英语八人搞笑话剧--三笑三国

第一篇：英语八人搞笑话剧--三笑三国

《三笑三国》

开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor.The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei.don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.第一幕：人物，赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干

旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞！！（赵云出场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming.His name is Zhangfei.赵云：no！本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也！no!my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~

（赵云从背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗）

（顾影自怜状）

赵云：看！这就是主公的最后一点骨血！刘阿斗！我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭！look!this is the last blood of the boss!liu

e dou.i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already...ai ~.（夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出）

夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了（冲到）Children，stop there or i will kill you

（赵云左手抱阿斗，右手与之搏斗）

赵云：可恶！居然敢偷袭我！fuck,！

you bitch dare to attack me ??

（二人装腔作势打斗数招）

！stop！wait！!one two three...nine dark white bone fingers！

赵云：看我九阴白骨爪！（倒地）oh my gad

i'm over

夏侯敦：唔！

（下）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~

赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公！

（曹操、蒋干二人上）

曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃！真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟！

I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.It reminds me of a poem, “Dead Before the Ship Even Sank.Long the hero Tearful”

蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;

（曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒）

曹操：咦？这是谁扔的西瓜皮？（转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind?

曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术？？Do not Xiahou Dun? Is he engaged in what is called performance art?

（蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打，二人站起）

曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?

夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！曹操：那你呢？

What did you do?

夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him

i'mfightting

fightting fightting我我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打

打 打

曹操：然后呢？What then?

蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人！Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy（手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状）

夏侯敦：唔唔！

曹操：然后呢？

Then what happened?

夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible

（曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起）

（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far.Let's run after them.曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！

蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……（赞同状）Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology......（抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状）

夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~！

（三人下）

第二幕:人物：刘备 张飞

诸葛亮

赵云

（刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上）

旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.、（诸葛亮走在前面，张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后）

（转头）主公啊，按理说是您走先啦！（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us!Is not it?

诸葛亮：刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat（眺望状）主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here!I tell you a secret!I think it is about to rain!诸葛亮：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道将要下雨？great prediction！

刘备：No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know ？it's going to rain

（以手指前方）看天，那边有一块黑云来了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain

诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨；其次，today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!

（赵云上）

张飞：哇！那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊！Ha!That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!

（张飞迎上）

张飞：子龙！

long

赵云：翼德救我！help！!brother three.（张飞下）

赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着）boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss.but it have a long time to hear nothing.i am afraid...！

oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father

赵云：kao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！刘备：咳咳！

（赵云转身面向刘备）

诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗）

！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！

刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧！Why do I！（阿斗摔下）keep you alive，let me kill you！（赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞）

旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？

yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?

：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser

刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad!Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状）

so you drink to be a foolish?

赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！：啊~！！（惨烈地）

曹操（在台下）刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）

第三幕： 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮

旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo

（张飞上，在台上转一圈后，如京剧拿柱般亮相，定格）

（奸笑中）

曹操和蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿！

夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中）

（三人奸笑上台）！

Wa!Y

张飞：哇！火腿肠你回来拉！ou, The hot dog, come back!

。black man come again，Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid

夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！

Excuse me.May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!

（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu!(clenches teeth)

张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！

曹操：阉人？？原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦，上去解决他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it!

（夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出）

夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！

（定格）

（二人打在一起）蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also

cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly 曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it? 《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！“Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three”！

蒋干：曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧！珍爱生命，远离三俗啊！

I think you are too addicted to online games.What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.（张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦）

夏侯敦：oh my gad

i am over again又被打败了

（蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回）

曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦！？ Why does that coward become so brave?

张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！cao ,stops talking!Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!

曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!

张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on......On......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only……you……

（夏侯敦跃起）

夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下）

（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）

曹操：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）

蒋干：啊！

（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!

曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！（转过身去，以手捂耳）Look, Prime minister!The bridge broke!The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声）

（定格）

曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血状）

（诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上）

诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!刘备：三弟快打住！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！（以手捂耳）

张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不绝）

刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。

赵云：好的！ok

（赵云上前，以手捂住张飞的嘴，扛走，张飞依旧唱个不停）

（张飞、赵云二人下）旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ 《Only You》.(歌声再次响起，众人谢幕~~)。

since then, a song become very very famous.The name is

第二篇：《三笑三国》英语话剧

《三笑三国》

旁白—黄丽清

赵云—欧日斌

曹操—周会军

夏侯敦—罗靖慧

蒋干—黄忠丽 刘备—杨爱荣

诸葛亮—申海怡

张飞—刘汝强 道具：一坨布（代表阿斗）、枪（剑）。

开场介绍

Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduce the actors.The first is ZhaoYun,he is the mostly actor today.And his black brother is ZhangFei ,and there boss is LiuBei.Don't forget the other side Mr Cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,Don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.打，二人站起）

曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子A very black people with baby in his band.蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm.曹操：那你呢？What did you do? 夏侯敦：I I I„„ I rushed to him and fight with him.I’m fighting fighting fighting！我 我„„ 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打

曹操：然后呢？What then? 蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯敦将军杀退了敌人！Prime minister, it is likely that general Hou dun has defeated the enemy.夏侯敦：唔唔！Zhao Yun used his nine dark white bone fingers to me!I was so fearful.赵云用他的九阴白骨爪对付我，我好害怕！

（手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状）

曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened? 夏侯敦：No！No！No！I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible（曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起）

曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far.Let's run after them.蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理„„（赞同状）Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology......夏侯敦：Yes!Fighting,Fighting!Let’s go!好！打！打！上啊！（抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状）（三人下）

Ha!Zilong is coming now!I could not believe that you have Changsha a new tabletop without a minute!

（张飞迎上）张飞：子龙！ZiLong!赵云：翼德救我！help！!Third brother.（张飞下）

赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经„„（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着）Boss, I have irid my best to protect the little boss.but it have a long time to hear nothing.I am afraid...赵云：chao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father.刘备：咳咳！（赵云转身面向刘备）

诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？ZiLong,I don’t want to tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗）刘备：为了你这倒霉孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你干什么啊，我摔死你吧！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！

（阿斗摔下）（赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞）

旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓。请大家以此为鉴，日后请善待别人的孩子同时也要保护好你自己的孩子。This is why Liu a Dou is so foolish that lost his country.Please as a guide, please be kind to other people's children in the future to also want to protect your own children.赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？ ~~ where is the second bother ?

刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！：He layout the Sazhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad!Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more Santalum milk powder!赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状）so you drink to be a foolish?

曹操（在台下）：啊~！！（惨烈地）刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did ZhangFei returned to former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）

夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。black man come again，Blacks are very powerful，I'm fearful.曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！Excuse me.May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yi De from NaYan!(clenches teeth)（咬牙切齿的样子）

曹操：阉人？？原来只是一个太监„„夏侯敦，上去解决他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?HouDun,beat him!（夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出）夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！

（二人打在一起）旁白：真是厉害的车轮战啊，这时候夏侯已经被张飞打得狼狈不堪了。Is really fierce Che Lun Zhan ah!At this time ,XiaHouDun has been ZhangFei played in disorder.（定格）蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call XiaHouDun general to get down quickly.曹操：你怎么知道？How do you know it? 蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！“Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three”！曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧！珍爱生命，远离三俗啊！I think you are too addicted to online games.What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.（张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦）

夏侯敦：oh!my gad!I am over again.又被打败了（蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回）曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦！？ Now the world has changed.Why does that coward become so brave? 张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！CaoCao ,!Shut up!Listen to me!Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one!曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general DianWei was still alive,We would not be defeated!张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,I really want to sing a song.er, on......On......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only„„you„„（夏侯敦跃起）

夏侯敦：唔唔唔„„（以手捂耳，跑下）It’s very unpleasant to hear!太难听了！

曹操：啊！Help!（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）

蒋干：啊！It is simply, make the gods cry!简直是惊天地，泣鬼神啊！

（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳）曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!It seems, really beat me is someone singing.看来，真正打败我的是某人的歌声。

蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！（转过身去，以手捂耳）Look, Prime minister!The bridge broke!The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声）

曹操：aaaaaaa!（痛苦吐血状）

（定格）（诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上）

诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,OK?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!刘备：三弟快打住！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！（以手捂耳）

张飞：only you ~~~~~only„„you„„（余音不绝）

刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。ZiLong，carry ZhangFei back quickly。赵云：好的！OK（赵云上前，以手捂住张飞的嘴，扛走，张飞依旧唱个不停）（张飞、赵云二人下）旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song become very very famous.The name is《Only You》.(歌声再次响起，众人谢幕~~)。

第三篇：猪八戒背媳妇搞笑英语话剧剧本八人组合

语话剧剧本《高老庄抢亲》

广西财经学院 木槿花开根据教客网原话剧改制 An English play----Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King Cast: narrator(旁白君)Tang's monk(唐僧)The Monkey King(孙悟空)The old man（老头）The little girl（小女子）The old woman(老妈)pig(八戒)大家好，今天我们小组给大家表演的话剧是高老庄抢亲。下面我介绍一下我们组分配的角色，XX扮演的是XX......Hello, everyone, today our group to show the drama is Gao Laozhuang rob close.Let me introduce our group assigned roles.......（小女子走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。老头在一边叹息，擦泪。唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。）悟空：师傅，到了。Master, here we are.老妈：（看见唐僧面生，便过来询问）师傅，你们是打哪来啊？

唐僧（走到老头和老妈子面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？）Excuse me, sir.I am the monk from the east.Can we stay over here tonight? 老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。（别过脸去继续哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east.Sure.Sure, come in, please ……

（唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。）老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。

Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。Don’t be sad, madam.Take it easy.What happened? 老头：高僧有所不知，我们这里有一只猪精，今天要来跟我女儿成亲，大家都斗不过它，现在正准备把女儿送出去躲避。

Master, there is a spirit here.He wants to marry my daughter, tonight.We are all afraid of him.唐僧：施主莫怕，我这徒弟本领高强，也许他能帮上你们。Calm down, sir.My apprentice has great capability.Maybe, he can help you.老头：唉，高僧啊，以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅，结果都被这猪精打跑了。今天你们就躲着别出来了吧。

Alas!, master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable.But every time, they were defeated by the spirit.You’d better keep away tonight.老妈：高僧啊，你们一定要抓住那个妖怪，我女儿可不能嫁给妖怪啊！” Monks, you can seize the devil ah, my daughter can't marry the devil!唐僧：竟有此等妖怪在此！那妖怪长什么模样？

老头：那妖怪肥头大耳有长鼻，还有一个很厉害的武器！” 老妈：以前还幻化为人形，欺骗我们，高僧可要当心啊。”

悟空：噢，有这么厉害的妖怪？我倒要会他一会。待会你们只管躲起来，外面发生什么事，都不用管。

What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is.All of you just stay inside.Don’t come out no matter what happens.

八戒：小娘子还害羞呢，不敢出来见老猪吗？来，来，来，我们就要是夫妻了，还害什么羞呀！。

Darling, don’t be so shy!Please come to me.Come on, we will be a couple.(猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子，把小娘子拖了出来，小娘子作出害羞的样子，有时又做出猴子的模样。)八戒：小娘子，不用怕，我虽然长得丑，但本领高强，一定会让你过上好日子的。Darling, don’t be afraid.Although I am ugly, I am so powerful.I am sure that I can make you happy.(小娘子笑着点头，抓耳挠腮。)

八戒：背你？好，好，好。谁让你是我的媳妇呢？ Carry you on my back? All right.You're my wife after all.Come on.八戒把小女子背上：娘子，我们这就出发了。Darling, Let's go.小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧，呆子。Okay.Let’s go.（音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒)。八戒在台上走一圈，做出越走越慢，越走越累的样子。小女子在他背上抓耳挠腮，非常高兴。）

八戒：小娘子，你怎么这么重啊？ Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重，只怕是你不想背我吧？ Do you think so? Don't you want to carry me?)八戒：不,不,不，我背，我背。Yes, I do.I do.（继续艰难地走。小女子得意地在背上笑。八戒体力不支，一跤摔倒，小女子倒地之后，灵活地越上台上的假山，先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子，再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟。八戒听到女子的呻吟，忙东张西望找小媳妇。）

八戒：娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，摔着了没有？娘子，你摔到哪去了？怎么看不见你了？

Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why can't I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑，再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君，我在这里呢。I here!小女子：看你这么辛苦，我也摔疼了，那就休息休息吧。

You look so tired, and I feel sore.Let’s have a rest.八戒：太好了。我们就休息一下吧！

Have a rest? That’s a good idea.Let’s have a rest.Show me some skill then.八戒：好，让我露两手来给你看看。OK, let me show you my skill.

You silly, where are you going?，I'm taking you to meet our master..八戒：什么？取经人来了？ What? Has Tang's monk come? 悟空：走吧。Yes.Let's go!

老妈：高僧啊，真是多谢你们了！多亏你们，我女儿才能逃过劫难。Monk ah, Thank you so much!Thanks to you, my daughter can escape.老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒。Congratulations!老妈：高僧留步，这是我们给高僧们路上用的银两和做的几件衣服，希望你们能用上。Monks stay, this is we gave the monk road made of silver and a few pieces of clothes, hope that you can use.唐僧：多谢施主！徒儿们，我们上路吧。（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子）Thank you very much，Let's go ahead, my disciples.老头：高僧一路好走啊

悟空：八戒，还看什么呢？走了。

Bajie, there is nothing to attach to.Let's go!(八戒恋恋不舍地走到前面带路。)

第四篇：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous sword 搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲

Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 莫愁 Come on!音乐起 两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„

荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

第五篇：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow.Birds are dancing in the cold.A man is walking along the street ,step by step.Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches.Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you!Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me，who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name? Y:,I won’t change my name!no matter what happens.I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng.Who are you? X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts? X:Great, you know me!Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me!Let me go!X:No, I must kill you!Y:I don’t want to be killed.There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way!Because we are fighting now!you know ? Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good!I like drinking it.How do you know that? Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks, Y:Do you still want to kill me ? X:Sure, must!Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good!very good!I hope you will not forget what you said!? X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson!If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach!Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me!Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me.Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye(以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you? H:Hua—man—-lou!Have you seen ximenchuixue? Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC”.H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!

Y:You are right!H:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for!do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest!let me introduce yegucheng to you!（指Y）this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good.Can you give me a MM ? K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me!Hahaha……

Y:of course.美女出场 M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng!Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come.put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指)this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you? Y急切: king!Dear king!I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng!Come here!I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother!Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ? Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it.If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC.I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”.I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me!X:What?(侧耳装着听不到)You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you.I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha…… Y:Let me have a try!3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc? X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior!go away!

K;why ? why do you help him!who actually are you ? M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶:!you—you—You are X’lover? Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me!I hate you.(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning!K:what a moving story!I was impressed!Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume!M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume!(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together.X:go home!? M:Tomorrow is another day!even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise.I will never let go（X死）, M: be alive!yeah , be alive!be alive without ahendance!