英语幽默故事

第一篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him „The Boss.‟”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？” “没有，我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了”

第二篇：英语经典幽默故事

英语经典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.“The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何能酬谢他。“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老师

母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？”儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late.“It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously.”Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎么到这儿来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

索创在线英语http:///

第三篇：英语幽默故事

外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1、That man knows the future

Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden.While he was sawing, another man passed in the street.He stopped and said, 'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.Nasreddin said nothing.He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.' The man continued on his way.Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.'My God!' he cried.'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live.But the man had gone.2、You'll soon get used to it?

An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left.Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him.When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man.'What will happen to me now?' 'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn.'Everything will soon be all right again.Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.' The young man was very glad.'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man.'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'

Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market.At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree.There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too.After their lunch they went to sleep.After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other men's baskets and to put them in his.Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him.'What are you doing?' he said angrily.'Oh,' said Nasreddin, don't worry about me.I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things.'

'Oh, really?' said the other man.'Then why don't you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody else's baskets?'

'You did not understand me,' said Nasreddin.I said，that I was half mad, not quite mad.' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁将两大筐葡萄放在他的毛驴背上，赶着驴向市场去。中午时，天气很炎热，他在一颗大树的树荫下停了下来。那里还有几个人，他们都带着毛驴并驮着一筐筐葡萄。吃完中饭后，这些人就睡觉了。过了一会儿，纳斯瑞丁就开始从别人筐里拿葡萄往自己筐里放。

突然，一个人醒来并看见了他在干这件事。“你在干什么？”他愤怒地说。

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“不要为我担心，我是个半疯子，而且常常做一些奇怪的事。”

“啊，是吗？”另一个人说：“那么你为什么不有时从你的筐中拿葡萄往别人筐里放呢？”

“你还没明白我的话，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我说我只是个半疯，并不是全疯。”

There was a big garden near Nasreddin's house, and it had a lot of fruit trees in it.One day Nasreddin saw some beautiful apples on one of them.He went home and got a ladder, put it against the high wall of the garden and climbed up.Then he pulled the ladder up, put it down on the other side, and climbed down into the garden.Just then a gardener came round a corner and saw him.'What are you doing here?' he shouted.Nasreddin thought quickly and then said, 11 am selling my ladder.'

'Selling your ladder? In somebody else's garden? Do you think I believe such a stupid story?' said the gardener and came towards Nasreddin with a stick.'It is my ladder,' said Nasreddin, 'and I can sell it where I like.You needn't buy it if you don't want to.' And he took his ladder and climbed over the wall again.靠近纳斯瑞丁的家有一座大花园，花园中有很多果树。一天，纳斯瑞丁看见一颗果树上有些苹果长得很好。他就回家去拿了一个梯子，把梯子靠在花园的高墙上后就爬了上去。然后拿起梯子，把它放在墙那边，下了梯子就进了花园。正好这时，花园的园丁从墙角转过来看见了他。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

“你在这里干些什么？”花园的园丁叫喊道。

纳斯瑞丁很快想了想，然后说道：“我正在卖我的梯子呢。”

“卖你的梯子？在别人的花园里卖梯子？你认为我会相信这种蠢话吗？”说着，花园的园丁拿着根棍子向纳斯瑞丁走来。

“这是我的梯子，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我想在哪里卖就在哪里卖。如果你不想要就不买好了。”接着，他拿着梯子又爬过了围墙。

Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something white in his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.'That is a thief!, he thought, and he took his gun and shot at him.Then he went back to bed, because he was too frightened to go out of the house in the dark.The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging' on the clothes-line in the garden.His wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry.Now it had a bullet-hole right through the middle of it.'My God,' said Nasreddin, 11 was lucky last night.If I had been wearing that shirt, the bullet would have killed me!' And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.纳斯瑞丁半夜醒来，看见一个白色的东西在他花园里。看起来好像在向屋子这边移动着。

“是贼！”纳斯瑞丁想，接着他拿出枪向贼射击。然后，他又上床睡觉了，因为他害怕，所以不敢在黑暗中走出屋子。

第二天早晨，纳斯瑞丁出来看见他的一件白衬衣挂在花园里的晒衣绳上。是他的妻子前一天将衬衣洗好后挂在外面晾干的。现在在它中间有一个子弹孔正好穿过。

“我的天，”纳斯瑞丁说：“昨夜我真是走运，要是我穿上这件衬衣，子弹就把我打死了！”接着他就把邻居们召集在一起，并要他们一块儿感谢上帝救了他的命。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river.When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip, so his father said, 'That sack is nearly in the water!Press down hard on it!'

His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do.He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water.Of course, the flour was lost.'What have you done, Nasreddin?' his father shouted angrily.'Well, Father', said Nasreddin, ,this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.'

当纳斯瑞丁还是个孩子的时候，他从不照着别人说的去做，所以他爸爸想让他做什么时，总是反着说。

一天，他们俩用毛驴驮着几袋面粉回家时，他们路过必经的一条浅水河。当他们走到河中间时，纳斯瑞丁赶的驴子驮的一个口袋开始滑动，所以他爸爸说：“那个口袋快要滑到水里了！使劲将它向下压！”

纳斯瑞丁的爸爸当然预料他会反着做，但是这一次纳斯瑞丁却照着他爸爸说的做了。他向下压口袋，口袋掉到了水里。当然，面粉也就完了。

“你干了些什么，纳斯瑞丁？”他爸爸生气地叫了起来。

“哦，爸爸，”纳斯瑞丁说：“这一次我想我偏要照你说的做，让你看看你的指挥一向是多么愚蠢。”

Nasreddin had lost his donkey.He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.One of his neighbours saw him and said, 'Hullo, Nasreddin.What are you doing?' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

'I am looking for my donkey,' answered Nasreddin.'Don't you know where it is?' asked the neighbour.'No, I don't.'

'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.'

'Yes, that is quite true,' answered Nasreddin.'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost.My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there.If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!'

纳斯瑞丁的毛驴丢了。他四处寻找，并且一边找一边高兴地唱着歌。

一个邻居看见他这副样子，就问：“喂，纳斯瑞丁，你在干嘛？”

“我正在找我的毛驴呢，”纳斯瑞丁回答。

“你不知道驴子在哪儿吗？”邻居问道。

“我不知道。”

“那么，你为什么还这么高兴地唱着歌呢？通常人们丢失了东西时总是很悲伤的。”

“是的，你说的很对，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“但是你要知道，我并没有认为我的驴子确实已经丢了。我的最后一个希望是驴就在那边的那座山后面。如果驴不在那里的话，等一会儿，你就会听到我是怎样的哭喊和抱怨了。”

One winter Nasreddin had very little money.His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply.He gave his donkey less food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, 'The donkey was used to eating a lot.Now he is quickly getting used to eating less;and soon he will got used to living on almost nothing.'

Each day Nasreddin gave.the donkey a little less food, until it was hardly eating anything.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died.'How unlucky I am,' said Nasreddin.'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.' 1.What was the matter with Nasreddin one winter?

2.Why had this happened?

3.What did he have to do?

4.What did he do to his donkey?

5.What happened after two days?

6.What did Nasreddin then say to himself?

7.What did he do each day after that?

8.What was the donkey doing in the end?

9.What happened to the donkey?

10.When did it happen?

11.What did Nasreddin say?

一年冬天，纳斯瑞丁身上只有很少一点钱了。这年他的庄稼长得很不好，他只得十分节省地过日子。他给驴子喂的食料比过去少了。两天以后，驴子看起来和往日一样，纳斯瑞丁就自言自语地说：“这头驴过去习惯于吃得很多，现在它很快就适应吃得比过去少了；很快它就会适应几乎什么都不吃了。”

以后，纳斯瑞丁每天一点一点地减少喂驴的食料，直到这驴几乎什么都不吃。

后来有一天，当这驴子驮着一驮木头赶集去的时候，它突然死了。“我真是太倒霉了，”纳斯瑞丁说：“就在我的驴子刚刚适应几乎什么都不用吃时，它在这世上却又活到头了。

Nasreddin's wife was very ill, and at last she died.After a few months, Nasreddin married again.His new wife was a widow.Exactly seven days after he married her, she had a baby.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Nasreddin at once hurried away to the market and bought some paper, some pencils, some pens and some children's books.Then he hurried back home again with these things and put them beside the baby.His now wife was surprised.'What are you doing?' she said.'The baby won't be able to use.those things for a long time Why are you in such a hurry?'

Nasreddin answered, 'You are quite wrong, my dear.Our baby is not an ordinary baby.It came in seven days instead of nine months, so it will certainly be ready to learn to read and write in a few weeks from now.' 1.What happened to Nasreddin's first wife?

2.What did Nasreddin do?

3.When did he do this?

4.What was his new wife?

5.What happened to his new wife then?

6.When did it happen?

7.What did Nasreddin do at once?

8.What did he buy?

9.What did he do with these things?

10.How did his wife feel?

11.What did she say to Nasreddin?

12.What did he answer?

纳斯瑞丁的妻子得了重病，最后死去了。几个月以后，纳斯瑞丁又结了婚。他的新妻子原先是一个寡妇。

正好在他们结婚七天以后，她生下一个孩子。

纳斯瑞丁马上赶到市场买了一些纸、铅笔、钢笔和一些儿童图书。然后，他带着这些东西匆匆地回家，并把这些东西放在婴儿的旁边。他的新婚妻子很吃惊。“你这是在干嘛？”她说：“这孩子用这些东西还早着呢，你忙什么？” 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁回答说：“你说的可太不对了，亲爱的。我们的孩子是个不同寻常的孩子。他用七天而不是九个月来到世上，所以从现在起几星期以后，他一定会愿意学习识字和写字了。”

Some of Nasreddin's old friends were talking about the young people in their town.They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people.Then one of the old men said, 'But young men are stronger than old men.'

All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin.He said, 'No.I am as strong now as when I was a young man.'

'What do you mean?' said his friends.'How is that possible? Explain yourself!'

'Well,' said Nasreddin, 'in one corner of my field there is a rock.When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn't because I was not strong enough.I am an old man now, and when I try to move it, I still cannot.' 1.Who were talking at the beginning of this story?

2.What were they talking about?

3.What did they all agree?

4.What did one of the old men say then?

5.What did the others do?

6.Who did not agree?

7.What did he say?

8.What did his friends say then?

9.What did Nasreddin answer?

10.Why did he think that he was as strong as when he was a young man?

11.What mistake was he making when he thought this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁和一些老朋友正在谈论着他们镇上的年青人。他们一致认为老年人比年青人更有智慧。后来有位老人说：“不过年青人要比老年人力气大。”

他们都承认这是事实，但纳斯瑞丁除外。他说：“不，我现在的力气和我年青时一样大。”

“这话是什么意思呢？”他的朋友们说：“这可能吗？你解释一下！”

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我田里的一个角落里有一块石头。我年青时常常使劲把它挪走，但是我挪不动它，因为我只有那点力气。现在我老了，当我使劲把它挪走时，我还是挪不动它。”

When Nasreddin's first wife died, he married again.His second wife was much younger than he was and they often quarrelled.One evening when Nasreddin came home very late, his wife said to him, 'I cooked your dinner two hours ago.It is quite spoiled now.' She was so angry that she gave him a push, and as she was strong, and he was old and weak, he fell down the stairs.One of Nasreddin's neighbours, who was always eager to know what was happening in everybody else's house, was listening, and when she heard the noise that Nasreddin made when he fell down the stairs, she came to his front door and knocked.'What has happened?' she said.'My coat fell down the stairs,' he answered.'But a coat would not make so much noise!' the neighbour said.'Of course it would,' answered Nasreddin, 'if I was inside it!' 1.What happened when Nasreddin's first wife died?

2.What was his second wife like?

3.What did he and his second wife often do?

4.What did Nasreddin do one night?

5.What did his wife say?

6.How did she feel? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

7.What did she do?

8.What happened then?

9.Why was she able to push him over?

10.Who was listening?

11.Why was she listening?

12.What did she do?

13.When did she do this?

14.What did she say?

15.What did Nasreddin answer?

16.What did the woman say then?

17.What was Nasreddin's answer?

纳斯瑞丁的第一个妻子死后，他又娶了一个。他的第二个妻子比他年轻得多，他们常常争吵。一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁回家很迟，他妻子就对他说：“两小时前我就给你做好了晚餐，现在都放坏了。”她很生气，所以推了纳斯瑞丁一下。她很强壮，而纳斯瑞丁却又老又弱，所以他就从楼梯上摔了下来。

纳斯瑞丁有一位邻居，她总是热衷于打听别人家里发生的事，这时她正听着。当她听到纳斯瑞丁从楼梯摔下的声音后，她就来纳斯瑞丁的前门敲门。

“出了什么事了？”她说。

“我的衣服从楼梯上掉下去了。”他回答。

“一件衣服会发出这么大的声音吗！”这位邻居说。

“当然会，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“如果我在衣服里面的话！”

One of Nasreddin's rich neighbours gave a big party one evening, but he forgot to invite him.Nasreddin waited and waited, but no invitation came, so at last, when the party had already begun, he 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

took a piece of paper, folded it, put it in an envelope and took it to his neighbour's house.'I have a very important letter for the host,' he said to the servants at the door.The servants took him into the big room where everybody was eating, Nasreddin gave the letter to his rich neighbour and at once sat down and began to fill his mouth with food.The host looked at the envelope, but there was nothing on it, so he said, 'Are you sure that this letter is for me? There is no address on it.'

'Oh, yes,' said Nasreddin, 'and there is no writing inside it either because it was prepared in a hurry.' 1.What happened one evening?

2.What did the man forget to do?

3.What did Nasreddin do at first?

4.What did he do then?

5.What did he say?

6.Whom did he say this to?

7.What did the servants do?

8.What was everybody doing?

9.What did Nasreddin do?

10.What did he do then?

11.What did the host do?

12.What was there on the envelope?

13.What did the host say to Nasreddin?

14.What did Nasreddin answer?

一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁的一位富有的邻居举行了一个盛大的晚会，但他忘记邀请纳斯瑞丁了。纳斯瑞丁等了又等，但仍然没有人来请他，最后，外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

当宴会早已开始后，他拿出一张纸，叠好后装在信封里，带着它到邻居家里去了。

“我有一封很重要的信要给主人，”他对门口的侍者们说。侍者们领他到大厅里，大家正吃着，纳斯瑞丁将信交给他这位富有的邻居，然后马上坐下，将食品塞满嘴里。

主人看着信封，可是上面一个字也没有，于是他问：“你肯定这封信是给我的吗？上面连地址都没有。”

“噢，是的，”纳斯瑞丁说：“并且信里也什么都没有写，因为信是在匆忙中准备的。”

A rich man and his wife went into a shop to buy a bracelet.Neither of them was very young.They looked at a lot of beautiful bracelets, and after half an hour there were two which they liked very much, but they had not yet been able to choose between them.One of them was very expensive, and the other was quite a lot cheaper.Of course, the shopkeeper wanted to sell them the more expensive one, because then he would get more money from them, so he said to the lady, 'Oh, go on.Spend his money.If you don't, he will only spend it on his second wife.'

For several seconds nobody said a word, and then lady said angrily, 'I am his second wife!' 1.Who went into the shop in this story?

2.Why did they go in there?

3.What happened after half an hour?

4.What were the two bracelets like?

5.What did the shopkeeper want?

6.How old were they?

7.What did they do in the shop?

8.Why did he want this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

9.What did he say to the lady?

10.Did she answer at once?

11.What did she say?

12.How did she feel?

一位富翁和他的太太到商店里去买手镯。他们俩都不年轻了。他们看了很多漂亮的手镯，隔了半小时，他们选中了两只最喜欢的，但他们却难以在二者之间再作出选择。二者之中有一只很昂贵，另一只却便宜得多。

店主当然想把贵的一只卖给他们，因为这样他就可以赚他们更多的钱，于是他就对那位太太说：“好吧，买这只吧，花掉他的钱。如果你不花，他就会把钱都花在他的第二位太太身上。”

好几分钟过去了，谁都没有开口，终于那位太太愤怒地开口说：“我就是他的第二位太太！”

Mrs.Evans went to a large local cinema one summer afternoon.Half-way through the wonderful film there was the usual interval, so that people could buy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream.Mrs.Evans rarely bought anything in the cinema, but this time she was feeling hot, so she thought, 'I'll have an ice-cream to cool me.I certainly need it.' Quite a lot of the audience were waiting to buy ice-creams from the girl who was selling them, so Mrs.Evans waited for her turn.There was a small boy in front of her.When it was his turn, he offered the girl ten pence and asked for an ice-cream, but they cost twenty pence, so the girl said, 'I want another ten pence, please.'

The small boy put the coin back in his pocket, put his hand in another pocket, took out another ten pence coin and offered that to the girl.Mrs.Evans was so amused that she paid the other ten pence herself.A.Answer these questions.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1.Why did Mrs.Evans decide to have an ice-cream ii the cinema?

2.Why did :she have to wait before she could buy it?

3.Why did the girl ask the small bay for more money?

4.What did the boy do then?

5.Why did Mrs.Evans help him?

B.Which words in the story mean:

1.big

2.make less hot

3.not at all frequently

4.people in a theatre or cinema

5.should be able to

C.Write this story.Put one word in each empty space.You will find all the correct words in the story.A man was boasting to a stranger about the beer in his town.'Why is it so...?' the stranger asked.'Is it stronger than the...beer?'

'It...is!' said the...man.'I've...found a stronger one.A friend of mine was at a cinema, and...through the film, during the..., he went to the bar and had a few glasses of it to...himself, because he felt hot.Then he went into the cinema again.'

'Well, and what's so wonderful about that?, asked the stranger, putting a...down as a tip for the barman.'When he went in again, he found that there was a different film and a different..., and when he asked one of them, he discovered that it was the next night!'

一个夏天的下午，埃文斯太太到当地的一所大电影院去看电影。精采的电影放到一半时，通常总有一个中间休息，使大家在这时能买些糖果、巧克力和冰淇淋。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

埃文斯太太在电影院里很少买东西吃，但这次她感到很热，所以她想：“我得吃块冰淇淋凉快凉快，我确实需要吃冰淇淋。”很多观众都等着从一个卖冰淇淋的姑娘那里购买，所以埃文斯太太排队等着。

有一个小男孩排在她的前面。当轮到这个男孩买时，他给姑娘10个便士要买一块冰淇淋，但冰淇淋要20个便士，所以这姑娘就说“请给我另外的10个便士。”

这个小男孩把那个硬币放回口袋，把手伸入另外一个口袋，拿出另一个10便士的硬币，交给了那个姑娘。

埃文斯太太被逗乐了，结果她付了那另外的10个便士。

Timothy was ten years old.He was not a very good pupil, and he did not like having to do homework, because he preferred to do other things in his free time.Frequently he did not do his homework, and when he did do it, he always made a lot of mistakes.Then one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Timothy's homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.He was very pleasedand rather surprised.He called Timothy to his desk and said to him, 'You got all your home-work right this time, Timothy.What happened? Did your father help you?'

Usually Timothy's father did help him with his home-work, but the evening before this, he had not been able to, because he had not been at home, so Timothy answered, 'No, sir.He was busy last night, so I had to do it all myself.'

A.Answer these questions，1.What kind of homework did Timothy's teachers expect to see from him?

2.Why was one of his teachers surprised one day?

3.What did he think had happened?

4.Did Timothy usually do his homework alone?

5.When Timothy's father helped him with his homework, did he get all of it right? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

B.Opposites.Write these sentences.Put one word In each empty space.1.Timothy isn't free this evening: he is....He is doing his homework.2.Timothy didn't get his sums right frequently.He got them right very....3.Timothy was an honest boy.He was never....4.Timothy's teacher didn't think it was possible that he had done his homework without

help.He thought it was....5.Timothy wasn't ashamed of his homework that day: he was...of it.蒂莫西10岁了。他不是个很好的学生，而且不喜欢做该做的家庭作业，因为他在课外时间里更喜欢去干些不相干的事。他经常不完成家庭作业，而且，就算他做了，也总是错误百出。

后来有一天，蒂莫西的数学老师批阅他的家庭作业时，发现他的答案全都算对了。老师十分高兴，而且颇为吃惊。他把蒂莫西叫到他的桌子旁并对他说：“这次你的家庭作业全做对了，蒂莫西。怎么回事？是你爸爸帮你做的吗？”

以往蒂莫西的爸爸的确是常常帮他做家庭作业，但那天的前一个晚上，他爸爸因为不在家，没能帮他做，所以蒂莫西回答说：“不是，先生。他昨天晚上很忙，所以我只好全部自己动手做了。”

A man met a friend in the street and asked him to lend him five pounds.The friend did so willingly，A week later they met again.'You've lent me￡5.Lend me another;￡5, and then I'll owe you￡10,' the friend said.The man did so，A few days later they met again, and the friend said, 'You lent me￡10.Lend me another;￡10, and then I'll owe you;￡20.' The man did this, although he was rather doubtful about doing it.Two weeks later the friend asked for more money.'You've already lent me￡20.Can you make it￡50?' he said.The man did not answer for a few seconds, but he was unable to refuse.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A month later, the two men met again.'You've lent me￡50_,'began the friend.'Who? Me?' answered the man anxiously.'I disagree!I've never lent you any money!'

A.Answer these questions.1.How did the man feel when his friend asked him for the first five pounds?

2.How did he feel when his friend asked him for the second ten pounds?.Why did he then lend him thirty more pounds?

4.Why did he say finally that he had never lent his friend any money?

5.How many times did the man lend his friend money;and how much did he lend him each time?

B.Opposites.What words in the story mean the opposite of:

1.accept

2.agree

3.calmly

4.certain

5.unwillingly

C.Write this story.Put one of these words or no word at an, in each empty space:

It net so

A: 'Can you lend me ten pounds, George?'

B: 'I think....Can I have it back on Friday?，A: 'I doubt....Won't next Sunday be all right?'

B: 'I'm afraid....I need it for Saturday., 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A: 'I see....I was afraid....Everybody needs money on Saturday.'

B: 'I agree....You see, my wife

A: 'You don't, have to explain....I understand....'

B: 'I hope....When I have to refuse a.friend, I don't like

一个男人在街上遇到了一个朋友，就向他借5英镑钱。这个朋友乐意地借给了他。

一星期后他们又碰到了一起。“你已经借给我5镑了，再借给我5镑，这样我就欠你10镑了，”借钱的朋友说。那个男人借给他了。

几天以后他们又相见了，那个借钱的朋友说：“你借给了我10镑，再借给我10镑，那么我就欠你20镑了。”那个男人就借给了他，尽管他很怀疑该不该这么做。

两星期后借钱的朋友又要借更多的钱。“你已经借给我20镑了，你可以凑成50镑吗？”他说。

那个男人好几分钟答不上话，但他难以拒绝。

一个月以后，这两人又相遇了。“你已经借给我50镑了„„，”那个借钱的朋友又开口了。

“谁？我吗？”那个男人急忙地回答说：“我没这事！我从没有借给你一分钱！”

41.You Let Me Search Quite

Once upon a time, there was a man who always forgot things.One day, he went out with his little son.He was so happy that he put the son ride his neck.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

After a time, he suddenly thought of his son, he asked people: “Have you seen my child?”

One of his villagers laughed and said: “Don't you know he is on your neck?”

Hearing this, the man took down his son from his neck, he was so angry that he hit the son on the face, then shouted: “I have told you not to go here and there.Where did you go just now?” Notes:

(1)think of想起

(2)hearing this听到这话。这是个分词短语，相当于一个表示时间的状语从句，即：When he heard this.Exercises: 根据短文填空：

① Once ______ a time, there was a man who always forgot things.② He was so happy that he put the son ______ his neck.③ After _______ time, he suddenly thought of his son.④ _______ this, the man took down his son from his neck.⑤ He was so angry that he hit the son _______ the face.41.叫我好找

古时，有个人记性极差。一天，他带着小儿子出去玩。一高兴，便把小儿子举起来，让他骑在自己的脖子上。

过了一会儿，他忽然想起儿子来，逢人便问：“你看到我孩子了吗？”

“哎，你脖子上的那个不是吗？”有个邻居见了大笑。

这个人一把将小儿子从脖子上揪下来，狠狠地打了一耳光，骂道：“混蛋，叫你别乱跑，刚才你到哪里去了？”

第四篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默经典故事

（一）An old man lived alone in northern ireland.His only son was in prison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “for heavens sake, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the guns!”

At 4 am the next morning, a dozen british soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: “just plant your potatoes.” 词汇：

alone

northern Ireland prison garden plow

receive reply heavens sake dig

bury gun

dozen British soldier entire

confused Happen

短语： 译文：

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”

老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。

儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

（二）One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “mom, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.”

The mother exclaimed, “but that's terrible!I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this!By the way, what was it that you didn't do?”

The little girl replied, “my homework.” 译文：

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。”

妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？”

小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。”

（三）Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside.He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” “Yes, ” the farmer looked at him strangely and said, “you are in your car, sir.” 译文：

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

（四）New Discovery

A farmer was visiting the big city for the first time.Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room.The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, “I should have brought my wife!”

译文：

新发现

一个农民第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。

这个农民惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

（五）A Mistake

An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake.“Give me $500 each,” he said, “and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.”

“Done!” said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.“Where are the others?” asked a medic.“Last I knew,” said the American, “the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay.”

译文：

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”

（六）A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr.Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air.He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat.He found all of them had already had been taken except for one.There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr.Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window;but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it.It was written in ink and said, “This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you.” Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane.The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.译文：

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

（七）Keys? Kiss?

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, “Give me the kays.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated.“Give me the kays.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.译文：

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

（八）First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, “Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don't they?”

“Those are ants,” answered his friend.“We're still on the ground.”

译文：

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

第五篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “It will rain tomorrow.” The next day it rained.一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, “There will be a storm tomorrow.” The next day there was a storm.一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow,” said the director.“And I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?” 最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊？” The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“I don't know,” he said.“My radio is broken.” 这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。” 2 Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.” “但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer.“I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.” “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。

“But ,officer, I ….” “但是，警察，我，，”。

“I said to keep quiet!You are going to jail!” “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.” 几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他会带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “Are you sure?” answered the man in the cell.“I'm the groom.” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事 stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding n.超速行驶

speeding在这里作名词使用，表示超速行驶，也可以作speed现在分词，表示加速。eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too? 你要去哪里？我有超速吗？ 3

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story.Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.“You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?” he began.The children nodded yes.“Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone.He's on the other end, but you can't see him.He is listening though.”

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, “What's his number?”

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 3

She'd rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.“That's okay,” he said, “The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey.” Mom pondered that idea and then replied “I'd rather buy you a gift.”

她宁愿买一件礼物

旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。“没关系，”他说，“我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。”妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，“我宁愿给你买一件礼物。” 4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.亲爱的，丈夫对妻子说：我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。

什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

这些我全都知道。

那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？

因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。