莱温斯基TED演讲：来自人生的经验与忏悔

第一篇：莱温斯基TED演讲：来自人生的经验与忏悔

You are looking at a woman who was publicly silent for a decades.Obviously, that’s changed, but only recently.It was several months ago, that I gave the speech at Forbes 30 under 30 summit, 1,500 brilliant people, all under the age of 30.That meant that in 1998, the oldest among the group were only 14, and the youngest ,just 4.I joked with them that some might only have heard of me from rap songs.Yes, I’m in rap songs.Almost 40 rap songs.But the night of my speech, a surprising thing happened.At the age of 41, I was hit on by a 27-year-old guy.I know, right? He was charming and I was flattered, and I declined.You know what his unsuccessful pickup line was? He could make me feel 22 again.I realized later that night, I’m probably the only person over 40 who does not want to be 22 again.At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss, and at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.Can I see a show of hands of anyone here who didn’t make a mistake or do something they regretted at 22? Yep.That’s what I thought.So like me, at 22, a few of you may have also taken wrong turns and fallen in love with the wrong person, maybe even your boss.Unlike me, though, your boss probably wasn’t the president of the United States of America.Of course, life is full of surprises.Not a day goes by that I’m not reminded of my mistake, and I regret that mistake deeply.In 1998, after having been swept up into an improbable romance, I was then swept up into the eye of political, legal and media maelstrom like we had never seen before.Remember, just a few years earlier, news was consumed from just three places: reading a newspaper or magazine, listening to the radio, or watching television.That was it.But that wasn’t my fate.Instead, this scandal was brought to you by the digital revolution.That meant we could access all the information we wanted, when we wanted it, anytime, anywhere, and when the story broke in January 1998, it broke online.It was the first time the traditional news was usurped by the internet for a major news story, a click that reverberated around the world.What that meant for me personally was the overnight I went from being a completely private figure to a publicly humiliated one worldwide.I was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.This rush to judgment, enabled by technology, led mobs of virtual stone-throwers.Granted, it was before social media, but people could still comment online, email stories, and of course, email cruel jokes.News sources plastered photos of me all over to sell newspapers, banner ads online, and to keep people tuned to the TV.Do you recall a particular image of me, say, wearing a beret? But the attention and judgment that I received, not the story, but that I personally received, was unprecedented.I was branded as a tramp, tart, whore, bimbo, and, of course, that woman.I was seen by many but actually known by few.And I get it: it was easy to forget that that woman was dimensional had a soul, and was once unbroken.When this happened to me 17 years ago, there was no name for it.Now we call it cyberbullying and online harassment.Today, I want to share some of my experience with you, talk about how that experience has helped shape my cultural observations, and how I hope my past experience can lead to a change that results in less suffering for others.In1998, I lost my reputation and my dignity.I lost almost everything, and I almost lost my life.Let me paint a picture for you.It is September of 1998.I’m sitting in a windowless office room inside the Office of the Independent Counsel underneath humming fluorescent lights.I’m listening to the sound of my voice, my voice on surreptitiously taped phone calls that a supposed friend had made the year before.I’m here because I’ve been legally required to personally authenticate all 20 hours of taped conversation.For the past eight months, the mysterious content of these tapes has hung like the Sword of Damocles over my head.I mean, who can remember what they said a year ago? Scared and mortified, I listen, listen as I prattle on about the flotsam and jetsam of the day;listen as I confess my love for the president, and of course, my heartbreak;listen to my sometimes catty, sometimes churlish, sometimes silly self being cruel, unforgiving, uncouth;listen, deeply, deeply ashamed, to the worst version of myself, a self I don’t even recognize.A few days later, the Starr Report is released the congress, and all of those tapes and transcripts, those stolen words, from a part of it.That people can read the transcripts is horrific enough, but a few weeks later, the audio tapes are aired on TV, and significant portions made available online.The public humiliation was excruciating.Life was almost unbearable.This was not something that happened with regularity back then 1998, and by this, I mean the stealing of people’s private words, actions, conversations or photos, and making them public—public without consent, public without context, and public without compassion.Fast forward 12 years to 2010, and now social media has been born.The landscape has sadly become much more populated with instances like mine, whether or not someone actually make a mistake, and now it’s for both public and private people.The consequences for some have become dire, very dire.I was on the phone with my mom in September of 2010, and we were talking about the news of a young college freshman from Rutgers University named Tyler Clementi.A sweet sensitive, creative Tyler was secretly webcam med by his roommate while being intimate with another man.When the online world learned of this incident, the ridicule and cyberbullying ignited.A few days later, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death.He was 18.My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family, and she was gutted with pain in a way that I just couldn’t quite understand, and then eventually I realized she was reliving 1998, reliving a time when she sat by my bed every night,(sorry)reliving a time when she made me shower with a bathroom door open and reliving a time when both of my parents feared that I would be humiliated to death, literally.Today, too many parents haven’t had the chance to step in and rescue their loved ones.Too many have learned of their child’s suffering and humiliation after it was too late.Tyler’s tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me.It served to recontextualize my experiences, and I began to look at the world of humiliation and bullying around me and see something different.In 1998, we had no way of knowing where this brave new technology called the internet would take us.Since then, it has connected people in unimaginable ways, joining lost siblings, saving lives, launching revolutions, but the darkness, cyberbullying, and slut-shaming that I experienced had mushroomed.Every day on line, people, especially young people who are not developmentally equipped to handle this, are so abused and humiliated that they can’t imagine living to the next day, and some, tragically, don’t, and there’s nothing virtual about that.Child Line, a UK nonprofit that’s focused on helping young people on various issues, released a staggering statistic late last year: from 2012 to 2013, there was an 87 percent increase in calls and emails related to cyberbullying.A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying.And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn’t have, was other research last year that determined humiliation was more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.Cruelty to others is nothing new, but online, technologically enhanced shaming is amplified, uncontained, and permanently accessible.The echo of embarrassment used to extend only as far as your family, village, school or community, but now it’s the online community too.Millions of people, often anonymously, can stab you with their words, and that’s a lot of pain, and there are no perimeters around how many people can publicly observe you and put you in a public stockade.There is a very personal price to public humiliation, and the growth of the internet has jacked up that price.For nearly two decades now, we have slowly been sowing the seeds of shame and public humiliation in our cultural soil, both on-and offline.Gossip websites, paparazzi, reality programming, politics, news outlets and sometimes hackers all traffic in shame.It’s led to desensitization and a permissive environment online which lends itself to trolling, invasion of privacy, and cyberbullying.This shift has created what professor Nicolaus Mills calls a culture of humiliation.Consider a few prominent examples just from the past six months alone.Snapchat, the service which is used mainly by younger generations and claims that its messages only have the lifespan of a few seconds.You can imagine the range of content that gets.A third-party app which Snapchatters use to preserve the lifespan of the messages was hacked, and 100,000 personal conversations, photos, and videos were leaked online to now have a lifespan of forever.Jennifer Lawrence and several other actors had their iCloud accounts hacked, and private, nude photos were plastered across the internet without their permission.One gossip website had over five million hits for this one story.And what about the Sony Pictures cyberhacking? The documents which received the most attention were private emails that had maximum public embarrassment value.But in this culture of humiliation, there is another kind of price tag attached to public shaming.The price does not measure the cost to the victim, which Tyler and too many others, notably women, minorities and members of the LGBTQ community have paid, but the price measures that profit of those who prey on them.This invasion of others is a raw material, efficiently and ruthlessly mined, packaged and sold at a profit.A marketplace has emerged where public humiliation is a commodity and shame is an industry.How is the money made? Clicks.The more shame, the more clicks.the more clicks, the more advertising dollars.We’re in a dangerous cycle.The more we click on this kind of gossip, the more numb we get to the human lives behind it, and the more numb we get, the more we click.All the while, someone is making money off the back of someone else’s suffering.With every click, we make a choice.The more we saturate our culture with public shaming, the more accepted it is, the more we will see behavior like cyberbullying, trolling, some forms of hacking, and online harassment.Why? Because they all have humiliation at their cores.This behavior is a symptom of the culture we’ve created.Just think about it.Changing behavior begins with evolving beliefs.We’ve seen that to be true with racism, homophobia, and plenty of other biases, today and in the past.As we’ve changed beliefs about same-sex marriage, more people have been offered equal freedoms.When we began valuing sustainability, more people began to recycle.So as far as our culture of humiliation goes, what we need is a cultural revolution.Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop, and it’s time for an intervention on the internet and in our culture.The shift begins with something simple, but it’s not easy.We need to return to long-held value of compassion and empathy.Online, we’ve got a compassion deficit, an empathy crisis.researcher Brenna Brown said, I quote:“shame can’t survive empathy.“ shame cannot survive empathy.I’ve seen some very dark days in my life, and it was the compassion and empathy from my family, friends, professionals, and sometimes even strangers that saved me.Even empathy from one person can make a difference.The theory of minority influence, proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that even in small numbers, when there’s consistency over time, change can happen.In the online world, we can foster minority influence by becoming upstanders.To become an upstander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation.Trust me, compassionate comment help abate the negativity.We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi foundation in the US.In the UK, there’s anti-bullying pro, and in Australia, there’s project rockit.We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression.We all want to be heard, but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention.The internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world.We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion.Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.I’d like to end on a personal note.In the past nine months, the question I’ve been asked the most is why.Why now? why was I sticking my head above the parapet? You can read between the lines in those questions, and the answer has nothing to do with politics.The top note answer was and is because it’s time: time to stop tip-toeing around my past;time to stop living a life of opprobrium;and time to take back my narrative.It’s also not just about saving myself.Anyone who is suffering from shame and public humiliation needs to know one thing: you can survive it.I know it’s hard.It may not be painless, quick or easy, but you can insist on a different ending to your story.Have compassion for yourself.We all deserve compassion, and to live both online and off in a more compassionate world.Thank you for listening.

第二篇：莱温斯基TED演讲 中英对照

The price of shame

主讲人：莫妮卡 莱温斯基

主题：耻辱的代价

You're looking at a woman who was publicly silent for a decade.Obviously, that's changed, but only recently.站在你们面前的是一个在大众面前沉默了十年之久的女人。当然，现在情况不一样了，不过这只是最近发生的事。

It was several months ago that I gave my very first major public talk at the Forbes 30 Under 30 summit:1,500 brilliant people, all under the age of 30.That meant that in 1998, the oldest among the group were only 14, and the youngest, just four.I joked with them that some might only have heard of me from rap songs.Yes, I'm in rap songs.Almost 40 rap songs.几个月前，我在《福布斯》杂志举办的“30岁以下”峰会（Under 30 Summit）上发表了首次公开演讲。现场1500位才华横溢的与会者都不到30岁。这意味着1998年，他们中最年长的是14岁，而最年轻的只有4岁。我跟他们开玩笑道，他们中有些人可能只在说唱歌曲里听到过我的名字。是的，大约有40首说唱歌曲唱过我。

But the night of my speech, a surprising thing happened.At the age of 41, I was hit on by a 27-year-old guy.I know, right? He was charming and I was flattered, and I declined.You know what his unsuccessful pickup line was? He could make me feel 22 again.I realized later that night, I'm probably the only person over 40 who does not want to be 22 again.但是，在我演讲当晚，发生了一件令人吃惊的事——我作为一个41岁的女人，被一个27岁的男孩示爱。我知道，这听上去不太可能对吧？他很迷人，说了很多恭维我的话，然后我拒绝了他。你知道他为何搭讪失败吗？他说，他可以让我感到又回到了22岁。后来，那晚我意识到，也许我是年过40岁的女人中唯一一个不想重返22岁的人。

At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss, and at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.Can I see a show of hands of anyone here who didn't make a mistake or do something they regretted at 22? Yep.That's what I thought.So like me, at 22, a few of you may have also taken wrong turns and fallen in love with the wrong person, maybe even your boss.Unlike me, though, your boss probably wasn't the president of the United States of America.Of course, life is full of surprises.Not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of my mistake, and I regret that mistake deeply.22岁时，我爱上了我的老板；24岁的时，我饱受了这场恋爱带来的灾难性的后果。现场的观众们，如果你们在22岁的时候没有犯过错，或者没有做过让自己后悔的事，请举起手好吗？是的，和我想的一样。与我一样，22岁时，你们中有一些人也曾走过弯路，爱上了不该爱的人，也许是你们的老板。但与我不同的是，你们的老板可能不会是美国总统。当然，人生充满惊奇。之后的每一天，我都会想起自己所犯的错误，并为之深深感到后悔。

In 1998, after having been swept up into an improbable romance, I was then swept up into the eye of a political, legal and media maelstrom like we had never seen before.Remember, just a few years earlier,news was consumed from just three places: reading a newspaper or magazine, listening to the radio, or watching television.That was it.But that wasn't my fate.Instead, this scandal was brought to you by the digital revolution.That meant we could access all the information we wanted, when we wanted it, anytime, anywhere, and when the story broke in January 1998, it broke online.It was the first time the traditional news was usurped by the Internet for a major news story, a click that reverberated around the world.饱受网络欺凌之苦 1998年，在卷入一场不可思议的恋情后，我又被卷入了一场前所未有的政治、法律和舆论漩涡的中心。记得吗？几年前，新闻一般通过三个途径传播：读报纸杂志、听广播、和看电视，仅此而已。但我的命运并不是仅此而已。这桩丑闻是通过数字革命传播的。这意味着我们可以获取任何我们需要的信息，不论何时何地。这则新闻在1998年1月爆发时，它也在互联网上火了。这是互联网第一次在重大新闻事件报道中超越了传统媒体。只要轻点一下鼠标，就会在全世界引起反响。

What that meant for me personally was that overnight I went from being a completely private figure to a publicly humiliated one worldwide.I was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.This rush to judgment, enabled by technology, led to mobs of virtual stone-throwers.Granted, it was before social media, but people could still comment online, email stories, and, of course, email cruel jokes.News sources plastered photos of me all over to sell newspapers, banner ads online, and to keep people tuned to the TV.Do you recall a particular image of me, say, wearing a beret? 对我个人而言，这则新闻让我一夜之间从一个无名小卒变成了全世界人民公开羞辱的对象。我成了第一个经历在全世界范围内名誉扫地的“零号病人”。科技是这场草率审判的始作俑者，无数暴民向我投掷石块。当然，那时还没有社交媒体，但人们依然可以在网上发表评论，通过电子邮件传播新闻和残酷的玩笑。新闻媒体贴满了我的照片，借此来兜售报纸，为网页吸引广告商，提高电视收视率。记得当时的那张照片吗？我戴着贝雷帽的照片。

Now, I admit I made mistakes, especially wearing that beret.But the attention and judgment that I received, not the story, but that I personally received, was unprecedented.I was branded as a tramp, tart, slut, whore, bimbo, and, of course, that woman.I was seen by many but actually known by few.And I get it: it was easy to forget that that woman was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unbroken.现在，我承认我犯了错，特别是不该戴那顶贝雷帽。但是，除了事件本身，我因此受到的关注和审判是前所未有的。我被贴上“淫妇”、“妓女”，“荡妇”，“婊子”，“蠢女人”的标签，当然，还有“那个女人”。许多人看到了我，但很少有人真正了解我。对此我表示理解，因为人们很容易忘记“那个女人”也是一个活生生的人，她也有灵魂，她也曾过着平静的生活。

When this happened to me 17 years ago, there was no name for it.Now we call it cyberbullying and online harassment.Today, I want to share some of my experience with you, talk about how that experience has helped shape my cultural observations, and how I hope my past experience can lead to a change that results in less suffering for others.17年前，对于我经历的这些遭遇还没有一个专有名词。现在，我们称之为“网络欺凌”和“网上骚扰”。今天我要与你们分享一些我的经历，我想谈谈那次经历是如何形成了我的文化观察，我希望我过去的经历能够产生一些改变，减少他人的痛苦。

In 1998, I lost my reputation and my dignity.I lost almost everything, and I almost lost my life.1998年，我失去了名誉和尊严。我几乎失去了所有，我几乎失去了我的人生。丑闻爆发之后，铺天盖地都是对此事件的报道。Let me paint a picture for you.It is September of 1998.I'm sitting in a windowless office room inside the Office of the Independent Counsel underneath humming fluorescent lights.I'm listening to the sound of my voice, my voice on surreptitiously taped phone calls that a supposed friend had made the year before.I’m here because I've been legally required to personally authenticate all 20 hours of taped conversation.For the past eight months, the mysterious content of these tapes has hung like the Sword of Damocles over my head.I mean, who can remember what they said a year ago?

让我来描绘这样一幅场景：1998年9月的一天，我坐在美国独立检察官办公室一间没有窗的屋子里，头顶上的日光灯嗡嗡作响。我正在听我的录音，那是一位所谓的朋友偷偷录下的电话谈话。我被依法要求鉴定那20个小时的电话录音是真实的。在过去的八个月里，这些录音带中神秘的内容就像一把悬在我头顶的达摩克利斯之剑。我的意思是，有谁会记得自己一年前说过的话？ Scared and mortified, I listen, listen as I prattle on about the flotsam and jetsam of the day;listen as I confess my love for the president, and, of course, my heartbreak;listen to my sometimes catty, sometimes churlish, sometimes silly self being cruel, unforgiving, uncouth;listen, deeply, deeply ashamed, to the worst version of myself,a self I don't even recognize.在恐惧和羞愧中，我听着录音，听我闲扯每天发生的琐碎之事；听我坦白对总统的爱慕，当然，还有我的心碎；听有时尖酸，有时粗鲁，有时愚蠢的我是如何冷酷，无情，无理取闹。我带着深深的羞愧听着那个最糟糕的我的声音，糟糕到我自己都不认识了。A few days later, the Starr Report is released to Congress, and all of those tapes and trans, those stolen words, form a part of it.That people can read the trans is horrific enough, but a few weeks later, the audio tapes are aired on TV, and significant portions made available online.The public humiliation was excruciating.Life was almost unbearable.几天后，斯塔尔报告提交至国会，那些录音带和文字记录，那些被窃取的言语，都是这份报告的一部分。人们能够读到这些文字对我来说已经够恐怖了，但是几个星期后，那些录音又在电视上播放，有一些重要的内容还被发布在网络上。公开的羞辱让我饱受折磨。这样的生活让我几乎无法忍受。

This was not something that happened with regularity back then in 1998, and by this, I mean the stealing of people's private words, actions，conversations or photos, and then making them public--public without consent, public without context, and public without compassion.在1998年，我所说的这些还并不常见。我指的是窃取他人私下的言语、行动、谈话内容和照片，并公之于众——在未经本人同意，未交待背景的情况下，毫无恻隐之心地将这些内容公之于众。

Fast forward 12 years to 2010, and now social media has been born.The landscape has sadly become much more populated with instances like mine, whether or not someone actually make a mistake, and now it's for both public and private people.The consequences for some have become dire, very dire.快进到12年后的2010年，社交媒体诞生了。可悲的是，社交媒体上充斥着更多像我这样的例子，不管这个当事人是不是真的犯了错，而且，公众人物和普罗大众都深受其害。对于有些人来说，后果是严重的，非常严重。

I was on the phone with my mom in September of 2010, and we were talking about the news of a young college freshman from Rutgers University named Tyler Clementi.Sweet, sensitive, creative Tyler was secretly webcammed by his roommate while being intimate with another man.When the online world learned of this incident, the ridicule and cyberbullying ignited.A few days later, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death.He was 18.2010年9月的一天，我正在和我的母亲通电话，我们在讨论一则新闻，关于罗格斯大学的一个名叫泰勒 克莱门蒂的大一新生。可爱、敏感、富有创意的克莱门蒂被室友偷拍到和另一个男人有亲密关系。当这个视频在网络世界曝光后，嘲笑和网络欺凌的火种被点燃。几天后，泰勒从乔治华盛顿大桥上纵身跳下。一个年仅18岁的生命就这样逝去。

My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family, and she was gutted with painin a way that I just couldn't quite understand, and then eventually I realized she was reliving 1998, reliving a time when she sat by my bed every night, reliving a time when she made me shower with the bathroom door open, and reliving a time when both of my parents feared that I would be humiliated to death,literally.我母亲在讲到泰勒和他的家人时情绪有些失控，她所表现出的痛苦让我并不十分理解。后来，我才终于意识到，她正在重新经历1998年发生的一切。重新经历她每晚坐在我的床头的时候；重新经历她要我开着浴室门洗澡的时候，重新经历她和父亲担心我会因为受到羞辱而自寻短见的时候。真的是这样。

Today, too many parents haven't had the chance to step in and rescue their loved ones.Too many have learned of their child's suffering and

humiliation after it was too late.今天，太多父母没有机会及时介入来拯救他们挚爱的孩子。太多的人，当他们获悉自己的孩子的痛苦和受到的羞辱时，已为时已晚。

Tyler's tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me.It served to recontextualize my experiences, and I then began to look at the world of humiliation and bullying around me and see something different.泰勒悲惨而毫无意义的死亡对我来说是一个转折点。他让我开始重新审视我的亲身经历，他让我开始观察身边这个充满羞辱和欺凌的世界，让我看到了不同的东西。In 1998, we had no way of knowing where this brave new technology called the Internet would take us.Since then, it has connected people in unimaginable ways, joining lost siblings, saving lives, launching revolutions, but the darkness, cyberbullying, and slut-shaming that I experienced had mushroomed.1998年，没有人知道这种名叫“因特网”的新技术会把人类带向何方。自诞生以来，因特网用难以想象的方式将人类联系起来。它让人们找到失散的兄弟姐妹、拯救生命、发起革命，但是我所遭受的黑暗、网络欺凌和被称为“荡妇”的羞辱也如雨后春笋般疯长。Every day online, people, especially young people who are not developmentally equipped to handle this, are so abused and humiliated that they can't imagine living to the next day, and some, tragically, don't, and

there's nothing virtual about that.ChildLine, a U.K.nonprofit that's focused on helping young people on various issues,released a staggering statistic late last year: From 2012 to 2013, there was an 87 percent increase in calls and emails related to cyberbullying.A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying.And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was other research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.每天，在网络上都会有人，特别是年轻人被辱骂和羞辱，而他们对此束手无策。这些辱骂和羞辱让他们想立刻死去。悲剧的是，有些人，真的因此死去。这一点儿也不虚拟。

ChildLine是英国一个致力于帮助年轻人解决各种问题的公益组织。去年年底，该组织公布了一组令人震惊的数据：从2012年到2013年，与网络欺凌有关的电话和邮件数量增加了87%。一份来自荷兰的综合分析首次披露，网络欺凌比线下欺凌更容易让人产生自杀的念头。去年，还有一项研究让我震惊，尽管我并不该感到震惊。研究显示，羞辱是比快乐或者生气更为强烈的情绪。Cruelty to others is nothing new, but online, technologically enhanced shaming is amplified, uncontained, and permanently accessible.残忍对待他人不是什么新鲜事，但是，在互联网上，技术让羞辱放大，一发而不可收，并且永远可以被看到。

The echo of embarrassment used to extend only as far as your family, village, school or community, but now it's the online community too.Millions of people, often anonymously, can stab you with their words, and that's a lot of pain, and there are no perimeters around how many people can publicly observe you and put you in a public stockade.There is a very personal price to public humiliation, and the growth of the Internet has jacked up that price.过去，丑闻最多在你的家庭、村庄、学校或者社区传播。但是现在也在网络社区流传。数百万的网民，经常匿名地恶语相向，这带来很多痛苦。而且，到底有多少人可以公开地关注你，让你成为众矢之的？这是无法计算的。被公开羞辱对个人而言代价很大，而互联网的发展加剧了这种代价。

For nearly two decades now, we have slowly been sowing the seeds of shame and public humiliation in our cultural soil, both on-and offline.Gossip websites, paparazzi, reality programming, politics, news outlets and

sometimes hackers all traffic in shame.It's led to desensitization and a

permissive environment online which lends itself to trolling, invasion of privacy, and cyberbullying.This shift has created what Professor Nicolaus Mills calls a culture of humiliation.近20年来，我们慢慢地在文化的土壤中播下耻辱和公开羞辱的种子，无论是线上还是线下。八卦网站、狗仔队、真人秀节目、政治、新闻媒体，有时甚至是黑客都是羞辱的通道。冷酷、放纵的网络环境助长了网络煽动、侵犯个人隐私、和网络欺凌。这种转变形成了一种尼古拉斯

米尔斯教授所说的羞辱文化。Consider a few prominent examples just from the past six months alone.Snapchat, the service which is used mainly by younger generationsand claims that its messages only have the lifespan of a few

seconds.You can imagine the range of content that that gets.A third-party app which Snapchatters use to preserve the lifespan of the messages was hacked, and 100,000 personal conversations, photos, and videos were leaked online to now have a lifespan of forever.想想最近六个月发生的事情。Snapchat是一项主要是年轻人使用的服务，它号称所有的信息只有几秒钟的寿命。你可以想象这些信息会包含哪些内容。Snapchat用户使用的保存信息的第三方应用被黑客攻击，近10万名用户的私人谈话、照片、视频被泄露到网上。现在，它们可以永久保留了。Jennifer Lawrence and several other actors had their iCloud accounts hacked, and private, intimate, nude photos were plastered across the Internet without their permission.One gossip website had over five million hits for this one story.And what about the Sony Pictures

cyberhacking? The documents which received the most attention were private emails that had maximum public embarrassment value.詹妮弗 劳伦斯和其他几位演员的iCloud账户被攻击，他们所有私人的、亲密的、裸体的照片在未经允许的情况下在互联网上铺天盖地地传播。一个八卦网站仅仅因为这一则新闻就获得了超过500万的点击量。索尼影视被黑客攻击的情况又如何呢？最受关注的文件是那些公开羞辱价值最大的私人电子邮件。

But in this culture of humiliation, there is another kind of price tag attached to public shaming.The price does not measure the cost to the victim, which Tyler and too many others, notably women, minorities,and members of the LGBTQ community have paid, but the price measures the profit of those who prey on them.This invasion of others is a raw material, efficiently and ruthlessly mined, packaged and sold at a profit.但是在这种羞辱文化中，公开羞辱还被贴上了另一种价格标签。这个价格标签衡量的并不是受害者付出的代价，比如泰勒、还有其他很多人，特别是妇女，少数群体和同性恋、双性恋、变性群体(LGBTQ)成员所付出的代价，而是衡量损害他们利益的牟利者的收益。侵入他人领域成了一种原材料，被人以最快的速度无情地挖掘，打包并出售。

A marketplace has emerged where public humiliation is a commodity and shame is an industry.How is the money made? Clicks.The more shame, the more clicks.The more clicks, the more advertising dollars.We're in a dangerous cycle.The more we click on this kind of gossip, the more numb we get to the human lives behind it, and the more numb we get, the more we click.一个市场横空出世，公开羞辱是商品，耻辱变成了一种产业。靠什么赚钱呢？点击。耻辱越多，点击越多。点击越多，广告收入就越多。我们身处一个恶性循环。我们对这类八卦点击得越多，我们就会对故事背后的当事人越麻木。我们越麻木，就越会去点击。

All the while, someone is making money off of the back of someone else's suffering.With every click, we make a choice.The more we saturate our culture with public shaming, the more accepted it is, the more we will see behavior like cyberbullying, trolling, some forms of hacking, and online harassment.Why? Because they all have humiliation at their cores.This behavior is a symptom of the culture we've created.Just think about it.与此同时，有些人把自己的利益建立在他人的痛苦之上，每一次点击，我们都是在做出选择。我们文化中充斥的公开耻辱越多，它就越容易被接受，我们就会看到越多的网络欺凌、网络煽动、某些形式的黑客入侵，和线上骚扰。为什么呢？因为它们的核心都是羞辱。这种行为成为了我们所创造的一种文化病症。想想吧。

Changing behavior begins with evolving beliefs.We've seen that to be true with racism, homophobia, and plenty of other biases, today and in the past.As we've changed beliefs about same-sex marriage, more people have been offered equal freedoms.When we began valuing sustainability, more people began to recycle.向网络欺凌说不。改变行为从改变信念开始。不管是现在还是过去，无论是种族歧视、同性恋歧视和其它很多的歧视，都是这样来消除的。随着对同性恋结婚观念的改变，更多人被赋予了平等的自由。随着对可持续性的提倡，越来越多的人开始循环利用。

So as far as our culture of humiliation goes, what we need is a cultural revolution.Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop, and it's time for an intervention on the Internet and in our culture.对于羞辱的文化也应该如此。我们需要文化革命。公开羞辱这种血腥的运动应该终止，是时候对英特网和我们的文化采取干预行动了。

The shift begins with something simple, but it's not easy.We need to return to a long-held value of compassion--compassion and empathy.Online, we've got a compassion deficit, an empathy crisis.Researcher Brené Brown said, and I quote, “Shame can't survive empathy.” Shame cannot survive empathy.I've seen some very dark days in my life, and it was the compassion and empathy from my family, friends, professionals, and sometimes even strangers that saved me.转变可以从简单的事开始，不过这也不容易。我们需要回归人类固有的一种价值，也就是同情心和同理心。互联网正经历着同情心匮乏和同理心危机。引用研究者布林 布朗的话来说就是，“羞辱在同理心之下无法存活”。羞辱在同理心之下无法存活。我的人生中有过一些非常黑暗的日子，是来自家人、朋友、专业人士、甚至是一些陌生人的同情心和同理心拯救了我。

Even empathy from one person can make a difference.The theory of minority influence, proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that even in small numbers, when there's consistency over time, change can happen.In the online world, we can foster minority influence by becoming upstanders.To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation.哪怕只有一个人的同情也会产生改变。社会心理学家谢尔盖 莫斯科维奇提出了小众影响理论。他说，哪怕是小众人群，只要能坚持下去，也能做出改变。在网络世界中，我们可以成为行动派，培养小众影响力。成为行动派意味着不再袖手旁观，而是发表积极评论或是举报欺凌现象。

Trust me, compassionate comments help abate the negativity.We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S., In the U.K., there's Anti-Bullying Pro, and in Australia, there's Project Rockit.相信我，表达同情的评论能够削弱负面影响。我们还可以通过支持处理这类问题的组织机构来对抗这种羞辱文化。例如，美国有泰勒 克莱门蒂基金，英国有反欺凌项目，澳大利亚有Rockit项目。

We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression.We all want to be heard, but let's acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention.The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world.We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion.Just imagine walking a mile in someone else's headline.I'd like to end on a personal note.关于言论自由的权力我们讨论了很多，但我们还应该更多地谈谈享受言论自由时所承担的责任。我们都希望自己的声音被听到，但是我们要区分有意图的发声和寻求关注的发声。因特网是表达自我的超级高速公路，但是，站在他人角度考虑问题对我们都是有利的，而且能够帮助创建更安全，更美好的世界。

我们需要怀着同情心在网络上交流，怀着同情心阅读新闻，怀着同情心点击鼠标。试着想象活在别人的新闻头条里。

In the past nine months, the question I've been asked the most is why.Why now? Why was I sticking my head above the parapet? You can read between the lines in those questions, and the answer has nothing to do with politics.最后我想以个人说明做总结。过去九个月里，我被人问得最多的问题是“为什么”。为什么是现在？为什么要逆流而上？你们应该可以听出这些问题的言外之意。答案与政治无关。

The top note answer was and is because it's time: time to stop tip-toeing around my past;time to stop living a life of opprobrium;and time to take back my narrative.It's also not just about saving myself.Anyone who is suffering from shame and public humiliation needs to know one thing: You can survive it.I know it's hard.It may not be painless, quick or easy, but you can insist on a different ending to your story.我的答案是，因为是时候了，是时候不再为过去而过得如履薄冰，是时候结束背负骂名的生活，是时候夺回我的话语权了。这不仅仅是为了拯救我自己。任何遭受耻辱和公开羞辱的人，都需要明白一点：你能挺过来。我知道这很难，肯定会伴随痛苦，肯定不会又快又轻松，但你可以通过你的坚持，书写一个不同的故事结局。

Have compassion for yourself.We all deserve compassion, and to live both online and off in a more compassionate world.同情自己。我们都值得同情，无论线上还是线下，我们都应该生活在一个更富有同情心的世界。Thank you for listening.谢谢聆听！

第三篇：TED演讲：如何平衡生活与工作

TED演讲：如何平衡生活与工作

What I thought I would do is I would start with a simple request.I'd like all of you to pause for a moment, you wretched weaklings, and take stock of your miserable existence.(Laughter)

Now that was the advice that St.Benedict gave his rather startled followers in the fifth century.It was the advice that I decided to follow myself when I turned 40.Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior--I was eating too much, I was drinking too much, I was working too hard and I was neglecting the family.And I decided that I would try and turn my life around.In particular, I decided I would try to address the thorny issue of work-life balance.So I stepped back from the workforce, and I spent a year at home with my wife and four young children.But all I learned about work-life balance from that year was that I found it quite easy to balance work and life when I didn't have any work.(Laughter)Not a very useful skill, especially when the money runs out.So I went back to work, and I've spent these seven years since struggling with, studying and writing about work-life balance.And I have four observations I'd like to share with you today.The first is: if society's to make any progress on this issue, we need an honest debate.But the trouble is so many people talk so much rubbish about work-life balance.All the discussions about flexi-time or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave only serve to mask the core issue, which is that certain job and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day-to-day basis with a young family.Now the first step in solving any problem is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.And the reality of the society that we're in is there are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hate to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.(Laughter)(Applause)It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.(Laughter)The second observation I'd like to make is we need to face the truth that governments and corporations aren't going to solve this issue for us.We should stop looking outside.It's up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives that we want to lead.If you don't design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance.It's particularly important--this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired--it's particularly important that you never put the quality of your life in the hands of a commercial corporation.Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies--the “abattoirs of the human soul,” as I call them.(Laughter)I'm talking about all companies.Because commercial companies are inherently designed to get as much out of you [as] they can get away with.It's in their nature;it's in their DNA;it's what they do--even the good, well-intentioned companies.On the one hand, putting childcare facilities in the workplace is wonderful and enlightened.On the other hand, it's a nightmare--it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life.The third observation is we have to be careful with the time frame that we choose upon which to judge our balance.Before I went back to work after my year at home, I sat down and I wrote out a detailed, step-by-step description of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to.And it went like this: wake up well rested after a good night's sleep.Have sex.Walk the dog.Have breakfast with my wife and children.Have sex again.(Laughter)Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.Do three hours' work.Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.Do another three hours' work.Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids.Meditate for half an hour.Have sex.Walk the dog.Have sex again.Go to bed.(Applause)How often do you think I have that day?(Laughter)We need to be realistic.You can't do it all in one day.We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the “I'll have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, I've got no mates or interests left.”(Laughter)A day is too short;“after I retire” is too long.There's got to be a middle way.A fourth observation: We need to approach balance in a balanced way.A friend came to see me last year--and she doesn't mind me telling this story--a friend came to see me last year and said, “Nigel, I've read your book.And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.It's totally dominated by work.I work 10 hours a day;I commute two hours a day.All of my relationships have failed.There's nothing in my life apart from my work.So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.So I joined a gym.”(Laughter)Now I don't mean to mock, but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat isn't more balanced;it's more fit.(Laughter)Lovely though physical exercise may be, there are other parts to life--there's the intellectual side;there's the emotional side;there's the spiritual side.And to be balanced, I believe we have to attend to all of those areas--not just do 50 stomach crunches.Now that can be daunting.Because people say, “Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.You want me to go to church and call my mother.” And I understand.I truly understand how that can be daunting.But an incident that happened a couple of years ago gave me a new perspective.My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today, called me up at the office and said, “Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son”--Harry--“up from school.” Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.So I left work an hour early that afternoon and picked Harry up at the school gates.We walked down to the local park, messed around on the swings, played some silly games.I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe, and we shared a pizza for two, then walked down the hill to our home, and I gave him his bath and put him in his Batman pajamas.I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's “James and the Giant Peach.” I then put him to bed, tucked him in, gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, “Goodnight, mate,” and walked out of his bedroom.As I was walking out of his bedroom, he said, “Dad?” I went, “Yes, mate?” He went, “Dad, this has been the best day of my life, ever.” I hadn't done anything, hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.Now my point is the small things matter.Being more balanced doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.With the smallest investment in the right places, you can radically transform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life.Moreover, I think, it can transform society.Because if enough people do it, we can change society's definition of success away from the moronically simplistic notion that the person with the most money when he dies wins, to a more thoughtful and balanced definition of what a life well lived looks like.And that, I think, is an idea worth spreading.(Applause)

第四篇：TED演讲：改变你的人生,两分钟就够了

改变你的人生，两分钟就够了

【摘要】这是一篇TED演讲。我们的身体姿态会改变我们分泌的荷尔蒙，而不同的荷尔蒙会改变我们的行为，我们的行为最终会改变结果。这不是你对待别人的方式，而是你与自己对话。用两分钟改变自己的身体姿态，最终改变人生。在阅读这篇文章之前，请先留意一下你身体的姿势。你是在让自己的身体缩小，占用更少的空间，还是尽量延展自己的身体？读完这篇文章你就知道答案了。身体语言是人与人之间沟通和相互关联的方式。你的身体语言在向别人传递特定的信息，反之亦然。社会科学家用了很多时间研究人们的身体语言是如何影响判断。我们自己也会受到我们的非语言行为，思想，感受和生理的影响。今天这个演讲就是关于强大和主导性的非语言表达。

什么是强大和主导性的非语言表达？在动物王国里，身体的扩张体现了强大和主导性，即动物使自己的体型变大，向外延展占有更多的空间，是最基本的开放。人类也是一样的。人们伸展身躯，那一刻他们会感受到强大。与这种感觉相反的是当他们缩小身躯，包裹住自己，不希望撞到旁边的人。当强气场的人与弱气场的人在一起，双方都试图去完善对方的非语言行为，即遇弱则强，遇强则弱。人们不是镜像对方，而是做与之相反的行为。

我在教室里观察这个行为。我发现MBA的学生会真正地、最大化地通过非语言行为表达强大。他们会径直走到教室的中央，当他们坐下的时候，是那种延展的姿态。他们高高地举手。你会看到一些人进来像是把自己折叠起来一样，你从他们的脸上和身体上就可以读出这种感觉。他们缩着身体坐下来。你可能会奇怪，这似乎适合性别有关系，女性较之男性更容易产生后者的行为。

此外，还有一种情况，强大的身体姿态似乎还反应了学生的参与度。参与度对MBA非常重要，因为参与度占到一半的学分。因此商业学校试图缩小这种由于性别带来的分数差异。我在想如果人们走入教室时是那种强大的姿态，是否就可以更好地参与到教学活动中。也就是说是否有可能让人们假装强大，而这种强大又会导致他们更多地参与？

我和我的同事Dana Carney致力于研究我们是否可以让自己假装强大而真的变得强大。我们有很多证据证明我们的非语言行为影响着别人对我们有怎样的印象和感受。那么，我们的非语言行为是否能够影响我们对自己的认知？

有些证据可以证明这种影响是存在的。当我们心情愉悦的时候，我们会笑。同样，当我们强迫自己笑一笑，这会让我们感觉高兴。以此类推，当你感觉到自己强大时，你可能正这样做，但是也有可能当你假装强大时，你实际上也可能会认为自己强大。

既然我们的行为能够改变我们的身体，那么我们的身体是否可以改变我们的荷尔蒙？那么什么是有力量的荷尔蒙，什么又是缺少力量的荷尔蒙呢？前者是更加自信，乐观，甚至认为自己在机会游戏中都能赢。他们能够抽象地思考，愿意冒险。有力量和没有力量的人之间有很多不同。从生理上来说，这也是睾丸素和皮质醇这两种主要荷尔蒙的区别。前者是主导性荷尔蒙，后者是压力荷尔蒙。通过一系列的实验证明两分钟的身体姿态会改变刺激你大脑的荷尔蒙，他们可以使你变得自信，舒适，或者只是应对压力，感觉到沮丧。因此，我们的非语言是能够控制我们如何认识自己，不仅仅是对方会如何看待我们。我们的身体姿态能够改变我们分泌的荷尔蒙。

这分别是有力量和缺乏力量的五种身体语言。

也许有人会说，“我不要这样做，感觉是假的。”“我不这样做，这不是我。”“我不想感觉像个冒牌货。”“我不想感觉是个骗子。”“我不希望这样做，只是我觉得自己不属于这里。”我想说的是假装强大不仅仅是直到你可以做到，而是要你真正变得强大。要做的更加彻底，直到你真正变成，而且内化为这样。

两分钟可以产生有意义的改变。下次再经历被评估的高压环境时，试图摆出有力量的姿势两分钟，可以在电梯，在盥洗室，在一扇紧关的门后面。这就是你要做的，配置你大脑，让他能够最好地适应环境。睾丸素升高，皮质醇降低。让你在高压环境下能够充分而真实地表现自己。

我们的身体姿态会改变我们分泌的荷尔蒙，而不同的荷尔蒙会改变我们的行为，我们的行为最终会改变结果。这不是你对待别人的方式，而是你与自己对话。与你们的朋友分享这个科学理论，用两分钟改变自己的身体姿态，最终改变人生。（来自 知行软技能 微信号：zxrjn01）

第五篇：ted演讲 怎样的人生更有意义这里有4点建议

TED演讲

怎样的人生更有意义？这里有4点建议

在日渐浮躁的今天我们不盲从、不封闭、不恶意评判用TED 开阔视野There's more to life than being happyTED简介：2017 | 活中我们是不能只有乏味和痛苦的，需要不断追求快乐，人生才有意思。但是这个世界似乎总是无法满足追求快乐的人，这是为什么？作家艾米丽·史密斯（Emily Smith）女士来到TED演讲，提出了几点建议，告诉大家怎样的人生才有意义。演讲者：Emily Smith片长：12：06只看英文字幕视频点阅读原文

中英对照翻译I used to think the whole purpose of lifewas pursuing happiness.Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so Isearched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift.And I wasn'talone;my friends--they struggled with this, too.我以前认为人生的目标就是追求快乐。人人都说，成功是通往快乐的路，所以我去寻找理想的工作、完美的男友、漂亮的公寓。但我没有感到圆满，反而觉得焦虑跟漫无目的。且不只有我这样；我的朋友们──他们也有这种困扰。

Eventually, I decided to go to graduateschool for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy.But whatI discovered there changed my life.The data showed that chasing happiness canmake people unhappy.And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate hasbeen rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America.我最后决定去研究所读正向心理学，去找出什么能让人开心。但我在那儿的发现，改变了我的人生。数据显示，追求快乐会让人不快乐。真正让我震惊的是这点：全球的自杀率不断攀升，最近在美国达到三十年来的新高。Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivablestandard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone.There's an emptinessgnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feelit.Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And accordingto the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness.It's alack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.虽然客观来说，生活变好了，从每个能想到的标准来看皆是如此，却有更多人感到无助、沮丧、及孤独。有一种空虚感在侵蚀人们，并不需被临床诊断出沮丧也能感觉到这个现象。我想，迟早我们都会想要知道：难道就只有这样而已吗？根据研究，绝望的原因并不是缺乏快乐，而是缺乏某样东西，是缺乏人生意义。But that raised some questions for me.Isthere more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between beinghappy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as astate of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment.Meaning, though, isdeeper.但这就让我产生了一些问题。难道人生不只是要快乐吗？活得快乐和活得有意义之间有什么差别？许多心理学家把快乐定义为一种舒服自在的状态，在当下感觉很好。而意义则更深。

The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes frombelonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the bestwithin you.Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see thatseeking meaning is the more fulfilling path.And the studies show that peoplewho have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school andat work, and they even live longer.知名心理学家马丁赛里格曼说，意义来自归属感、致力于超越自我之外的事物，以及从内在发展出最好的自己。我们的文化对「快乐」相当痴迷，但我发现，寻找意义才是更让人满足的道路。且研究指出，有人生意义的人适应力也会比较强，他们在学校及职场的表现较佳，他们甚至活得比较久。

So this all made me wonder: How can we eachlive more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundredsof people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscienceand philosophy.Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I callfour pillars of a meaningful life.And we can each create lives of meaning bybuilding some or all of these pillars in our lives.所以这一切让我开始想，我们每个人要如何活得有意义？为了找出答案，我花了五年时间，访谈了数百人，阅读了数千页的心理学、神经科学、及哲学。把这些汇整起来，我发现了一件事，我称之为「人生意义的四大支柱」。我们可以彼此相互建立起这些支柱，在彼此的人生中找到人生的意义。The first pillar is belonging.Belongingcomes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you areintrinsically and where you value others as well.But some groups andrelationships deliver a cheap form of belonging;you're valued for what youbelieve, for who you hate, not for who you are.True belonging springs fromlove.It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice--you canchoose to cultivate belonging with others.第一根支柱是归属感。归属感来自于一种关系，一种你与他人在本质上彼此是否处在相互珍惜的关系中。但有些群体或关系，提供的是廉价形式的归属感；你被重视的原因是因为你所相信的事物、你对人的好恶、而不是你的本质。真正的归属感源自于爱。它存在于个体间共处的时光当中，且它是一种选择──你可以选择与他人培养归属感。

Here's an example.Each morning, my friendJonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York.They don'tjust conduct a transaction, though.They take a moment to slow down, talk, andtreat each other like humans.But one time, Jonathan didn't have the rightchange, and the vendor said, 'Don't worry about it.' But Jonathaninsisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't needto make change.But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back.He was hurt.He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.举例来说，每天早晨，我在纽约的朋友强纳森都会向同一个街头小贩买一份报纸。不过，他们并不是只有交易的关系。他们会停下来，花点时间说说话，把彼此当朋友对待。但有一次，强纳森的零钱不够，小贩说：「没关系不用了啦。」但强纳森坚持要付钱，所以他去一家店，买了他不需要的东西，把钞票找开。但当他把钱给小贩时，小贩退缩了。他感到受伤。他试着想表现友好，但强纳森拒绝了他。

I think we all reject people in small wayslike this without realizing it.I do.I'll walk by someone I know and barelyacknowledge them.I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me.These actsdevalue others.They make them feel invisible and unworthy.But when you leadwith love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.我想，我们都曾像这样在小地方拒绝别人却没有意识到。我就有过。我会从认识的人旁边走过，却没跟他们打招呼。当有人在跟我说话时，我会看手机。这类行为是在贬低别人的价值，让他们觉得自己是隐形的、不值得的。但若用爱来引导，你就会创造出一种联结，让你们彼此都振奋起来。For many people, belonging is the mostessential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends.For others, thekey to meaning is the second pillar: purpose.Now, finding your purpose is notthe same thing as finding that job that makes you happy.Purpose is less aboutwhat you want than about what you give.A hospital custodian told me herpurpose is healing sick people.Many parents tell me, 'My purpose israising my children.' The key to purpose is using your strengths to serveothers.对很多人来说，归属感是人生意义的重要来源，就是与家人及朋友之间的联结。对其他人来说，第二根人生意义的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到让你快乐的工作。目的的重点是你能给予什么，而不是你想要什么。一位医院管理员告诉我，她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家长告诉我：「我的目的是扶养我的孩子。」目标的关键在于用你的力量去服务他人。Of course, for many of us, that happens through work.That's how wecontribute and feel needed.But that also means that issues like disengagementat work, unemployment, low labor force participation--these aren't justeconomic problems, they're existential ones, too.Without something worthwhileto do, people flounder.Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, butpurpose gives you something to live for, some 'why' that drives youforward.当然，对很多人而言，这是透过工作来达成的。那是我们做出贡献和感到被需要的方式。但这也意味着，像是无心工作、失业、低劳动参与率等等议题──这些不仅是经济问题，也是存在主义问题。人们若没有值得去做的事，就会挣扎折腾。当然，你不需要从工作中找到目的，但目的能让你有活下去的意义，有驱使你向前行的「理由」。The third pillar of meaning is also aboutstepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence.Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustleand bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feel connectedto a higher reality.For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeingart.For another person, it was at church.第三根人生意义的支柱，也和走出自我有关，但用的方式完全不同：超然。超然的状态是很少见的时刻，在这个时刻中，你超脱了日常生活的喧嚣扰攘，自我感正在渐渐消褪，你会感觉到和更高的现实产生连结。跟我谈过的其中一个人说，超然来自于欣赏艺术。另一个人则认为，超然是在教堂中。

For me, I'm a writer, and it happensthrough writing.Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of timeand place.These transcendent experiences can change you.One study hadstudents look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute.Butafterwards they felt less self-centered, and they even behaved more generouslywhen given the chance to help someone.对我来说，我是作家，而超然是透过写作发生的。有时候我太投入会有一种忘我的境界。这些超然的经验能改变你。有一项研究是让学生去看200英呎高的尤加利树，看一分钟，之后他们会比较不自我中心，若给他们机会去帮助别人，他们连行为都会变得更慷慨。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence.Now, thefourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people.The fourthpillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself.Creating anarrative from the events of your life brings clarity.It helps you understandhow you became you.But we don't always realize that we're the authors of ourstories and can change the way we're telling them.Your life isn't just a listof events.You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you'reconstrained by the facts.归属感、目的、超然。接着谈谈我发现的第四根支柱，它常会令人感到惊讶。第四根支柱就是说故事，你告诉你自己关于你自己的故事。用你人生中的事件来创造一个故事，能让你看得更清楚。它能协助你了解你是怎么变成你的。但我们通常没发现，我们故事的作者就是自己，且我们可以改变说故事的方式。你的生命并不只一连串的事件。即便你被事实给限制住，你仍可以编辑、诠释、再重新述说你的故事。

I met a young man named Emeka, who'd beenparalyzed playing football.After his injury, Emeka told himself, 'My lifewas great playing football, but now look at me.' People who tell storieslike this--'My life was good.Now it's bad.'--tend to be more anxiousand depressed.And that was Emeka for a while.But with time, he started toweave a different story.我遇到一位叫做埃梅卡的年轻人，他因为打美式足球而瘫痪。埃梅卡在受伤后，内心的对话是这样的：「我打美式足球的人生是非常棒的，但看看现在的我。」像这样说故事的人──「我的人生曾经很棒，现在却很糟。」──说这种故事的人比较容易焦虑和沮丧。埃梅卡有好一阵子就是这样。但随时间过去，他开始编造一个不同的故事。His new story was, 'Before my injury, my life waspurposeless.I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy.But my injury mademe realize I could be a better man.' That edit to his story changedEmeka's life.After telling the new story to himself, Emeka started mentoringkids, and he discovered what his purpose was: serving others.The psychologistDan McAdams calls this a 'redemptive story,' where the bad isredeemed by the good.People leading meaningful lives, he's found, tend to tellstories about their lives defined by redemption, growth and love.他的新故事是：「在我受伤前，我的人生没有目的。我常去派对，且我是个很自私的人。但受伤让我明白，我可以成为更好的人。」埃梅卡把他的故事进行改造，从而改变了他的一生。在对自己说完这个新故事之后，埃梅卡开始开导孩童，他找到了他的目的：服务他人。心理学家丹麦亚当斯称这现象为「救赎的故事」，用好的来救赎不好的。他发现，过着有意义人生的人，他们说的故事内容通常都是他们的人生由救赎、成长、爱来定义。But what makes people change their stories?Some people get help from a therapist, but you can do it on your own, too, justby reflecting on your life thoughtfully, how your defining experiences shapedyou, what you lost, what you gained.That's what Emeka did.You won't changeyour story overnight;it could take years and be painful.After all, we've allsuffered, and we all struggle.But embracing those painful memories can lead tonew insights and wisdom, to finding that good that sustains you.但，是什么让人们改变了他们的故事？有些人向治疗师寻求协助，但你也可以靠自己做到，只要完整地反思你的人生、你的关键经验如何造就了你、你失去了什么、获得了什么。那就是埃梅卡所做的。你不可能一夜就改变你的故事；过程可能要花好几年，且很痛苦。毕竟，我们都曾受过苦，也都在挣扎。但拥抱那些痛苦的记忆，能带来新的洞见与智慧，让你能找到那支撑着你的「善」。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence,storytelling: those are the four pillars of meaning.When I was younger, I waslucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars.My parents ran a Sufimeetinghouse from our home in Montreal.Sufism is a spiritual practiceassociated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi.Twice a week, Sufiswould come to our home to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories.Theirpractice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love,which meant being kind even when people wronged you.But it gave them apurpose: to rein in the ego.归属感、目的、超然、说故事；这些就是意义的四大支柱。在我小时候，我很幸运能够被这四根支柱给围绕着。我父母在蒙特娄的家附近开一间苏菲派的聚会所。苏菲教派是一种和旋转苦行僧及诗人鲁米有关的灵修。每周两次，苏菲教徒会到我们家里，来冥想、喝波斯茶、分享故事。他们的修行也涉及了要透过爱的小举动，来为万物服务，也就是说，即使别人冤枉你，也要仁慈以对。但那给了他们一个目的：去驾驭自我。

Eventually, I left home for college andwithout the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored.And Istarted searching for those things that make life worth living.That's what setme on this journey.Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a realculture of meaning.The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presenceof the pillars helped us all live more deeply.最后，我离开家去读大学，我的人生中少了苏菲教徒每天的基础练习，感觉像是船的缆绳被解开。我开始寻找有什么能让我的人生值得活。就是这个原因让我踩上这段旅程。现在回头看，我发现那间苏菲房舍有着一种有意义的真实文化。那些支柱是建筑的一部份，而支柱的出现，让我们都能过更有深度的生活。

Of course, the same principle applies inother strong communities as well--good ones and bad ones.Gangs, cults: theseare cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to liveand die for.But that's exactly why we as a society must offer betteralternatives.We need to build these pillars within our families and ourinstitutions to help people become their best selves.But living a meaningfullife takes work.It's an ongoing process.As each day goes by, we're constantlycreating our lives, adding to our story.And sometimes we can get off track.当然，同样的原则也适用于其他强大的社群──好的和坏的都包含在内。帮派、邪教：这些也是有意义的文化，它们利用这些支柱，给予人们活着和牺牲的意义。但那就是为什么，我们身为一个社会，必须要提供更好的替代方案。我们需要在我们的家庭及习俗制度当中建立这些支柱，来协助人们变成最好的自己。但一定要花心力，才能让人生过得有意义。它是一个持续的过程。随着每一天过去，我们不断地创造我们的人生，扩增我们的故事。有时，我们可能会误入歧途。Whenever that happens to me, I remember apowerful experience I had with my father.Several months after I graduated fromcollege, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him.Hesurvived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faceddeath, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could bethere for my brother and me, and this gave him the will to fight for life.Whenhe went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwardsfrom 10, he repeated our names like a mantra.He wanted our names to be thelast words he spoke on earth if he died.每当我遇到这状况时，我会想起我与父亲的一段经历，很有影响力的经历。我从大学毕业后几个月，我父亲罹患了严重的心脏病，本来他应该性命难保。他活下来了，我问他，当他在面对死亡时，脑中想着的是什么，他说，他唯一能想的，就是必须活下来，这样他才能陪伴我弟弟和我，这点让他有意志力能拼命活下来。当他被麻醉准备接受紧急手术时，他做的不是从10开始倒数，他把我们的名字像祈祷文般地覆颂。如果他会死，他希望他在世上说的最后几个字是我们的名字。

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.It's ahumble life, but a good life.Lying there facing death, he had a reason tolive: love.His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose as a dad, histranscendent meditation, repeating our names--these, he says, are the reasonswhy he survived.That's the story he tells himself.我的父亲是个木匠也是个苏菲教徒。他的人生是谦恭的人生，但很美好的人生。躺在那里，面对死亡，他有一个活下去的理由：爱。他在他的家庭中的归属感、他身为一名父亲的目的、他超然的冥想，不断覆颂我们的名字──他说，这些是他活下来的原因。那是他告诉他自己的故事。

That's the power of meaning.Happinesscomes and goes.But when life is really good and when things are really bad,having meaning gives you something to hold on to.那就是意义的力量。快乐来来去去。但当人生真的很美好时，当事情真的很糟糕时，若人生有意义，你就会有可以紧紧抓住的东西。

Thank you.(Applause)谢谢。（掌声）注：来转载需在文章开头注明：来自：TED博物馆 ID：TEDMORE