英语-西游记英文搞笑剧本

第一篇：英语-西游记英文搞笑剧本

孙悟空 Monkey(M for short)白骨精 Jenny White(J for short)唐僧 Tang Seng(T for short)黄袍怪 Yellow(Y for short)沙僧 Sha Seng(S for short)猪八戒 Pig(P for short)Act 1（J 照着镜子上台）

（这时，电话铃响了起来，J不耐烦地接过听筒，于是，一个更另她心烦的声音就在电话那头响起。）

Y: Hello!It’s me.J: I know it’s you.You call me every day，it has 400 years。Y: And today, I’ll ask the same question again.Will you marry me?(J对这位契而不舍的追求者已厌烦到了极点。)J: You wish!I get one more pimple.How bad!Y: Ah!I just call to tell you the meat of Tang Seng can make you beautiful and Tang Seng will come to our place.We can go and catch him together.J: ok ,ok,.I will have a rest.(不待Y说完，J就没好气地挂断了电话。)Y；Refuse me again.I will never give up.(说罢，好不威风的下台去了)J: How nasty he is!(她想了想，说)But Tang Seng is really good for me.（拿起一副望远镜。J便观察起T的行踪来。)J:(欢喜万分)Ah-ha，(M握着金箍棒在前面探路,打电话给T)M：Hi,master.T;monkey,where are we ? M;DaHuangZheng,JieShouShi M;Ok，we are coming.(P在前面摇摆走着，T随后，可怜S提着许多行李上台)M；master，please（指着一休息地方）

（J拿起一纸筒，把耳朵凑上去偷听T师徒四人谈话）

T: Monkey!You are great, thank you very much ,I am happy to be your teacher and......(P懒洋洋地突然打断)P: Sir!I’m so hungry.T: I’m hungry too.Monkey, go and buy some food。Don’t go to LanZhouNiurouMianGuan and LiuYiFanDian, just go to ChangQingFanDian.It is cheap。

（M点头答应，欲要离去）

T;monkey,just go to changqingfandian.M;yes sir.(欲要离去)T;monkey,wash your box.M;ok.ok(欲要离去)T;monkey,be careful M;thank you sir(欲要离去)T;monkey....(M不耐烦打断)M；you,go away(飞奔而去)

（剩余师徒三人拿出经书念起三字经，一会就睡着了。舞台另一头的J听了不禁眉开眼笑。）J: It’s a good time.（J迅速地打扮好，挎着篮子走到了T师徒的面前。P闻着香味醒了，并叫醒师傅）P: Ah, a beautiful girl.Hello!What’s in your basket? It smells nice!J: Some food for my son.《husband》-P: I’m hungry.Can I have some?

（心急的P伸手去拿篮子里的东西，J假装惊慌地护住了篮子。）T: Pig!be polite.J: You are very kind.I can give you some food.T:（双手合十）Good girl。

M: Monster!（T听到Monster一词立刻吓得晕倒在S怀中。S惊恐万分）S；master master,Pig Pig, come here M: No matter how big you are, I’ll kill you.J: How nasty you are!M: Monster!Take my stick!（M举起金箍棒就要向J的头顶击下。就在这千钧一发之际，P忽然扑上去将M拦腰抱住）P: Beauty, run!Run run.(T 逃过一劫，对各位徒弟尤其是M的拼死保护感动之至，对S说；monkey is great。情不自禁地唱起了Only You。其结果，三个土地全头痛欲裂，大吐特吐。)（终于，T唱完了）

T:(清清嗓子)Monkey, go and buy the lunch.I’m very hungry.M: Yes，master，Just stay here。（边说边画圈）。Goodbye sir.（M离开后，T等就在圈内又念起三字经，不一会打起瞌睡来，P更是鼾声震天。）（J见M走了，便又来打T的主意。她走了两步，踩到了M画的圈。）J: Ouch。

（J知道M的厉害，不敢轻举妄动。但T近在眼前，她实在不甘心放弃。她想了想，忽地计上心头，变出一盒KFC。J: Come, come Come。。

（T等仿佛着了魔似的，梦游般循着KFC的香气向圈子外走。J终于如愿地把他们引出来了。就在J的手向T伸去的时候，M赶回来了，再次将J当场抓获。）M: You again!J: You。you.How nasty you are!M: Now you cannot run!(T 刚刚清醒，看到厮杀场面，想到自己又一次有惊无险，感叹；monkey is really great。不仅又唱起了Only You。M不堪忍受此歌声，抓着J的手也放松了。J乘机溜走了。)（T唱罢，众人终于松了口气。P忽然发现M正望着J远去的方向发愣，伸手在M的眼前晃了晃，M竟然没有反应。）

P:(调侃地)Ah, you like that beautiful girl.(M 回过神来，发现自己的失态，给了P一拳。)T: Monkey, I know that woman is nice, but you can’t love her.loving girls needs time and money.you don’t have much time and much money.M: I won’t.T: That’s fine.Everybody ,are you reday?（列队齐声）：Yes sir。(音乐响起——《Nobody》)（转身跳起了nobody）

第二篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 吕欢 M:孙悟空 徐彩凤 P:猪八戒 艾翘 S:沙僧 李岩艳

X:白骨精原型 乌凡迪 X1:白骨精变成的男人 张伊僮 X2:白骨精变成的女人 王彧 Q:女儿国王后 孙栾营

T: Wow„,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie!Give the fucking„„..(转过身看到八戒在看书)T:(很吃惊)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao„.xi„..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end„..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand„

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because„(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food„.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧开始给Q打电话（背景音乐《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释„.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling„.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you„oh„they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace„ M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye„

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food„.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away„..T: Em„„.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安装)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is„..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em„„Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 白骨精上场

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa„I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn„..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha„„change change„„

转了几圈，变成了一个男人。（背景音乐《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望着)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh„.I win!Em„„,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音乐《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)M:(回来，看见X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音乐《打斗》

T：er„..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death„..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女画册，继续看）M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it„„.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)X:（看到画册）ah„..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.变成了一个女的（背景音乐《天竺少女》）说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi„.Mr handsome!T:（转头）wow„hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny„you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you„.（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west„..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语)M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha„..look at who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you„.Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（转向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing„.and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh„but you look familiar„.you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number„..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

X：I miss you too„„（背景音乐响起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go„.音乐停，场上只有唐僧，犹豫的望着天空，音乐换成《一生所爱》 一会儿，悟空和八戒上场，安慰唐僧（背景音乐响起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢问路在何方》„..全剧终

第三篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陈鹏

M:孙悟空 陈中良

P:猪八戒 李涛

S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程

X1:白骨精变成的男人

X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳

Q:女儿国王后 徐静静

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)T:(很吃惊)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧开始给Q打电话

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..白骨精上场

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 转了几圈，变成了一个男人。X1:I look great!蹒跚的走过去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回来 将它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃，看书)M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:（看到画册）ah…..I got a idea!变成了一个女的 说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（转头）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语)M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎，别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（转向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思议的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音乐响起，《红豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音乐停，场上只有唐僧，犹豫的望着天空，音乐换成《可惜不是你》 一会儿，悟空和八戒上场，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢问路在何方》…..全剧终

第四篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇

人物 ： 唐僧

八戒

悟空

白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨精原型男

女儿国国王

hope you guys enjoy it！

改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子

唐: Wow…boys!This place looks beautiful.Where we are now? Does any one of you know something about it? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)唐:八戒，Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

唐：哼!（唐生气地叫）pig，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)唐:(很吃惊)wow！八戒，very good!I hardly see you study！.What kind of book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。唐:(凑过去)let me have a look!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not supposed to read books about beautiful girls!I will keep it for you until we finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t understand…

唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？,This is because…oh 悟空 dance to my song！

(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)八戒:ok boss，I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse.boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说)hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest.get out of here!give me some private space!（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country 唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together.哼！you seldom give me a call。唐:oh darling….i am sorry.you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that.I can only call you when I am alone.But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart。oh damn it！…they are back!Honey I will call you the next time ok！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）悟空: boss，who are you calling ? 唐:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? 悟空:here!Ive found some delicious bananas!唐:banana，banana banana!How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey!I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..白骨精上场

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats

master tang will live forever.how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me.嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完！。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!蹒跚的走过去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy，may god bless you 唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too.get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。

悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it，you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it，how can I know that you want to see it？

。if you don‟t want to see it，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it。then I wont let you see(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

唐：悟空！come back！哎。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh ….He is interested in girls 嘿嘿!变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换 说话一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone.白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话）

白2:hi….gentleman!唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny 白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。I just got lost，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you，you don‟t worry！

八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow，what a beautiful girl！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god！our boss is in danger now！马上朝白2冲过去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey，don‟t be rude!this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster，in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl，she will eat you！唐:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

唐：I think，you，little monkey need to be punished 悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。!说 Money，you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语)(杰克逊的beat it，，just beat it，beat it，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？)悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„

唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。

唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go！” 八戒不情愿地离开 白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖

白原：idiot！.look who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….唐：啊！悟空 悟空 八戒

come back come back 白原：哈哈哈 shut up！no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟！be quick！„

白原看到将电话拿过扔掉 白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势 女:“stop！白原转过头来 唐”oh darling you just come at the right time，thank god！“

女：er，I didn‟t tell you that I have bought a new airplane with a satellite map，so I can find you easily！cool huh？ 女:monster.i will finish you（举起魔杖，指着白原）

白原:看着很吃惊you are the king of the girl country？ it must have been hundreds of years since the last time when we were together

女：I am confused。who are you ？

白原:带上帽子变成一个男子，新白娘子传奇音乐响

白原唱者：“oh 娘子，啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！西湖美景三月天哟，春雨如酒柳如烟勒“

女：”oh 相公，十年修得共船渡，百年修得共枕眠“

白原和女合唱：若是千呀年呀有缘，白首同心在眼前。啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦。。！白首同心在眼前”，女：oh my darling I miss you all the time，tears fall down everytime when I think of you。低声哭泣着。

白原：哎，边给女擦眼泪 honey，forgive me，when we were apart last time，on my way home，god caught me and I was sent to prison by him、。a few days ago I just came out secretly！

女: 哼，not all the monsters are evil，god should not have treated you like that。

白原：oh honey don‟t be sad now I am back，we can live together forever，right？

女：”great，let‟s go back to my country，this way please，my airplane is there！两人手拉手向飞机走去！留下唐僧一人。

唐自言自语；“哎，my queen left me，how can she cheat me and break my young heart？

八戒赶过来看见唐很悲伤 说“boss，what happened？ 唐：“nothing ,I just miss my mother ok！„

八戒：oh boss don‟t be sad。When you miss her，you can call her and ask her to be online！then you can see her through the Internet。I think qq is a good choice!唐：“ok 八戒，lets go、where are your brothers ？

八戒：boss they are waiting for us，we should continue our journey now。。唐”ok。。音乐西游记

敢问路在何方 路在脚下、、、

第五篇：西游记搞笑剧本

 西游记

话说三百年前，有一块灵石，有一天石头里蹦出了个猴子，是的，他就是我们鼎鼎大名的孙悟空了。然后有一天，悟空遇到了我们的观音姐姐，于是他们就狗血地相爱了。。观音：从现在开始：你只许对我一个人好； 要宠我，不能骗我； 答应我的每一件事情，你都要做到； 对我讲的每一句话都要是真心。不许骗我、骂我，要关心我； 别人欺负我时，你要在第一时间出来帮我； 我开心时，你要陪我开心； 我不开心时，你要哄我开心； 永远都要觉得我是最漂亮的； 梦里你也要见到我；在你心里只有我。你记住了没有？

悟空：从现在开始，我只疼你一个。我会宠你，决不会骗你。答应你的每一件事情，我都会做到。对你讲的每一句话，都是真话。不欺负你，不骂你，会相信你。有人欺负你，我会第一时间出来帮你。你开心的时候，我会陪着你开心； 你不开心，我也会哄得你开心。永远觉得你最漂亮，做梦都会梦见你，在我的心里，永远只有你一个。可是悟空有一天去怡红院玩，看到了如霜，从此对她一见钟情，茶饭不思，可是又苦于观音姐姐的淫威，无处诉相思之苦，于是他只能向师傅唐三藏寻求帮助。

悟空：“师傅，我要上西天取经。” 三藏（兴奋地）：“悟空！为师等你这句话等了整整300年了！

悟空 ：”错了，我是为一个女人。“

三藏：”好！为女死为女亡，为女取经当色狼！英雄！敢问是谁家女子？“

悟空：”怡红院如霜姑娘。“

三藏：”啊？！妓？！“

悟空：”有何不妥？“

三藏：”敢爱人之所不敢爱，品味与众不同，师傅我佩服你！“ 悟空：去取经之前，我想去看如霜最后一面。于是，他们来到了怡红院。悟空：如霜姑娘我们又见面了！如 霜：怎么会是你呢？猪大爷呢？

龟 婆：哎呀，那个猪大爷的定风珠被苏老一打就变成了珍珠粉让我冲水给吞下去了。

龟 婆：哎呀，其实你别看孙老的头发像扫把似的。其实他这个认识很风趣的。

如 霜：但是...龟 婆：没有但是，那十万两进了我的口袋，让我再拿出来那就很难罗。其实孙老他这个人啊...悟空：废话可以少说几句啦，龟 婆，你出去先。龟 婆：是！遵命，遵命！如 霜：但是.....龟 婆：好了，好了，你就将就一下。

悟空：姑娘首先告诉你个好消息：我很喜欢你！如 霜：这个对我来说可是个坏消息。

悟空：我早就知道你会这么说。闲话少说，我愿意出一百粒珍珠希望如霜姑娘今晚能与我把酒言欢。

如 霜：我不想跟你多说，请你出去！

悟空：哈哈哈哈哈。我果然没有选错人。好，我就先干为尽。如 霜：不能喝！哼！

悟空：实在太令我意外了。姑娘！如 霜：放手！

就在他们纠缠之际，八戒向观音告了密，于是他们就找到了怡红院。观音：八婆，如霜那个贱人住哪一间房呀？ 龟婆：啊...，是天字一号房。

八戒：天字一号房是吗，那我们去天字二号房！走！......小红：这一间就是天字二号房了。八戒：那天字一号房在后边啰？ 小红：不是呀。八戒：在那一边啰？ 小红：也不是呀。

八戒：这一边应该对了吧？ 小红：不~是。

八戒：嗳，到底天字一号房在哪一边呐？

小红：哦，在那边，再那边，再过对面下楼梯再上楼梯，楼上第二间就是啦。

八戒：怎么天字二号房不是在天字一号房的隔壁吗？！

小红：怎么？有人告诉你天字一号房在天字二号房的隔壁吗？嗯~ 八戒：笑什么笑？再笑把你们牙全拔光！

观音和八戒终于找到了悟空，可是悟空躲到了床底下，观音把悟空提出来。观音：你以为躲在这里就找不你吗？没用的，像你这么出色的男人无论在哪，都像黑夜里的莹火虫一样鲜名出众，你那忧郁的眼神，稀嘘的胡渣子,神乎其神的棍法，你永远都是我独一无二，风度翩翩的猴大王。可是，你为什么要抛弃我，我今天不打得你满脸桃花开，你不知道花儿为什么这样红。

于是观音打了悟空一巴掌，就把他打到了五指山下。

五百年过去了，悟空开始取西经了，唐三藏被旧情人白骨精抓走了，悟空去找观音帮忙，刚好碰上王母娘娘蟠桃会。此时观音已经嫁给了如来。悟空：小音音，小音音

如来：“放开她！嘛呢，嘛呢，我有没有告诉过你，不要再纠缠我家小音音。什么什么意思，上班路上拦，下班家门口堵。不接你电话，你就改写信，你丫够古典的呀。平时也就算了，还闹到这来，就算你不懂法，她旁边还站着一喘气儿的，你瞎啊！指，指，指什么指呀！大学老师没教过你要尊重人啊！小学老师没教过你，要懂文明，讲礼貌啊！小音音为什么和你分手，那点破事你心里没数啊。我们都懒得提了，你不害臊，小音音还替你丢人现眼呢。”

悟空：”你..你TM是不是有病啊你？！”

如来：“威胁我那，抢婚那，记错日子了吧，今天不是我跟小仙儿办事，我们俩办事一定通知你，今天是别人的大喜日子！打个电话问问你师傅，这么做合适吗！好啦好啦，不害怕不害怕，我在呢，不~害~怕！” 说完如来用芭蕉扇把悟空扇走了。而这边，白骨洞里。

（白骨精拔出宝剑抵在三藏的咽喉上。）画外音：当时那把剑离我的喉咙只有0.01公分，但是四分之一炷香之后，那把剑的女主人将会彻底地爱上我，因为我决定说一个谎话。虽然本人生平说过无数的谎话，但是这一个我认为是最完美的„„ 白骨精： 你再往前半步我就把你给杀了！

三藏：你应该这么做，我也应该死。曾经有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，等我失去的时候我才后悔莫及，人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。你的剑在我的咽喉上割下去吧！不用再犹豫了！如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对那个女孩子说三个字：我爱你。如果非要在这份爱上加上一个期限，我希望是„„ 一万年！“好，我们今晚就成亲吧！” 喝交杯酒。

白骨精：哈哈~~~~我告诉你，你刚才喝的那杯参茶，已经被我下了天下第一奇毒－－“一日丧命散”！

三藏：哈哈~~~~天下第一奇毒，哪轮得到你那“一日丧命散”？！应该是我们唐家的“含笑半步颠”才对！

白骨精：哈哈~~~~废话！我们“一日丧命散”是用七种不同的毒虫，再加上鹤顶红，提炼七七四十九日而成的，无色无味，杀人于无影无踪。三藏：我们“含笑半步颠”是用蜂蜜，川贝，桔梗，加上天山雪莲配制而成，不须冷藏，也没有防腐剂，除了毒性猛烈之外，味道还很好吃。（两人面对镜头，成广告模式）白骨精：吃了我们“一日丧命散”的人，一日之内会武功全失，筋脉逆流，胡思乱想，而致走火入魔，最后会血管爆裂而死。

三藏：没有错！而吃了“含笑半步颠”的朋友，顾名思义，绝不能走半步路，或者面露笑容，否则也会全身爆炸而死。实在是居家旅行－－ 白骨精：杀人灭口－－

两人：（齐声）必备良药！

：哈哈~~~~天下第一奇毒，哪轮得到你那“一日丧命散”？！应该是我们唐家的“含笑半步颠”才对！

白骨精：哈哈~~~~废话！我们“一日丧命散”是用七种不同的毒虫，再加上鹤顶红，提炼七七四十九日而成的，无色无味，杀人于无影无踪。三藏：我们“含笑半步颠”是用蜂蜜，川贝，桔梗，加上天山雪莲配制而成，不须冷藏，也没有防腐剂，除了毒性猛烈之外，味道还很好吃。（两人面对镜头，成广告模式）白骨精：吃了我们“一日丧命散”的人，一日之内会武功全失，筋脉逆流，胡思乱想，而致走火入魔，最后会血管爆裂而死。

三藏：没有错！而吃了“含笑半步颠”的朋友，顾名思义，绝不能走半步路，或者面露笑容，否则也会全身爆炸而死。实在是居家旅行－－ 白骨精：杀人灭口－－

两人：（齐声）必备良药！

这时，白骨精的妹妹白龙马来了，她手里拿着一日丧命散的解药。它已经

觊觎三藏的美貌好多年了

白龙马：你想要啊？你想要说清楚不就行了吗？你想要的话我会给你的，你想要我当然不会不给你啦！不可能你说要我不给你，你说不要我却偏要给你，大家讲道理嘛！现在我数三下，你要说清楚你要不要„„ 三藏：我靠，你到底给不给我？

白龙马：好，不过你要带我去取西经。三藏：噢啦！

于是，白龙马就驮着三藏去找悟空。

经过流沙河时，遇到了拦路抢劫的沙和尚。

沙增：此路是我开，此河是我挖，要想过此河，留下过河钱。

白龙马：咦，师傅，此人鬼鬼祟祟丢人现眼，披头散发人摸狗样，他究竟是人是妖？

三藏：笨死了，这都不知道。人是人他妈生得，妖是妖他妈生得，此妖明显有了人心，那么他就不再是妖，是人妖。沙增：喂，你们说完了没有„„

沙增话还没说完，就被扇下来的悟空刚好砸到了头。就这样，师徒四人一起去取西经了。。