The power of vulnerability 脆弱的力量

第一篇：The power of vulnerability 脆弱的力量

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Ha ha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.那我就这么开始吧：几年前，一个活动策划人打电话给我，因为我当时要做一个演讲。她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你。”我心想，怎么会苦恼呢？她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者，可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。”（笑声）好。然后她说：“但是我喜欢你的演讲，就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当。”而那个做学术的，感到不安的我脱口而出道：“你要叫我什么？”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。“我心想：”为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵？“（笑声）我说：”让我考虑一下。“我试着鼓起勇气。我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。我收集故事；这就是我的工作。或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。或许我就是一个讲故事的人。于是我说：”听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。“她说：”哈哈，没这么个说法呀。“（笑声）所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的--我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知--我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究的，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。

And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, ”Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.“ And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, ”Really?“ and he was like, ”Absolutely.“ And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the ”life's messy, love it.“ And I'm more of the, ”life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.“(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, ”Lean into the discomfort of the work.“ And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.我的故事从这里开始。当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年，有位研究教授对我们说：”事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。“我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。我说：“真的么？”他说：“当然。”你得知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。而我的观点则倾向于，生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入便当盒里。（笑声）我觉得我领悟到了关键，有能力去创一番事业，让自己--真的，社会工作的一个重要理念是置身于工作的不适中。我就是要把这不适翻个底朝天每科都拿到A。这就是我当时的信条。我当时真的是跃跃欲试。我想这就是我要的职业生涯，因为我对乱成一团，难以处理的课题感兴趣。我想要把它们弄清楚。我想要理解它们。我想侵入那些我知道是重要的东西把它们摸透，然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。

So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one ”opportunity for growth?“(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.所以我的起点是“关系”。因为当你从事了10年的社会工作，你必然会发现关系是我们活着的原因。它赋予了我们生命的意义。就是这么简单。无论你跟谁交流工作在社会执法领域的也好，负责精神健康、虐待和疏于看管领域的也好我们所知道的是，关系是种感应的能力--生物神经上，我们是这么被设定的--这就是为什么我们在这儿。所以我就从关系开始。下面这个场景我们再熟悉不过了，你的上司给你作工作评估，她告诉了你37点你做得相当棒的地方，还有一点--成长的空间？（笑声）然后你满脑子都想着那一点成长的空间，不是么。这也是我研究的一个方面，因为当你跟人们谈论爱情，他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事。当你跟人们谈论归属感，他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心的被排斥的经历。当你跟人们谈论关系，他们跟我讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。

So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this ”I'm not good enough,“--which we all know that feeling: ”I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.“ The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.所以很快的--在大约开始研究这个课题6周以后--我遇到了这个前所未闻的东西它揭示了关系以一种我不理解也从没见过的方式。所以我暂停了原先的研究计划，对自己说，我得弄清楚这到底是什么。它最终被鉴定为耻辱感。耻辱感很容易理解，即害怕被断绝关系。有没有一些关于我的事如果别人知道了或看到了，会认为我不值得交往。我要告诉你们的是：这种现象很普遍；我们都会有（这种想法）。没有体验过耻辱的人不具有人类的同情或关系。没人想谈论自己的糗事，你谈论的越少，你越感到可耻。滋生耻辱感的是一种“我不够好.”的心态--我们都知道这是个什么滋味：”我不够什么。我不够苗条，不够有钱，不够漂亮，不够聪明，职位不够高。“而支撑这种心态的是一种刻骨铭心的脆弱，关键在于要想产生关系，我们必须让自己被看见，真真切切地被看见。

And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.你知道我怎么看待脆弱。我恨它。所以我思考着，这次是轮到我用我的标尺击溃它的时候了。我要闯进去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的时间，彻底瓦解耻辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么运作的，然后我要智取胜过它。所以我准备好了，非常兴奋。跟你预计的一样，事与愿违。（笑声）你知道这个（结果）。我能告诉你关于耻辱的很多东西，但那样我就得占用别人的时间了。但我在这儿可以告诉你，归根到底--这也许是我学到的最重要的东西在从事研究的数十年中。我预计的一年变成了六年，成千上万的故事，成百上千个采访，焦点集中。有时人们发给我期刊报道，发给我他们的故事--不计其数的数据，就在这六年中。我大概掌握了它。

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.我大概理解了这就是耻辱，这就是它的运作方式。我写了本书，我出版了一个理论，但总觉得哪里不对劲--它其实是，如果我粗略地把我采访过的人分成具有自我价值感的人--说到底就是自我价值感--他们勇于去爱并且拥有强烈的归属感--另一部分则是为之苦苦挣扎的人，总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。区分那些敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人和那些为之而苦苦挣扎的人的变量只有一个。那就是，那些敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人相信他们值得被爱，值得享有归属感。就这么简单。他们相信自己的价值。而对于我，那个阻碍人与人之间关系的最困难的部分是我们对于自己不值得享有这种关系的恐惧，无论从个人，还是职业上我都觉得我有必要去更深入地了解它。所以接下来我找出所有的采访记录找出那些体现自我价值的，那些持有这种观念的记录，集中研究它们。

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.这群人有什么共同之处？我对办公用品有点痴迷，但这是另一个话题了。我有一个牛皮纸文件夹，还有一个三福极好笔，我心想，我该怎么给这项研究命名呢？第一个蹦入我脑子的是全心全意这个词。这是一群全心全意，靠着一种强烈的自我价值感在生活的人们。所以我在牛皮纸夹的上端这样写道，而后我开始查看数据。事实上，我开始是用四天时间集中分析数据，我从头找出那些采访，找出其中的故事和事件。主题是什么？有什么规律？我丈夫带着孩子离开了小镇，因为我老是陷入像杰克逊.波洛克（美国近代抽象派画家）似的疯狂状态，我一直在写，完全沉浸在研究的状态中。下面是我的发现。这些人的共同之处在于勇气。我想在这里先花一分钟跟大家区分一下勇气和胆量。勇气，最初的定义，当它刚出现在英文里的时候--是从拉丁文cor，意为心，演变过来的--最初的定义是真心地叙述一个故事，告诉大家你是谁的。所以这些人就具有勇气承认自己不完美。他们具有同情心，先是对自己的，再是对他人的，因为，事实是，我们如果不能善待自己，我们也无法善待他人。最后一点，他们都能和他人建立关系，--这是很难做到的--前提是他们必须坦诚，他们愿意放开自己设定的那个理想的自我以换取真正的自我，这是赢得关系的必要条件。The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.他们还有另外一个共同之处那就是，他们全然接受脆弱。他们相信让他们变得脆弱的东西也让他们变得美丽。他们不认为脆弱是寻求舒适，也不认为脆弱是钻心的疼痛--正如我之前在关于耻辱的采访中听到的。他们只是简单地认为脆弱是必须的。他们会谈到愿意说出“我爱你”，愿意做些没有的事情，愿意等待医生的电话，在做完乳房X光检查之后。他们愿意为情感投资，无论有没有结果。他们觉得这些都是最根本的。

I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.我当时认为那是背叛。我无法相信我尽然对科研宣誓效忠--研究的定义是控制（变量）然后预测，去研究现象，为了一个明确的目标，去控制并预测。而我现在的使命即控制并预测却给出了这样一个结果：要想与脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止预测于是我崩溃了--（笑声）--其实更像是这样。（笑声）它确实是。我称它为崩溃，我的心理医生称它为灵魂的觉醒。灵魂的觉醒当然比精神崩溃要好听很多，但我跟你说那的确是精神崩溃。然后我不得不暂且把数据放一边，去求助心理医生。让我告诉你：你知道你是谁当你打电话跟你朋友说：“我觉得我需要跟人谈谈。你有什么好的建议吗？“因为我大约有五个朋友这么回答：”喔。我可不想当你的心理医生。“（笑声）我说：”这是什么意思？“他们说：”我只是想说，别带上你的标尺来见我。“我说：”行。“

I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.(Laughter)A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.”(Laughter)I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I just need some strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank you.So she goes like this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”

就这样我找到了一个心理医生。我跟她，戴安娜，的第一次见面--我带去了一份表单上面都是那些全身心投入生活的人的生活方式，然后我坐下了。她说：”你好吗？“我说：”我很好。还不赖。“她说：”发生了什么事？“这是一个治疗心理医生的心理医生，我们不得不去看这些心理医生，因为他们的废话测量仪很准（知道你什么时候在说真心话）。（笑声）所以我说：“事情是这样的。我很纠结。”她说：“你纠结什么？”我说：”嗯，我跟脆弱过不去。而且我知道脆弱是耻辱和恐惧的根源是我们为自我价值而挣扎的根源，但它同时又是欢乐，创造性，归属感，爱的源泉。所以我觉得我有问题，我需要帮助。“我补充道：”但是，这跟家庭无关，跟童年无关。“（笑声）“我只需要一些策略。”（笑声）（掌声）谢谢。戴安娜的反应是这样的。（笑声）我接着说：“这很糟糕，对么？”她说：“这不算好，也不算坏。”（笑声）“它本身就是这样。”我说：“哦，我的天，要悲剧了。”

(Laughter)（笑声）

And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.（悲剧）果然发生了，但又没有发生。大概有一年的时间。你知道的，有些人当他们发现脆弱和温柔很重要的时候，他们放下所有戒备，欣然接受。（我要声明）一，这不是我，二，我朋友里面也没有这样的人。（笑声）对我来说，那是长达一年的斗争。是场激烈的混战。脆弱打我一拳，我又还击它一拳。最后我输了，但我或许赢回了我的生活。

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people.This is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了几年时间真正试图去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他们做了怎样的决定，他们是如何应对脆弱的。为什么我们为之痛苦挣扎？我是独自在跟脆弱斗争吗？不是。这是我学到的：我们麻痹脆弱--（例如）当我们等待（医生）电话的时候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上发布了一条状态，“你怎样定义脆弱？什么会让你感到脆弱？“在1个半小时内，我收到了150条回复。因为我想知道大家都是怎么想的。（回复中有）不得不请求丈夫帮忙，因为我病了，而且我们刚结婚；跟丈夫提出要做爱；跟妻子提出要做爱；被拒绝；约某人出来；等待医生的答复；被裁员；裁掉别人--这就是我们生活的世界。我们活在一个脆弱的世界里。我们应对的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。

And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.我觉得这不是没有依据--这也不是依据存在的唯一理由，我认为我们当代问题的一大部分都可以归咎于它--在美国历史上，我们是欠债最多，肥胖，毒瘾、用药最为严重的一代。问题是--我从研究中认识到--你无法选择性地麻痹感情。你不能说，这些是不好的。这是脆弱，这是悲哀，这是耻辱，这是恐惧，这是失望，我不想要这些情感。我要去喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。（笑声）我不想要这些情感。我知道台下传来的是会意的笑声。别忘了，我是靠“入侵”你们的生活过日子的。天哪。（笑声）你无法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你无法有选择性地去麻痹。当我们麻痹那些（消极的情感），我们也麻痹了欢乐，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我们会变得痛不欲生，我们继而寻找生命的意义，然后我们感到脆弱，然后我们喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。危险的循环就这样这形成了。

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”

我们需要思考的一件事是我们是为什么，怎么样麻痹自己的。这不一定是指吸毒。我们麻痹自己的另一个方式是把不确定的事变得确定。宗教已经从一种信仰、一种对不可知的相信变成了确定。我是对的，你是错的。闭嘴。就是这样。只要是确定的就是好的。我们越是害怕，我们就越脆弱，然后我们变得愈加害怕。这件就是当今政治的现状。探讨已经不复存在。对话已经荡然无存。有的仅仅是指责。你知道研究领域是如何描述指责的吗？一种发泄痛苦与不快的方式。我们追求完美。如果有人想这样塑造他的生活，那个人就是我，但这行不通。因为我们做的只是把屁股上的赘肉挪到我们的脸上。（笑声）这真是，我希望一百年以后，当人们回过头来会不禁感叹：”哇！“

(Laughter)（笑声）And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.” That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.”

我们想要，这是最危险的，我们的孩子变得完美。让我告诉你我们是如何看待孩子的。从他们出生的那刻起，他们就注定要挣扎。当你把这些完美的宝宝抱在怀里的时候，我们的任务不是说：”看看她，她完美的无可挑剔。“而是确保她保持完美--保证她五年级的时候可以进网球队，七年级的时候稳进耶鲁。那不是我们的任务。我们的任务是注视着她，对她说，“你知道吗？你并不完美，你注定要奋斗，但你值得被爱，值得享有归属感。”这才是我们的职责。给我看用这种方式培养出来的一代孩子，我保证我们今天有的问题会得到解决。我们假装我们的行为不会影响他人。不仅在我们个人生活中我们这么做，在工作中也一样--无论是紧急救助，石油泄漏，还是产品召回--我们假装我们做的事对他人不会造成什么大影响。我想对这些公司说：嘿，这不是我们第一次牛仔竞技。我们只要你坦诚地，真心地说一句：“对不起，我们会处理这个问题。“ But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, ”Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?“ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ”I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.“ And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, ”I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.但还有一种方法，我把它留给你们。这是我的心得：卸下我们的面具，让我们被看见，深入地被看见，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去爱，尽管没有任何担保--这是最困难的，我也可以告诉你，作为一名家长，这个非常非常困难--带着一颗感恩的心，保持快乐哪怕是在最恐惧的时候哪怕我们怀疑：”我能不能爱得这么深？我能不能如此热情地相信这份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？“在消极的时候能打住，而不是一味地幻想事情会如何变得更糟，对自己说：”我已经很感恩了，因为能感受到这种脆弱，这意味着我还活着。“最后，还有最重要的一点，那就是相信我们已经做得够好了。因为我相信当我们在一个让人觉得“我已经足够了”的环境中打拼的时候我们会停止抱怨，开始倾听，我们会对周围的人会更友善，更温和，对自己也会更友善，更温和。

That's all I have.Thank you.这就是我演讲的全部内容。谢谢大家。

第二篇：脆弱的力量演讲稿（本站推荐）

脆弱的力量演讲稿

今天我要讲一份研究，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我的生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。

我是个社会学的学士、硕士和博士，我被人所包围，大家都认同:“生活是一团乱麻，接受它。”而我的观点倾向于:“生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入便当盒里。”我对乱成一团、难以处理的问题感兴趣，我想要把它们弄清楚，我想要理解它们，我想侵入那些我认为重要的东西，把它们摸透，然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。所以我的起点是“关系”。

当你从事了10年的社会工作，你必然会发现，关系是我们活着的原因。它赋予了我们生命的意义。无论你跟谁交流，我们发现，关系是一种感应的能力——生物神经上，我们是这么被设定的。所以我从关系开始。

下面这个场景我们再熟悉不过了，你的上司给你做工作评估，她告诉了你37点你做得相当棒的地方，还有一点——成长的空间？然后你满脑子都想着那一点成长的空间，不是吗？当你跟人们谈论爱情，他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事；当你跟人们谈论归属感，他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心的被排斥的经历；当你和他们谈论关系，他们跟你讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。终于，在开始研究六周以后，我遇到了这个闻所未闻的东西，它揭示了关系——以一种我不理解也从没见过的方

式。所以我停止了研究，对自己说，我得弄清楚这到底是什么。它最终被鉴定为耻辱感。

耻辱感很容易理解，即害怕被断绝关系。有没有一些关于我的事，如果别人知道了或看到了，会认为我不值得交往。我想告诉你们的是：没有体验过耻辱的人，不具有人类的同情或关系。没人想谈论自己的糗事，你谈论得越少，表明你越感到可耻。滋生耻辱感的，是一种“我不够好”的心态。我们都知道这是个什么滋味：我不够苗条、不够有钱、不够漂亮、不够聪明、职位不够高。而支撑这种心态的，是一种刻骨铭心的脆 弱。关键在于，要想产生关系，我们必须让自己被看见，真真切切地被看见。你知道我怎么看待脆弱，我恨它。所以这次我思考着，这次该是我用我的标尺击溃它的时候了。我要闯进去，我要花一年的时间，彻底瓦解耻辱。我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么运作的，然后我要智取胜过它。所以我准备好了，我要胜过它——但事与愿违。在这里我要告诉你，这也许是我十年的研究中学到的最重要的东西。我粗略地把我采访过的人分成——具有自我价值感的人，说到底就是，他们勇于去爱并且拥有强烈的归属感；另一部分则是为之苦苦挣扎的人，总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。区分二者之间的变量只有一个，就是前者相信他们值得被爱，值得享有归属感，他们相信自己的价值，就是这么简单。

而对于我，那个阻碍人与人之间关系的最困难的部分，是我们对于自己不值得享有这种关系的恐惧，无论是从个人还是职业上，我都觉得我有必要去深入地了解它。于是我找出所有前一种人的采访记录，想知道

这群人有什么共同之处。第一个蹦出我脑子的，是全心全意这个词。这是一群全心全意、靠着一种强烈的自我价值感在生活的人们。这群人的共同之处是，首先他们有勇气。我想在这里先花一分钟跟大家区分一下勇气和胆量。勇气，最初的定义是真心地叙述一个故事，告诉大家你是谁。所以这些人，就具有勇气，承认自己不完美。第二，他们具有同情心，先是对自己的，再是对他人的。因为事实是，我们如果不能善待自己，我们也无法善待他人。然后，他们都能和他人建立关系。这是很难做到的，前提是他们必须坦诚，他们愿意放开自己设定的那个理想的自我，以换取真正的自我。这是赢得关系的必要条件。他们还有另外一个共同之处，就是他们全然接受脆弱。他们相信，让他们变得脆弱的东西，也让他们变得美丽。他们不认为脆弱是寻求舒适，也不认为脆弱是钻心的疼痛——他们只是简单地认为脆弱是必须的。他们会谈到愿意说出“我爱你”；愿意做一些没有担保抵押的事情；愿意在做完乳房X光检查后安心等待医生的电话；他们愿意为情感投资，无论有没有结果——他们觉得这些都是最根本的。有些人，他们发现脆弱和温柔很重要的时候，他们放下所有戒备，欣然接受。有一年的时间，脆弱打我一拳我还它一拳，最后我输了，但我或许赢回了我的生活。我又回到我的研究中，真正试图去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他们做了怎样的决定，他们是怎样应对脆弱的。为什么我们为之痛苦挣扎？我是独自在与脆弱做斗争吗？不是。

我们生活在一个脆弱的世界里，我们应对的方式之一，就是麻痹脆弱。但是你无法选择性地麻痹感情。你不能说，这是不好的——这是脆弱、悲哀、耻辱、恐惧、失望，我不想要这些情感，我要去喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。你无法只麻痹那些不好的情感，而不麻痹所有的感官、所有的情感。当我们麻痹那些消极的情感，我们也麻痹了欢乐、感恩、幸福。然后我们会变得痛不欲生，我们继而寻找生命的意义，然后我们感到脆弱，然后我们喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。危险的循环就这样形成了。

我们麻痹自己的另一个方式是，把不确定的事变得确定。只要确定的就是好的。我们越是害怕，就越脆弱，然后我们变得更加害怕。这就是当今政治的现状。探讨和对话荡然无存，有的只是指责，指责是一种发泄痛苦与不快的方式。我们追求完美，但这行不通。我们想要我们的孩子变得完美——这是最危险的。让我告诉你我们是如何看待孩子的。从他们出生的那刻起，他们就注定要挣扎，我们的任务是告诉他：“你知道吗？你并不完美，你注定要奋斗，但你值得被爱，值得享有归属感。”给我看用这种方式培养出来的一代孩子，我保证我们今天所有的问题会得到解决。

我们假装我们的行为不会影响他人，我们在工作和生活中都这样做，无论是原油泄漏还是产品召回，我们假装我们的行为对他人不会造成什么大影响。我想对这些公司说，这不是第一次牛仔竞技，我们只要你坦诚地、真心地说一句：对不起，我们会处理这个问题。

还有一个方法我要告诉你们，这是我的心得：卸下我们的面具，让我们被看见。深入地被看见，即便是脆弱的一面；全心全意地去爱，尽

管没有任何担保。哪怕是在最恐惧的时候，哪怕我们怀疑：“我能不能爱得这么深？我能不能如此热情地相信这份感情？我能不能如此矢志不渝？”；带着感恩的心，保持快乐。消极的时候打住，而不是一味地幻想事情会如何变得更糟，对自己说：“我已经很感恩了，因为能感受到这种脆弱，这意味着我还活着。”最后，还有最重要的一点，那就是相信我们已经做得够好了。因为我相信当我们在一个让人觉得“我已经够好了”的环境中打拼的时候，我们会停止抱怨、开始倾听，我们会对周围的人更友善、更温和，对自己也会更友善、更温和。

第三篇：ted演讲稿脆弱的力量

ted演讲稿脆弱的力量

欢迎来到聘才网，以下是聘才小编为大家搜索整理的，欢迎大家阅读。ted演讲稿脆弱的力量

那我就这么开始吧：几年前，一个为我讲演活动的策划人打电话给我，她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你”。我心想，这有什么苦恼呢?

她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者。可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员是很无趣而且脱离现实。”这说的很对。然后她说：“但是我非常喜欢你的演讲，你的讲演就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当”。而那个做学术的、感到不安的我脱口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。”我心想：“为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?”我说：“让我考虑一下。”

我试着鼓起勇气。我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。我收集故事，这就是我的工作。或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。或许我就是一个讲故事的人。于是我说：“听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。”她大笑着说：”哈哈，没这么个说法呀。“

所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的：我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究工作，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。我的故事从这里开始：当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年,一位研究教授对我们说：“事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。”我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。我说：“真的么?”他说：“这是理所当然的。”

你知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我当时在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。而我的观点则倾向于，生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入有条理的盒子里。

我当时认为我领悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去创一番事业。社会工作的一个重要特征是工作的环境是一团遭的不适环境。我当时想我就是要把这不适环境翻个底朝天，每科都拿到A。这就是我当时的信条。我当时真的是跃跃欲试。我想这就是我的职业生涯，因为我对乱成一团，难以处理的课题很感兴趣。我想要把它们弄清楚，我想要理解它们，我想进入那些我知道是重要的东西，把它们摸个透，然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。

当时我的起点是“人与人之间的连接关系”。这是因为当你从事了10年的社会工作，你必然会发现这种连接关系就是我们活着的原因。它赋予了我们生命的意义，就是这么简单。无论你跟谁交流，工作在社会执法领域的也好，负责精神健康、虐待和疏于看管领域的也好，我们所知道的是，这种连接关系是一种感应的能力，生物神经上的，我们就是这么被设定的，这就是为什么我们在这里。

所以我就从连接关系开始。下面这个场景我们是再熟悉不过了，你的上司给你作工作评估，她告诉了你在37件事上你做得相当棒，但还有一点，有可以进一步提高的空间?然后你满脑子都想着那一点提高的空间，不是么?这也是我当时研究的课题，因为当你跟人们谈论爱情时，他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事;当你跟人们谈论归属感时，他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心地被排斥的经历;当你跟人们谈论人与人的连接关系时，他们跟我讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。

所以很快，在大约开始研究这个课题6周以后，我遇到了一个前所未闻的东西，它以一种我不理解也从没见过的方式，揭示了人与人之间的连接关系。所以我暂停了原先的研究计划，我对自己说，我得弄清楚这东西到底是什么。它最终被鉴定为耻辱感。

耻辱感这个词很容易理解，即害怕被断绝关系。如果一些关于自己的事被别人知道了或看到了，别人会认为自己是不值得交往的人?我要告诉你们的是：这种现象很普遍;我们都会有这种想法。没有体验过耻辱的人是不会对人产生对爱的向往或希望建立关系。没人想谈论自己的糗事，你谈论的越少，你越感到可耻。滋生耻辱感的是一种“我不够好”的心态，我们都知道这是个什么滋味：“我不够什么：我不够苗条，不够有钱，不够漂亮，不够聪明，职位不够高。” 而支撑这种心态的是一种刻骨铭心的脆弱，而克服这一脆弱感的关键在于要有人与人之间的连系，我们必须让自己被看见，真真切切地被看见。

你知道我怎么看待脆弱?我恨它。所以我思考着，这次是轮到我用我的标尺击溃它的时候了。我要闯进去，把它弄清楚，我要花一年的时间，彻底瓦解耻辱，我要搞清楚脆弱是怎么运作的，然后我要智取胜过它。所以我准备好了，非常兴奋。跟你预计的一样，结果事与愿违。你们知道这个(结果)。

我现在能告诉你关于耻辱的很多东西，但那样我就得占用别人的时间了。但我在这儿可以告诉你，归根到底，这也许是我在从事研究的数十年中学到的最重要的东西。我当时预计的一年变成了六年，我搜集到成千上万的故事，成千上百个采访，焦点集中。有时人们发给我定期报道，发给我他们的故事，不计其数的数据，所有这些都发生在这六年的时间。通过这些数据，我大概掌握了它。

我以为我理解了耻辱，它的运作方式。我于是写了一本书，我出版了一个理论，但我总觉得哪里不对劲，这么来说吧，如果我粗略地把我采访过的人分析一下，他们可以分成两种，一种是具有自我价值感的人，说到底就是自我价值感，他们勇于去爱并且拥有强烈的归属感;另一部分则是为之苦苦挣扎的人，总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。

区分那些敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人和那些为之而苦苦挣扎的人的变量只有一个。那就是，那些敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人相信他们值得被爱，值得享有归属感。就这么简单。他们相信自己的价值。而对于我来说，最困难的一点是有一种东西使得人们对这种关系感到恐惧，他们认为他们不值得有这种爱和归宿感的关系，无论从个人，还是职业上我都觉得我有必要去更深入地了解这个秘诀。所以接下来我找出所有的采访记录，找出那些体现自我价值的，那些持有这种观念的记录，集中研究它们。第一群人有什么共同之处?我对办公用品有点痴迷，但这是另一个话题了。我拿起一个牛皮纸文件夹，还有一个三福记号笔，我心想，我该怎么给这项研究命名呢?第一个蹦入我脑子的是全心专注这个词。这是一群全心专注、靠着一种强烈的自我价值感在生活的人们。所以我在牛皮纸夹的上端正地写上这个词，而后我开始查看数据。

事实上，我开始用了四天时间集中分析数据，我从头翻出那些采访，找出其中的故事和事件：主题是什么?有什么规律?我丈夫带着孩子离开了小镇，因为我老是陷入像杰克逊.波洛克(美国近代抽象派画家)似的疯狂状态，我一直在写，完全沉浸在研究的状态中。

下面是我的发现：这些人的共同之处在于有勇气。我想在这里先花片刻跟大家区分一下勇气和胆量。勇气，最初的定义，当它刚出现在英文里的时候，词源来自从拉丁文的cor，意思为心，是由此演变过来的，其最初的定义是真心地叙述一个故事，告诉大家你是谁的。

所以这些人就具有勇气承认自己不完美。他们具有爱心，先是对自己的，再是对他人的。因为，事实就是这样：我们如果不能善待自己，我们也无法善待他人。最后一点，他们都能和他人建立关系，这是很难做到的，前提是他们必须坦诚，他们愿意放弃自己设定的那个理想的自我以换取真正的自我，这是赢得关系的必要条件。他们还有另外一个共同之处：他们欣然接受脆弱。他们相信，让他们变得脆弱的东西也会让他们变得美丽。他们不认为脆弱是一种容易的事，但也不认为脆弱是一种钻心的疼痛，这应验了我之前在关于耻辱的采访中听到的。他们只是简单地认为脆弱是必须的。在采访中他们谈到，他们愿意先说出“我爱你”;愿意做那些具有风险性的事情;在做完乳房X光检查之后，他们有勇气等待医生的电话结果;无论有没有结果，他们愿意为关系情感投资。他们觉得这些都是最根本的。

我当时认为那是自欺欺人。我无法相信我尽然对科研的方式曾宣誓效忠，研究的定义是控制(变量)然后预测，去研究现象，为了一个明确的目标，进行控制并预测。而我当时这一通过控制与预测方式进行的科研任务，却出现了这样一个结果：要想与脆弱共存就得停止控制，停止预测，于是我崩溃了。

我称它为崩溃，我的心理医生称它为灵魂的觉醒。灵魂的觉醒当然比精神崩溃要好听得多，但我跟你说那的确是一种精神崩溃。然后我不得不暂且把数据放一边，去求助心理医生。让我告诉你：你很清楚知道你自己是谁，当你打电话跟你朋友说：“我觉得我需要跟人好好谈谈。你有什么好的建议吗?”

我大约有五个朋友这么回答：“喔!我可不想当你的心理医生。”我说：“你是什么意思?”他们说：“我只是想说，别带上你的标尺鞭子来见我。”我说：“行。”就这样我找到了一个心理医生，她叫黛安娜。我跟她的第一次见面时，我带去了一份表单，这些人都是那些全身心投入生活的生活方式，见到黛安娜，我坐下了。她说：“你好吗?”我说：“我很好。还不赖。”她说：“发生了什么事?” 这是一个治疗心理医生的心理医生，我们不得不去看这些心理医生，因为他们的废话测量仪很准(知道你什么时候在说真心话)。我说：“事情是这样的。我很纠结。”她说：“你纠结什么?”我说：“嗯，我跟脆弱过不去。事实上，我知道脆弱是耻辱和恐惧的根源，是我们为自我价值而挣扎的根源。但它同时又是欢乐、创造性、归属感、爱的源泉。所以我觉得我有困惑，我需要帮助指导。”我补充道：“但是，这跟家庭无关，没有童年那些乱七八糟的事”。“我只是需要一些策略”，我接着说。戴安娜的反应是这样的，(她学着医生那样，慢慢地点着头)。我接着说：“这很糟糕，对么?”她说：“这不算好，但也不算坏”。“事情本身就是这样”，她接着说。我说：“哦!我的天，事情全要更为混乱了!”

纠缠不清的事果然发生了，但又没有发生。大概有一年的时间。你知道的，有些人当他们发现脆弱和温柔很是重要的时候，他们放下所有戒备，欣然接受。我要声明，一，这不是我，二，我朋友里面也没有这样的人。对我来说，那是长达一年的斗争。是场激烈的混战，脆弱打我一拳，我又还击它一拳。最后我输了，但我或许赢回了我的生活。

然后我再度投入到了我的研究中，又花了几年时间真正试图去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，他们做了怎样的决定?他们是如何应对脆弱的?为什么我们为之痛苦挣扎?我是独自在跟脆弱斗争吗?不是。这是我学到的：我们对脆弱开始麻痹了，(例如)当我们等待(医生)电话的时候。好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上发布了一条信息：“你怎样定义脆弱?什么会让你感到脆弱?”在一个半小时内，我收到了150条回复。因为我想知道大家都是怎么想的。

当时我不得不请求丈夫帮忙，因为我病了，而且我们刚结婚。跟丈夫提出要做爱;跟妻子提出要做爱;被拒绝;约某人出来;等待医生的答复;被裁员;裁掉别人，这就是我们生活的世界。我们活在一个脆弱的世界里。

我们应对的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。我觉得这不是没有依据，这也不是依据存在的唯一理由。我认为我们当代问题的一大部分都可以归咎于它。在美国历史上，我们是欠债最多、肥胖、毒瘾、用药最为严重的一代。问题是，我从研究中认识到，你无法选择性地麻痹感情。你不能说，这些是不好的。这是脆弱，这是悲哀，这是耻辱，这是恐惧，这是失望，我不想要这些情感。我要去喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。我不想要这些情感。我知道台下传来的是会意的笑声。别忘了，我是靠“入侵”你们的生活过日子的。天哪，我的上帝.你无法只麻痹那些痛苦的情感而不麻痹所有的感官，所有的情感。你无法有选择性地去麻痹。当我们麻痹那些(消极的情感)，我们也麻痹了欢乐，麻痹了感恩，麻痹了幸福。然后我们会变得痛不欲生，我们继而寻找生命的意义，然后我们感到脆弱，然后我们喝几瓶啤酒，吃个香蕉坚果松饼。危险的循环就这样这形成了。我们需要思考的一件事是我们是为什么、怎么样麻痹自己的?这不一定是指吸毒。我们麻痹自己的另一个方式是把不确定的事变得确定。宗教已经从一种信仰、一种对不可知的相信变成了确定。我是对的，你是错的。闭嘴。就是这样。只要是确定的就是好的。我们越是害怕，我们就越脆弱，然后我们变得愈加害怕，这件就是当今政治的现状。探讨已经不复存在。对话已经荡然无存。有的仅仅是指责。你知道研究领域是如何描述指责的吗?一种发泄痛苦与不快的方式。

我们追求完美。如果有人想这样塑造他的生活，那个人就是我，但这行不通。因为我们做的只是把屁股上的赘肉挪到我们的脸上。这真是，我希望一百年以后，当人们回过头来会不禁感叹：“哇!”这是最危险的，我们想要我们的孩子变得完美。让我告诉你我们是如何看待孩子的。从他们出生的那刻起，他们就注定要挣扎。当你把这些完美的宝宝抱在怀里的时候，我们的任务不是说：“看看她，她完美的无可挑剔”。而是确保她保持完美：保证她五年级的时候可以进网球队，七年级的时候稳进耶鲁。那不是我们的任务!我们的任务是注视着她，对她说，“你知道吗?你并不完美，你注定要奋斗，但你值得被爱，值得享有归属感”，这才是我们的职责。让我看来，用这种方式培养出来的一代孩子，我保证我们今天所有的问题会得到解决。

我们假装我们的行为不会影响他人。不仅在我们个人生活中我们这么做，在公司中也一样：无论是提供紧急资助避免公司倒闭，石油泄漏事故，还是有疵产品的召回。我们假装我们做的事对他人不会造成什么大影响。我想对这些公司说：嘿，这不是我们第一次牛仔式的野蛮竞技。我们只要你坦诚地，真心地说一句：“对不起，我们会很好处理这个问题”。

但还有一种方法，我把它留给你们。这是我的心得：卸下我们的面具，让我们被看见，深入地被看见，即便是脆弱的一面;不管有多大的风险，全心全意地去爱，这是最困难的。

我也可以告诉你，我作为一名孩子的父母，这个非常非常困难的：带着一颗感恩的心，保持快乐，哪怕是在最恐惧的时候，哪怕我们怀疑：“我能不能爱得这么深?我能不能如此热情地相信这份感情?我能不能如此矢志不渝?”在消极的时候能够扛得住，而不是一味地幻想事情会如何变得更糟。对自己说：“我已经很感恩了，因为能感受到这种脆弱，这意味着我还活着。”

最后，还有最重要的一点，那就是相信我们已经做得够好了。因为我相信当我们在一个让人觉得“我已经足够了”的环境中打拼的时候，我们会停止抱怨，开始倾听，我们会对周围的人会更友善，更温和，对自己也会更友善，更温和。

这就是我演讲的全部内容。谢谢大家。

第四篇：Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量

Brene Brown： The power of vulnerability So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said, “I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier.” And I thought, “Well, what's the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant.”(Laughter)And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You're going to call me a what?” And she said, “I'm going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”(Laughter)I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.I'm a qualitative researcher.I collect stories;that's what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.And so I said, “You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Haha.There's no such thing.”(Laughter)So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today--we're talking about expanding perception--and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D.in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “life's messy, love it.” And I'm more of the, “life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.”(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me--really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.That was my mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what it's all about.It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is--neurobiologically that's how we're wired--it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and

one

thing

--

an

“opportunity

for growth?”(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly--really about six weeks into this research--I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal;we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underpinned this shame, this “I'm not good enough,”--which we all know that feeling: “I'm not blank enough.I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing

that

underpinned

this was

excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability.I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to--and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories--thousands of pieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay--and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness--that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness--they have a strong sense of love and belonging--and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.That's it.They believe they're worthy.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.What they had in common was a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language--it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart--and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection, and--this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating--as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job--you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown--(Laughter)--which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.I call it a breakdown;my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo.I wouldn't want to be your therapist.”(Laughter)I was like, “What does that mean?” And they're like, “I'm just saying, you know.Don't bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.My first meeting with her, Diana--I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I'm great.I'm okay.” She said, “What's going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S.meters are good.(Laughter)And so I said, “Here's the thing, I'm struggling.” And she said, “What's the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.”(Laughter)“I

just you.So

need she

goes

some like strategies.”(Laughter)(Applause)Thank this.(Laughter)And then I said, “It's bad, right?” And she said, “It's neither good nor bad.”(Laughter)“It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.And it took about a year.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.(Laughter)For me, it was a yearlong street fight.It was a slugfest.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were

making, and

what

are

we

doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned.We numb vulnerability--when we're waiting for the call.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.Because I wanted to know what's out there.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;initiating sex with my husband;initiating sex with my wife;being turned down;asking someone out;waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off;laying off people--this is the world we live in.We live in a vulnerable world.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence--and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause--we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S.history.The problem is--and I learned this from the research--that you cannot selectively numb emotion.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.Here's vulnerability, here's

grief，here's

shame, here's

fear，here's disappointment.I don't want to feel these.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.(Laughter)I don't want to feel these.And I know that's knowing laughter.I hack into your lives for a living.God.(Laughter)You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.You cannot selectively numb.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.I'm right, you're wrong.Shut up.That's it.Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.This is what politics looks like today.There's no discourse anymore.There's no conversation.There's just blame.You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.We perfect.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.(Laughter)Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she's perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect--make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.”That's not our job.Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That's our job.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate--whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall--we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We're sorry.We'll fix it.” But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee--and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult--to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I'm enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have.Thank you.(Applause)

第五篇：反脆弱读后感

反脆弱》读书笔记

许维04月07日 21:58 分享到：

反脆弱 塔勒布 许维

分类 : 文化

摘要 : 世界本质上是不确定的，确定性只存在于人类的思维当中，人类对确定性的追求来自于对不确定的恐惧；当我们希望用确定性思维去改变不确定的世界、希望世界按照我们的意思运转的时候，我们往往会获得和初衷相反的结果

文/明道副总裁 许维

今天要写的这个话题比较形而上，读起来可能有一些枯燥，大家要做好心理准备。最近一直在读《反脆弱》，这是一本让我不仅感慨“怎么只有370页呢？怎么就没有了呢？要是有1370页多好呀！”的书。

趁着清明小长假有时间，把我读这本书时领悟到的一些东西写下来，勾引大家都去读一读这本书。我想在这篇文章里和大家聊聊：“在一个不确定的世界里，我们该如何行动？”

确定性是一种什么东西？

《反脆弱》作者塔勒布的好朋友丹尼尔·卡尼曼写过一本同样很棒的书《思考，快与慢》，他在书中提出了快思维和慢思维两种思维模式。通俗的说，快思维更偏动物性一些，它更像条件反射，比如说一个球向你飞过来你会很自然的躲避，看到一个美女你会很自然的多看两眼，有人骂你你会马上感到愤怒，这种“刺激-反应”是在你来不及思考的情况下就做出的。毫无疑问，快思维系统对我们的生存非常有效，如果一支箭射过来，然后你说我拿出计算器计算一下它的弹道轨迹吧，然后我再根据结果做出躲避的决策，那你早就没命了。

慢思维则是人类特有的思维方式，它在你处理逻辑问题的时候会派上用场。比如说小朋友问你：“有一个水池，开进水管1个小时可以注满水，开出水管2个小时可以把水放光，同时打开进水管和出水管，几个小时可以把水池注满水？”你用快思维肯定解决不了，你必须要开启你的慢思维系统。

快思维和慢思维其实只是两种不同的思维方式，没有高低之别，不同的情况下我们启动不同的系统应对不同的情况。但是不知道为什么，在我们的语言当中，“理性”这个词天然的带有褒义色彩，说一个人理性他总归不会觉得你是在骂他。而我们有时候会说“XX这个人做事太感性了”，这好像就不算是夸人吧？

据我估计，理性的褒义化可能要归功于柏拉图。柏拉图老人家把世界分成了“此岸”和“彼岸”。此岸是我们生活的现实世界，它不完美、短暂、不和谐、充满变化，而彼岸则是柏拉图想象出来的“理形的世界”，它完美、永恒、和谐、不变、唯一。彼岸的世界是怎么来的呢？柏拉图认为它就是存在在那里的，他并没有去证明它的存在。要我说，其实彼岸世界是存在于柏拉图的慢思维当中——它是用人类的慢思维抽象出来的一个世界。

怀特海说，“整个西方哲学史就是柏拉图哲学的注脚。”这话其实很有道理，柏拉图以后的哲学家，要么是沿着他的路往前走，要么是反对他。基督教其实可以被看作是柏拉图哲学的一个变体，二者的内核是一致的，只不过一个是用哲学的口吻表述，一个是用宗教的口吻表述。基督教通过“信仰”解决了哲学上无法用“证明”解决的问题：彼岸的世界就是存在的，你信它存在它就存在。

也许正因为柏拉图哲学和基督教神学在西方占据了太久的统治时间，所以“理性”这个词自然而然的就带有了一种褒义的色彩，因为“理性”是到达彼岸世界的唯一道路。

在寻找确定性的途中，我们似乎忘记了当初是为什么而出发了。在很长的时间里，人类不断的思考“怎样发现真理”，却不去思考“为什么要发现真理？”直到尼采大声喊出“上帝死了”，人们才突然开始意识到这个问题的严重性。是啊，我们为什么需要真理呢？有了真理以后，我们用它来干什么呢？没错，我们要用它来给我们提供一种安全感。试想，在一个充满各种不确定性的世界里，你在下一秒可能就被野兽吃掉了，或者被同伴打死了，你是不是很恐慌？所以，你需要一种确定性，用它来给当下的生活以希望。

你希望世界是按照一种线性的逻辑发展的（这其实是人类大脑独有的工作方式）——你希望今天花了2个小时复习功课，明天的考试就能够多得10分（其实二者并没有必然联系）；你希望给女朋友送个钻戒，她就愿意嫁给你；你希望通过增加货币的供给量，刺激经济的增长。

其实，我们之所以用理性去寻找确定性，在我看来是因为我们在感性层害怕不确定性。没有确定性，我们就难以给当下的行为找到一个合理的理由。因此，柏拉图并不是去“证明”确定性的存在，而是想当然的直接跳过这个问题，似乎那是“不证自明”的，然后就开始思考“如何追求真理”的问题了。直到尼采提醒我们，“嘿伙计们，上帝真的存在吗？上帝存在的唯一理由，其实就是你们希望有一个上帝。”

确定性的边界

确定性的捍卫者们最有力的武器就是：“你难道看不见建立在科学大厦上面的现代化世界吗？我们的建筑、汽车、电脑，无不是人类理性的结晶。如果你否定了确定性的存在，那这一切的存在你又如何解释？”

我不否认确定性在数学、物理学、化学这类纯科学领域的存在，但问题在于我们不能把这种思维方式扩展到所有的领域，比如用“科学方法”去预测经济、用“科学方法”去研究人的幸福感、用“科学方法”去发明药品。

即便是在纯科学领域，确定性也是有边界的。数学是一门非常形而上的学科，研究的问题是抽象的，几何当中的直线、圆这些概念在现实世界当中并不存在，它们只存在于人类大脑当中。物理学当中虽然引入了实验作为证明工具，但实验只能近似的证明某个定理的真实性，这个定理本身仍然要加上“在理想状态下”的前提假设。物理学定理和数学一样，其实也是人类逻辑思维推导出来的结果。

通俗一点来说，绝对的确定性只存在于人类的逻辑思维当中，它来自于人类的抽象能力。离开了人类的思维，确定性就无处栖身。

我们还可以从另外一条道路到达同样的目的地。大家有没有思考过，语言是一种什么东西？ 你能准确的告诉我，“人”这个词的定义是什么吗？估计你要去找百度百科了。但是，百度百科说的为什么就是对的呢？

好了，我们先不纠结于对错这个问题，思考另一个问题：即便我们不知道“人”的定义，这妨碍我们使用这个词说话吗？没错，不妨碍。

第三个问题：“人”这个词和一个活生生的人，是一个东西吗？肯定不是。毫无疑问，语言是一套声音和文字组成的符号系统，它的单词数量是有限的，每个词会对应N个现实世界当中的事物（比如说“人”这个词对应了60多亿的生物）或者动作或者属性。语言当中还有一些词是现实当中没有的，比如说“因为„„所以”、“是”、“但是”、“不仅„„还”、“既„„又”，这是逻辑推理必不可少的工具。人类的语言对于同样一个事物，还会有褒义、贬义、中性的不同表达方式，这就把人类的主观价值判断和事物关联起来了。

人类的语言就好比是一套乐高积木，我们可以用乐高积木模拟出来任何现实世界中的东西，但是它只是模型，而且模仿的非常粗糙。没有人会把乐高模型和现实世界划等号，但是我们在使用语言的时候，却很少有人能够意识到这一点。当我们脱口而出“男人都是用下半身思考的动物”这句话时，我们忽略了非常大量的信息：哪个男人？啥叫“用下半身思考”？为什么“都”是？什么时候是？

这其实又回到了快思考、慢思考的问题上了，我们说这句话的时候用的是快思考，我们选择性忽视了语言的精确性，如果不这样我们就无法说话。这样做在大多数情况下是没有问题的，但是我们如果因此而彻底忘记了“语言是世界的一个模型”这件事情，如果我们把语言和世界直接划上一个等号，那就会掩盖世界的本来面貌。

再往前推进一步，既然“定义”、“定理”、“理论”这些东西都是来自于人类语言的表述，那我们又怎么能把它们视为独立于人类理念而客观存在的东西呢？把模型等同于实在，最大的害处是让人误以为自己已经找到了真理，并将其应用在实在上，这就会造成悲剧了。

在《反脆弱》当中，作者举了很多这方面的例子，比如说信奉凯恩斯主义的政府出手干预经济，结果加重了经济危机。比如说现代医学的发达，造成了“医源性损伤”的大幅度增加。比如说苏联式的计划经济，最终造成的是全国经济的大幅度倒退。

怎样面对不确定的世界 如果说世界的本质上是像塔勒布所说的不确定性，那我们岂不是没法生存了？如果我们根本不知道做了这件事情会发生什么，那我们应该怎么做呢？

其实这并没有想象的那么可怕，只要变换一下思维方式就好了。理性主义者往往认为世界的变化遵循线性逻辑，“只要„„就会„„”，所以他们的行为方式是“为了„„只要„„就好了。”

比如说，为了考第一名，只要增加学习的时间就好了（难道忘了第一名只有一个吗？难道忘了你的时间不能无限增加吗？）比如说，为了追到喜欢的女孩子，只要够真心就够了，实在不行求他个101次婚！（难道忘了追她的有好几个男人，最后只有一个能成功吗？）

理性主义者的行动方式其实反而是感性的，他们非常直接，希望通过积极的行为达到目的。但是他们放大了人的力量，他们对于线性逻辑有一种宗教式的迷信（可能因为线性逻辑看起来很科学吧，我敢打赌很少有人会质疑线性逻辑的正确性，基本上都是直接就信了）。当他们这么做的时候，其实面临着非常大的风险——因为根本不存在线性逻辑这回事儿！

也许他们可以找出很多证据来证明，“因为我这么做，所以我成功了”。但这其实是一种“幸存者偏差”，那些同样这么做了但是没有成功的人，根本就没有留下记录，他们被忽视了。幸存者在总结自己成功的原因时，引用的其实是不完整的数据。

也许我们应该换一个方向来做事情。我们可能无法定义“人”的准确概念，但是我们能够非常肯定的说出什么不是“人”。我们可能无法知道怎么做是对的，但是我们总是能够非常肯定的知道怎么做是错的。少犯错误就是增加成功率，难道不是这样吗？我们与其关注一个牛人做了什么，不如去关注他没做什么。乔布斯说：“我对自己未曾做过的事情与对自己做过的事情同样感到自豪，创新就是对1000个理念说不。”

理性主义者还有一个经常会犯的错误，那就是把“低概率”等同于“不可能发生”。比如说，飞机坠毁的概率是几万分之一，但那并不等于它不会发生。核电站爆炸的概率也极低，但那并不意味着我们不需要做任何的防护措施。

单纯的考虑概率是没有意义的，我们必须在考虑概率的时候同时考虑它的收益和损失。因为我们的世界是非线性的，所以风险和收益也并非是线性关系，有些事情的收益很大损失却很小，有些事情正好相反。我们最好绕开那些收益很小损失却很大的事情，他们一旦发生我们就没办法承担损失，哪怕它发生的概率很低。单纯的躲避陷阱不能让我们获益，它只是避免了我们毁灭，所以我们最好采用“杠铃策略”。简单的说，我们要把我们的绝大部分资本投资在那些损失可控的低风险资产上面，从而避免我们会遭受毁灭性的打击，同时我们把一小部分资本投资在收益可能无穷大的高风险资产上面，不让我们错过发财的机会。事实上，德州扑克高手的策略一般也是如此，他们会在很多局当中输一点点，但是会在某一局赢非常多，而普通选手可能会在很多局中赢一点点钱，然后在某一局全部输进去。

杠铃策略看似简单，但是能否运用得当的关键在于对风险的判断。这世界上存在低风险资产，也存在高风险资产，但是并不存在中等风险资产这种东西。把所有资产配置在中等风险上面，并不等于你面对的就是中等风险。

塔勒布还引入了一个“选择权”的概念，我怀疑这是译者找不到更好的词了，这真心不是一个很好的译法，在我看来“选择权”和“试错”应该是一回事。在很多时候，靠推理、分析我们是无法获得正确答案的，所以我们最好的方法就是“拍脑袋”，只不过这个拍脑袋是有余地的拍，拍了以后我们要看它的效果反馈，然后根据反馈结果来决定是坚持还是换个方向再拍一次脑袋。塔勒布管这事儿叫“选择权”，我觉得这就是我们经常说的“快速迭代、小步快跑”，再时髦一点叫“精益创业”啊，本质上和“试错”其实都是一回事儿。

“选择权”或者说“试错”是面对不确定的终极武器。老子说“上善若水”、“顺势而为”，翻译成现代汉语就是我们要根据外在环境不停的调整自己的行为，让自己始终和环境达到一个和谐统一的状态。二者殊途同归。

总结

不知不觉竟然写了5000来字，今天就写到这里吧。简单做一个小小的总结：世界本质上是不确定的，确定性只存在于人类的思维当中，人类对确定性的追求来自于对不确定的恐惧；当我们希望用确定性思维去改变不确定的世界、希望世界按照我们的意思运转的时候，我们往往会获得和初衷相反的结果；所以，我们最好勇敢的面对世界的不确定，承认人类自身的有限性，顺势而为。