第一篇：搞笑版英文话剧 孔雀东南飞
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!译：我才不怕你呢！
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me.all this i donot care.i only want she to be tender than me.but she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god!who can help me?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？ act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(对门内)lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all daylong,cooking and washing.i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son.i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen to me.look at yourself…… l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you.i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and i’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch!lunch!where are mysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下)er!how smelly!they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone!i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry!but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)this is what lunch always wears!i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!now she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet? j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless.lunch is an ice girl,go and take her back!j(立正敬礼):yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:what bad luck!this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and rob the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife!we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go with you.you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience? j:no.but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j:hey you!stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)l(起身去追):wait for me!(跑下)
第二篇：《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧
Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johy(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johy’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’on(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作
被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mheecked,butinfact,I’matrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheiraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheiot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeeorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohy,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedteofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathaened?
L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouiistedon
marryingthatterribleJohy,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’oninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下
第三篇：白雪公主英文搞笑话剧
http://www.xiexiebang.com/programs/view/o12KwEDtlyY/isRenhe=1
白雪公主英文搞笑话剧
The snow white story
角色：公主 皇后 墨镜 旁白 两个矮人 猎人（可一人演两个）
旁白纪力：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The king married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous and cruel.She treated Snow White badly.公主宏:(出场,)唱：【I'm a cute cute girl with a bad bad mom.It's a big big thing if you love me.选自big big world】My horror mother always obliges me, such a beautiful，handsome，humor smart，lovely，delicious princess to do a lot of homework„oh I cannot bear it.So I just make a brilliant decision: running away~ 唱：【go go go oleo le ole选自世界杯主题曲 】(离开)
皇后粘(上场)：I’m the legendary cruel queen , oh，no the legendary beautiful、greedy、bloody queen.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!
魔镜朝全：（跑上来，双手叉腰）Yes, I’m coming.What do you want to know?
皇后粘：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Tell me the truth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?
魔镜朝全：歌：【everytime I try to lie I fail without my heart,I feel so sad,】You are really the fairest of all, I think.{ 皇后，你的确是非常漂亮的女人。}
皇后粘：General啦{一般啦}（举双手）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！I am the most beautiful woman in the world!
魔镜朝全： But,nevertheless,however,whereas, 可是，可是,（边说边退，举手挡住脸）there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后粘：（抓狂样）：She is much more beautiful than me? 歌：【my jealousness is killing me and I，and I must confess，I’m still paining.选在布兰妮的baby baby more time】Who is she? Tell me quickly!
魔镜朝全： She is Snow White.皇后粘：Snow White? No, I’m the most beautiful in the world.„„（沉思）（响指）hunter！come here, come here!
猎人伟新： Here！（敬礼 少息立正）
皇后粘：I heard Snow White had fleeted from my palace.I order you to find her out and kill her.猎人伟新：But she is the princess.Even given money, I would not do such immoral things.{即使给钱，我也不会做这样不道德的事情。}
皇后：（抽出钞票，挥着下台）
猎人伟新：（两眼发直，追随钞票）Oh money！
公主和猎人上场。
猎人伟新：You must be Snow White.公主和猎人追逐半场。公主： In the night which you can’t see your toe if you stretch out your hand.{在一个伸手不见脚趾的夜晚}，（声音提起）He ,he he he{他，他他他}„„He grasped my left hand {他抓住了我的左手}，（猎人抓公主左手）And then,he he he„He also grasped my right hand {然后，他，他他„„他又抓住了我的右手}，（二人转180度，猎人抓公主右手）(公主害羞状)He invited me to dance.猎人伟新：歌：【take me to your heart ,take me to your soul ,give me your hand before I'm old 选自吻别】Although I don’t have the heart to kill you, your mother want me to.(拿刀欲刺状)
公主：（双手合于胸前）My dear hunter, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!我亲爱的猎人，我对你的敬意有如滔滔江水连绵不绝。我上有老，下有小。请别杀我，给我一条活路吧！
猎人伟新：No way.Give me your life.(举刀刺向公主，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语)Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬头)where is the toilet?
公主：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 猎人伟新：WC.公主：W-C-?
猎人伟新：（急）茅厕！Are you happy to hear such rude words? 公主：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.猎人伟新（下场）公主（之后下场）
旁白纪力：Princess continued to begin her life of escaping.{公主又继续开始逃亡的生活} A week later.there was a small girls running panic in the dark forest {在一个伸手不见五指的夜里，漆黑的森林里有一个小女孩惊慌的跑着}。
公主：（上场，跑圈）Help！
旁白纪力：Snow White Looked haggard and worn rags running unceasingly Suddenly, she found a little house.她衣衫褴褛，面色憔悴，不时地回头张望，脚下却不敢停留。忽然间，她发现前面有一座小房子.（公主伸手求救状，推门）
公主：Eat!Bread should!Apple also！wa kao!Leaves also can’t be left out.{吃的！面包也要！苹果也要！我kao，菜叶子也不放过！}
旁白天骄:The Snow White was sitting on the chair eating crazily.Half an hour later.{公主坐在椅子上开吃，半小时过去}.公主：（打嗝）
旁白天骄：After eating and drinking,she felt very weary and wanted to have a rest.So she quikly fell asleep.{吃过喝过之后，她觉得非常疲倦，想休息休息，就很快就睡着了„„}
旁白天骄： When it was dark, the owners of the cottage came back.They were two dwarfs.They were digging treasure in the mountain.{不久，房子的主人们回来了，他们是七个在山里小矮人}.（小矮人上）
B：wait，wait，Let’s go into our cottage silently.A：（踢门，看到公主喊）dinosaur!（拉手，蹭入）
B：Dinosaur!beat!{恐龙！打！}
公主：Don’t beat me in my face!Don’t beat me in my face!{别打我脸，别打我脸~~ } B：（拿灯照公主状）
B：Stop{停！}（众人后跳一步，公主起，望众人）
A：Wa!Beaty!{哇，美女} What a lovely child!How beautiful!B：Who are you?
公主：Ladies and gentlemen.I am Snow White.I am 16 years old.Now I am on kindergarten and still not married.先生们，女士们。我叫白雪公主，今年15岁，上幼稚园，还没有结婚。
旁白天骄：Princess told the whole process of the story to the dwarfs.{公主把事情的经过告诉了矮人们}Then the dwarfs began to discuss whether to keep Snow White back.{此时，七个小矮人讨论是否留下白雪公主}
公主：（欲听众人决定，双手放在耳朵处）
B: I think she might stay with us.A：I agree with you，Hey girl, don't be afraid, we will help you and beat the bad queen.公主：You are so kind to me!{你们对我太好了！}
旁白天骄：From then on, Snow White kept the house.On the other hand, the queen didn’t receive the hunter’s information.She was anxious like the ants in her pants, grabbing the wall.皇后等不到猎人的消息，她急得如热锅上的蚂蚁，直挠墙。
皇后上场（很傻地跳舞，挠墙状）
旁白天骄：The wicked queen took out the mirror。
魔镜上场。
皇后：（蹭魔镜）Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?
魔镜：歌：【Every time you look at me ,My heart is jumping, it's easy to see选自布兰妮crazy】You are the fairest of all.But Snow White is still alive and well.But, however, whereas, nevertheless ,（一边摆手，退，逃）She lives with the two dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.{你仍然很漂亮，但是，但是白雪公主比你还漂亮。}
皇后：（抓头）No!Snow White must die.I must finish her in person even if it costs my life.Just keep calm, Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）歌：【格叽格叽格叽格叽格叽格叽„】（皇后站起）Ok,I get one.旁白伟新：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the cottage.皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty things to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.公主：Hi, good day, my good lady.What do you sell?
皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Do you want to have a taste? 公主：Do you have some oranges ?你有橘子吗？
皇后：Do you want some apples?
公主：Do you have some oranges?你有橘子么？
皇后：（大声）My question is that: Do you have any oranges ?Oh, no, Do you want some apples? 公主：哦，apple呀„„Do you have some oranges?
（皇后逼近公主，把苹果塞在公主嘴里）
公主：（正经状）It is poisonous!（闭眼，倒，坐椅子上）
（皇后大笑）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！Now I’m the most beautiful in the world.I have a dream that one day，I can be the most beautiful woman in the world.旁白伟新：Snow White died.When the three dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprise to see Snow White dead.（小矮人上，见公主，围半圆）
A：（揣公主）Hey!Don’t sleep like a pig!Go to work!嘿，猪，别睡了，快干活！（见其无反应，试其鼻息，做白痴状）
B：She died!What’s the matter?
A：（摸之，做惊恐状，看B）Oh, my God!Who did it? It must be the wicked queen.AB：歌：【wherever you go, whatever you do ,I will be right here waiting for you选自此情可待】（唱完，众人掩面而泣，同时用手指弹眼泪给对方）
旁白伟新： Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.She looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.However, one day, it happened a prince came to the two dwarfs’ house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.王子：Please, let me have Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.A： May I have your name, please?(怀有敌意的说)
王子：(从兜里掏出一卷卫生纸递给A)It is my business card.A:（举起来看看，惊讶状！）Prince
A：Ok!Carry Snow White with you to your palace.Be sure to be kind to her.王子：(对着公主作深情状)Sure, I will.I will love you forever, my dear!I love you just like the mouse likes the rice.You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.(Kiss her用手捂住公主的嘴 亲自己的手)
旁白伟新：As soon as the prince kissed Snow White, Snow White came to her life.公主：Oh, my heaven!Where am I? What had happened? 歌【 You drive me crazy ,I just cant sleep ,Im so excited, I'm in too deep】
王子：You are with me, my dear.I love you.I love you more than everything in the world.Please be my wife, will you?
公主：Yes, I will, my dear!
王子：（又是深情状，手唔心脏，转向远方）My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it.Only after losing it.I found myself regretting.No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you!“If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love.I hope it would be ten thousand years.曾经，有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，等到我失去的时候才后悔莫及，人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此，如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对那个女孩子说三个字： “我爱你。”如果非要在这份爱上加上一个期限，我希望是一万年！歌【Near...far...Wherever you are，I believe That the heart does go on 选自我心永恒】
三矮人：Oh!Congratulations!Congratulations!
旁白伟新：The prince took Snow White to the palace.Their wedding was held with great show.The story is ended, thank you!谢幕。
第四篇：白雪公主英文搞笑话剧
白雪公主英文搞笑话剧
第一场
旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The kind married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous and cruel.She treated Snow White badly.在很久很久以前，有一个皇后，她有一个名叫白雪公主的可爱女儿。在这个孩子出生不久，皇后就去世了。国王娶了另外一个皇后，这个后妈很妒忌别人和残忍。她对待白雪公主的态度非常坏。公主:(出场,)唱：【I'm a cute cute girl with a bad bad mom.It's a big big thing if you love me.选自big big world】My horror mother always obliges me, such a beautiful，handsome，humor，smart，lovely，kind princess to do a lot of homework…oh I cannot bear it.So I just make a brilliant decision: running away(离开)我恐怖的后妈总是逼我这样一个美丽，帅气，幽默，聪明，可爱，善良的公主去做很多的作业……噢，我不能忍受了。所以，我就做了一个很明智的选择：离开这里。皇后(上场)：I’m the legendary cruel queen , oh，no，it’sthe legendary beautiful、greedy、bloody queen.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!我就是传授中残忍的皇后，噢，不，是传说中美丽，贪婪、嗜血的皇后。如果有人比我更美丽，我就会杀了她。我有一个魔镜，如果我想知道一些东邪，它一定会告诉我。现在，魔镜，魔镜，来这里！
魔镜：（跑上来，双手叉腰）Yes, I’m coming.What do you want to know?是的，我来了，你想知道些什么？ 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Tell me the truth, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?咒语，告诉我真相，谁是世界上最美丽的女人？
魔镜： You are really the fairest of all, I think.皇后，我想你的确是非常漂亮的女人。
皇后：General（举双手）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！I am the most beautiful woman in the world!一般啦，哈哈哈哈哈哈，我是世界上最美丽的女人！
魔镜： But,nevertheless,however,whereas,（边说边退，举手挡住脸）there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.可是，可是,，可是，有一个年轻的女士，她就是白雪公主，红得如玫瑰，黑得如乌木。她比你美丽更多倍！皇后：（抓狂样）：She is much more beautiful than me? Who is she? Tell me quickly!她比我更美丽得多？她是谁？快点告诉我
魔镜：I say again.She is Snow White.我再说一次，她是白雪公主。
皇后：Snow White? No, I’m the most beautiful in the world.……（沉思）（响指）hunter！come here, come here!白雪公主？不，我是世界上最美丽的人……猎人，来这里，来这里！
猎人： Here！（敬礼 少息立正）我在这里！
皇后：I heard Snow White haddisappearance from my palace.I order you to find her out and kill her.我听说白雪公主从我的地盘消失了，我命令你去把她找出来，然后杀掉她。
猎人：But she is the princess.Even given money, I would not do such immoral things.但是她是公主，即使给钱，我也不会做这样不道德的事情。
皇后：（抽出钞票，挥着下台）
猎人：（两眼发直，追随钞票）Oh money！噢，钱啊！公主和猎人上场。第二场
猎人：You must be Snow White.你一定是白雪公主！
公主和猎人追逐半场。Although I don’t have the heart to kill you,but，your mother want me to.(拿刀欲刺状)虽然我没有要杀你的心，但是你妈妈想我这样做。
公主：（双手合于胸前）My dear hunter, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless.I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down.Please don’t kill me.Give me the life, please!我亲爱的猎人，我对你的敬意有如滔滔江水连绵不绝。我上有老，下有小。请别杀我，给我一条活路吧！猎人：No way.Give me your life.(举刀刺向公主，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语)Maybe I ate too much this morning，Maybe there is something wrong with the rice.(抬头)where is the toilet?不行，把你的生命给我。或许我今天早上吃太多了，或许米饭有点问题。哪里有厕所？ 公主：T-o-i-l-e-t-? 猎人：WC.厕所。
公主：W-C-? 猎人：（急）WC！Are you happy to hear such rude words?厕所啊！你很开心听到这样粗如的单词吗？ 公主：I know, I know.Turn left, left and left.我知道，我知道，转左，转左，再转左 第三场
旁白：Princess continued to begin her life of escaping.A week later.In the night which you can’t see your five fingers if you stretch out your hand, there was a small girls running panic in the dark forest公主又继续开始逃亡的生活。在一个伸手不见五指的夜里，漆黑的森林里有一个小女孩惊慌的跑着。公主：（上场，跑圈）Help！救命！
旁白：Snow White Looked haggard and weared rags running unceasingly Suddenly,she found a little house.她衣衫褴褛，面色憔悴，不时地回头张望，脚下却不敢停留。忽然间，她发现前面有一座小房子.（公主伸手求救状，推门）
公主：Eat!Bread should!Apple also！wa kao!Leaves also can’t be left out.吃的！面包也要！苹果也要！我kao，菜叶子也不放过！旁白:The Snow White was sitting on the chair eating crazily.Half an hour later.公主坐在椅子上开吃，半小时过去。公主：（打嗝）
旁白：After eating and drinking,she felt very weary and wanted to have a rest.So she quikly fell asleep.吃过喝过之后，她觉得非常疲倦，想休息休息，就很快就睡着了……
旁白： When it was dark, the owners of the cottage came back.They were seven dwarfs.They were digging treasure in the mountain.不久，房子的主人们回来了，他们是七个在山里小矮人.（小矮人上）
：Turn left（众人随便转）Number off（众人胡报）向左~转！报数！: oh my god……
：I’m the Happy.I’m the happiest person in the world.我是快乐的。我是世界上最幸福的人。：I’m the Sneezy.If I sneeze, the earth will shake.我是打喷嚏。如果我打喷嚏，地球会动摇。：Look, the lamp in our house is on!看，我们房子里有灯亮着！：Who is in it?谁在里面？ ：Perhaps it’s the ghost!或许是鬼！
：Let’s go into our cottage silently.让我们一起静静地进去。：（踢门，看到公主喊）Dinosaur!（拉手，蹭入）恐龙！
：Dinosaur!beat!恐龙！打！
公主：Don’t beat me in my face!Don’t beat me in my face!别打我脸，别打我脸~~ ：（拿灯照公主状）
旁白： When dwarfs was holding the candle and let the light fall on little snow-white.They all cried out with astonishment.当小矮人手持蜡烛，并让团小小的雪白的光下降。他们都惊讶地叫了出来。：Stop（众人后跳一步，公主起，望众人）停！
：Wa!Beaty!What a lovely child!How beautiful!哇，美女！多么可爱的小孩！多美丽啊！：Who are you?你是谁？
: Where are you from？你从哪里来？
: Why are you coming here?你为什么要到这里？
公主：Ladies and gentlemen.I am Snow White.I am 16 years old.Now I am on kindergarten and still not married.The truth is that先生们，女士们。我叫白雪公主，今年15岁，上幼稚园，还没有结婚。事情其实这样的…… 旁白：Princess told the whole process of the story to the dwarfs.Then the dwarfs began to discuss wether
to keep Snow White back.公主把事情的经过告诉了矮人们此时，七个小矮人讨论是否留下白雪公主 公主：（欲听众人决定，双手放在耳朵处）
：It is a deal!Where there is difficulty,there is help!Even if there doesn’t have any difficulty,we nust make one and go to help!就这么办！有困难要帮，没有困难，制造困难也要帮呀~~~~ : If you do some cooking for us.If you make the beds for us.如果你可以为我们煮饭，为我们铺床。
：If you do some washing, you can stay with us.如果你可以为我们洗衣服，你就可以留在这里，同我们一起居住。
：But you must be careful.但是你要小心！
：Don’t go out.Don’t let anyone come in.Your stepmother will find you and kill you.不要出去，不要让任何人进来，你的后妈会把你找到然后杀了你。
公主：You are so kind to me!你们对我太好了！
旁白：From then on, Snow White kept the house.When the three dwarfs came back, she had everything prepared.On the other hand, the queen didn’t receive the hunter’s information.She was anxious.从此，白雪公主就住在了小屋里。另一方面，皇后等不到猎人的消息，她很急。第四场
皇后上场
旁白：The wicked queen took out the mirror。邪恶的王后拿出魔镜。魔镜上场。
皇后：（蹭魔镜）Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful in the world?咒语，谁是世界上最美丽的人？
魔镜： You are the most beautiful in the world.But, however, whereas, nevertheless , Snow White is still alive and well.（一边摆手，退，逃）She lives with the seven dwarfs.No one is more beautiful than she.你是世界上最美丽的人，但是，但是，但是，白雪公主还活着，她跟七个小矮人住在一起，没有人比她更美丽。皇后：（抓头）No!Snow White must die.I had to let her disappear in the world.keep calm, Let me see!（皇后站起）Ok,I get one！不，白雪公主必须死，我必须让她在世界上消失。保持冷静，让我想想！好，我想到一个办法了！
旁白：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman.She came to the cottage.王后做了有毒的苹果和一个老妇人打扮自己。她来到了山寨。
皇后：Good things to sell.Pretty things to sell.Cheap.Very cheap.有好东西卖，有好东西卖，便宜啊，非常便宜的。
公主：Hi, my good lady.What do you sell?你好，我亲爱的女士，你要卖什么？
皇后：Apples.Very delicious apples!Do you want to have a taste?苹果，很美味的苹果！你想试一下吗？ 公主：Do you have anycarrots?你有胡萝卜吗？ 皇后：Do you want some apples?你想要一些苹果吗？ 公主：Do you have any carrots?你有胡萝卜么？
皇后：（大声）My question is that: Do you have any carrots?Oh,no,no，no，Do you want some apples?我要问的问题是：你有一些胡萝卜吗？噢，不，不，不，是你想要些苹果吗？ 公主：Oh，apple……Do you have any carrots?噢，你有些胡萝卜吗？（皇后逼近公主，把苹果塞在公主嘴里）
公主：（正经状）It is poisonous!（闭眼，倒，坐椅子上）它是有毒的！
（皇后大笑）哈哈哈！哈哈哈！Now I’m the most beautiful in the world.I have a dream today!I have a dream that one day，I can be the most beautiful woman in the world.现在我是世界上美丽的人，我的梦想实现了，我的梦想有实现的一天，我成为世界上最美丽的人了！
旁白：Sn ow White's death is like a star across the midnight.After so many years whenever I look up to the lonely night sky。When the seven dwarfs came from work.They were greatly surprise to see Snow White
dead.白雪公主的死就像流星划过子夜，多年后每当我仰望寂寞的星空，总会想起这样一句话：“有的人的死重于泰山，而有的人的死则轻于鸿毛，轻于鸿毛……当七个小矮人下班回来，他们非常惊讶的看到白雪公主死了。
旁白： Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time.But she looked as if she was living.She looked as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.However, one day, a prince came to the seven dwarfs’ house.When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.虽然白雪公主死了很长时间，但是她看起来还是活生生的。她看起来白的如雪，红的如玫瑰，黑的如乌木。但是，有一天，一个王子来到了七个小矮人的房子前。当他看见了白雪公主，他就爱上了她 第五场
王子：Please, let me marry Snow White.I love her.I want her to be my wife.请让我娶白雪公主，我爱她，我想她成为我的妻子。
:May I have your name,please?我能知道你的名字吗？ 王子:(从兜里掏出一卷卫生纸递给B):(看到)I’m very busy for the duels every day——The Texas Cowboy.我每天都很忙——德州牛仔。:But why should we believe you?但是我们为什么要相信你呢？
王子:I love her.I love this life will not be a second girl.我爱她，我不会再像爱她一样爱第二个女孩。
:But she is dead.While we don’t want to admit that she was dead。但是她已经死了，虽然我们不想承认，但她已经死了
王子:(朝公主深情地看了看，抓住她的手)I would like to
become a
fairy tale the angel you love, open arms into wings to protect you, you have to believe, believe we will be like a fairy tale, happiness and joy in the end.我要变成童话里你爱的那个天使，展开双手变成翅膀守护你，你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里，幸福和快乐是结局。旁白：Snow White came to her life,as was written in the magic book of the wicked queen.But she turned into a tigress.白雪公主苏醒过来了，就像邪恶的皇后的魔法书一样神奇。但是她转变成了一个母老虎的性格。公主:Oh,who destroyed my dreams!I feel very angry!噢，是谁吵醒了我们美梦！我感到很生气！王子: Please forgive me, noble princess.It’s me.请饶恕我，高贵的公主，是我。
旁白: princess fanned a slap in the face of the prince.The seven dwarfs ran away.公主给了王子一个耳光，七个小矮人逃走了。
ABCDEFG: Dear Prince, we give you princess.(逃走)亲爱的王子，我把公主让给你！(白雪公主扯着王子的耳朵离开)
旁白: Later, the prince and Snow White married.But the prince's life is very tragic.最后，王子和公主结婚了，但是王子的生活却格外的凄惨！谢幕！
第五篇：孔雀东南飞搞笑剧本剧本
《孔雀东南飞》剧本
旁白：东汉末建安年间，庐江太守衙门里的小官吏焦仲卿的妻子刘兰芝被焦仲卿的母亲赶回娘家，她回娘家后发誓不再嫁人。她的娘家逼迫她改嫁，她便投水死了。焦仲卿听到兰芝投水而死这件事，也在自家庭院的树上吊死了。当时的人哀悼他们.写下这首诗记述这件事。；【孔雀鸟向东南方向飞去，飞上五里便徘徊一阵】
刘兰芝: 大家好!我就是传说中美貌与智慧并重、温柔与体贴的化身----刘兰芝我十三能织布,十四学裁衣,十五弹箜篌,十六诵诗书……
焦母:(拄拐上场,吼道)你死哪去了!还不赶紧去做饭!
兰芝:(低眉顺眼并给婆婆行礼)婆婆……我这就去给您做饭?今天咱们吃面条,行么?
焦母:(面朝天,生气状)面条……面条,太滑!
兰芝:(委曲求全)那……那……咱们吃包子?
焦母:(顿了顿拐)包子！！包子,太腻!
兰芝:(声音哽咽)那……吃饼成不?
焦母:(白了兰芝一眼)不行!不行!烙饼太硬!
兰芝:(泪水溢满眼眶,强忍不流)那婆婆,你想吃什么,我去给您做。
焦母:(怒斥)算了吧！你这个笨婆娘！我们焦家怎么娶了你？连饭都做不好！下去吧！算了，快下去……真烦死人了！
（兰芝黯然转身，坐在椅子上哭，焦母下场，兰芝转身坐在椅子上哭，仲卿上）
仲卿：（远行刚回家，看见兰芝在哭，急忙放下行李作揖到她面前安慰道）娘子，你这是怎么了？（急切）
兰芝: 相公几日不见，你又消瘦了！
仲卿：娘子更堪憔悴，母亲又说你来吧！娘子受苦了！
兰芝:(兰芝低头沉默接着说)只怕……只怕……母亲是不会留我了!
仲卿：娘子莫担心,我不会让你离开我的!待我再向母亲求情!(焦下)
(仲卿一边走一边犹豫,经过一番思考,他终于来到母亲的房门,焦母正襟危坐于前焦上前去一鞠躬)
仲卿：母亲啊!你看兰芝她温柔体贴,对您恭敬孝顺,你为什么总是不满意呢?
焦母: 乖儿子,听话?那种女人不要也罢!娘再给你找一个好媳妇。喏……东家有个芙蓉姐姐，名叫秦罗敷 娘看她是人见人爱，花见花开，车见车爆胎，她和你啊，真是龙配龙，凤配凤，老鼠配臭虫！
仲卿：啊！
焦母: 青蛙配恐龙！
仲卿：啊！
焦母: 奥……不对!美女配英雄!
仲卿：不,孩儿已和兰芝立下山盟海誓、相伴终生,我是风儿,她是沙,我是叶儿她是花,我是……
焦母: 够了,你放了肆了,大了胆了,有能耐了是不是,我的话也不听,说不行!就不行!你们俩立马断交,立刻!马上!
(焦抱着头,仲卿被母亲赶了出来,满脸沮丧的来到兰芝屋里)
仲卿：(深情的)娘子
兰芝: 相公无须多言,小女子什么都明白了。
仲卿：兰芝你先放心回家，等我把母亲搞定了，就来接你！
兰芝: 相公……【唱 我舍不得…可是时间回不去了】
仲卿：（感动有感而发）如果我有一千万，我就能买一栋房子，我有一千万么？没有！所以我没有买。如果我有翅膀，我就能飞，我有翅膀么？没有！所以我不会飞。如果我能等一个人，！是的！我能！如果要在这个时间上加一个期限的话，我愿意是一万年！【唱爱你一万年…】
兰芝:（感动流泪状）啥也别说了，感情都在酒里了!【拿个杯子喝交杯酒】
旁白:(分别依依不舍,兰芝带着仲卿的希望回到家中,可是!到了家门口,她想到自己被休,不禁又感到害怕)
兰芝:(害怕状)母亲……母亲!我回来了!
兰芝母:(十分生气,十分吃惊)你真是放了肆了!大了胆了!有能耐了!是不是!被人休了!还好意思回来!说!为什么被休呀!
兰芝: 我没做错什么?是仲卿她娘看我不顺眼,就把我赶回来了!(同情状并轻轻挽着女儿的手)
兰芝母:(理解状)原来是这样呀!女儿呀!你真是命苦呀!你先回房休息吧!别太伤心!
兰芝:(应答)那娘我先回房休息了。
旁白:（兰芝被休的消息很快传了出去，几天后的一个月明高照的晚上，县令家的三公子出来赏月，不知不觉来到了刘府）
三少爷:(君望月)今天的月亮真圆呀!就像烧饼,就是芝麻少了点?呀!兰芝家的灯还开着,难道她也在赏月?正好!趁现在!……唱:今夜我又来到你的窗前,窗帘上你的影子多么可爱,默默的爱了你这么多年,今夜我要向你……表白……
兰芝: 仲卿……仲卿!是你么?
三少爷:(痛苦状)不!我是府君!
兰芝:(变色冷冷地说)是你呀!你来做什么!
三少爷: 兰芝,有一句话很早就想对你说了,其实……其实……我很……
兰芝: 你还是走吧!我的心今生今世只属于一个人!奥!仲卿……(抬头望着天空表示天真)我的爱人!你在哪里?
三少爷: 兰芝……兰芝!我一定会让你嫁给我的!
旁白:(第二天,县令派媒人到刘府提亲 [媒婆上场]
媒婆: 终于轮到我了,各位观众!我就是前无古人、后无来者、驰名中外的跨世纪金牌媒人----铁尺铜牙“小甜甜”创业数十年来，凭俺沉鱼落雁、闭月羞花之貌、能起死回生的三寸不烂之舌，促成了多少美好姻缘，连月老前天还说，要拜俺为师呢？哈！哈！哈！哈！哎吆！……到了！（走到门前敲门）叮咚……
刘母: 谁呀!谁呀!来了!来了!(开门)你找谁呀!阿婆?
媒婆: 哎吆!看你说的!人家可是黄花大闺女?(同时做手势 羞涩拿手绢[没有手绢拿卫生纸代替]挡着脸)刘母: 奥!对不起!那你有事么?姑娘!
媒婆: 是这样的,县令家的三公子,看上你们家的刘姑娘了,他对她是一见钟情、越陷越深、茶饭不思、水米不进,叶县令特意派我来提亲的!刘母: 兰芝……兰芝!她……
媒婆: 你还犹豫什么?这可是叶家的三公子呀!那人长得绝了!才十八岁!正当壮年!尤其是!那张嘴,特能白活【河南话……】
刘母: 不是这个问题呀!是……
媒婆: 那是什么问题!你们家不就是想嫁个有钱人吗?这不是你们想要的有钱人吗?
刘母: 那我去问问兰芝吧!兰芝…… 兰芝: 娘,有事吗?
刘母: 闺女呀!叶家来提亲了,你意见如何呀?
兰芝: 娘呀!我不想嫁给三少爷,我和仲卿分开的时候,约定好了!我不嫁呀!刘母: 我看人家条件不错!就嫁了吧!那个焦仲卿还不一定回来接你呢?
兰芝: 我曾与仲卿许下诺言，除非海水变黄金，满天掉馅饼，不然永不相弃的，还是算了罢。刘母: 唉!
媒婆: 说什么呢?真是彪死人了!不嫁算了!可别后悔!(转身拿出手机给三公子打电话)
媒婆: 哈罗呀!三公子呀!
三少爷: 怎么样?搞定了没有呀?
媒婆: 哎呀!…小女子对不住您啊!俺把公子您的风流潇洒都说尽了，可那小娘子竟然是王八吃秤砣铁了心啊，她要和那个那个什么焦的永不相弃啊……
三少爷: 我晕!就这样你还铁齿铜牙呢？饭桶，一群饭桶！还是待本公子亲自出马！(挂机)兰芝:(兰芝一个人在家里,对着墙壁不禁又想起了仲卿)君当做磐石,妾当做蒲苇,蒲苇纫如丝,磐石无转移(思念状)山无棱天地和,才敢与君决。仲卿你知道我在想你吗?
刘兄: 哎呀,哎呀!喜事呀,天大的喜事呀!兰芝,太守府今日来提亲了,这可是天大的喜讯呀!兰芝: 哥,我不嫁!
刘兄: 什么!(大怒)你傻了不是,这么好的婚事你还要拒绝,人家没嫌你,就是你这儿辈子修来的福了,你还……
兰芝: 哥,你甭说了,我死也不同意!
刘兄: 你……你,你怎么就这么不开窍呀!你想啊!你若嫁给府君!就会有享不尽的荣华富贵,我还可以弄个官来做做,可你……
兰芝: 我不在乎这些!【场景转换】
三少爷: 凉风有信,秋月无边,思娇之情,度日如年啊!我虽不是高大威猛,风流倜傥,但我有广阔的胸襟加强劲的臂膀。（路上遇见兰芝）哇噻!美女!(激动上前拥抱,兰芝躲开,三公子抱住刘兄,急忙松开)
刘兄: 哎呀!这不是三公子吗?兰芝还不来拜见三公子!(兰芝不安,上前作揖)三少爷: 兰芝美眉…一日不见,如三秋兮,你让我等的好苦啊!
兰芝: 三公子请自重,奴家已有意中人,我与仲卿立下山盟海誓,终生相伴。我是风儿，他是沙。我是牙膏，他是刷。我是乌龟，他是青蛙。
三少爷: 你是天鹅，他是癞蛤蟆!那个焦什么卿的，啊！有我帅吗?有我有钱吗?有我这么有品味吗?有当县令的老爹罩着吗?
刘兄: 就是,就是!想我们三公子!才高八斗,学富五车高大威猛英俊潇洒,号称一颗青松压海棠……三公子不要着急,是我们家兰芝糊涂,这门亲事咱们做定了!兰芝: 我不嫁!
刘兄: 闭嘴,你嫁也得嫁,不嫁也得嫁!
兰芝: 你……(无奈)
三少爷: 如此最好了!娘子,小生就待择日来迎娶你了。(唱)你要是嫁人不要嫁给别人一定要嫁给我。哈哈…
旁白:(兰芝想到自己将要嫁给府君,就坐立不安,不知不觉走出家门,却正好看到闻讯赶来的仲卿)
兰芝: 仲卿!
仲卿：兰芝!
兰芝: 你……来晚了,明天我将成为别人的新娘了!
仲卿：真是可喜可贺呀,磐石方且厚,可以卒千年!蒲苇一时纫,便做旦夕间。你就要做叶家少奶奶了,还说什么诺言呀!(生气)
兰芝: 唉!你又何必如此呢!同样是被逼的,这世道不容我们,那我们来世再见。
仲卿：不求同年同月同日生,但求同年同月同日死(深情状)
兰芝: 在天愿做比翼鸟，在地愿为连理枝（深情状）
仲卿与兰芝: 我们来世再见!
仲卿回到家 与母亲说道：母亲，儿子要先走一步，你不要太想念我，要是想的慌 我会回来看看你的 祝您身体健康 寿比南山 【抹泪状】
母亲【惊吓 悲伤状】：儿子你不要这么忍心抛下我 世间女子这么多 你何必在一棵树上吊死呢 东边有个不错的美眉 我去帮你提亲 她肯定不会拒绝的 【仲卿拒绝了母亲 回到房间叹息】
旁白:(天亮了母亲又来催了,叶家的花轿已经来了,兰芝终于下定决心)
兰芝:(痛苦状)为什么我的命这么苦!相爱的人不能在一起?唉!仲卿我去了。（于是跳湖自尽）
旁白:(仲卿听到兰芝自杀的消息后,急忙跑出房门)
仲卿：兰芝,你真的自杀了,好!我们地下相见吧!等我!【上吊身亡】
旁白:(就这样相爱的人被分开,甜蜜的家被撤散,美满的幸福被冲淡……焦刘两家丧子之痛无法挽回，他们将仲卿与兰芝的尸体和葬在华山之上，在坟墓的东西种上松柏，南北种上梧桐，枝叶相互交错，异常茂盛，在树丛中栖生着一对飞鸟，名叫鸳鸯。白天，行人听了他们的叫声驻足静听；夜晚，寡妇听了他们的叫声，起床彷徨。再三警告后人，要从这件事中取得教训，万万不能忘！)
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