第一篇：幽默短剧剧本
幽默短剧剧本
一天，老师走进课堂，学生们一齐起立喊：“老师早上好！”
老师愤愤地说：“只叫早上好？那我下午呢？难道就不好了吗？”
于是学生们又一齐喊：“老师下午好！”
老师又愤愤地说：“那我晚上呢？”
学生们又一齐喊：“老师晚上也好！”
老师点点头说道：“这样才行，现在重新喊一遍！”
学生们一齐喊：“老师早上好，下午好，晚上也好！”
老师说道：“坐下！今天我们要复习反义词，我们这样练习，我说一句，你们大声说出反义词。现在开始。”
老师：“今天天气很好。”
学生：“今天天气很坏。”
老师：“到处阳光明媚。”
学生：“到处阴云密布。”
老师：“马路上人山人海。” 学生：“马路上空无一人。”
老师：“年轻。”
学生：“年老。”
老师：“站立。”
学生：“躺倒”
老师：“有个年轻人站立在路上。”
学生：“有个年老人躺倒在路上。”
老师：“我捡到一元钱。”
学生：“我丢了一元钱。”
老师：“我捡到一元钱，交给老师。”
学生：“我丢了一元钱，去偷老师。”
老师：“错误，不能这样说！”
学生：“正确，应该这样说！”
老师：“错误。” 学生：“正确。”
老师：“这不行，这是违法行为！”
学生：“这可以，这是合法行为！” 老师：“我说错误。”
学生：“我们说正确。”
老师：“听老师的，老师说的才是正确！”
学生：“听我们的，老师说的都是错误！” 老师：“你们愚蠢。”
学生：“我们聪明。” 老师：“停止！” 学生：“继续！”
老师：“你们现在停止！别说了！” 学生：“我们现在继续！还要说！” 老师：“你们这些蠢猪，我说停止！” 学生：“我们都是天才，我们说继续！” 老师：“你们听老师的！” 学生：“老师听我们的！” 老师：“学生都得听老师的！” 学生：“老师都得听学生的！” 老师：“现在你们停止练习！”
学生：“现在我们继续练习！” 老师：“你们没完没了了吗？”
学生：“我们有始有终的呀！”
老师：“那你们就停止！蠢猪！”
学生：“那我们该继续！天才！”
....之后老师怒气冲冲地抱着书本走出了教室
丐世无双
时间：不明 地点：某条繁华的大街上 人物：洪七公（H)，乔峰（Q)，跑龙套一人（P)大体事件：两个乞丐在街上偶遇后的一段时间里发生的故事。（出场，手拿饭缸）
H：改革春风吹满地，做个乞丐不容易，低三下四还受气，还有城管来突击！哎，这年头，做个乞丐比大学生找工作还还难呐，这不，刚才城管那帮人又来突击了吗，说我们这些人除了影响市容在也没有别的作用了，小样地，要是我们都没了，你们城管的不都也下岗了吗？再说了，城关的要真把我们带走也行，进去了是既遮风又避雨，还能免费住宿，要吃有吃，要喝有喝，一群人还能在一起唠唠嗑，简直就是我们向往的神仙般的生活。他们可倒好，不仅要没收我的口粮，还要拿走我的饭缸，抢走我辛苦要来的血汗钱，还要赶出我的地盘！要不是逃跑拼了命，肯定是赔了夫人又折兵！总算跑出了他们的搜索范围，先在这歇一会吧，哎，我就在这守缸待钱！（出场，手拿饭缸）
Q：南来的北往的，东跑的西颠的，哥哥姐姐叔叔阿姨好心人可怜一下吧，我家穷人丑，一无所有，穿衣服没袖，取暖靠抖，成天药不离口，这辈子没吃过猪肉。人比筷子瘦，生活过得不如狗。可怜可怜我吧！（一脚踢到了 H的饭缸）
H：哎，你怎么回事呀，你看看，你把我这精致的饭缸给踢掉漆了，你的赔我！
Q：你当你那破饭缸是宝马还是奔驰阿，掉一块漆就要赔偿，你去保险公司要赔偿去吧！H：看你是个穷叫花子，我也不难为你了，你就把你的饭缸再加上那里面的钱给我就行了！Q：看你说的，你瞧你那幅德行吧，咱俩好象是同行吧！我在这条街混迹好几年了，咋从来没见过你呢？你是不是新新新新来的阿？(H转过身，自言自语）
H：难道他是这条街的当家的？我得考考他（转过身）山珍海味萝卜白菜！Q：领导大款学生乞丐！
H：哎呀，大水冲了龙王庙，一家人不认一家人阿。失礼了，给，这是我的片子（掏出名片）Q：不知者无罪，我也有（互换名片）
H：灯红区酒绿街丐帮六十七分舵副总舵主--乔峰，哎呀，久仰久仰！Q：花前区月下街丐帮三十八分舵副总舵主--洪七公，幸惠幸惠！H：来来来，坐
Q：兄弟，你不在你那好好待着怎么跑到我这来了？
H：还不是城管那帮人吗，又来突击大检查，不得已才跑到这来了，你这一上午收入咋样阿？ Q：哎，别提了，一上午才要到这么点，这年头，当乞丐--难！当一个乞丐头目--难1 H：当一个满街乱跑的乞丐头目--难！H&Q：哎
(P上场，手拿蒙牛随变，把包装扔到饭缸里，下场）H：哈，他把你饭缸当垃圾桶了阿！(Q拿过包装添了一口）H：哎，给我留一口阿！
Q：好吃！好几天没开荤了！爽！H：一口全让你吃了，啥滋味阿？ Q：酸酸甜甜就是我！
H：你看现在这包装，多漂亮，你看这俊男靓女，这男的多俊阿！Q：你说你咋这么孤陋寡闻呢，人家这是俩女的，你不认识阿？人家是去年最火的超级女生--何洁和李宇春！
H：我管他什么超级男生超级女生呢，这包装我留下了阿，有奖的，说不定中个500万什么的，这辈子就不用当乞丐了
Q：行，等你中奖了，中了两头奶牛，你就天天喝牛奶吧，洗澡你都用牛奶！（P上场，手拿传单，把一大把传单扔到饭缸中，下场）
H：这小伙挺实惠阿，真会偷懒，他到省事了，这搞传销的都这么狡猾阿？！Q：这么没文化呢，那叫发传单，什么传销！H：阿，发传单销售，简称传销嘛！Q：我看看他们这是卖什么呢 H：你认识字吗？这都拿反了！
Q：我怎么不认识字，我小学就过六级了！H：就你？
Q：拼音六级嘛！不是和你吹，我小学念了八年 H：哟，保送研究生了阿？
Q：看看，耐克阿迪大降价，短裤仅卖二百八！仅卖280阿，一条裤衩够我吃三个月的饭了！H：你看你这消费观念就不行了吧，人家那是名牌，尤其现在的那些大学生，不管日子过得多辛酸，也要把那名牌穿！Q：xx鞋店疯狂大促销，买一送二！H：对，买一双鞋送你两根鞋带！
Q：上名牌家教中介中心，为你提供各科家教，保您的孩子考上名牌大学！
H：你还不知道现在的家教吗？全是大学生，是上课什么也不教，就是和你把磕唠，费用一分也不少，孩子成绩是没提高 Q：不看了，全是虚假广告
H：哎，你说咱们要是也去发传单怎么样，一天也不少挣
Q：你可拉倒吧，就你那形象吧，人家见你躲还来不及呢，哪敢接你的传单阿？
H：我不会包装一下自己嘛，人家都说我长得像周润发，其实我像刘德华。再说是在不行咱就把传单发给咱们的弟兄呗 Q：你可别在那做梦了，这是白天没准到时候挣得还没现在多呢，就像传单上那些作虚假广告的，没准那天就倒闭了，到时候没准成咱们小弟了(P上场，在饭缸里扔一枚硬币，下场）H：thank you very much!Q：哟，你咋说上鸟语了阿？
H：你没看见刚才那个人呀，黄头发，准是个外国人，没准扔进去的是欧元呢！我可不能给咱们中国乞丐丢脸，得表示感谢阿！
Q：那可不一定，现在这年轻人赶时髦，染个头发多正常阿，那一阵我在xx大学门口蹲点，就看见一个女的，今天是红头发，明天是黄头发，后天是紫头发，从周一到周日，赤橙黄绿清兰紫让他染了个遍，最后弄的那头发和拖布似的 H：不管了，让我看看欧圆张什么样（H从饭缸里拿出硬币，看一眼，扔掉）Q：咋啦？你咋把欧元扔了？让别人捡去咋整？
H：那小子也不厚道阿，拿一个一毛的硬币来糊弄我，那是打发要饭的呢？！现在一毛钱还拿得出手？在怎么的也得给5毛阿
（P上场，拿五块钱纸币，扔到饭缸里，拿出四个硬币）P：哎，兄弟，不好意思，坐公交车没零钱了，换点！（下场）H：他能不能拿假币来骗咱们阿？（把钱拿起来，对着灯照照）Q：那咱们咒他，他要是拿假币骗咱们，就让他出车祸 H：对，撞他个生活不能自理（P手拿报纸上场）
P：法制报，故事报，新出版的体育报，来看看一个二十三岁的青年为何连续六次参加高考，新入学的大学生为何把楼跳，大学食堂饭里出现假耗子药，名校研究生为何残忍虐待二十八只小猫，看一看全知道！看报看报，大学自习室吸烟为何屡禁不止，一场血案起因只是一把格尺，要想深入学习八荣八耻，快来买我的报纸 Q：给我来一份(接过报纸）H：你还看报？
Q：那是啊，得看清现在的社会形势，关心国家大事（掏出一副眼镜）H：设备挺齐全阿
Q：那是啊，这眼镜是那天瞎猫眼镜店清仓时买的，五块钱，当时老板说了，就五块钱，多了少了都不卖，我当时拿出十块钱，老板说，拿零的，我没零钱找你，我说就十块了，要不你都拿去，老板当时就急了，说，我多要你五块钱算啥阿？这事要传出去，说我多收了乞丐五块钱，叫我以后怎么做人？ H：后来呢？
Q：后来我给了他五十个一毛的硬币
H：你们两都挺很，来，给我一张看看，我要文体板块的（H掏出一个放大镜）
Q：你别对着太阳看呀，一会烧着了！看看头版头条，全国各地深入学习八荣八耻，树立社会主义荣辱观。哎，咱们也该好好学学了，咱们这成天游手好闲，靠别人救济吃饭，已经成了八耻之一了阿！
H：我看中国足球更应该学学，你看，赵本山心灰意冷，说不想再趟这块混水。你看他们一个个钱挣得比咱们多，可脚比咱两的臭多了 Q：可不是嘛，哎，这咋下雨了呢？ H：太好了，我好几个月没洗澡了！（Q的手机响）
Q：喂？喂！喂！喂？啊，什么，大点声，哦，城管的来了？啊？喂？喂？喂！----小灵通，信号不好，下面弟兄说，城管的过来了，咱两快躲一躲吧
H：行，收拾一下，赶紧走（H手机响）喂？我早知道，城管要来，是吧？你怎么看的阿？消息这么慢，今天晚上没你饭吃了！咱们快走吧
相声《我的儿子》
牛群 冯巩
文本：
牛：冯巩。
冯：哎。
牛：跟你打听个事。
冯：你说吧。
牛：喜欢钱吗？
冯：什么钱？
牛：装糊涂，是不是？人民币！
冯：哦，就花的那钱。
牛：啪！给你这放上一摞钱，动心不动心。
冯：白给我？
牛：就问你，动心不动心？说实话。
冯：你小看我冯巩了，我冯巩是搞艺术的，真正的艺术是无价的。你一落钱就想...一落钱就想...那得看多少钱是吧。
牛：你今天是不是给我儿子压岁钱了？
冯：不是，这不过年了吗，我就领你们儿子挨屋这么一转，你们儿子嘴甜，叔叔阿姨不停的叫，人家就...这叫勤劳致富懂吗。
牛：哦，这么说，你一共给我儿子敛了多少钱？
冯：六百。
牛：多少钱？
冯：六百...牛：我怎么从他兜里就翻出五百呀？
冯：那一百块钱我不是留下了吗...不是，是我借的，我就怕别人管我叫叔叔时我没钱，你知道吗。
牛：我的孩子多小，你这不是害我儿子呢吗。你给他钱越多...当然最可气的是姜昆。
冯：他给多少？
牛：一分钱没给。其实呀，你别管给孩子花多少钱，只要花在孩子学习上。
冯：花多少钱我们都乐意。
牛：你看那天日子，我把我儿子就到跟前。
冯：哦。
牛：我说儿子过来，你只要考上区重点中学，你不是喜欢望远镜吗？爸爸给你买一个高倍的望远镜。
冯：英雄所见略同。
牛：是不是。
冯：儿子，只要你考上市重点，只要比牛群大大那儿子高一个层次。我就给你买一个游戏机。
牛：转天我儿子给我一个表。
冯：我也接到一张纸。
牛：我这么一看合同书，甲方牛群。乙方牛小群。如果乙方给甲方考入区重点中学，甲方应给乙方买高倍望远镜一个，折合人民币一千元整。以次类推，如考上市重点两千元，考上全国重点三千元，少年科技大五千元。为尽事宜双方本着友好协商的态度解决，空口无凭，签字画押。
冯：我们儿子写的就更绝了！特别强调，如甲方违约，须立即向乙方赔偿，精神损失费、心灵伤害费，八百元整，如付美金，按当日牌价，括弧不要卢布。签约人甲方冯巩，乙方冯小巩。公证人，冯老巩。连他爷爷都上来了。
牛：那天我无意当中从我儿子的抽屉当中翻出一价目表来。
冯：我也从他枕头底下那出一小纸条。
牛：上面写着，帮妈妈刷碗三毛。
冯：给爸爸拿报纸五毛。
牛：陪奶奶看动画片，让奶奶高兴，九毛二。
冯：骑着爷爷满屋子转，让爷爷锻炼身体，一块四毛九。
牛：你着算帐算到我们头上了？
冯：要算帐先跟你们算算帐。
牛：过来过来过来。你听着，要这么说，妈妈生你...多少钱？
冯：为生你，你妈妈落了一身病...多少钱？
牛：为了让你喝上鲜奶，爸爸在楼道里养了两只羊，多热的天熏的街坊四邻都捂着大口罩...多少钱？
冯：你欺负比你小的孩子，就为了让你消气，你爸爸狠狠的批评了那孩子他妈，等那孩子他爸回来，堵着咱家门，骂了三天街，你爸都不敢出门...多少钱？
牛：我老想我小时侯没钱，我不能让你受委屈。
冯：我们赶上十年浩劫了，不能让你没知识呀。
牛：为了让你有知识，花多少钱爸爸没犹豫过。
冯：是呀，怎么花钱越多，你怎么约没出息呢你呀？
牛：就这么一说，我那儿子眼泪刷就下来了。
冯：我们孩子也是泣不成声。
牛：爸爸，我以后一定好好学习。
冯：爸爸，我一定为您争气。
牛：我一定考全校第一。
冯：我一定考全区第一。
牛：我一定考全市第一。
冯：我一定考全国第一。
牛：到那时候爸爸给我多少钱？
冯：爸爸，我再也不要钱了，你给我弄个存折吧。
第二篇：英语幽默短剧剧本
中小学英语版情景对话
英语情景对话--交流
Getting people’s attention 引起别人注意
1.Can I talk to you ? 能和你谈一下吗?
2.Can we talk? 能一块儿谈谈吗?
3.Let‟s talk.我们谈谈吧。
4.Excuse me.You got a minute? 对不起，能耽误你一分钟吗?
5.May I have a word with you? 能和你说句话吗?
Launching conversation with a piece of news.讲述一条消息来打开话题
1.Listen up.听着。
2.Now hear this!你听着!
3.Get a load of this.你听听这个。(load:大量，许多)
4.Are you ready for this? 想听着。
5.Guess what? 你猜怎么的?
Asking other people if they understand 问别人是否听明白了
1.Do you understand? 你明白吗?
2.Do you know that I mean? 知道我的意思吗?
3.See what I mean? 明白我的意思吗?
4.Do you know what I‟m talking about? 知道我讲的是什么吗?
5.Know what I‟m saying? 知道我在说什么吗?
Indicating that you understand 表示明白对方的意思.1.I hear you 知道了.2.I got you.明白了.3.I can see that.这一点我明白.4.I hear what you‟re saying.我明白你的意思.5.Okay, I know just what you mean.嗯,我明白你的意思.If you do not catch what was said 假如你没听清对方说的话.1.I beg you pardon? 对不起,你说什么?
2.What was that? 你说什么?
3.Say what? 你说什么?
4.Excuse me? What did you say? 对不起,你说什么?
5.I‟m sorry.I missed that.对不起,我没听清.英语情景对话,商务英语对话I„d like some apples.2.-Where can I buy some stationery?
-Let„s look at the shopping guide.Oh, it„s on the ground Floor.3.-Could I buy half a kilo oranges?
-Certainly.Here you are.4.-Will you please show me that radio?
-Certainly.5.-How much is the radio?
-Ninety yuan.6.-Good morning, sir.May I help you? Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn‟t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I‟m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go.“（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It‟s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.英语幽默情景短剧
A Beautiful Trap英语话剧剧本
两位女大学生出去找兼职，却被欺骗。Cast Gwen: Senior high school student Rita: Mom / Customer A Fanny: Waitress Ivy: Gwen’s friend
David: Father / Customer B Willie: Boss------------------SCENE I Father and Mother are at home.Gwen just gets home.Gwen: I’m home, Mom, Dad.Mom: How’s your day, Gwen?
Gwen: Not bad.I’m tired of taking buses to school every day.Father: Why? Gwen: The bus is so crowded every morning.Mom: I don’t understand.What’s your point? Gwen: I want to buy a motorcycle-a Harley.Father: What！Harley!Are you insane? Mom:(to father)Calm down.(to Gwen)I understand your situation.I would agree if you want to buy a normal motorcycle, but Harley!Forget it.Gwen: But I want it so much.I’ve always wanted one.Father: OK.I can contribute some for the motorcycle, but you have to pay the rest yourself.Mom: I agree with your dad.Gwen: Oh!Yes!Are you sure? But I don’t have any money to pay for it!Father: You can use your New Years’ Red Envelope money or find a part-time job.Gwen: Hey, it sounds like a great idea to get a part-time job.Mom: You have to keep your eyes open when you look for a part-time job.Gwen: Don’t worry.I’ll be careful.Father: I can give you some advice and experience.When I was a teenager, I used to work as a porter.It was very tough, but I learned how to be responsible and how to use time.So will you.(change of tone)I remember I almost lost my life one day.Gwen: Thanks, Dad.I think I can handle it.I’ll be careful.SCENE II Gwen: Ivy, I want to find a part-time job.Are you interested in getting one for yourself, too? Ivy: It sounds great!I can search on the Internet for job opportunities.Gwen: Then I can look at the ads in the newspaper.(After 2 to 3 minutes)Gwen: Look!Here’s something interesting.It looks good.Ivy: Let me see...let’s make a phone call to see what the job is about.(Phone rings.Gwen and Ivy are calling the “I Need You” Company.)Boss: This is “I Need You” company!May I help you?
Ivy: I need a part-time job, and I saw your ads in the newspaper, so „ Boss: I see!Could you come to our company this Wednesday afternoon? Ivy: What? Boss: Oh!We’d like to interview you personally.Ivy: Is it alright if my friend comes along? Boss: No problem.You and your friend can come together.Ivy: Thank you.Bye.Boss: You’re welcome.See you!(hangs up.)Gwen: What did he say? Ivy: He said we can have interviews this Wednesday afternoon.Gwen: Great!Let’s do it.We can meet there.Ivy: I’m a little bit nervous.Gwen: It’ll be fine.Don’t worry.SCENE III(Wednesday afternoon, Gwen and Ivy are at the “I Need You” Company.They enter the company.)Boss: Hi, nice to meet you!Have a seat!Take it easy.O.K.!First, do you have any work experience? Gwen: No.Ivy: Me, either.Boss: That’s O.K.You’re just what our company needs.You can learn on the job.Second, do you have any talents? Like dancing or singing? Ivy: Well„.Gwen: I love singing.My friend says I sing well.Boss: Very good!Ivy: May I ask what this job is about? What do you want us to do? Boss: It’s easy.You just need to sing and chat with customers.They might give you some extra tips if they like you.Gwen: Oh!It sounds great!I can get a lot of money!I’ll take this job!What do you think, Ivy? Ivy: Umm...but I’m not good at singing or dancing.Boss: It’s O.K.!Fanny„ Fanny: Yes.Boss: She can teach you how to do this job well.It’s not hard.Gwen: How about the salary? Boss: Ha, ha!As to the salary, I won’t disappoint you.I promise you’ll be a rich girl in a few days.(shows a cunning smile)Ivy: I don’t think I can do it.It sounds fishy to me.I think we should ask more about what exactly we have to do.Gwen: Come on!Take it easy.It’s a good opportunity.We’ll make a lot of money.Just think about the money!Ivy: No, I’m sorry.I guess the job is not for me.Gwen: All right!Suit yourself.Ivy: Good luck.Bye.(exits)Fanny: Hi.Hmm„(looks at Gwen from head to toes)I think I’ll change the way you look, O.K.?(She starts to change Gwen’s hair style and her clothes and shoes;she also puts make-up on Gwen)
SCENE IV(Gwen’s first day of work at a bar)
Customer A: Wow, Fanny!Look at that girl!What a cute girl!Customer B: I’ve never seen her before.Who is she? Fanny: This is Gwen.It’s her first day here.Gwen: Hi.(She appears shy and uneasy.)Customer A: Come sit beside me.Customer B: Dance with me.(They both drag Gwen’ arms.)
Gwen: Umm„ What’s this all about? What’s going on?(Gwen starts to cry and turns to run away.)Fanny: Wait, wait!Stop it!Come back!Hey, what are you doing? Gwen: That man touched my butt.Fanny: So what? It’s no big deal.Take it easy.No matter what they do to you, you should always show respect to them and obey them.Gwen:(Sobs)Oh!The job is so different from what I have thought.I can’t do it!I can’t stand it!I want to quit!
SCENE V At Gwen’s home
Gwen: I can’t believe this.Darn!How stupid I was.It‘s disgusting.(Gwen’s still crying.)Mom: What’s wrong with you, honey?
Gwen: It’s terrible.I don’t know how to tell you.Father: What’s the problem? Tell us.Gwen: I got a part-time job the other day.And today was my first day of work.I thought they just want me to be a performer, singing some songs and dancing for other people.But the customers there harassed me.They were evil.They touched me and it made me feel awful.I couldn’t do it, so I ran away.Mom: What? Why did you choose this kind of jobs? Are you blind? Are you that stupid? Father: Calm down, both of you!You have to remember this experience.You should be careful when you choose a job.Didn’t I tell you that?
Mom: If you have troubles finding a job, we’ll help you look for one from the Internet or newspapers.Father: It’s O.K.now.Stop it.Gwen: Thank you so much, Mom and Dad.I love you.Mom: We love you, too, honey.J
别摸我英语话剧剧本
Don't Touch Me!Vicky和Lisa是某餐馆的服务员，一天，一个顾客对Vicky....人物 Allen Jim Kuki Fenix Vicky Lisa------------------Cast 1.Vicky︰a waitress at Monday’s restaurant.She is a hard working girl.2.Lisa︰another waitress at Monday’s restaurant.She is a kind and naive girl.3.Fenix︰one of customers.He’s a very ill-natured customer.4.Allen and Tim︰customers at Monday’s restaurant.They’re good and decent men.5.Kuki︰the boss of the restaurant.Scene I(One afternoon, there are many customers at the Monday’s restaurant.)Vicky and Lisa talk and go to the kitchen, and then the boss, kuki, comes in, too.Kuki: Hey, there are many customers today.Girls, work hard.Remember, God gives all things to industry.Lisa: Yeah.I know.Vicky: We will do our best.The door opens now.Two men come in.Kuki moves to the door.Kuki: May I help you, sir? Two people? Come with me, I will take you to the table.Allen: Yes, pleases.Tim: I’m starving.I hope I can eat the best food in this restaurant right now.Kuki:(laughing)Just a moment.Two men walk in the restaurant.Lisa walks toward them.Vicky: This is the menu, sirs.Allen＆Tim: Thank you.After a few minutes.Lisa and Vicky walk to the kitchen.Lisa: Hey, Vicky.I don’t like that customer.See, that man sits near the door.Vicky: Why? Does he make any troubles for you? Lisa: I don’t know.I feel„„.Oh, I just don’t like the way he looks at me.Scene II Vicky delivers a dish to the table where Allen and Tim sit.Vicky:(talks to herself)Lisa is right.The way that man looks at me makes me uncomfortable.Vicky delivers a dish again to Fenix’s table.Vicky: Here is your meal, sir.Enjoy it, please.Vicky turns to the kitchen.At this moment, Fenix touches her back!Vicky: Wow~~~~(she screams.)Kuki:(runs to Vicky)what happened? Vicky: He, he„„He touched me!Fenix: No！I didn’t.Lisa: You lie！I see you did that.What I say is an absolute truth.Other customers gather around them to see what is happening.Kuki: Well, seeing is believing, sir„„
Fenix: I feel humiliated.So, boss.You must solve this problem.Look at your Waitress.They are such tricky women.Kuki: But, they say you did it„„„.Sir, I think„„.Fenix: What? You mean I am a pervert? Oh„„„Is this the way you serve your customers? You must give me an explanation today!Maybe giving me some money will make me forget it.Lisa: You are a shameless cheater, liar.The argument continues.Scene III Allen and Tim are angry for what they saw.Allen: I won’t tolerate your behavior anymore.Tim: That’s right.Come on, sir.It’s your fault.We all know that.Fenix: Hmn? You think so? But I don’t think so.I mean, if the boss and the waitresses make an apology to me, I might leave early.Or I will stay and make sure that no other customers walk inside the restaurant.Kuki: Oh„„Don’t do that, please.Sir, you have to know it won’t do you any good.Fenix: Yeah„„it won’t do me any good unless you pay me some money for the humiliation you have caused me.You have disgraced me.Tim: Such a liar, I can’t believe it！Fenix: Mind your own business.Allen:(Takes out his badge.)See.Fenix: Uh„„
Allen: I’m a police officer.Maybe you know what I’ll do with you.Fenix turns to the door quickly.Everybody in the restaurant all claps and cheers for Allen.Lisa: There is very few good people in our society.Many bad people bully the weak and fear the strong.Tim: Yeah„„.but trust me, justice will win.Kuki: We are so lucky you are here.Thank you very much.Allen: You are welcome.It’s just my duty.臭脚的故事》英语话剧剧本
A Story about Love and Stinky Feet 超级搞笑，哈哈哈 从前，一个巫婆有一双臭脚，人们都很讨厌。所以，她想找一个人换掉她的双脚。有一天她来到”香国"。她发现，人人都有双香脚。一天王子午睡，巫婆用自己的臭脚换了王子的香脚。
有一位公主，她总是失眠。虽然国王和王后在尝试了很多方法，她还不能睡觉。国王和王后陛下非常担心自己的女儿。
最后，他们就发现了一个方法：每当公主无法入睡，她只需要嗅觉王子的臭脚，然后她将睡得很好。
最后王子和公主很幸福的生活在一起。人物
Ada: Little girl Candy: Queen Evander: King Evelyn Joel: Prince Rita: Singer /Woman Yilina: Witch------------------
Summary Once upon a time„A witch had a pair of stinky feet.They were very disgusting.So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.And one day she flied to “Fragrance Country”.She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet.And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet.The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.At that time, the witch exchanged her own stinky feet with the prince’s fragrant feet.There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in “Beauty Country”.Although the king and the queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep.The king and the queen were very worried about their daughter.And then, they discovered a perfect method for the princess to fall asleep: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, she only had to smell the prince’s stinky feet, and then she would sleep very well.In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.SCENE I(One afternoon, a girl, Ada, is reading a book)Ada: Oh~ what an interesting story!Once upon a time„A witch had a pair of stinky feet.They smelt worse than stinky tofu.They were very disgusting.So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.Ada: And one day she flied to “Fragrance country”.She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet.And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet.The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.Witch:（screaming and laughing and dancing）I’m the most perfect witch who has both beauty and intelligence.More and more people fall for my„my „ feet!Oh no, my feet!I’m such a charming witch, but why do my feet stink so much? Everyone faints when they smell my feet.The smell of my feet can kill mice.Oh, I don’t want to live.I want to fly away!（Flying to the Fragrance country）
Witch:(Crying)I hate my feet!I hate my feet!(in a low voice)Ha-ha, what’s the smell? It smells so sweet.(Searching)Oh.What a handsome boy.(Come closer and take a deep breath)Oh, oh, oh, why do his feet have such a sweet smell? It’s just not fair!(Angrily)Not fair!Look, he’s sleeping and snoring.Let me exchange my feet with his!(Doing magic and laughing loudly)Oh, my feet.You smell so sweet!Now I’m really the most charming witch.(Fly away)Prince:(Asleep and dreaming)Oh!What a beautiful girl you are!You are my only one – my dear princess.Prince:(Wake up!)Oh~ what’s wrong? What a bad smell！The room smells of stinky tofu.Is it my table? My hand? My chair? My head? Or my window? Oh no!It’s my feet.I have a pair of stinky feet.How did it happen?(Hold on to his head.)(Run away)I can’t believe it!
SCENE II(The prince is walking and sees some crows on the way.)Prince: Oh~ there are many crows.Crow A: Please go away„
Crow B: Quickly!It’s full of bad smell here.Crows: We are going to die, because your feet are too disgusting.Prince: Oh!I am so sorry„My feet cause you much trouble„Sorry~!(Prince continues to walk.He sees some flowers.)Prince: Hum~ I like the perfume of flowers.Flower A: Oh!I can’t live without fresh air.Flower B: Keep your feet far away from us, please.Flowers: Your feet are too disgusting.Prince: Why does everyone dislike me? I am so sad and I am sorry for making you feel bad.(Prince continues to walk.)Prince: What can I do? I want my sweet-smelling feet back.(Many strangers are buying from vendors on the road.)Stranger A: Did you step in something? Check your shoes.Stranger B: Oh!Don’t talk nonsense.Stranger C: I know where that bad smell comes from.It’s him./span> Prince: I can’t believe it!My disgusting feet have magic power！Queen: Oh!Don’t say that!They are not disgusting at all.Congratulations!You are going to marry my dear daughter.King: Yes!This is a happy ending.Ada: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, all she had to do was to smell the prince’s stinky feet.And then, she would sleep very well.In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.
第三篇：短剧剧本
小红帽英文小剧本 Little Red Riding Hood
第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum：(妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌紫的水果放在篮子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum：（一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill.Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma.Take them to Grandma.Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!Mum：（亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说）Be good.Be careful.Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.Mum： Bye-bye.Darling.第二场：在路上
(一阵轻快的音乐远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful!（放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf.I am hungry.(做找东西状,东张西望)Here is a little red riding hood.Hi!Little Red Riding Hood.Where are you going?(做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma‟s．Grandma is ill.Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma.But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look!6 little baby ducks.Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello!Baby ducks，how are you? Six Ducks：We‟ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma‟s．Oh, I must go, bye.Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三场：Grandma家 Grandma：（喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now.(做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma‟ s house?(高兴地对观众说)Aha , it‟s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang． Grandma： Who is it？ Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It‟s me.Little Red Riding Hood.Grandma：(边说边起床)Come in, come in.Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边)Grandma , I‟ll eat you.Grandma：（惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I‟ll sleep.Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma． Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音)Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It‟s me。Little Red Riding Hood.What a strange noise!Wolf：Come in，Come in.Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh!What are big ears!Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.Little Red Riding Hood：Wow!What a big eyes!Wolf：I can see you pretty face.Little Red Riding Hood：Oh!What a big hand.Wolf：I can hug you.Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look!What a big hands? Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No!No!Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It‟s delicious.I still sleep.I like sleeping.Hunter：(一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where‟s the wolf? Look!A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)Hunter：(端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach!(摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside.I must be hurry．(从桌紫拿起剪刀，举起)Look!Scissors.(做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones． Grandma：(从桌紫拿来针线)Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.Hunter：(把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)Grandma： I'll thread it.Hunter：(拿起枪)Woke up!Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!Wolf：(边跑边说)Help!Don‟t shot me!Hunter：（开枪）Bang, bang!Wolf：(应声倒下)Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah!Thank you．
Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you
Global warming A． Class begins, good afternoon everyone.B． C.D ：Good afternoon, teacher.A.First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ? B.I think it‟s the problem of environment pollution.A.It‟s related to our correct answer.But it isn‟t correct one.B.Is it the problem of population increasing? A.No.C.Oh.I got it.It‟s global warming.A.Right!Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays.Because……
B.Teacher.I have a question.It was very cold indeed this winter.I think it‟s global cooling!
A.You got the wrong concept.Global warming doesn‟t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control.So it will be sometimes very cold.B.Teacher.What causes “ global warming”?
C.I know.Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature.It causes global warming.A.You are right.Do you know what will happen with the global warming? B.Yes.The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water.Human will have no places to live.C.Surely, we don‟t want that will happen.A.What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?
B.I think we can protect the environment from ourselves.We can plant trees C.When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.A.Ok.Students, we can‟t only speak but not do later.Let us go planting trees.D.Oh, teacher!Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it‟s tree-planting day!A.Yes!Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment.B．C．D．Let us do our best to stop “Global warming” and make our earth a lovely homeland!
A.That is good.I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment.Now the class is over bye-bye students!B.C.D.good bye.Teacher.《白雪公主》英语话剧剧本
SW-白雪公主Q-皇后 M-魔镜 H-猎人P-白马王子 D-小矮人音乐起，旁白
A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much;the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess.Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn‟t love the new queen, because she was cruel.One day, In the king‟s palace:----白雪出场
S.w: My name is Snow white , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother ? Where is my mother ? 音乐起，皇后、魔镜出场
Q: I am a queen , I‟m very beautiful , Where is Mirror ? Mirror , Mirror on the wall , who‟s the most beautiful ? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you!Q: Hunter, go kill Snow white.猎人出场
H: Yes, my queen 音乐起，猎人追赶白雪，公主惊慌出逃
S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please!白雪顺利脱逃后
S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house , I will eat a little and lie down.D: 1Look, somebody ate my food----2Somebody drank my water----3Someone is sleeping now----4What a beautiful girl!----小矮人睡觉----音乐起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----对话 5How do you do? S.w: How do you do? My name is Snow white … Nice to meet you!D:（齐说）Nice to meet you ,too----6 welcome to our house!----7Would you like to live here? S.W: My pleasure, thank you very much!D: Let‟s go out for our work, bye-bye, Snow white.皇后、魔镜出场
Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall , who‟s the most beautiful? M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you!Q: What ? Snow white is not dead ? Hahaha, I got a good idea!
音乐起，皇后扮演老太太出场，对话 Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple, S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma!Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite? S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma!
白雪公主咬一口后倒地 Q: The girl is dead!Hahaha… 小矮人出场、围着公主哭
Snow white wake up, wake up… 音乐起，小矮人引着王子出场
P: A beautiful girl!She shall be my queen!王子唤醒公主，公主醒了
P：Wake up!Wake up , my queen!S.w: Thank you for your help!P: My pleasure!音乐起，小矮人、公主、王子跳起欢快的舞
音乐起，7个小矮人出场，Big words of western tour（大话西游）
Chapter 1 Site：The wedding
Characters:牛魔王、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖 Aside: The story begins with a wedding.The Bull King is going to have a concubine.牛：Today is my wedding.I am going to have a concubine.Ha ha ha …….妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it? 牛：Oh!She is not lovely anymore.She‟s right now at the Flame Mountain.She can do nothing about it!(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)牛：Let me introduce my brother to you!My brother!Come here!This is my brother.(牛深情地转向紫霞)牛：Zixia, listen to me.I think I „ve fallen in love with you once I know you.I want to show my sincerity.So I request you to marry me in front of my bros.This Pandora‟s Box is my gift to you.I hope you would say yes.妖：I object!牛：What? 妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover.If you can pass it, I will shout up!至：What‟s this? Really?
妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.(剑从至的怀中落下)妖：Magic Sword? 牛：Let me do this!(紫跑出，拾剑)紫：It‟s not true!It‟s just a joke.It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!(紫跑下)妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.牛：Aaa……(牛惊慌地跑下)Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……
Chapter 2 Site: Bull King‟s back garden
Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）
至：Why are you hiding here?(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think.But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly.Because I‟ve decided to tell lies, I‟ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!紫：I‟ll kill you if you come closer!
至：You should kill me!Kill me!I‟d found my best love, but I didn‟t treasure her.I left regretful after that.It‟s the ultimate pain in the world.Just cut my throat, please don‟t hesitate!If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words.“I love you”.If God wants to give a time limit, I‟ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）紫：What can you tell your wife? 至：I have to tell her the truth.So I must get the Pandora‟s Box back.Then go back with you and explain everything.But I hate myself that I can‟t get the box back.I …… 紫：I help you!至：No, it‟s dangerous!紫：You don‟t want to? 至：I do!But ……
紫：I trust you!I‟ll get the Pandora‟s Box back tonight.Wait for me here at midnight.(猪喊)至：Let me do something to my boss first.See you tonight.（依依不舍）Aside: The night …… Chapter 3 Site: Dungeon
Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧 猪和沙：Master, master(两人同时悄声说)猪：We come to save you.沙：We come to bring you out.唐：I won‟t go.猪和沙：Stay here? Why? 唐：There‟re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures.This is because we‟re not united enough.So we let the devils do bad to us.That‟s fine.This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me;the outside world is just a bigger prison.You go out first.I have something to tell him.(猪和沙下)唐：You come in and have a sit!至：To be honest, I‟m not your disciple.I don‟t want to be your disciple.Master I know you‟re a good guy.Please let me go!唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”? 至：What is “dong, dong, dong”?
唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……
(唐唱Only you)至：Stop.Stop.I can‟t take this anymore, please stop …… 唐：Ohoh ……
至：Damn you, you … I‟ve said I can‟t take this anymore.Don‟t disturb or I‟ll kill you.唐： Monkey King, you can kill me.Life and death are very minor.When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me.Namonitabhaya …(至跑走)Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders‟ Cave with the Grapes.Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who‟s cut open won‟t die at once.He can still see.So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.After the Monkey King‟s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …
Chapter 4 Site: The Hole of Waterfall
Characters: 至尊宝、观音 至：Goddess.I‟m about to understand your words.I used my eyes to see in the past.What I was dying.I started using my heart to see this world.Then I could see all things clearly.That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart.I felt her sorrow.观：Have you given up all things in human world? 至：Yes!Life and death is just minor!…… But I don‟t understand why can human‟s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years.What hatred is it? 观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.观：I want to warn you again.After wearing the gold ring, you‟re no longer a normal human.You can‟t have human desires anymore.If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller.It‟s very uncomfortable.至：OK.观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say? 至：I had had found my best love, but I didn‟t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It‟s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years.
第四篇：搞笑短剧剧本
《茶叶蛋与爱情》
第一幕
在那个炎热而充满激情的夏天，经过无数次课间的小纸条，郭建国终于和李阿芳在一起了。
经历了六月高考后，阿芳迎来了她的录取通知书，而建国也...落榜了，于是他们不得不面临分隔两地，这一天郭建国送李阿芳去她梦想中的高等学府“湖南财政经济学院”。
李阿芳：国，我就要去读大学了，你在砖厂要好好干，我毕业了就嫁你。
郭建国：芳，你放心，我不会辜负你的期望的，等你回来了我就一定是这旮旯最大砖厂的老板了，到时我会调八辆拖拉机去娶你的。
李阿芳：国，我选你。
郭建国：芳，我也选你。
进入大学，阿芳和刘思思分到一个寝室，对于这个地道的本地人，阿芳感到深深的自卑，虽然陌生的人陌生的城市，但是阿芳并不孤单，她和她的建国哥每天都要打一通电话。这天郭建国打来了电话。
李阿芳：国，城里人真的好奇怪，就一大锅菜硬是被他们整成了火锅，一点青菜豆腐卖的那么贵。我觉得那会高中你揣在兜里的地瓜最香了。
郭建国：芳，你别整城里人那套，不要学坏了。
李阿芳：我知道，你好好干，不说了，话费老贵了。
郭建国：芳，我选你。
李阿芳：我也选你。
刘思思：你和谁打电话呢？
李阿芳：我男朋友。
刘思思：你就有男朋友了，真快啊。
李阿芳：我们高中就在一起了，他对我特好。
刘思思：他在哪个学校读书啊？
李阿芳：哪能，现在已经在工作了呢。
刘思思：工作了？他做什么的？
李阿芳：就...就....那个，帮别人工作呗，具体我也不清楚。我下去吃饭了。刘思思：等一下，我和你一起下去嘛，那个，听说最近隔壁班的周帅富对你蛮殷勤的，你要小心点啊，他这个人仗着有点小钱不知道勾搭过多少女孩子了，再说你不是有男朋友吗，就不要和他弄得太暧昧了
李阿芳：我知道的啦，我又不是那种贪慕虚荣的女孩子
第二幕
几天后（阿芳在宿舍兴高采烈的哼着歌）
刘思思：阿芳，你现在和周帅富怎么回事啊，白天眉来眼去晚上电话不断的 李阿芳：额，我觉得我现在对他有感觉了
刘思思：不要开玩笑了，他这人就没认真过
李阿芳：说不定这次就认真了呢
刘思思：你看上他哪里了啊，除了有点钱哪里就吸引你了
李阿芳：人家可是个高富帅呢
刘思思：你男朋友怎么办？
李阿芳：我愿意坐在宝马车里哭也不想在自行车上笑
刘思思：唉，过得开心快乐不就好了嘛
李阿芳：没钱哪来的快乐
刘思思：你高兴就好吧
李阿芳：恩恩
这一天阿芳又接到周帅富的电话
阿芳：喂
周：阿芳，是我阿芳：恩恩，我知道
周：周末有事么
阿芳：周末哦，我想想啊
周：带你去吃茶叶蛋
阿芳：茶叶蛋好贵啊，欧巴，我们还是不要去吃茶叶蛋了啦
周：没事，天空飘来五个字，钱就不是事儿
阿芳：kdie
这时接到男友电话
阿芳：喂
郭：阿芳，你在干嘛呢？
阿芳：还能干吗，在寝室呗
郭：哦，那也好那也好，我跟你说啊，我今天搬了十拖拉机的砖，赚了五十几块钱呢，过几天就发工资了，到时我又可以寄钱你了，你上次不是看中了那条38块的裙子么，你去买回来啊，你要多吃点······
阿芳：哎呀，行了行了知道啦（嘀咕：50块还不够人家吃个茶叶蛋呢）
在吃完茶叶蛋后
周：有男朋友么
阿芳：男朋友哦，人家还没有唉
周：那做我女朋友吧
阿芳：kdie
在光棍节前一天，阿芳提前给郭建国发了一短信
“国，提前祝你光棍节快乐”
“我不是有你么”
“在发这条短信的时候就不是了”
“我们不是好好的么，昨天我妈妈还问起你了呢，说等你毕业了就把家里那三间茅草屋给我做新房，我爸爸的单车也给我，咱们有房有车了你咋还不要俺了呢” “不是因为你没钱，你别想多了，不是因为钱”
“我没说钱啊”
“说了不是钱”
“额，你还敢再明显点么”
“国，我要的是一个高富帅，你却注定是一个屌丝，怀念十个月零三天八小时所有的美好时光，很遗憾，放开我———是你唯一能我做的，希望以后的你是快乐的，我的高中男生”
“咋还整上李亚鹏那套了，不就是分手么，我知道了，劈腿虽易，享受不易，且行其珍惜！！”
从此以后，阿芳和周帅富过上了想象中的生活
一开始他们是这样的周：带你去泡吧吧
阿芳：kdie，欧巴
周：带你去世界之窗玩玩？
阿芳：kdie，欧巴
周：买衣服化妆品
阿芳：kdie,欧巴
周：香港迪斯尼走走？
阿芳：kdie，欧巴
然后他们是这样的阿芳：国，我好想你，你在干嘛呢
周：玩游戏呢，等会再说
阿芳：今天肚子好疼，都没去上课
周：那今天晚上自助餐还去不去了
阿芳：额
阿芳：你到底爱我吗
周：干嘛整这套，且行且珍惜
阿芳:我们以后会结婚吗
周：你俗不俗，恋爱这么神圣的事都让你整俗了
第三幕
而在和阿芳分手后，郭建国在砖厂做事越来越没有动力，他总是想起曾经和李阿芳的山盟海誓，而一想到李阿芳他的小心脏就一阵阵的抽的疼，他觉得他的感情和自尊被阿芳无情的碾压了，而且在碾压后还被分袋封装丢弃的到处都是，他再也受不了，他决定去找阿芳理论。（他在寝室下面拦住了刚和刘思思逛完街回来的阿芳）
郭建国：阿芳····
李阿芳：你怎么又来了？
郭建国：阿芳，为什么？为什么？为什么？你真的不爱我了吗？你忘记当年在幽幽谷我们许下的诺言吗？山无棱，天地合.....李阿芳：乃敢与君绝。
郭建国：看，你还记得。
李阿芳：谁还没看过十几遍的还珠格格啊，你果然还是太天真了。
这时周帅富的电话来了
李阿芳：obba，有事吗？
周帅富：今晚7点7天见。
李阿芳：啊？什么？7天见？
周帅富：对，不见不散。（挂电话）
李阿芳：那个，那个，喂....郭建国：你居然还跟人去7天？
李阿芳：我没有。
郭建国：（盯着李阿芳）
李阿芳：我没有！
郭建国：你说你的节操去哪了？
李阿芳：节操在这呢！
郭建国：你看看你现在的样子，lv的包，迪奥的鞋，手里还一土豪金，跟人讲话那得瑟劲，这还是那同桌的你吗？曾经的你可爱，善良，撒起娇来像小猫一样，现在小猫咋长成山大王了呢，你基因变异了吗！还一口一句的泡菜腔，你是吃多了紫菜包饭吗？棒子国那些锥子脸们就没有扎醒你吗？对，我没有钱，我只是没有钱啊！
李阿芳：难道我离开你选择他只是为了钱吗？对，我就为了钱。Kdie,为了钱。我现在去逛街，再也不用担心买不起衣服，可是之前看中的几十块的裙子却再也找不到了；去世界之窗，我却想起了之前我们在小河里捉鱼的日子；买化妆品，可是我却认不出我自己了。我再也不用为钱发愁，可是，却失去了男朋友应有的对我的关心和珍惜。可即便这样，钱也从来都不属于我，我用他的钱买了一大堆堆砌我外在美丽的附属品，可是我却在也不是原来的我，在我选择和你分手的时候我就丢掉了我自己，丢掉了自尊，丢掉了快乐。
郭建国：阿芳，回来吧，我一直在这里。
献给所有
曾经逝去 正在拥有 即将发生
却从未离开过我们的——爱情
第五篇：护理短剧剧本
护士对患者说：现在感觉怎样啊？
N to P：What’s your feeling 我经常感到恶心，想吐
患者对护士说：我经常感到心绞痛，而且每次疼痛后都会发热。最近肠胃也不好，老是觉得恶心，想吐。
P to N：I can feel the angina pectoris frequently and after each time I’ll get a fever.Recently the stomach was not good, I often fell nausea.医生对病人说：您所患的是心肌梗塞，是指心肌的缺血性坏死，在临床上常有持久的胸骨后剧烈疼痛、发热、白细胞计数增高、血清心肌酶升高以及心电图反映心肌急性损伤、缺血和坏死的一系列特征性演变，并可出现心律失常、休克或心力衰竭，属冠心病的严重类型。心肌梗塞的原因，多数是冠状动脉粥样硬化斑块或在此基础上血栓形成，造成血管管腔堵塞所致。以下就让你的责任护士给你介绍一下您日常所需注意的。
D to P: What you suffer from is myocardial infarction, refer to the ischemic necrosis of the cardiac muscle, often there is violent pain behind breastbone on clinic, generate heat, the leukocyte is counted and increased, the myocardium enzyme of serum rises and the electrocardiogram reflect cardiac muscle acute damaging, a series of characteristic development of the ischemic and necrosis, and can present arrhythmia, shock or in heart failure, belong to the serious type of coronary heart disease.The reason of myocardial infarction, the majority is porridge a kind of plaque or thrombosis on this basis of coronary artery, cause blood vessel in charge of stop up.Let responsibility nurse of you give you introduce your daily need was noticed just as follows.护士对病人：得了心肌梗死，关键是要休息，不然对你的预后影响很大。除了要好好休息之外，你要试着戒烟，吸烟将促使冠心病猝死的危险性增高50%.N to P: Because of the myocardial infarction, you must sufficient rest otherwise your prognosis will be affected.Besides, you should try to give up smoking, smoking can increase the rate of sudden death in coronary heart disease(CHD)by fifty percent.病人对护士：让我戒烟喊蛮难的，那除了戒烟，我以后生活中还需要注意点什么呢？ P to N: It’s quite hard for me to quit smoking.What else should I pay attention to besides giving up smoking? 对病人：除了要注意以上的几点，你还要参加适当的体力活动与体力锻炼。最后，保持良好的心理状态。
N to P: In addition, moderate exercise is necessary.And finally, you have to maintain your stress and take your medicine on time.家属对护士：那我们作家属的要做些什么呢？
F to N: As his family, what should we do then? 护士对病人家属：长期高脂肪、高热量的饮食也是导致冠心病早发的危险因素。
你们作为他的家属也要注意替他安排合理的膳食，保持“低脂、低盐、低糖、低热量、高纤维素的饮食。
N to F: Fat and high calorie foods, which you usually eat, also increase the risk of early CHD.As his family, first, you muse arrange a proper diet: low fat, low salt, low sugar and low calorie intake, and eat more fruits and vegetables.Second, you should pay attention to the patient’s health condition at any moment.
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