱包。（说着掏出钱包）你看，有 好多钱咧！
王：啥？你让俺看看。
转瞬，王开始大笑，这就是俺丢的 李：啥啥啥？真咧？？
王：这钱包我刚买的，里面还有你大头贴
李：贴呢？
王掏出来给她看，李（有些怒了）：这个男的是谁，长的咋镇难看。
王：他就你啊，狗剩哥。
李：管不得感觉在哪见过啊。
王（害羞）：狗剩哥，你看，俺丢个钱包你就给找着，万一哪天俺丢了，你会找回来吗？
李：你，你这是弄啥咧，咋问这个啊
王：这不是那啥，那个《非诚勿扰》里头的吗？就问问你嘛，问问你嘛，回答我嘛，还会找回来
李：必须的必嘛。我觉得主要是，缘分，真的 王笑了，想要上前抱住他，又害羞了，退了回来
李：咦！你看，咱家二丫还会害羞啊。李上前预作抱状，你说我抱不啊。（看观众反映）咦呀，你看你们这些男人，着实让我犹豫。不过能相聚火车站，缘分，真的。那就（上前抱）回家说吧
拉着王二丫下场了。
四人英语话剧剧本-The Rolling Orange The Rolling Orange讲述桔子的故事。一天早上，桔子一家醒来，发现人们开着卡车，搬着梯子，来摘桔子了，快来看看他们的命运如何吧。人物
Tom:
Father Orange Klye:
Mother Orange Wallis:
Older Sister Orange Jessie:
Little Brother Orange
Characters Father Orange:
He is a middle-aged, considerate, and thoughtful man.Mother Orange:
She is a younger and more youthful woman than Father.She is also very optimistic.Older Sister Orange:
She is young , energetic, and competitive.Little Brother Orange: He is the youngest and, therefore, a little spoiled.SCENE I 场景一：果园
One Morning in an Orange Orchard.(Today is a sunny day.An orange family is discussing nervously about something on an orange tree in an orchard.)Father:
I was awakened early this morning by the sound of trucks in the field(yawning).Mother:
Well, it wasn’t the first time to be like this.Sister:
A whole bunch of strange men was brought in by trucks.Brother:
That really scared me.They got out and started to climb up ladders.Sister:
(Afraid suddenly)Oh!My friends were grabbed and put into large bags.I could hear them yell for help.Father:
Hey!We shouldn’t look at them;otherwise, they’ll notice us.Mother:
But it’s useless.Sister:
Oh, God!We’re discovered!
Brother:
Oh!We’re being grabbed and pulled from our branches.What will we do for food and water? Sister:
It will be so uncomfortable going to town in that bag with a lot of strangers.Mother:
Well, we’ll just have to do our best.Father:
Yeah!
SCENE II On a Fruit Stand.(After having been on the road in a bag for half an hour, they are placed on a fruit stand.)Sister:
Gee!This place is so cold and desolate.I wish we had our friends here on this stand(looks at the opposite fruit stall).Brother:
I tried to make friends with these people on our way here, but everyone looked pretty uncomfortable and scared.(Suddenly)
Sister:
Oh!Mother!How could they do that? Mother:
What are you talking about?
Brother:
I know what she’s talking about(Brother turns to look).Father:
What did you see? Sister:
My friends were cut up and eaten.How could they do that? I’m so scared.Father:
Now, children, be calm.Mother:
Sh~ Someone’s coming.Father:
Try to be quiet.Sister:
I don’t want to be taken away.Brother:
Oh!My friend’s being taken away.Sister:
Your friend looks so fat.Mother:
If we look sour, maybe we won’t be taken away.Brother:
That’s a bright idea.But how could we look sour? Mother:
Now, children, stop being scared and calm down.Father:
Oh!No!I’m being looked at.Mother:
I told you not to eat so much.Now you look so fat and juicy.(Father is being taken away.)Brother:
Oh, no, Dad!
Father:
(Sadly)Good bye, children.Sister:
Oh!Dad’s being put into the basket and taken away.Mother:
Oh, no!Brother:
Stop that.Our father can’t be taken away.Mother:
Look, he’s being bagged and put into a cart.Sister:
Hey!The cart’s wheels are going out of the store.Brother:
A car’s pulling up.Mother:
Oh, no!His bag is being picked up.Sister:
But it’s breaking.And Dad’s falling out.Brother:
Dad’s rolling away.All:
(Jumping up and down cheering)ROLL!ROLL!He’s getting away.Sister & Brother:
Yip!Yip!Hurray for Dad!Mother: Oh!Thank God.
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