桑德伯格在UC伯克利毕业演讲[范文]

第一篇：桑德伯格在UC伯克利毕业演讲[范文]

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, and squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: man buns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones man who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on instagram—and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then?

As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have?

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

第二篇：桑德伯格16年加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼演讲

硅谷版―安迪‖：桑德伯格16年加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼演讲

她是硅谷版的―安迪‖，Facebook的二当家，周末加州大学伯克利分校的毕业典礼上分享了自己经历

然而正在她事业蓬勃之际，她的丈夫却早早撒手人寰，她又有着惊人的毅力克服悲痛。

在丈夫去世一年后，Facebook首席运营官雪莉·桑德伯格学会了如何更有韧性。她在周末加州大学伯克利分校的毕业典礼上分享了自己的经历，并有可能将其写入自己的第二本书中。在演讲过程中，她数度哽咽。

马克·扎克伯格在桑德伯格这篇演讲的下面评论：―如此美丽而又激励人心，谢谢你。‖

Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.谢谢玛丽。谢谢尊敬的老师们、自豪的父母、忠诚的朋友们，各位同仁。Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!祝贺所有人……尤其是伯克利2016级的毕业生们！

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that‘s just the women!

在伯克利求学是一件幸事，这里出过众多的诺贝尔奖得主、图灵奖获得者、宇航员、国会议员和奥运会金牌得主……而且都有女性！

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.伯克利从来走在时代前列。上世纪60年代，你们的前辈们倡导了言论自由运动。当时还有人说，如果男女都留长发要怎么分辨呢？现在早就有答案了：男生可以梳发髻。

Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.其实在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一届学生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大学——译者注）过了90年后才向女性颁发第一个学位。

One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I‘m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.曾经有一位女性来到这里求学，她的名字是罗莎琳德•努斯•罗姿。罗姿在纽约布鲁克林一处公寓里长大，靠擦地为生。高中时，她的父母让她辍学养家，幸好被一位老师及时劝服才能继续上学。1937年，她从伯克利毕业了，就坐在你们现在的位置。故事里的罗姿是我的祖母。直到现在，她的经历都是我强大的精神支柱。非常感谢伯克利当年慧眼识才。我还要特别恭喜成为家中第一代大学生的才俊，你们非常了不起！

Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.今天值得庆祝，你们付出了很多努力才走到今天。

Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn‘t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.今天应该感谢。要感谢帮助你们一步步走到这里的人，感谢培养你，教导你，鼓励你，为你擦过眼泪的人。至少也该感谢你在聚会上睡着后没用记号笔在你脸上乱画的小伙伴们。

Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.今天应该沉思。因为今天意味着你生命中一个时代结束，一个新时代开始。A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that‘s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don‘t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.毕业典礼致词仿佛一场青春和智慧之间的交锋。台下青春洋溢，演讲台上睿智深刻。今天我本应跟你们分享一些人生经验。然后，你们把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了发布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高兴兴地回家。Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I‘ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.但今天会有点不一样。或许你们还是会扔帽子，还是会拍很多照片。但我今天不想传授生活方面的经验，而是想讲讲从亲人离世后的领悟。

I have never spoken publicly about this before.It‘s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.我以前从未公开谈论过这件事，其实很难说出口。我会尽量控制住情绪免得哭出来，弄脏这件漂亮的伯克利长袍不太好。One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend‘s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我们去墨西哥参加朋友的50岁生日聚会。我睡了个午觉，戴夫去锻炼。接下来的事完全不可想象，我走进健身房看见他躺在地板上。后来我坐飞机回家将这个不幸的消息告诉了孩子们，最后亲眼看着他的棺材下葬。

For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.他去世后好几个月里，我经常悲伤得无法自已，内心只觉得一片无尽的空虚四处蔓延，占据了五脏六腑，我无力思考，甚至感觉像要窒息。

Dave‘s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.戴夫的死深刻地改变了我。我终于明白了什么叫切肤之痛，也体会到痛失所爱的残酷。但我也明白了，当生活给你当头一棒，堕入悲伤之海，你能做的就是奋力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲伤至空虚，或是面对巨大挑战，你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。

I‘m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.我跟你们分享亲人离世的感受，是希望能在你们走上社会时就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄灭的火苗。

Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let‘s be honest—you got an A-but you‘re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.每个从伯克利毕业的人肯定都经历过挫折。你想考A，结果只得到一个B。你申请到Facebook实习，结果只能去谷歌。你全心爱她，她却甩了你…… Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.电视剧《权力的游戏》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320页的书……

You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There‘s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn‘t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There‘s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There‘s loss of love: the broken relationships that can‘t be fixed.And sometimes there‘s loss of life itself.生活中总会碰到很多难处理的事。有时错失机会：工作不合适，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬间改变。有时尊严尽失：刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。有时缘尽人散：亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离，还要面临死别。

Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.你们当中有些人已然历经刻骨的悲剧和苦难。去年大学奖章得主拉迪卡曾发表演讲，动情讲述了母亲突然去世的悲痛。

The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.问题不是这些事情会不会发生，它们迟早都会来的。我想说的是发生之后怎么办，不管什么困难也不管具体什么时候遭遇，关键是怎样从困境中振作起来。其实只有经历了真正难捱的日子，被逼到崩溃边缘，你才能真正了解自己。要发掘真实的内心，不仅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奋起。

A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, ―But I want Dave.‖ Phil put his arm around me and said, ―Option A is not available.So let‘s just kick the shit out of option B.‖ 戴夫去世几个星期后，我和我的朋友菲尔谈论一场要父亲参加的亲子活动。戴夫不在了，我们只好找别人代替他。我哭着对他说：―但我只想要戴夫。‖菲尔搂住我说：―A计划不行了，将就将就用B计划吧。‖

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? 我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候，问题是：该怎么面对？ As a representative of Silicon Valley, I‘m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P‘s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.可能有点硅谷的职业病吧，我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。心理学家马丁•塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究几十年后发现，从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责（personalization）、不要过分解读（pervasiveness）以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪（permanence）。挺过生活中一次次打击，才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。

The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.不要过分自责，就是说不要把悲伤的原因揽到自己身上。承担责任是应该的，但是痛苦时不要过分情绪化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的坏事都是自己造成的。When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn‘t until I learned about the three P‘s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? 戴夫去世后我就忍不住责怪自己。他在几秒钟内死于心脏病突发。我翻遍他的病历寻找线索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不会死。明白这三条原则之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎样都救不了他这个事实。他的医生们没发现他有心脏病，我一个学经济的又怎么可能发现呢？

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.研究表明减少过分自责确实会让人强大起来。学生挂科之后老师与其后悔没尽力，不如努力改进教学方法帮助以后的学生取得好成绩。大学里游泳运动员成绩不理想，但是只要坚信可以游得更好，就能实现。只有走出过分自责的阴影，才能尽快恢复，甚至督促自己做得更好。

The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song ―Everything is awesome?‖ This is the flip: ―Everything is awful.‖ There‘s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.第二条不要过分解读，就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响生活中每个角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是极好的》，反过来就是《一切都是可怕的》。人们常常会以为悲伤大过天，根本无处可逃。

The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, ―What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?‖ But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.我跟儿童心理学家聊了之后，他让我尽快恢复孩子们的日常习惯。戴夫去世十天后，他们回到学校，我则回到工作岗位。我记得回去上班后头一次开会，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，―他们都在说什么，这些小事有什么好说的？‖但后来我加入讨论，说着说着突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘记了死亡的悲痛。That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.那短暂的一瞬让我明白，生活中还有一些事没那么糟糕。毕竟，我跟孩子们都很健康，亲朋好友都那么关心支持我们，那段时间真的多亏他们撑着我才没垮。The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don‘t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it‘s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.失去伴侣往往会伴随巨大的经济打击，女性更是如此。许多单身母亲和父亲都在非常努力工作，没什么时间照看孩子。跟他们比我不用担心经济来源，能抽出时间照顾孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。渐渐地，孩子们晚上能睡踏实了，哭闹少了，又愿意玩了。

The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不褪，就是相信痛苦会一直继续。戴夫去世后有几个月，无论我做什么都能感觉到令人窒息的悲伤，而且从来没有减轻的迹象。We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we‘re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we‘re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should ―lean in to the suck.‖ It was good advice, but not really what I meant by ―lean in.‖ 我们总是觉得当前不好的感觉会无限延伸，而且不良情绪还会滋生副产品。我们感到焦虑，然后因为焦虑而焦虑；感到伤心，然后因为伤心而伤心。实际上，我们应该诚实面对自己的感觉，然后认清事实，其实所有感觉都不会永远持续。我的拉比（犹太教里的精神导师——译者注）说，时间会治愈一切，我也得学会―向前一步‖。这是个好建议，不过我写书时说的―向前一步‖其实不完全是这个意思。None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.其实还有第四个原则，就是美味的披萨，不用解释了吧……

But I wish I had known about the three P‘s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.言归正传，我真的很希望在你们这个年龄就知道这三条原则。许多时候，这些经验都很有用。

Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn‘t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That‘s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‗I can‘t believe you got this job without knowing that‖—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.我大学毕业后做第一份工作时，老板发现我不会把数据录入莲花1-2-3（莲花公司的电子表格软件——译者注）。莲花1-2-3是个电子表格——你们的爸妈可能知道。他张大嘴说：―连这个都不会，真不知道你怎么进来公司的。‖ 然后就走出去了。晚上回家我觉得要被炒鱿鱼，然后觉得我什么事都做不好……但事实证明，我只是不会做电子表格而已。如果我当时就能明白不要过分解读，没必要一时难过就否定一切，当时就不会那么焦虑。

I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would‘ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.我跟男朋友提出分手时，要是明白痛苦并不会一直持续就好了。如果我当时知道再难受也会慢慢缓解，如果我能诚实面对自己，就会安慰很多，不过我都没做到。And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it‘s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.男朋友和我分手时，我要是懂得不要过分自责就好了。有时真的不是我的错，错的是他们。说了你可能都不信，这家伙从来不洗澡。

And all three P‘s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.我20多岁时第一次婚姻以离婚告终，这三条原则一条都没做到。当时的感觉是不管我做成过什么，最后还是一败涂地。

The three P‘s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You‘re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.这三条原则针对的是我们遇到许多事情后常见的反应，不管是事业上，个人生活里，还是人际关系中。没准你现在就正在经历一些挫折。不过，如果你能清醒地发现陷阱，还有自救的机会。我们的身体里都有免疫系统，其实大脑里也有精神免疫系统，只是要用点办法才能启动。

One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.―Worse?‖ I said.―Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?‖ His answer cut straight through me: ―Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.‖ Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.有一天，我的心理学家朋友亚当•格兰特建议我换个角度思考，想象事情可能会更糟糕。刚一听让人挺难接受的。―更糟？‖我说。―开玩笑吗？都这样了还能怎么糟。‖我说。他回答道：―想象一下戴夫开车时突发心脏病，孩子们也都在车里。‖天呐！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子们都没事，还健康地活着。感激之后悲伤也减轻了一点。

Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year‘s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip‘s and can still remember what they are.常怀感激之情是走出悲伤的关键。多花点时间列出值得感恩的事，就会更快乐也更健康。事实证明，多数数身边的好事，好事真的会越变越多。我今年的新年决心就是，每天晚上睡觉前写下三件当天高兴的事。做起来其实不难，但已经改变了我的生活。因为不管每天发生了什么，我睡觉的时候都在想着快乐的事。今晚开始试一下吧，今天肯定就有很多开心的事可以列。希望今晚你们临睡前都还记得。

Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave‘s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: ―Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.‖ We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.上个月有一天，我想到还有11天戴夫逝世就满周年了，在一个朋友面前忍不住痛哭，当时我们还坐在浴室地板上。我说：―11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我们却不知道。‖我们望着彼此都忍不住痛哭，然后问对方如果知道生命只剩下11天会如何生活。

As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don‘t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.你们毕业了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一样去生活吗？我的意思不是让你们抛下一切，每天都去聚会狂欢，当然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍贵。每一天都要珍惜不能浪费。A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.几年前，我母亲做手术换了髋关节。她年轻时走路总是会疼，髋关节粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛难忍。现在做完手术好几年了，她还会经常感激走路不会疼，因为手术前根本无法想象。

As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.如今我人生中最惨的一天过去已经一年了，我能确定两件事情是真实的。第一，我心中巨大的悲伤会永远挥之不去，就在这，我都能触摸到。还有就是以前我从来没想过我能天天哭，泪水能那么多。

But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my birthday every five years and friends‘ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day‘s moments of joy.但我也能确定我可以轻松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以来第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。过去我每五年过一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶尔庆祝。现在，每次我都不错过。过去我睡觉前总是在想当天有多少事没做好，其实经常搞砸很多。而现在我会集中精神想当天高兴的事。

It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.说起来可能有点讽刺，我失去了丈夫，却因此体会到更深的感激——感谢朋友们的好意、感谢家人的爱，感谢孩子们的欢笑。我希望你们也能学会感激，不仅是在好日子里感激，比方说今天，在艰难的日子里更要感激，到那时感激之情对你们的帮助更大。

There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone you really like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.你们的人生道路上还有许多快乐的时刻。比如一直想去的旅行，与你真正喜欢的人的初吻，一份真正热爱的工作。还有击败斯坦福（加油金熊队！）美好的事情都会到来，尽情享受吧。

I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.希望你们今后的每一天都充满快乐充实，希望你们的每一步都轻松自在没有痛苦，希望你们会意识到这一切值得感激。

And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.面对挑战时，希望你们记住最重要的是学习和成长的能力。你们面对挫折的韧性并非固定不变。像肌肉一样，韧性是可以锻炼的，需要时就可以发挥作用。成长过程中你会慢慢了解自我，而且可能已经变成最好的自己。Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.2016级的毕业生们，在你离开伯克利时，记得锻炼韧性。

Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.加强自身克服困难的韧性。悲剧或挫折来临时，你会知道自己有能力挺过去。相信我，你们可以的。常言道，我们比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中强大。Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it‘s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that‘s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, ―Nothing at Facebook is someone else‘s problem.‖ When you see something that‘s broken, go fix it.打造坚韧的团体。别人能做到，你也可以，因为从伯克利走出去的都是想把世界变得更美好的人。董事会或许不太完善，校园也可能不太安全，但永远不要放弃努力。大胆地说出意见，尤其是在伯克利这么难得的自由校园。办公室里我最喜欢的一幅海报上写着，―在Facebook任何事都不应该推给别人。‖发现有什么事需要做，那就去做。

Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.建立强大的社区，人类都是通过与旁人的联系找到自我认同的，在群体中人们才有生存的愿望，才能学会爱。要及时帮助家人朋友，一定要亲自去，不要在手机上发条信息加个心形表情就算交差了。

Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.互相扶持，帮助他人走出困境，庆祝每一个欢乐的时刻。

You have the whole world in front of you.I can‘t wait to see what you do with it.整个世界就在你们面前。我真的很期待你们的成就！Congratulations, and Go Bears!恭喜毕业，加油金熊队！

第三篇：桑德伯格TED演讲

桑德伯格TED演讲：为什么女性领导那么少？

Facebook COO 谢乐尔·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）

谢乐尔·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）是全球最大的社交网站Facebook的首席运营官，曾任比尔·克林顿政府的财政部办公室主任，后任Google副总裁，短时间内帮助谷歌实现盈利。2008年3月，桑德伯格加入新兴社交网络Facebook，担任首席运营官。3年后，Facebook的用户数从当初的6000万飙升至如今的7亿，广告收入更是从2008年的3亿美元上涨到2010年的19亿美元，比两年前翻了六倍，而Google的广告收入在这三年增速减缓。她在演讲中为职场女性提供3条建议：像男性一样坐到谈判桌旁，争取自己能够胜任的职位和应得的薪水；与伴侣有效沟通，共同分担家务和养育孩子的责任；在得到自己想要的职位前“不要提前离场”。

正文：我们先承认我们是幸运的。我们没有生活在我们母亲和我们祖母生活过的那个世界，在那时，女性的职业选择是非常有限的。今天在座的各位，大多数人成长于一个女性有基本公民权的世界。令人惊讶地是，我们还生活在一个有些女性还没有这些权利的世界。但除上所述，我们还有一个问题，它是一个实际问题。这问题是：在世界各地，女性没达到任何职业的高管职位。这些数据很清楚地告诉我们这实情。190个国家元首里，九位是女性领导。在世界上议会的总人数中，13%是女性议员。在公司部门，女性占据高位C级职位，董事会席位高管职位比例占15%，16%。自从2002年起这数据没变化过有下降趋势。即使在非营利的行业----我们有时认为这一行业是被更多女性所领导的，女性领导人占20%。

我们还面临着另一个问题，就是女性在职业成功和个人价值实现中所面临的艰难选择。美国最近一个研究表明，已婚高管人员，三分之二的已婚男性高管人员有孩子，只有三分之一的已婚女性高管人员有孩子。几年前，我在纽约，出席一个协议，在那种别致的纽约私募投资办事处中的一个你能想象到的。我在这个大约有3小时的会议上，过了2小时，有个间歇休息，所有人都站起来，这会议组织者开始显得的确很尴尬。我意识到他不知道在他办公室哪里是女洗手间。所以我开始寻找移动厕所，盘算他们刚搬进来，但我没有看到任何移动厕所。然后我说，“你是刚搬到这办公室吗？”他说，“不是，我们在这儿已经有一年了。”我说，“你能否告诉我这一年来，我是唯一一个来这间办公室的女性吗？”他看着我，说到，“是的。或者说你可能是唯一一个要上女性洗手间。”

所以问题是，我们该怎样解决这样的尴尬？我们怎样改变这些高管职位的比例？我们怎样使这个变得不同？我首先想说，我谈这个女性就职因为我的确认为我们得找到答案。在我们劳动力的高收入的部分，在高管的人员中，财富500强首席执行长官中，或在其它类似的高管行业中，我确信，问题是女性被排除在外。当下人们对此谈了很多，他们谈到像弹性时间和指导公司应该培训妇女计划的事。今天我不想谈这些尽管所有这些事都非常重要。今天我想关注作为个人我们所能做到的事。我们要告诉给自己的事是什么？我们告诉给女同事和打工的女性的事是什么？我们要告诉给我们女儿的事是什么？

现在首先，我想澄清这个演讲不带有任何评判。我也没有正确的答案；甚至就我而言，我也没有完全的答案。在周一，我离开我生活的加利福尼亚，我坐上飞机赶赴这会议。当我送我三岁的女儿到幼儿园时，她紧紧抱进我的腿，哭喊着，“妈咪，不要上飞机”之类的话。这很难受。有时我感到内疚。我知道无论是家庭主妇，还是职业女性，有时她们都会感同身受。所以我不会说对所有人来说，呆在职场是件正确的事。今天我的演讲是要讲如果你真正想呆在职场。我想有3条建议。

一、坐在桌旁。

二、让你的伴侣成为一个真正的合作伙伴。

三、在你离开前别放弃。

第一、坐在桌旁。仅仅几周前在脸谱，我们主持一个非常高级行政官员会议，马克·扎克伯格与来自硅谷周围的高级行政官员见面。每个人都坐在桌边。然后携同他的2个女性，在他部门中她们也占非常高的职位。我对她们说，“坐在桌边。来吧，坐在桌边。”因为她们坐在了屋子的一边。我在大四时，我选修一节欧洲思想史的课程。你们喜爱大学的这类课程嘛。我希望我现在能做到。我和我室友卡丽一起学习，她那时是一个才华横溢的文学学生，现在成为了一个杰出的文学家，另外我的弟弟一个聪明的小伙子，但他爱打水球，他上医学预科大二。我们三人一起选修这课。然后卡丽读了所有希腊文和拉丁文的原版书籍--去了所有的课--我读了所有英语的书上了大多数的课。我弟弟有点忙；他读了12本书中的一本去上了几节课，在考试前几天他来到我们房间自己辅导了一下。我们三个一起去考试了，我们坐下来。我们考了有3个小时，我们的小蓝笔记本，是的。我们走出来，对视对方，我们说，“你考得怎样？”卡丽说，“伙计，我感到我真没有答对有关黑格尔辩证法的主要命题。”我说，“上帝啊，我真希望我考试时能想到学习过的洛克的产权理论等哲学家。”我弟弟却说，“我会是班里考得最好的。”“你会是班里考得最好的？你啥都不知道。”

这种故事的问题出在数据所表明的事实：女性被系统化地低估了她们自身的能力。如果你测试男性和女性，你问他们问题，按完全客观的标准平均成绩来算，男性会错误的高估一些，女性则会错误地低估一些。女性在职场不会为自身利益去谈判。在过去两年，关于人们从学校进入职场的一个调查表明57%的男生或男性进入职场，我猜会协商他们的第一份薪水，只有7%的女性会去协商。更重要的是，男性把他们的成功归功于他们自身，而女性则归功于其他外部因素。如果你问男性为什么他们能把工作做好，他们会说，“我棒极了。这是显而易见的。这还用问吗？”如果你问女性是什么使她们在工作中出色，她们会说有人帮助她们，她们很幸运，她们工作异常努力。这个问题很重要吗？大家，这关系很大因为没人得到角落办公室的职位要是只坐在旁边，而不是桌边。没人得到提升如果他们认为他们不应享有这成功，或者他们甚至不明白他们自己的成功。

我但愿这答案是容易的。我希望我尽可能告诉我所共事过的所有年轻女性，所有这些非常棒的女性，“相信你们自己，为自身利益要讨价还价。把握住你的成功。”我希望我也能告诉我的女儿。但这不是很简单。因为首先是数据表明一件事，它表明成功和人缘亲切性对于男性来说是积极影响的而对于女性来说是负面影响的。每个人都点头，因为我们大家都知道这是真的。

一个非常棒的研究也很好地表明了这一观点。哈佛商学院的一个著名研究是有关于一位叫海蒂·罗森的女性。她是硅谷一家公司的负责人，她使用她的关系成为一名非常成功的风险资本家。在2002年，不久前当时在哥伦比亚大学的一位教授做这个例子和把它改成霍华德·罗森。他把这个案例，他们两人向两组学生展示。他只改变了一个词：海蒂到霍华德。但这个词就造成了非常大的差异。然后他调查学生。好消息是学生们，男生和女生认为海蒂和霍华德都是能力相当的，这很好。但坏消息是每个人都喜欢霍华德。他是个了不起的人，大家都想和他共事，大家都想和他去钓鱼。但海蒂呢？不好说。她有点只为自己着想，对政治有点热衷。大家不太想和她共事。这是复杂的。我们得告诉我们的女儿和我们的同事，我们得告诉我们自己相信我们能获得A，得到提升，坐在桌边。我们在这世上得做到这点，在世上，女性要争取这些就得做出牺牲，尽管她们的兄弟不用为此而付出牺牲。

所有关于这的最可悲的事是很难记住这个。我将讲个对我来说是个真正尴尬的故事，但我认为它很重要。在脸谱不久前我给大约100名员工做这个演讲。几小时后，在脸谱工作的一个年轻女性坐到我小桌子旁边，她想和我谈谈。我说，好，她坐了下来，我们谈了起来。她说，“我今天学了一些东西。我知道我需要举起我的手。”我说，“你指什么啊？”她说，“你在讲这个话时，你说你将会回答2个以上问题。我和其他一些人举起手，你回答了2个以上问题。我把手放下来，我注意到所有女性都把手放下来，然后你又回答了很多问题，仅有男性参与。”我自己想了一下，如果换成是我，谁会在乎这个，明显地做这次演讲，在这演讲中，我甚至没注意到男人们的手是不是还一直举着，女人们的手是不是还一直举着，我们到底有多出色，当我们作为公司和组织的经理人的时候，以及当我们作为少数，与男性竞争争取机会的时候？我们得让女性坐到桌子边上。

第二条：让你的伴侣成为一个真正的合作伙伴。我已经确信我们在职场比起我们在家庭中起了更大的作用。数据也很清楚地表明这点。如果一个女性和一个男性同时全职并有一个小孩，女性比起男性要做两倍多家务活儿，女性比起男性做了三倍多照顾婴儿的事。所以她有了2份，3份工作，而他只有一份。当有人必须在家多干活时，谁应该留下来？这个的理由实在太复杂，我没有时间来讲它们。但我也不认为周日看美式足球和日常的懒惰是理由。

我认为理由是更加复杂化的。我认为，作为一个社会，我们总是更希望男孩子们成功，对女孩子则压力小些。我知道有居家男人呆在家里做内务支持职场妻子这很难。当我去“妈咪和我”的培训课时，我看到那里的父亲，我留意到其他妈咪不愿和他相处。这是个问题，因为我们得把内务变成一个重要的工作因为它是世界上最难的工作-居家工作无论男人女人，我们只有平分了这些事，女性才可能留在职场。（掌声）研究表明夫妻收入相等、且夫妻分担责任相当的家庭也有50%的离婚率。如果这数据并不那么鼓舞人，还有更多的在这个讲台我该怎么讲呢？夫妻双方对于彼此的了解，不仅是做爱这么简单。

（欢呼）

建议三：在你离开前别放弃。我认为这是一个非常深刻的讽刺对于女性所采取行动而言--我一直目睹类似情况的发生--女性希望留在职场这个目标，往往导致它们最终不得不离开职场。曾发生这样的事：我们都忙；每个人都很忙；作为一个女人也很忙。她开始考虑生小孩。从她开始考虑生小孩的时候起，她开始考虑为孩子准备房间。“我该如何调整孩子这件事和手头上的其他事呢？”言下之意，她不再举起她的手，她不寻求提升，她不找新的计划，她不会说，“我，我想做那个。”她开始退缩。这是个问题让我们说说她怀孕的那段日子9个月的怀胎，3个月的产假，6个月来调养休息快速调整要2年，更多的，正如我看到的女性开始过早考虑这事当她们有约会或者结婚时，当她们开始考虑要小孩，这会花相当长的一段时间。一位女性关于此事来找我，我看着她，她显得有点年轻。我说，“那么你和你丈夫考虑要小孩了？”她说，“哦不，我还没结婚。”她甚至没有男友。我说，“你考虑这个太早了吧。”

但关键是一旦你开始退缩下来，接下来会发生什么呢？每个人都会经历这个在这儿我告诉你，一旦在家你有了孩子，你真的最好是回到你的工作中去，因为把小孩留在家太难了，你的工作得有挑战性。它也得有回报。你得感觉到世界因你而变。如果2年前你没有得到提升在你旁边的一个男孩得到提升，如果三年前你放弃寻找新的机会，你会变得很乏味因为你应该紧踩油门，加油。在你离开前别放弃。保住工作。紧踩油门，除非到了那一天你需要离开为了孩子休假然后做出你自己的决定。不要提前做太长远决定，特别是你甚至不晓得自己该做怎样的决定。

我这一代的女性非常可惜，没能改变高管职位的数据变化。女人们就是呆在原地。我们没能达到50%的高管职位，在任何行业的高管职位中，女性都未达到50%。但我希望未来一代人可以做到。我认为我们世界上半数国家和半数公司会由女性所领导，那将会是一个更美好的世界。这不仅仅是因为人们会知道女性洗手间在哪儿，尽管这也有非常大的帮助。我认为它

将会是一个更美好的世界。我有2个孩子。我5岁的儿子和3岁的女儿。我想我儿子会选择在职场或在家里都尽心尽责，全心奉献。我女儿的选择不仅仅是成功，她会更热爱她所做出的成就。

第四篇：桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校2016毕业典礼上的演讲

Facebook COO 雪莉·桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校2016毕业典礼上的演讲

5月14日，Facebook 首席运营官、《向前一步》作者雪莉•桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州大学伯克利分校（UC Berkeley）2016毕业典礼上发表演讲。在丈夫离世一年之际，她讲到了痛失爱人的痛苦以及应付挫折的韧性。丈夫去世后，她在“向前一步”方面有些新思考，近来也引发不少讨论。

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY 2016 Commencement Address Thank you, Marie.And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists….and that’s just the women!

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement.Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population.When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women.It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss.Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived.She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family.One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree.Roz was my grandmother.She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential.I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college.What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration.A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks.A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection.Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom.You have the youth.Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me.I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different.We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos.But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life.Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before.It’s hard.But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.His death was sudden and unexpected.We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico.I took a nap.Dave went to work out.What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor.Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone.Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways.I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death.Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment.You wanted an A but you got a B.OK, let’s be honest—you got an A-but you’re still mad.You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google.She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant.There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed.And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will.Today I want to talk about what happens next.About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you.The easy days ahead of you will be easy.It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave.I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We all at some point live some form of option B.The question is: What do we do then? As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do.This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease.I was an economics major;how could I have? Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger.Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel.College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did.Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible.So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work.I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze.All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.My children and I were healthy.My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children.I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook.Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings.We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious.We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad.Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever.My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”

None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age.There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.That’s a spreadsheet—ask your parents.His mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the room.I went home convinced that I was going to be fired.I thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets.Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.It would’ve been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.Sometimes it’s not you—it really is them.I mean, that dude never showered.And all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in divorce.I thought at the time that no matter what I accomplished, I was a massive failure.The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself.Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.This was completely counterintuitive;it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” Wow.The moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and healthy.That gratitude overtook some of the grief.Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and healthier.It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.My New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each night.This simple practice has changed my life.Because no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something cheerful.Try it.Start tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they are.Last month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of mine.We were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom floor.I said: “Eleven days.One year ago, he had eleven days left.And we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days left.As you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off and party all the time— although tonight is an exception.I mean live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be.How precious every day actually is.A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.When she was younger, she always walked without pain.But as her hip disintegrated, each step became painful.Now, even years after her operation, she is grateful for every step she takes without pain—something that never would have occurred to her before.As I stand here today, a year after the worst day of my life, two things are true.I have a huge reservoir of sadness that is with me always—right here where I can touch it.I never knew I could cry so often—or so much.But I am also aware that I am walking without pain.For the first time, I am grateful for each breath in and out—grateful for the gift of life itself.I used to celebrate my every five years and friends’ birthdays sometimes.Now I celebrate always.I used to go to sleep worrying about all the things I messed up that day—and trust me that list was often quite long.Now I try really hard to focus on each day’s moments of joy.It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husban d helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children.My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.That trip you always wanted to take.A first kiss with someone youreally like.The day you get a job doing something you truly believe in.Beating Stanford.(Go Bears!)All of these things will happen to you.Enjoy each and every one.I hope that you live your life—each precious day of it—with joy and meaning.I hope that you walk without pain—and that you are grateful for each step.And when the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it.In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself.Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.Build resilience in yourselves.When tragedy or disappointment strike, know that you have the ability to get through absolutely anything.I promise you do.As the saying goes, we are more vulnerable than we ever thought, but we are stronger than we ever imagined.Build resilient organizations.If anyone can do it, you can, because Berkeley is filled with people who want to make the world a better place.Never stop working to do so—whether it’s a boardroom that is not representative or a campus that’s not safe.Speak up, especially at institutions like this one, which you hold so dear.My favorite poster at work reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem.” When you see something that’s broken, go fix it.Build resilient communities.We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.Be there for your family and friends.And I mean in person.Not just in a message with a heart emoji.Lift each other up, help each other kick the shit out of option B—and celebrate each and every moment of joy.You have the whole world in front of you.I can’t wait to see what you do with it.Congratulations, and Go Bears!

桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校2016毕业典礼上的演讲

谢谢玛丽。谢谢尊敬的老师们、光荣的父母、忠诚的朋友，兄弟姐妹们。祝贺所有人……尤其是伯克利2016的毕业生们！

在伯克利求学是一件幸事，这里出过众多的诺贝尔奖得主、图灵奖获得者、宇航员、国会议员和奥运会金牌得主……而且都有女性！伯克利从来走在时代前列。上世纪60年代，你们的前辈们倡导了言论自由运动。当时还有人说，如果男女都留长发要怎么分辨呢？现在早就有答案了：男生可以梳发髻。

其实在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一届学生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大学——译者注）过了90年后才向女性颁发第一个学位。

曾经有一位女性来到这里求学，她的名字是罗莎琳德•努斯•罗姿。罗姿在纽约布鲁克林一处公寓里长大，靠擦地为生。高中时，她的父母让她辍学养家，幸好被一位老师及时劝服才能继续上学。1937年，她从伯克利毕业了，就坐在你们现在的位置。故事里的罗姿是我的祖母。直到现在，她的经历都是我强大的精神支柱。非常感谢伯克利当年慧眼识才。我还要特别恭喜成为家中第一代大学生的才俊，你们非常了不起！

今天值得庆祝，你们付出了很多努力才走到今天。

今天应该感谢。要感谢帮助你们一步步走到这里的人，感谢培养你，教导你，鼓励你，为你擦过眼泪的人。

至少也该感谢你在聚会上睡着后没用记号笔在你脸上乱画的小伙伴们。今天应该沉思。因为今天意味着你生命中一个时代结束，一个新时代开始。毕业典礼致词仿佛一场青春和智慧之间的交锋。台下青春洋溢，演讲台上睿智深刻。今天我本应跟你们分享一些人生经验。然后，你们把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了发布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高兴兴地回家。但今天会有点不一样。或许你们还是会扔帽子，还是会拍很多照片。但我今天不想传授生活方面的经验，而是想讲讲从亲人离世后的领悟。我以前从未公开谈论过这件事，其实很难说出口。我会尽量控制住情绪免得哭出来，弄脏这件漂亮的伯克利长袍不太好。

一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我们去墨西哥参加朋友的50岁生日聚会。我睡了个午觉，戴夫去锻炼。接下来的事完全不可想象，我走进健身房看见他躺在地板上。后来我坐飞机回家将这个不幸的消息告诉了孩子们，最后亲眼看着他的棺材下葬。他去世后好几个月里，我经常悲伤得无法自已，内心只觉得一片无尽的空虚四处蔓延，占据了五脏六腑，我无力思考，甚至感觉像要窒息。戴夫的死深刻地改变了我。我终于明白了什么叫切肤之痛，也体会到痛失所爱的残酷。但我也明白了，当生活给你当头一棒，堕入悲伤之海，你能做的就是奋力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲伤至空虚，或是面对巨大挑战，你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。我跟你们分享亲人离世的感受，是希望能在你们走上社会时就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄灭的火苗。

每个从伯克利毕业的人肯定都经历过挫折。你想考A，结果只得到一个B。你申请到Facebook实习，结果只能去谷歌。你全心爱她，她却甩了你…… 电视剧《权力的游戏》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320页的书……

生活中总会碰到很多难处理的事。有时错失机会：工作不合适，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬间改变。有时尊严尽失：刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。有时缘尽人散：亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离，还要面临死别。你们当中有些人已然历经刻骨的悲剧和苦难。去年大学奖章得主拉迪卡曾发表演讲，动情讲述了母亲突然去世的悲痛。问题不是这些事情会不会发生，它们迟早都会来的。我想说的是发生之后怎么办，不管什么困难也不管具体什么时候遭遇，关键是怎样从困境中振作起来。其实只有经历了真正难捱的日子，被逼到崩溃边缘，你才能真正了解自己。要发掘真实的内心，不仅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奋起。戴夫去世几个星期后，我和我的朋友菲尔谈论一场要父亲参加的亲子活动。戴夫不在了，我们只好找别人代替他。我哭着对他说：“但我只想要戴夫。”菲尔搂住我说：“A计划不行了，将就将就用B计划吧。”

我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候，问题是：该怎么面对？

可能有点硅谷的职业病吧，我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。心理学家马丁•塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究几十年后发现，从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责（personalization）、不要过分解读（pervasiveness）以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪（permanence）。挺过生活中一次次打击，才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。

不要过分自责，就是说不要把悲伤的原因揽到自己身上。承担责任是应该的，但是痛苦时不要过分情绪化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的坏事都是自己造成的。戴夫去世后我就忍不住责怪自己。他在几秒钟内死于心脏病突发。我翻遍他的病历寻找线索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不会死。明白这三条原则之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎样都救不了他这个事实。他的医生们没发现他有心脏病，我一个学经济的又怎么可能发现呢？

研究表明减少过分自责确实会让人强大起来。学生挂科之后老师与其后悔没尽力，不如努力改进教学方法帮助以后的学生取得好成绩。大学里游泳运动员成绩不理想，但是只要坚信可以游得更好，就能实现。只有走出过分自责的阴影，才能尽快恢复，甚至督促自己做得更好。第二条不要过分解读，就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响生活中每个角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是极好的》，反过来就是《一切都是可怕的》。人们常常会以为悲伤大过天，根本无处可逃。

我跟儿童心理学家聊了之后，他让我尽快恢复孩子们的日常习惯。戴夫去世十天后，他们回到学校，我则回到工作岗位。我记得回去上班后头一次开会，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他们都在说什么，这些小事有什么好说的？”但后来我加入讨论，说着说着突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘记了死亡的悲痛。

那短暂的一瞬让我明白，生活中还有一些事没那么糟糕。毕竟，我跟孩子们都很健康，亲朋好友都那么关心支持我们，那段时间真的多亏他们撑着我才没垮。失去伴侣往往会伴随巨大的经济打击，女性更是如此。许多单身母亲和父亲都在非常努力工作，没什么时间照看孩子。跟他们比我不用担心经济来源，能抽出时间照顾孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。渐渐地，孩子们晚上能睡踏实了，哭闹少了，又愿意玩了。

第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不褪，就是相信痛苦会一直继续。戴夫去世后有几个月，无论我做什么都能感觉到令人窒息的悲伤，而且从来没有减轻的迹象。我们总是觉得当前不好的感觉会无限延伸，而且不良情绪还会滋生副产品。我们感到焦虑，然后因为焦虑而焦虑；感到伤心，然后因为伤心而伤心。实际上，我们应该诚实面对自己的感觉，然后认清事实，其实所有感觉都不会永远持续。我的拉比（犹太教里的精神导师——译者注）说，时间会治愈一切，我也得学会“向前一步”。这是个好建议，不过我写书时说的“向前一步”其实不完全是这个意思。其实还有第四个原则，就是美味的披萨，不用解释了吧……

言归正传，我真的很希望在你们这个年龄就知道这三条原则。许多时候，这些经验都很有用。

我大学毕业后做第一份工作时，老板发现我不会把数据录入莲花1-2-3（莲花公司的电子表格软件——译者注）。莲花1-2-3是个电子表格——你们的爸妈可能知道。他张大嘴说：“连这个都不会，真不知道你怎么进来公司的。” 然后就走出去了。晚上回家我觉得要被炒鱿鱼，然后觉得我什么事都做不好……但事实证明，我只是不会做电子表格而已。如果我当时就能明白不要过分解读，没必要一时难过就否定一切，当时就不会那么焦虑。我跟男朋友提出分手时，要是明白痛苦并不会一直持续就好了。如果我当时知道再难受也会慢慢缓解，如果我能诚实面对自己，就会安慰很多，不过我都没做到。男朋友和我分手时，我要是懂得不要过分自责就好了。有时真的不是我的错，错的是他们。说了你可能都不信，这家伙从来不洗澡。

我20多岁时第一次婚姻以离婚告终，这三条原则一条都没做到。当时的感觉是不管我做成过什么，最后还是一败涂地。

这三条原则针对的是我们遇到许多事情后常见的反应，不管是事业上，个人生活里，还是人际关系中。没准你现在就正在经历一些挫折。不过，如果你能清醒地发现陷阱，还有自救的机会。我们的身体里都有免疫系统，其实大脑里也有精神免疫系统，只是要用点办法才能启动。有一天，我的心理学家朋友亚当•格兰特建议我换个角度思考，想象事情可能会更糟糕。刚一听让人挺难接受的。“更糟？”我说。“开玩笑吗？都这样了还能怎么糟。”我说。他回答道：“想象一下戴夫开车时突发心脏病，孩子们也都在车里。”天呐！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子们都没事，还健康地活着。感激之后悲伤也减轻了一点。

常怀感激之情是走出悲伤的关键。多花点时间列出值得感恩的事，就会更快乐也更健康。事实证明，多数数身边的好事，好事真的会越变越多。我今年的新年决心就是，每天晚上睡觉前写下三件当天高兴的事。做起来其实不难，但已经改变了我的生活。因为不管每天发生了什么，我睡觉的时候都在想着快乐的事。今晚开始试一下吧，今天肯定就有很多开心的事可以列。希望今晚你们临睡前都还记得。

上个月有一天，我想到还有11天戴夫逝世就满周年了，在一个朋友面前忍不住痛哭，当时我们还坐在浴室地板上。我说：“11天。一年前的今天，他的生命只剩下11天了，我们却不知道。”我们望着彼此都忍不住痛哭，然后问对方如果知道生命只剩下11天会如何生活。

你们毕业了，以后能像生命只剩下11天一样去生活吗？我的意思不是让你们抛下一切，每天都去聚会狂欢，当然今晚例外。我的意思是要明白每天都很珍贵。每一天都要珍惜不能浪费。

几年前，我母亲做手术换了髋关节。她年轻时走路总是会疼，髋关节粉碎性骨折之后每一步都疼痛难忍。现在做完手术好几年了，她还会经常感激走路不会疼，因为手术前根本无法想象。

如今我人生中最惨的一天过去已经一年了，我能确定两件事情是真实的。第一，我心中巨大的悲伤会永远挥之不去，就在这，我都能触摸到。还有就是以前我从来没想过我能天天哭，泪水能那么多。

但我也能确定我可以轻松走路，不用忍受疼痛。有生以来第一次，我感激每一次呼吸，感激自己的生命。过去我每五年过一次生日，朋友的生日只是偶尔庆祝。现在，每次我都不错过。过去我睡觉前总是在想当天有多少事没做好，其实经常搞砸很多。而现在我会集中精神想当天高兴的事。说起来可能有点讽刺，我失去了丈夫，却因此体会到更深的感激——感谢朋友们的好意、感谢家人的爱，感谢孩子们的欢笑。我希望你们也能学会感激，不仅是在好日子里感激，比方说今天，在艰难的日子里更要感激，到那时感激之情对你们的帮助更大。

你们的人生道路上还有许多快乐的时刻。比如一直想去的旅行，与你真正喜欢的人的初吻，一份真正热爱的工作。还有击败斯坦福（加油金熊队！）美好的事情都会到来，尽情享受吧。

希望你们今后的每一天都充满快乐充实，希望你们的每一步都轻松自在没有痛苦，希望你们会意识到这一切值得感激。面对挑战时，希望你们记住最重要的是学习和成长的能力。你们面对挫折的韧性并非固定不变。像肌肉一样，韧性是可以锻炼的，需要时就可以发挥作用。成长过程中你会慢慢了解自我，而且可能已经变成最好的自己。2016的毕业生们，在你离开伯克利时，记得锻炼韧性。

加强自身克服困难的韧性。悲剧或挫折来临时，你会知道自己有能力挺过去。相信我，你们可以的。常言道，我们比想象中脆弱，但也比想象中强大。

打造坚韧的团体。别人能做到，你也可以，因为从伯克利走出去的都是想把世界变得更美好的人。董事会或许不太完善，校园也可能不太安全，但永远不要放弃努力。大胆地说出意见，尤其是在伯克利这么难得的自由校园。办公室里我最喜欢的一幅海报上写着，“在Facebook任何事都不应该推给别人。”发现有什么事需要做，那就去做。建立强大的社区，人类都是通过与旁人的联系找到自我认同的，在群体中人们才有生存的愿望，才能学会爱。要及时帮助家人朋友，一定要亲自去，不要在手机上发条信息加个心形表情就算交差了。

互相扶持，帮助他人走出困境，庆祝每一个欢乐的时刻。整个世界就在你们面前。我真的很期待你们的成就！恭喜毕业，加油金熊队！

第五篇：FACEBOOK COO桑德伯格2015清华毕业演讲

Facebook COO桑德伯格清华毕业演讲：命运偏爱勇者，向前一步

6月27日，清华大学经济管理学院2015毕业典礼在清华大学综合体育馆举行。毕业典礼由钱颖一院长主持。Facebook公司首席运营官谢丽尔桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)作毕业典礼演讲。

桑德伯格曾任克林顿政府财政部长办公厅主任、谷歌全球在线销售和运营部门副总裁。现任Facebook首席运营官，被媒体称为Facebook的第一夫人，她也是第一位进入Facebook董事会的女性成员。同时，她还是福布斯上榜的前50名最有力量 的商业女精英之一，女权主义者，2013年曾登上《时代周刊》杂志封面，并被《时代》杂志评为全球最具影响力的人物。

Facebook公司首席运营官谢丽尔桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)在清华大学经济管理学院毕业典礼的演讲(全文如下)

钱颖一院长、杰出的清华经管学院的教师们、自豪的毕业生亲属、鼎力支持他们的朋友们，以及更重要的是，清华经管学院2015届的毕业生们：

我很荣幸今天来到这里为你们做毕业典礼演讲。同我的老板马克扎克伯格不一样的是，我不会讲中文。为此我感到抱歉。但是，他请我用中文转达他对大家的问候——祝贺。今天能在这里祝贺优秀的同学们毕业，我感到非常兴奋。

当钱颖一院长邀请我今天来做演讲时，我想，来给远比我年轻比我酷的人演讲?这事儿我能做。我在Facebook每天都要做这样的事情。因为扎克伯格比我小15岁，并且我们的大多数员工是他的同龄人，而不是我这个年龄的。我喜欢和年轻人在一起，除非他们问我你在大学时没有手机用是怎样的日子?甚至更糟糕的问题是，谢丽尔，你能过来一下吗?我们想知道岁数大的人对这个新功能有什么看法。

我1991年从哈佛大学本科毕业，获得经济学学士学位;1995年从哈佛商学院毕业，获得MBA学位——所以可以说，我上了美国的清华大学。其实这并不是那么久远的事情。但是我能告诉你的是，这个世界在这短短的25年当中发生了翻天覆地的变化。在哈佛商学院时，我所在的班级曾尝试进行学院的第一次在线课程。我们当时必须给每人发一张写有我们网名的列表，因为那时在网上使用真名是件让人难以想象的事。但是最后还是没有搞成，因为电脑系统不断崩溃——当时根本无法实现90人同时在线交流。

不过在系统崩溃之间的几个短暂瞬间里，我们窥见了未来——一个技术可以实现我们和同事、家人、朋友连接在一起的未来。现在的世界已经是我坐在你们这个位置时难以想象的世界了。而从现在起的未来25年，你们将帮助塑造属于你们这一代人的世界。

作为清华的毕业生，你们不仅将成为中国的领袖，还将成为全球的领袖。中国在教育程度及经济增长方面都已是世界的领先者。不仅是政界和商界的领袖们认识到中国的重要性，许多美国的父母也认识到了这一点。在我所居住的旧金山湾区，最难进的中小学校正是那些教汉语的学校。

但事实是，国家不能领导，要靠人来领导。

从你们今天毕业起，你们就开启了成为领导者的征程。你会成为什么样的领导者?你会对他人产生多大的影响?你将会在世界上留下什么样的印记?

在Facebook公司里，我们的墙上贴着提醒我们要有远大目标的海报——挑战自我每一天都要做得更多。这些海报中蕴含了一些重要的有关领导力的经验——今天，我想分享其中我认为会对你们有意义的四点。

第一，命运偏爱勇者(Fortune favors the bold)。

Facebook公司之所以存在，是因为扎克伯格相信，通过科技实现个人之间的互联，可以使这个世界变得更美好。他深信于此，以至于从哈佛大学本科辍学去追求自己的理想，并且这些年来他一直为此奋斗不止。扎克伯格靠的不是运气，而是勇气。

能像扎克伯格那样这么早就发现自己的热情所在，是一件不同寻常的事。我花了长得多的时间才发现自己到底想做什么。在我穿着学位服参加毕业典礼时，我无论如何也想不到自己会到Facebook工作，因为那时互联网还不存在——并且扎克伯格当时只有11岁。我当时想我只会在政府或者非营利组织工作，因为我相信这些机构或组织可以让世界变得更美好，而公司是以盈利为导向的。但是，当我在美国财政部工作的时候，我看到了科技公司在很大程度上影响着世界，于是我改变了自己的想法。因此，当我结束了在政府部门的工作后，我决定搬到硅谷去。

回过头看，这似乎是一个明智的举动。但是在2001年，这是个可被质疑的决定，因为那时科技泡沫刚刚破灭。大公司都在大规模裁员，小公司倒闭如潮。我给自己4个月的期限要找到一份工作，但是我足足花了将近一年的时间。在我最初接受的某次面试当中，有一个公司的首席执行官对我说：我之所以面试你，完全是受朋友所托，但是我根本不会考虑聘用像你这样的人——在政府工作过的人无法胜任科技公司的工作。

最终，我还是说服了某个公司雇佣了我。14年过去了，我仍然热爱在科技公司工作。这虽然不是我的初衷，但是我最终还是找到了我的热情所在。

我希望，如果你在一条道路上前行，却发现自己的心另有所属，那么就请你去独辟蹊径，以到达理想的彼岸。如果一次没有成功，请继续锲而不舍地尝试。直到找到能点燃你激情的，对自己、对他人都有意义的工作。能将激情和奉献完美结合是一种奢侈。一旦达成，幸福将至。

第二，反馈是一种本领(Feedback is a gift)。

在Facebook，我知道决定我工作绩效的最重要的因素是我与扎克伯格的关系。当我刚加入Facebook公司时，我就让他做出承诺，每星期都要给我工作反馈，这样任何困扰他的事情都可以尽快讨论。他不仅爽快地答应了，并且立即说他也希望我也对他做反馈。在最初的几年当中，我们都坚持这样的惯例，每周五下午见面谈论我们所关心的事情，事无巨细。几年下来，分享真实的意见已经成为我们关系当中很自然的一部分，我们现在随时会这么做，而不必再等到周五了。

从自己老板那里获得反馈很重要，但是从自己的下属那里获得反馈也同样至关重要。这绝非易事，因为员工总是太过于渴望去取悦他们的上司，而不去批评或质疑他们的上司。

我最喜欢的一个例子是来自华尔街的。1990年，鲍勃鲁宾成为高盛公司的首席执行官。上任满第一周，在查看公司账目时，他发现有一大笔在黄金上的投资。他问为什么会投资黄金?结果答案是，因为您，先生。我?他迷惑了。显然是因为在头一天他在交易所视察时曾经说过一句黄金看起来有点意思，结果这句话就被传成了鲁宾喜欢黄金，然后就有人花了几百万美元来讨老板的欢心。

我也遇到过类似的挑战，当然比这事的影响要在小一些的量级上。我刚加入Facebook时，我的职责之一是建立公司的商业运作——但与此同时还不能破坏成就Facebook的那种工程技术驱动的文化。所以我尝试做的一件事就是鼓励人们在和我开会时不要做正式的电子演示文稿。最开始我讲得很客气，结果所有人都无视我的要求，仍然在做电子演示文稿。大概过了两年吧，我就说，好了，我通常不喜欢立规矩，但我现在必须定个规矩，和我开会时谁也不能再做电子演示文稿了。

大约一个月之后，当我正要对我们的全球销售团队讲话时，一个同事对我说，在你上台之前，有件事你应该知道，大家对你规定的‘和客户会面不做电子演示文稿’的规定很有意见。我感到很震惊，我从来没有禁止过给客户做电子演示文稿!我只是不希望他们在和我开会的时候用电子演示文稿。和客户展示产品时怎么能不做电子演示文稿?所以我上台就说，首先，我说的是和我开会时不用电子演示文稿。其次，下次你们再听到坏点子——就像和客户会面不做电子演示文稿这类——请大声说出来。哪怕你知道那话是我说的，请告诉我这是错误的!

一个好的领导者知道大部分雇员不愿意挑战权威，所以领导者就有义务主动要求反馈。我从电子演示文稿事件中吸取了教训。我现在经常问我的同事有哪些地方我还能做得更好?我总是对那些敢于对我说实话的人心怀感激，并且当众表扬他们。我深信只有你和你的同事并肩做战，只有当你不仅指挥而且也聆听时，你才能成为最好的领导。