第一篇：搞笑英语话剧剧荆轲刺秦王(正文及翻译)
《荆珂刺秦王》
旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲是最有名的剑客并被派去杀清王，嬴政。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么事？好吧，下面将会告诉你真相。
Action I 太子丹：(上，掏出乒乓球拍梳头，做自恋状)Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?（向幕里大叫）Where is my minister? 镜子，镜子，告诉我，这个世界上最漂亮的人是谁？(画外音：是你，太子丹！)谢谢你的镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一个嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相他会杀了我。我很害怕。我该怎么办呢？我大臣在哪里？
阿三:（毕恭毕敬）Honey, I am coming.亲爱的，我来了。
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!（极快速的说，边说边指点数落阿三）
我告诉过你一次又一次，你应该叫我“我最美丽的、优雅、英俊、迷人、可爱、聪明和最亲爱的太子丹”！
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~（作杀状）
当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政~
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 欧耶！二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但谁是合适的人选？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.经过筛选后我手上有两个有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将PK为世界头号杀手。太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，给我尽快得主，好吗？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荆轲：（滑太空步上场）Are you Li mochou?（荆轲先上场，李莫愁随后，上场后慢慢围绕场地转）李莫愁：Yes.荆轲：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荆轲，你知道，我会让你知道我是世界头号杀手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑战我吗？
荆轲：Off course!（耸耸肩表示同意，耍酷）李莫愁：Come on!（音乐起《DJ重金属纯音乐》）两人冲上前来
荆轲：Look！帅哥！看！，帅哥
李莫愁回头看太子丹，太子丹做自恋状 荆轲挥刀砍中李莫愁
李莫愁倒地（李莫愁以单膝倒地的姿势倒下，两人保持背对）荆轲大笑（曾小贤的笑声）
李莫愁：What happened? Are you 使诈？（向后看）发生了什么？你使诈？
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（华丽转身加甩头发）
赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.（上来两个人把李莫愁扛走）
妈妈常说：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永远不知道你会得到什么。“我明白了，妈妈是对的。
荆轲再次大笑（假装笑呛着了，咳嗽~）太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（微笑）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?（伸出手，准备和荆轲握手）
哦，天哪！你能给我一个创新的回答“你好吗？” 荆柯：Sure!（扣了下鼻孔，然后向太子丹伸出手）
太子丹：How are you?（很不情愿，且很恶心，但还是握了手，收回手，并用力的甩了两下）
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（正经的说）太子丹吐血（阿三接住，荆轲从前面拉住）荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please?（重新站起）哦，我也是在开玩笑呢！我可以要一张你的名片吗？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：UFO!(荆轲手指天上，阿三望指的方向看)I am busy now!（快速的说）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.（太子丹跳到荆轲面前说）
荆柯：UFO!（荆轲手指另一边，太子丹望指的方向看）I am very busy now!（再次快速的说）
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？
荆柯：I am very very busy now!（指向另一边的方向）太子丹响指一打，手一挥
音乐起《Nobody-Wonder片段》
阿三：（手指上场的美女，激动状）Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（双手指向荆轲）
看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你说好的，她就是你的。
荆柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不说她是一个非常性感美丽的女孩，但中医是我唯一的爱！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM 嘿，兄弟！你这么聪明，但为什么你不知道中医？TCM就是中国传统美眉
太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is doudou tea It can kill your doudou！（手指向荆轲的脸，荆轲捂住脸）if you help us doudou tea is yours（手敲了敲痘痘茶，然后递给荆轲）
我必须告诉你的王牌。女士们，先生们，这是痘痘茶。他可以治好你的痘痘 荆柯：doudou tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.（把痘痘茶装进怀里）
痘痘茶！我梦想它数千次。
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Why don’t you close it up Although your eyes are full of sincerity（抱住荆轲用力的指了指他的脑门）,（荆轲地道的说了一句“让我看看值不值啊”，然后拿出手掐指开始算）I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？你为什么把它收起来？虽然你很有诚意，我很高兴，你还是要说出来。你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要？
音乐起《猪八戒背媳妇片段》
荆轲与阿三开始跳舞，最后把阿三甩飞 音乐起《千年等一回片段》 荆轲与太子丹开始跳舞
荆柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告诉我，我应该做什么？我会为你做任何事。太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）：Yeah！
Action III 音乐起
荆轲挽着妻子，太子丹，阿三在后
阿三：（跑到荆轲面前）Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我们已经达到了沂水河。
荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在这里。再见，我的朋友
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹上前和荆轲拥抱，太子丹假装荆轲身上很臭，刚抱到立马离开，然后拍拍自己的衣服）音乐起《你是风儿我是沙片段》 荆珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我爱你。对我而言，你比这个世界上的任何东西都更有意义。
荆珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更爱你。哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你。
妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么样。作为一个男人，就去做！我会一直在这里等你。
荆珂：Sweetheart!You must promise me…you must promise you will survive...you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...never let go…never let go…never let go go go~~宝贝！你一定不能背叛我„你一定不能背叛我„你不要放弃„不管发生什么事„无论多么的绝望„现在就答应我，永远不要忘记…永远不要忘记…永远不要忘记~~ 妻子：“I promise.” 音乐起《纤夫的爱》
荆轲拿着剑走出场，又绕了一圈，再走出场，歌曲唱完留给荆轲场一句“哥哥我岸上走”
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 这是一个去死的好日子。再也回不来了。不......从未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.谢谢你.当我得到人寿保险1000000美元，我将把它的一半，500000美元到您的帐户。
阿三：Okay okay!
Action IV
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荆轲送往秦，最终被嬴政杀了。
荆轲(一个人上场拿着剑用地道的方言)：你败跑啊，你败跑啊你！音乐起《枪声》 荆轲倒在地上 音乐起《秘密》
END
第二篇：荆轲刺秦王(搞笑英语小话剧,英语及翻译)
《荆珂刺秦王》
旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲是最有名的剑客并被派去杀清王，嬴政。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么事？好吧，下面将会告诉你真相。
Action I 太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!)Thank u mirror!I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do? Where is my minister? 镜子，镜子，告诉我，这个世界上最漂亮的人是谁？(画外音：是你，太子丹！)谢谢你的镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一个嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相他会杀了我。我很害怕。我该怎么办呢？我大臣在哪里？
阿三: Honey, I am coming.亲爱的，我来了。
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
我告诉过你一次又一次，你应该叫我“我最美丽的、优雅、英俊、迷人、可爱、聪明和最亲爱的太子丹”！
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~ 当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政~
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 欧耶！二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但谁是合适的人选？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.经过筛选后我手上有两个有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将PK为世界头号杀手。
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 好的，给我尽快得主，好吗？ 阿三：Yes.Action II 荆轲：Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁：Yes.荆轲：OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的。我是荆轲，你知道，我会让你知道我是世界头号杀手之王。李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 你想挑战我吗？ 荆轲：Off course!
李莫愁：Come on!李莫愁：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
发生了什么？你为什么不疼？
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we? 赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.妈妈常说：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永远不知道你会得到什么。“我明白了，妈妈是对的。太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
哦，天哪！你能给我一个创新的回答“你好吗？”？ 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!May I have your name card, please? 哦，我也是在开玩笑呢！我可以要一张你的名片吗？ 阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? IC、ID、IQ卡？
荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三: Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你说好的，她就是你的。
荆柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不说她是一个非常性感美丽的女孩，但中医是我唯一的爱！阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯：Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.嘿，兄弟！你这么聪明，但为什么你不知道中医？任何人都可以给你答案。阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.传统的中国美眉
太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.我必须告诉你的王牌。女士们，先生们，这是立顿减肥茶。这是一个全新的联合利华中国产品。
荆柯：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.减肥茶！我梦想它数千次。我的妻子总是威胁说要离开我，如果我不能减轻我的体重。
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really? 你想得倒好？假如你想要！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你很有诚意，我很高兴，你还是要说出来。你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要？ 荆柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告诉我，我应该做什么？我会为你做任何事。
Action III
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我们已经达到了沂水河。
荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 就停在这里。再见，我的朋友 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.荆珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我爱你。对我而言，你比这个世界上的任何东西都更有意义。荆珂：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.我更爱你。哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你。
妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.怎么样。作为一个男人，就去做！我会一直在这里等你。
荆珂：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise 亲爱的！你一定要帮我这个忙„答应我你会活下去„你绝不会放弃„不管发生什么事„无论多么的绝望„现在就答应我，永远不要忘记你的承诺 妻子：“I promise.” 荆轲：“Never let go.“
永不放弃
妻子：”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go." 妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 这是一个去死的好日子。再也回不来了。不......从未......妻子：Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.谢谢你.当我得到人寿保险1000000美元，我将把它的一半，500000美元到您的帐户。
阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.然后荆轲送往秦，最终被嬴政杀了。
第三篇：英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王
4-5人剧本，短小搞笑
Roles: 太子丹；荆轲；荆轲妻；谋士阿三；莫愁；旁白 旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲
Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me? 荆轲
Of course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
太子丹：（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.荆柯(诚恳状)If you give me a TCM, I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，荆珂：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）荆珂上船，渐渐远去
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End
第四篇：英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王
4-5人剧本，短小搞笑
Roles: 太子丹；荆轲；荆轲妻；谋士阿三；莫愁；旁白 旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲
Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me? 荆轲
Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑 李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End
第五篇：大学生英语话剧--荆轲刺秦王
旁白： Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country，there were some crazy
people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qin,“Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? OK, next show will tell you the truth. Part one 太子丹 : Yingzheng,that bad guy ,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons
in his hand,he never cares about me---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen againHey！I must think out a good idea.I must make him know who I am.嬴政,那个坏家伙,对待我比以前更糟了。仰仗着他手里人多,他从不顾忌我---太阳下最明智的王子。最近,他从我手里夺去了更多的城池。,如果这些事发生，我如何生活嘿！我得想出一个好主意。我要让他知道我是谁。
太子丹:Indeed, tell me what shall we do now? 事实上,告诉我,我们应该做些什么呢?
阿三:Just keep calm,please!Let me see!只是保持镇静,请!让我看看!
Ok get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~好的,我找到了,我们可以送一个英雄,把嬴政~ ~ Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qin is ours~~~ 那么,所有的美女、首饰和城市在秦代是
我们的~ ~ ~太子:Ha, ha~~~.Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent? 哈哈~ ~ ~。好主意,好主意!但你认为谁是可以送到呢? 阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue.He is traveling in our country these
days.I think we can’t lose the chance.We must employ him quickly.我认为,我们可以派遣西门吹雪。他这些日子在我国旅游。我认为我们不能失去这个机会。我们必须雇用他
太子:Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.嗯,处理事情尽快。
Part two
西门吹雪 :Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy.Stand out.今天我来战斗,谁是unwanted-life的家伙。站出来
荆轲站在一边，不敢出大气。
旁白：Competition begins.荆轲Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?
西门吹雪：Just come on.荆轲：Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story
西门吹雪： what a boring man!How dare you ask me such a stupid question?
荆轲My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!
西门吹雪I thought Jingke is a hero.But you beg for life.How can I forgive you ,Give you your
life.(我认为荆轲是一个英雄。但你求手下留情。我怎么能原谅你给你留一条命呢 Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬头)where is the toilet?也许
我吃了太多的今天早上,也许有大米毛病了。厕所在哪里? 荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 西门吹雪：WC.荆轲：W-C-? 西门吹雪：茅厕！Are you happy to hear such rude words?你很高兴听到这样粗鲁的话? 荆轲：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.我知道,我知道。向左拐,左拐再左拐.西门吹雪下。太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.请问你叫什么名字?英雄.荆轲不屑一顾。太子丹May I have your name, please?我可以知道你的名字吗? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.---Happy prince
of the gostjingke：宁 在 花 下 死，作 鬼 也 风 流 —快活魔王荆轲是也
太子丹：I am glad to meet you 荆柯：Me too 荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。阿三：Hero, wait for a moment.I have a problem needs your help。英雄,稍等片刻。我有一个问题,需要你的帮助． 太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.荆柯欲走又止。太子丹: Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.这是一张卡片,周游世界免费,请接受吧,英雄。荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走 太子丹：I must use the last way.Ladies and gentlemen.This is Miss Huang!我一定要用过去的方式。女士们,先生们。这是黄小姐。有一妖艳女子走上，走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。荆柯两眼发直。太子丹与阿三Yeah!荆柯：Great man, both born and die for his motherland.I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty.What shall I do? Prince, just say it out.But this lady„„ 伟大的人,出生和死亡都为他的祖国。我不是那个人只是想要钱和美丽。我该做什么呢?王子,就说出来。但是这个女人„„ 太子丹：No problem.没问题。 Part three 挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿着地图，一手提头上。阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.我们已经达到沂水河。荆珂：Please just stop here.Goodbye.请在这里停车。再见。太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further英雄,让我送你一些 荆珂：What a boring guy.If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me 多么无聊的一场的家伙。如果你再走一段,然后你会代替我去秦 太子丹：Well.Goodbye.Hero.Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king 好。再见。英雄。这是地图和樊于期的头部,从而获得信任,尽显王者风范 荆珂 ：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you.Once I think
I will kill Yingzheng.I can’t help rushing into W.C.you known.I don’t want to go.I don’t want to go.我怎样才能表达我现在的感受吗?我不想离开,因为我爱你。只要想到我会杀了Yingzheng。我不能自己的冲进了厕所。我不想去。我不想去。
女子：Don’t worry.Do you still love me?别担心。你还爱着我吗?
荆珂：Sure.I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.当然。我爱你,就像老鼠爱大米。我爱你胜过我的生命,超过我的妻子,超过整个世 界。你就是我的第一次接吻,我希望你将会是最后一个。女子：Well.If you are still loving me.You should not make me sad Stand up like a man.Don’
t be fearful.I will be right here waiting for you.好。如果你仍然爱我。你不应该让我伤心站起来像一个人。别无所畏惧。我将在这里等着你。
荆珂：You must wait for me.你必须等我。
女子努力挤出几滴眼泪，旁白”I will be right here waiting for you”(我将在这里等着你)响起
荆珂上船，渐渐远去，女子：Hey！You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought for you will have no use.Go to your doom.Never come back.嘿!你想回来,用你的猪头,如果你回来,我买的保险就没有用了。去你的末日。永远都不会回来了。
一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.嘿,坏运气。我来晚了。这个月的奖金已经失去。大臣乙：I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.我累了。我在QQ上聊天,直到昨晚1点钟。大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Your skin is fine.好。好。你的皮肤很好 大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.我用“大宝”每一天 大臣乙：I have heardthe emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look。我的心的皇帝再给我们的王燕一些好东西。快点,看了一下。大臣甲：Come on 秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。卫兵丙：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin” 卫兵丙：“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in”让人们燕国,荆轲进来 荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。秦王：“Jingke.What’s wrong with you？”荆柯,你有什么不舒服吗? 荆柯：“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.没有。没有。可能有许多跳蚤在我身上 秦王（不烦）：What’s the good things，quickly！”有什么好东西,快!荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only响起）秦王摔倒，转身逃跑，其他人抱头趴在地上。两个人围着大臣兜圈，过了一会儿„„ 大臣甲喊道：“ King, drink the milk quickly!”（国王，快喝牛奶）扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，立刻将荆柯打倒在地。秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?超级垃圾,你怎么敢杀我? 荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But it is the prince of Yan told me to do that。Please forgive me!对不起,我错了,但燕国国王指使我。请您原谅我吧!秦王：You will never live again.What would you like to say?你将永远不会再活。你想说什么? 荆柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish
it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.我的可爱的女人,曾经有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前的眼睛,但是我没有珍惜。只有在失去它。我发现自己后悔了。世界上没有痛苦来到附近,如果上天能再给我一次机会,我想说的是,这个女孩说“我爱你!“如果有在这份爱上加上一个期限结束前的爱。我希望它会是一万年。
秦王（吼道）：Soldiers ,drag him out and put the pig head on the wall！士兵,拖出去并把这头猪的头挂在墙上！
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