第一篇：英语课堂教学小笑话
英语课堂教学小笑话
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad.How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.” “But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: “You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny.Where did you find the cheese?” “In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
第二篇：英语小笑话
1）不差钱
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.一个愁容满面的穷人走进大夫的诊室。
“Doctor,” he said, “you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.” “大夫！”他说，“你一定要帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！” “Good heavens, man!” said the doctor.“Why have you waited so long?
Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?” “天哪，你这个人啊”大夫说，“早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？” “To tell you the truth, Doctor,” the poor man replied, “I didn't need the money so badly then.” “实话告诉您吧，大夫，”穷人说，“我当时还不缺钱！” 英语小笑话（2）迟到了！
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,“School-Go slow”.老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着“学校----慢行”.英语小笑话（3）你会说什么 How much English can you speak? “Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around.What's more, he only speaks a few words of English.” The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?” The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!” “法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。” 法官看了看被告，问道：“你会说多少英文？” 被告抬起头，说：“把你的钱包给我！” 英语小笑话（4）可怜的丈夫
The poor husband
“You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,” the man complained to his friend.“She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.中文翻译：
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” 英语小笑话（5）我没有睡着 I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: ”Wake up, sir!“ ”I wasn't asleep,“ the man answered.”Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.“ ”I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.中文翻译：
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好像是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说:“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 英语小笑话（6）一个真正的男子汉 One real man The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely（严格地，严厉地）.Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel（劝告，建议）to step to the left side of the hall.All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted（胆小的）dunces（傻瓜）why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds 一个真正的男子汉
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。
然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆 英语小笑话（7）国王和他的故事
Once there was a king.He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good.As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer.He waited the writer to praise these stories.But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire.The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.After some time, the king set him free.Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.” 国王和他的故事
从前有一个国王，他喜欢写故事，但是他写的故事很不好。人们怕他，都说他的故事好。有一天国王把他的故事给一名作家看，他想要作家赞扬他的这些故事，而作家说他的故事是如此的差以至于该扔进火里。国王很生气，把他送到监狱。
过了些日子，国王给了作家自由。国王重新将自己的一些新故事给作家看并问他感觉怎么样。
作家看了之后立刻转身对士兵说着;“请把我送回监狱吧。” 英语小笑话（8）买冰
Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.Two hours later, he didn’t come back.She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look.She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting.“What’s the matter?” She asked him.“Why don’t you bring it in?”
“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的丈夫买几块冰。两个小时后，他还没回来。
她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。
她问他：“怎么啦？你为什么不把它拿进来？”
“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。
英语小笑话（9）卖扫帚的人和理发师
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved.The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.“Two pence,” said the man.“No, no, ” said the barber, “I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again.” The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.“A penny.” said the barber.“I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.” 卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱.卖扫帚的人说:“两便士” “不,不”理发师说,“我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去.” 卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱.卖扫帚的人说:“我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上.英语小笑话（10）采购过早
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.”What are you charged with?“ he asked.”Doing my christmas shopping early,“ replied the defendant.”That's no offense,“ replied the judge, ”How early were you doing this shopping?“ ”Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？” 在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
第三篇：英语小笑话!~
搞笑英语短文
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
“Are we poisonous?” the young snake asked his mother.“Yes, dear,” she repliedflunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop.“ Two days later he received a response: ”Pop prepared.Prepare yourself." 自己做好准备
校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
第四篇：英语小笑话
校园幽默四则
1.Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2.The Fish Net
“Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?”
“A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl.鱼网
“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？” 老师发问道。
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。” 小女孩回答道。
3.The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.“George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother.“I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too.....”
新老师
9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。
“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”
4.A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。经典英语小笑话
1.the lowest grade “Professor, I did the best I could on this test.I really don't think I deserve a zero.” “Neither do I.But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give.” 最低分
学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”
老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” 2.Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: “The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.” 逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。” 本贴来自天极网群乐社区--http://q.yesky.com/group/review-10130234.html TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, “School-Go Slow”.汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：“学校----慢行。” DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, “You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?” “No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself,” said Tim.你爸爸帮你了吗？
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：“蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？” “不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。” 英语幽默笑话
Tom call Jim's name:“I can't bear such a foolish!” and Jim say:“You mother could(bear)!” 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:“我受不了你这个苯蛋了!” 吉姆说:“你妈妈能!” 附:bear 有两重意思:“生”和“忍受”这个笑话正是根据这点.英语笑话故事 1.He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。2.I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother.“I'd know him any where,” said Ivan.“I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
第五篇：英语小笑话 带翻译
One day a person meet god......God suddenly decide to give the man a wish......God asked......What wishes do you have......The man thinking......Heard that cats have9 lives......Would you please give me9 lives......God said......Your wish come true......One day, the boring...Want to say one death to die......There are9 life lying on the tracks......The results of a train in the past......The man was dead......Why is this?
Because the train compartment having10day......有个人一天碰到上帝......上帝突然大发善心打算给那人一个愿望......上帝问......你有什么愿望吗......那个人想了想......听说猫都有9条命......那请您赐给我9条命吧......上帝说......你的愿望实现咯......一天，那个人闲来无聊......想说去死一死算了......反正有9条命嘛 就躺在铁轨上......结果一辆火车开过去......那人还是死了......这是为什么呢？
因为那列火车的车厢有10节......Music class the teacher played a Beethoven song
Xiao Ming asked her:“ do you understand music?”
Xiaohua:“ yes”
Xiao Ming:“ you know what teachers do in the shells?”
Xiaohua:“ piano.”
音乐课上 老师弹了一首贝多芬的曲子
小明问小华：“你懂音乐吗？”
小华：“是的”
小明：“那你知道老师在弹什麼吗？”
小华: “钢琴。”
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run.It left fifteen minutes ago.旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？
售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。
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