第一篇：英语话剧中文
人物共五人
郭军：某单位一名员工
刘楠：郭军的一名女同事
郭军的妈妈
郭军的爸爸
栓子：郭军的童年玩伴
第一幕
道具：文件 手机
郭军上：我叫郭军，是XXX（所在单位）的一名员工。这xxx（所在单位）什么都好，就是女人有点少。这不，我都来两年多了，还是光棍一条。为这事，老妈都电话骚扰我n回了。（手机铃声想起，郭掏出手机一看）这不，又来了
（郭妈和郭军的对话均为地方方言，视情况而定）
郭：妈„„
郭妈：娃，俺是恁妈，最近过得咋样？天儿冷，多穿点衣服！
郭：妈，办公室有空调，不冷。俺爹和你在家还好吧
郭妈：好！家里一切都好！娃，啥时候回家过年啊
郭：这个月X号，票都订好了
郭妈：娃啊，上次给你说的事白忘了啊
郭：啥事啊？妈
郭妈：啥事，您找媳妇的事，为这事恁爹和我急得夜里都睡不着觉
郭：妈，这事急也没用！
郭妈：俺不管，你看老牛家小栓子，跟你是小学同学，现在人家孩子都能喊奶了！
郭：妈，你再等等！
郭妈：还等，恁爹和我半拉身子都入土的人了，等不了了。娃儿，今年过年你要不给我带个媳妇回家，以后你就别喊俺妈了（挂断电话）
郭自言自语：怎么办，怎么办，怎么办（拍头）对了，上次在网上见有人发帖“租个女友回家过年”，我为何不也租一个女朋友呢，但找谁呢？
旁白：就在郭军着急的时候，同事小楠刚好经过：
刘：郭军，练铁头功呢？
郭：噢，刘楠啊，（面向观众的另一面）对啊，刘楠就挺合适的，温柔，漂亮又善良„„还是单身，哈哈
刘：郭军，傻笑什么呢
郭：哦，没什么！刘楠，你春节回家吗
刘：我啊，最近跟家里闹了点小别扭，不回去了。（郭：（握拳）欧耶）你呢？
郭：我票都订好了，19号打道回府
刘：好羡慕你们啊。看来我只能与北风为伴，白雪为伍了，凄凄惨惨戚戚啊
郭：刘楠，我给你出个主意。你只要照办，不仅免费好吃好喝，末了还有钱赚
刘：切，天下有这等好事？！说吧，什么主意啊
郭：（有点不好意思的，吞吞吐吐）假装我女朋友„„跟我回家过年，我给你租金，一天就行！
刘：郭军，你当我是什么人？！
郭：小楠姐姐，你听我说，我妈给我下最后通牒了，今年春节要再不带女朋友回家，她„„就要跟我断绝母子关系！
刘：郭军，你妈那是吓唬吓唬你，不用当真！
郭：楠姐姐，我妈那人你不知道，说到做到的那种！楠姐姐，你是天底下最善良最仁慈的女孩子了，一定不会见死不救的，楠姐姐！
刘：不行不行，这要让别人知道了，我可怎么见人啊
郭：你不说我不说，谁知道啊。就一回，楠姐姐，求你了！
刘：唉，可怜的孩子！你楠姐姐„„我答应了！
（郭听后，惊喜若狂，狂跳）（配乐：）
郭：苍天啊，你终于睁开你昏睡的双眼了。我这就起草合同去（扭头）
刘：还起草合同啊？
郭：Of course!亲兄弟，明算账。刘楠，明天见啊（离场，黑灯）
第二幕：
旁白（第二天，吃过午饭）
郭：刘楠，合同我起草好了，你看看
刘：根椐2009年1月1日实行的劳动合同法，本着平等、互利原则，刘楠与郭军签订以下租女友合同：
一、租女友时间：共计3天，每天租金250元，额外收入另计。这也太低了吧！
郭：（忙不迭的）好商量，好商量！可以再加！
刘：
二、租方承担路费、服装费、礼物费等一切费用。这条不错！（郭拍胸脯）
三、租方为应付父母，须与出租方发生牵手、拥抱、接吻等场面？！
郭：下边还有呢，牵手每10分钟30元；拥抱每次50元；接吻每次100元（注：只限于额头与脸部，不得接触嘴唇），这样总行了吧！
刘：等等，再添一条：租方如有口臭，需加付300元。
郭：好好好，什么都依你。但这还有第四条呢，听好了，四、出租方在出租时间内，外表可以伪装善良，必须微笑服务，不得当面拒绝租方父母提出的要求；所收租方家人红包、金银珠宝等贵重物品需当天晚上交给租方，并当面清点。刘楠，我这个要求不过分吧
刘：亲兄弟，明算账嘛，我同意！（郭军拿一只大毛笔给她签字）怎么感觉跟签了卖身契一样啊
郭：（一把抢过合同）白纸黑字，不许耍赖啊，要不咱们法院见！
刘：哼！谁怕谁啊
第三幕
旁白：郭军带着刘楠回了老家。
刘挽着郭的手臂
郭：妈，俺回来了！（郭妈（腰间围巾）开门）妈，这就是我跟你说的刘楠
刘：阿姨，你好！
郭妈：好！好！小楠，快屋里坐，外头冷！
三人进屋 郭父（在屋内椅子上坐着）：小楠来了！
刘：伯父，您好！
郭父：小楠来了，到了这就跟自己家一样！
郭母：看你说的啥话，本来就是自己家！小楠，这一路怪累的，快坐下喝口茶润润嗓子！（拿暖瓶倒茶）
刘：阿姨，我自己来！（抢过暖瓶）
郭母：我说郭军他爸，你咋还坐着不动嘞？赶紧买菜去！
郭父（起身）：小楠啊，你跟郭军先说着，我出去一会儿。郭军，你要是欺负小楠，看我回来不收拾你？！（转身哼着小曲离开）
郭：妈，你快去做饭吧，我肚子都敲大锣了！
郭妈：好，好！小楠，你先喝着茶（到厨房拿菜刀切菜）（屋内只剩郭军和刘楠两个人）
郭：刘楠，我有个小请求！你„„你能不能去厨房喊声“妈”
刘：郭军，合同里可没有这一条啊
郭：疏忽，疏忽！这样吧，你喊一声“妈”100块
刘：嗯„„看在兄弟一场的份上，楠姐姐我豁出去了！
刘（起身鼓足勇气，清清嗓子）来到厨房：妈，我来帮你做饭吧
郭妈惊愕一会儿，然后：唉，好（刘楠和郭妈一起做饭，说笑的场景）
郭听到刘楠喊妈的时候：噢耶（单手握拳）
然后灯光变暗，所有演员的声音变小。
旁白声音：见到刘楠这样一位才貌兼备的准媳妇，郭军父母都乐疯了，热情的接待了刘楠。郭军有姊妹三个，一家子其乐融融的场景让独生子女的刘楠好生羡慕。春节来了！（屏幕上出现饺子，倪萍，鞭炮图片）
新衣服，饺子，倪萍，鞭炮让这个世界洋溢着浓郁的年味。（配乐：鞭炮，喜庆音乐）
三天很快过去了，刘楠要走了！郭军心里有点感伤，但又不知道为什么。）
第四幕：
郭：刘楠，这次真的好好谢谢你，不然我都不知道该怎么办了
刘：这都是小事„„郭军，我觉得你人挺不错的，怎么一直没有找女朋友啊
郭：我没房没车，谁会看得上我啊！光顾着说我了，刘楠你呢，既漂亮，又善解人意，竟然是单身，太不可思议了
刘：（摇头）郭军，其实，这几天我过得挺开心的，谢谢你。
郭：该说谢谢的是我！对了，这是你三天来的酬劳，一共900元，你数数！
刘：（没接钱）郭军，我也想回家了！
郭：好啊，我这就给买票去
刘：等等，郭军，你知道我为什么跟父母闹别扭吗！跟你差不多，我爸妈也非让我回去相亲！
郭：那你赶紧回去吧，兴许你的真命天子就要降临了
刘：降你个头！那人照片我看了，整个一小泉纯一郎，ws得不行！郭军，你也帮我一会吧，假装我男朋友跟我回家。咱俩一报还一报，算扯平了。合同还用原来那份（掏出合同）
郭：这个„„我同意！但我有一个条件，租男友的时间要改长一些，三天不过瘾。
刘：说吧，改多长？时间太长我可付不起租金哦
郭：一万年，免费赠送
刘：„„
（刘德华：爱你一万年）演员集体上场鞠躬，谢幕：愿天下有情人终成眷属！
剧本原载于 咖啡吧剧本网：http://
第二篇：英语话剧
荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II 主持人：Hello，everyone，Welcome to watch today's program。there will be a PK between Limochou and Jingke.who will be the winner ？I think all of you have different opinions，If you support your hero。Please vote for him。The way of participation:send your hero’s name to 00000.then you will have chances to take photo with him and get your hero’s autograph.ok, start fighting.（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲
Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me? 荆轲
Of course!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁 Come on!音乐起 两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
主持人：Mr Jingke，congratulations to you，how is your felling now？
荆轲：good！
主持人：I am your fan，can you be my master? 荆轲：ok,follow me.太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my Ladygaga!Could you give me a smart answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲徒弟：maser,your bag.荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Slimming tea.It is a brand new product in China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
2（《江南styler》音乐起，荆轲,阿三，太子丹等人跳起舞。。荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，徒弟，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子道别。荆珂（深情状）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去，徒弟相随而去。
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin.Acion IV 秦王：Oh，shit，you look so rude，prim，and ugly，why？why？ 荆轲徒弟：what？you said what？please say again，Iwill kill you。荆轲（拽了拽徒弟）：淡定。
秦王（怒斥状）：please go out，otherwise，I will kill you。
徒弟：you make me awful，now，if you kill me，I won’t give you the map，you know？ 荆轲：sorry，we come here just want to make peace，please trust me。秦王：ok，please show me the map。<
荆轲走上前去，（呈恭敬状）:Sir,It’s the map.旁白：Jingke fight with King Qin,but,unluckly,Jing Ke was killed by King Qin.Then the story is over.
第三篇：英语话剧
beard is looking good there,A…..1(女)
Don‟t thank me，thank the dice.,they told me what percentage of my face to shave.….2
Why are you still doing this?.....3
Because it‟s working，…in the past few weeks ,not be bothered by trivialities,so and I‟m about
to figuring out why 1+1=2…..2
You forgot,got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants…..4
When give，also lost.…..2
Is 5 out with 6 again?...1
Yeah,every night …4
Wow, can‟t believe that he has a girlfriend….1
摇色子 me neither…2
Here‟s some other fun new on the 5 and 6,…..,he gave her a pair of diamond earrings anda car…3
You‟re kidding…..1
You think she‟s taking advantage of him?.....4
Oh ,of course not.She wouldn‟t do something like that…she is deaf….1
无奈的表情 deaf??....deaf woman can‟t be gold diggers?..4,Everyone knows that …..they are nice….1
Yeah, I actually have information about 5 that would be helpful with this discussion…2(不相信的眼神)Could you tell us?…4
Let‟s see 摇色子..(说出多少点).sorry,bud….2
Wait, hang on , two together.roll again…..1
摇色子okay ,listening to me.(都很无奈)…it doesn‟t matter if he buy lots of gifts ,because his families are vastly wealthy….2
What do you mean “vastly wealthy”?...1
Well, “wealthy” means a lot of money……”vastly” means even more…I „m not sure what you
don‟t understand…(都很无奈)...2
OK,I know they have money.i don‟t think it‟s that much….4
No,you‟re wrong…..through my survey in a few decades, his familiers are‟t just rich ,they‟re Richie Rich rich….2
Well,so how much is that?..1
About halfway between xietingfeng and zhangbozhi….2
what?? The last time we went to the zoo….,that son made me buy him ice cream…3
4走出教室(哼着歌)listen,guys, I need to go call 5‟s sister ,who I love so much…..so vastly much….4
OK….,so he is very rich …1
And he pay off all her credit cards…3
What??.damn it ,I could have date 5 for a coulp months….but I „m not that kind of girl….we should really talk to 5….1
He‟s not going to listen…he is in love….3
Can‟t know what to do?.?.....now,excuse me,…I have to….摇色子….stay right here…..2
第四篇：英语话剧
I used to have my dream!
我有过梦想 旁白（谢秋霞）：
Now I am a freshman.These days I suddenly find how I cherish the memory of my previous life!In those days my classmates and I worked hard for our dreams!We even do not know what was tired.Therefore，we could study at night with our own hand lights and we could get up so early as the sky was still dark.What we only know was that we have our own dreams and we would not be ordinary people.However it seemd that everything is changing!I am beginning not to know who I am and what I am doing and where my ambitions are!Scene one: 闹铃响起
No.1（尹思阳）: Oh, my lady gaga!It is already 7:60!Get up!Quickly!Quickly!Get up!Get up!Get up!We are late!No.2（肖翠平）: What classes will have this morning? No.1: Let me see!Uh。。。English and RS!No.2: Oh, English? It’s so cool.I won’t go to the classroom!No.3（孙川）: Are you sure that we will have English at our first class? No.1: Uh……Yes!No.3: he he a o, he he a o ,he he he he(啄木鸟叫声)，I just made a hard decision that I won’t go to the classroom too!No.4（陆坤）：I am three!No.1: Ok, as your good brother.I want to be four!No.2、No.3and No.4 together shout to No.1: No!As our respected and handsome and strong brother, you must go there in case of the teachers’ calling!No.1: Uh…… Ok, you know that When I smile like this :he he, in fact I am thinking that you are all fools in my heart!No.2、No.3 and No.4 together smile to No.1:He he……
Scene two:(No.1 has just gone!)No.2: Get up!Get up!It’s time to keep on playing our game!We have no time because of the coming examinations!Therefore we must speed up!No.3: Oh, yeah!No.2 is right!Come on No.4!No.4: Uh…….O…….K!At this time, a man break into the room!No.2、No.3 and No.4 feel puzzled!No.2 : Who are you?(并仔细的开始观察他)好一会过后No.2如梦初醒！
No.2: No.feiwu? Are you No.feiwu? Oh, my dear feiwu.Long time no see!No.3 and No.4: Feiwu? He is feiwu? Oh, my god!Am I still sleeping?(掐对方)Er……I can’t feel any pain.No.4: A……
No.feiwu（李缘）: Do you have any money to borrow me? No.2、No.3 and No.4: No, it’s not the thing that we don’t
have t money to borrow to you!It is because that we don’t want you to keep on going to the net bar and we don’t want you to go on corrupt.(堕落的)No.feiwu: All of you are so stingy!(小声的)No.2、No.3 and No.4 all keep quite, and begin to play their games!No.feiwu climb his own bed and begin to sleep.Scene three:（当
No.2、No.3、No.4玩的正兴起的时候，No.4的电话响了）
No.4: Hello!My baby!How do you know that I am not in class? Girlfriend: Uh? Don’ t you forget about our appointment that you accompany with me to buy that lovely skirt by skipping our English class? No.4: How can it be possible!Girlfriend: Wuwuwu
…….you are lying!You just don’t love me!Wuwuwuw
…….No.4: Oh, my baby, I love you.I really love you!I was just preparing to see you!Wait me!I will go there in two minutes!
No.4:Feiwu, Lend me 100 yuan!No.feiwu: What?
Scene Four：
旁白：The time is so fast!It’s already 7:30 at p.m.No.4 was just coming from the supermarket with her girlfriend.No.4: How long do you play the game? No.3: Uh, all the time since you go.And we have only one barrier to pass now!How is your appointment?
No.4: Uh…..Don’t speak that!I In the supermarke ,She seemd like everything, but she only just have try at every store!Yeah , every store!Oh, my god!I nearly can’t put up with it!笑声，近乎疯狂但又深表同情的笑声！
No.1、No.2 and No.3 together : Our girlfriends are the same!No.2: Oh, yeah!I pass it!No.1、No.3 and No.4：Really？ No.2: Yes!四人开始跳舞庆祝！
No1： Now shouldn’t we celebrate it by drinking something？ No.2、No.3 and No.4: Of course!We should!No.1: No.feiwu? would you join us to drink? No.feiwu: Uh…...Ok.But please be quite!I will call my mother for some money.全场肃静！
Mum: Hello, my dear!Your money has used up, isn’t it? No.feiwu: Uh……
Mum：Ok.This time I will post 1000 yuan to you for the reason that I will go to Beijing to build houses in next two month!My son,you should eat well!Don’t think about the money!Your mother is still strong ,therefore, though without your father, I believe that I can help you finish your dream!Ok, that’s all!Now I go to post the money to you!电话挂断后长长的尾音！《老男孩》歌曲响起！旁白：
Dream? What are our dreams? We used to tell ourselves that we can let our life become better and better!We can feed all of our family!We should have our own businesses!We won’t be ordinary people and so on!However, what are we doing? Playing computer games, skipping classes, drinking ……….That’s the way that we accomplish our dreams？Don’t we want to think that have we realize our previous dreams when we become old? Or we just let our own dreams accomplish by our children?
第五篇：英语话剧
搞笑小品剧本《史上最牛的相亲》
员1（男扮女装）嗨！帅哥！笑什么笑啊！没见过美女啊！你那个撮样，都流口水了！哎!没办法撒！家里人就是烦，非要让我来相亲！你说像我这么温柔，这么漂亮的姑娘，就算不嫁给贝克汉姆，那也该嫁给姚明吧！......其实呢！我今年年纪也不小了，都.....18了！
台下人：我看28还差不多！
演员1：谁说的，给老娘我站出来，我看你是老鼠舔猫屁股调戏不要命啊！哼！............他怎么还不来啊？也太没诚意了！
演员2：有诚意！有诚意！你好！（一瘸一拐的上来了，还满头大汗）
演员1：你好！......喝水！
演员2：我不喝水！
演员1：你不渴吗?
演员2：不！我都渴了十几年了！别人总嘲笑我，说我11路老出故障，底盘该修了！
演员1：他们怎么能这样呢，胡说八道！没一点爱心！
演员2：我先自我介绍一下啊！我姓尹！名荡坦荡的荡！
演员1：你好！尹荡!
演员2：我看见你我有点紧张，我今年25哦不对！我今年26了！出生在一个美丽的大城市…哈密！我没正经读过几年书！自从牛津大学毕业后，就没有在上了！我现在也没找工作！家里也没钱，就我爸他不是刚给我6百万创业吗！所以他也就没钱了啊！其实我是个弱势群体，就像在学校一样，我经常打架，但打架分为两种，一种是打别人，而我却属于另一种！
演员1：不是吧！你有被虐待的爱好！
演员2：其实我的爱好挺多！做运动啊！上网啊！我就想找个年轻貌美气质佳的女孩子！能陪我上….上网，陪我做….做运动！
演员1：你怎么结…结巴啊？
演员2：我平时很正常的，只有说话时才结巴！其实我感觉你挺好的！
演员1：真的吗？你真有眼光！
演员2：我还不知道你叫啥呢？
演员1：我的中文名字叫赵晓珊，我的英文…….我还没想到！
演员2：你叫找小三!
演员1：你讨厌!你好坏啊!欺负人家啊！
演员2：笑声！.....哎！你是哪里人啊？
演员1：我是陕西人！
演员2：你是陕西人，哎！你咋不早年传？看把人憋得的难受的。
演员1：你看你喔瓜怂样！
演员3(导演)：你看你两个喔瓜怂样！早告诉你我们演的是郎才女貌，不是豺狼虎豹！用普通话把陕西方言表达出来，听见没有！表情！注意表情！开始！
演员1：你看你那瓜怂样！
演员3：你会不会说普通话啊？你要是不会说普通话那，你就包说普通话，你要是不会说普通话呢，你就去蹲那墙觉觉！
（两个人都笑了）！
演员3：停！你笑什么笑啊！跟鬼一样还笑！（跟演员1男伴女装的说）
你！你脑袋是不是被驴踢了！（对演员2说）
演员2：导演!不是！这不公平啊导演！你说我长得这么帅，你让我演一个瘸子！他长的那么丑你让他演一美女，还要我给他念情诗！
演员3：不行..你们换换！
演员2：别！别！别！
演员3：就这样！开始了啊！开始！
演员1：你看是你那瓜怂样
演员2：傻都是因为你，才犯的傻！为了你，我还写了一首诗：题目是2012我的爱！那是在一个秋高气爽，阳光明媚的....傍晚！我千里迢迢来找你，我找啊找啊找！找啊找啊找！找啊找啊找！我终于找到了你，你那迷人的眼神，魔鬼般的身材，还有那白皙的脸蛋！（眼睛看看演员1的脸，然后做呕吐状）！
演员3：卡！停！怎么回事啊！
演员2：导演对不起，我实在忍不住了！
演员3：你说你们这些年轻人啊！没一个有责任心的！我平时说你那都是为你们好，不要以为自己是名牌大学毕业的就不知道天高地厚，有了一点点小小的成就，就飘飘然，就谁也不放在眼里了！我们虽然演的是小角色，但我们反映的是大生活！世界很美好啊！角色虽小，却寄托着你对每一个看你表演的人的尊重！人生就像一部戏，酸甜苦辣无味色，学会尊重别人，学会尊重自己，这就是生活！
演员1：好！鼓掌！
演员2：好！鼓掌！
演员3：对不起我还没说完呢！我认为年轻人多吃点苦那是很有必要的，对你的人生是中历练，你会从中学到很多！
演员2：导演我知道了！不是有一句话说的好!吃尽苦中，苦方为..虫.中.虫！（站在高处做个手撑天得动作）
演员1：他脑袋确实被驴踢过！（对演员3也就是导演说）
演员4：吃药了！吃药了！下来!下来！医院里不许站那么高！（原来这是在精神病院发生的事）
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