英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

第一篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it.Now it’s too late to regret.Nothing in the world can be more painful than that.If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 吕欢 M:孙悟空 徐彩凤 P:猪八戒 艾翘 S:沙僧 李岩艳

X:白骨精原型 乌凡迪 X1:白骨精变成的男人 张伊僮 X2:白骨精变成的女人 王彧 Q:女儿国王后 孙栾营

T: Wow„,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie!Give the fucking„„..(转过身看到八戒在看书)T:(很吃惊)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao„.xi„..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end„..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand„

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because„(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)P:I know T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food„.Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧开始给Q打电话（背景音乐《做你的男人》）T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释„.)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling„.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you„oh„they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace„ M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye„

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food„.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away„..T: Em„„.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安装)（X已躲在一旁偷看）P: This is„..? M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em„„Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!M: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 白骨精上场

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa„I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan.Ehn„..get it!i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha„„change change„„

转了几圈，变成了一个男人。（背景音乐《天竺少女》）X1:I look great!X1:(接近三人，望着)Hey,guys!Can I join you? S: I’m sorry,sir.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)X1: Double King!T: Oh„.I win!Em„„,Sir,you are a boss-hand.(背景音乐《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)M:(回来，看见X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音乐《打斗》

T：er„..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death„..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女画册，继续看）M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it„„.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)X:（看到画册）ah„..I got a idea!White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.变成了一个女的（背景音乐《天竺少女》）说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi„.Mr handsome!T:（转头）wow„hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny„you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you„.（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west„..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语)M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.T:(念咒，好了得，悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha„..look at who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you„.Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况

Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（转向T)T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing„.and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh„but you look familiar„.you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number„..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白

X：I miss you too„„（背景音乐响起，《找朋友》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go„.音乐停，场上只有唐僧，犹豫的望着天空，音乐换成《一生所爱》 一会儿，悟空和八戒上场，安慰唐僧（背景音乐响起，《算什么男人》），重新上路《敢问路在何方》„..全剧终

第二篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Beat it!人物：T:唐僧 陈鹏

M:孙悟空 陈中良

P:猪八戒 李涛

S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程

X1:白骨精变成的男人

X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳

Q:女儿国王后 徐静静

T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie!Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)T:(很吃惊)hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you!You are not supposed to read this kind of book!I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)……… P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse.(声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边)hey！pig, get out of here!give me some private space!唐僧开始给Q打电话

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back!Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…

M:who you are phoning,boss? T:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? M:here!I found some delicious bananas!T:bananas again?!How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey!I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..白骨精上场

X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan.Ehn…..get it!i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change…… 转了几圈，变成了一个男人。X1:I look great!蹒跚的走过去

X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some? T(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard!Pig,beat him,get him out of here.M正好回来 将它打死.T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death…..Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃，看书)M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:（看到画册）ah…..I got a idea!变成了一个女的 说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）

X2:hi….Mr handsome!T:（转头）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?!Let us go!(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)M:Monster！look at how I beat you….（唐僧赶忙拦住）

T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语)M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎，别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：

X2:hahaha…..look at who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）.X2：i will eat you….Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况 Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....（转向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思议的）T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)Q（面向x）：who are you? X:I am baigujing….and you？

Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai? X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.Q:why do not contact me? X:I do not know your number…..this is your man?!Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白 X：I miss you too……（背景音乐响起，《红豆》）X：how about a cup of tea in my house? Q: that would be perfect, let us go….音乐停，场上只有唐僧，犹豫的望着天空，音乐换成《可惜不是你》 一会儿，悟空和八戒上场，安慰唐僧，重新上路《敢问路在何方》…..全剧终

第三篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇

人物 ： 唐僧

八戒

悟空

白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨精原型男

女儿国国王

hope you guys enjoy it！

改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子

唐: Wow…boys!This place looks beautiful.Where we are now? Does any one of you know something about it? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)唐:八戒，Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

唐：哼!（唐生气地叫）pig，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)唐:(很吃惊)wow！八戒，very good!I hardly see you study！.What kind of book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English? 八戒依旧看书，不理睬。唐:(凑过去)let me have a look!八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not supposed to read books about beautiful girls!I will keep it for you until we finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t understand…

唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？,This is because…oh 悟空 dance to my song！

(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)八戒:ok boss，I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）

唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse.boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说)hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest.get out of here!give me some private space!（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country 唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together.哼！you seldom give me a call。唐:oh darling….i am sorry.you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that.I can only call you when I am alone.But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart。oh damn it！…they are back!Honey I will call you the next time ok！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）悟空: boss，who are you calling ? 唐:er(支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda.where is my food? 悟空:here!Ive found some delicious bananas!唐:banana，banana banana!How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey!I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok

悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去

唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..白骨精上场

白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats

master tang will live forever.how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me.嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完！。

白1:嘿嘿I look great!蹒跚的走过去

白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy，may god bless you 唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too.get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。

悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss，do you need some more bananas？

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it，you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it，how can I know that you want to see it？

。if you don‟t want to see it，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it。then I wont let you see(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

唐：悟空！come back！哎。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh ….He is interested in girls 嘿嘿!变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换 说话一定要嗲

白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone.白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话）

白2:hi….gentleman!唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny 白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。I just got lost，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？

唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you，you don‟t worry！

八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow，what a beautiful girl！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god！our boss is in danger now！马上朝白2冲过去

悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面

唐:what are you doing？ monkey，don‟t be rude!this beautiful lady is my new friend！

悟空:boss, this is a monster，in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl，she will eat you！唐:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）

唐：I think，you，little monkey need to be punished 悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please

唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。!说 Money，you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语)(杰克逊的beat it，，just beat it，beat it，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？)悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。please stop stop I will listen to you“

八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„

唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。

唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go！” 八戒不情愿地离开 白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖

白原：idiot！.look who I am（变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….唐：啊！悟空 悟空 八戒

come back come back 白原：哈哈哈 shut up！no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟！be quick！„

白原看到将电话拿过扔掉 白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势 女:“stop！白原转过头来 唐”oh darling you just come at the right time，thank god！“

女：er，I didn‟t tell you that I have bought a new airplane with a satellite map，so I can find you easily！cool huh？ 女:monster.i will finish you（举起魔杖，指着白原）

白原:看着很吃惊you are the king of the girl country？ it must have been hundreds of years since the last time when we were together

女：I am confused。who are you ？

白原:带上帽子变成一个男子，新白娘子传奇音乐响

白原唱者：“oh 娘子，啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！西湖美景三月天哟，春雨如酒柳如烟勒“

女：”oh 相公，十年修得共船渡，百年修得共枕眠“

白原和女合唱：若是千呀年呀有缘，白首同心在眼前。啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦。。！白首同心在眼前”，女：oh my darling I miss you all the time，tears fall down everytime when I think of you。低声哭泣着。

白原：哎，边给女擦眼泪 honey，forgive me，when we were apart last time，on my way home，god caught me and I was sent to prison by him、。a few days ago I just came out secretly！

女: 哼，not all the monsters are evil，god should not have treated you like that。

白原：oh honey don‟t be sad now I am back，we can live together forever，right？

女：”great，let‟s go back to my country，this way please，my airplane is there！两人手拉手向飞机走去！留下唐僧一人。

唐自言自语；“哎，my queen left me，how can she cheat me and break my young heart？

八戒赶过来看见唐很悲伤 说“boss，what happened？ 唐：“nothing ,I just miss my mother ok！„

八戒：oh boss don‟t be sad。When you miss her，you can call her and ask her to be online！then you can see her through the Internet。I think qq is a good choice!唐：“ok 八戒，lets go、where are your brothers ？

八戒：boss they are waiting for us，we should continue our journey now。。唐”ok。。音乐西游记

敢问路在何方 路在脚下、、、

第四篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平）B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map!E:(摸出，递给S)S: Look, boss(凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……

T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing!Map? E:(递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(凶相)? E:(软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)B1:(接近三人，望着)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1:(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a boss-hand.Come in and teach me!(准备

开电网门)S:(回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……

T:(气愤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)T:(呛住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!

B:(真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)S:（咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don't mention that guy any more!B:(出现)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)T:（惊）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)B:(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)S: What? T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

(谢幕)

爱在西元前

第五篇：搞笑短剧剧本

《茶叶蛋与爱情》

第一幕

在那个炎热而充满激情的夏天，经过无数次课间的小纸条，郭建国终于和李阿芳在一起了。

经历了六月高考后，阿芳迎来了她的录取通知书，而建国也...落榜了，于是他们不得不面临分隔两地，这一天郭建国送李阿芳去她梦想中的高等学府“湖南财政经济学院”。

李阿芳：国，我就要去读大学了，你在砖厂要好好干，我毕业了就嫁你。

郭建国：芳，你放心，我不会辜负你的期望的，等你回来了我就一定是这旮旯最大砖厂的老板了，到时我会调八辆拖拉机去娶你的。

李阿芳：国，我选你。

郭建国：芳，我也选你。

进入大学，阿芳和刘思思分到一个寝室，对于这个地道的本地人，阿芳感到深深的自卑，虽然陌生的人陌生的城市，但是阿芳并不孤单，她和她的建国哥每天都要打一通电话。这天郭建国打来了电话。

李阿芳：国，城里人真的好奇怪，就一大锅菜硬是被他们整成了火锅，一点青菜豆腐卖的那么贵。我觉得那会高中你揣在兜里的地瓜最香了。

郭建国：芳，你别整城里人那套，不要学坏了。

李阿芳：我知道，你好好干，不说了，话费老贵了。

郭建国：芳，我选你。

李阿芳：我也选你。

刘思思：你和谁打电话呢？

李阿芳：我男朋友。

刘思思：你就有男朋友了，真快啊。

李阿芳：我们高中就在一起了，他对我特好。

刘思思：他在哪个学校读书啊？

李阿芳：哪能，现在已经在工作了呢。

刘思思：工作了？他做什么的？

李阿芳：就...就....那个，帮别人工作呗，具体我也不清楚。我下去吃饭了。刘思思：等一下，我和你一起下去嘛，那个，听说最近隔壁班的周帅富对你蛮殷勤的，你要小心点啊，他这个人仗着有点小钱不知道勾搭过多少女孩子了，再说你不是有男朋友吗，就不要和他弄得太暧昧了

李阿芳：我知道的啦，我又不是那种贪慕虚荣的女孩子

第二幕

几天后（阿芳在宿舍兴高采烈的哼着歌）

刘思思：阿芳，你现在和周帅富怎么回事啊，白天眉来眼去晚上电话不断的 李阿芳：额，我觉得我现在对他有感觉了

刘思思：不要开玩笑了，他这人就没认真过

李阿芳：说不定这次就认真了呢

刘思思：你看上他哪里了啊，除了有点钱哪里就吸引你了

李阿芳：人家可是个高富帅呢

刘思思：你男朋友怎么办？

李阿芳：我愿意坐在宝马车里哭也不想在自行车上笑

刘思思：唉，过得开心快乐不就好了嘛

李阿芳：没钱哪来的快乐

刘思思：你高兴就好吧

李阿芳：恩恩

这一天阿芳又接到周帅富的电话

阿芳：喂

周：阿芳，是我阿芳：恩恩，我知道

周：周末有事么

阿芳：周末哦，我想想啊

周：带你去吃茶叶蛋

阿芳：茶叶蛋好贵啊，欧巴，我们还是不要去吃茶叶蛋了啦

周：没事，天空飘来五个字，钱就不是事儿

阿芳：kdie

这时接到男友电话

阿芳：喂

郭：阿芳，你在干嘛呢？

阿芳：还能干吗，在寝室呗

郭：哦，那也好那也好，我跟你说啊，我今天搬了十拖拉机的砖，赚了五十几块钱呢，过几天就发工资了，到时我又可以寄钱你了，你上次不是看中了那条38块的裙子么，你去买回来啊，你要多吃点······

阿芳：哎呀，行了行了知道啦（嘀咕：50块还不够人家吃个茶叶蛋呢）

在吃完茶叶蛋后

周：有男朋友么

阿芳：男朋友哦，人家还没有唉

周：那做我女朋友吧

阿芳：kdie

在光棍节前一天，阿芳提前给郭建国发了一短信

“国，提前祝你光棍节快乐”

“我不是有你么”

“在发这条短信的时候就不是了”

“我们不是好好的么，昨天我妈妈还问起你了呢，说等你毕业了就把家里那三间茅草屋给我做新房，我爸爸的单车也给我，咱们有房有车了你咋还不要俺了呢” “不是因为你没钱，你别想多了，不是因为钱”

“我没说钱啊”

“说了不是钱”

“额，你还敢再明显点么”

“国，我要的是一个高富帅，你却注定是一个屌丝，怀念十个月零三天八小时所有的美好时光，很遗憾，放开我———是你唯一能我做的，希望以后的你是快乐的，我的高中男生”

“咋还整上李亚鹏那套了，不就是分手么，我知道了，劈腿虽易，享受不易，且行其珍惜！！”

从此以后，阿芳和周帅富过上了想象中的生活

一开始他们是这样的周：带你去泡吧吧

阿芳：kdie，欧巴

周：带你去世界之窗玩玩？

阿芳：kdie，欧巴

周：买衣服化妆品

阿芳：kdie,欧巴

周：香港迪斯尼走走？

阿芳：kdie，欧巴

然后他们是这样的阿芳：国，我好想你，你在干嘛呢

周：玩游戏呢，等会再说

阿芳：今天肚子好疼，都没去上课

周：那今天晚上自助餐还去不去了

阿芳：额

阿芳：你到底爱我吗

周：干嘛整这套，且行且珍惜

阿芳:我们以后会结婚吗

周：你俗不俗，恋爱这么神圣的事都让你整俗了

第三幕

而在和阿芳分手后，郭建国在砖厂做事越来越没有动力，他总是想起曾经和李阿芳的山盟海誓，而一想到李阿芳他的小心脏就一阵阵的抽的疼，他觉得他的感情和自尊被阿芳无情的碾压了，而且在碾压后还被分袋封装丢弃的到处都是，他再也受不了，他决定去找阿芳理论。（他在寝室下面拦住了刚和刘思思逛完街回来的阿芳）

郭建国：阿芳····

李阿芳：你怎么又来了？

郭建国：阿芳，为什么？为什么？为什么？你真的不爱我了吗？你忘记当年在幽幽谷我们许下的诺言吗？山无棱，天地合.....李阿芳：乃敢与君绝。

郭建国：看，你还记得。

李阿芳：谁还没看过十几遍的还珠格格啊，你果然还是太天真了。

这时周帅富的电话来了

李阿芳：obba，有事吗？

周帅富：今晚7点7天见。

李阿芳：啊？什么？7天见？

周帅富：对，不见不散。（挂电话）

李阿芳：那个，那个，喂....郭建国：你居然还跟人去7天？

李阿芳：我没有。

郭建国：（盯着李阿芳）

李阿芳：我没有！

郭建国：你说你的节操去哪了？

李阿芳：节操在这呢！

郭建国：你看看你现在的样子，lv的包，迪奥的鞋，手里还一土豪金，跟人讲话那得瑟劲，这还是那同桌的你吗？曾经的你可爱，善良，撒起娇来像小猫一样，现在小猫咋长成山大王了呢，你基因变异了吗！还一口一句的泡菜腔，你是吃多了紫菜包饭吗？棒子国那些锥子脸们就没有扎醒你吗？对，我没有钱，我只是没有钱啊！

李阿芳：难道我离开你选择他只是为了钱吗？对，我就为了钱。Kdie,为了钱。我现在去逛街，再也不用担心买不起衣服，可是之前看中的几十块的裙子却再也找不到了；去世界之窗，我却想起了之前我们在小河里捉鱼的日子；买化妆品，可是我却认不出我自己了。我再也不用为钱发愁，可是，却失去了男朋友应有的对我的关心和珍惜。可即便这样，钱也从来都不属于我，我用他的钱买了一大堆堆砌我外在美丽的附属品，可是我却在也不是原来的我，在我选择和你分手的时候我就丢掉了我自己，丢掉了自尊，丢掉了快乐。

郭建国：阿芳，回来吧，我一直在这里。

献给所有

曾经逝去 正在拥有 即将发生

却从未离开过我们的——爱情