第一篇：一篇我帮别人修改的托福作文
1.People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
As we know, colleges and universities(可数名词不能单独存在)are the places where we continue tofour-years ’(year后面有-s，前面就不能有-。改为Four years' 或The four-year study)study will affect our whole life.As far as I am concerned（as far as sb.is concerned）, I prefer to attend college or university to study.（第一段写得似乎与主题无关系，主题是why，你似乎写成回答“是否应该上大学”）
college or university can we get（get不恰当，learn/acquire）a deal of knowledge systematically.We may study by ourselvesin the sea of the knowledge at home, nevertheless(nevertheless为连接副词，不能这样用。前面只能为分号或逗号), it is widely acknowledged that the erudition cannot be got（没有这样的英文表达，而且这句话似乎与主题无关）completely and organizationally.A research 不恰当 clearly shows）that the knowledge got(你)from college or university is five times as much as that from studying independently.The reason for the is due to different education systems, which decide the efficiency and the outcome of the study.As we know, college offers（没有这种说法，give sb.a helping hand）on making more friends and prooting(什么意思？)our social condition.After graduation, these close friends will aid us selflessly when we face some tough 识”这个意思，这个词组完全不对。I met Jack in college, who has become one of my bosom friends）in my college.I will not forget that summer when I met a tough financial problem because of unemployment.In addition, it is obvious that living in the college is a good way to get ready for a future job and to be 误，in which everyone has...）everyone having his or her profile, social circle, having a chance to adapt convenient to accommodate.（什么意思？）
你似乎写成回答“是否应该上大学”since attending college is good for getting knowledge, making friends and preparation for the new community.Giving the factors I have just outlined, i strongly believe that we should attend college or university!
亚佳教育点评：
1.结构完整，基本完成写作任务。但前后段落有跑题的嫌疑。
2.你似乎掌握很多复杂词汇，但是运用并不恰当，所以等于没用。以你现在的水平，更好的做法选择较为简单但能用对的词汇。
3.语法功底不扎实，低级语法错误多。
4.辩论时不能全部用自己做例子，没有说服力。
5.中文思维明显，很多地方明显没有逻辑性。
估计得分：16
第二篇：托福独立写作作文修改
独立5-现象证明P21 2010.10.31NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.Education is the foundation of a country.People today have a stronger concept（搭配不当，改为sense）of being educated than in the past.I agree with the statement that people gain an easier access to all kinds of educations at current times.Firstly, there are much more schools available today than in the past.No matter where you live, in big cities or in the countryside, the local government spends a large amount of money on the constructions of various types of schools, such as primary schools, middle schools, high schools and even schools for adults.More and more universities and colleges have been built to ensure higher education for top students.If you want to study in schools, you will always find a proper one to attend.Secondly, the teaching approach diversifies（there are diversified teaching approaches）.Except for（In addition to包括在内）blackboard and chalks, many advanced teaching devices are being used today in most schools, including computers, multi-media and some other instruments.Moreover, labs and libraries have also come into use for students to study deeper and wider(who want to make a deeper and wider study on the fields they are interested in).What is more, the teachers' teaching levels are greatly improved by communicating with other educators from all over the world.The technology becomes more developed than in the past, so it is easier now to study.Thirdly, people have equal rights to receive education.As we all know, people in the past were in terrible discrimination because of their sex and race(many people such as women and the black people were denied the right to education because they were discriminated against in the society because of their sex and race.两句合起来)For example, women and black people were used to be considered as people in lower classes or even slaves and weren't allowed to go to school.However, they have equal rights to study in schools nowadays.（要回到主题，和更容易接受教育要直接联系起来，所以再加一句）Obviously, these people surly have easier access to education.To sum up, almost everyone today has equal rights to go to all kinds of schools with diversified teaching approaches.So people do have an easier way to receive education now than in past times.The reasons above firmly support my opinion(最后一句话不够有力，可以将三点简明扼要的用一句话概括).(Word Count: 294)独立8-包含因果关系P15 2010.3.20NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today can solve many important problems so they do not need help from the government.With the development of the society, people can do more things by themselves nowadays（于什么时候比较？）than in the past.But I disagree with the statement that people can solve many important problems, therefore the government does not need to help them（therefore they need not depend on the government for any support）.There(are)three reasons as follows:
Firstly, People today still cannot solve many important problems by themselves in fact in terms of education, unemployment, war, starvation, poverty and so on.These are international problems all over the world, so a single person or even a group of people may not have the abilities to solve(be capable of solving)them.For example, if a man wants to stop a war between two countries, even he is powerful or wealthy, he(he, however wealthy and powerful,)cannot prevent them from fighting with each other without the help of others.Secondly, people today need more help from the government.As the life standards are getting higher, people have more requirements than before.They ask for all kinds of utilities for entertainment or exercise in public places.They need various insurance to make their lives more comfortable.They also require more schools and hospitals to take care of the young people and patients(the sick).Thirdly, whether people today can solve many problems or not has nothing to do with whether they need the government's help.It is the responsibility of the government to help people.The government must give people help no matter how powerful they are.In a word, the statement that people today do not need help from the government because they can solve many important problems is wrong.The reasons above can firmly support my idea.(260w)
独立1-包含should, important, necessary的简单话题
P75 2009.5.30 Younger school children(aged between five and ten)should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.In order to broaden the horizon of younger school children, it is suggested that they should study art and music as well as other common courses.I agree with it because of the following reasons.First of all, art and music can help students to relax.Campus life is stressful even for younger children who aged between five and ten, with all kinds of homework and assignments.However, by having music and art classes, students can get a much-needed escape from the heavy work.It can help them to relax their mind and study more efficiently in other classes.Second, music and art classes help improve students' interpersonal relationships.Students will meet together to talk about a same topic if they have common interests.For example, students attending art classes can talk about the masterpiece or life story of a famous painter.Students having music classes will enjoy the beautiful melody or sing songs together.By communicating with each other, they will build a strong friendship and learn how to behave in various situations.Third, music and art classes provide students with plenty of information about great artists and their works.By learning knowledge in artistic fields students can acquire different cultures from different countries.The artists and musicians describe what they see or hear in their works, showing feelings meanwhile, which bring the students the atmosphere at that time.To sum up, art and music classes should be taken by younger school students to broaden their horizon.(248w)
独立2-包含比较(better, prefer)的简单话题
P24 2010.10.9NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they live in big cities than in the countryside.No matter where people live, in big cities or in the countryside, they must take care of their family members.Basically I prefer the former one.Living in big cities has more advantages than living in the countryside.Firstly, for old people, living in big cities can be convenient.There are a large number of hospitals which are available to all kinds of diseases.When the old people catch a cold, have a fever or even heart attack, they could be taken to the best hospital nearby and received treat in time and recover as soon as possible.But in the countryside, situations in hospitals are obviously terrible.Secondly, children should receive good education, so living in big cities is a wise choice.Schools in big cities which get finance support from(the)government provide sufficient teaching facilities for the students in order that the students can study more easily and do more experiments.Moreover, the teaching levels of the teachers in big cities are higher on average than that of the teachers in the countryside.Admittedly, Living in big cities may have a few downsides.For example, the air may be not as fresh as it in the countryside and the noise may make people crazy sometimes.However,(the)government is taking measures to prevent the pollutions and people are also becoming aware of the importance of environmental protection.It is sure that the problems can be solved in the future.In a word, people can take care of their family members much better when they live in big cities than in the countryside, because advanced society welfares are everywhere in big cities.（Word Count: 272）
独立7-包含绝对词（never, always, only ,no longer,最高级等）.P92 2007.8.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Printed books will no longer exist.With the development of technology, digital books are increasingly coming into use while printed book are less used in our lives.It has been argued that printed books will no longer exist in the future.I disagree(with this opinion)although the statement has a grain of truth.First of all, admittedly, digital books have some advantages over printed books.First, it is cheaper to download a digital version from the internet than to buy a hardcover printed book.You may download Harry Potter for only half the price of the paper version.Second, the digital book is very convenient for us to carry because it is much lighter than the printed book.We can download thousands of articles into our mp4 or electronic books to read them everywhere instead of carrying several heavy books.However, to say that printed books will disappear from our lives in the future is unacceptable.First, hardcover printed books are worth collecting.They are usually very valuable with their beautiful covers and plentiful contents.Second, the printed books made by(of)papers are good for people's eyes.If we stare at a digital book all the time, our eyes will be tired or even hurt.Reading for a long period may do enormous harms to people's health, especially to children.Third, printed books are of great importance in some special ceremonies.They are usually the symbols of holy things.It is ridiculous for a minister to read with a digital book in a church.To sum up, although the digital books are more and more useful, it is sure that printed books will exist forever.(267)
第三篇：托福作文
I disagree that people now can better protect the environment than they could in the past.As technology develops, in order to satisfy the increasing population’s demand of natural products, people do harm on environment through creating pollutions, cutting down trees and hunting animals.Although people gradually realize the significance of protecting the environment they are living in, the damages they’ve done is hard to recover.Firstly, the number of pollutions from transportations and factories is growing in a high rate.When time goes by, people become richer and are also able to buy more high-technology products such as cars.Like other products, cars can provide convenience and can help people save their time, so most people want to use them.In this way, factories need to manufacture a great number of products in order to reach the need and make more money although they know that it will truly bring pollutions to the air and water when some machines work.Even if they do try to reduce the pollutions, the environment is still getting worse and worse.Just like the reason why more and more high-technology products are produced, the number of trees that are cut down is also increasing quickly.There are so many things that need trees—napkins, furniture , books and so on that people have to keep cutting down trees.Certainly, people know how significant it is to have trees in the nature, so they grow trees as long as they cut them down and make them in to notebooks.But unfortunately, the speed people grow new trees will never catch up the speed they cut down trees, so the trees could only become less and less.As we all know, trees play a important role in keeping the nature environment balance and absorb the CO2 in the air, so the decrease of trees has a bad influence on the environment.Finally, hunting the animals in the wild will obviously destroy the environment.Although animals in the wild are protected by the government and it is forbidden to hunt or kill them, there are still some people who want to hunt the animals and eat or do research on them.For example, some people in Guangdong like to eat the brain of monkey, and they hunt monkey in the case of law forbid.Such things will influence the food chain and the balance of ecological and then ruin the environment.Although people now have more advanced ways to protect the environment, the harm they do is still hard to restore.So people could not protect the environment better than they did before.
第四篇：托福作文
摸班1：
Recently there is a debate over whether high school should require students to wear school uniforms.Some people assert that high school should permit students to decide what to wear in school, while other people believe that students should be only allowed to wear school uniforms in school.As a matter of fact, this is a complex and controversial issue.Different people hold different views due to their different
backgrounds.Accordingly, it is impossible for us to give a universal answer to this question.As far as I am concerned, I agree that students should be asked to wear only school uniforms in school.I will prove my point of view by following discussion...............Certainly, we could not ignore the advantages from wearing what students want in school, such as
makeing them enjoy lives.Taking the practical situation into account that learning knowledge and skills is the most important thing in school, however, we can safely draw the conclusion that school should require students to wear school uniforms in school.黄的大家不要看了，是我写的练习之一，呵呵。但是要强调的是：转折很重要！但是没必要单写一段，我想最后一段用个小转折就OK了，因为我们毕竟主要还是说另外一方面嘛。
摸班2：
It seems, in so many items, very difficult to choose one of the animals to be the most important animal in my country.Because all of them in my country have their special functions and characteristics.But it does not mean that they are the same to me.To be frank, I would choose panda as the most important animal in my country if the practical situation that panda is such an animal that lives only in China is considered.To explain my point of view, I will illustrate it in following three aspects.因为是列举题目，所以最后简单总结一下就OK，2，3句话足够了。
第五篇：我谈作文修改
我们知道文章不是一写成就好，而要反复推敲、修改。学生写作文，更应该重视修改。老师批改，当然必要，但单靠教师改，改起来难，学生收获也不大。通过长期的作文教学实践，我认为，学生作文，应该先让学生自己读、自己感受、自己修改，然后再抄交老师批改，这样才会“事半功倍”。那么怎样对学生的作文进行修改呢？现在我将这几年摸索的经验拿出来，供大家批评、参考，以达到抛砖引玉的目的，提高学生的作文修改能力，提高学生的写作能力。
一、读改
怎样进行读改呢？“读”的形式可以是多样化的，大体有三种形式：
1、“默读”——一以体味自己的作文的立意，选材，结构，语言各方面的“滋味”，有没有不对味的地方，尽量按照自己的语文水平挑作文的毛病，然后按照下面的所说的办法删，增，改。
2、“朗读”，像读别人的文章那样去读。通过朗读，我们会感觉到自己作文语言“上口不对下口”一般来说，读起来不上口“别扭”，那一定有毛病。
3、“对读”。把作文写好后，念给家长，同学听或者请同学看，请他们帮着找找毛病。他们会提出：意思没有表达清楚或者是叙述的不够具体的地方来，有利于我们发现自己发现不了的缺点。
二、批改
课标提出“要引导通过学生的自改和互改，取长补短，促进相互了解和合作，共同提高写作水平”，因此，自改和互改至关重要。
1、教师批，学生改
“教师批”是指教师在认真阅读学生作文的过程中，发现需要修改之处做上各种符号或加以眉批，发现妙词佳句加以鼓励。“学生改”是指学生细心体会教师所画的符号，所加的眉批，根据教师做的批注认真地加以修改。我在作文教学中按此方法，批、改分离，以批促改，收到了很好的成果。
2、互批互改。
组成三人或四人批改小组，选择一个学生的作文互相讨论，共同修改。学生积极评议，同学之间互相影响，促进修改作文能力的提高。
3、面批面改。
面批是作文教学中最典型的因材施教的方式，是学生最愿意接受的一种批改方法，它沟通直接，突出反馈的作用，能帮助学生辨析习作中的正误，为自己修改作文提供依据。对学生作文中存在的个别性问题宜采用面批的方法。通过亲切交谈，了解作文内容的真实性，对于写作文相对困难的学生，一边启发、一边引导学生自己修改。为培养学生修改作文能力打下良好的基础。
通过读改和批改，不但能培养学生修改作文能力，而且还能有效提高学生写作能力，也是培养学生主动学习的一种有效方式，是实施素质教育的具体体现。作为语文教师，一定要培养好学生修改作文的能力。
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