TPO1.1独立写作求批改

第一篇：TPO1.1独立写作求批改

TPO1.1

The professor has different opinions with material in reading passage about whether the company should offer the employee four-day work instead of five-day work.The professor opposite the mandatory policy about this.Firstly,In the reading,some think the employee work four-day can greatly improve the profits because after they have enough time for rest and the new employees undertake part of work,they are more altered and make less errors.however,the professor extremely disagree with this,saying new employeeneed to be trained before they work,which will cost much,in the meantime,more employees need more offices and computers ,the company have to spend money on equipments,as a result,it may cause high pressure not much profits.Secondly,in the reading,some think the short work time can help the country cut the unemployment,because the company need more workers to finish the whole products.on the contrast,the professor point out that the company would like to make those who work five days work longer to make up the work left behind because the peoplework five days.in this way,the unemployment wouldn't be decreasing.Thirdly,in the reading,some think people who have only four-day work may be have a much higher life quality,because they spend only a little of time ,but actually get more free time to rest and stay with family.but in the lecture,the professor claim that those who work less hours may have risk of lower of life quality, workingless time means earning less money and also damaging their images in their company,they would have less opportunity to be promoted in their future career,because the company prefer the worker work long hours to make more money for them.

第二篇：独立写作

我觉得我不管综合写作还是独立写作都是一样的特点，那就是字数足。综合写作要求是185-225，我每次必300+。独立写作要求300+我记得考场上我至少写了500+。

独立作文：450字以上

第一段陈述你的观点，支持哪一方；第二、三、四段从三个方面论述你的观点；最后一段总结一下，综上所述，某某观点是正确的。

独立写作的八股在于它的题目很固定，OG上给出了那几百道例题 绝大部分题目是：

**和**相比，你觉得哪个更好/更合理？/你更支持哪个观点？

一部分题目是：*******，你怎么办？/你是怎么看的？

而这两种其实是一种题目。如果题目没有给你二选一的选项，我们要做的是把它转化为二选一或者多选一，这么多选项你只要从中挑选一个，然后把这个和其他的相比较这篇文章你就搞定了

除了题目固定之外，写作的手法同样很固定。其实大家只要熟读范文100篇，不会背书也能写。具体的方法就是在论坛找到那谁谁谁的185篇满分作文，挑选其中你觉得写的不错的把其中铺垫的句型，转换词挑出来，背一背，背多了你会发现所有的满分作文其实是一个套路出来的流水线作品（除极少数作文）。流水线作文谁不会写呢？那满分作文其实很简单的！

第三篇：雅思写作批改实例

今天上海环球雅思老师俞伟国为大家带来一份雅思写作之真人真文搬上荧幕-雅思作文完全点评，希望考生们在看完这篇文章之后对雅思写作思路及结构构思有所帮助。

Topic: Children who grow up in families without large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems in their adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents.Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the problem of how to cultivate the children’s abilities has become a hot issue in society.(第一句话就有问题，the problem of......has become a hot issue,翻译成中文就是“一个......的问题如今已经成为了一个......的问题”，而且problem用在这里也有问题，必须正确区分 question, problem和issue三者的区别，这里how to cultivate children'sabilities 不应该是一个problem,因为problem用在这里含义就跟trouble差不多。)

Most people thought(这里为什么用过去时？过去时说明人们以前这么想，现在已经不这么想了)that children who were born

in poorer families can deal(+with)problems better than those who were born with a silver in their mouthes(应该是with a spoon with silver in the mouth吧？即便如此这种说法也有中式英语之嫌，不推荐使用).However, I want to claim that one’s ability is not associate(d)with his/her family circumstance, whatever(应该用 nomatter)it’s rich or not, but it depends on his/her education level, environment as well as personality.(这里应该直接而明确地表明你的观点作为statement，即出生穷人家的孩子未必处理问题就强于富人家的孩子。Topic当中问的是“do you agree or disagree”，你首先要明确回答此问题，这就是评分标准当中的Task Response!)

(一上来第一段语言问题就不少，再次强调：一定要注意第一段，尤其是第一段第一句的正确性，绝对不要冒险使用自己没有完全把握的词汇和句型。像本文的第一段考官看到这里，不用看后面的内容，基本上已经预判为5分档的文章了。)

First of all, one’s education level is the(不用加the)essential to deal with problems.In his/her studying period, he/shehas learned plenty of knowledge of culture and manners from their teachers.He/She should know how to treat withhappenings in decent language and behaviour.There are many vivid instances you can see in the daily life.A simpleexample, a well educated man who wears simple cloth(穿着简单的布？)

stepped on another man’s foot unguardedly incrowded subway station, the latter who is dressed modern and decorated with jewelry shout abuse after the former apologized obliging.It’s a so ugly picture.(完全偏题的例子，这个例子只能说明一个人的素质和衣着无关，而你这一段的分论点是“一个人的教育背景和能力无关”，这是一个严重的扣分点！)

Moreover, one’s living environment is also an important element.If one lives in a complicated situation that(is)full ofinferior people who are tyrannized, he/she must be influenced to settle cases in a rude way.On the contrary, if a personlives with high level friends who do everything

considered and patiently, he/she would copy their merits to let the problem down gently.(同样，这一段的内容和主题“穷人家的孩子处理问题未必就强于富人家的孩子”没有直接的因果关系，即分论点无法证明主题。可以用我上课讲过的检验分论点是否偏题的方法“验算”一下：因为“环境很重要”，所以“穷人家的孩子处理问题未必强于富人家的孩子”，does it make sense?)

At the end but not the least(有这种说法吗？请不要自己发明创造一些英语当中不存在的表达方法), one’s personality decidesone’s ability.The psychologist said that one’s ability of solving the matters what(what多余！)happened in life is(+in)direct ratio with his/her optimistic orpessimistic personality.It is said that the optimistic person are more likely to communicate with others than pessimistic group.Good communication skill is a necessary and vital competence in(in多余！)nowadays.Why there are many wars in the world that charge upon bad communication between countries.(这句话完全不知所云，既然是why开头的应该是问句喽？为什么又是句号结尾的呢？)So, in the(the多余)conclusion, whether one can become a marvelously able person is not basic（based）on the financial standar(standard)of family but other

qualifications.总评： 这篇文章最大的问题在于主题与论证的逻辑关系，作者的主题是“一个人的能力不是由家庭出生而是由其他因素决定的”，然后分论点写的都是具体有哪些哪些“其他因素”，但问题在于我们要论证的到底是什么？这里作者遗漏了非常重要的一个部分，即“为什么个人能力不是由家庭出生所决定的”，这才应该是本文论证的重点！然而遗憾的是对于这个最关键的部分作者在文中几乎没有涉及，从而构成在Task response这一项评分标准上的致命失分！此外全文的语言使用也存在不少问题。因此虽然可以看出作者其实还是有一定语言功底的，但由于前述的两项关键性缺失(Task Response和Language Errors)，本文只能得4.5分。

以上就是上海环球雅思小编今天为大家带的雅思写作内容~请大家继续关注我们，每天都有更新哦！有其他资源信息需要的同学可以登陆上海环球雅思的官方网站自助查询，也有资深的老师随时问你提供服务~

第四篇：TPO1 独立写作

TPO-1 Independent writing task

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.范文为博主根据考生习作修订而成，为博主和考生的共同原创作品，转载请务必注明出处谢谢！

博主修订作文的原则为：忠实原文和充分考虑作者原有水平，简约、实用、易模仿。所以追求华丽文风的同学请绕道。

如果有同学需要作文批改润色服务，可联系博主

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Some people claim that universities and colleges should not spend a great deal of money on sports and social activities, as their budgets should prioritize classes and libraries.However, as educational institutions, universities and colleges have an obligation to provide a wide range of knowledge to their students to help them develop academically and socially.More and more businesses require people who are not only specialists in their fields, but also skilled in social interaction.In the rapidly changing environments of science and the economy, no task can be done by a single person.Given the need for collaboration, social skills and team spirit are necessary qualities for any successful person.Clearly, sports and social activities in universities and colleges provide students with the perfect settings to practice their social skills.By playing football on a team or joining in a protest, for instance, students can develop a sense of belonging and experience team spirit, both of which may prove very important in building a career.Aside from fostering social skills and team spirit, sports and social activities can greatly improve students’ efficiency.Students need not play sports or participate in social activities at the expense of their academic study.Indeed, for some students, playing sports and joining in social activities are good stress reducers.Even the most enthusiastic people feel tired if they concentrate on one thing for too long.Frustrated and tired people can do nothing well if they do not recover from their bad situations.Students who have been frustrated in their academic work would be well-advised to play some sports or join in social activities.Academic education will always be at the heart of a university.In universities, sports and social activities should by no means take the place of a focus on academic study.What I believe is that universities and colleges should spend adequate money on academics as well as sports and social activities.For instance, in the United States, almost all famous universities have plenty of sports teams and social groups, and universities provide adequate financial support with these events.None of these universities have weakened their academic standards because of social movements or sports.For these reasons, I maintain that universities and colleges should spend enough money on academic education and social movements to prepare students for their future development.playing computer games can expand a child’s outlook.Some computer games that can be played on the Internet were devised by foreign companies.Playing these games gives children an excellent opportunity to communicate with “game friends” from all over the world, allowing them to learn about other countries and cultures.____________________________________________________________________________

附原稿（修订前）：

Some people claim that universities and colleges are not supposed to spend much money on sports and social activities and their budgets should be focus on classes and libraries.But in fact, as educational institutions, universities and colleges do have the obligation to provide wide range of knowledge to their students, both academically and socially.It’s not uncommon today that more and more business require talents who are specialists in both their fields and social lives because with the amazing race of development of science and economy, no task could be done by a single one.Therefore, social skills and team spirit are necessary qualities for a successful man.Clearly, sports and social activities in universities and colleges provide students with a perfect environment to practice their social skills.By playing football with a team or joining in a protest parade, students could feel the sense of belonging and share the team spirits, which are very important in their future career.Aside from social skills and team spirit, sports and social activities could greatly improve study efficiency of students.Playing sports or joining in some social activities does not mean students would do this at the expense of their academic study.Quite the opposite, to some students, playing sports or joining in the social activities is a good stress reducer for their tension of study.Even though the most enthusiastic people would feel tired if he concentrated on one thing for a very long time.Frustrated and tired people would do nothing well if they do not recover from the bad situation.As a result, students who have been frustrated by academic study would be well-advised to play some sports or joining in some social activities in order to improve their study efficiency.Meanwhile, academic education lied at the heart of the universities.The emphasis on sports and social activities in universities could, by no means, take place of the focus on academic study.What I insist is universities and colleges should spend enough money on both academy and sports or social activities.For instance, in the U.S, almost all famous universities have plenty of sports teams and social groups, and universities provide adequately financial support with these events.None of these universities weaken their academic education because of social movements or sports.For those reasons, I would like to say that universities and colleges should spend enough money on academic education and social movements in order to prepare students for their future development.

第五篇：20140316独立写作

【题目】：

It is easier to be well-educated today than it is in the past.现在受教育比过去容易。

【范文】：

Slogan:“Economy matters a lot and education pays off in the long run.” With these words in mind, it is easier as well as more rewarding for people to get an education now than in the past.Obviously, both the recent economic improvements and the future economic successes are factors that contribute to making more people better educated for higher employability and better wages.To start with, education in modern society is meant to be beneficial to as many persons as possible rather than to just a lucky few ones.In this sense, it may partly be the fruits of the dramatic economic changes in the past decades, and partly the reflection that the ability to read and write is more demanding these days.Therefore, in order to educate more people to meet the forth-coming economic challenges, new schools and colleges are being established and old ones are being expanded.The logic is simple.The more economy develops, the more investments there are in education, and the easier it is for people to become better educated.The significance of education in today's economy reveals the big picture that education at all levels is largely available, even though sometimes higher education may not be entirely affordable.That picture supports the correlation between educational attainment and employment potentials.Although an education has always been an advantage, it is more valuable now than before.The panorama is like a virtuous cycle brought about by the economic improvements along with better living standards.The more people are educated, the better are their chances of getting hired, and the more likely they are to earn more, which in turn makes it easier for them to send their children to and through university education.Further, as the job market has become more competitive with each passing decade, the number of people with bachelor's degrees or higher has increased.Likewise, it is evident that as the economic rewards continue to increase, so will the number of people seeking those rewards, of course.In the context of the economic improvements and economic rewards, an education has not only been valuable but also has become easily accessible.When it comes to combining money and learning, more is better and better is more;so people now are easier to become educated.Paradoxically, for that matter, just as the causes may lead to the effects, the effects may also lead to the causes.