A Special Memory for me 初三作文点评

第一篇：A Special Memory for me 初三作文点评

A Special Memory for me

1.I have a lot of memories of the past.Some are happy and others are unforgettable.But there is a special memory which occurred when I was five.That day, I was playing in the garden when a helicopter flew over me.I was surprised and asked my mother why the kite was grey in a loud voice.My mother, together with other people who were in the garden, was all laughed.And then my mother explained it to me.Now I think althought I was funny at that time, it’s still good of me to ask questions.So I think never be too shy to ask questions.2.I have a lot of special memories, but the most special memory for me is making a speech in public for the first time.When I was in a primary school.One day, my teacher told me to attend a speech contest.When I heard it , I felt very nervous.It was my first time to make a speech in public.I prepared very carefully.But when I stood on the stage, I was still very nervous.Then I told myself you can do it….A month later, I got the prize.I was really proud of myself.I got the courage from that and I think I will also work hard.3.I have many different memories in my mind which make me happy or sad.But taking a bus to school alone for the first time is a special memory for me.As I was seven, my parents let me go to school myself.I felt terrible at first.But soon I was used to going to school myself.I think it’s special because I learn to be independent from that experience.结尾: It was rewarding and helpful.And it made me know that nothing is impossible if you put all your heart into it.It gives me a special memory.

第二篇：(上海中考)初三英语作文点评

世外初三英语范文点评

优秀习作1上海市世界外国语中学吴思怡

作文题目

“Sow a habit, reap a destiny.” What do you think of habits? What can our habits bring us?Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “Habits”.优秀习作

Good habits are foundations on our way to success, while bad ones get in the way and hold us back.To begin with, good habits help us work more efficiently.If we get into the habit of tidying up our rooms, we will find it easy to obtain the things we need.Moreover, good habits leave others positive impressions.Showing our warm smiles is a habit which enables us to get along with our classmates and teachers well.On the other hand, bad habits can be destructive.Lots of people develop lung cancer just because of their habits of smoking.As you can see, habits really make a difference in our lives.作文评析

本文开门见山陈述观点，说理清晰。能运用举例对比等手法使本文观点更具说服力，如通过整理房间、微笑和吸烟三个习惯的后果正反两方举例，体现出小作者思维的宽度和缜密度。

从语言驾驭能力看，本文句式丰富，语言流畅，既善于活用考纲词组如 “get into the habit of”，又有如“leave others positive impressions”等地道的表达，既有较复杂的主从复合句，又有短小有力的简单句，错落有致，一气呵成。

朱萍

作文题目

Your class would like to make time boxes for people in 2040.You start collecting things today and put them in the boxes.The people in 2040 will be able to compare their life with life now.You also need to write a letter to the people in 2040 introducing one thing in the box.【Oxford 9B Unit 2 Writing】

优秀习作

To the people of 2040,In the box you can find an energy-saving lightbulb.They all come from 2014.By holding the little bulb in your hand, you can sense its smooth, transparent glass-made shell, which is of oval shape.Inside the shell, some metal-made wires tangle with each other in a regular order.This is used to enable electricity to pass through the whole bulb to provide energy.Attach the bulb to a base and then turn on the switch, you’ll find the little bulb lighting up the dark room.Another characteristic of it is that it saves more energy than other kinds of bulbs.So this lightbulb is “green”.We hope this will give you some information about life in 2014.Yours faithfully, Angel

作文评析

此篇作文题来自牛津9B第二单元课后Writing练习，它的内容是向未来2040年的人们写一封信，介绍一件我们这个时代所用的物品。作文题材是学生平时不常操练的说明文。

本文作者选取了节能灯泡作为对象。在描述过程中，她首先对灯泡的外形进行了细致的描写，从光滑、椭圆型的玻璃外壳，到内部互相缠绕在一起的金属丝。继而写到当电流通过，灯泡会照亮房屋的功能。最后还不忘介绍此种灯泡的特殊之处在于比起其它灯泡，它“节能环保”的特点。

全文脉络清晰，描写细腻、形象、生动，句式丰富，语言流畅，衔接自然，结构紧凑。充分体现了作者的语言表达能力，是一篇很好的说明文范例。

包琪瑞

作文题目

Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “The thing that made me angry”.(以“让我生气的事”为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。)Use the following points as a guide:

 What made you angry?

 Describe the thing that made you angry in detail. How did you deal with the situation?

(注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、班级及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。)优秀习作

There are few things in life more annoying than being laughed at.When I failed to solve the question on the blackboard and just stood in front of it without saying a word, I could hear those annoying whispers.This really made a perfectionist like me get angry.But I couldn’t let the anger get me out of control.Instead, I chose to ignore those ironic words and focus on the question.In addition, I decided to work harder after school to get myself improved.Due to all the changes I made, I believe I can avoid being laughed at in the future.作文评析

全文结构清晰，层次分明，衔接流畅。本文从内容来看观点新颖、构思巧妙，以”being laughed at”被动语态的结构体现作者内心的不情愿，紧扣题目中的angry。作者侧重对于第二个问题的回答，以生动、细腻的文笔描写了站在黑板前的心理活动，让人读来有生临其境之感。而在结尾，作者不忘传播一丝正能量，驱赶了这个作文题可能带来的负面情绪。本文的内涵和语言都反映出作者的语言驾驭能力，以开头”There are few things … more … than …”来看，作者有丰富的语言积淀和极强的语言运用能力，因而全篇行文流畅，句式丰富，用词精准。本文值得初三学生学习借鉴。

李婧

作文题目

Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “I like reading ________(detective stories, newspaper, magazines, comic strips, etc.)best.”

Use the following points as a guide:

 What do you like reading best?

 Why do you like reading them best?

 How do they influence your life?

(注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、班级及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。)优秀习作

Magazines, as one form of ways to wisdom, are my favorite.Magazines combine the advantages of all forms of books.They have the diversity of information and at the same time, hold deep thoughts.There is rarely a thing that you can’t find in magazines.Reading magazines has provided me with the opportunity to broaden my horizon, gain knowledge and meanwhile, relax.Since they are more portable than others, you can roll them up and take them with you.In brief, reading magazines has brought laughter and knowledge to my life.I like reading magazines best.作文评析

该篇文章开宗明义，点名文章意图。从内容上看，从杂志包罗万象，开拓读者视野；到杂志放松读者心情；再谈到杂志携带方便可以随时取阅等优点，清晰详实地表达出了作者的观点。文章结尾再次点题，全文简短却简练，切题又精炼。从语言而言，作者具有较强的语言功底，能够熟练运用多样的句式和词组，如meanwhile, since, in brief, provide with等，使文章更富有变化和可读性。语句之间衔接通畅，用词准确自然。词汇量丰富，如wisdom, diversity, opportunity, laughter等。如果文章能在三点优点前用明显的词汇加以区分，如first, furthermore, what’s more等，能使其更加一目了然。

贲方

作文题目

Someone says, “Sow an action, reap a habit;Sow a habit, reap a destiny.” What’s your opinion on this? Please write an article of 60-80 words on the topic “Habits”.有人说：“播种行为，收获习惯；播种习惯，收获命运。”对这种说法你怎么看？请以“习惯”为题写一篇60-80字的作文，谈谈你的观点。

优秀习作

Habits

No one can deny that habits play an important role in our life.Everyone should have good habits and break their bad habits as well.In my opinion, habits can change your living style or standard.For instance, if you are an efficient person, you certainly won’t stay up late.This is a good habit that leads to a healthy life.Obviously, little habits undoubtedly change our life and even our destiny.作文评析

本文语言简练流畅，表达自然。句型句式较多样灵活。

本文开门见山地给出观点:习惯在我们日常生活中占据着非常重要的位置。我们应该养成好习惯改掉坏习惯。之后给出习惯何以重要的理由，并且以举例子的形式来辅助强调好习惯养成的重要性。最后一句总结首尾呼应，再次点题，全文虽短，却流畅通顺，一气呵成。

何怡文

作文题目

John’s friend, Dick, has mixed feelings before studying abroad.He is worried that his English is not good enough and he is too shy to talk with strangers.Also he doesn’t want to leave his friends.Write him an email in at least 60 words to give him some suggestions.优秀习作

Thank you for telling me your problem.Firstly, you should be more outgoing and confident.Learning a foreign language requires you to speak a lot to others.Since you’ll study abroad soon, it’ll be a great opportunity to improve your English.Remember not to be shy.Maybe you can watch some American TV series.That might help you know how people communicate in their daily life.Then you’ll find the confidence in communicating with strangers.Secondly, if you miss your friends here, you can call them and email them as well.The Internet makes it easy to communicate with people in different countries.Thirdly, you should try to be a brave boy.Life is always filled with ups and downs, but you should face all the obstacles bravely.No cross, no crown.I wish you no longer worry about your life there after reading my letter.作文评析

这是一篇有篇幅限制和内容要求的考试作文。它很好地做到了结构整齐，条理清晰的要求。开头直入主题。主体部分以“firstly，secondly，thirdly”这些词汇清晰地亮出三点建议，并且使前后连贯。每一点建议都因为有总起句的概括，以及进一步阐述说明的支撑，而显得层次分明，内容充实而有说服力。语言方面，行文简凝流畅，词汇恰当丰富，句型准确多变，虽然未见很多课外词汇或有难度句型，但是小作者很好地做到了活学活用，这是我们应该推崇的学习意识和习惯。从文章结尾处的句子“Life is always filled with ups and downs, but you should face all the obstacles bravely.No cross, no crown.”，可以看出小作者平时注重了阅读和积累。

张樱

第三篇：作文材料点评及

“一个刚上车的小男孩请公交司机等一等他妈妈。过了一分钟,孩子妈妈还没到，车上乘客开始埋怨，说母子俩耽误了大家时间。这时，那位腿有残疾的母亲一瘸一拐地上了车，所有人都沉默了。”

请根据上述材料，联系现实生活，结合自己的思考，自选角度写一篇不少于700字的文章。要求：①题目自拟，立意自定，文体自选;②不得抄袭，不得套作;③用规范汉字书写 点评1：

西南大学新闻传媒学院院长董小玉点评表示，材料表达的事件虽小，但贴近现实，弘扬了社会主义价值观，展示亲情的可贵、关爱的宝贵，反映了正能量。

浓浓的母子情，刚上车的小男孩为什么等妈妈？因为妈妈残疾，体现了母亲的体贴的关爱，孝心与呵护；乘客最开始抱怨，因为时间很宝贵，但当看到妈妈后车上的人沉默了，体现了可贵的理性，其次，考生们也可以剖析材料的思想，在浮躁的社会环境下，具有鲜明的导向性，沉下来反思社会，体现和谐健康的走向

考生可以从以下点入手：

宽容精神，敬畏生命，道德价值，应保持善良、光明；

平和心态，平和感受生命的温情。

董小玉表示，不容易跑题，但是要写出材料蕴含的深意，需要考生眼观社会，心系社会，考生可从情感性、思辨性入手，做到语言流畅、思维清晰，写出材料的情味道。点评2：

2015年重庆高考语文卷作文题，题目为“等待”，材料短、事件小，可是能够贴近生活、贴近现实，也能够较好地弘扬社会主义的核心价值观；材料中最后写乘客们都沉默了，这足以能表现出宽容、同情、关爱，展示了亲情的可贵、宽容的宝贵、等待的珍贵，真正体现了社会的和谐与温暖，渗透着时代的正能量，宣传着民族的优良传统和道德层面。

本材料可从以下几个角度来做多维立意：

1.乘客角度。他们身上体现出来的是宽容精神。他们停止抱怨，从材料中的美好结局，可以看出，所有的乘客内心都有着一种宽容的“善心”和“爱心”，这是当下社会最需求的。2.男孩角度。亲情是最关键的，孩子央求司机的行为恰是母子拥有爱的家庭的写照。3.生命角度。任何人的生命是平等的，包括残疾人，其生命，都应当得到尊重、爱护、敬畏。4.道德角度。人活着，应当有怜悯之心，保持对善良的渴望。

5.和谐角度。这个材料从侧面揭示了和谐的重要性，提醒生活中的人们，要注重和谐，促进和谐。范文：

等待

生命这一程长路，不能指望孩子一天长大，也很难让生活中的所有误解马上消除，从冲动到冷静，从狭隘到宽容，缓一缓，等一等，冷却原因不明的是非计较，让所有的误会成见都成为对自己胸怀的一种提醒，客观已经那么简单的存在，人生更需要长养的是等一等的智慧和从容。

岁月匆匆，行路也匆匆，人生活的不是一场劳碌，风风火火赶过去，辛辛苦苦一场历练，冷落了美景，闲置了好心情，有些事情等一等，又何妨?让人生的思考有机会沉淀，也减震急于事功的浮躁，面对着生活的如意不如意，不忘当年的素心初衷，生活的脚步慢一点，学会欣赏，学会平常，闲一段流光读清风明月，留一方背影给瓜豆田园。

这茫茫的人海，宽宽的世界，每个人都在学会理解，这世界是大家的存在，而不在于诉说着自己的委屈，忽略了别人的无奈，更不要因为自己的奢望，而拉远了和生活本身的距离，这朴朴素素的生活，把握住内心的厚重与温度，才是生命最大的价值，生活从来也不是一种简单的表达方式和存在形式，每个人走过人海都需要秉持一种善意友好的态度，咀嚼着自己的辛苦，也体谅着别人的不易，自己的艰辛需要自己毫无畏惧的承担，但内心世界也要明明了了，别人的不幸和苦难也并非言过其实，就像这人生，每个人都想活出自己张扬丰富的个性，但迎面走来的、身边同行的也同样是鲜亮温暖的生命。

大事小情一箩筐总是生活的家常便饭，需要用一种态度去面对。心理学上有个现象叫做酝酿效应，给鸡飞狗跳落地的时间，让选择变得更理性，凡事学会放一放，冷一冷。不和闲事较劲，不跟心窄费时间，生活的艺术就是候着尘埃落地的耐性，在决定向左走向右走之前停一停，不急躁，不固执，让选择的理智有机会醒一醒，既然无法陪这个世界到地久天长，那就选择一份豁达与真诚。

人生在旅途，虽然是急匆匆地向前赶，且慢在慌张中做什么决定，对着挫折常懊恼，且慢抱怨多逆缘，相信一切都是最好的选择，相信生活总有峰回路转，?那些人生的温暖总蕴藏在生活的那些不经意间，怎么样的生活才叫幸福，怎么样的生活才叫充实，也就在于这且行且珍惜。

第四篇：作文点评

第7篇《学会等待》

这是一篇难得的考场佳作。文章的成功之处在于它严谨的结构与出色的环境描写。腊梅因为对绽放的执着与等待傲然风雪，“我”因而受到启发，历经人生风雪的时候，不妨学会等待与反思。文章结构一目了然，开篇由雪中的腊梅引发联想，又由腊梅给我的领悟结束全篇。我在寒夜里关上了窗，又因为腊梅倚窗等待。段落之间是跳跃的，却不突兀，这是因为“雪”作文重要的环境描写，贯穿始终。

第9篇《勇往直前》

一类卷。立意富有哲思，选材角度独特、生活气息浓厚却蕴藏小作者的巧妙构思。小作者将叙述抒情的着力点放在了楼道里的那一盆花儿身上，可见他是生活的有心人。就那么一盆不起眼的花儿，小作者注意到它历经风雨最终如约绽放，已经很不容易了，况且还做到了行文有波澜，就更加难得了。最后，以花喻人，“作为初中生的我们„„只有勇往直前，才能迎接更加美好的明天”，点明主题，升华主旨，收得漂亮。

第五篇：作文点评

生活真味让我与众不同

当生活的节奏愈来愈快，当周遭的脚步匆匆离去，当飞逝的流年趋于平静，我不会失意，也不会落寞。时光里流淌过的平凡的感动，生命中闪过的瞬间的美好，让我与众不同。我会在灰色的楼房“森林”里开辟方寸田园，我也会在天寒时拿出温暖心灵的鸡汤，我也会在生活风雨中扬起自信和勇气的帆。

我会清晰地记得，曾闪过眼前的自然之美，缀满露珠的草丛，山间清妙婉转的鸟鸣，潺潺的流水，还有那一次次朝阳升起与夕阳落下时的辉煌……当我被“囚”于楼中，眼前不见绿意时，我并不感到压抑，自然的宁静教会我淡泊，让我与众不同，我会在“沉舟侧畔千帆过，病树前头万木春”中开辟一方心灵田园，细细咀嚼生活之真味。

我也会清晰地记得，幼年坐在外公的自行车上摇摇晃晃趟过的时光，那宽厚的背挡住的风风雨雨。我也记得，每每探望外婆时，踮起脚尖轻叩门环，发出熟悉悦耳的声音，外婆脚步急切地从耳边传来，打开门，迎接我的还是那张盛满笑意的脸。随风扑鼻而来的是外婆熬制多时鸡汤，多少年过去，那鸡汤的味道依然不变。我便在外婆用地道闽南语的招呼下，端起一碗香气浓郁的鸡汤，坐在小院的树荫下细细品尝。妈妈每日不变的唠叨，爸爸风雨无阻接送我上下学，夜晚踮起脚尖为我关窗……原来，幸福就藏在亲人们无微不至的关心里。朴实的亲情让与我众不同，教会我在世态炎凉中保持一颗热忱的心，拥有它，我就不害怕孤独，细细咀嚼生活之真味。

时光不会冲淡我的记忆，曾经向我投来的每一个微笑，每一个默默的鼓励，每一次遭遇挫折后的安慰，成功时的祝福……都让我与众不同，世界给我泪水，我便回报它一个微笑。生活的磨砺，使我淡然，教会我自信而不自负，教会我勇敢而不鲁莽，教会我坚定而不固执。

何谓生活？是每日匆匆忙忙地乘坐公交，还是华灯初上时的繁华喧嚣？纵使周遭的脚步匆匆，但生活的真味，让我与众不同。我会保持一颗热忱的心，善待生命的每一秒钟，细细咀嚼生活之真味。