第一篇：灰姑娘搞笑话剧剧本
灰姑娘（剧本）
人物：灰姑娘，王子,继母，继妹，小精灵，礼仪小姐，旁白，小卓子,宫女。
旁白：故事像时间一样久远，孤苦伶仃的灰姑娘从小就备受她同父异母的妹妹和她那母夜叉一样的后母的欺辱。妹（从灰手中抢过一个铅笔盒）：给我！灰：这是我的！（母上）
母：你想要的话就跟我说嘛，你要是不说我怎么知道你想要呢，你想要的话我又怎么会不给你呢，你不说的话，我是不会知道你想要的，这样不就冤枉了为母吗？所以说，以后你想要的话，就一定要对我说，我是不会不给你的，如果你想要„„ 灰：什么乱七八糟的，听不懂。
母：好吧，我再给你说一遍，你想要的话就跟我说嘛，你要是不说我怎么知道你想要呢，你想要的话我又怎么会不给你呢，你不说的话，我是不会知道你想要的，这样不就冤枉了为母吗？所以说，以后你想要的话，就一定要对我说，我是不会不给你的，如果你想要„„
灰（捂耳朵）：啊，我受不了了。（跑开）（下）旁白：这一天，母亲收到了一条来自皇室的短信。（母站着，边看手机边念）
母：西元2012年12月25号，皇室将召开隆重的Party,地点：万秀园四层。
（妹上）
妹：mother,说不定还会选妃呦。
母：哎呀妈呀，俺咋没想到呢，小样儿，I’m proud of you！（下）旁白：这一切都被躲在一旁的灰姑娘听到了，她深知自己不能参加party，于是心情超级无敌郁闷。（王子在一旁做洗澡状）灰：今夜我又来到你的窗外，窗帘儿上你的影子多么可爱。王子（打了一个喷嚏）：讨厌了啦，谁又在想人家了啦。（王子下）旁白：这时，一个小精灵出现了。
（小精灵上场蹦蹦跳跳走两圈，走到场中央再转一圈）小精灵：come on,baby,you love him,don’t you? 灰姑娘：小样儿，你就不能说中文啊。
小精灵：在思维的盲角，我们撞在奇迹上，除去不可能的事，剩下的即使再不可能，但那也是真相，因为有标准答案的通常都不是问题„„
灰姑娘：stop，你就不能说句人话啊！
小精灵：要想过得好，必须吃得饱；要想心情好，分数必考好；要想成绩高，各科别忘掉；要想在落寞的繁华中找寻自己的方向，就必须„„
灰姑娘：oh，no！你就说你想说什么吧！小精灵：想与王子在一起吗？
灰姑娘：废话，若是不想，哀家来这儿干嘛？
小精灵：移动用户请编辑短信“王子王子我爱你，就像老鼠爱大米”至110,联通用户请编辑短信 „„ 灰姑娘：打住，我这么穷，哪来的手机啊。
小精灵：OK，Let’s make it a deal！我借给你法宝三件，有请我们的礼仪小姐上场！
（礼仪小姐上）
礼仪小姐：NO.1，张靓颖牌迷死人假睫毛一双，NO.2，金光星牌不显胖苗条晚礼服一套，NO.3，也是我们今天的重头戏哦！陈水扁牌踩贬你水晶鞋一双！灰姑娘：这么少啊？
小精灵：别急，还有李登辉牌你等会儿手纸一卷大奉送！灰姑娘：我晕！
小精灵：记住，12点之前必须回来，否则„„ 灰姑娘：怎样？
小精灵： 12点之后，所有这些都会消失，除了水晶鞋以外，所以„„（向左右看看），我告诉你一条密计（悄悄说着什么）！（下）旁白：激动人心的一天终于来到了，灰姑娘戴着张靓颖牌迷死人假睫毛，穿着金光星牌不显胖苗条晚礼服，蹬上陈水扁牌踩贬你水晶鞋，兜里揣着李登辉牌你等会儿手纸上路了。而这一切，她同父异母的妹妹和她那母夜叉一样的后母还全然不知。
（妹，妈，上）
妹：妈咪，我们就这样把她丢在家里，是不是有点„„ 妈：这很公平啊。妹：做人要厚道。妈：如果你再这样说，那么我要告诉你，妈咪很生气，后果很严重。吾意已决，毋庸赘言！
旁白：激动人心的时刻终于来临了，在party上，英俊的王子和美丽的灰姑娘邂逅了。
（王子和小卓子上）
王子：唉，小卓子，今天到场的姑娘怎么都长得比你还难看呢？一个个的猪腰子脸。
小卓子：真不会审美，这哪叫猪腰子脸啊，这是正宗的鞋拔子脸！我跟着王后娘娘那几年，见的世面可多了！
宫女：王子，门外有一姑娘求见！坐马车的，穿礼服的，是接见还是不见？
王子（见到灰）：妹子，我们是不是见过？ 灰姑娘：也许吧。
妹：妈咪你看！那不是„„（指向灰）妈：怎么会呢！别管她！
旁白：王子和灰姑娘跳了很久很久，直到12点„„
灰：oh my god！王子，虽然我很舍不得你，但我得走了，886！王：嘿，你还没吃东西！（追向跑走的灰）（礼仪小姐把一张写着水晶鞋的纸放在地上）
王（拾起水晶鞋）：啊，这是那姑娘的水晶鞋！我一定要找到她！（全下）
旁白：经过千山万水（假走好久），王子终于找到了灰姑娘，把她带回了皇宫。（全体手拉手：故事到此结束，谢谢大家！）
第二篇：英语灰姑娘话剧剧本
《灰姑娘》剧本
白 : long long ago, there lived a girl.Her mother had died and her father had married again,His new wife had two daugters.They are so bad as their mother.The poor girl had to work day and night.She must sleep in the kitchen.She weared drity clothes.All of them called her cinders for Cinderella.However, we’ll show you a different play today.(灰姑娘昂首挺胸帅气十足地上场)
旁白 ：She is so strong, and smart.Especially she is good at sport.Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘冲刺,旁边老师读秒:11’9)
Now, she is playing basketball.(灰姑娘以一敌众,轻松灌篮)
Now,she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,对手倒)
This is her----Cinderella
灰姑娘(怒,看旁白):Do you finish?
旁白 :Ok(结巴)continue, even she is perfect, she still can’t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----
继母(假装洗衣服):How cold the water!I’m too old to do anything, My leg is so painful.(灰姑娘默,从继母手中拿过洗衣盆)
(一姐将盆碗碰得乱响.灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过盆碗)
(一姐手持针线缝衣,刺手,尖叫—灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过衣服)
第一幕
(灰姑娘在帮后母按摩肩膀)
二姐(奔入,扬动手中传单):Mom, Mom, Look!There are some leaflets.I got them on the street.The King is having a party.The Prince will look for a wife.一姐(托腮):I must be choosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world.二姐(凭空跳舞):No, Not you.I have the charming shape, I am the Queen.(两姐争吵起来,继母从女儿手中拿过传单,亲吻)
继母 :Oh, baby.Stop.You two are the most beautiful girls in our country.He will probably choose one of you.Come on , make up yourself.We haven’t enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come here, help your sisters!
灰姑娘 :OK, I will.But, mom, can I go to the party tonight? I want to------
(三人敛神)
一姐 :Oh, my God!I forgot Tim’s homework.He gave us a lot of homework..I can’t finish, what should I do ?
二姐(拿书,指,附和):Oh, Yes, Yes.Look, execise A, excise B, excise C, excise D, excise E, Oh, planning tree, essay, study plan------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God!Oh, my party!My Prince!My happyness!and the country’s future!
灰姑娘(慌乱,安慰):My sisters, don't cry!I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!(母女三人一通忙乱后): Goodbye, our lively girl!
第二幕
(魔女骑着一把几乎掉光了的扫把登场)
旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!
(魔女撞到灰姑娘)
灰姑娘(怒):Who are you ?
魔女(得意):I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch.I can give you all the thing you
wish.灰姑娘 : Really? Do you kown King’s party? I want to go, but------(低头看自己的破衣服)魔女(大笑):Don’t worry.It is easy for me!Look, clothes, shose,car-----
灰姑娘(面露欣喜,扑向鞋子):Oh, how beautiful glass shoses!
魔女 :Wear it, and go!
第三幕
(富丽堂皇的大厅里,音乐飘扬,人声鼎沸.女士们翘首以待)
侍卫(击杖):Welcome the Prince.(鼓掌,欢呼)
国王(严肃): Please be quiet!As everybody knows, today I will chooes a beautiful, slim, homorous, and long hair girl for my son----(转身,指向王子),handsome, strong, tall, and brave!(王子做害羞状)
众女士 :How lively!How handsome!(做陶醉状,冲向前,将王子团团围住)
(此时,飞出一女,持扇 “杀出一条血路”)
(王子与灰姑娘共舞,突然手机铃声响起)
王子 :Who’s phone?
灰姑娘 :Oh, it’s my phone!(掏手机边跳舞,边接电话)This is Cinderella, speaking!
魔女 :It 12’clock, game will be over, come back quickly!Or you’ll change back!(开始敲钟)灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑,掉了一只鞋)
王子(检起鞋,追):Wait!You forget give me you name, and you phone number!
王子(注视姑娘远去,悲情):I’ve lost her!
第四幕
旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl.He issued a proclamation, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!”
(王子带着士兵到处找人试鞋)
士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士甲试鞋)Oh, your foot is too big!
士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士乙试鞋)Oh, my God, what a terrible smell!Of coures not you!旁白 :A t lat, the Prince come to Cinderella ‘s home.(两姐站在门口,花痴状):Oh, the Prince is coming, he is so handsome!He is so cool!士兵(拿着鞋):Please try the galss shoe.(两姐妹正抢): Oh, it is my shoe!------Oh, it is my shoe!
(士兵夺过鞋,递给大姐): You first!(大姐拿过鞋,却怎么也穿不进去)
士兵 : Stop doing that.You foot is too long, you will break the shoe!
二姐(得意):I said, it is my shoe.(抢过鞋,试穿,费了九牛二虎之力终于穿上,走开来)二姐 : ****, too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉脚,鞋飞到灰姑娘身上)
继母(怒吼): Why are you here? Back to kitchen!Wash the dishes!
士兵 : Wait!Every girl must try!
继母 : She is drity!It is couldn’t be her!(灰姑娘默,轻松的穿上了鞋)
王子(欢呼):Oh, it fits!I found you!(王子和灰姑娘拥在一起)
旁白 :The Prince was delighted to found her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were merried.They lived happily ever after!
第三篇：灰姑娘英语话剧剧本
灰姑娘Cinderella 英文表演剧本
第一场 国王KING 和公爵DUKE King: Duke!公爵
Duke : your majesty 陛下
King : I „m worried about the princes marriage 我非常担扰王子的婚事。
Duke : But, but ,but ….但是。
King: No ,”buts” my son has been avoiding his responsibilities long enough.It”s high time he married and settled down.没有但是，我的儿子躲避他的责任已经很久了，该到他成婚安家的时候了。
Duke : Of course ,your majesty ,But you must be patient.当然，陛下，但是你必须要有耐心。
King :I am patient!But I‟m not getting any younger ,I want to see my grandchildren before I go 我己经很耐心了！但是我不再年轻了，我想在临死之前看到我的孙子。
Duke: I understand sir.我明白
King: No ,no you don‟t know what it means to see your only child grow farther and farther ,and farther away from you I‟m …I „m.lonely in this old palace.不，不，你不明白，我的意思是如果看着你唯一的孩子慢慢的长大然后离你越来越远，只有我一个人孤单的呆在宫里。
Duke : Now ,now your majesty ,perhaps if we just let him alone… 现在，陛下，也许我们应该让他独立起来
King :let him alone? With his silly romantic ideas? 让他独立？就他那些愚蠢的不切合实际的浪漫想法？
Duke : But ,but sir ,in matters of love..但是，但是，与爱有关……
King :love? Ha ,just a boy meeting a girl under the right conditions.So we are arranging the “conditions” 爱？那只是一个男孩儿在某个特殊的条件下遇见到一个女孩，所以我们要制造一个所谓的条件
Duke : Yes ,sir ,very well, I‟ll arrange a ball for the prince.是的陛下，我这就去安排一个舞会。
King: Tonight!今晚如何
Duke: Yes sir tonight!是的陛下，就今晚。
二场（信使，灰姑娘，继母，两位继姐姐Gina,Amy。两只老鼠。Jack , Gus）
Courier信使 : Open!Open!Open the door,please!in name of the king, an urgent message from his majesty.开门，这有从宫里传来的圣旨。
Cinderella :Thank you.谢谢 Jack: From the king what does it say ,Cinderella? 从宫里来的。写着什么。
Gus :what does it say? 看看说什么？
Cinderella: I don‟t know ,he said it‟s urgent, this just arrived from the palace.我不知道，他说很急是从宫里来的。
Gina and Amy: From the palace? 从宫里的
Gina: give it here!Cinderella,give me that 把它给我。
Amy: Give me.把它给我Stepmother：Give me!I „ll read it ,well.给我，我看看。There „s to be a ball..? a palace ball?将会有一个宫里办的舞会。
G&A: A ball? A palace ball? I can‟t believe it, 一个舞会，我真不敢相信
G: how wonderful.，太好了
A: that‟s dream,这是在做梦吗
Sm: In honor of his highness ,the prince, 为庆祝那至高无上的王子
Together: oh ,the prince, 王子
Sm: By,rayal command ,every single girl is to attend ,国王的旨意，每一个单身女子都有要出席。
G: why ,that‟s us!那不就是我们
A: I „m just the right one, 我是最合适一个。
Cin:why, that meams I can go,too, 为什么，意思是我也可以去。
G:ha!Her dancing with the prince? 和王子跳舞。
A:I „d be honored ,your highness ,would you mind holding my broom? 我很荣幸，殿下，你介意拿着我的扫帚吗？
Cin:why not? After all, I „m still a member of the family 为什么不能，毕竟我仍是这个家的一员啊.Sm: Yes, so it does ,well, I see no reason,why you can‟t go ,if you get all your work done and if you can find something to wear.是的，我看没什么理由你不能去，如果你把活全做完，如果你能找到什么能穿的衣服。
Cin: I „m sure , I can ,oh, thank you , stepmother, 我保证，我能做完，谢谢妈妈 G&A:Monther ,do you really promise her?妈妈，你真的承诺她？
Sm: of course, I said”if” 当然，我是说：如果“ G&A:oh “if”如果
Cin: Isn‟t it lovely? It was my mother‟s.多可爱啊，她就是我的妈妈
Gus:but the dress is old.但是裙子太旧了，Jack: maybe it is a little old fashioned, 大概，有点过时了
Gus and jack: we can change it ,shorten the sleeves, make something for the collar and there are… 我们可以改变它，把袖子变短，给领子加点东西，再改改。。
A:Cinderella，Cin:oh ,now what they want? 他们想要什么？
A: Cinderella,take my dress ,here, mend the buttonholes.把我的裙子拿来，改改扣眼，G:Cinderella, wash my clothes.把我衣服洗了。
Stmon: Cinderella when you‟re through, you should iron these clothes.你都做完的时候把这些衣服烫好。
Cin: Yes stepmother, 是的妈妈
Gus&jack: Cinderella look!Try it on oh how pretty you are!灰姑娘，看，多漂亮
G&A: mother we are ready!妈妈我们准备好了
Stmo: Now remember if the prince….现在记住，如果王子。。
Cin: wait ,please wait for me, 等下我。
G&A;‟cinderella?
G: oh ,mother ,look!She‟s wearing mine, it‟s mine, you witch,妈妈，看她穿的是我的，我的，你是巫女吗
Cin: don‟t please!不要
A: this is mine ,you kitchen wench!这是我的，你这个厨娘 Stemo: girls,girls,that‟s quite enough, both of you ,I won‟t have you upsetting yourselves, good night,Cinderella孩子们，安静，我要求你们不要绕乱自己，再见，CINDERLLA 三 灰 盖GUS，杰JACK，教母GODMOTHER
Cinderella: no no ,it isn‟t true ,it‟s just no use no use at all, I can‟t believe ,ont anymore,there is nothing left to believe in nothing,不，不，不是真的，我真不敢相信，现在没有什么可能穿的出去了。
Godmother: nothing my dear? Oh,now you don‟t really mean that ,dry those tears,you can‟t go to the ball looking like that.没什么我的孩子，那不是真的，擦掉眼泪，你不能那样去舞会。
Cin: the ball? But I „m not…舞会但是，我不能 Gm: of course, you are ,but you have to hurry, miracles take a little time,当然，你可以，但是你必须快，奇迹般的利用这点时间，Cin: miracle?奇迹
Gm: wait and look!Bibbidi bobbidi… 等一下，看
G&A: oh a beautiful dress,一件漂亮的裙子
Gm: bibbidi….And look!Glass slippers!看，玻璃鞋。
Cin: why, it‟s like a dream ,a wonderfull ,dream come true,为什么，像梦一样，非常美的梦，梦是真实的，Gm:Yes ,my child ,but like all dreams, well, this can‟t last forever, you‟ll have it only till midnight,and then…是的我孩子，但是这不是永远的，你只能在牛夜之前拥有他，Cin: midnight,? Oh thank you.牛夜，谢谢，星沙英语
Gm: no no , no just a minute ,you must understand, my dear, on the stroke of 12 everything will be as it was , before,不，不，只是一分钟，你必须明白，我亲爱的，当敲响12点钟时，一切都会还原的。
Cin: oh ,I underst and, good night,我明白，再见
Gm: good night, my child.再见我的孩子
四 午会上，卫士 贵族小姐，王子，国王，Prince: oh the girl of my dreams, who she is ,where”s she from? When she came…?我梦中的姑娘在哪，从哪里来，什么时候来
G&A :but who is she ,mother ? do we know her?她是谁，妈妈，我们认识她吗？
G: the prince certainly seems to…王子当然会
A: but I know I have never seem her.但是我从没见过她。
Stepm: nor do I , but ,she certainly is … Wait!There is something familiar about her 我也是，但是她应该是，等等，有些地方和她很像。.Prince: so this is love , so this is love ,so this is what life worthwhile and now I know …the key to a Heaven is mine ,my heart has wings, and I can fly ,I‟ll touch every star in the sky,.I „ve been dreaming of…so thiS is love 这就是爱，所以这就是爱，这就是生命的真正价值，现在我知道了……我已经拥有了通往天堂的钥匙，我的心有了翅膀，我能够飞翔，我即将触摸到天空中的每颗星星，我一直都梦想象现在这样……这就是爱
Cin: oh my goodness我的天 Prince: what‟s the matter?什么事 Cin: it‟s midnight.到牛夜 Prince,: no no ,wait!You can‟t go now, it‟s only不不，等等，你不能走，Cin: oh I must please ,please , I must!我必须走，马上离开
Prince: but why?但是为什么？ Cin: well， I … I … oh the prince, I haven‟t met the prince,我，我，王子，我还没见过王子。Prince: a prince? But didn‟t you know…王子，但是你不知道。。.Cin: goodbye!再见 Prince: no wait!Come back!Please,come back!I don‟t even know your name!how will I find you? Wait!please wait!不等等，回来，请回来，我还不知道你的名字，我怎么找到你，请等等。
五，DUKE，KING Duke: your majesty, I see no point in beating about the bush ,the young lady disappeared ,leaving behind only this glass slipper.陛下，别做无用功了，那个女士已经不见了，留下的只有这只玻璃鞋。
King: who is she? Where did she live? 她是谁，住哪？
Duke: but I didn‟t get a chance…但是我没有机会知道
King: what did you say? You mean you know onthing about the lady? 你说什么，你的意思是关于她的你什么都有不知道。
Duke: Yes ,it‟s true, sir ,all we could find was this glass slipper , the prince swears he‟ll marry none but the girl who fits this slipper.是的，我们要找到鞋的主人，王子只娶能穿这只鞋的人
Cin‟s home:灰姑娘的家
Stepm: Cinderella , Cinderella ,where is that，东西在哪？ CINDERELLA Cin: Yes? Here I am.什么事，我在这
Stepm: don‟t stand there!Brings up the breakfast trays at once!and hurry!别站着那把盘子摆好，快
Stepm: oh hurry now, he‟ll be here any minute 快点，我没时间了。
A: who will?谁要来，Sm: the grand duke ,he‟s been hunting all night, 公爵要寻找一晚上，G: hunting?寻找
Sm: for that girl ,the one who lost her slipper at the ball last night, they say the prince is madly in love with her, the glass slipper is their only clue , now the duke has been ordered to try it on every girl in the kingdom ,there is still a chance,寻找在昨天晚会上丢失玻璃鞋的女孩，他们说王子要娶她，玻璃鞋是唯一的线索，公爵要让王国里的每个女孩子都试穿这双鞋，这是一个机会，G&A: We know ,mother,我明白妈妈
Jack and gus: he‟s h ere , he‟s here, duke? 在这，公爵。
Sm: girls , now ,remember, this is your last chance, don‟t fail me,孩子们，记住，这是你们最后的机会，Guards: announcing , his imperial grace , the grand duke, 报……尊贵的大臣驾到！
Sm: you honor our humble home, may I present my daughters….是您另我们家熠熠生辉，我可以让我的女儿们出来了吗？
G: why, that‟s my slipper!为什么，那是我的鞋
A: well, I like that!It‟s my slipper!我喜欢这是我的鞋
Gus&jack: no no, no,cinderella‟s slipper.不不是灰姑娘的
Sm: girls,girls, your manner, a thousand pardons ,your grace.孩子人注意你们的举止
G&A: mother ,help….Help…妈妈帮帮我
Duke: you are the only ladies in the house here, 你们是这座房子就仅仅你们几位女士，Sm: there is no one else, your grace.没有了
Duke: quite so, good day, good day,那好，打扰了
Cin: your Grace, your Grace, please wait, may I try it on?等等到，我可以试试吗
Sm: oh ,pay no attention to her, it‟s only Cinderella, our maid , from the kitchen.不必在意他，他只是一个干活的丫头
G&A: she is out of her mind, 她脑袋不清楚
Sm: Yes, just an imaginative chilD是的，只是一个爱做白日梦的女孩
Duke: madam, my orders were:every maiden” come ,my child , oh on , it‟s impossible,女士们，我的任务是让城里的第个女士都试穿。
Cin: but you see, I have the other slipper,但是你看我有另外一只，Duke: my child ,follow me我的孩子跟我来.第七场 Duke: your majesty ,we find her, we find her,陛下，我找到这个姑娘了，King: oh it‟s not a dream 是吧，这不是一个梦吧, Prince: have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through ，no matter how your heart is grieving ,if you keep on believing , the dream that you wish will come true….要对你的梦想有信心，这样你就会见到彩虹，不论你的心有多么无助，只要坚信，梦想就会实现。
Cin&prince: so this is love ,this is true love 所以这就是爱，这就是真爱
第四篇：英语话剧剧本《灰姑娘》
<<灰姑娘>>剧本英汉对照版：
Once there lived a kind and lovely girl.After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework.从前有一位可爱善良的姑娘，她父亲很早就去世了。她的继母经常虐待她，继母带来的两个孩子也经常欺负她，她们把灰姑娘当女拥一样使唤。
stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your duties.Clean the floors right away.And what's more,bring me my breakfast.把这些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板赶快给我擦干净。另外，把我的早饭带来。
stepsister1: Cinderella!Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold.灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿来，我感到有点冷。
stepsister2: Hurry up!Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves.I'm to be late for my date.You're so, you're always so sluggish.快点！把马车给我准备好，递我手套。我约会要晚了，你总是那么慢慢腾腾的。Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life.She had a lot of animal friends.虽然继母这样对她，可灰姑娘还是乐观地活着，另外她还有许多小动物做她的朋友。
One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved.Every maid in the town was invited to the party.一天，国王要让王子自己选择心爱的人，为王子举办了一个宫廷舞会，邀请城里所有的姑娘参加。
The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty.可继母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，让灰姑娘在家干活，独自带着女儿去了。Cinderella was broken-hearted.At that time, her fairy godmother appeared.灰姑娘非常地伤心，这时，教母出现了。Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in.Nothing!没有什么我相信的事情，什么也没有！
Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.亲爱的，什么也没有吗？但现在你的意思并不是这样。Cinderella: Oh, but I do.噢，但我确实是这样想的。
Godmother: Nonsense, child!If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here.And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears!胡说，孩子。如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不会在这里了。但现在我在这，噢，过来，擦干眼泪。
Cinderella: Why then, you must be...为什么你一定在。。
Godmother: Your fairy godmother? Of course.Now let's see, hmm...now...the magic words.Bibbidi-boddidi-boo.Put them together and what have you got.你传说中的教母？当然，现在让我看看。。现在，这些魔力的话，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。把它们放在一起，看你得到了什么。
Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful!It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true.噢，它太美丽了！象一个梦，一个美好的梦想变成了现实。
Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever.You'll have only till night and...是的，我的孩子，象所有的梦一样。恐怕它不能永远延续下去。你仅仅能在午夜和。。拥有它。
Cinderella: Midnight?Oh, thank you.午夜？噢，谢谢你。
Godmother: Oh, just a minute.Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before.噢，等一会儿。记住，当时钟敲响到12点的时候，钟将会打破，一切事情又恢复了从前。
Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but...it's more than I ever hoped for.哦，我懂了。但它比我期望的要多地多。
Godmother: Bless you, my child.Enjoy yourself.祝福你，我的孩子，玩得开心。
At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly.All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall.Oh, it is almost twelve o'clock-five to twelve!舞会上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一选中的舞伴，灰姑娘与王子高兴地跳舞，旁人都很羡慕地看着他们，议论他们。时间在美妙的歌舞中过去，墙上的大钟突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分钟12点。Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!噢，天啊！
Prince: What's the matter? 什么事？
Cinderella: It's midnight.It's almost midnight.午夜了，快到午夜了。
Prince: Yes, so it is.But why? 是的，但又怎样呢？ Cinderella: Goodbye.再见。
Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now.不，等等，你现在不能走。
Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must.噢，我必须走。Prince: But why? 但为什么呢？
Cinderella: goodbye.再见。
Prince: No, wait, come back.Please come back!I don't even know your name.How will I find you? Wait, please wait!Wait!不，等等，回来，请回来！我连你的名字都不知道呢。我怎么能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！
Cinderella: Goodbye.再见。
The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor could the two step-sisters.When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try.第二天，国王命令城中每一位女孩必须史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合适的姑娘将成为王子的新娘。但城中没有一个女孩能穿着合适。最后来到灰姑娘的家中，继母的女儿们当然也不能穿上那双玻璃鞋，正当国王的大臣要离开时，灰姑娘出现在楼梯上，她要求试一试鞋。
Cinderella: Please wait!May I try it on? 请等等！我可以试一下吗？
Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her.噢，别理她。
stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!她仅仅是灰姑娘！stepsister2:Impossible.不可能。
stepsister1: She's out of her mind.她疯了。
stepmother: Yes, yes.Just an imaginative child.是的，是的，只是一个爱想象的孩子。
Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady.当然你可以试试，我的女士。
Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible.The king!What shall I do? 噢，不！不！这很糟糕。国王！我该做什么呢？ Cinderella: But perhaps this would help...但这或许有点帮助。。
Duke: No, no.Nothing can help now, nothing.不，不。现在什么都帮不了。<<灰姑娘>>剧本英文版： 第一场：
旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.Father: Dear daughter!These presents are for you!Do you like them? Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad.Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever!旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife.Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming.Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits.Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee.Wow, I like them.(吃水果)Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes.I like this dress.(往身上穿)Alice： Oh, no, that’s my dress.It’s a new dress my father bought for me.Jerry： Who are you? Mum, who is she? Stepmother: She is your little sister.But it doesn’t matter.Look!Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us.Alice: Why? I’m not your servant.Stepmother: Yeah.But from now on you are our servant.Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress.(拽衣服)Jenny：I like her necklace.(抢项链戴在脖子上)旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant.She worked and worked from morning to night.She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.第二场：
Stepmother: Who is it? Soldier: It’s me.I’m the soldier of the palace.(打开门)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters.mso-charStepmother: What is it?(打开信看)（欢呼）Helen, Jerry, good news!There will be a big dancing party in the palace.The prince will select a queen among the young girls.mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray!I’ll be the queen!mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters.You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too.mso-charThree: You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready? Let’s go.mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends.I really want to go.What shall I do? mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don’t be so sad, Alice.At least, we are with you.mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you.mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful!mso-charCat: You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen.mso-charDog: Yes!You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!mso-charPeagion: Yes!And the prince will love you at once!mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance.But remember you 第三场
mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball.This night, our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen.Now, young girls, come to the front,please!Minister2：How are they?Which one do you like? Prince: No, I don’t like anyone.(Alice come in)Ministers: Wow, how beautiful!(She’s like a fairy.She’s like a Angel.She’s so lovely.She’s like a princess.How pretty the girl is!)Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you? Alice: I’d like to.(music and dance)(one person pick up a clock)Alice: Oh, it’s time to go back.I must go now.Prince: Wait, princess, wait!Alice(跑，掉一只鞋)Prince:(拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!Soldiers!Soldiers: Yes!Prince: Take the shoe to every house.You must find the girl for me.Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss!第四场：（士兵敲门）
Stepmother: What’s the matter, soldiers? Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam? Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her.Helen: Let me try.The shoe is mine.Soldier1: No,it’s not yours.It’s too small for you.Jenny: It’s mine.Let me try it.Soldier2: No, it’s not yours, it’s too small for you.Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it’s mine.Let me try it.mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn’t be yours.Do you have another daughter? Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it? Stepmother :You? Go away!Helen: Look at yourself!Jenny: So dirty and so ugly!mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try!Come, little girl, try it on,please!mso-charAlice: Thank you!(试鞋)mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful!It’s yours!It fits for you very well!mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240 mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking!mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss!We have found the beautiful girl.mso-charPrince: Really? That’s wonderfull!I’ll come at once.mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming.Let me help you the 1last time.(变美丽)mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK? mso-charAlice: OK!mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen?(昏倒)mso-char旁白：The story finished.Alice found her happiness.Alice and the prince lived happily ever after!And that brings us to the end of the play.(善有善报，恶有恶报，善良的人终会有好报，灰姑娘最终找到了自己的幸福，与王子幸福地生活在一起！
天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。烦人的女孩、孕妇、抢匪、不管事的警察，甚至还遇到了鬼。。
Cast
Erin Chang: Robber Debby Tsai: Police officer Serrin Lee: Betel nut girl Alec Zhao: Ghost student Leo Lee: Taxi driver Yi-ling Chen: Pregnant woman------------------Summary This story talks about a poor taxi driver, Tommy, who meets many strange things in one day.First, he carries a Betel Nut Girl who wants to harass him.Second, a pregnant woman makes him feel nervous.Third, he carries a robber and meets a police officer who only manages traffic.At last, he carries a ghost student.Tommy: Hello, my name is Tommy.Serving you is my honor.Where would you like to go? Betel nut girl: Hi!Tommy.I‟m going to Chong-Shan North Road, please.Tommy: Ok, Chong-Shan North Road, no problem.Um? I remember there‟s only a Chong-Shan East Road.Miss, are you sure you‟re going to Chong-Shan North Road? Betel nut girl: Um, I‟m not sure.You just drive.Maybe I will remember where it is later.Betel nut girl: How old are you? Are you married? You‟re probably not married since you‟re so young.Do you have a girlfriend?
Tommy: Um…miss, we are almost at Chong-Shan East Road.Do you want to have a look? Betel nut girl: Oh!Not here.By the way, don‟t you feel tired after driving all day long? Maybe I can help you relax.Tommy: What…what do you want to do? Take your hands off me or I‟ll scream!Betel nut girl: I did nothing!You just missed a nice chance.Stop the car, I want to get off.Tommy:(Relived)Great!The total is 155 dollars, Thank you.Betel nut girl: Um!Take it!Pregnant woman: Hey!Taxi!Pregnant woman: Thanks.You are real a very kind man.Tommy: Where are you going? Pregnant woman: Hospital, please.Tommy: You‟re going to the prenatal checkup, right? It must be very tiring carrying a baby.Pregnant woman: Yeah.It‟s almost nine months.Tommy: Woo.Congratulations.Pregnant woman: Thank you.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Are you ok? Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Is it time now? Are you going to deliver your baby now? I will drive as fast as I can.Stay down.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: We‟re almost there.Pregnant woman:(screaming)Tommy: Here we are.Pregnant woman: Are we at the hospital? Well, how much is it? Tommy: Aren‟t you going into labor?
Pregnant woman: Me? Are you kidding? It‟s still a long time before the expected date of childbirth.Tommy: What? Well, what were you just doing? Pregnant woman: Oh, I was just practicing!This is my first time to have a baby, you know.Practice makes perfect!I need to be ready so it will go smoothly.Tommy: Practice!All right… well, the total is one hundred twenty dollars.Tommy: This woman was so strange!I thought she was going to deliver the baby in my car!Robber: Get out of here, quickly!Tommy: A strange pregnant woman just got off my car and now here comes a robber.Tommy: Where do you want to go? Robber: Shut up!Just drive!Tommy: Hey…Hey.Be careful, there‟s no eye in bullets.Robber: Shut up!Just drive your car.Tommy: Ok!Ok!You are the boss.Robber: Hum…your gold necklace is very good looking.If it were on my neck, that would be nice.Tommy: Oh…com…come on, don‟t do this to me.This is a fake one.I just try to look tough by wearing it.Robber: STOP nonsense！Don‟t treat me like a fool, I warn you!I will shoot you!Tommy: OK!OK!Take it easy.My mouth is sealed.Robber:....I don‟t want to do this …really… but I have 6 brothers, 7 sisters and 8 kids to feed.I even have to sell chewing gums, raise pigs.The worse of all, my husband just got out of the jail…I really have no choice.Tommy: Don‟t be so sad….Here is tissue.Robber: Thank you.Now give me your gold necklace!Hurry up!Do you want to eat bullets！Tommy: But…but…but….Robber: Just hand it to me or I‟ll become a really bad guy！
Tommy: I don‟t want to die yet.The police: Beep~Beep~ stop the car.Tommy: OH!Thank God!I am safe now!Hey, cop, a robber wants to rob me and….Police officer: Show me your license and registration.Tommy: But…sir.…I got a robber in my back….Police officer: I only watch out for traffic!The public security is not my business.Tommy: Not your business? But…
Police officer: Here‟s your ticket.You were speeding.Tommy: But I got a robber in my car!She told me if I couldn‟t drive fast enough, she‟d shoot me.Police officer: And where is the robber?
Tommy: Just right over….what！She‟s gone;she was here just now….Police officer: See….your lie is stupid… Remember to take the ticket.Tommy: Sir!Sir!Tommy: I‟m so unlucky.Today is not my day!Oh, no!How did I come to this middle-of-nowhere? Someone‟s waving at me.Who would take a taxi in this strange place? Tommy: Hello!Serving you is my honor.Where do you want to go? Ghost student: To my home, please.Tommy: Um…can you say it more clearly? I don‟t know where your home is.Ghost student: Oh, my home is located on Ta-Du Mountain.Tommy: No problem.Um… it‟s an unusual place to live.Ghost student: Yes.It‟s very special.My ancestors all lived here.Tommy: Oh!You‟ve lived here for a long time, right?
Ghost student: That‟s right.Tommy: Here we are, but I don‟t see any houses around.By the way, it‟s so dark here.Ghost student: Don‟t be so surprised.We‟re in the mountain.Tommy: Are you sure your home is here? Ghost student: Yes.How much is it? Tommy: Um…The total is 100 dollars.Ghost student: I only have a 500 dollars bill.Tommy: That‟s OK, I can give you change.Ghost student: There you go.Tommy: Um...What‟s this? Ghost student: Money.Tommy: But...where did he go? Oh, no!…This is…ghost money…(screaming)Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs----音乐起，旁白：A long time ago, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother didn‟t like her very much.She made Snow White do the housework all day and all night.----白雪出场(扫地,做清洁.)白雪：My name is Snow White , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother?----音乐起，皇后出场
皇后：I‟m the new queen.I‟m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I‟ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔镜：Yes, I‟m coming.What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the most beautiful? 魔镜：You are beautiful, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.魔镜：Yes.She is Snow White.皇后：Snow White? No, I‟m the most beautiful in the world.Oh, hunter,come here, come here!猎人：Yes.I‟m here now.皇后：Hunter!Take Snow White far away to pick some flowers.Find a place and kill her.猎人：But she is the princess.…
皇后：No, Kill her.Bring her heart to me.I don‟t want to see her again.猎人：Yes!
皇后：Here is a box.You must put her heart in it and bring it to me.猎人：Yes!----音乐起
白雪：(高兴地摘花)One flower,two flowers,three flowers….How many flowers!How beautiful!猎人：(慢慢地拔出刀,但犹豫着说)Oh!My God!She is so lovely and pretty!I can‟t!I can‟t kill her!
白雪：(看到后大声哭叫)What are you doing? What‟s the matter? Why do you kill me? 猎人： I‟m very sorry.Someone wants me to kill you.白雪：But who? 猎人：The queen.白雪： But why? 猎人：You are more beautiful than her.So she wants to kill you.白雪：My dear hunter.Don‟t kill me.I will runfar away and never come back again.猎人：Ok.Run away, the poor child.白雪：Thank you, my dear hunter.旁白：At this time, a young bear was running by.The hunter shot it and took the heart to the queen.Snow White began to run into the wild forest until it was almost evening.She saw a little house.白雪：Oh, my God!The queen can‟t find me now, I think.How I am tired!How I want to have a rest!Ah, here is a house, there are seven small beds.They must be the beds of seven children.Oh, how I want to sleep!旁白：When it was dark, the owners of the house came back.They were seven dwarfs.They were looking for gold in the mountain.①老学究：Look, the lamp in our house is on!②开心果：Who is it? ③喷嚏精：Maybe it‟s the ghost!
④瞌睡虫：Let‟s go into our house quietly.⑤害羞鬼：Oh, someone has cleaned our house.⑥老顽固：Maybe it‟s the witch.⑦手拿烛光照到白雪的脸.①~⑦他们都惊叫起来 老学究：What a lovely child!开心果：How beautiful!喷嚏精：Who is she? 瞌睡虫：Don‟t wake her up.害羞鬼：Why is she coming here? 老顽固：Kill her.白雪：(醒来)What a nice sleep!Oh, who are you? Oh, I know.You are senven dwarfs.七矮人：(齐说)Yes,But why are you in our house? 白雪：The queen wants to kill me.So I ran to your house.Don‟t drive me away.Let me stay with you.老学究：If you look after our house.开心果：If you do some cooking for us.喷嚏精：If you make the beds for us.瞌睡虫：If you do some washing, you can stay with us.害羞鬼：But you must be careful.老顽固：Don‟t go out.Don‟t let anyone come in.Your stepmother will find you and kill you.白雪：I know.I know.Thank you.旁白：From then on, Snow White kept the house.On the other hand, when the bad queen ate the heart, she took out the mirror and asked.皇后：Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful? 魔镜： You are beautiful.But Snow White is still alive and well.She lives with the seven dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.皇后：What? Snow White is not dead?……Haha,I got a good idear.旁白：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the house.皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty apples to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.白雪：Hi, good day, my good grandmother.皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Could you have a taste.This one, please!白雪：OK!Thank you!(咬了一小口,死了)皇后：Hahaha….Now I‟m the most beautiful in the world.旁白：When the seven dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprised to see Snow White dead 七矮人：What‟s the matter?
老学究：Snow White is dead.七矮人：Oh, my God!Who did it? It must be the bad queen.(哭着拣一些花放在白雪身上)旁白：Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.She looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose.One day, it happened a prince came to the seven dwarfs‟ house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.王子：Please, let me have Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.七矮人：Ok!Carry Snow White with you to your palace.Be kind to her,please.王子：Yes, I will.I will love her forever!(吻白雪手)旁白：As soon as the prince kissed Snow White, Snow White came to her life 白雪：Oh, my god!Where am I? What happened? 王子：You are with me, my dear.I love you.I love you more than everything in the world.Please be my queen, will you? 白雪：Yes, I will, my dear!
七矮人：Oh!Congratulations!Congratulations!----音乐起,旁白：The prince took Snow White to the palace.Their wedding was held with great show
白雪：Good Bye!七矮人：Bye-bye!May you Happy Forever!白雪、王子：Thank you.Good Bye.See you later.Cinderella 第一场：
旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much.But one day, her father married a new wife.Look, her step mother and her new sister are coming.（继母与姐姐上场）
Stepmother: Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is!Helen: Yes, and so many fruits.Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee.Wow, I like them.(吃水果)（Alice上场，站在一边疑惑地看着她们）
Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes.I like this dress.(往身上穿)Alice： Oh, no,（惊叫着扑向Jenny，抢过衣服）that‟s my dress.It‟s a new dress my father bought for me.Jerry：（转向继母）Who are you? Mum, who is she? Stepmother: She is your little sister.But it doesn‟t matter.（停顿）Look！（转向Alice）（抢过裙子）（趾高气昂地）Alice, go,（手伸向远处指指点点）clean the room and then cook for us.Alice: Why? I‟m not your servant.Stepmother: Yeah.But from now on you are（强调are）our servant.(粗鲁地)Get out!Now!(Alice 委屈地走下场)Stepmother：（看着Alice下场后，满意地点头，把裙子递给Jenny）Jenny, this dress is so beautiful, is it? Why not try it on right now? It must be very suitable for you!（得意地带着Jenny下场）
旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant.She worked and worked from morning to night.She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear.She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella.第二场：
（Cinderella 在扫地，Soldier上场，敲门）Cinderella：Who is it? Soldier: It‟s me.I‟m the soldier of the palace.（Cinderella打开门）：Good morning，Sir.Soldier ：Good morning,……（被打断）
Stepmother：（在场下喊道）Who are you talking with，Alice？ Alice：（转头喊道）It‟s the soldier of the palace!Stepmother:(依旧在场下喊)Palace?!（继母奔跑着上场，一把推开Alice，微笑着转向了士兵）Stepmother：Good morning, Handsome boy.What‟s the matter? Soldier: madam, this is for you and your daughters.(递上信)Stepmother:（惊奇地一边拆信一边问）what‟s it?(Alice 靠近了想看，被继母一把推开)Stepmother:(拆开信后无声地念了两句，脸上突然出现惊喜的表情)Jenny！（脸微微偏侧，但眼神始终不离开信纸）Jerry, good news!There will be a big dancing party in the palace tonight.The prince will select a queen among the young girls.Jenny：（奔跑着上场）What?(抢过信来看)Hooray!I‟ll be the queen!
Stepmother: Come on, my daughter.You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!Jenny: Yes, I will.Alice: Mum, I want to go ,too.Jenny:(鄙夷地)You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.Alice：I….Stepmother:(哼了一声，带着Jenny下场)Let‟s go.Alice:(半跪在地上，抽泣)Oh, my friends.I really want to go.What shall I do? Fairy:（从场下响起）Oh, little Alice , why are you crying? You look so blue.Alice（惊恐地）Who is it? Who are you? Fairy:(举着魔法棒从台下旋转着上台)Don‟t be afraid.I‟m the luck fairy, I‟m coming to help you.Alice:(难过地)Dear fairy, I want to go to the dance ball in the palace, but my stepmother doesn‟t allowed me.And..(神情低落)I‟m really dirty.What shall I do? Fairy: That„s all right.Poor girl, let me help you.(举起魔法棒，在Alice头上绕几圈)Alice:（惊喜地低头）Oh，what a beautiful dress!
Fairy:(满意地)Alice, how pretty you are!You can now go to the party and dance.The prince must fall in love with you.But remember youmust come back before 12 o‟clock.Or you will change back.Good lucky！（旋转着下台）
Alice:（微笑着看着仙女下场的方向，轻声低喃）Thank you , Fairy.(提起裙子，跑)第三场:（大厅，放着声音极轻的舞曲）
Minister: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball.This night, our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen.Now, young girls, come to the front,please!
Minister：(推推prince)How are they? Which one do you like? Prince:（失望地）No, I don‟t like anyone.(Alice come in)
Prince:（盯着Alice喃喃自语）Wow, how beautiful!She‟s like a Angel.Minister：（靠近王子想要说些什么）But……
（王子眼神始终没有离开过Alice，一把推开大臣，向Alice走去）
Prince:（弯腰优雅地邀请）Pretty princess, may I dance with you? Alice:（提裙回礼）I‟d like to.(music and dance)Prince：（深情地）Will you marry me?(响起钟声)Alice: Oh, it‟s time to go back.I must go now.（推开王子向外跑）Prince: Wait, princess, wait!（追出去）(Alice跑下场，掉一只鞋在场上)Prince:（跑到场边，手向外伸出，停在了鞋前。缓缓蹲下身，拿起鞋，失落地喃喃自语)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you!（迅速起身，向场内走）Prince:（面朝观众喊）Soldiers!Soldiers:（上场，单膝跪在王子面前，忠诚地）Yes!My prince!Prince:（交给士兵）Take this shoe to every house.You must find the girl for me.Soldiers: Yes, your highness!第四场：（士兵敲门）
Stepmother: What‟s the matter, soldiers? Soldier：Are there any young girls in your family, madam? The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace.The prince wants to find her and marry her.Jenny: Let me try.The shoe is mine.（试鞋）Soldier1: No,it‟s not yours.It‟s too small for you.Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it‟s mine.Let me try it.Soldier: Oh, my god, it couldn‟t be yours.Do you have another daughter? Stepmother：No, I haven‟t.Alice:（在旁向前一步，怯生生地说）Hello, gentlemen, may I try it? Stepmother : You? Go away!Head Soldier: No, ladies, let her try!Come, little girl, try it on, please!Alice: Thank you!(试鞋)Soldier: Wonderful!It‟s yours!It fits for you very well!You must be the pretty princess!Miss, I‟m afraid you must wait for a moment, I will inform the prince and then pick you up from here.(尊敬地鞠躬)Alice：Thanks.See you.Three Times‟ Beating Monster 人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平）B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now? S: Bajie,map!E:(摸出，递给S)S: Look,boss(凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don‟t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(缩手)I‟ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing!Map? E:(递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can‟t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn‟t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….S: You will what(凶相)? E:(软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don‟t forget who ate my last meal!J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss‟s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let‟s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)B1:(接近三人，望着)Can I join you? J: I‟m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)S:(回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……
T:(气愤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don‟t……
T:It‟s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)T:(呛住，咳)Wukong,I‟m disappointed with you!B:(真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I‟ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)S:（咬牙切齿）You monster, I‟ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I‟ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出现)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)T:（惊）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh,Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How,how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder,please? T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）(谢幕)
幕拉开，灯光不开，同时我们的Storyteller 开始道来] Storyteller: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls，now come along and enjoy my show.Today I‟m going to tell you a story--A story about Diao-chan, a marvelous beauty;a story about love;a story about hate, and a story about loyalty and betrayal.[说到这里，幕已全开。然后后灯打开，从观众角度来看可以看到黑色 的人影] Some 1500 years ago, it was the last regime of the Han Dynasty.At a quiet late midnight, Wang-yun, the Prime Minister of the time, was worrying about the future of his country.Act 1 地点：王允家
人物：王允，貂禅
SCENE 前灯打开，观众角度可以看到舞台上的一切。音乐响起，伴随着《三国演义》的主题歌，王允在来回踱着步哀叹。
Wang-yun: 心理独白 Now those ambitious courtiers started to scramble for power, profit and influence.Wang-yun: But there‟s nothing I can do because of Dong-zhou‟s adopted son, Lyu-bu.He is the greatest fighter ever since and will protect his father!Oh my lord, what am I going to do?(说完王很心痛得走，貂禅出现，双手合十，默默祈祷）Diao-chan:(Sigh)[My lord, please help my father out.[王允听到了声音,循声而去.] Diao-chan: since I was three my father Wang-yun had treated me just like his own daughter!It‟s time for me to repay
his kindness.And, and…
Wang-yun:(王允走了一圈，发现貂）What are you doing ,my dear?
Diao-chan: Well… I have an idea about how to kill Dong-zhou.Wang-yun: Oh, That‟s great!But……
Diao-chan: But Daddy, that is the only way!Wang-yun: But……
Diao-chan: [Diao-chan nods her head, with a firm and determined expression on her face.] Don't worry!Just trust me.Dad.Let‟s get the whole thing started.Wang-yun：[深深吐了一口气，缓缓地道出]O---K(灯光暗后复亮，表示场景的转换)
Act 2 地点：王允家
人物：王允，貂蝉，吕布，董卓，士兵
Storyteller: And according to Diao-chan‟s plan, Wang-yun has invited both Lyu-bu and Dong-zhou separately to his house.SCENE 灯光亮起。At Wang-yun‟s home.A wooden Chinese table is set in the middle of the stage;some Chinese wine pots and
small wine cups are on it.Also, two wooden chairs are placed next to it.Wang-yun talking to the servant with anxious Wang-yun: What time is it? Servant: It's eight.Wang-yun: It 's time for his coming.Have a look!Servant: Yes sir.Oh, Sir, General Lyu is at the door.Wang-yun: Hurry, my dear.Lyu-bu is already here.Diao-chan: Don‟t worry about me.Let me go inside and prepare myself, OK? [She walks in.] [她进去了。同时，响起butterfly乐曲，貂跳起了跳舞毯, 作为热身准备的交代。] Wang-yun: [To the servant] Let him in.servant: Yes, sir.[The servant goes out and leads Lyu-bu in] Wang-yun : [觉得BUTTERFLY的声音太响，不堪忍受回头说了句]Oh, My dear, turn down a bit.[音乐转轻至停止] Lyu-bu: [Walk towards Wang-yun and hug him] Long time no see, Mr.Wang.How have you been these days? Wang-yun: Fine, thank you.Please take a seat.In fact，the main reason why I invited you today is that my daughter, Diao-chan, has been an admirer of you long time ago.She would really love to see her hero.I was wondering weather you would like to meet her? Lyu-bu: Definitely!I‟m delighted to do so.Wang-yun: Diao-chan, Diao-chan…
Diao-chan: [Walks out from the painted screen.Using her sleeves to cover her face, pretending to be shy.] Yes, Daddy.[Diao-chan 以一个漂亮地步子走上前，看到Lyu-bu 害羞地低下头。王允开始介绍] Wang-yun: This is my daughter, Diao-chan.And this is General Lu, the greatest fighter in the world!Diao-chan: [Putting her sleeves down.] Nice to meet you, General!I‟ve admired you for a long time, a man full of
power and grandeur!Lyu-bu: [Shocked by her beauty.] Uh…Wang-yun, this is your…your daughter? Of course，you see.How lovely she is!And how deep I am in love with her just at the first sight!Diao-chan: [躲到父亲的身后] Thank you for your compliment, General Lu.Wang-yun: Lyu-bu, since you are in love with Diao-chan, then I now betroth my daughter to you!What do you think? Lyu-bu: [心不在焉]Pardon? Wang-yun: Marry.Lyu-bu:(激动万分)Oh,Really? That would be my greatest pleasure!Thank you so much!I will go and prepare for the wedding, and will be back soon!
[He looks at Diao-chan and reluctantly left from the right.] [吕布回去，王允和貂禅对话] Wang-yun: [Making sure that Lyu-bu has left, looking very relieve.] Thanks God that things are going fine!Diao-chan: [Smiles at her father.] Yeah…So far so good!Wang-yun: But dear, I can‟t stop worrying about you.Here you are.In case you are in dangerous.[给刀子] Diao-chan: [突然听到有人来了]Hush…I heard someone coming.I shall stay behind the painted screen right now.[She walked behind the screen.] Soldier: His highness Dong-zhou enters [Dong-zhou 抬着头。傲慢地走进来。王允被吓倒地] Wang-yun: Welcome!Welcome!Almighty Mr.Dong!It‟s my greatest honor to invite you to my humble house!Please come in and take a seat.Dong-zhou: No.This is my name card.Please call me Dr.Richard Dong.I have graduated in School of Business and Economic in ECUST，received Doctor degree [拿出毕业文凭，大笑] Wang-yun: Oh…yes!So great!By the way, Mr.Dong，my daughter Diao-chan would like to perform a dance for you.What do you think? Dong-zhou: Sure!Why not![Diao-chan跳舞而出，响起„至少还有你‟，然后演貂禅的演员跳起一段民族舞蹈，相信可以让大家心旷神怡。] [舞罢] Dong-zhou: [Applauds happily] Charming!Absolutely charming!Diao-chan: Thank you, Mr.Dong.I am glad that you enjoy my performance.[迎上，董卓赠于她一块玉佩] Thank you.You have always been a hero in my heart.Dong-zhou: [Very glad] Really? Come here![Diao-chan approaches him and Dong-zhou gives her a closer look.] Dong-zhou: You are such a beauty, my dear.Wang-yun: Do you really think so? What if I dedicate her to you as a token of our respect? I believe that it must be her dream to be at your side and to serve you.Dong-zhou: Wonderful![Turns to the soldiers] Soldiers take
Diao-chan back to my residence and provide her whatever she needs.Her beauty deserves all the best![倒上桂林三花酒]
[Turns to Wang-yun] Cheers!For your beautiful daughter!Wang-yun: Cheers![Diao-chan walks away with the soldiers while Dong-zhou and Wang-yun keep chatting and drinking.]
(灯光暗后复亮，表示场景的转换。背景道具变化，表示场景的较大变化)
Act3 地点：董卓安置貂禅的别院
人物：吕布，士兵，貂禅，董卓 Storyteller: Filling himself with anger and fury, Lyu-bu goes directly to his father‟s residence, searching for Diao-chan.灯光亮起
SCENE At Dong-zhou‟s residence.A huge pavilion is at the right of the stage, with a horizontal inscribed board saying “Dong‟s Pavilion” hanging on it.Around the pavilion are some plants and Chinese garden settings.A soldier stands at the right of the stage.Diao-chan sits in the pavilion, reading peacefully.[Lyu-bu rushes out of the stage.] Soldier: Sorry, General Lu.Miss Diao is now in the garden.No one can go in to disturb her.It is Mr.Dong‟s order.Lyu-bu: Get out of my way!I need to see Diao-chan![拿出一包银子] Soldier: Ok.[吕布进]
[士兵走到一旁满足的笑笑。吕布气势汹汹冲到貂房里。貂哭] Lyu-bu： My dear.Don‟t cry.Tell me.What had your father done to you? Diao : He forced me to stay here with him.A soldier is always out there to prevent me from escaping.[吕布愤怒的看看士兵，走上前，一推] 士兵[倒地]：ahh.You have destroyed me.Lyu-bu: shut![拿出了又一包银子给他]
Soldier： I must see my doctor at once.[走开] 貂[哭着]：I know that he is your father, and I know that I shouldn‟t tell you about his terrible acts.But ……
Lyu-bu [火冒三丈]：It‟s all right.Don‟t blame yourself.In fact I never know that man whom I called father is such a brutal animal!Dong-zhou已在身后，冷笑：Who is such a brutal animal?!Lyu-bu退后三步
(灯光渐渐变暗直到看不见为止.Lyu-bu walks out slowly from the right of the stage, 灯光只打在他身上)Lyu-bu：（心里）[Looking troubled, with a sword on his hand] To be or not to be, that is always the question.On one side, it is my own father, but the other, my dearest lady.(响起“左右为难”高潮段音乐，“一边是友情，一边是爱情”)Oh, Lord!What should I do? Dong-zhou is so brutal and heartless, but he is my father after all!I can‟t kill him.[Puts down the sword] But, what about Diao-chan? I can‟t live without her!She is so helpless under Dong-zhou‟s control.I must save her.Yes, I must save her, despite of anythingLyu-bu: Father, I want Diao-chan back.Dong-zhou: No way.She belongs to me.Lyu-bu: But I love her!I want her to be with me, despite of anything!Dong-zhou: Never.She is mine!Lyu-bu: [Charges Dong-zhou with the sword] Then, this is what you deserve![刀刺向董卓] Dong-zhou: What are you doing, my son? Don‟t be foolish… Auh…(Be killed by Lyu-bu.)Lyu-bu: [His hands shaking] I…I have killed my own father!I have killed my own father.…What have I done? [ 他重重地蹲了下去，垂头丧气。灯光变得很昏暗，只有追光灯打在他身上] Diao-chan： General Lyu.[Lyu-bu听到Diao-chan的声音，突然抬起头。] Diao-chan： Let‟s go.Leave away from here.Lyu[沉思片刻,使他此感中走了出来]: Yes, my dear.[Lyu-bu走到Dong-zhuo跟前重重地踢上一脚，然后和Diao-chan 慢慢地小步离去，舞台上剩下Dong-zhuo的尸体和Lyu-bu & Diao-chan 的背影。Introducer(背景音乐起)：After Dong Zhou‟s death, the turbulent
country had restored into a peaceful lank.Diao Chan, the matchless beauty, the plain slave-girl.She sacrificed her own happiness for the best of her country.And gained her position in the Man-controlled era.Today, we still remember the love story of Lyubu and Diao-Chan, not for its sincerity, its heartbreak effect.But for its
concern with the future of the country.We extol Diao-Chan , noras much she was one of the 4-beauties of Ancient China as she was a real heroine.The end
《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It‟s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I‟m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I‟ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I‟m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers‟ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course!耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁 Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren‟t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I‟m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I‟m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What‟s the TCM?
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn‟t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What‟s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn‟t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I‟m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.”
荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It‟s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.结束！
第五篇：搞笑话剧剧本
话剧：《金庸群侠闹物管》
第一幕
（常经理、助手同时上场）
常经理：各位领导、各位老师、各位业主、各位同学，大家晚上好！
（二人鞠躬，等待掌声结束。）
常经理：我是丽都花园的物业经理，我姓常。
助手：我是经理助理，我姓赵。
同时：竭诚为您服务！
（助手回到桌前做工作状，常经理留在舞台中央）
常经理：都说物业工作不好做，每天忙得要死要活。一千个人心里有一千个哈姆雷特，那一千个业主就会带来一千种痛苦折磨。但是我并不这么看，虽然我每天都会遇到很多棘手的问题，但是我很享受这个排忧解难的过程。你们不相信吗？那就看看我这一天的工作吧！
（常经理坐回桌前，杨过、小龙女上，走到舞台中间执手转半圈，深情对望。背景音乐《问世间情为何物》响起。）
杨过：（对着常经理和助手）敢问二位女侠，这里可是物管？
常经理：（起身）您好，蜀信物业，请问有什么可以帮您？
杨过：我不叫“蜀信物业”。（面对观众）我姓杨，单名一个过，过而改之的过。
常经理：好的，那么请问杨大侠，有什么需要帮助的呢？
杨过：在下有一事不明，还望指教。小区公约里明文规定可以养宠，而且家家户户的阳台都置有铁笼，养有爱宠，为什么我家的宠物一到阳台，就会引起所有人的不满和指责？
助手：（忙起身解释）不可能的呀，只要是文明养宠，咱们小区是从来不会限制的！
常经理：请问杨大侠，您养的是什么宠物呢？
杨过：（面向观众）江湖中无人不知，无人不晓，我的宠物--乃是一只雕。
常经理：请问是多大的雕？
杨过：身高一米八，体重三百斤，三围分别是100，200，300。
（常经理和助手一边听一边用手比划大雕的身形，面露惊讶。）
常经理：这么大的宠物……还真有点超出我们的视觉容量，也许在您看来这么大一只雕，只是一个宠物；但是在其他邻居看来，那就是一个怪物了，所以您把它养在阳台真的会吓到其他邻居哦。
杨过：（深情回头望着小龙女）姑姑，你怎么看？
小龙女：（上前一步）如今来到新时代，知己也能成真爱。雕兄对你恩重如山，你就不该为你的好基友单独买个小户型吗？
杨过：姑姑，你难道忘了我们是外地户口，被限购了吗？
小龙女：那就换一套大房子便是。
杨过：姑姑，我们的小套一还在按揭呢……
小龙女：过儿，我们的日子已经这么拮据了吗？我们的盘缠呢？
杨过：（面向观众，上前一步）自从终南山变成旅游区，我们的古墓也被征收，改造成连锁酒店，八百年来我们颠沛流离，到处找寻安居之地，直到如今我们才找到，被称作西南世外桃源的丽都花园，我们终于停下了脚步，我们要留在这里，我们要寻回那神仙眷侣般的逍遥生活！
小龙女：不要转移话题，我们的盘缠到底哪去了？
杨过：姑姑，你可知这里是什么地方？这里又盛产什么？（面向观众，从身后掏出快板）中餐火锅街边店、毛肚脆嫩鹅肠鲜；冒菜串串芋儿鸡、热辣香甜滋味全；川菜一哥回锅肉、肥而不腻很讲究；赖汤圆和龙抄手、吃了一碗不想走；要问美食哪里有、成都遍地辣欢天、辣欢天！
小龙女：原来盘缠都被你们吃掉了？难怪你最近胖了，胖得越来越像你那只雕了。
杨过：姑姑！你知道作为一个胖子，最大的痛苦是什么吗？
小龙女：是什么？
杨过：我们最大的痛苦是--想问题的时候，都不知道该托哪个下巴。
小龙女：不用你想这个问题，我早有安排。（面向观众）过了八百年，男人还是靠嘴甜；过了八百年，社会文明大变迁。过儿，我们的刀剑在这个时代已经沦为废铁，我们的武功也失去了意义。社会不会因我们而变，只能由我们去适应，江湖恩仇已成过往，和谐生活才是主流！
杨过：那我们需要什么？
小龙女：Money、Money、还是Money！这个时代的商人地位不再卑贱，朝廷也鼓励创业，残疾人还有税收优惠，过儿，你为什么不去开一个店呢？
杨过：开什么店？
小龙女：你的黯然销魂掌招式繁多，千变万化，轻轻一拍就能击碎巨石，在铁砂中也能运用自如，对吗？
杨过：那是当然！（开始比划掌法）
小龙女：那你可以去炒板栗！什么糖炒栗子、奶油栗子、酱香栗子，个个好吃又好卖！以你的内力，一天可以炒五百斤，如果每斤赚两块钱，一天就可以赚一千，一个月赚三万，一年我们就可以换大房子了！
杨过：姑姑，你什么时候学会的经商之术？
小龙女：（得意的转一圈）作为新时代的女性，要学会自我蜕变。
杨过：可是我一天只能炒250斤。
小龙女：为什么？
杨过：（举起独臂）因为我只有一只手。
小龙女：（受伤状）Oh my ladygaga！千算万算，竟然这个没算……难道我们注定要永远挣扎在贫困线之下吗？
杨过：姑姑，我对不起你！
常经理：（上前一步）二位不要着急，我刚才听了龙姑娘的想法，觉得非常可行。如果杨大侠工作不便，其实可以出资租个门面，聘请一个师傅，按产量结算酬劳，同样也可以顺利经营。
杨过：此计甚妙！可是我该去哪儿聘请师傅？
常经理：我们视业主为上帝，既然您问了我这个问题，蜀信物业就一定会帮您解决。等有了合适人选一定会通知您的，好吗？
杨过：（抱拳）就此谢过！
（杨过、小龙女离场。）
第二幕
（乔峰、虚竹、段誉上，气势汹汹状。）
助手：常经理，来者不善！
常经理：没事，我来应付。（忙起身相迎）你们好，蜀信物业，请问有什么可以为您服务？
乔峰：面对西山千古秀，门朝大海万年流。行走江湖抬个手，人人都是好朋友！敢问二位，为何要做事这么绝，将我兄弟三人逼入死地？
常经理：请问发生了什么事？如果我们有做得不对的地方，还请多多指出！
虚竹：哈利路亚！我兄弟三人也曾是一代豪杰，只是厌倦了江湖情仇，看淡了功名利禄，这才脱下官帽，相约隐居于此，也是看中了贵宝地深厚的文化底蕴，以及悠闲自得的人文情怀。如今只是暂时的囊中羞涩，就抽走我们的氧气，剥夺我们生活的权利！这真是--
段誉：虎落平阳被犬欺，落毛凤凰不如鸡。
（三人同时叹息。）
常经理：请问三位的尊姓大名？
乔峰：我--（右掌拍胸）乔峰！
虚竹：（双手合十）贫僧法号虚竹。
段誉：（合起扇子作揖）两位姐姐好，在下段誉。
（背景音乐《难念的经》响起。）
（助手拿起笔记本给常经理看了一下，悄悄说了句什么。）
常经理：我明白了，三位是因为没交房租，所以被断了水电是吗？
乔峰：（一字一句）你可以别说这么大声吗？
常经理：实在是很抱歉，这一点我也帮不了你们。
助手：按照规定房租是一个月都不能落的，念在三位都是大英雄、大豪杰，三个月才断水电，已经是非常的照顾你们了。
虚竹：哈利路亚！大哥，两位施主宅心仁厚，已经对我们有大恩大德，不能再索取更多，我们还是设法凑钱吧。
乔峰：二弟，你知道我的职业是什么吗？
虚竹：大哥，您是本朝最大民间组织的领导者和最高决策者！只要您一声令下，大街小巷、漫山遍野的成员都会唯您马首是瞻！
乔峰：三弟，你知道这个民间组织是什么吗？
段誉：是丐帮。
虚竹：大哥！作为天下第一帮的老大，您可是乞丐中的霸主！
乔峰：乞丐中的霸主，那还是乞丐！（一声长叹）我乔峰一生光明磊落，行侠仗义，一手指挥万千帮众，一身武功天下无敌，到头来却连老婆也娶不起。天地之大，竟无我乔峰容身之所！究竟是我抛弃了社会，还是社会抛弃了我？
虚竹：哈利路亚！大哥不必妄自菲薄，小弟比你更凄惨。从小师父就教导，佛祖接纳一切有缘人，也会原谅一切破戒之人，只要心中有佛，万物皆佛。可是当我离开灵鹫宫，想重归佛门的时候，他们说现在应聘和尚，必须满足硕士学历，英语六级，还要多年管理资历。如今我俗非俗，佛非佛，连阿弥陀佛都不能说，也没有化缘的法定资格。三弟，凑钱的任务还是交给你了。
段誉：二位哥哥要搞清楚，最惨之人非我莫属。想我大理国山清水秀、人杰地灵，却惨遭蒙古铁骑涂炭生灵。如今大理国成了云南省，我官二代也变成了亡国奴。复国之心不曾有，生存之术又尚无。平日只会念经读书，养花种草，实在是一个累赘，对不住二位哥哥啊！
（三人抱头痛哭）
常经理：三位不用太悲观，现在是一个开放的社会，只要依靠自己的双手，人人有钱赚。我们公司虽然制度严明，但也有人性的光辉。不管租户还是业主，住进丽都花园我们就是一家人，你们的事就是我的事，我一定会帮你们找到合适岗位的，好吗？
乔峰：那就拜托阁下了！二弟、三弟，走！
（三人离场）
第三幕
（郭靖搀扶着黄蓉上，背景音乐《铁血丹心》响起。）
常经理：你们好，蜀信物业，请问有什么可以为您服务？
黄蓉：我要投诉！
常经理：是我们有什么工作没做到位吗？
黄蓉：何止是不到位，简直有罪！
常经理/助手：（同时鞠躬）请您指教！
黄蓉：你们知不知道女人睡眠不足的话新陈代谢会紊乱？你们知不知道被吵醒的话要死多少个脑细胞？你们知不知道每天生活在嘈杂的环境中会引发内分泌失调，导致上吐下泻、全身红肿、口吐白沫？
郭靖：蓉儿，别说的这么夸张！
黄蓉：一点儿都不夸张！你可知对于生病休养的人来说，任何噪音都是双倍伤害？
助手：不应该呀，咱们小区被花园包围，不仅远离吵闹的街道，而且休息时间也不准室内施工，哪里来的噪音呢？
常经理：给您休息带来的困扰我先表示深深的歉意，可以告诉我们您听到的是什么声音吗？
黄蓉：我每天都会听到一个琴声一个箫声，琴不像琴，萧不像萧，合奏出一个令人喷血的曲调，然后两个老男人扯破喉咙的嚎叫--（指向郭靖）
郭靖：（粤语）沧海一声笑，滔滔两岸潮！浮沉随浪只记今宵--
黄蓉：你们听！连普通话都不说，他们也不怕被教官扣个人操行分！
常经理：原来你们说的是曲老师和刘老师合奏的《笑傲江湖曲》，这个曲子激昂振奋、朗朗上口，应该是人人都喜欢的呀？
黄蓉：就是因为太激昂了，我躺在床上睡觉双手都要跟着划拍子。
助手：可是为什么从来没有其他邻居来投诉这个事呢？
黄蓉：我不管别人听不听得到！反正影响到我休息我就要投诉！
郭靖：（将黄蓉支到一边）二位莫怪！蓉儿不是不讲道理的人，只不过身受重伤，一直在家休养，每天要睡满23个小时才能活命。楼上两位前辈的声音其实并不大，但在蓉儿听来就有如山崩地裂，再悦耳的歌声只要打扰了她睡觉，就有如催命符。唉……
常经理：那要怎样才能治好她的病呢？
郭靖：蓉儿受了严重的内伤，五脏俱损，我们几百年来遍寻名医，但是连华西医院最好的外科大夫都束手无策。
助手：难道就没有任何办法可以医治了吗？
郭靖：办法是有的，治内伤还得靠内家功夫。比如江湖有史以来疗效最显著、功能最完善、手法最娴熟的第一按摩神技--
黄蓉：（抢话）一阳指！
郭靖：可惜自一灯大师之后，再没有大理段氏子孙能学会这个技能了……
常经理：（眼前一亮）您是说，只要是在一灯大师之前的大理段氏，就可以治好黄姑娘的内伤？
郭靖：是的。
常经理：（轻轻拍手，双眼发光）太好了！小赵，你快去把刚才那三兄弟请来，还有杨大侠和龙姑娘！
助手：好的！（下场）
常经理：（对郭靖黄蓉）二位请稍等。
（其他五人依次登场）
常经理：（对段誉）段公子，请问您跟一灯大师是什么关系？
段誉：（摇扇子）从历史发展的角度来看，我应该是他的祖父。
常经理：那您会一阳指吗？
段誉：你是说……我从小用来挠痒痒的那个一阳指吗？
常经理：那您可以给这位黄姑娘挠痒痒吗？
（黄蓉很配合的转过身，背对段誉）
段誉：那就多有得罪了！（比划指法）急急如律令！
（黄蓉浑身一颤，立刻精神大振）
郭靖：蓉儿，你怎么样？
黄蓉：（活动四肢）腰不酸了，腿不痛了！上楼也有劲了！靖哥哥，我好了！
郭靖：（走到段誉面前）多谢段公子！救了我家蓉儿一命！我要还您这个人情，有什么要求请尽管提出来，我郭某一定满足！
段誉：（看了一眼乔峰和虚竹）那郭大侠……能不能帮我们把房租交了？
郭靖：这有何难？包在我身上！（从怀里掏出一个金元宝递上）
段誉：（双手捧着金元宝）我终于挣到人生的第一桶金了！大哥，二哥，我不用啃老了！我实现人生价值了！
常经理：段公子，这仅仅只是一个开始。既然你身怀绝技，为什么不抓住这个商机，开拓一个更大的市场呢？我给你出个主意--（拿出一副画卷递上）
（段誉展开画卷，上面写着四个大字：盲人按摩。）
段誉：主意是挺好，可是盲人哪里找？
虚竹：（突然出声）哈利路亚！只要你想要，没有找不到。（走上前一步，换上一副墨镜，开始模仿盲人给段誉按摩）客官，小人的大力金刚指，力度还够吗？
段誉：够！非常够！二哥，咱们这就去开店创业吧！
虚竹：好！
（二人后退）
常经理：请问这位乔大侠，是不是以掌法著称？
乔峰：哈哈，那是当然！我的降龙十八掌已经练得炉火纯青，每一掌出去都能附带摄氏100度的高温，纯天然生火，低碳，环保，无污染！
常经理：那您有没有兴趣跟这位杨大侠合伙做一番事业呢？
杨过：（眼前一亮）这位大哥，我看你骨骼奇异，一定是练武奇才！有没有兴趣跟我合伙，一起用双手发家致富？
乔峰：好啊，我的双手有用武之地了！你要让我做什么？
杨过：炒-板-栗！
乔峰：（凶神恶煞）你让我乔峰去炒板栗，实在是--（转为笑脸）太合适了！（面向观众，打广告状）用降龙十八掌炒出来的板栗，健康，营养，纯绿色食品，你值得拥有！
常经理：而且还可以分渠道销售，二位大侠负责门店的生产和零售，由龙姑娘负责线上销售，在淘宝、京东、亚马逊分别建立直营店，买十斤包邮！一百斤就由神雕亲自送货上门！不出一年保证升到五个皇冠！不出三年，门店火爆春熙路！不出五年，企业包装上市，杨大侠再把股份卖掉，换得大笔现金，就可以跟龙姑娘继续过神仙眷侣的日子了！
（杨过和小龙女携手对视，做幸福憧憬状）
常经理：我连店名都帮你们想好了！
（众人齐问：叫什么？）
常经理：杨过和乔峰开的板栗店，那就叫--过桥板栗！
（众人叫好）
常经理：黄姑娘，您现在还需要投诉吗？
黄蓉：不投诉了，不投诉了！我现在简直像重获新生一样，这一切都要感谢你啊！
众人：我们都要感谢你，请问你叫什么名字？
常经理：我的名字不重要，大家只需要知道我是蜀信物业的一名普通员工！其实我啊什么都没做，俗话说远亲不如近邻，不管是邻里之间、同事之间还是朋友之间，只要互帮互助、共享资源，所有的难题都可以迎刃而解！正所谓让一让秋高气爽，退一步海阔天空，和谐美好的生活要靠我们共同创造！在这里祝大家--
众人：（一起抱拳鞠躬）中秋快乐，生活美满！
--结束--
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