英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王

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第一篇:英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王

4-5人剧本,短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹;荆轲;荆轲妻;谋士阿三;莫愁;旁白 旁白(Aside)/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!(面对观众)I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三:Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)太子:Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状)Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三:Yes.Action II(《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲

Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑 李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?(赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?)

李莫愁:Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上(抱拳):How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹:Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯:Sure!太子丹:How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒

荆柯:Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹:Oh, I’m kidding too!(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三:Hero,we need your help.荆柯:I am busy now!太子丹:You can get a lot of money.荆柯:I am very busy now!阿三:IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯:I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三:What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三:Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲:TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹:I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯(激动):Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三:You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗……(《No matter》音乐起,荆轲先与阿三跳探戈,拥入怀中,又甩出去,阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴,最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型,向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿,荆轲做调戏状。)

荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三(撞胯,击掌)Yeah!

Action Ш(《大话西游》主题曲响起)

荆珂挽着妻子,太子丹,阿三在后.阿三:Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂:Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹:I will miss you, baby.(太子丹,阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起,荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过,向荆轲抛媚眼,并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看,妻子发觉不对,扭过头来。)荆珂(急忙收敛):Darling, I love you.妻子:I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)荆珂(流泪):I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)妻子:Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."(荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。)妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪,荆珂上船,渐渐远去

妻子:It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号,阿三接手机): Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三:Okay okay!旁白:Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

第二篇:英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王修改版

5-9人剧本(男版),短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹;荆轲;母氏;谋士阿二,三;莫愁;旁白等 旁白(Aside)/介绍(Introduction): Long long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!(面对观众)I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where are my ministers? 阿二 阿三: Honey, we are coming.太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿二:Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)太子:Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? 二十一世纪最需要的是什么(这句话要跟观众交流)阿二 阿三:Talent!人才!

太子丹:Great!Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿二:After screening I have one promising persons on hand.阿三:I have one too!太子丹:What are they? 阿二:His name is JinKe.阿三:Her name is LiMoChou,my lord!太子丹:but who should I choose ? 阿二:Tomorrow let them PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿二 阿三:Yes.Action II(《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)荆轲 :Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁:Yes.荆轲:OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁:Are you challenging me? 荆轲 :Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁:Come on!。。。。。。。。Look,帅哥!

(李莫愁扭头,荆轲打到李莫愁)荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why?you are 使诈

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?(赢一个人需要理由么,不

需要么,需要么?)

李莫愁:Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上(抱拳):How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹:Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯:Sure!太子丹:How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒

荆柯:Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹:Oh, I’m kidding too!(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿二:Hero,we need your help.荆柯:I am busy now!太子丹:You can get a lot of money.荆柯:I am very busy now!阿三:IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯:I am very very busy now!阿二(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三:What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯: Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹:Ok!I will 忍痛割爱!母氏 come here!(《No matter》音乐起,荆轲先与母氏跳探戈,拥入怀中)

荆柯: You are so cute, I believe that I have fallen in love with you.That may be the love at first sight!(一见钟情)(将母氏甩出去!抛媚眼)太子丹:You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take them and her!Do you really like? Really? 荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.Action Ш

荆珂挽着母氏,太子丹,阿三在后.阿三:Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂:Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹:I will miss you, baby.(太子丹,阿二,三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起 荆珂:Darling, I love you.母氏:I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)荆珂(流泪):I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.。。音乐停(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)力拔山兮气盖世,时不利兮骓不适,骓不适兮可奈何,母姬,母姬,奈若何!母氏:Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).母氏:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

母氏:”I promise.I will never let go, Jingke.I'll never let go."(《泰坦尼克号》的台词。)母氏努力挤出几滴眼泪,荆珂上船,渐渐远去(霸王别姬音乐起)第四幕:murdering(刺秦).一大臣跑在前,一大臣紧随其后,跑了一圈,便上气不接下气。

大臣甲(掏出手机一看):Hey, bad luck.I am late.The bonus of this month has been lost.大臣乙:I am tired.I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.大臣乙(看了一下大臣甲):Good.Good.Your skin is fine.大臣甲:I use “ Da Bao” everyday.大臣乙:I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things.Be quick, to have a look.大臣甲:Come on 秦王上座,两个大臣各坐一边。卫兵甲:“Can we begin?” 秦王“begin”

卫兵甲:“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in” 秦王:“Jingke.What’s wrong with you?”

荆柯:“Nothing.Nothing.May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.秦王(不烦):What’s the good things,quickly!”

荆柯献图,图穷匕首见,荆柯举刀刺秦,(旁白:Go Go Go Only Only响起)秦王摔倒,转身逃跑,其他人抱头趴在地上。

两个人围着大臣兜圈,过了一会儿……

大臣甲喊道:“Mr King, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壶,秦王接住,咂了一下,顿时,力大无比,立刻将荆柯打倒在地。

秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me? 荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。Please forgive me!秦王:You will never live again.What would you like to say?(《大话西游》主题曲响起)

荆柯:My lovely lady,Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pain in the world comes near this, if God could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time

before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.秦王(吼道):Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall!

第五幕:Escape(逃跑)

二个卫兵拖着荆柯上,(手脚以被绑)将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁,甲搜身。卫兵甲:Bad luck.He has no money.卫兵乙:Money?? You are joking!I have searched all his body, just two socks.卫兵甲:What?? Two socks? 卫兵乙:Nothing.Nothing.(回头)Too dangerous.卫兵甲:Put the socks out.卫兵乙L极不情愿,拿出了一双大小不一的袜子

卫兵甲看了看,比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里,短的扔给了卫兵乙。卫兵乙:Too dirty.(两人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair.荆柯(抬起头):I will give you much more money if you set me free.二卫兵:Really? Where is the money? 荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意,解开了绳子。

荆柯(站起来):My brothers, I have a good idea.If you do it, you will get lots of money.二卫兵:Oh, please tell it to us!荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death.Only the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death.So no one will find out the secret.二卫兵:Good idea!(竖指)荆柯去一边的树林里,拿出两袋钱,扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱,忽路人出现。二卫兵(双目相视,大笑,同声):Good!两人一把抓住路人

路人:What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong.Oh, no no!!Have I crime? 二卫兵(异口同声):Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more 起)剧情可自行改动,根据人数可将某些角色的台词化为一人!或一人多个角色!

第三篇:英语话剧剧本——荆轲刺秦王

4-5人剧本,短小搞笑

Roles: 太子丹;荆轲;荆轲妻;谋士阿三;莫愁;旁白 旁白(Aside)/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!(面对观众)I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)

太子:Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状)Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三:Yes.Action II(《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲

Of course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?(赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?)

李莫愁:Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹:(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三:Hero,we need your help.荆柯:I am busy now!太子丹:You can get a lot of money.荆柯:I am very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三:What? What’s the TCM?

观众甲:TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.荆柯(诚恳状)If you give me a TCM, I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三(撞胯,击掌)Yeah!

Action Ш(《大话西游》主题曲响起)(太子丹,阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起,荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,荆珂:Darling, I love you.妻子:I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)荆珂(流泪):I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)妻子:Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."(荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。)荆珂上船,渐渐远去

旁白:Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

第四篇:原创历史话剧剧本《荆轲刺秦王》

原创历史话剧剧本《荆轲刺秦王》 旁白:为了捍卫燕国的国土和消除见陵之耻,易水诀别之后,背负着巨大使命的荆轲和秦武阳便踏上了刺杀秦王的不归之路。这天,他们来到了秦国,并要去拜见秦王。放音乐:《快乐你懂得》 秦王:(大笑)哈哈哈,大家知道我是谁吗?旁白:为了捍卫燕国的国土和消除见陵之耻,易水诀别之后,背负着巨大使命的荆轲和秦武阳便踏上了刺杀秦王的不归之路。这天,他们来到了秦国,并要去拜见秦王。

放音乐:《快乐你懂得》

秦王:(大笑)哈哈哈,大家知道我是谁吗?我就是鼎鼎大名的秦王赢郑。(笑)哈哈,今天燕国派遣荆轲来送地图,燕国的版图很快就成我的了。(坐到台中央的椅子上)。侍女:给秦王扇风。(表现得很喜庆)

音乐停。

荆轲:(京剧的步伐上场晃一圈,然后走到台边上)风萧萧兮易水寒,壮士一去不复返!唉,今天这一去生死难卜啊!

荆轲和秦武阳分别拿着装有地图的匣子(秦武阳拿着)和呈有樊於期头颅的匣子(荆轲拿着),缓缓走上大殿。

秦武阳:(脸色突然由红变白,整个人微微颤抖着)

大臣A:(吆喝)使者你干什么变了脸色?

秦武阳:(结巴地)我,我……(手在抖动)

荆轲:(回头对秦武阳一笑,转过头去对秦王说)山野草夫第一次,不曾见过天子,大王不要跟他一般见识,请允许他在大王面前完成他的使命吧(显得诚恳)。

秦王:(面带疑色,却又瞬间大笑)哈哈,好,你把他手中的地图程上来给寡人瞧瞧。(挥手指着秦武阳手中的地图)

荆轲:(转身,从秦武阳那接过地图,步伐沉重地走上大殿,来到秦王面前)秦王:打开来给寡人好好看看。

放音乐:《命运交响曲》

荆轲:遵命。(缓缓打开地图卷,穷图匕现,左手抓住秦王的衣袖,右手抽出匕首,向秦王刺去)

秦武阳:(吓得瘫坐在地)

秦王:(大惊失色,向旁边闪去,匕首没有刺到,挣着站起身来,衣袖被扯断了。转身拔剑,却只抓住剑鞘)

荆轲:(再次挥着匕首向秦王而去)

音乐:《命运交响曲》停,放《斗牛曲》。

秦王和荆轲绕着柱子转。

秦武阳:(偷偷地躲到了角落里)

荆轲:你这暴君,看你往哪跑!

大臣A、B:(惊慌失措,左顾右盼寻找武器)

大臣A、B:空手与荆轲搏斗,试图抓住荆轲。

夏无且:(一拍脑袋,将手中的要袋朝荆轲扔了过去)

大臣A、B:(大喊)王负剑!王负剑!

荆轲:(手一扬,将药袋打到一边去)

秦王:(拔出剑,向荆轲的左腿砍去)

荆轲:(轻微的)啊!(负伤倒下,顺手将匕首向秦王扔过去)

音乐停。

秦王:(向一边闪去,匕首中柱,秦王大怒)你这斯怎么不知好歹!!(挥剑向荆轲砍去)

旁白:荆轲受了八处剑伤,自知事情已经失败。

放音乐:《二泉映月》

荆轲:(慢慢移到柱子边上,背倚着柱子,两腿张开,两手按膝,骂到)你知道我为什么会失败吗?你不要天真地以为是我没能力才杀不了你,你要记着这是我故意放你一马,为的只是想活捉你,强迫你订一个条约来报答燕国的太子啊!

士兵们一拥而上。

荆轲:风萧萧兮易水寒,壮士一去……(荆轲被杀死)

音乐停。

秦王:(眼前一阵眩晕,一个站立不稳,向后倒去)

大臣们:(一拥而上,扶住秦王,嘴里叫到)大王!

谢幕。。

剧中角色:秦王、荆轲、秦武阳、夏无且、大臣A、B、柱子、侍女、旁白、士兵您正浏览的文章原创历史话剧剧本《荆轲刺秦王》由天空剧本网()整理,原文地址为:

第五篇:话剧《荆轲刺秦王》剧本(1.15)

荆轲刺秦王1.15版

荆轲刺秦王

(历史荒诞剧)

人物:太子丹,荆轲,秦舞阳,秦王,本·拉登,侍卫2人,旁白

旁白:(背景音乐《曹操》)话说约公元前NNN年,秦王继续实施自己吞并六国的宏伟大计,慢慢逼近燕国。此时,为了保住燕国,燕太子丹也正在实行自己的行刺秦王计划,他变卖了所有的家当,然后在全国范围内招募可以前往秦国行刺的勇士。传说中的荆轲刺秦王的故事就是这么开始的。

旁:号外,号外,太子丹为妹妹比武招亲了啊,各路英雄想一睹公主的美貌的,赶快报名罗!

第一幕 万人丛中觅英雄

(招募现场,人物:太子丹,荆轲,阿富汗大叔本·拉登)

旁白:比武招亲大会总决赛现在开始,传选手,燕国大将荆轲,阿富汗大叔本·拉登进殿。太子丹:欢迎!欢迎!请坐!请坐!哇噻,还来了位外国朋友,为了表示礼貌,先跟这位外

国友人打声招呼先。(对拉登大叔)HELLO啊,English You know 啊? You know 不 know啊? 那个My name is TAI ZI DAN,那个you name is what 啊?(拉登大叔一脸茫然)

本·拉登:太子殿下,我不仅懂中文,我还懂四川话呢!

太子丹:哦,还懂四川话啊,不早说!那我学那么多外语岂不是浪费了。好,两位高手,欢

迎来到今天的比武招亲决赛现场。那个,不好意思啊,之前小弟跟大家开了个小小的玩笑,其实呢,今天召集大家来是为了商量行刺秦王,救天下百姓于水深火热之中的大计!我妹妹呢,并没有要比武招亲,呵呵。

(俩人挥袖离去)

太子丹:唉,别,别走啊,这什么世道嘛…….(大喊)唉唉唉,回来!谁要是前往行刺秦

王,我就把公主许配给他!

(俩人快速归位)

太子丹:好,两位英雄都是性情中人,我喜欢。此次行刺非同小可,时间短,任务重,所以

我们在全国范围内进行了海选,海选完以后又分南北两个分区比赛,两位就是南北两个分赛区的总冠军,过五关斩六将,层层PK才进入今天的决赛,真的不容易啊。也说明两位真的是才高八斗,学富五车,比超女还超,比快男还快。所以希望你们今天也能发挥出自己的最好水平。好,你们看下面,今天也有很多你们的fans到场助威,先跟大家大声招呼把。

荆轲:(唱)“有没有人曾告诉你我很爱你,有没有曾在你日记里哭泣。有没有人曾告诉你我很在意,在意这座城市的距离。”大家好,俺就是燕国十大杰出青年之一荆轲,支持我的朋友们,移动用户,联通用户,小联通用户请编辑短信6666666发送到8888888,请大家一定要支持我哦,O耶!

本·拉登:“我的心里只有你没有他,你要相信我的情意并不假,只有你才是我梦想,只有

你才叫我牵挂,我的心里没有他。”大家好,我是拉登。请大家一定要支持我,O耶!太子丹:好,两位选手的介绍都很别具一格啊,那么在介绍之后,我们的决赛正式开始。你,准备好了吗?第一场,武力大比拼。作为一名优秀的杀手,强健的体魄是第一要求。

1知道什么叫强健的体魄吗?(做动作臭美)所以,首先你们要比试腕力!(比试,荆轲飞吻取胜)

太子丹:好,第一场惊心动魄啊!最终是英勇无敌的荆兄弟胜出!好,我们进行第二场。下

面考考文化题。荆兄弟,据说你文思如泉涌,下笔如有神,那么请你现场作诗一首,如何?

荆轲:(久时间酝酿)啊……春天不洗脚,处处蚊子咬。夜半一翻身,压死真不少。

太子丹:好诗,好诗!荆兄弟不愧是大才子!拉登大叔,你是International Friend,那么就

考个容易一点的吧,那个你做个听写吧,就那个,周杰伦的《双截棍》,侍卫,给拉登大叔上一杆毛笔!(music《双截棍》,秦舞阳舞双截棍)

本·拉登:(挥袖离去,在台边)这是嘛玩意啊,一个字都听不懂!这么欺负人,小心老子

我丢你两颗原子弹!

太子丹:一看就是个粗人,干不得刺杀这种技术含量高的活!来来来,荆兄,恭喜你挑战

成功,耶!(荆向观众致意,太子丹下)

荆轲:太子殿下,太子殿下,公主,公主在哪里啊?

第二幕 易水边上送壮士

(易水边上,人物:太子丹,荆轲,秦舞阳)

太子丹:兄弟,干!

荆轲:干,兄弟!

太子丹:兄弟啊,你真乃大英雄也!此次一去,乃为了燕国上下黎民百姓,人民会记住你的!荆轲:(粤语)我顶他个肺!秦王如此凶残,此次不取他的人头,我荆轲愧对天下人。太子丹:好,不亏是我的好兄弟!干!

荆轲:干!我说兄弟,你给我准备了什么武器啊?

太子丹:武器,有!(拍手,秦舞阳拿斧头上)

荆轲:啊,就一把斧头?

太子丹:兄弟,你可别小看了这斧头,这可是取千年寒铁所造,削铁如泥,吹毛断发!荆轲:可是兄弟,我们这是去行刺啊,又不是去干架,这么大的斧头怎么带进去啊!

太子丹:哦,是哦,这是个问题哦。好,我还有小的!(拍手,秦舞阳拿一特小的小刀上)荆轲:兄弟,这也太小了吧,削苹果都不行啊。

太子丹:兄弟,你可别小看了这小刀,这可是取千年寒铁所造,削铁如泥,吹毛断发!来,我给你试试!(拔一根头发下来试,结果没吹断,用力锯断)看吧,吹毛断发,吹毛短发!

荆轲:我说兄弟啊,咱这武器也太原始了点吧!前两天拉登大叔不是来了吗?怎么不向他进

口两导弹什么的,没有导弹,搞两把AK47也好啊。

太子丹:兄弟,不是我不想啊。那个拉登大叔,当天被我这题目一考,气不过来,就去搞两

飞机,把人家纽约的世贸中心双子楼给撞了,这不,正被美国佬全球通缉着嘛。

荆轲:这哥们火气太盛。庶子不足以谋!好,舍生取义,杀人成仁,兄弟,我去也。太子丹:慢!兄弟我还有一勇士,望能助你一臂之力。秦舞阳!

秦舞阳:老大,到。

太子丹:兄弟,这是我身边最好的勇士之一。6岁就学会泡人家幼儿园小妹妹,10岁搞失恋,12岁离家出走,13岁就杀了人,骁勇善战,心狠手辣,定能助你完成刺秦大计!(转向秦舞阳)以后你就跟着荆兄弟混吧,别给咱丢脸啊!

秦舞阳:是!老大请多多关照!小弟我定为了老大鞠躬尽瘁,死而后已!上刀山,下火海,跳油锅,在所不辞!

太子丹:兄弟,英雄,上路吧。

荆轲:等等!(酝酿)风萧萧兮易水寒,壮士一去兮不复还!

太子丹:好诗,好诗,有气势!

荆轲:其实,我是个诗人!啊,十年生死两茫茫……

太子丹:兄弟,上路吧……

(荆轲走)

太子丹:等等!兄弟!(《兄弟》的音乐起,太子丹拿出手机,作深情唱歌状)

(荆轲回头,看到公主,与公主依依惜别)

第三幕 秦王殿里显英豪

(秦王殿内,人物:荆轲,秦舞阳,秦王,美女侍卫两人)

(殿外,俩美女把门,荆、秦俩帅哥上)

荆轲:两位美女,麻烦通报一声,俺是秦王的远房表哥,近日路过秦地,特来拜访。侍卫1:有预约没有?

荆轲:没有。

侍卫2:没有预约不行。回去,打这个电话预约。

荆轲:呵呵,美女,我跟他一起穿一条开裆裤长大的,还要预约啥呀。

侍卫1:我们大王日理万机,今天都有好几个新闻发布会和招待会要去参加,哪有那么多时

间见你们这些所谓的表哥表弟的,回去预约再来吧。

荆轲:两位美女行行好吧。

侍卫1、2:NO

秦舞阳:(拉荆轲到一旁)不就俩娘们吗,跟她们费那么大劲干嘛,咱直接拿俩锤头,硼这

么一下不得了。

荆轲:(打秦舞阳)锤你的头,锤你的头,什么素质啊!难怪你一辈子做不了老大!哥们口

碑一向贼好,能对俩美女动手吗?

秦舞阳:那,咱咋办啊?

荆轲:让我想想,让我想想,这点小事难不倒我这么伟大的头脑。(踱步想)有了!(和秦舞

阳耳语一番,同下)

(两人一人口叼一支玫瑰,上)

荆轲:美女,今晚的月亮好美啊!(侍卫含笑不答)月亮再美,美不过我手中的玫瑰,玫瑰

再美,美不过我身边的美眉!(唱)“你在我心中是最美,只有相爱的人最能体会,你明了我明了,这种美妙的滋味。”

(俩侍卫拿起花,嗅嗅,丢掉)

(荆和秦又耳语一番,用美色,露肩膀,露胳膊,两侍卫被吓跑)

旁白:大王召见荆轲,秦舞阳!

(荆、秦两人进,秦王正襟危坐。)

荆柯:哎呀,表弟,多年不见啊,你现在真是尽享荣华富贵啊!苟富贵,勿相忘哦!

秦王:哈哈哈哈,荆大将军演技果然高明,你不就是想来取我性命吗,何必拉那么多亲戚关

系呢?!

荆柯:啊,你怎么知道我们是来行刺的?

秦王:哈哈哈哈,(拿过一张报纸,“七国日报”)太子丹易水相送,荆轲刺秦计划启动,喏,还有照片呢!

荆柯:唉,狗仔队害人啊!!好,既然你知道了我们的意图,我也没有什么好隐瞒的了,你

就准备受死吧!

秦王:哈哈哈哈,荆大将军,要让我死,可没那么容易吧?

荆柯:可笑,你不知道我有百步穿杨的美称吗,现在你与我已在百步之内,只要我动手,随

时可以取你性命!

秦王:是麽,哈哈哈哈,那我倒要看看荆大将军的百步穿杨啦!

荆轲:香蕉你个疤瘌!小瞧我,去死吧。

(《无间道》音乐起,荆抽小刀,与两侍卫搏斗,打败侍卫后,逼近秦王,秦舞阳掏出手枪,指向荆柯的额头,均使用慢动作)

荆轲:原来你就是那个卧底!能不能给我一个机会,我想做一次英雄!

秦舞阳:对不起,我是卧底!

秦王:哈哈哈哈,荆大将军,束手就擒吧!

荆轲:士可杀,不可辱。要杀要刮随你便!

秦王:荆大将军,我念你是条汉子,今天就给你一个公平竞争的机会!你跟我打,要是你能

杀了我,你也可以成为英雄。

荆轲:好,是你自己找死啊!

(双方脱衣服,做准备工作,音乐起)

旁白:

1、中央电视台,深圳电视台,宝安电视台,观众朋友们大家晚上好,现在为大家现

场直播秦国第一届比武大赛。由燕国十大杰出青年之一荆轲挑战秦国2008年风云人物之首秦王。现在双方选手正在做准备活动。我们知道荆轲近几年来成绩非常不错啊,前不久刚打败了美国拳王泰森,不知道这次挑战是否会成功,我们拭目以待。本次比赛是由脑白金全程赞助举办的。今年过节不收礼,收礼还收脑白金。

2、好,现在比赛开始了。(侍卫加油)荆轲先是一招佛山无影脚出击,秦王一记龟派气功波还击。荆轲再是一招葵花点穴手,我点,我点。秦王再来一个降龙十八掌……啊,这比赛真是打的难解难分啊,给观众朋友们带来了很好的视觉享受!啊,两人抱着打在了一起,场面非常混乱,观众都分不清楚谁在占着优势。

3、(健翔式疾呼)啊,猴子偷桃,猴子偷桃,猴子偷桃,荆轲立功了,荆轲立功了,伟大的燕国杀手,他继承了燕国杀手的光荣传统,在这一刻灵魂附体,荆轲一个人代表了燕国杀手悠久的历史和传统,在这一刻,他不是一个人在战斗,他不是一个人,他身后站着13亿的中国人民,他不是一个人!

秦王:是你逼我出绝招的!(酝酿)

荆轲:放马过来吧!(酝酿)

(以猜酒令决胜负:人在江湖飘啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊……最终荆轲败)

秦王:哈哈哈哈,脑白金喝得不够吧!今年过节不收礼,收礼还收脑白金。耶!拖下去,斩

了!

荆轲:有心杀贼,无力回天,死得其所,快哉,快哉。啊!!

旁白:哎,世道变了,杀手不好做啊,下辈子还是来宝城所做律师吧。

<全剧完>-----2008,新年快乐:)

----CCH作品

2008年1月

附页

背景音乐:

《曹操》

《双截棍》

《兄弟》

《无间道》

道具:

双截棍(1)

毛笔(1)

斧头(1)

小刀(1)

扫把(1)

晾衣竿(1)

玫瑰花(2)

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