第一篇：大话西游剧本
【Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……】 Chapter 2 Site: Bull King‟s back garden Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）至：Why are you hiding here?(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I‟ve decided to tell lies, I‟ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!紫：I‟ll kill you if you come closer!至：You should kill me!Kill me!I‟d found my best love, but I didn‟t treasure her.I left regretful after that.It‟s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don‟t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to give a time limit, I‟ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）紫：What can you tell your wife? 至：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora‟s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can‟t get the box back.I …… 紫：I help you!至：No, it‟s dangerous!紫：You don‟t want to? 至：I do!But ……
紫：I trust you!I‟ll get the Pandora‟s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.(猪喊)至：Let me do something to my boss first.See you tonight.（依依不舍）
Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden…… Chapter 2 Site: Bull King‟s back garden Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）至：你为什么躲在这里啊?(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)至：当时那把剑离我的喉咙只有0.01公分，但是四分之一炷香之后，那把剑的女主人将会彻底地爱上我，因为我决定说一个谎话。虽然本人生平说过无数的谎话，但是这一个我认为是最完美的……
紫霞：你再往前半步我就把你给杀了！
至尊宝：你应该这么做，我也应该死。曾经有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，等我失去的时候我才后悔莫及，人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。你的剑在我的咽喉上割下去吧！不用再犹豫了！如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对那个女孩子说三个字：我爱你。如果非要在这份爱上加上一个期限，我希望是……一万年！
（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）紫霞：那么，你怎么向你娘子交代呢？
至尊宝：一定要交代！所以我一定要拿回那个月光宝盒带你一起回去跟他们说清楚。可是，我痛恨我自己，没有本事拿回那个月光宝盒，我…… 紫：我帮你!至：不，那太危险了!紫：你不想拿回月光宝盒吗? 至：我当然想，但是。。
紫：我相信你!今天晚上就会你拿到月光宝盒，你今晚在这里等我。至：先让我为我师傅做点什么吧.今晚见.（依依不舍）、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、Big words of western tour（大话西游）Chapter 1 Site：The wedding Characters:牛魔王、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖
Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Bull King is going to have a concubine.（翻译下）
牛：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha …….妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
牛：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She‟s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)牛：Let me introduce my brother to you!My bro!Come here!This is my brother.(牛深情地转向紫霞)牛：Zixia, listen to me.I think I „ve fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora‟s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.妖：I object!牛：What? 妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!至：What‟s this? Really? 妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.(剑从至的怀中落下)妖：Magic Sword? 牛：Let me do this!(紫跑出，拾剑)紫：It‟s not true!It‟s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!(紫跑下)妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛：Aaa……(牛惊慌地跑下)牛：今天是我的婚礼，我就要有一个小老婆了，哈哈哈！妖：小老婆?您的夫人同意您这么做吗？
牛：噢!她已经不再美丽了.她现在还在火焰山.她对这件事可没办法。(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)牛：让我为你介绍我的兄弟!兄弟，到这儿来！这是我的兄弟！(牛深情地转向紫霞)牛：紫霞，实不相瞒，经过这两天朝夕相处，我发觉我已经深深地爱上了你，为了表示对你的诚意，我当着这么多兄弟面前向你求婚，这个月光宝盒是我送给你的定情信物，希望你能嫁给我！我反对这门亲事！牛魔王：啊？你说什么
蛤蟆精：紫霞仙子择偶是有一个规矩的，如果大哥你能做得到的话，我们就心服口服！蛤蟆精：她曾经发过誓啊，如果谁能把紫青宝剑拔出鞘的话呢，就是她的如意郎君！至尊宝：啊？！(剑从至的怀中落下)群妖：啊？紫青宝剑！牛魔王：让我来！
(紫跑出，拾剑)紫：没有这种事。这个只不过是我跟大家开的一个玩笑.即使你让它出鞘了也没有任何意义(紫跑下)妖：大王，铁扇公主回来了 牛：啊！(牛惊慌地跑下)、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、Chapter 3 Site: Dungeon Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧 猪和沙：Master, master(两人同时悄声说)猪：We come to save you.沙：We come to bring you out.唐：I won‟t go.猪和沙：Stay here? Why? 唐：There‟re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures.This is because we‟re not united enough.So we let the devils do bad to us.That‟s fine.This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me;the outside world is just a bigger prison.You go out first.I have something to tell him.(猪和沙下)唐：You come in and have a sit!至：To be honest, I‟m not your disciple.I don‟t want to be your disciple.Master I know you‟re a good guy.Please let me go!唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”? 至：What is “dong, dong, dong”? 唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……(唐唱Only you)至：Stop.Stop.I can‟t take this anymore, please stop …… 唐：Ohoh ……
至：Damn you, you … I‟ve said I can‟t take this anymore.Don‟t disturb or I‟ll kill you.唐： Monkey King, you can kill me.Life and death are very minor.When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me.Namonitabhaya …(至跑走)Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form.the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders‟ Cave with the Grapes.Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who‟s cut open won‟t die at once.He can still see.So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.After the Monkey King‟s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall … Aside: The night …… Chapter 3 Site: Dungeon Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧 猪和沙：师傅，师傅(两人同时悄声说)猪：我们来救你了 沙：我们来带你出去 唐：我不走
猪和沙：留在这里？为什么啊
唐：我们师徒四人这次取西经可以说是困难重重，原因是我们不同心协力，所以被妖魔得逞。既然是这样，我在这监狱里跟在外面有什么分别呢？外面对我来说只不过是个大一点的监狱。你们先出去，我有话跟对大师兄说。.(猪和沙下)唐：你进来坐吧。
至：坦白说，我不是你的徒弟，我更不想是你的徒弟！大师，你慈悲为怀，你就放了我一马吧，好吧？ 唐僧：你知不知道什么是铛铛铛铛铛铛？ 至尊宝：什么铛铛铛？ 唐僧：铛得铛铛铛铛铛，就是
(唐唱Only you)至：停下来，我真的不行啊，我跟你说……
僧：On--On--！
至尊宝：该死的！你有完没完啊，你再On我就杀了你！
唐： 悟空，你尽管杀了我吧，生又何哀，死又何苦，等你明白了舍生取义，你自然会回来跟我唱这首歌的！喃呒阿弥陀佛、喃呒阿弥陀佛、喃呒阿弥陀佛……(至跑走)、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、Chapter 4 Site: The Hole of Waterfall Characters: 至尊宝、观音
至：Goddess.I‟m about to understand your words.I used my eyes to see in the past.What I was dying.I started using my heart to see this world.Then I could see all things clearly.That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart.I felt her sorrow.观：Have you given up all things in human world? 至：Yes!Life and death is just minor!…… But I don‟t understand why can human‟s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years.What hatred is it? 观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.观：I want to warn you again.After wearing the gold ring, you‟re no longer a normal human.You can‟t have human desires anymore.If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller.It‟s very uncomfortable.至：OK.观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say? 至：I had had found my best love, but I didn‟t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It‟s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years!至尊宝：观音大士，我开始明白你说的话了，以前我看事物是用肉眼去看。但是在我死去的那一刹那，我开始用心眼去看这个世界，所有的事物真的可以看得前所未有的那么清楚……原来那个女孩子在我的心里面流下了一滴眼泪，我完全可以感受到当时她是多么地伤心…… 观音：尘世间的事你不再留恋了吗？
至尊宝：没关系啦，生亦何哀，死亦何苦…不过我真的不明白，恨一个人可以十年、五十年甚至五百年这样恨下去，为什么仇恨可以大到这种地步呢？
观音：所以唐三藏去取西经他就是想指望这本经书去化解人世间的仇恨。至尊宝：好的，我会留在这里，这里有许多事情等着我去做。
观音：我要再提醒你一次，金箍戴上之后你再也不是个凡人，人世间的情欲不能再沾半点。如果动心这个金箍就会在你头上越收越紧，苦不堪言！至尊宝：听到！
观音：在戴上这个金箍之前，你还有什么话想说？
至尊宝：曾经有一份真诚的爱情摆在我的面前，但是我没有珍惜。等到了失去的时候才后悔莫及，尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。如果上天可以给我一个机会再来一次的话，我会跟那个女孩子说“我爱她”。如果非要 把这份爱加上一个期限，我希望是一万年！、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、、
第二篇：大话西游剧本
大话西游
Big words of western tour（大话西游）
Chapter 1
Site：The wedding
Characters: Niumo King、Zhizun Monkey、Purple Xia、Little Monster
Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Niumo King is going to have a concubine.N：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha …….L：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
N：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!
N：Let me introduce my brother to you!My bro!
Come here!This is my brother.N：Purple , listen to me.I think I have fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.L：I object!
N：What?
L：Purple xia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!
Z：What’s this? Really?
L：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.L：Magic Sword?
N：Let me do this!
P：It’s not true!It’s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!
L：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.N：Aaa……
Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……
Chapter 2
Site: Bull King’s back garden
Characters: Zhizun Monkey、Purple xia
Z：Why are you hiding here?
Z：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall in love with me whole-heartedly.Because I have decided to tell lies, I have told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!
P：I’ll kill you if you come closer!
Z：You should kill me!Kill me!I’d found my true love, but I did not treasure her.I left regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to add a time limit to this love , I’ll say 10 thousand years!
P：What can you tell your wife?
Z：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I ……
P：I help you!
Z：No, it’s dangerous!
P：You don’t want to?
Z：I do!But ……
P：I trust you!I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.Chapter3
Site：At midnight purple xia comes to the garden with the box quietly.P:Zhizun monkey,where are you? I bring the box to you.Z: oh I am here.thank you my purple ,i am so grateful that you are willing to take the risk for me.P:I do this because i love you.can i go with you ? Niumo king will not forgive me and i won't stay here any more.Z:I will take you away after I settling all the matter down.wait me!
P : I believe you and I will wait you all the time.please don't leave me alone.Aside:Zhizun monkey leaves and no longer come back.Purple xia realize that she is cheated by him and she is published by niumo king to death at last.Chapter 4
Site :Five hundreds years later, Zhizun monkey come to a city.there is a group of people surround
a building.On the top of the building there are two people.A girl and a boy.They are turn to be the reincarnated Zhizun Monkey and Purple xia.Zhizun monkey is so shocked because the girl is much alike Purple xia.The girl wake the memory of what he has done to Purple.He is so sorry
and shame for it.RZ:I think I shouldn't come.RP:It's too late.RZ:Leave some memories, Ok ? RP:I don't need memory,I want you RZ:You can just get my body,Instead of my spirit.I've got a lover already.We won,'t have good
result.Let go of me.RP:I'll let you go.But you have to kiss me Before you've left.RZ:I'm just a powerless warrior.If kiss you.My image will be ruined.RP:You're lying.You daren't kiss me.Because you still love me.I'm telling you.If you reject me, You will regret for you whole life.RZ:I won't kiss you even if I regret.Its fate Hearing for this, Zhizun monkey decide to help the girl.so he bring a blow and make all the people can't see anything at a moment.Then he possess the boy immediately
RZ:I will stay here for my whole life。I love you。
第三篇：大话西游剧本
Big words of western tour（大话西游）
Chapter 1
Site：The wedding
Characters:牛魔王（以下简称“牛”）、至尊宝（以下简称“至”）紫霞（以下简称“紫”）、小妖（以下简称“妖”）
Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Bull King is going to have a concubine.牛：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha „„.妖：Concubine?
Dose your wife agree to it?
牛：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She’s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!
(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)
牛：Let me introduce my brother to you!
My bro!
Come here!
This is my brother.(牛深情地转向紫霞)
、牛：Zixia, listen to me.I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.妖：I object!
牛：What?
妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!
至：What’s this? Really?
妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.(剑从至的怀中落下)
妖：Magic Sword?
牛：Let me do this!
(紫跑出，拾剑)
紫：It’s not true!
It’s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!
(紫跑下)
妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛：Aaa„„
(牛惊慌地跑下)
Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden„„
第二章
Chapter 2
Site: Bull King’s back garden
Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞
（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）
至：Why are you hiding here?
(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)
至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!
紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!
至：You should kill me!Kill me!
I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.I left regretful after that.It’s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate!
If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!
（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）
紫：What can you tell your wife?
至：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora’s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back.I „„
紫：I help you!
至：No, it’s dangerous!
紫：You don’t want to?
至：I do!But „„
紫：I trust you!I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.至：Let me do something to my boss first.See you tonight.（依依不舍）
Aside: The night „„
第三章
Chapter 3
Site: Dungeon
Characters: 至尊宝（以下简称“至”）、猪八戒（以下简称“猪”）、、唐僧（以下简称“唐”）
猪：Master, master
(两人同时悄声说)
猪：We come to save you.唐：I won’t go.猪：Stay here? Why?
唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures.This is because we’re not united enough.So we let the devils do bad to us.That’s fine.This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me;the outside world is just a bigger prison.You go out first.I have something to tell him.(猪下)
唐：You come in and have a sit!
至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple.I don’t want to be your disciple.Master I know you’re a good guy.Please let me go!
唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong „„”?
至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?
唐：“dong, dong, dong „„” is „„
(唐唱Only you)
至：Stop.Stop.I can’t take this anymore, please stop „„
唐：Ohoh „„
至：Damn you, you „ I’ve said I can’t take this anymore.Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.唐： Monkey King, you can kill me.Life and death are very minor.When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me.Namonitabhaya „
(至跑走)
Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King,and he reaches the Spiders’Cave with the Grapes.Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once.He can still see.So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.
第四篇：大话西游剧本
大话西游之月饼宝盒
报幕：从唐僧师徒四人取得真经到现在已经过去一百年，唐朝无论经济，文化都取得了长足的发展，仙界也受到影响，在众仙连续罢工一年以后，玉皇大帝被迫同意仙界自由恋爱，从此以后仙界恋爱之风盛行，当然由此也产生诸多弊端，于是玉皇大帝亲自下令唐僧师徒四人重取新经，由此引发了一些故事。请你欣赏情景喜剧《大话西游之月饼宝盒》
紫霞举剑准备自杀，孙悟空上。
孙：紫霞你这是揍啥，千万别冲动。
紫：（放下剑）我说八戒啊，你大师兄捏，我这都举半天咧，他咋还不来也！
孙：(无语)你啥眼神啊，我揍是，我揍是悟空啊！
紫：（举起剑放孙脖子上）你别过来，你这个负心汉，过来我揍自杀！孙：（慢慢往前走）要死杂俩死在一起呗
紫：死，死之前我也得先杀喽你（剑放在悟空肩膀了）孙一单膝下跪后接一大段话，期间偷偷用眼药水往眼睛上滴 紫剑落地
孙：亲爱叠，我们要永远生活在一起
紫：那亲爱叠，你愿意晚上陪我看午夜凶灵吗
孙：我可不看，你知道我害怕看恐怖片咧，我最怕鬼咧 紫：那你愿意陪我看新《环珠格格》呗
孙：快拉倒呗，那不也是恐怖片吗，比午夜凶铃还恐怖捏 紫：（拿出剃须刀）那你愿意每天早上起来给我刮胡子吗
孙：（后退一下，惊讶）你还有胡子，（坚定决心）我愿意，（用手打开形状给紫刮胡子，一会停下）哎，（无奈）但是我必须完成现在的工作我们才能在一起，玉皇大帝内小子让我们重取西经，不管吃，不管住，不管接，不管送，还让我们把住过宾馆的一次性牙膏，牙刷毛巾都给他带回来。哎，要是有月饼宝盒，我很快揍会回来咧，可惜月饼宝盒已经被牛魔王从天堂拍卖那给买走咧
紫：亲爱的，我有办法，牛一直想要娶我做小妾，只要我假意从了他，他一定会给我叠
孙：不中，内样忒危险咧
紫：为喽爱情，我一定会把钻石戒指给拿回来 孙：（无奈）是月饼宝盒
紫：我一定把钻石戒指和月饼宝盒一起带回来 孙:(擦汗)那交给你咧 紫，蹦蹦跳跳下去
孙看着紫下去，表情由哀变喜，起身拍身上土，拿出手机：师傅，是我，啥八戒也，八戒还没从高老庄回来捏，我是悟空啊，跟你说昂，你给我说的办法忒好使咧，已经搞定咧，不过，为了这工作我都牺牲色相咧，下个月必须给我涨工资，今儿中午揍草原红吧，医生告诉我，让我少吃素（说着退场）
第二幕
唐僧上：贫僧姓唐名僧，网名三藏，从东土大堂而来，去往西天拜佛求经，一路上风餐露宿，普度众生，救死扶生，顺便维护世界和平
看见报幕员，唐：女施主，我看你年轻漂亮，不不不，是骨骼奇特，我看你定与我佛有缘，能不能告诉我你的星座，血型，身高，体重，QQ和电话号，还有你的择偶条件，来来来，我先给你看看手相，伸手抓报幕员的手，这时，两小妖上
妖：唐僧，我们终于抓到你了，快，放开那个老头 小妖把报幕员要拉走，报：我只是报幕的 妖：唐僧还管报幕了，还反了你了，带走 唐僧从后拍小妖肩膀：施主，我才是唐僧 妖：躲开，躲开，哪有这么难看的唐僧 唐：我有身份证
妖：（看看身份证），姓唐名僧，河北唐山人，还是河北联合大学毕业的，别说，把脸挡上还真有点像，好，把他带走
唐：女施主，我们常联系，我的电话是，132****
妖：闭嘴闭嘴 下一幕
妖：老大，我们把唐僧抓回来了
假牛魔上，晃着肌肉：哪呢哪呢，哈哈，辛苦你们了，真牛魔王上，把假的推到一边去：跑龙套的走那么靠前干什么，跟这抢镜头来咧（到唐前）这就是唐僧吗，怎么脸上还有马赛克
妖：大王，看唐僧得用东西把脸挡住
牛：（用手挡上）还真是唐僧，亲爱的，快来啊，我把唐僧抓住了 紫上，牛：亲爱的，吃了唐僧的肉我们就可以长生不老了 紫：我不吃唐僧的肉，我就要月光宝盒，牛(把紫的到一边)：亲爱的，你不知道，吃了唐僧的肉不但可以长生不老，还可以提神醒脑，止咳化谈，最重要的还以美容养颜，而且吃多了还不会胖
紫：（偷偷看了眼唐僧）那我来一小碗吧
唐：我天天和一只猴还有一头猪在一块，吃了我你们不怕得猪瘟，猴流感吗，我告诉你们，早上出门的时候我还喝了三鹿的奶粉呢
妖：(打唐僧)闭嘴闭嘴 牛：一会拉下去炖了
另一个妖上来：大王，不好了，观音带着天兵天将来了
牛：啊，观音肯定是为唐僧而来，既然带天兵天将来了，今天肯定会大干一场，出来吧，我的千军万马球
两小妖上，站在牛身后，牛回头：怎么就你们两个 妖：老大，你不是叫我们呢吗，我叫千军，他叫万马 牛：完了，今天输定了
妖：老大，没事，观音也只带了两个人，一个叫天兵，一个叫天将 观音上：牛哥哥，好久不见了
（悟空扮其中一个天兵），紫上去拉住天兵的手：亲爱的，你怎么在这 天兵：导演说缺人，我来替演一下天兵，现在我们不认识啊，紫：哦哦哦，（快速退回）
牛：观音大师，今天你带着天兵天将来，究竟是什么意思
观音上来：我听铁扇妹妹说，你打算娶个小妾，我今天就是来看看这个小妾长什么样子（走向唐）你怎么找了个这么难看的小妾，她比铁扇妹妹好吗，她比我好吗
众人汗
唐：观音姐姐，又没戴眼镜吧，我是唐僧啊，那边的才是小妾 观音：（往前凑了凑）原来是小三啊，你怎么在这
唐：姐姐，他们要吃我，你快救救我吗，要是我死了，下回你们三缺一就找不到人了
观音：今天有正事，你的事以后再说（转向牛）既然今天铁扇妹妹叫我来了，你就不能娶这个小妾
牛：好，既然话不投机，我们就动手吧（亮相）
观音：哎，我们两个仙家动手，启不让人家笑话，不如这样，我们各找一个小弟，让他们来比试，定输赢，怎么样
牛：观音大师说的果然有理
两人各挑选择一个小弟 牛：赢了给你一碗唐僧的肉汤虽喝，观音：赢了回去给你涨工资
所有有给两个人放松肌肉
两人开始比赛（三种形式选一，慢镜头比武，抢答，辩论）观音方胜利
观音：牛哥，愿赌服输，你不会反悔吧
牛：哎，输了就输了，放心的，我不会反悔的（踢小妖）笨蛋，回去给我洗袜子去，（小妖一脸恐惧，拿刀自尽了）
牛：观音大师，今天来了，就在这吃晚饭吧，观音：好啊，吃什么
牛向唐瞟了一眼，众人转头看唐
唐：你们不要吃我，我吃了硫磺熏的土豆，瘦肉精的猪肉，黑心豆芽，还有有毒的韭菜
妖：闭嘴闭嘴
牛：拖下去，先洗胃，洗完了整个炖，端上来的时候记得把脸给挡上！！
第五篇：英文版——大话西游剧本。
人物：T唐僧S孙悟空Z猪八戒S沙僧B白骨精N哪吒 第一幕
（背景：三打白骨精后孙悟空爱上白骨精，但始终未将恋情公开，总是私下约会）
（两人同时从舞台两边往中间走并说台词，背景音乐：上海滩）B：Monkey brother！（说三遍）S：Jing jing sister！（说三遍）S：What were you doing in Sanya？ B：To see the snow！
S：WOW!It must be very beautiful！！Do you make snow man for me？ B：Yes of course。Because I love you。Do you love me？ S：Of course，too。I love you forever。B：Why not you tell your master the truth？
S：Because I have no money no house no car and Bible。Do you want to waiting for me？ B: e……
(孙手机响了，接电话时立刻抛到一边，音乐：金箍棒，电话里传来师傅的声音)T：What are you doing？（东北口气）I am hungry!Come back soon.S:haiyi（立刻绷直身子）B：What are you doing？ S：Sweetheart I must go now!
B:If you want to go and never come back.Heng！(二人相视僵持一秒)（慢慢转身，但未舍得离开，白骨精见其转身伤心离去）（背景音乐：天空之城）
第二幕
（沙僧八戒唐僧把行李放在旁边席地而坐，悟空回来了）T：A mi tuo fo!Ba jie do you know where we are now? S:Ba jie map!(猪八戒逃出来递给孙悟空，孙悟空递给唐僧)Look!master.T：Ba jie how many times I have told you?Not bring these pictures of girls with you!(看了一眼照片)WOW！Such a beautiful girl!(横了一眼八戒)But！I told you many times!Color is nothing,nothing is color!Map!Z：(八戒递过去)We have arrived in White Tiger mountain.I am hungry I want eat something.S:(揪猪的耳朵)Yellow pig!T:(唐僧沙僧相识一眼，一起说)Actually,We are hungry too.Z：Look,master is hungry too.T:Don’t forget you eat all（语气拉长）my KFC.S:OK, I will go right now。（无奈的叹气）(悟空做一个动作)Come on my 360 little monkeys。
（随后胸口贴着绿色360标志的圆形贴纸的四个人上场围着三个人，随后悟空走了。)（此时三人开始玩斗地主，背景音乐：斗地主。假装玩一会，几个人随便说几句，例：PASS。）
旁白：After fight with monkey.Jingjing is veru angry.So she decides to tell Tangseng the truth by herself（白骨精上场妩媚点，扭扭屁股。）B：（悄悄靠近他们,叉缝看）Can I join you？ T:I am sorry lady.Three people are enough.BG:(在一旁观看猪八戒的牌说)Oh。Chance!Bump！Z：Bump?(打出一张牌)。T：Double king!Z：Oh my god!I win!Meimei！You are my lucky star。Can you join us？（谄媚状）
（这时360要伸手拦截，猪八戒拍开其中一个手，白骨精进来了。）Z：Open open!Let this beautiful meimei come in！(360低头故障退场。）Z：Meimei，how old are you？ B：You guess（娇羞状）
旁白：Tang seng find something wrong,So he call Nezha,（唐僧发现端倪，唐僧做徘徊状掏出手机退出，此时猪八戒白骨精沙僧打牌，唐僧给哪吒打电话）N:Hey what’s up man(长音)（嘻哈状）
T：A Zha ya（贱贱的语气）Long time no see。I have some trouble.I need you help me now.Please come here within 1 min.N: Me wenti a（粤语感觉）
（唐僧回去继续观战，等待哪吒）
N（背景音乐：哪吒，哪吒上场绕他们一周唐僧跑到哪吒旁边小声跟他说，哪吒点头会意）Oh，yellow pig！Let me see see who is this girl（哪吒掏出身后的魔镜，对着白骨精说）Mirror mirror tell me who is this girl。
魔镜（旁白）：This beautiful girl is a monster, Z·S:What?(沙僧下得坐到地上了，戒立刻闪到哪吒那里，八戒腿搭到哪吒身上，唐僧坐那里念经)N：（鄙视的看着八戒）Could you please go away?(八戒立刻退到一边)B：（站起来理直气壮的说）no no no（会说话的猫的语气）I am doing nothing。You could not beat me。
N：（边说边做排山倒海）Shut up I know who you are。Push mountain push sea。
（白骨精倒地，这时悟空回来见此状勃然大怒，手里的东西掉下去了）S：What are you doing nezha!This is my sweetheart.(背景音乐：当)S：(五孔把哪吒打跑，悟空扶起白骨精并说)Jing Jing。Are you ok？ B:(直接扑到猴哥怀里，哪吒退场)I am hurt。
S：I know。I will take you now by plane to huaguo mountain。T：（背景音乐：九品芝麻官喇叭音乐）Wukong，(唐僧停顿一会)only you，can help me get the Bible，only you~~~~。S：oh shit。I hate this song!(带着白骨精退场)
第三幕:抵达西天
（背景音乐：路在何方。如来背对三人，两边站着人，）人1：Big boss said that … 人2：He had be alone for long time.人1：He also said that….人2：If you guys want to get the bible, 人1：You have to touch him。（三人一人唱一首歌）
Z：brother you in the boat，I walk on the bank。We are fall in love and let‘s go S：say go let’s go you go I go together go ah T:twinkle twinkle little star，I believe I can touch you heart。（二人凑到如来跟前商议许久）人1；You are failed！人2：Our boss said。。（悟空和白骨精边唱边上台）BG/S：唱
R：（拍桌转过来，十分激动,背景音乐：中国好声音）I want this voice！It’s true love,you can get the bible.I want you(如来把圣经给了悟空后走了，舞台上此时只有师徒四人及白骨精)
T：Ai。。（叹气）（背景音乐：我心永恒）There is a truth love before me，I don’t cherish.If the god give me a chance I will tell her：I love you。Wukong，you are brave。For love，you can give up everthing。You are right。
（背景音乐：女儿美高潮。女儿国国王上场）T：My queen N：My love。（自由发挥感情）
工作人员上台，此时的队形从左到右依次是白骨精，孙，唐，国王，沙，猪，剩下的依次站开
（音乐起，跳剪刀手舞，先左手后右手
THE END！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
编剧：。
话剧：大爱西游
班级：
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