大话西游英语剧本

第一篇：大话西游英语剧本

大话西游英语剧本 Site：The wedding Characters:牛魔王、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Bull King is going to have a concubine.牛：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha …….妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it? 牛：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)牛：Let me introduce my brother to you!My bro!Come here!This is my brother.(牛深情地转向紫霞)牛：Zixia, listen to me.I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.妖：I object!牛：What? 妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!至：What’s this? Really? 妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.(剑从至的怀中落下)妖：Magic Sword? 牛：Let me do this!(紫跑出，拾剑)紫：It’s not true!It’s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!(紫跑下)妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛：Aaa……(牛惊慌地跑下)Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden…… Chapter 2 Site: Bull King’s back garden Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞

（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）至：Why are you hiding here?(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!至：You should kill me!Kill me!I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.I left regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.‚I love you‛.If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）紫：What can you tell your wife? 至：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I …… 紫：I help you!至：No, it’s dangerous!紫：You don’t want to? 至：I do!But ……

紫：I trust you!I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.(猪喊)至：Let me do something to my boss first.See you tonight.（依依不舍）

Aside: The night …… Chapter 3 Site: Dungeon Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧 猪和沙：Master, master(两人同时悄声说)猪：We come to save you.沙：We come to bring you out.唐：I won’t go.猪和沙：Stay here? Why? 唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures.This is because we’re not united enough.So we let the devils do bad to us.That’s fine.This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me;the outside world is just a bigger prison.You go out first.I have something to tell him.(猪和沙下)唐：You come in and have a sit!至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple.I don’t want to be your disciple.Master I know you’re a good guy.Please let me go!唐：Do you know ‚dong , dong, dong ……‛? 至：What is ‚dong, dong, dong‛? 唐：‚dong, dong, dong ……‛ is ……(唐唱Only you)至：Stop.Stop.I can’t take this anymore, please stop …… 唐：Ohoh ……

至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore.Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.唐： Monkey King, you can kill me.Life and death are very minor.When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me.Namonitabhaya …(至跑走)Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes.Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once.He can still see.So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall … Chapter 4 Site: The Hole of Waterfall Characters: 至尊宝、观音

至：Goddess.I’m about to understand your words.I used my eyes to see in the past.What I was dying.I started using my heart to see this world.Then I could see all things clearly.That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart.I felt her sorrow.观：Have you given up all things in human world? 至：Yes!Life and death is just minor!…… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years.What hatred is it? 观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.观：I want to warn you again.After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human.You can’t have human desires anymore.If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller.It’s very uncomfortable.至：OK.观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say? 至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her ‚I love you‛!If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years!

第二篇：大话西游英语剧本[范文]

第一幕

地点：婚礼现场

人物：牛魔王，至尊宝，紫霞，香香，铁扇公主，蛤蟆怪，众小妖 故事：

牛魔王：It’s really a happy day!众妖：why?

牛魔王: Today is my sister’s wedding.and I’m going to have a concubine today.众妖: Concubine? Does your wife agree to it?

牛魔王: That bitch is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame 火焰Mountain.She can do nothing about it!

蛤蟆怪: haha, Bro [brəʊ] Bull, how did you meet your new wife？ 牛魔王: I passed the desert last night, I met a pretty girl there.She’s dying!众妖: Zixia Immortal 蛤蟆怪: Good, OK, this time.牛魔王: You’ve got a nice name.（至尊宝从后台走入人群中）

牛魔王: Let me introduce my sister and my brother-in –law to you.Xiang xiang!My bro!Come here!This is my brother, this is my sister xiangxiang.香香:Hello!Zixia!

紫霞: Can you stay here for your wedding? 至尊宝: I think so.紫霞: What do your wife at home think? 牛魔王: Wife? You know her?(至做尴尬状)

香香：Have you a wife? 至尊宝: just divorced!

香香:I haven’t heard that before!

牛魔王: It’s normal that a man has a dozen of wives.Take it easy.bro, do you think so?

至尊宝: yes, yes…… 牛魔王: Zixia, listen to me.I think I’ve fallen for you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Moonlight’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.众妖: I object!牛魔王: what?

至尊宝: Let me do this!what? what? They are a good match!You can’t object it.蛤蟆怪: Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shut up!至尊宝: what’s this? really?

蛤蟆怪: this test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.（剑从至的怀中落下）众妖: Magic Sword? 牛魔王: let me do this!(紫跑出，拾剑)

紫霞: it’s not true!it’s just a joke.众妖: A joke?

紫霞: it is still meaningless even if you can put it out!

牛魔王: You sons of bitches, how dare you hang around here? I’m gonna kill the ones who block my way!(铁扇入场)

众妖: King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛魔王: aaa…..（The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……）第二幕

地点：牛魔王后花园

人物：至尊宝，紫霞，牛魔王，铁扇 故事：

（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）至尊宝: why are you hiding here?

（紫抽剑，指向至，两人定格，至走出来，独白）

至尊宝: at this time ,the blade is really close to me ,0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I’ve decided to tell a lie, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!紫霞: I’ll kill you if you come closer!

至尊宝: you should kill me!kill me!I'd found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.I felt regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her three words.“I love you”.If god wanna give me a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years.（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）紫霞: what can you tell your wife?

至尊宝: I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Moonlight’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I….紫霞: I help you!

至尊宝: no, it’s dangerous!紫霞: you don’t want to? 至尊宝: I do!(牛和铁上场)

牛魔王: I can’t hide a woman here!It’s just rumour.铁扇公主: I won’t trust you anymore.(铁转身，对2人)

铁扇公主: What’re you doing here?(2人走近)

铁扇公主: who’s this guy?

铁扇公主: I’m asking you, who’s this guy? 牛魔王: she….Bro, who’ s she? Tell her!至尊宝: aaa..my wife!

牛魔王: ok!Bro, how bad you’re!

铁扇公主: why did you marry your sister to him? 牛魔王: so his wife can’t take this anymore.Kill him.铁扇公主: follow me!I have something to ask you… 紫霞: you’ve got a wife? 牛魔王: we don’t love each other now!

铁扇公主: Explain it to me clearly.What the hell is going on? 至尊宝: I’ve told you, my sister-in-law!铁扇公主: you called me sister-in-law!至尊宝: sorry, madam bull.铁扇公主: when we watched the moon in the past, you called me sweetie.now you get a new lover, you called me madam bull.至尊宝: sweetie?

铁扇公主: do you think I come back for that bull? I come back for you, the heartless monkey!

牛魔王: bro, help me please!至尊宝: It’s none of my business.铁扇公主: you have to come back at midnight, you have to wait for me here.Let’s figure it out.(铁走回，对2人)

铁扇公主: if I were you, I would kill my husband who wanted to get a concubine.牛魔王: really?

铁扇公主: yes!But I must castrate you first.Go!(牛和铁下，至走回，对紫霞)至尊宝: zixia , I…

紫霞: I trust you!I’ll get the Moonlight’s box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.至尊宝: let me do something to my bros first.See you tonight.(紫霞喜，原地转一圈)

第三篇：大话西游剧本

大话西游

Big words of western tour（大话西游）

Chapter 1

Site：The wedding

Characters: Niumo King、Zhizun Monkey、Purple Xia、Little Monster

Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Niumo King is going to have a concubine.N：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha …….L：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?

N：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!

N：Let me introduce my brother to you!My bro!

Come here!This is my brother.N：Purple , listen to me.I think I have fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.L：I object!

N：What?

L：Purple xia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!

Z：What’s this? Really?

L：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.L：Magic Sword?

N：Let me do this!

P：It’s not true!It’s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!

L：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.N：Aaa……

Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……

Chapter 2

Site: Bull King’s back garden

Characters: Zhizun Monkey、Purple xia

Z：Why are you hiding here?

Z：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall in love with me whole-heartedly.Because I have decided to tell lies, I have told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!

P：I’ll kill you if you come closer!

Z：You should kill me!Kill me!I’d found my true love, but I did not treasure her.I left regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to add a time limit to this love , I’ll say 10 thousand years!

P：What can you tell your wife?

Z：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I ……

P：I help you!

Z：No, it’s dangerous!

P：You don’t want to?

Z：I do!But ……

P：I trust you!I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.Chapter3

Site：At midnight purple xia comes to the garden with the box quietly.P:Zhizun monkey,where are you? I bring the box to you.Z: oh I am here.thank you my purple ,i am so grateful that you are willing to take the risk for me.P:I do this because i love you.can i go with you ? Niumo king will not forgive me and i won't stay here any more.Z:I will take you away after I settling all the matter down.wait me!

P : I believe you and I will wait you all the time.please don't leave me alone.Aside:Zhizun monkey leaves and no longer come back.Purple xia realize that she is cheated by him and she is published by niumo king to death at last.Chapter 4

Site :Five hundreds years later, Zhizun monkey come to a city.there is a group of people surround

a building.On the top of the building there are two people.A girl and a boy.They are turn to be the reincarnated Zhizun Monkey and Purple xia.Zhizun monkey is so shocked because the girl is much alike Purple xia.The girl wake the memory of what he has done to Purple.He is so sorry

and shame for it.RZ:I think I shouldn't come.RP:It's too late.RZ:Leave some memories, Ok ? RP:I don't need memory,I want you RZ:You can just get my body,Instead of my spirit.I've got a lover already.We won,'t have good

result.Let go of me.RP:I'll let you go.But you have to kiss me Before you've left.RZ:I'm just a powerless warrior.If kiss you.My image will be ruined.RP:You're lying.You daren't kiss me.Because you still love me.I'm telling you.If you reject me, You will regret for you whole life.RZ:I won't kiss you even if I regret.Its fate Hearing for this, Zhizun monkey decide to help the girl.so he bring a blow and make all the people can't see anything at a moment.Then he possess the boy immediately

RZ:I will stay here for my whole life。I love you。

第四篇：大话西游剧本

Big words of western tour（大话西游）

Chapter 1

Site：The wedding

Characters:牛魔王（以下简称“牛”）、至尊宝（以下简称“至”）紫霞（以下简称“紫”）、小妖（以下简称“妖”）

Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Bull King is going to have a concubine.牛：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha „„.妖：Concubine?

Dose your wife agree to it?

牛：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!

(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

牛：Let me introduce my brother to you!

My bro!

Come here!

This is my brother.(牛深情地转向紫霞)

、牛：Zixia, listen to me.I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.妖：I object!

牛：What?

妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!

至：What’s this? Really?

妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.(剑从至的怀中落下)

妖：Magic Sword?

牛：Let me do this!

(紫跑出，拾剑)

紫：It’s not true!

It’s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!

(紫跑下)

妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛：Aaa„„

(牛惊慌地跑下)

Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden„„

第二章

Chapter 2

Site: Bull King’s back garden

Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞

（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）

至：Why are you hiding here?

(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)

至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!

紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!

至：You should kill me!Kill me!

I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.I left regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!

If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!

（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）

紫：What can you tell your wife?

至：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I „„

紫：I help you!

至：No, it’s dangerous!

紫：You don’t want to?

至：I do!But „„

紫：I trust you!I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.至：Let me do something to my boss first.See you tonight.（依依不舍）

Aside: The night „„

第三章

Chapter 3

Site: Dungeon

Characters: 至尊宝（以下简称“至”）、猪八戒（以下简称“猪”）、、唐僧（以下简称“唐”）

猪：Master, master

(两人同时悄声说)

猪：We come to save you.唐：I won’t go.猪：Stay here? Why?

唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures.This is because we’re not united enough.So we let the devils do bad to us.That’s fine.This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me;the outside world is just a bigger prison.You go out first.I have something to tell him.(猪下)

唐：You come in and have a sit!

至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple.I don’t want to be your disciple.Master I know you’re a good guy.Please let me go!

唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong „„”?

至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?

唐：“dong, dong, dong „„” is „„

(唐唱Only you)

至：Stop.Stop.I can’t take this anymore, please stop „„

唐：Ohoh „„

至：Damn you, you „ I’ve said I can’t take this anymore.Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.唐： Monkey King, you can kill me.Life and death are very minor.When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me.Namonitabhaya „

(至跑走)

Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King,and he reaches the Spiders’Cave with the Grapes.Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once.He can still see.So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.

第五篇：大话西游剧本

大话西游之月饼宝盒

报幕：从唐僧师徒四人取得真经到现在已经过去一百年，唐朝无论经济，文化都取得了长足的发展，仙界也受到影响，在众仙连续罢工一年以后，玉皇大帝被迫同意仙界自由恋爱，从此以后仙界恋爱之风盛行，当然由此也产生诸多弊端，于是玉皇大帝亲自下令唐僧师徒四人重取新经，由此引发了一些故事。请你欣赏情景喜剧《大话西游之月饼宝盒》

紫霞举剑准备自杀，孙悟空上。

孙：紫霞你这是揍啥，千万别冲动。

紫：（放下剑）我说八戒啊，你大师兄捏，我这都举半天咧，他咋还不来也！

孙：(无语)你啥眼神啊，我揍是，我揍是悟空啊！

紫：（举起剑放孙脖子上）你别过来，你这个负心汉，过来我揍自杀！孙：（慢慢往前走）要死杂俩死在一起呗

紫：死，死之前我也得先杀喽你（剑放在悟空肩膀了）孙一单膝下跪后接一大段话，期间偷偷用眼药水往眼睛上滴 紫剑落地

孙：亲爱叠，我们要永远生活在一起

紫：那亲爱叠，你愿意晚上陪我看午夜凶灵吗

孙：我可不看，你知道我害怕看恐怖片咧，我最怕鬼咧 紫：那你愿意陪我看新《环珠格格》呗

孙：快拉倒呗，那不也是恐怖片吗，比午夜凶铃还恐怖捏 紫：（拿出剃须刀）那你愿意每天早上起来给我刮胡子吗

孙：（后退一下，惊讶）你还有胡子，（坚定决心）我愿意，（用手打开形状给紫刮胡子，一会停下）哎，（无奈）但是我必须完成现在的工作我们才能在一起，玉皇大帝内小子让我们重取西经，不管吃，不管住，不管接，不管送，还让我们把住过宾馆的一次性牙膏，牙刷毛巾都给他带回来。哎，要是有月饼宝盒，我很快揍会回来咧，可惜月饼宝盒已经被牛魔王从天堂拍卖那给买走咧

紫：亲爱的，我有办法，牛一直想要娶我做小妾，只要我假意从了他，他一定会给我叠

孙：不中，内样忒危险咧

紫：为喽爱情，我一定会把钻石戒指给拿回来 孙：（无奈）是月饼宝盒

紫：我一定把钻石戒指和月饼宝盒一起带回来 孙:(擦汗)那交给你咧 紫，蹦蹦跳跳下去

孙看着紫下去，表情由哀变喜，起身拍身上土，拿出手机：师傅，是我，啥八戒也，八戒还没从高老庄回来捏，我是悟空啊，跟你说昂，你给我说的办法忒好使咧，已经搞定咧，不过，为了这工作我都牺牲色相咧，下个月必须给我涨工资，今儿中午揍草原红吧，医生告诉我，让我少吃素（说着退场）

第二幕

唐僧上：贫僧姓唐名僧，网名三藏，从东土大堂而来，去往西天拜佛求经，一路上风餐露宿，普度众生，救死扶生，顺便维护世界和平

看见报幕员，唐：女施主，我看你年轻漂亮，不不不，是骨骼奇特，我看你定与我佛有缘，能不能告诉我你的星座，血型，身高，体重，QQ和电话号，还有你的择偶条件，来来来，我先给你看看手相，伸手抓报幕员的手，这时，两小妖上

妖：唐僧，我们终于抓到你了，快，放开那个老头 小妖把报幕员要拉走，报：我只是报幕的 妖：唐僧还管报幕了，还反了你了，带走 唐僧从后拍小妖肩膀：施主，我才是唐僧 妖：躲开，躲开，哪有这么难看的唐僧 唐：我有身份证

妖：（看看身份证），姓唐名僧，河北唐山人，还是河北联合大学毕业的，别说，把脸挡上还真有点像，好，把他带走

唐：女施主，我们常联系，我的电话是，132****

妖：闭嘴闭嘴 下一幕

妖：老大，我们把唐僧抓回来了

假牛魔上，晃着肌肉：哪呢哪呢，哈哈，辛苦你们了，真牛魔王上，把假的推到一边去：跑龙套的走那么靠前干什么，跟这抢镜头来咧（到唐前）这就是唐僧吗，怎么脸上还有马赛克

妖：大王，看唐僧得用东西把脸挡住

牛：（用手挡上）还真是唐僧，亲爱的，快来啊，我把唐僧抓住了 紫上，牛：亲爱的，吃了唐僧的肉我们就可以长生不老了 紫：我不吃唐僧的肉，我就要月光宝盒，牛(把紫的到一边)：亲爱的，你不知道，吃了唐僧的肉不但可以长生不老，还可以提神醒脑，止咳化谈，最重要的还以美容养颜，而且吃多了还不会胖

紫：（偷偷看了眼唐僧）那我来一小碗吧

唐：我天天和一只猴还有一头猪在一块，吃了我你们不怕得猪瘟，猴流感吗，我告诉你们，早上出门的时候我还喝了三鹿的奶粉呢

妖：(打唐僧)闭嘴闭嘴 牛：一会拉下去炖了

另一个妖上来：大王，不好了，观音带着天兵天将来了

牛：啊，观音肯定是为唐僧而来，既然带天兵天将来了，今天肯定会大干一场，出来吧，我的千军万马球

两小妖上，站在牛身后，牛回头：怎么就你们两个 妖：老大，你不是叫我们呢吗，我叫千军，他叫万马 牛：完了，今天输定了

妖：老大，没事，观音也只带了两个人，一个叫天兵，一个叫天将 观音上：牛哥哥，好久不见了

（悟空扮其中一个天兵），紫上去拉住天兵的手：亲爱的，你怎么在这 天兵：导演说缺人，我来替演一下天兵，现在我们不认识啊，紫：哦哦哦，（快速退回）

牛：观音大师，今天你带着天兵天将来，究竟是什么意思

观音上来：我听铁扇妹妹说，你打算娶个小妾，我今天就是来看看这个小妾长什么样子（走向唐）你怎么找了个这么难看的小妾，她比铁扇妹妹好吗，她比我好吗

众人汗

唐：观音姐姐，又没戴眼镜吧，我是唐僧啊，那边的才是小妾 观音：（往前凑了凑）原来是小三啊，你怎么在这

唐：姐姐，他们要吃我，你快救救我吗，要是我死了，下回你们三缺一就找不到人了

观音：今天有正事，你的事以后再说（转向牛）既然今天铁扇妹妹叫我来了，你就不能娶这个小妾

牛：好，既然话不投机，我们就动手吧（亮相）

观音：哎，我们两个仙家动手，启不让人家笑话，不如这样，我们各找一个小弟，让他们来比试，定输赢，怎么样

牛：观音大师说的果然有理

两人各挑选择一个小弟 牛：赢了给你一碗唐僧的肉汤虽喝，观音：赢了回去给你涨工资

所有有给两个人放松肌肉

两人开始比赛（三种形式选一，慢镜头比武，抢答，辩论）观音方胜利

观音：牛哥，愿赌服输，你不会反悔吧

牛：哎，输了就输了，放心的，我不会反悔的（踢小妖）笨蛋，回去给我洗袜子去，（小妖一脸恐惧，拿刀自尽了）

牛：观音大师，今天来了，就在这吃晚饭吧，观音：好啊，吃什么

牛向唐瞟了一眼，众人转头看唐

唐：你们不要吃我，我吃了硫磺熏的土豆，瘦肉精的猪肉，黑心豆芽，还有有毒的韭菜

妖：闭嘴闭嘴

牛：拖下去，先洗胃，洗完了整个炖，端上来的时候记得把脸给挡上！！