第一篇：英语话剧
搞笑小品剧本《史上最牛的相亲》
员1（男扮女装）嗨！帅哥！笑什么笑啊！没见过美女啊！你那个撮样，都流口水了！哎!没办法撒！家里人就是烦，非要让我来相亲！你说像我这么温柔，这么漂亮的姑娘，就算不嫁给贝克汉姆，那也该嫁给姚明吧！......其实呢！我今年年纪也不小了，都.....18了！
台下人：我看28还差不多！
演员1：谁说的，给老娘我站出来，我看你是老鼠舔猫屁股调戏不要命啊！哼！............他怎么还不来啊？也太没诚意了！
演员2：有诚意！有诚意！你好！（一瘸一拐的上来了，还满头大汗）
演员1：你好！......喝水！
演员2：我不喝水！
演员1：你不渴吗?
演员2：不！我都渴了十几年了！别人总嘲笑我，说我11路老出故障，底盘该修了！
演员1：他们怎么能这样呢，胡说八道！没一点爱心！
演员2：我先自我介绍一下啊！我姓尹！名荡坦荡的荡！
演员1：你好！尹荡!
演员2：我看见你我有点紧张，我今年25哦不对！我今年26了！出生在一个美丽的大城市…哈密！我没正经读过几年书！自从牛津大学毕业后，就没有在上了！我现在也没找工作！家里也没钱，就我爸他不是刚给我6百万创业吗！所以他也就没钱了啊！其实我是个弱势群体，就像在学校一样，我经常打架，但打架分为两种，一种是打别人，而我却属于另一种！
演员1：不是吧！你有被虐待的爱好！
演员2：其实我的爱好挺多！做运动啊！上网啊！我就想找个年轻貌美气质佳的女孩子！能陪我上….上网，陪我做….做运动！
演员1：你怎么结…结巴啊？
演员2：我平时很正常的，只有说话时才结巴！其实我感觉你挺好的！
演员1：真的吗？你真有眼光！
演员2：我还不知道你叫啥呢？
演员1：我的中文名字叫赵晓珊，我的英文…….我还没想到！
演员2：你叫找小三!
演员1：你讨厌!你好坏啊!欺负人家啊！
演员2：笑声！.....哎！你是哪里人啊？
演员1：我是陕西人！
演员2：你是陕西人，哎！你咋不早年传？看把人憋得的难受的。
演员1：你看你喔瓜怂样！
演员3(导演)：你看你两个喔瓜怂样！早告诉你我们演的是郎才女貌，不是豺狼虎豹！用普通话把陕西方言表达出来，听见没有！表情！注意表情！开始！
演员1：你看你那瓜怂样！
演员3：你会不会说普通话啊？你要是不会说普通话那，你就包说普通话，你要是不会说普通话呢，你就去蹲那墙觉觉！
（两个人都笑了）！
演员3：停！你笑什么笑啊！跟鬼一样还笑！（跟演员1男伴女装的说）
你！你脑袋是不是被驴踢了！（对演员2说）
演员2：导演!不是！这不公平啊导演！你说我长得这么帅，你让我演一个瘸子！他长的那么丑你让他演一美女，还要我给他念情诗！
演员3：不行..你们换换！
演员2：别！别！别！
演员3：就这样！开始了啊！开始！
演员1：你看是你那瓜怂样
演员2：傻都是因为你，才犯的傻！为了你，我还写了一首诗：题目是2012我的爱！那是在一个秋高气爽，阳光明媚的....傍晚！我千里迢迢来找你，我找啊找啊找！找啊找啊找！找啊找啊找！我终于找到了你，你那迷人的眼神，魔鬼般的身材，还有那白皙的脸蛋！（眼睛看看演员1的脸，然后做呕吐状）！
演员3：卡！停！怎么回事啊！
演员2：导演对不起，我实在忍不住了！
演员3：你说你们这些年轻人啊！没一个有责任心的！我平时说你那都是为你们好，不要以为自己是名牌大学毕业的就不知道天高地厚，有了一点点小小的成就，就飘飘然，就谁也不放在眼里了！我们虽然演的是小角色，但我们反映的是大生活！世界很美好啊！角色虽小，却寄托着你对每一个看你表演的人的尊重！人生就像一部戏，酸甜苦辣无味色，学会尊重别人，学会尊重自己，这就是生活！
演员1：好！鼓掌！
演员2：好！鼓掌！
演员3：对不起我还没说完呢！我认为年轻人多吃点苦那是很有必要的，对你的人生是中历练，你会从中学到很多！
演员2：导演我知道了！不是有一句话说的好!吃尽苦中，苦方为..虫.中.虫！（站在高处做个手撑天得动作）
演员1：他脑袋确实被驴踢过！（对演员3也就是导演说）
演员4：吃药了！吃药了！下来!下来！医院里不许站那么高！（原来这是在精神病院发生的事）
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第二篇：英语话剧
beard is looking good there,A…..1(女)
Don‟t thank me，thank the dice.,they told me what percentage of my face to shave.….2
Why are you still doing this?.....3
Because it‟s working，…in the past few weeks ,not be bothered by trivialities,so and I‟m about
to figuring out why 1+1=2…..2
You forgot,got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants…..4
When give，also lost.…..2
Is 5 out with 6 again?...1
Yeah,every night …4
Wow, can‟t believe that he has a girlfriend….1
摇色子 me neither…2
Here‟s some other fun new on the 5 and 6,…..,he gave her a pair of diamond earrings anda car…3
You‟re kidding…..1
You think she‟s taking advantage of him?.....4
Oh ,of course not.She wouldn‟t do something like that…she is deaf….1
无奈的表情 deaf??....deaf woman can‟t be gold diggers?..4,Everyone knows that …..they are nice….1
Yeah, I actually have information about 5 that would be helpful with this discussion…2(不相信的眼神)Could you tell us?…4
Let‟s see 摇色子..(说出多少点).sorry,bud….2
Wait, hang on , two together.roll again…..1
摇色子okay ,listening to me.(都很无奈)…it doesn‟t matter if he buy lots of gifts ,because his families are vastly wealthy….2
What do you mean “vastly wealthy”?...1
Well, “wealthy” means a lot of money……”vastly” means even more…I „m not sure what you
don‟t understand…(都很无奈)...2
OK,I know they have money.i don‟t think it‟s that much….4
No,you‟re wrong…..through my survey in a few decades, his familiers are‟t just rich ,they‟re Richie Rich rich….2
Well,so how much is that?..1
About halfway between xietingfeng and zhangbozhi….2
what?? The last time we went to the zoo….,that son made me buy him ice cream…3
4走出教室(哼着歌)listen,guys, I need to go call 5‟s sister ,who I love so much…..so vastly much….4
OK….,so he is very rich …1
And he pay off all her credit cards…3
What??.damn it ,I could have date 5 for a coulp months….but I „m not that kind of girl….we should really talk to 5….1
He‟s not going to listen…he is in love….3
Can‟t know what to do?.?.....now,excuse me,…I have to….摇色子….stay right here…..2
第三篇：英语话剧
I used to have my dream!
我有过梦想 旁白（谢秋霞）：
Now I am a freshman.These days I suddenly find how I cherish the memory of my previous life!In those days my classmates and I worked hard for our dreams!We even do not know what was tired.Therefore，we could study at night with our own hand lights and we could get up so early as the sky was still dark.What we only know was that we have our own dreams and we would not be ordinary people.However it seemd that everything is changing!I am beginning not to know who I am and what I am doing and where my ambitions are!Scene one: 闹铃响起
No.1（尹思阳）: Oh, my lady gaga!It is already 7:60!Get up!Quickly!Quickly!Get up!Get up!Get up!We are late!No.2（肖翠平）: What classes will have this morning? No.1: Let me see!Uh。。。English and RS!No.2: Oh, English? It’s so cool.I won’t go to the classroom!No.3（孙川）: Are you sure that we will have English at our first class? No.1: Uh……Yes!No.3: he he a o, he he a o ,he he he he(啄木鸟叫声)，I just made a hard decision that I won’t go to the classroom too!No.4（陆坤）：I am three!No.1: Ok, as your good brother.I want to be four!No.2、No.3and No.4 together shout to No.1: No!As our respected and handsome and strong brother, you must go there in case of the teachers’ calling!No.1: Uh…… Ok, you know that When I smile like this :he he, in fact I am thinking that you are all fools in my heart!No.2、No.3 and No.4 together smile to No.1:He he……
Scene two:(No.1 has just gone!)No.2: Get up!Get up!It’s time to keep on playing our game!We have no time because of the coming examinations!Therefore we must speed up!No.3: Oh, yeah!No.2 is right!Come on No.4!No.4: Uh…….O…….K!At this time, a man break into the room!No.2、No.3 and No.4 feel puzzled!No.2 : Who are you?(并仔细的开始观察他)好一会过后No.2如梦初醒！
No.2: No.feiwu? Are you No.feiwu? Oh, my dear feiwu.Long time no see!No.3 and No.4: Feiwu? He is feiwu? Oh, my god!Am I still sleeping?(掐对方)Er……I can’t feel any pain.No.4: A……
No.feiwu（李缘）: Do you have any money to borrow me? No.2、No.3 and No.4: No, it’s not the thing that we don’t
have t money to borrow to you!It is because that we don’t want you to keep on going to the net bar and we don’t want you to go on corrupt.(堕落的)No.feiwu: All of you are so stingy!(小声的)No.2、No.3 and No.4 all keep quite, and begin to play their games!No.feiwu climb his own bed and begin to sleep.Scene three:（当
No.2、No.3、No.4玩的正兴起的时候，No.4的电话响了）
No.4: Hello!My baby!How do you know that I am not in class? Girlfriend: Uh? Don’ t you forget about our appointment that you accompany with me to buy that lovely skirt by skipping our English class? No.4: How can it be possible!Girlfriend: Wuwuwu
…….you are lying!You just don’t love me!Wuwuwuw
…….No.4: Oh, my baby, I love you.I really love you!I was just preparing to see you!Wait me!I will go there in two minutes!
No.4:Feiwu, Lend me 100 yuan!No.feiwu: What?
Scene Four：
旁白：The time is so fast!It’s already 7:30 at p.m.No.4 was just coming from the supermarket with her girlfriend.No.4: How long do you play the game? No.3: Uh, all the time since you go.And we have only one barrier to pass now!How is your appointment?
No.4: Uh…..Don’t speak that!I In the supermarke ,She seemd like everything, but she only just have try at every store!Yeah , every store!Oh, my god!I nearly can’t put up with it!笑声，近乎疯狂但又深表同情的笑声！
No.1、No.2 and No.3 together : Our girlfriends are the same!No.2: Oh, yeah!I pass it!No.1、No.3 and No.4：Really？ No.2: Yes!四人开始跳舞庆祝！
No1： Now shouldn’t we celebrate it by drinking something？ No.2、No.3 and No.4: Of course!We should!No.1: No.feiwu? would you join us to drink? No.feiwu: Uh…...Ok.But please be quite!I will call my mother for some money.全场肃静！
Mum: Hello, my dear!Your money has used up, isn’t it? No.feiwu: Uh……
Mum：Ok.This time I will post 1000 yuan to you for the reason that I will go to Beijing to build houses in next two month!My son,you should eat well!Don’t think about the money!Your mother is still strong ,therefore, though without your father, I believe that I can help you finish your dream!Ok, that’s all!Now I go to post the money to you!电话挂断后长长的尾音！《老男孩》歌曲响起！旁白：
Dream? What are our dreams? We used to tell ourselves that we can let our life become better and better!We can feed all of our family!We should have our own businesses!We won’t be ordinary people and so on!However, what are we doing? Playing computer games, skipping classes, drinking ……….That’s the way that we accomplish our dreams？Don’t we want to think that have we realize our previous dreams when we become old? Or we just let our own dreams accomplish by our children?
第四篇：英语话剧
荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II 主持人：Hello，everyone，Welcome to watch today's program。there will be a PK between Limochou and Jingke.who will be the winner ？I think all of you have different opinions，If you support your hero。Please vote for him。The way of participation:send your hero’s name to 00000.then you will have chances to take photo with him and get your hero’s autograph.ok, start fighting.（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲
Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me? 荆轲
Of course!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁 Come on!音乐起 两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
主持人：Mr Jingke，congratulations to you，how is your felling now？
荆轲：good！
主持人：I am your fan，can you be my master? 荆轲：ok,follow me.太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my Ladygaga!Could you give me a smart answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲徒弟：maser,your bag.荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Slimming tea.It is a brand new product in China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
2（《江南styler》音乐起，荆轲,阿三，太子丹等人跳起舞。。荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，徒弟，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子道别。荆珂（深情状）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去，徒弟相随而去。
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin.Acion IV 秦王：Oh，shit，you look so rude，prim，and ugly，why？why？ 荆轲徒弟：what？you said what？please say again，Iwill kill you。荆轲（拽了拽徒弟）：淡定。
秦王（怒斥状）：please go out，otherwise，I will kill you。
徒弟：you make me awful，now，if you kill me，I won’t give you the map，you know？ 荆轲：sorry，we come here just want to make peace，please trust me。秦王：ok，please show me the map。<
荆轲走上前去，（呈恭敬状）:Sir,It’s the map.旁白：Jingke fight with King Qin,but,unluckly,Jing Ke was killed by King Qin.Then the story is over.
第五篇：狼来了英语话剧
狼来了 英文短剧剧本 THE WOLF IS COMING
1、音乐起，三个农民边唱边跳出场歌词：We are farmers, we are farmers, happy happy happy!三个农民在地里劳动
farmer A: Let’s have a rest, OK？ Farmer B C：OK!(农民下)旁白：Long long ago, in a distent country, a little boy took care a lot of sheep on the mountain every day.Nobody played with him.He felt very lonely.He thought his work is not interesting at all.Scene Two:
A boy was shepherding(第二场：一个小孩在放牧)（男孩上，赶着一群羊，然后走到树下休息）
Boy:（挥舞着他手中的鞭子）Hmn, I feel so bored.There is nobody here to talk with me.How board!(嗯，太无聊了。这儿一个说话的人也没有。真没意思！)Sheep: Baa…(咩咩……)Boy: Um, I have a good idea.I am sure people will come soon.（大声喊）a wolf is coming.A wolf is coming.Come and help.I see a wolf.A big wolf.(狼来了。狼来了。)
Some farmers Are Working(第二场：几个农民在干活)(山下，有几名农民在干活。他们听到了男孩的声音。)旁白：Some farmers are working under the hill.They have heard the voice of the boy.Boy: wolf is coming.A wolf is coming.Help!(狼来了。狼来了。救命啊！)Farmer A: Hi, do you hear anyone crying?(嗨。你听见有人在喊叫吗？)Farmer B 听)Yes.It’s the shepherd’s voice.(是啊，是那牧童的声音。)Farmer C:(放下手中的活。)Yes.Let’s go and help him.Let’s kill the wolf.(是的，咱们去帮他。快去打狼吧。)(越来越多的农民停下手中的活儿，拿着棍棒和农具上山了。)旁白：The farmers go quickly and they want to save the child as quickly as possible.Scene Three: The Farmers Are Fooled(第三场：农民被愚弄了)(农民们拿着棍棒和农具爬上山。)Farmer A: Where’s the wolf? Where is it? Can you see it?(狼呢？它在哪儿？你看见了吗？)Farmer C: Hi!Little boy!Are you all right? We are coming to kill the wolf.Where is it going?(嗨！小孩。你没事吧？我们是来打狼的。狼在哪儿？)Boy: Hahaha!Sorry.There’s no wolf here.I’m joking.Haha…(哈哈哈！对不起，这儿没有狼，我开玩笑呢。哈哈哈……)Farmer C: No wolf?
Farmer A: You cheat us.Famer B: It is not good to d o this.Boy: Hahaha!What fools!Hahaha……(哈！真傻！哈哈……)（农民们很生气，下台）
旁白：All of the villagers go back to the village.All of them are quite angry.The boy laughs.He thinks it is so funny that so many adults are cheated.The next day, the boy was board again.He wanted to do that another time.Boy: A wolf is coming.A wolf is coming.Help!Help!(狼来了。狼来了。救命啊！救命啊！)
Farmer B(对 Farmer C说): Maybe the wolf is really coming.(或许这一次狼真的来了。)Boy: Help!Help!Wolf is coming.The wolf is coming.(救命啊！救命啊！狼来了…….)Farmer A: The boy is fooling us.Farmer C: If the wolf really coming.Let’s go to the hill and kill the wolf.(咱们上山打狼去。)(他们向山顶爬，有人都累得爬不到山顶了。可是当他们爬到山顶时，却发现根本没有狼。)旁白：So, all the villagers trusted the boy once time.They climbed the hill, tired and tired.But, they saw nothing.Farmer A: Where is the wolf? Boy: Hahaha!Don’t angry with me, uncles.Why not sit down and have a chat?(哈哈哈！大叔大伯，你们别生气。坐下来跟我聊会天，好吗？)Farmer A: You naughty boy!You should not cheat anyone.If not, no one will trust with you.(你这顽皮的孩子！你可不应该再骗人啊！下次再也没有人相信你了。)Farmer B: The boy fool us again.Let’s go!（这孩子又骗人，咱们走！）
Farmer C: What a bad boy!Don’t believe him.(这孩子真不象话！别在理了。)(男孩笑弯了腰。农民们气愤地离开了。)旁白：The farmers left with fully anger.They promise not to help him next time if he doesn’t correct.But the boy laughed.In a sunny morning, the boy looked after sheep in the hill.Suddenly, a wolf was really coming.The boy was so scared.（音乐响）
Scene Four: A wolf Is Really Coming（第四场：狼真的来了）Boy:(他怕极了。)Wolf!Wolf!The wolf is really coming.Help!Help!Help!(狼！狼！狼真的来了。快救命啊！)Wolf: Hello, I’m a wolf.I’m from the north.Come on baby.So many fat sheep.I can have a good lunch.(这么多肥羊。我能吃顿丰盛的午餐了。)Boy: The wolf is coming.Help!The wolf is coming.Help!（狼咬死了所有的羊，追男孩，男孩滚下山被救）
Boy hhhh, no one believe me.旁白：The moral of this story is: lying is a bad behavior, it is not respect other people, other people will lose their trust.We should cultivate good quality and sincere.(这个故事的寓意是：说谎是一种不好的行为，这是不尊重别人，其他人将失去对他的信任。我们应该培养良好和真诚的品质。）
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