英语话剧剧本--荆珂刺秦王 11

第一篇：英语话剧剧本--荆珂刺秦王 11

英语话剧剧本--荆珂刺秦王

Jingke assassinates King Qin

旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless.Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes.As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed some good men at home…… This is a crazy world.In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way.Scene 1：Conspire(密谋)

太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng, that bad guy, treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently, he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen again(急)。Hey！I must think out a good idea.I must make him know who I am.(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

(大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now?

阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~（淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.太子：Ha, ha~~~.Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent?

阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue.He is traveling in our country these days.I think we can’t lose the chance.We must employ him quickly.太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.Scene 2：tournament(比武)

西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下）西 门 吹 雪（Xi Men Chui Xue）身高：190cm Height: 190cm最爱干的事情：聊qq Favorite doing: chatting战斗力：无限 War power: endless最爱的颜色：黑色 Favorite color: black武器：长剑 Weaponry: long sword最爱喝的饮料：啤酒 Favorite drinks: beer血型：O Type of blood: O最崇拜的人：小燕子，毛泽东 Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy.Stand out.荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。

旁白：Competition begins.荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?西门吹雪：Just come on.荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story?西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man!How dare you ask me such a stupid question?

荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!

西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero.But you beg for life.How can I forgive you? Give me your life.(举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语)Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬头)where is the toilet?

荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?

西门吹雪：WC.荆轲：W-C-?

西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！Are you happy to hear such rude words?

荆轲：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.西门吹雪下。

太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。

阿三: What’s your name, please?Hero.荆轲不屑一顾。太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：宁在花 下 死，作 鬼 也 风 流。Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.——快活魔王荆轲是也 Happy prince of the gost

太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do

荆柯：How do you do.荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。

阿三：Hero, wait for a moment.I have a problem which needs your help。

太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.荆柯欲走又止。

太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way.Ladies and gentlemen.This is Miss Huang!

旁白：“大世界”响起有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。

荆柯两眼发直。

太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!

荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland.I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty.What shall I do? Prince, just say it out.But this lady……

太子丹：No problem.Scene 3：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别)

荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿着地图，一手拿着人头上。

阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Please just stop here.Goodbye.太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further

荆珂：What a boring guy.If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me

太子丹：Well.Goodbye.Hero.Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king

荆珂（接过头，扔在一边。太子丹，阿三下，荆珂猛抱住妻子）：How can I express my feeling now?I don’t want to leave because I love you.Once I think I will kill Yingzheng.I can’t help rushing into W.C.you known.I don’t want to go.I don’t want to go.妻子：Don’t worry.Do you still love me?

荆珂：Sure.I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.I love you more than my

own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.妻子：Well.If you are still loving me.You should not make me sad Stand up like a man.Don’t be fearful.I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂：You must wait for me.妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，旁白：”I will be right here waiting for you” 响起荆珂上船，渐渐远去，（歌落）妻子：Hey！You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought about you will be no use.Go to your doom.Never come back.(下)

Scene 4：murdering(刺秦).一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。

大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.大臣乙：I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Your skin is fine.大臣甲：I use“ Da Bao” everyday.大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look.大臣甲：Come on秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。

卫兵丙：“Can we begin？”

秦王“begin”

卫兵丙：“Let the people of Yan，Jingke come in” 荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。秦王：“Jingke.What’s wrong with you？”

荆柯：“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body“.秦王（不烦）：What’s the good things，quickly！” 荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only响起）秦王摔倒，转身逃跑，其他人抱头趴在地上。两个人围着大臣兜圈，过了一会儿……

大臣甲喊道：“Mr King, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，立刻将荆柯打倒在地。

秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?

荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。Please forgive me!秦王：You will never live again.What would you like to say?

荆柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl“I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall！

Scene 5：Escape（逃跑）

二个卫兵拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。卫兵甲：Bad luck.He has no money.卫兵乙：Money?? You are joking!I have searched all his body, just two socks.卫兵甲:What?? Two socks?

卫兵乙:Nothing.Nothing.(回头)Too dangerous.卫兵甲:Put the socks out.卫兵乙L极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子卫兵甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了卫兵乙。

卫兵乙：Too brazen.(两人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair.荆柯（抬起头）：I will give you much more money if you set me free.二卫兵：Really? Where is the money? 荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。荆柯（站起来）：My brothers, I have a good idea.If you do it,you will get lots of money.二卫兵：Oh,please tell it to us!

荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death.Only the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death.So no one will find out the secret.二卫兵：Good idea！(竖指)荆柯去一边的树林里，拿出两袋钱，扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱，忽卫兵丙推自行车上。

二卫兵（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good！两人一把抓住骑车人，只往下拉，车子扔在地上。卫兵丙：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong.Oh,no no！!Have I crime? 二卫兵（异口同声）：Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more起)

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第二篇：荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror,on the wall, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? 阿三:Talent!Johann Goth said.“If you cherish your value of your own life, you will create something valuable for the world.” Einstein said.“The life value should be judged from his contribution rather than his profession.” Einstein said.And Marx said…！！！!nana 太子：STOP!STOP！and you are the talent.i have to say it is a good idea!But who is the right candidate? Who is the hero? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan.Action II（《十面埋伏》）荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁

Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲

Off course!耸耸肩表示同意

李莫愁

Come on!音乐起

两人开打 李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt? 荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.（死去）荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：Oh my god.Miss LiMoChou is dead！you you you are the king of the killer’s world!How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh shit.Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!So easy.太子丹：so smart!How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒 oh my god…… 荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）I need your help.you know I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying zheng envy me so deeply that he want to kill me.so it always advantageous to make the first move.荆轲:To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.Our country need your help!help us!please… 荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：you can taste all the delicious food in our country.荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.you are out!阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.Look at the beautiful scenery.We would have some very mellow,warming red wine in sparking glasses twinking in the candlelights,the hues and aroma filling us.Our senses heightened,breathing deeply to the point of silent sighs,we would enjoy…

荆珂：Just stop here, please.Otherwise I will kill you first.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）I love not because who you are,but because who I am when I am with you.荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!you are my hero.I will be right here waiting for you.I wll miss you forever.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!With pleasant cooperation!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng

第三篇：荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.Action II

（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?

荆轲Of course!耸耸肩表示同意

李莫愁Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来，“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。”

李莫愁倒地，荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）。荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.”

荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第四篇：荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王

1Hero_Revised.mp3 旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.2 flashbesRevised.mp3 Action I（清早，鸡鸣声起……）

太子丹（清晨初醒，打个哈欠，哼起小调，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)

Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状，奸笑……）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II 十面埋伏刘德华与金城武打斗的音乐Revised 荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲 Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起（人在江湖飘）两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒 荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗…… 3拉丁动感伦巴声响起

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三（啊……）做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(跳的很high边跳边做诚恳状的说)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（吵杂的环境中）太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（大话西游》主题曲《响起）only you 荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看(流口水，并吹口哨)，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，（假装轻轻的抽泣）荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never…… 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机，音乐手机按键的声音)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第五篇：荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

旁白(Aside a crazy countrytrying to show)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was , in this crazy country there were some crazy people, the crazy history

swordsman

by crazy ways.Mr Jingke

and was sent

he failed.was the most famous to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.（从前，有个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家里诞生了很多疯狂的人们，竭力用疯狂的方式去上演疯狂的历史。荆轲先生是出了名的剑客被派送去刺杀秦王，“Yingzheng”。但是最后他失败了。你想知道在那个时候究竟发生了什么吗？那么，接下来的表演将会为你揭幕！）Action I(情节1)

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）

I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractivejealous

man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

（镜子、镜子、告诉我，谁是这个世界上最漂亮的男人？【是你，太子丹！】 谢谢你，镜子。我就是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最具魅力的男人，但是Ying Zheng是个爱妒忌的人，我觉得如果魔镜告诉了他真相他会杀了我。我好害怕。我该怎么办？我的大臣在哪儿。。？）阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.（亲爱的，我来了。）

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、gracefulcute、smart

、handsome、charming、and dearest Prince Dan”!（我再三地警告你，你应该称我为“我最漂亮的、最优雅的、最帅气的、最具魅力的、最可爱的、最聪明的、最亲爱的太子丹！”）阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero

to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）（遵命，亲爱的！我有个好主意，我们可以找一个英雄去杀死Ying Zheng）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity

in this century

? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate

?（耶！是啊！在这个世纪什么是最具价值的？人才！太棒了！但是谁才是合适的候选人呢？）

阿三：I have two promising

persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.（在幕后，我手头上有两个非常有潜质的人。一个是李莫愁小姐，一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将pk谁将成为世界上第一流的杀手。）太子：Well, show me the winner（好，最快让我知晓胜出者。）阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲:Are you Li mochou?（你是你莫愁？）李莫愁:Yes.荆轲:OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.（我是荆轲，你知道否？我将让你见识到我就是杀手国度中的老大！）李莫愁:Are you challengingDo you want a piece of me ？

荆轲：Of course!耸耸肩表示同意（当然！）李莫愁：Come on!（来吧！）音乐起 两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑

me?（你在挑战我吗？）as soon as possible, OK?李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?（怎么会这样？你怎么安然无恙？）荆轲: We don't need any reason

to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolatesgonna, Mochou.You never know what you're get.” I got it, Momma is right.（妈妈总是说：“人生就是一盒巧克力糖，莫愁，你永远都不知道你将会得到什么。” 我懂！妈妈是对的。）荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?（你好吗？）

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（挺好，谢谢，你呢？）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me a different answer to “How are you”?（噢！天哪！你就不能对“你好吗”给个创新点的回答吗？）

荆柯：Sure!（可以）

太子丹：How are you?（你好吗？）

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（好，谢谢，你老婆好吗？）太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!（嗨！伙计，我开玩笑罢了！）太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?（我也是开玩笑的，能让我看下你的名片吗？）荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.（生还是死，这是个问题！）阿三：Hero，we need your help.（英雄，我们需要你的帮助。）荆柯：I am busy now!（我现在没空。）

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.(你将会得到一大笔钱的。)荆柯：I am very busy now!（我现在很忙！）阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?（智能卡、身份证、智商卡？）荆柯：I am very very busy now!（我现在特别忙！！）

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（看！她是世界上最美的女孩。如果你点头，她就是你的。）

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy

and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!（我不得不说他是很性感很漂亮，但TCM才是我唯一的“菜”！）

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?（什么？什么是TCM？）荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.（嗨！家伙！你看起来挺聪明怎么连TCM都不晓得呢？他们当中的任何人都可以给你这个答案。）

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?（打扰！什么是TCM？）观众甲：TCM-Traditional 国美眉！）

Chinese MM.（传统的中太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimmingproduct

tea.It is a brand new of Unilever China.（我必须给你看下将牌！女士们先生们，这是利普顿瘦身茶。这是中国的一种全新的产品。）荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens

to leave me if I couldn’t lose my weight.（减肥茶!我都梦想了千万遍。我老婆总是威胁我如果我不减肥她就离开我。）

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although

your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（你要吗？你要就大声说！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你的眼里充满了诚意，我很高兴，但你还是得必须大声说出来！确定？！你真的喜欢?真的？）

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（只要告诉我我到底该怎么做？我会为你做一切。）太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already 雄，我们已经到了Yishui河了。）荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell此罢别，再见，我的朋友。）

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（宝贝，我会想你的。）

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.（亲爱的，我爱你！）妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）（我爱你！对我来说你比这整个世界的一切都更重要。）

荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)（我更爱你。尽管这个可笑迂腐的的世界天崩地裂，我依然爱你！）

妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.（恩，像个男人，放手去做！我会在此一直等你！）, my friends（请就

reached Yishui River.（英荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor

...promise

me

you

will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what

...promise me now, happens...no matter how hopelessand never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.（心肝宝贝儿！你必须帮我这个忙，答应我你会好好活着。。永远都不要放弃。。不管发生什么。。不管多么的绝忚。。答应我，永远不要忘了那个誓言。。）妻子:“I promise.”（我答应你）

荆轲:“Never let go.“（永远不要轻毁诺言。）

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……（这个时候死不错，永远不要回来，永远。。永远。。）妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance transfer

$1000, 000, I will

.half of it, $500,000 to your account（非常感谢你。只要我能得到1百万人生保险，我将转一半到你的账户。）

阿三：Okay okay!（好！好！）旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally

killed by Yingzheng.（那时荆轲已被派遣到秦国，最后被Yingzheng杀害！）